* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1657 publicly visible posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

Whisky IN SPAAAAACE: Zero-G Scotch is matured aboard the ISS

LinkOfHyrule
Stop

Re: I LIKE IT

"Where did this screaming troll come from? Did I take a wrong turn and end up at 4chan?"

Go easy on him mate, his comments always make me smile.* Even if he were a troll, you cant knock some free smilage can you!

*Yeah I know say's a lot about me, don't need to point that out I am well aware that I'm bloody weird. Not quite as weird as zero-g whiskey drinkers though.

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: I LIKE IT

Aww I hope do too Big Dumb Guy!

ps

You're my favourite comentard! This dude speaks sense.

Sky News admits two counts of computer hacking

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

LOL

"By the way, which adult hook-up website? You've got me interested now. LOL"

Seems like the Register is turning into a hook-up site at this rate!

Yeah, that's an idea - a lot of newspaper websites having dating services - how about "Register Fuck Finder"! You enter details like your age, location, operating system of choice and sexual preference and get matched up with a suitable partner!

Though I have a feeling the straight guys will be out of luck to be honest. Maybe I am wrongly assuming this place don't get many female readers though.

LinkOfHyrule

If there is a public interest in Sky News hacking a 'dead' canoe bloke's email, dose that mean it's in the public interest for The Register to hack my adult hook-up website accounts to see who I'm banging? Exacty, NO!

If Sky had reason to think it worth hacking his emails, why not call the police and relay their suspicions to them to do it legally?

Pricks

Hacktivist 'Hardcore Charlie' claims China military hack

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Hardcore Charlie

His name is a reference to his raving days in the early-mid 90s. I remember him well, always stomping away at the front at the big events, asking the MC for a "shout out to all the Anonymous massive" a bit of a character! He went off hardcore around 96 when it got too cheesy and became more of a jungleist and then around 2000 got into UK garage. Good to see he's doing so well!

Condom compartment hidden in iPhone case

LinkOfHyrule

I buy in bulk and use the johnnys on sex toys mate, makes clean up a breeze. So yes, typical register reader here.

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: 'Dubbed the “Playa” '

It might cause confusion with people with eye fetishes - I believe the more extreme ones are known as "eye-players" in the BDSM community!

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

You're hardly a "playa" if you only carry a maximum of two johnnys on you at any one time. Speaking as man who has to buy rubbers in bulk, this would cost me a fortune in iPhones!

UK hacker jailed for nicking PayPal, banking data from MILLIONS

LinkOfHyrule
Pirate

Re: girlfriend named Cassandra?

Maybe the TV channel Dave, inspired by this plonker, could do a tech remake - Only Trolls and Hash-Tags...

Del-boy has a clapped out old Mac (one of those silly see through ones, in yellow) and he lives in the basement of a council flat with his uncle Albert who's always banging on about the war (the war between Commodore, Apple and the IBM PC - 'cus he's a geek veteran). Del-boy always has some dodgey scheme on the go, phising, hacks, DoS attacks, 419's etc - Rodney always ends up as the smuck who has to configure the TOR and remember the TrueCrypt passwords. Other common scenarios include, popping down the local boozer (The Nags Node) to buy dodgey second hand laptops from a used tech dealer with a pervy tash and swapping pirate DVDs with a geezer called Trigger who works for the local council as a sys admin.

This time next year we'll be tech millionaires! ...and talking shit to Robert Scoble.

UK net super-snooping clashes with Euro privacy law - expert

LinkOfHyrule
Big Brother

Re: this

"If the government stopped allowing half the world's terrorists and serious criminal claiming asylum here we would not need this legislation."

Damn, my browser must have just been hijacked or click-jacked or something. I swear I logged into theregister.co.uk but my browser seems to be displaying comments from the Daily Mail website for some reason?

WTF! If only the police were monitoring me in real time, they could catch the bastards who did this!

Watchdog sniffs David Beckham's wedding tackle

LinkOfHyrule
Holmes

"the poses and facial expressions of David Beckham were mildly sexual at most".

*sniggers*

Corny conversations prove plants 'talk'

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

"so I decided as a scientist to find out."

I've used that excuse in the bedroom many a time!*

*please note I don't need therapy, my other half is also a scientist.

Home Sec: Web snoop law will snare PAEDOS, TERRORISTS

LinkOfHyrule

Re: Sir

So essentially I need to find a state with slack internet and pornography laws that is sympathetic to a bit of "Iron Lady Garden" and "Cottaging for badgers on Hampstead heath"!

I wonder where that could be?

And before I go, I must say I am very impressed to see that Firefox's spell checker includes the word "cottaging" in it's dictionary - you just dont get such perviness with closed source software products! It's a shame the word "Firefox's" isint in their dictionary though!

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Re: "Theresa May, writing in The Sun"

"Well thanks a bunch - now I can't get that out of my mind. Arrghhh!!!!"

I can't work out if that is a good thing or a bad thing!

I still honestly believe there is a demand out there for a Tory fetish/porn website. Conservative-Contacts.com? Blue-Rinse-Movies.xxx? Tory-Chief-Whips.xxx? Two-Ministers-One-Policy.xxx? Just a few ideas I'm toying with.

The public is being so screwed by these guys, there's bound to be a few people idea who get off on it.

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: "Theresa May, writing in The Sun"

Those of us who know even just a little bit about how computers and the interwebz tubes work clearly know she is talking out her USB socket.

However your average Sun reader sees the words "peado terrorist" and thinks "well yeah it's a good idea init guv, anything to catch those nasty peados, you get me!" while nursing off a stiffy caused by looking at some barely legal bint with her jugs out on page-three.

I'd like to see Theresa May on page-three, I'd use it as loo paper, then it'd be classed as extreme porn.

LinkOfHyrule
Flame

This is all like an episode of Yes Minister, if Yes Minister was shit. Shit Minister?

Also, "Home Sec"...? Is that the DIY division of Lulzsec or something?

James Murdoch QUITS BSkyB chairmanship

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

"The company declined to comment on the news story that was "broken" by Sky News, an organisation owned by BSkyB."

That's like if the BBC News Channel had broke the news that George Alagiah had just farted in the lift at BBC TV Centre isint it? It's hardly fair to claim "BREAKING NEWS!!!!" like its some high example of journalistic endeavour when it's your own blooming company's news is it!

At least a fart actually breaks though.

Mine's the one with a faint whiff of egg.

Teen hacker suspect Ryan Cleary in the clink for bail breach

LinkOfHyrule

Re: Thick eh?

I went to not one but two of those kind of schools - and now I stalk the el Reg forums for a non-living!

No offence meant to anyone, I actually did. I'd probably be hacking supermarket trolley coin-slots if it wasn't for these forums keeping me off the streets.

Net access restrictions lifted for ‘Megaupload four’

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: I wonder if...

I dunno if he will kick up a fuss, but I'm kicking up a fuss 'cus you made the same obvious joke I was going to make! Damn beaten to it again! I have upvoted you in disgust, Goldmember!

No-strings nookie radar tugged offline in stalking backlash

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I'm making a new app inspired by this... It scrapes social networking sites for dog owners, their GPS locations and cleverly figures out when and where they walk their dogs. The app is called "Dog Shit Around Me" a new handy tool for smart phones that enables users to avoid likely dog shit hot spots.

I'm hoping Paris will become the face of Dog Shit Around Me.

Parents shocked by priestly PowerPoint pr0n

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

He has obviously chosen the wrong religion...

...This would have never happened if he had used a Mac.

UK.gov to unveil reborn, renamed net-snoop plans in Queen's Speech

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

You're not a Camronphile are you by any chance? Damn, I need to set up that Tory Fetish site I'm always dreaming about! I would do a Labour one but they are far less kinky. The naughtiest thing they do is watch lame cable TV softcore porn.

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Eeeewwww, this is like having David Cameron riffle through your knicker drawer. Which he would enjoy.

Who killed ITV Digital? Rupert Murdoch - but not the way you think

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Re: I have a genuine ITVDigital monkey :-)

Teabag monkey? Is this the Register or have I stumbled into some sordid sex chat forum?

Visa shows off data centre 'moat'

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

Why not put one of those Occupy encampments outside it too? Pay a load of nouveau-hippies to be a human defence system. Just an idea - you gotta think outside the box in the tech industry after-all!

Hollywood studios line up to kick Kim Dotcom

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Is it just me or dose the name Kim Dotcom sound more suited to late 90s British Glamour model?

Judge orders O2 to name suspected smut burglars

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Hmmmm

I remember that, he can't act for toffee. If only he tried to be a mainstream director instead - he could of easily been the man to bring us Avatar...

Ben Dover Films in association with SweetMeat and One Eyed Jacks Productions presents... Smurfette Dose Dorking - In glorious 3D!

In a world where people everywhere are blue and the movies are even bluer, one young woman defys all the odds and succeeds in her epic quest... to bang the entire population of a small Surrey commuter town!

Smurfette Dose Dorking - the movie event of the year, directed by the acclaimed master of meatslapping himself, Ben Dover! In cinemas now! Rated S for shit.

Friends Reunited rebrands as memory bank for oldsters

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

How to rejuvenate this stale online brand...

Maybe they can get some more users by introducing some new spin off sites...

Fens Reunited - The social network for those in the north Northfolk area

Shags Reunited - A handy tool for tracking down the source of that worrying rash

Socks Reunited - An online odd-sock swapping service - users upload pictures of their odd socks in the aim of finding another user with the same type of odd-sock in order to make a pair - kinda like a laundry based dating site

Paris Reunited - Speaks for itself (using single syllables obviously)

Robotic surgeon successful in first prostate snip

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: I think I'd rather a robot went up my rectum

We're so lucky to get free fisting on the NHS in this country!

Facebook: Your boss asks for your password, we'll sue him! Maybe

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

The effing cheek!

I would not work for anybody who wanted to log into my private accounts - absolutely no chance even if I was starving. The effing cheek!

If I am ever asked this in an interview I will laugh in their face. "You seriously think I am stupid enough to tell you my private log in details? Well in that case we have clearly established that I am over qualified for this position, I bid you good-day."

Internet Sex

LinkOfHyrule

Re: No, LinkOfHyrule.

Damn, I've been doing it wrong. I better get me some of those new fangled teledildonic devices.

Actually joking aside, the internet did result in me having the best sex ever, its how I met my other half.

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Internet sex is just a wank and a webcam. I tried it once but caught a virus, win.clap.exe

Android store spotted in China ... selling iPhones

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: Provenance

I saw that show - the faked eggs seemed way too far fetched - so being China it was probably totally true!

Musk muses on middle-class Mars colony

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Re: Open your mind!

I had to scroll past about 25 comments to find this gem! And no, you are not the first person to think that - but are you like me, also thinking about three-breasted women?

I'm up-voting yo' ass! To Mars!!!!

Wannabe Murdochs crash Ofcom's local telly party

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Portsmouth TV - All the FAIL that's local to you

I had the (mis)fortune of being able to receive one of the old analogue local channels ten years ago - Portsmouth TV.

A days typical viewing...

8am-11am rebroadcasts of QVC - at some time around 11am the schedule changes to an hour of rebroadcasting Sky News - behold as before your eyes you witness the on screen display of the digibox that Portsmouth TV uses to receives these channels flashes up on screen during a live on air feed change! Slick presentation guys!

12pm-4pm - a live feed of one of the city councils traffic cameras showing a road - ground-breaking stuff! - well it would be if there happened to be some navies digging up the road to lay a cable!

4pm-4.15pm - locally made programs - an ultra low budget children's show staring a puppet rescued from an Oxfam shop and a female media studies student talking shite.

4.15-5pm - local show about the lives of people in Portsmouth - "I live in a tower block and my granddad used to be in the navy" - that sort of thing.

5pm-6pm - An hour of local news - lost cats, updates on previously lost cats and interviews with people who live in tower blocks about their granddad's life in the navy.

6pm - 11pm Prime Time - more rebroadcasts of QVC and Sky News, complete with live on air digibox reboots.

11pm - 8am Repeat all of the above for the few hours but in a different order and replace the kids show with a locally produced "high brow" studio discussion show produced by drunk students from Portsmouth Uni.

So the government think this sort of shit is a good idea do they? And they expect the BBC to buy some of the locally made programmes? The beeb need to set up a new channel then called "BBC Total Fucking Shite"... wait hang on, thats BBC1 aint it.

Paris, 'cus she's a big fan of Portsmouth TV, it inspired her career.

The Register obtains covert snaps of Google's new London offices

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Re: WOW!

Yorkshire mills were the inspiration for Foxconn! The only thing Foxconn did differently was stack the back-to-back workers cottages on top of one another to form huge dormitories and then dangerously overcrowd them.

Mine's the one labelled "Made in Yorkshire"

Free apps suck your power: researchers

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Exsqueeze me???

My advice, if you've got an angry bird who's constantly demanding to know where you are, then she's probably suspecting you're having an affair! Either dump her or go to Relate (or the Jeremy Kyle show and get hooked up to a lie detector and be laughed at by a million unemployed viewers, on national telly).

Mobile banking security bypassed in fiendish malware blag

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Just as well I don't use Online Banking

Unless you fall victim to a bedroom based man in the middle attack - aka a threesome with a thief!

Ageing Mario blamed for Nintendo's woes

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Mario & Sonic at the olympics?

If you had told me twenty years ago that there would one day be a game staring both Sonic and Mario and it would be set in East London of all places, I would have literally spat on your back! What is this world coming too!

Europe: warning, these Angry Birds CAN KILL KIDS

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Cheapo!

Dr Ashen is dicing with death with all the chemical soaked, knock off crap he comes into contact with.

Bloke gets wedding tackle trapped in ring

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Lube - the answer to everything!

I cannot stress this enough people - lube, lube, LUBE!

Lube - for all life's little problems!

Ryanair ponders in-air mucky movie service

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

They might as well do this on South West Trains too!...

I got on a train from Waterloo to Portsmouth Harbour one late night a few months back. Needing to use the loo, I politely waited outside of the disabled tardis toilet as it was engaged. A few minuets later, the door slides open and me and the other passengers in the vestibule are greeted by a drunk male commuter proudly proclaiming "I just had a wank in here!" - typical Surrey commuter!

Beeb to fund ad-mungous Local TV for local people

LinkOfHyrule
Coffee/keyboard

WTF!!!!

I live in Surrey as dose My Hunt - I dread to think what Surrey TV would be like!

Brussels acts to ensure arrival of new, unknown legal highs

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Why is catnip still legal then?

My old puss used to get smashed off her six tits on this stuff, how come pet shops are peddling this filth to children when it's clearly a legal feline high?!

Mine's the one that makes tails go erect!

Game gears up for Mac OS X Lion release with... Panther

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I hate Macs 'cus...

I hate Macs 'cus I can't afford one.

Paris 'cus she is a natural fit with the town of Swindon.

Yahoo! reads! your! emails!

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

As useful as a teapot?

So they're as useful as a teapot? I like tea, I'd find that quite useful.

How about saying they are as tasty as a dog stools teapot?

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Reasonable but a bit shit

"Reasonable but a bit shit" - Microsoft's new advertising slogan

Music on plastic discs still popular, apparently

LinkOfHyrule
Mushroom

"DubStep ruins 'normal' car speakers."

Dubstep ruins everything.

Captain Cyborg: Computers are alive, like bats or cows

LinkOfHyrule
Mushroom

Kev, this is an example of sarcasm

The man is clearly a fucking genius - I mean come on, he's got a chip in him that opens a door for him - he's the Jesus of Reading!

Woman puts shout-out for hitman on Facebook

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

ima mop that bull

that phrase conjurers up images to me of a cowshed that desperately needs cleaning up!