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* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

Google Glassholes can't take long walks off short piers thanks to Merc app

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Privacy Stuff

The government needs to see your popping veins to check to make sure you're not conducting a terrorist attack on the sewer system by dumping a huge pipe blocker of a turd!

You need to stop criticising dude - THEY ARE DOING IT FOR THE SAFETY OF OUR CHILDREN! Jeeze!

</joke> - don't worry I'm not Eadon 8.1 lol

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Microsoft introduces warning on child abuse image searches

LinkOfHyrule

Re: I wonder how many real victims of child abuse who have been photographed saw it and thought

It effing disgusting - Cameron is a nasty little man - any intelligent person can see that. Only thick people vote for him though and he knows it - heck he spends every day clearly demonstrating it!

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: "Microsoft is warning Brits who use its Bing search engine..."

Seeing as in Chrome you search from the url bar I will think you'll find Chrome offers a fully integrated peadoing experience so your're all wrong!

Google - the peado's choice™

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Lingering fingerprint fingering fingered in iOS 7 for NEW iPHONE

LinkOfHyrule

Re: I think there's an internal Reg competition

It was actually explained somewhere else on the site a few days ago that they have a crack team of highly skilled headline bitches in their basements!

This isint a joke either, this was the official line from an El Reg head honcho! - well maybe not head honcho - I cannot remember who, some person who writes stuff here, I forget their names, its all to easy to when the headlines are so great! who pays attention to the actual authors and the stories with headlines like this!

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A REGISTERED TRADEMARK Story?

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: A REGISTERED TRADEMARK Story?

If you ever do change the house style then I think you should opt for Paris inside a circle. Sort of like a no smoking sign but instead its a YES Paris sign!

I think that would really work.

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Robot cop called in after MAD BONGER blown up in LIQUID MARIJUANA EXPLOSION

LinkOfHyrule
Coffee/keyboard

Re: jazz cigarette

This is the second time in the past month or so el Reg has used the term "jazz cigarette" in an article - it cracks me up every time!

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Jurors start stretch in the cooler for Facebooking, Googling the accused

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

via chat lines such as Facebook or Myspace

Oh yes facebook that well known "chatline". What's the number again? oh yeah it's 0891 505050 if I'm not mistaken!

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Hooker in Dudley man's car 'just helping to buy tomatoes'

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Good Pricing!

For twenty notes you're either talking smackhead down an alley way or a bumper pack of Waitrose Organic Italian on the vine!

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O2 pulls plug on OAP-monitoring service

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: "blames the conservative UK market"

Well I knew that - it was a joke hence the joke icon - unless you mean the other person - I don't know if they knew that though - I'm confused now, bloody conservatives fault that is!

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

"blames the conservative UK market"

Sod blaming the market - just blame the Conservatives instead! They do seem to mess a lot of stuff up at the moment so it likely is their fault in some way! I don't think ill and older people can afford to eat any-more let alone buy "falling-down-the-stairs-detector-phones" so yeah it is their bloody fault!

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IT Crowd thesp eyes giant hot-air-filled FLYING SCROTUM

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: bollock shares?

I'm pretty poor - I wonder how much a pubes worth would cost?

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Fire up the pun-o-tron

I don't know about you but I'm just "itching" to comment on this...

Probably the biggest load of bollocks I have seen on El Reg for a while!

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One month on, Edward Snowden cleared to leave Moscow airport

LinkOfHyrule

Little ones or big hills.

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I think he should just sneak out of Russia, hop on a channel tunnel freight train like all good illegal immigrants do, jump off in the UK and make his way to North Wales. Once there, clamber up it's highest mountain, find a cave and live out the rest of his life as a hermit.

It would be the ultimate in hiding in plain sight - Snowden up Snowdon!

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Dead STEVE JOBS 'touts rival Lenovo gear' FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Just had word from the head of the wardrobe department on this new Jobs film - apparently it was the easiest gig they have ever done - they just filled a trailer up with Levis and black turtle necks - job(s) done!

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ISPs: Relax. Blocking smut online WON'T really work

LinkOfHyrule

Re: *If* Clare Perry *really* wanted to do something for "The children"

Kids can't vote - fuck 'em!

I think that's the motto!

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LinkOfHyrule

Re: It's all so depressing

Don't do that you'll be put on a watch list containing the names of anarchists, terrorists and people in their 90s!

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Sammy had Sweet Fanny Adams to do with Swiss Fanny madam's blast

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: "specially-trained team of sub editors"

Oh come on, they do their best! I'd like to see you do a better job of it without any light, water or hope of freedom and the constant threat that senior el reg staffers will get their whips out!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Bill Ray, you are wasted

Those guys do important work! The sub editors here sometimes get a little bit of stick for the odd typo slipping through into articles but their headlines are always crafted to perfection - this ones a corker, it should be entered into this years Booker Prize for literature!

Paris because this headline's worth it!

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Man sues Apple for allowing him to become addicted to PORN

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Re: Did I create an account just to call this guy a bellend of the highest order?

Can I just say - 120 upvotes - an impressive opening round there! I think that is scientific enough to undoubtedly say that porn bloke is indeed an high order bellend!

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Spotify strikes back at Radiohead - but artists are still angry

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I make shit music which is available for free at a well known "cloudy" "sound" website that dosnt even work properly half the time - I wish I got 7 cents for every play - id have ooh maybe £40-£60 by now - not bad for three years work! </sarcasm>

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D'OH! Use Tumblr on iPhone or iPad, give your password to the WORLD

LinkOfHyrule

Re: The sex-blog platform

Imagine if this place renamed as "Da Regiztr"

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

The sex-blog platform

No wonder its called Tumblr - I thought it was just a shit name I never knew they put so much clever wittiness into its naming!

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Ad man: Mozilla 'radicals' and 'extremists' want to wreck internet economy

LinkOfHyrule

Re: Dear Advertising Scum. STFU, GTFO, FOAD, & HAND.

I think its done deliberately to confuse American tourists - a bit like how you can get a train from Norwich to both Liverpool Street station and Liverpool Lime Street!

Its quite clever when you think about it - all those unnecessary train journeys by foreigners add quite a bit to our economy once you add them all up! British inventiveness at its best!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Dear Advertising Scum. STFU, GTFO, FOAD, & HAND.

Oh and P.S.

I prefer Party Rings to Third Party Cookies so eff you adverscum!

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LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: Dear Advertising Scum. STFU, GTFO, FOAD, & HAND.

The A3 goes between London and my beloved Portsmouth actually!

I love Pompey, its my favourite of all the run down inner cities!

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Malware-flingers do it back-to-front : scaM snaps, spans Macs

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

!sdratsab ykaens ehT

I'll get me coat!

Mines the one that's on back to front of course!

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Universal Credit? Universal DISCREDIT, more like, say insiders

LinkOfHyrule

Re: wow

Luckily there aint that many smack heads knocking around so it shouldn't be too much of an issue. Those that do lose their home, well that could be the perfect chance to get them into a rehab centre. I still dont understand the W Bush and Blar bit though - were they on smack too?

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LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

wow

I wish I knew what you mean but your comment is a bit too "tony blair and george w bush" for me to understand.

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Dead STEVE JOBS was a CROOK - Judge

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: In the eBook market

Some people enjoy being shafted by Apple though don't they!

It must have something to do with the rainbow coloured Unicorn horn they use to do said shafting!

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Big Beardie is watching you: Lord Sugar gets into facial recognition

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: It's alright folks....

Check this out its totally badass!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S08Mh4Z6sFw

If he's guna shove adverts down my face I'm okay with it as long as its THIS advert!

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Oi, jobless yoofs: Upload a witty video bio if you wanna find work

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

If I was an unemployed youth...

Then I would take my lead from Eddie Hitler and just look at the camera and say the following;

"Smooth, suave, sophisticated - you got it!"

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Microsoft to switch off MSN TV

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I bet the people who have this thing don't care anymore anyway seeing as all their friends stopped emailing them when the Amstrad Em@iler phone went titsup they have no used for it anyway!

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ULTRASONIC BOLLOCK BLASTERS help Hawkmoth battle The Bat

LinkOfHyrule
Pint

My interesting fact abut it is obviously completely made afterall! Fitting really!

I have only ever read it the once back in the 90s - found a copy in my dad's mag rack! I remember thinking "I have never seen so many adverts for sex lines outside of Soho phone boxes!"

I was also reminded of the Sport earlier this week watching the DVD of Bottom Live and seeing Eddie "reading" it!

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LinkOfHyrule
Happy

What a load of old bollocks!

You must be "bat shit" crazy to come up with an article such as this!

Joking aside the headline does remind me of the Sunday Sport - now there was a newspaper! Except I think for legal reasons it wasn't actually published as an actual 'news' paper!

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Upturned boat sails to Shed of the Year title

LinkOfHyrule
Pint

Re: With the £1,000 prize from the sponsors Cuprinol

Blimey, that's getting all meta! Its the shed/boat equivalent of Russian dolls crossed with thingies cat and the age old chicken and egg question - its making my head hurt just thinking about!

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LinkOfHyrule

With the £1,000 prize from the sponsors Cuprinol

I like the wooden bloke they used to have in their adverts. hmm I really must stain some wood sometime. urm anyway... good bit of marketing there! Back to the sheds...

I wonder if you could make a boat out of an upturned shed?

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UK data cops to Google: You've got three months to sort out privacy

LinkOfHyrule

Re: probably at the orders of the Bilderberg Group

That's just a drinking club - they get together, have a natter and play some darts! Maybe even a bit of wii Sports Bowling if Peter Mandleson remembers to bring it!

Na if anyone is doing any new world ordery stuff like that, they'll be in the secrete bunker with an army of evil elves and a shark infested swimming pool at their disposal.

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Love in an elevator.... testing mast: The National Lift Tower

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Good article.

I knew Northampton must have been famous for something!

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What happened to Eadon??

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I heard different - I heard he woke up one morning to find Steve Ballmer on his doorstep in a pissed off mood - "So you think Windows 8.1 on is FAIL do you? Take your coat off and meet me in the parking lot, we're guna settle this like developers!"

Eadon is still in the hospital - they still can't remove the six foot cardboard cutout of a Windows Start menu that Steve used on him as a finishing move!

If you are missing him though don't worry, I've been told I do a good impression of him sometimes much to my horror!

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Apple launches global 'iWatch' trademark blitz

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: It's like a Status Quo compilation album

They should bring that out - iQuo the album - and because it's Apple, it only uses one chord!

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Watch out Tesco Mobile: Vodafone, Sainsbury's want to eat your lunch

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Does Jamie Oliver still do adverts for Sainsbury's?

If he does, will this mean that when you phone up the Sainsbury's Mobile pay as you go Top-Up line you'll be greeted with...

"allo me old mockney sparrahw , big up for calling the Sainsbury's top up line! Spend a monkey on top ups this month and we'll give you a pukka helping of web access for free and a couple of scores of free texts!...."

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Eww! What have you done to the layout?

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I notice Paris is now batting for the other side in terms of forums posts - I cannot say I am at all surprised but it may take a little getting used to!

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Apple 'iWatch' trademark filing hints Cook's make-or-break moment looms

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

what CEO Tim Cook calls "wearables"

I'm not interested in Apple wearables - get back to me when you start doing "insertables" and you never know, maybe you could end up turning a few of us sceptics!

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30 years on: Remembering the Memotech MTX 500

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Cool - another one I aint heard of before!

Another great read!

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Obama says US won't scramble jets or twist arms for Snowden

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

They've already made a movie about him aint they?

It wasn't a Hallmark channel made for TV cry-fest though it got a full cinema release... that one where Tom Hanks lives in an airport!

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US cops make 'first ever' Bitcoin seizure following house raid

LinkOfHyrule

We've got a Lloyds and a Boots right next to each other here - talk about turf wars! I expect they'll be gang banging next, fighting over who controls the corner so they can sling their prozac and tampons!

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UK sitting on top of at least 50 years of shale gas – report

LinkOfHyrule
Holmes

Can I suggest shoving a pipeline directly into the gobs of leading politicians of all sides and fracking the heck out of their faces? They spout so much hot air that there's bound to be a usable and sustainable gas supply in there somewhere!

Sherlock 'cus he's already got a pipe sticking out his chops!

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A question of forum etiquette

LinkOfHyrule

I'm not him, I have the jokes taking the piss out of Linux on this very forum to prove it! And I actually like some Microsoft products, Solitaire is decent enough! haha!

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MSX: The Japanese are coming! The Japanese are coming!

LinkOfHyrule

Me too

They have done a number of look backs at old stuff im too young to know about over the years, quite often when some iconic bit of gear or software reaches a 10, 20 or 30 year birthday - I think its time they created a dedicated "old stuff covered in cobwebs" section on the site so that we can find them all easily!

Could call it, "El Reg's shed" or "Take me up the loft hatch!"

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