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* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

The Register obtains covert snaps of Google's new London offices

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Re: WOW!

Yorkshire mills were the inspiration for Foxconn! The only thing Foxconn did differently was stack the back-to-back workers cottages on top of one another to form huge dormitories and then dangerously overcrowd them.

Mine's the one labelled "Made in Yorkshire"

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Free apps suck your power: researchers

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Exsqueeze me???

My advice, if you've got an angry bird who's constantly demanding to know where you are, then she's probably suspecting you're having an affair! Either dump her or go to Relate (or the Jeremy Kyle show and get hooked up to a lie detector and be laughed at by a million unemployed viewers, on national telly).

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Mobile banking security bypassed in fiendish malware blag

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Just as well I don't use Online Banking

Unless you fall victim to a bedroom based man in the middle attack - aka a threesome with a thief!

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Ageing Mario blamed for Nintendo's woes

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Mario & Sonic at the olympics?

If you had told me twenty years ago that there would one day be a game staring both Sonic and Mario and it would be set in East London of all places, I would have literally spat on your back! What is this world coming too!

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Europe: warning, these Angry Birds CAN KILL KIDS

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Cheapo!

Dr Ashen is dicing with death with all the chemical soaked, knock off crap he comes into contact with.

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Bloke gets wedding tackle trapped in ring

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Lube - the answer to everything!

I cannot stress this enough people - lube, lube, LUBE!

Lube - for all life's little problems!

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Ryanair ponders in-air mucky movie service

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

They might as well do this on South West Trains too!...

I got on a train from Waterloo to Portsmouth Harbour one late night a few months back. Needing to use the loo, I politely waited outside of the disabled tardis toilet as it was engaged. A few minuets later, the door slides open and me and the other passengers in the vestibule are greeted by a drunk male commuter proudly proclaiming "I just had a wank in here!" - typical Surrey commuter!

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Beeb to fund ad-mungous Local TV for local people

LinkOfHyrule
Coffee/keyboard

WTF!!!!

I live in Surrey as dose My Hunt - I dread to think what Surrey TV would be like!

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Brussels acts to ensure arrival of new, unknown legal highs

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Why is catnip still legal then?

My old puss used to get smashed off her six tits on this stuff, how come pet shops are peddling this filth to children when it's clearly a legal feline high?!

Mine's the one that makes tails go erect!

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Game gears up for Mac OS X Lion release with... Panther

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I hate Macs 'cus...

I hate Macs 'cus I can't afford one.

Paris 'cus she is a natural fit with the town of Swindon.

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Yahoo! reads! your! emails!

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

As useful as a teapot?

So they're as useful as a teapot? I like tea, I'd find that quite useful.

How about saying they are as tasty as a dog stools teapot?

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LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Reasonable but a bit shit

"Reasonable but a bit shit" - Microsoft's new advertising slogan

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Music on plastic discs still popular, apparently

LinkOfHyrule
Mushroom

"DubStep ruins 'normal' car speakers."

Dubstep ruins everything.

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Captain Cyborg: Computers are alive, like bats or cows

LinkOfHyrule
Mushroom

Kev, this is an example of sarcasm

The man is clearly a fucking genius - I mean come on, he's got a chip in him that opens a door for him - he's the Jesus of Reading!

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Woman puts shout-out for hitman on Facebook

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

ima mop that bull

that phrase conjurers up images to me of a cowshed that desperately needs cleaning up!

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NHS trust issues nurse jub flash alert

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

skintight

I'll let you make the female nurses wear PVC if you're cool with me making all the male nurses wear full rubber uniforms!

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The New C++: Lay down your guns, knives, and clubs

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

C++0x is illegal here!

"C++0x" looks to me like the ASCII art representation of a depraved sex act involving barbed wire and as such is considered "extreme porn" under English law!

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ASA smackdown for Yahoo! Thelma & Louise

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

What in the name of Paris!

This is the same as me complaining that The Register causes me to type sarcastic bollocks into interweb forums! It just isn't true, I'm naturally predisposed to talk shit!

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Zuckerberg: Give me your children

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Advertispimp!

Zuckerburg - He's the mac daddy of the advertising industry!

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Vodafone touts low-tech phone for app-phobes

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Exactly

I brought a cheap £5 vodaphone Nokia a few months back and as well as calls and texts it has a torch and a calculator!

I guess technically though those are kinda classed apps though - the "find your keys in the dark doorway app" and the "I'm very stingy and insist on only paying for own food and drinks when I go out for a meal with someone rather than paying an equal share app".

Paris, 'cus she's also technically classed as an app too!

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Ofcom pricks Shard's 'biggest erection' boast

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Building measuring contest

My shed is officially the tallest building in my garden. Do I get a prize now?

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Digital Stream DPS-1000 BBC iPlayer set-top box

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

That's one ugly box!

Paris, cos that's also one ugly box!

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Microsoft replaces Xbox 360s after disc-format switch

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

The right thing?

What, polluting the planet with yet more unusable xboxes - hows that the right thing! Stupid Microsoft should of made a console that actually works in the first place. They treat physical products the same as their shoddy software - when users start complaining about how shit it is they just send out a bloated update. Only instead of a Windows update shoved down a few interwebz tubes, this time is its a big box of badly bodged together cheap Chinese made electronics shoved through your letter box!*

*Yes I know that's gotta be one big-ass letter box, hence the Paris icon!

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David Davis: Jobless should dig trenches for fat UK pipes

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Someones been reading the Daily Mail

These scroungers you are on about receive job seekers allowance and they already have "to work for their money" - its called job hunting. If they don't do it they loose their benefits. I think you are getting "unfit for work" and "lazy" mixed up again. Yes there will be some scroungers but don't kid yourself that most benefit recipients are out there living a luxury lifestyle on your tax money cos they aint.

Paris, 'cus she can scrounge off me any time she likes!

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Dixons to flog off old 'brands' Miranda and Saisho

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Dix-heads

I've never even bloody heard of these "brands" before. Actually I wasn't even sure Dixons were still going, I'm quite shocked they are!

Paris coz at least I've heard of her even if I don't know who she is and what she dose!

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Boy George promises to cut employment rights

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

Why not just bring back workhouse George

Why not just bring back workhouse George and outsource its operation to Foxconn. It could be "staffed" by disability living allowance "scroungers" who because of their life limiting conditions can't actually work and be forced to make iPhones or something.

It will be cheaper than the current Chinese labour used and you could give all "hard-working Conservative voter families" a free iPhone if they keep you in power with free upgrades at every election. It will be good for the economy as once the plebs have tried the iPhone, they will never go back to a Nokia and Apple updates them every year yet you only hold elections what every 4-6 years or something? You'll be kinda like a drug dealer giving the first hit free and all the tax income you make from 4-6 years of iPhone upgrades and app sales will more than cover the cost of all the free phones and solve the budget deficit.

It's a good policy George, you can have it on the house!

Yes! Managed to slag off the Torries, Foxconn and Apple and even throw in some Daily Mail style headlines all in one comment! If only it was actually relevant to the story in question!

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Microsoft to turn your flat into a control pad

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Well maybe this comment is a little silly

Hell no! The last thing I want is a piece of Microsoft technology controlling my household gadgets. Seriously, this is not a joke comment, I'm for real!

Microsoft you suck so hard, you can't make anything that actually works properly, your advertising campaigns are an embarrassment and your company name sounds like a medical condition that middle aged not-well-endowed men suffer from!

Well maybe this comment is a little silly but then again so is the idea of touching a bloody wall next to a light switch to turn the blooming lights on!

Paris, cos she lights up too when you touch her wall.

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IP firm claims ownership of DVD video-menus

LinkOfHyrule

ok.....

Ok i'll patent shitting then.

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

if you can patent this clickable video...

I think it's time I patented breathing. Yep that's right, if you can patent this clickable video shit and start suing people to make money then obviously breathing is also patentable. It's obviously an honest way to make a living, why do anything useful when I can sue people!

Paris, cos she's infringing my patent!

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Alpha.gov.uk – it's nearly a beta

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

eeewwwww

I just had a quick look and for some reason, something about it reminds me of Bing. Yuck!

Paris, cos she also reminds me of Bing but for very different reasons.

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Canadian kid uses supercomputing to cure cystic fibrosis

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Very well done

Curing cystic fibrosis kicks ass! Nice one!

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UK.gov would pay to have benefit claimants' tattoos erased

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

Free stuff?

Shall we stop clearing up the litter from your street, maintaining your local park and all the other "free stuff" you get as well then? Are you actually saying that people who cannot work because of health issues should not have the right to have a "lifestyle". Yeah, all the severally disabled people with life limiting conditions will be over joyed hearing that, knowing that they will be fed and housed but can get to hell if they think they are entitled to a little money so that they can leave their home now and then for a day out or to visit family or buy a computer to use the interwebz.

Most people who don't work actually don't work because there are not enough jobs or they cant work. Daily Mail is that way son. Go read it if you want to believe all the myths about benefits claimants. You'll probably love it.

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LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

hard working my arse

In my opinion Titus Technophobe, those who trott out the "hard working families" line are usually selfish idiots who don't actually work hard at all. You think you work hard but compared to some people in this world, your life is so easy. If you don't like it then you can stop sending you kids to state school, stop using the NHS and getting all your prescribed drugs for free, stop using the public road network - you get the idea, all that "socialist toilet" stuff you use all the time. You're probably depriving a family that works harder than you do of its use.

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LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

weird dream

And here I was thinking the Tories wanted to give benefit claimants tattoos, not remove them. Kinda concentration camp style "DOLE SCUM" and an ID number right accrues the forehead or something.

Or was that just a weird dream I had about my next visit to Job Centre Plus?

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Surrey voted tops for tits in birdwatching poll

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Haslemere is full of tits

You can't move for tits round here! The place is jam packed with 'em! And I'm not talking about the Blackberry using suited kind that spew into and out of commuter trains at rush hour!

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User data stolen in Sony PlayStation Network hack attack

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

Hahaha

At this rate, LittleBigPlanet 3 will be a third party Wii 2 game!

Twats

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Death threats against 'worst song ever' YouTube teen

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

They paid $4K for that?

I can write better music on a sodding Commodore Amiga! Na it must be the "professionally" produced video that cost actual money.

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Calling all commentards: Want some new icons?

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Don't take my Paris!

Don't take my Paris! Please! Seriously, don't, she is responsible for most of my upvotes (experience points) thanks to all the cheap shots I have at her expense!

The Frycon idea is good, quite interesting in fact - boom boom.

Maybe replace the grammar Nazi one with the Guardian's logo?

An icon representing Big Society? Maybe it could be a boarded up council library or a malnourished child?

Picture of a fluffy kitten for hard hitting serious stories? I'm out of ideas now.

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XXX domain names go live

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

www.theregister.xxx

www.theregister.xxx - sucking the hand that feeds IT

I'm so funny!

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Wii price cut coming

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Wii is being slashed is it?

Well slashing is what normally happens when you have a wee is it not?

Mines the one that smells like a care-home resident.

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H2O water-powered shower radio

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

"It is British too"

"So the H2O is conceptually excellent. It is British too,"

David Cameron is also British, but that doesn't change the fact that he's an ugly, useless, cheap and nasty, lump of tat.

Don't buy British for the sake of it!

Paris, 'cus although she aint British, she is at least conceptually excellent!

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'I own half of Facebook', says New York fuel salesman

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

I OWN 50% OF TEH REGISTER BOOK

I'm sure I once lived near someone who writes for the the register and we probably get our wood pellets from the same place so I'm demanding you hand over 50% (FIFTY PERCENTS) of the website to me. I'd like the bottom 50% of each page please.

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Wannabe baby-kisser lies on political honesty phone-in

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

T.W.A.T

Time wasting arse-head tory.

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W**k-O-Meter

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

I've already got a w***ometre...

...it's called a lazy boyfriend!

Mines the one with the encrusted stains.

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Game stocks shops with Tesco 3DS consoles

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

we aint got any as I ain't been to tescos yet

A certain newsagents outside a railway station somewhere on the Portsmouth to Waterloo line buys their fags at tescos and sells them over the going rate! Well at least did a couple of years back, not sure if they still do. I know because I asked for twenty Bensons' once and the lady behind the till said "sorry, we aint got any as I ain't been to tescos yet!"

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

squeezing cash from those polygonal udders!

"milk their now-ancient cash cows of Zelda, Metroid, Mario, etc"

Urm, that's a good thing if you ask me! And they're hardly unique in doing so - remind me how many GTA, Halo or COD games there are now? The game industry is all about squeezing cash from those polygonal udders!

Also how is one FPS not essentially a remake of all the ones that came before it. COD is basically Doom with bad voice acting and prettier graphics.

Paris, 'cus I mentioned udders.

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iPhone 4 SURVIVES plunge from plane

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

What's the difference between an iPhone and...

What's the difference between an iPhone and a Foxconn employee?

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South West Trains puts squeeze on commuters

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Top Tip...

If someone in the seat, or a few seats, in front of you is using a laptop on the class 444 or 450, look up at the glass luggage racks above the seating - they reflect the screen image quite often - it's handy for spying! Well actually, its handy if you want to be bored stiff watching someone work on a spread sheet or watching last-nights EastEnders on iPlayer. I did once see someone coding on the train though - probably one of you lot lol!

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Out of shape? Not had sex for years? Watch out

LinkOfHyrule
Gates Halo

Dual boot

Install windows on your machines too, statistically it will make you live longer and you will get more sex!

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News Corp to trade music for games, readies MySpace sale

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

People who play FarmVille...

"People who play FarmVille actually spend real money to buy virtual food or whatever it may be for their pig."

Yeah, these are the same people who get addicted to online bingo - you are scum really for targeting a business at this type of customer. Kid's are going to go without with food so their crazy-ass mother can feed her virtual pig you know!

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