Posts by LinkOfHyrule
1509 posts • joined Friday 11th December 2009 10:15 GMT
Page:
If there is a public interest in Sky News hacking a 'dead' canoe bloke's email, dose that mean it's in the public interest for The Register to hack my adult hook-up website accounts to see who I'm banging? Exacty, NO!
If Sky had reason to think it worth hacking his emails, why not call the police and relay their suspicions to them to do it legally?
Pricks
Posted in Condom compartment hidden in iPhone case
I buy in bulk and use the johnnys on sex toys mate, makes clean up a breeze. So yes, typical register reader here.
Re: girlfriend named Cassandra?
Maybe the TV channel Dave, inspired by this plonker, could do a tech remake - Only Trolls and Hash-Tags...
Del-boy has a clapped out old Mac (one of those silly see through ones, in yellow) and he lives in the basement of a council flat with his uncle Albert who's always banging on about the war (the war between Commodore, Apple and the IBM PC - 'cus he's a geek veteran). Del-boy always has some dodgey scheme on the go, phising, hacks, DoS attacks, 419's etc - Rodney always ends up as the smuck who has to configure the TOR and remember the TrueCrypt passwords. Other common scenarios include, popping down the local boozer (The Nags Node) to buy dodgey second hand laptops from a used tech dealer with a pervy tash and swapping pirate DVDs with a geezer called Trigger who works for the local council as a sys admin.
This time next year we'll be tech millionaires! ...and talking shit to Robert Scoble.
Re: this
"If the government stopped allowing half the world's terrorists and serious criminal claiming asylum here we would not need this legislation."
Damn, my browser must have just been hijacked or click-jacked or something. I swear I logged into theregister.co.uk but my browser seems to be displaying comments from the Daily Mail website for some reason?
WTF! If only the police were monitoring me in real time, they could catch the bastards who did this!
"the poses and facial expressions of David Beckham were mildly sexual at most".
*sniggers*
Posted in Condom compartment hidden in iPhone case
Re: 'Dubbed the “Playa” '
It might cause confusion with people with eye fetishes - I believe the more extreme ones are known as "eye-players" in the BDSM community!
Posted in Condom compartment hidden in iPhone case
You're hardly a "playa" if you only carry a maximum of two johnnys on you at any one time. Speaking as man who has to buy rubbers in bulk, this would cost me a fortune in iPhones!
Posted in Corny conversations prove plants 'talk'
"so I decided as a scientist to find out."
I've used that excuse in the bedroom many a time!*
*please note I don't need therapy, my other half is also a scientist.
Re: Sir
So essentially I need to find a state with slack internet and pornography laws that is sympathetic to a bit of "Iron Lady Garden" and "Cottaging for badgers on Hampstead heath"!
I wonder where that could be?
And before I go, I must say I am very impressed to see that Firefox's spell checker includes the word "cottaging" in it's dictionary - you just dont get such perviness with closed source software products! It's a shame the word "Firefox's" isint in their dictionary though!
Re: "Theresa May, writing in The Sun"
"Well thanks a bunch - now I can't get that out of my mind. Arrghhh!!!!"
I can't work out if that is a good thing or a bad thing!
I still honestly believe there is a demand out there for a Tory fetish/porn website. Conservative-Contacts.com? Blue-Rinse-Movies.xxx? Tory-Chief-Whips.xxx? Two-Ministers-One-Policy.xxx? Just a few ideas I'm toying with.
The public is being so screwed by these guys, there's bound to be a few people idea who get off on it.
Posted in James Murdoch QUITS BSkyB chairmanship
"The company declined to comment on the news story that was "broken" by Sky News, an organisation owned by BSkyB."
That's like if the BBC News Channel had broke the news that George Alagiah had just farted in the lift at BBC TV Centre isint it? It's hardly fair to claim "BREAKING NEWS!!!!" like its some high example of journalistic endeavour when it's your own blooming company's news is it!
At least a fart actually breaks though.
Mine's the one with a faint whiff of egg.
Re: Thick eh?
I went to not one but two of those kind of schools - and now I stalk the el Reg forums for a non-living!
No offence meant to anyone, I actually did. I'd probably be hacking supermarket trolley coin-slots if it wasn't for these forums keeping me off the streets.
Re: "Theresa May, writing in The Sun"
Those of us who know even just a little bit about how computers and the interwebz tubes work clearly know she is talking out her USB socket.
However your average Sun reader sees the words "peado terrorist" and thinks "well yeah it's a good idea init guv, anything to catch those nasty peados, you get me!" while nursing off a stiffy caused by looking at some barely legal bint with her jugs out on page-three.
I'd like to see Theresa May on page-three, I'd use it as loo paper, then it'd be classed as extreme porn.
This is all like an episode of Yes Minister, if Yes Minister was shit. Shit Minister?
Also, "Home Sec"...? Is that the DIY division of Lulzsec or something?
Re: I wonder if...
I dunno if he will kick up a fuss, but I'm kicking up a fuss 'cus you made the same obvious joke I was going to make! Damn beaten to it again! I have upvoted you in disgust, Goldmember!
I'm making a new app inspired by this... It scrapes social networking sites for dog owners, their GPS locations and cleverly figures out when and where they walk their dogs. The app is called "Dog Shit Around Me" a new handy tool for smart phones that enables users to avoid likely dog shit hot spots.
I'm hoping Paris will become the face of Dog Shit Around Me.
He has obviously chosen the wrong religion...
...This would have never happened if he had used a Mac.
You're not a Camronphile are you by any chance? Damn, I need to set up that Tory Fetish site I'm always dreaming about! I would do a Labour one but they are far less kinky. The naughtiest thing they do is watch lame cable TV softcore porn.
Eeeewwww, this is like having David Cameron riffle through your knicker drawer. Which he would enjoy.
Re: I have a genuine ITVDigital monkey :-)
Teabag monkey? Is this the Register or have I stumbled into some sordid sex chat forum?
Posted in Visa shows off data centre 'moat'
Why not put one of those Occupy encampments outside it too? Pay a load of nouveau-hippies to be a human defence system. Just an idea - you gotta think outside the box in the tech industry after-all!
Is it just me or dose the name Kim Dotcom sound more suited to late 90s British Glamour model?
Re: Hmmmm
I remember that, he can't act for toffee. If only he tried to be a mainstream director instead - he could of easily been the man to bring us Avatar...
Ben Dover Films in association with SweetMeat and One Eyed Jacks Productions presents... Smurfette Dose Dorking - In glorious 3D!
In a world where people everywhere are blue and the movies are even bluer, one young woman defys all the odds and succeeds in her epic quest... to bang the entire population of a small Surrey commuter town!
Smurfette Dose Dorking - the movie event of the year, directed by the acclaimed master of meatslapping himself, Ben Dover! In cinemas now! Rated S for shit.
How to rejuvenate this stale online brand...
Maybe they can get some more users by introducing some new spin off sites...
Fens Reunited - The social network for those in the north Northfolk area
Shags Reunited - A handy tool for tracking down the source of that worrying rash
Socks Reunited - An online odd-sock swapping service - users upload pictures of their odd socks in the aim of finding another user with the same type of odd-sock in order to make a pair - kinda like a laundry based dating site
Paris Reunited - Speaks for itself (using single syllables obviously)
Re: I think I'd rather a robot went up my rectum
We're so lucky to get free fisting on the NHS in this country!
The effing cheek!
I would not work for anybody who wanted to log into my private accounts - absolutely no chance even if I was starving. The effing cheek!
If I am ever asked this in an interview I will laugh in their face. "You seriously think I am stupid enough to tell you my private log in details? Well in that case we have clearly established that I am over qualified for this position, I bid you good-day."
Posted in Internet Sex
Re: No, LinkOfHyrule.
Damn, I've been doing it wrong. I better get me some of those new fangled teledildonic devices.
Actually joking aside, the internet did result in me having the best sex ever, its how I met my other half.
Re: Provenance
I saw that show - the faked eggs seemed way too far fetched - so being China it was probably totally true!
Posted in Internet Sex
Internet sex is just a wank and a webcam. I tried it once but caught a virus, win.clap.exe
Posted in Musk muses on middle-class Mars colony
Re: Open your mind!
I had to scroll past about 25 comments to find this gem! And no, you are not the first person to think that - but are you like me, also thinking about three-breasted women?
I'm up-voting yo' ass! To Mars!!!!
Portsmouth TV - All the FAIL that's local to you
I had the (mis)fortune of being able to receive one of the old analogue local channels ten years ago - Portsmouth TV.
A days typical viewing...
8am-11am rebroadcasts of QVC - at some time around 11am the schedule changes to an hour of rebroadcasting Sky News - behold as before your eyes you witness the on screen display of the digibox that Portsmouth TV uses to receives these channels flashes up on screen during a live on air feed change! Slick presentation guys!
12pm-4pm - a live feed of one of the city councils traffic cameras showing a road - ground-breaking stuff! - well it would be if there happened to be some navies digging up the road to lay a cable!
4pm-4.15pm - locally made programs - an ultra low budget children's show staring a puppet rescued from an Oxfam shop and a female media studies student talking shite.
4.15-5pm - local show about the lives of people in Portsmouth - "I live in a tower block and my granddad used to be in the navy" - that sort of thing.
5pm-6pm - An hour of local news - lost cats, updates on previously lost cats and interviews with people who live in tower blocks about their granddad's life in the navy.
6pm - 11pm Prime Time - more rebroadcasts of QVC and Sky News, complete with live on air digibox reboots.
11pm - 8am Repeat all of the above for the few hours but in a different order and replace the kids show with a locally produced "high brow" studio discussion show produced by drunk students from Portsmouth Uni.
So the government think this sort of shit is a good idea do they? And they expect the BBC to buy some of the locally made programmes? The beeb need to set up a new channel then called "BBC Total Fucking Shite"... wait hang on, thats BBC1 aint it.
Paris, 'cus she's a big fan of Portsmouth TV, it inspired her career.
Re: WOW!
Yorkshire mills were the inspiration for Foxconn! The only thing Foxconn did differently was stack the back-to-back workers cottages on top of one another to form huge dormitories and then dangerously overcrowd them.
Mine's the one labelled "Made in Yorkshire"
Posted in Free apps suck your power: researchers
Re: Exsqueeze me???
My advice, if you've got an angry bird who's constantly demanding to know where you are, then she's probably suspecting you're having an affair! Either dump her or go to Relate (or the Jeremy Kyle show and get hooked up to a lie detector and be laughed at by a million unemployed viewers, on national telly).
Re: Just as well I don't use Online Banking
Unless you fall victim to a bedroom based man in the middle attack - aka a threesome with a thief!
Posted in Ageing Mario blamed for Nintendo's woes
Re: Mario & Sonic at the olympics?
If you had told me twenty years ago that there would one day be a game staring both Sonic and Mario and it would be set in East London of all places, I would have literally spat on your back! What is this world coming too!
Cheapo!
Dr Ashen is dicing with death with all the chemical soaked, knock off crap he comes into contact with.
Lube - the answer to everything!
I cannot stress this enough people - lube, lube, LUBE!
Lube - for all life's little problems!
They might as well do this on South West Trains too!...
I got on a train from Waterloo to Portsmouth Harbour one late night a few months back. Needing to use the loo, I politely waited outside of the disabled tardis toilet as it was engaged. A few minuets later, the door slides open and me and the other passengers in the vestibule are greeted by a drunk male commuter proudly proclaiming "I just had a wank in here!" - typical Surrey commuter!
WTF!!!!
I live in Surrey as dose My Hunt - I dread to think what Surrey TV would be like!
Why is catnip still legal then?
My old puss used to get smashed off her six tits on this stuff, how come pet shops are peddling this filth to children when it's clearly a legal feline high?!
Mine's the one that makes tails go erect!
I hate Macs 'cus...
I hate Macs 'cus I can't afford one.
Paris 'cus she is a natural fit with the town of Swindon.
Posted in Yahoo! reads! your! emails!
As useful as a teapot?
So they're as useful as a teapot? I like tea, I'd find that quite useful.
How about saying they are as tasty as a dog stools teapot?
Posted in Yahoo! reads! your! emails!
Reasonable but a bit shit
"Reasonable but a bit shit" - Microsoft's new advertising slogan
"DubStep ruins 'normal' car speakers."
Dubstep ruins everything.
Kev, this is an example of sarcasm
The man is clearly a fucking genius - I mean come on, he's got a chip in him that opens a door for him - he's the Jesus of Reading!
ima mop that bull
that phrase conjurers up images to me of a cowshed that desperately needs cleaning up!
Posted in NHS trust issues nurse jub flash alert
skintight
I'll let you make the female nurses wear PVC if you're cool with me making all the male nurses wear full rubber uniforms!
C++0x is illegal here!
"C++0x" looks to me like the ASCII art representation of a depraved sex act involving barbed wire and as such is considered "extreme porn" under English law!
Posted in ASA smackdown for Yahoo! Thelma & Louise
What in the name of Paris!
This is the same as me complaining that The Register causes me to type sarcastic bollocks into interweb forums! It just isn't true, I'm naturally predisposed to talk shit!
Posted in Zuckerberg: Give me your children
Advertispimp!
Zuckerburg - He's the mac daddy of the advertising industry!
