1512 posts • joined Friday 11th December 2009 10:15 GMT
Re: @ Anonymous John
Mephistro, your post just made me piss myself laughing! Damn I need something absorbent if you're guna make me laugh that much!
Reminds me of manbeef.com
Re: Remember Rik's party in The Young Ones?
It's a mouse!
Re: Funded by who?
Aint she Miss Lane Fox not just Miss Fox? I think it's one of those poncey double thingy names.
I've just been down the newsagents to buy a paper version but it was just a sheet of A4 with "404 PAGE NOT FOUND" printed on it in huge bold text!
Bloody print media not understanding the interwebz!
I know , I know but its a reference to Bottom Live Two though, they make mention of the fact it should really be Knorwich! Any Rik or Ade fans should get it.
Boris reminds me of a clown. He's got the hair, he's got the general body language, he's even got the clothes half the time I see him! The only thing he is missing is the big red squidgy nose!
Ken just reminds me of a bad soap opera actor, you know the sort, I will say no more.
In the interests of impartiality you can see my insults for the all the other candidates on the BBC news website www.bbc.co.uk/londonidiotcontest2012
Re: Maybe convert them to housing :)
Bloody hell, can you imagine living in a converted PC World! That'd be mental! You'd decide to redecorate the flat and behind a layer of plasterboard discover loads of Windows 95 user manuals and overpriced printer cables in the wall cavity!
That will actually happen in 50 years time on an episode of Sarah Beanies Property Ladder if she's not dead from asbestos related illness caused by too many dodgy flat redevelopments by that time.
Re: My perfect telly!
And dont forget the teletext decoder for some hot pixel-on-pixel Ceefax action! Everyone's moaning about it getting switched off this week it seems!
Paris 'cus she used to like phoning the chatlines that used to be advertised on page 345 on ITV teletext.
Re: Ah, the fun that could be had..
Indeed, some people are so thick that they think a peadiatrician is a peadophile electrician!
Re: this happened to me...
I would have said to her "what you know all the local peados? What do you hang round with them or something? Are you a member of their ring?!" and told her to fuck right off!
If however the situation called for a more polite response I would have informed her that I am not a nonce and that statistically most children are abused by people known to them so statistically speaking her kids are more likely to be abused by her than they are by me - and then told her to fuck right off!
Things like this happen because of the Daily Mail and other shit newspapers causing peadomania. Those sort of papers are so obsessed by the subject that frankly it makes me wonder! It fucks me off as I find their whole attitude abhorrent to those of us who have suffered at the hands of abusers in the past, they use something awful as a fucking marketing technique and in the process scare a load of thick people into thinking the world is crawling with Ian Huntleys. Hurry up and die print media, only thing its good for is wiping arses on!
Re: I find it amusing, but also appropriate
I worked somewhere where they couldn't even be arsed to replace broken barcode scanners so had to type in barcode numbers by hand!
They've gone bust now, bunch of plonkers.
Paris because she's probably their IT and security consultant.
It'd be cool if web pages had a reveal feature like teletext pages do (should I say did). El Reg writters could hide funny quips about Paris and such amongst their articles!
Maybe someone should invent a new HTML <reveal> tag and used in conjunction with <blink> and some oldskool fixed width fonts we could recreate the 70s-ness of Ceefax on the web once more!
Mines the one with the Fastext remote sticking out the pocket.
Re: Badly rendered text?
I love it when the commentards get all technical like this.
I will probably never have a use for the information you provided in your post but I am glad to read it!
Urm actually, everyone knows that god speaks English with a received pronunciation accent.
Heaven is basically Tunbridge Wells but in the sky - Tunbridge-upon-Cloud they call it.
You've got a great point! Pixel-pasty-gate they will call it! The Prime minister will make a fool of himself when he's caught out claiming to have brought a virtual pasty in Second Life only to be told that "game" dosnt exist any more having been acquired by FaceYahoogleMicroSonyAppleCorp and closed down to make way for more Smurf berry servers!
I actually know why they chose the name RT
They used the same naming process used for XP and NT.
It's all rather simple. Get out an old dusty game of Scrabble from the back of junk cupboard. Shake the little bag of tiles about a bit and simply blindly choose two random tiles - there you have it!
Wndows 7 came about due to a blank tile and an upside down L
Trust me, Bill used to make many critical business decisions based on this method, and you gotta admit, it sort of works in a way!
Not deregulate duh.... open it up to competition, whatever, I don't know, I post on the Register comments section for crying out loud I cant be expected to know what I'm actually talking about!
I wouldn't be surprised if in ten years time here in the UK, the government or maybe the EU decides to deregulate paid-for the in game item market. Forget paying 4.99 for 50 Smurf berries, you can now buy 75 Tesco own brand Smurf berries for only 2.99!
Wouldn't surprise me at all if that sort of crazy crap happened as these in game purchases will probably be considered actual tangible "things" by then if they are not already.
We live in crazy times! I'm going to set myself up as a Smurf berry trader in the City. Mines the blue one with the red hat.
Re: The point of this article was
I'm always up for a bit of Paris mate! Coorrrrrrrr!
""...look them up on Bing""
"Can you lot shut the eff up please! ....I'm trying to Bing in here!"
"Miss, it's bad news I'm afraid. Your husband is into Bing!"
"Oi mate, can you Bing the train times for me? No I said Bing! What are you death?"
"The Register is a tech news site for 9-12 year-olds. Says so right on Bing, bitch!"
"Urm yes, police please. My neighbour is acting suspiciously......I overheard him saying he wanted to Bing himself!"
"I'm afraid you have tested positive for Bing!"
"It's not what you know, but who you Bing!"
"Sorry I'm late honey, I got Binged pretty bad on the freeway!"
"And I was all like - dude please, that is so 2008, and she was all like - duh, it was on Bing!"
"And this court finds you guilty of all charges. You are sentenced to twelve years hard Bing!"
"Bing goes the weasel!"
"Don't worry folks, the ambulance is on it's way no thanks to Bing!"
Re: It's called a Radiogram / .....a Televisiogram?
Personally, my favourite is the stripogram.
In which case they must be outsourcing the electronics to Sir Clive Sinclair - Oh great!
It's up to you, if you wanna be naked be Sandi's guest! Sandi won't mind, she's easy, trust me!
My best advice is to 1) go to sleep wearing running shoes unless you're a hardcore nudist and don't mind the feel of cobbles against your bare skin
2) Listen to News Quiz podcasts as suggested above
3) Eat plenty of Danish bacon and play with Lego 30 minuets before bedtime
4) Watch youtube clips of Call My Bluff and "Number 73" or whatever the frig its called from the mid 80s for some classic Sandi in her prime
5) Box of tissues on the bedside table is optional
Damn you Register headline writters...
I thought this was going to be a story about Walmart execs selecting a red,blue,green and yellow Google cheese from the cheeseboard for pudding at the annual Walmart conference executive luncheon!
You guys really know how to dress up a boring story as something, well not sexy, but cheesy at least!
"Since the MI5 website redirects to an SSL/TLS HTTPS-only version, they have effectively created a Denial of Service attack on themselves,"
They better bloody arrest themselves then and do some self waterboarding (instructions are available on certain adult websites) and then ask the US if they can be extradited and sent to gitmo.
Theirs is the orange boilersuit.
Picking on women who have sought advice and services of this nature, LOW! or should I say l0w so you can understand it?
Re: A rubber-keyed speccy?
And these days I am sure rubber keys has a completely different meaning, unless it's 'code' for ex spectrum programmers wanting to hook up for some no strings input sessions???
Sorry I'm mental today, lol
Re: When I were a lad.
I remember that badboy! They don't make 'em like they used to do they! I can't imagine a trackpad overlay with pictures of farmyard animals or some such on it though you never know... I am sure sheep enthusiasts use Macs, they're bound to really!
Re: Best way to get to sleep...
One probalem with that.... weird dreams where you are chased down the High street naked by Sandi Toksvig!
Paris, cos she's a big fan of Sandi and I'd pay money (about £1.50) to see her be chased down Guildford High street by Ms Toksvig any-time! (well any-time except between 7.30am and 9am because that's when loading is allowed in the town centre so they'd be to many lorries and vans in the way and I wouldn't see the action!)
Re: I think it's safe to say
"But perhaps the device belongs in an ElReg Top Ten Medical Gadgets article"
That would actually be really cool! As someone who lived with a person who used loads of such gadgets I'd appreciate it!
Please El Reg masters do this, I want to know what the best sleep-apnea CPAP machine is and which bed-wetting alarm has the best iPhone app integration! I want to be told which stair-lift gets the thumps up (all the way to the second floor!) and which blood pressure monitor sets your heart racing!
I heard that the pizza delivery bloke couldn't get through - he couldn't find the office and needed to call back for directions so sadly one perfectly good stuffed crust peperoni with extra cheese has gone to waste thanks to teampoison - not to mention the poor terror call centre workers had to make do with a pot-noodle for their lunch!
This sort of chaos never happened to the cones hotline back in the day!
Re: Is this a tech site?
This place is a tech news site, it's just one you can make sense of while hungover and likes to get it's Paris out for the lads!
Ask an .adult
I hear that Blue Peter is setting up a new website for its model making projects that require the use of scissors and other tools that kiddies might need some assistance using...
Is it really a good idea!?
Re: Get your facts straight
"Apple is learning as they go" - they've been in this game a long time, I'd a thought they'd have a bloody clue by now!
"they are not professionals at malware/virus protection" - Clearly!
For the record I actually hate all those companies....
Google - for having a fucking stupid name.
Amazon - for having a fucking stupid name.
Samsung - for making noisy fridges.
Microsoft - for having a fucking stupid name and because one day they will probably make a Kinect enabled fridge and my bloody milk will go sour.
Apple - for having a fucking stupid name but they'd probably make a good fridge!
Re: Hah! - Do you really expect all MacOS users
I've got some oil pastels in a drawer in my living room (not pushed them much) and a Wacom tablet connected to my PC but I dont have a Mac - I'm confused - I feel like the computing equivalent of bi-curious! I need a tech agony aunt!
And you know you're quite as old when you can remember when the Simpsons was funny but didnt have Sky so were about 6 years behind watching it on BBC2.
Re: Would the "Waterfall Scenario"..
It would yes. Then the piss would go all over the iPhone and cause it stop working. The fanperson would then send it off to Apple for repair and be disappointed when greeted with the reply "Sorry but the little moisture sensor thingy inside the headphone jack has turned yellow - the Apple warranty dose not I am afraid cove piss related incidents"
Pint, because apart from ill health, pints are the leading cause of all piss related incidents in the home!
I have never heard of this game before so it comes as a cool surprise to find an interesting looking old game I know nothing about.
I must admit, and I'm not just making an obvious joke for once, I thought from the title it would be a Leisure Suit Larry style game with a frisky rabbit chap as the main character rather than a platformer. Jackrabbit sounds to me like a combination of the phrases "at it like rabbits" and "banging like a jack hammer" and of course jazz is an euphemism for porn - guess I just got a dirty mind though!
up/downvotes are the experience points!
I like to pretend that the comments section is an RPG game* - up/downvotes are the experience points!
If you're getting downvoted to much then need to level up by posting a few obvious comments and jokes, it's what I do.
*I don't really pretend that, I effing hate RPGs I'd rather be forced to watch Piers Morgan's god awful US chatshow whist being waterboarded with Buckfast! I guess I'm just good at talking shit and the majority of people who bother to vote like it, I worry about the Register readership demographic at times frankly!
Re: I can beat that
This is even better - courtesy of Ashens - As seen on TV (in some countries)...
Re: iPad - as seen on TV
In twenty years time when those programmes are repeated, the young people of that future generation will piss themselves with laughter at how bloody stupid and primitive those old fondleslab thingies look to them. It's the same as how I nearly wet myself at footage of yuppies using mobile brick phones when ever I see some documentary about how shit the 80s was!
Re: Faraday bag
If I ever write the trashy novel about the Tory MP and the dominatrix, "Faraday Bags" is the character name I'm using for her!
Customers of the UK's Nationwide Building Society...
... have suffered intermittent service to the bank's website since this morning,
...well they're not that bloody Nationwide after-all then are they!
If the interwebz existed in the 70s they'd be telling jokes like that down at the working men's club.
Re: I LIKE IT
"Where did this screaming troll come from? Did I take a wrong turn and end up at 4chan?"
Go easy on him mate, his comments always make me smile.* Even if he were a troll, you cant knock some free smilage can you!
*Yeah I know say's a lot about me, don't need to point that out I am well aware that I'm bloody weird. Not quite as weird as zero-g whiskey drinkers though.
- Geek's Guide to Britain INSIDE GCHQ: Welcome to Cheltenham's cottage industry
- 'Catastrophic failure' of 3D-printed gun in Oz Police test
- Game Theory Is the next-gen console war already One?
- Analysis Spam and the Byzantine Empire: How Bitcoin tech REALLY works
- VIDEO Herschel Space Observatory spots galaxies merging