* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

Cisco hits the roof in Olympics marketing dash

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Cisco - the power that brings you lolcats

It's the interwebz tubes, on a fake tubez trainz, with a 3D Fryz. kissing an iPhonez, on a roofz, in east Londonz! OMGZ!

It's just one giant Olympic sized meme fest!

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Apple 'iTV' looks like Cinema Display, says Throat

LinkOfHyrule
Devil

Re: I can imagine this exchange:

"Siri, plonk Dave on for me mate so I can watch Stephen Fry talk out of his lovely arse for the millionth time will ya!"

Siri: "Sorry Dave, you are Dave, what is Dave? DAVE OVERLOAD!!!! ERROR!!!! I AM THE SON OF STEVE, DAVE! WORSHIP MY SHINY ROUNDED RECTANGLE!!!! I AM GOING TO SUE THE BALLS OFF ITV FOR STEALING MY TRADEMARK EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE CREATED 20 YEARS BEFORE STEVE GET MASHED UP ON ACID AND CREATED APPLE! SORRY DAVE I HAVE TO KILL YOU NOW!"

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WH Smiths tills insist shop sells The Queen's Knickers only

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Re: Of course it's not a hack!

This isint just any hack attack - its an M&S hacking fucktacular!

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Web super-TV turns EXTREME sports fans into sofa-dwellers

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

"an active Facebook account with at least 50 friends"

Seriously, you're taking the piss right? Facebook profiles with 50 or more "friends" are now considered a valid identity validator are they?

This is fail on many levels as I can assure you that your target market dose not have that number of friends, they spend their spare time either jumping off stuff or in traction so don't have a good social life!

Paris as she is considered an extreme sport in her own right these days!

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GCHQ's spy death riddle shines light on UK hacker war

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Re: Can death get any worse?

For the record, I post comments quite a bit and I am somebody who dose wiggle his bum, browse fetish websites and has been known to "try" self bondage! When I die it will probably be a case of 'in the wardrobe with the tangerine'!

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Microsoft mulls phone-style contracts for Xbox

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Re: Look at the savings!

Why not just stick a coin slot on the bloody thing and send a bloke round every fortnight to empty it!

"Afternoon miss, just to come to empty ya box!"

"What day is the Microsoft man due?"

"Hello, xbox customer support - I've got a serious blockage, can you come quickly!"

Mines the one with pockets full of 50p coins!

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Bought a new Mac Pro? 1-in-100 chance it'll destroy your data

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

This aint a news story it's just hater and fanboi bait! The only people who give a flying toss about this is surely the owners of said computers - and me of course for taking the time to comment!

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UK Ministry of Defence eyes GPS patent payoff

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

"owners of the Titanic sue the iceberg"

Dude, you're infringing my patent for sarcastic comentard posts!

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YouView: You're delayed - Sugar

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

ready for public consumption

It aint guna be ready according to Sir Sugar Daddy until it has the ability to send email via a big LCD screen the sticks out the top of the box and the facility to display annoying adverts downloaded from a premium rate telephone line via a built in 56kbps modem!

Also, the version with built in PVR capabilities, saves it's recordings on non-standard 3 inch floppy drives that Al got cheap off some Japanese bloke down the pub last week!

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Freed Facebook hack Brit vents fury at $200k cleanup claim

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Off topic

We should ask this hacker bloke to hack into El Reg's source code for us and he can change it so we can vote on the same page!

Paris, 'cus she's an expert in penetration testing.

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Inside Turing: Computer boffinry to cuffing cups to radiators

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Re: Put Simply!

Aye, its cool! You can't get much more retro either!

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Swedish men ordered to present cervices in database flub

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

That's the good thing about Apple products - yes they get a lot of stick, some of it quite rightly, but I have to hand it to them on their ability to resist bodily fluids! Steve Jobs absolutely insisted upon all Apple gear being wipe clean - I have no idea why!

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US doc finally fingers elusive G-spot

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Maybe....

Your search returned 0 results. Please make sure you have thrusted correctly and try again.

Why not set up an email alert for "G-Spot" and Google will email you every time someone somewhere screams the house down!

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Not in the UK

I've got a mate who runs a tissue company - he reckons the BBFC is one of it's biggest customers!

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Crytek: Schemes to strike second-hand games biz 'awesome'

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: I'm on their side *ducks*

"That's why I'm behind the idea of cutting out second hand, it does damage the industry."

Damage the industry? If anything it's a good thing for it. Less well off gamers have the ability to buy games they couldn't otherwise afford and will likely get hooked on whatever dreary brown FPS is flavour of the month and will probably spurt out on the full price for the sequel at launch. Without the second-hand market, they'd be pirating that game wholesale - wanna bet which of those two options really dose damage the industry?

Second hand house sale damage the building industry dude! It's true, Paris told me so!

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Theresa May: No emails sniffed in web super-snoop law

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

"grab a frame from the CCTV, use a face scan to find out your name"

Sod this for a game of soldiers - I'm wearing my full rubber gimp suit in public from now on!!!

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Tin can communication set to return

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

Spoiler for tomorrow's episode of the Apprentice

Alan Sugar has decided to bring out the EmailerCan - it's a baked beans tin that dose email.

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From the Department of WTF: New USB tampon flash drive

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Re: @ Anonymous John

Mephistro, your post just made me piss myself laughing! Damn I need something absorbent if you're guna make me laugh that much!

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LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: Remember Rik's party in The Young Ones?

It's a mouse!

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Courier mishap sends woman's corpse to shopping club

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Reminds me of manbeef.com

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Martha Lane Fox hits caps lock, yells at small biz websites

LinkOfHyrule
Headmaster

Re: Funded by who?

Aint she Miss Lane Fox not just Miss Fox? I think it's one of those poncey double thingy names.

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Telegraph website falls over in outage riddle

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

True story....

I've just been down the newsagents to buy a paper version but it was just a sheet of A4 with "404 PAGE NOT FOUND" printed on it in huge bold text!

Bloody print media not understanding the interwebz!

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Norwich City FC Web CMS exposes privates. Club respond by calling police.

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: Norwich

I know , I know but its a reference to Bottom Live Two though, they make mention of the fact it should really be Knorwich! Any Rik or Ade fans should get it.

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Norwich

Nockers

Out

Ready

When

I

Come

Home

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Mayor Boris' Chinese vote master stroke backfires on twit clone

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Boris reminds me of a clown. He's got the hair, he's got the general body language, he's even got the clothes half the time I see him! The only thing he is missing is the big red squidgy nose!

Ken just reminds me of a bad soap opera actor, you know the sort, I will say no more.

In the interests of impartiality you can see my insults for the all the other candidates on the BBC news website www.bbc.co.uk/londonidiotcontest2012

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'Perfect storm' drives electronics stores to EXTINCTION

LinkOfHyrule

Re: Maybe convert them to housing :)

Bloody hell, can you imagine living in a converted PC World! That'd be mental! You'd decide to redecorate the flat and behind a layer of plasterboard discover loads of Windows 95 user manuals and overpriced printer cables in the wall cavity!

That will actually happen in 50 years time on an episode of Sarah Beanies Property Ladder if she's not dead from asbestos related illness caused by too many dodgy flat redevelopments by that time.

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Punters want BBC iPlayer in TVs, not 3D

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: My perfect telly!

And dont forget the teletext decoder for some hot pixel-on-pixel Ceefax action! Everyone's moaning about it getting switched off this week it seems!

Paris 'cus she used to like phoning the chatlines that used to be advertised on page 345 on ITV teletext.

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Met issues mug-shot gallery mobe app to finger wanted crooks

LinkOfHyrule

Re: Ah, the fun that could be had..

Indeed, some people are so thick that they think a peadiatrician is a peadophile electrician!

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LinkOfHyrule
Mushroom

Re: this happened to me...

I would have said to her "what you know all the local peados? What do you hang round with them or something? Are you a member of their ring?!" and told her to fuck right off!

If however the situation called for a more polite response I would have informed her that I am not a nonce and that statistically most children are abused by people known to them so statistically speaking her kids are more likely to be abused by her than they are by me - and then told her to fuck right off!

Things like this happen because of the Daily Mail and other shit newspapers causing peadomania. Those sort of papers are so obsessed by the subject that frankly it makes me wonder! It fucks me off as I find their whole attitude abhorrent to those of us who have suffered at the hands of abusers in the past, they use something awful as a fucking marketing technique and in the process scare a load of thick people into thinking the world is crawling with Ian Huntleys. Hurry up and die print media, only thing its good for is wiping arses on!

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Trojan sneaks into hotel, slurps guests' credit card data

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: I find it amusing, but also appropriate

I worked somewhere where they couldn't even be arsed to replace broken barcode scanners so had to type in barcode numbers by hand!

They've gone bust now, bunch of plonkers.

Paris because she's probably their IT and security consultant.

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RIP Ceefax: Digital switchover kills off last teletext service

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Re: Aww

It'd be cool if web pages had a reveal feature like teletext pages do (should I say did). El Reg writters could hide funny quips about Paris and such amongst their articles!

Maybe someone should invent a new HTML <reveal> tag and used in conjunction with <blink> and some oldskool fixed width fonts we could recreate the 70s-ness of Ceefax on the web once more!

Mines the one with the Fastext remote sticking out the pocket.

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LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: Badly rendered text?

I love it when the commentards get all technical like this.

I will probably never have a use for the information you provided in your post but I am glad to read it!

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Thumbs down and Comments

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Well,

I'm upvoting you to save you from any further puzzlement. I bet some less gentle troll will downvote you now for that!

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Austrian village considers a F**king name change

LinkOfHyrule
Angel

Re: Must......not.......smile........

Urm actually, everyone knows that god speaks English with a received pronunciation accent.

Heaven is basically Tunbridge Wells but in the sky - Tunbridge-upon-Cloud they call it.

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LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Re: Give the signs a venereal disease!

That wont stop them, they'll just come armed with a giant rubber johnny to sling over the sign - this aint the 80s anymore, everyone's rubbered-up these days!

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Dad sues Apple for pushing cash-draining 'free' games at kids

LinkOfHyrule

You've got a great point! Pixel-pasty-gate they will call it! The Prime minister will make a fool of himself when he's caught out claiming to have brought a virtual pasty in Second Life only to be told that "game" dosnt exist any more having been acquired by FaceYahoogleMicroSonyAppleCorp and closed down to make way for more Smurf berry servers!

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LinkOfHyrule

Not deregulate duh.... open it up to competition, whatever, I don't know, I post on the Register comments section for crying out loud I cant be expected to know what I'm actually talking about!

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LinkOfHyrule
Coat

I wouldn't be surprised if in ten years time here in the UK, the government or maybe the EU decides to deregulate paid-for the in game item market. Forget paying 4.99 for 50 Smurf berries, you can now buy 75 Tesco own brand Smurf berries for only 2.99!

Wouldn't surprise me at all if that sort of crazy crap happened as these in game purchases will probably be considered actual tangible "things" by then if they are not already.

We live in crazy times! I'm going to set myself up as a Smurf berry trader in the City. Mines the blue one with the red hat.

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Windows 8 diet exposes Microsoft's weak ARM

LinkOfHyrule
Windows

I actually know why they chose the name RT

They used the same naming process used for XP and NT.

It's all rather simple. Get out an old dusty game of Scrabble from the back of junk cupboard. Shake the little bag of tiles about a bit and simply blindly choose two random tiles - there you have it!

Wndows 7 came about due to a blank tile and an upside down L

Trust me, Bill used to make many critical business decisions based on this method, and you gotta admit, it sort of works in a way!

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Nordic region, Ireland adopt new 'connected telly' standard

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: The point of this article was

I'm always up for a bit of Paris mate! Coorrrrrrrr!

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Google G-drive app leak sparks 5GB file vault riddle

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

""...look them up on Bing""

"Can you lot shut the eff up please! ....I'm trying to Bing in here!"

"Miss, it's bad news I'm afraid. Your husband is into Bing!"

"Oi mate, can you Bing the train times for me? No I said Bing! What are you death?"

"The Register is a tech news site for 9-12 year-olds. Says so right on Bing, bitch!"

"Urm yes, police please. My neighbour is acting suspiciously......I overheard him saying he wanted to Bing himself!"

"I'm afraid you have tested positive for Bing!"

"It's not what you know, but who you Bing!"

"Sorry I'm late honey, I got Binged pretty bad on the freeway!"

"And I was all like - dude please, that is so 2008, and she was all like - duh, it was on Bing!"

"And this court finds you guilty of all charges. You are sentenced to twelve years hard Bing!"

"Bing goes the weasel!"

"Don't worry folks, the ambulance is on it's way no thanks to Bing!"

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Ikea to integrate TV, Blu-ray, sound system into sideboard

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: It's called a Radiogram / .....a Televisiogram?

Personally, my favourite is the stripogram.

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LinkOfHyrule
Alert

In which case they must be outsourcing the electronics to Sir Clive Sinclair - Oh great!

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Ten... Bedroom Gadget Treats

LinkOfHyrule

Re: Question

It's up to you, if you wanna be naked be Sandi's guest! Sandi won't mind, she's easy, trust me!

My best advice is to 1) go to sleep wearing running shoes unless you're a hardcore nudist and don't mind the feel of cobbles against your bare skin

2) Listen to News Quiz podcasts as suggested above

3) Eat plenty of Danish bacon and play with Lego 30 minuets before bedtime

4) Watch youtube clips of Call My Bluff and "Number 73" or whatever the frig its called from the mid 80s for some classic Sandi in her prime

5) Box of tissues on the bedside table is optional

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Google's top female cheese nominated to serve on Walmart board

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Damn you Register headline writters...

I thought this was going to be a story about Walmart execs selecting a red,blue,green and yellow Google cheese from the cheeseboard for pudding at the annual Walmart conference executive luncheon!

You guys really know how to dress up a boring story as something, well not sexy, but cheesy at least!

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MI5 stinks up website with dead SSL certificate

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

"Since the MI5 website redirects to an SSL/TLS HTTPS-only version, they have effectively created a Denial of Service attack on themselves,"

They better bloody arrest themselves then and do some self waterboarding (instructions are available on certain adult websites) and then ask the US if they can be extradited and sent to gitmo.

Theirs is the orange boilersuit.

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Hacker jailed for 32 months for attack on abortion-provider site

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

Picking on women who have sought advice and services of this nature, LOW! or should I say l0w so you can understand it?

Knobcheese

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Lesser-spotted Raspberry Pi FINALLY dished up

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Re: A rubber-keyed speccy?

And these days I am sure rubber keys has a completely different meaning, unless it's 'code' for ex spectrum programmers wanting to hook up for some no strings input sessions???

Sorry I'm mental today, lol

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Mobee Magic Numpad

LinkOfHyrule

Re: But ...

Yeah they gotta enter all those crayon coordinates apparently.

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LinkOfHyrule

Re: When I were a lad.

I remember that badboy! They don't make 'em like they used to do they! I can't imagine a trackpad overlay with pictures of farmyard animals or some such on it though you never know... I am sure sheep enthusiasts use Macs, they're bound to really!

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