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* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

Book-scented perfume gives eReaders whiff of authenticity

LinkOfHyrule
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Re: Stimulates movement?

Good old Daly Mail! A Kindle just don't compare in this situation, TRUST ME!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: Do they have a range of fragrances?

My company is bringing out a similar product soon - its a perfume with the fragrance of an old crusty porno mag. The main ingredient instead of water - or aqua as we call it in the trade ;) - is starch!

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Boffins program peripheral visions for ultra TV immersion

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

AWESOME!!!!!

This is going to bring a whole new dimension to Come Dine With Me! Cant effing wait!

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Mensch pal Bozier defends Menshn security, dubs critics 'snippy geeks'

LinkOfHyrule
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FAIL

WOW

It only took two and half minuets to load the homepage - amazing work guys!

Also, I know finding sensible urls is hard these days but just randomly mashing the keyboard to make up a website name is a bit lame is you ask me!

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Hackers publish payday loan emails after failing to levy 'idiot tax'

LinkOfHyrule
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Coffee/keyboard

adorable?

We need a "puked all over my keyboard / tablet / whatever device we're using" button.

Just thinking about them makes me ill. eeeewwwwww!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

but asking for $15k not to publish is certainly blackmail.

Its not blackmail - its hackmail!

BOOM BOOM I'm here all week *cheesy wink*

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Blighty laid bare as historic aerial snaps archive goes online

LinkOfHyrule
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Our system is currently experiencing an extraordinary level of traffic. Please bear with us.

Okay, I didn't realise I had to please a bear with you guys - how exactly do we please him? Sounds a bit risky if you ask me! I only wanted to look at some old photos not be involved in this weirdness!

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Firefox 'new tab' feature exposes users' secured info: Fix promised

LinkOfHyrule
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It's all gone a bit IE

These guys are dropping the ball a bit here. I know everyone raves about Chrome these days but I am fixated on the fox when it comes to tinkling the interwebz..

They need to up their game and make Firefox better than Chrome for privacy - which aint too difficult thanks to Chrome being made by the worlds largest web advertising and stalking company. Sort it out dudes! I love me some Firefox but this is Microsoft level of common sense fail!

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Tech fault at RBS and Natwest freezes millions of UK bank balances

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: Those in glass houses....

I thought this SITE was bi-Atlantic?

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Rare AutoCAD worm lifted blueprints from Peru, sent them to China

LinkOfHyrule
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Re: What difference does it make?

This aint malwear, its a productivity app!

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Tesco exec brands UltraViolet 'too complicated' for Brits

LinkOfHyrule
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Happy

Re: So... hang on...

For situations like this its not DRM we want but KDRM - Kitten Distraction and Removal Mechanism. I think Sony are working on a version which involves every Bluray coming with a free medium sized dog.

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LinkOfHyrule
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Re: Possible Hiccup No Oops - But someone Should Have gone to Eye Glass shop*

What has the shop that sells glass eyes got to do with any of this? .......oh...... eye glass not glass eye!

I mis-saw what you typed - should have gone to SPECSAVERS! I love SPECSAVERS - they are so awesome! I will say it again - SPECSAVERS!

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Arts & social-sci students briefly forced to do useful work at Foxconn

LinkOfHyrule
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Students perform tasks like trimming the edges off a mobile phone

"So what do you do for a living?"

"Well, I'm a iPhone Smoother! And I don't actually make a living from it!"

Mine's the one covered in flakes of iPhone casing,

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Ten... pieces of tat for Apple fanboys

LinkOfHyrule
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Just visit your doctor...

He or she will simply prescribe a few months of "Windows therapy" - probably something like two months of being forced to use Windows 95 without USB drivers. That'll soon cure you!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Re: Woz's specs

I wish Apple was actually run by Woz, they'd actually be cool then - but alas probably bankrupt too as he'd no doubt piss all the money up the wall on a joke product like giant Segway riding, lazer wielding robots.

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Mad Apple patent: Cloneware to convince trackers you don't like porn

LinkOfHyrule
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Gimp

This is similar to a product I have just patented - it's for people into basket weaving who are rather embarrassed by this outdated crafting method - my product browses for bizarre hardcore leather bondage porn and conducts fake cyber sex chat sex sessions on your behalf. It even orders the occasional butt-plug from on-line sex shops so that anyone tracking you will never suspect you're really just some saddo into making baskets!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Big Brother

No no no...

The real MS Agents wear sharp black suits, dark shades and knock on your door when you're home alone. You answer and the agent says to you in a menacing tone "I see you're writing a letter" - you reply in the time honoured tradition of telling them to fuck off and punching them in the face. Two minuets later their back at the door - "I see you're trying to print a document" etc

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Facebook shells out $10m for using users faces in adverts

LinkOfHyrule
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Re: sharing alternative?

I know of new FB alternative. It's called 'The Pub'.

It allows it's users the chance to share information with one another, make new contacts, play games, be social and even get into stupid tit for tat arguments over nothing just as you can on Facebook!

Mine the one that smells of stale beer

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'Kindness of America' snapper shot himself in 'act of self-promotion'

LinkOfHyrule
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FAIL

He should get a job at...

...News International or the Daily Mail, he seems well qualified. And the being drunk bit will mean he really fits in with his co-workers.

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Apple adds gay and lesbian icons to iOS 6 messaging

LinkOfHyrule
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Re: As a gay man who is MILF curious....

I cant tell if this would be the start of a beautiful friendship or the start of an ordeal ending in court cases and therapy.....

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LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Re: As a gay man who is MILF curious....

Who's the MILFophobe who downvoted me!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Flame

As a gay man who is MILF curious....

I demand a MILF icon! I Demand it now Apple! Stop discriminating!

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UK.gov Open Data site fills up with spam

LinkOfHyrule
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We've had open government data for years - usually the data is found in the bins round the back of offices or on a train seat sometime just after rush hour!

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Successful remnant of Motorola acquires successful remains of Psion

LinkOfHyrule
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It reminds me of one of the shittiest films I have ever seen "For Queen and Country" I think its called - starring Denzil Washington as a South Londoner (blimey such an awful attempt at a British accent) - anyway the only memorable part is when one of the characters mispronounces Psion as "piss on".

Urm anyway, whatever, mines the one with the piss on!

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Scots council: 9-yr-old lunch blogger was causing 'distress and harm'

LinkOfHyrule
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Little Tykes play kitchen.

No no no - its all about da a la Carte Kitchen with the Swiss roll drizzled with baked beans! Or it least it would be if it was 1987 still!

Back to the main topic - so a nine year old girl is causing harm and distress is she? I take it her local council are planning the extradition charge to the US for terrorism against canteen food as we speak - or maybe they have decided to just drone her as it's now the in thing to do to terrorists and those that cause harm and distress to society and interfere with the functioning of the state!

What a bunch of losers!

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ICANN eggfaced after publishing dot-word biz overlords' personal info

LinkOfHyrule
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FAIL

ICANN I can't

Do these guys operate out of a lock-up garage in Peckham or something?

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Scottish council muzzles 9-year-old school dinner photo blogger

LinkOfHyrule
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I think she should continue reviewing the meals - she puts that food critic bloke to shame - you know the one, he's got a stupid name and he's probably really fat too.

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Vodafone's small, controversial tax bill validated by UK.gov

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

can one "sound MILFy"?

Oh yes! They do down at Vodaphone at least - probably the MILFiest telecommunications company of them all - BT on the other hand... It's more of a dominating matron-ish vibe they give off! As for Virgin Media - well let's just say the name's a bit misleading!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: Vodafone, of course, can barely conceal its glee at the report

You're not that bird who phoned me up the other week to ask if I fancied upgrading my contract are you? I bet it is you! I thought you sounded quite MILFy I must admit! But no, I don't want a new phone thanks!

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iPhone denies existence of Gibraltar, other bits of British empire

LinkOfHyrule
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Big Brother

Re: Or use the CIA world factbook

Oh yes, I had a butchers at that once and it said Southwark was a no go zone for American tourists!

I think they should do a new spin off version - the CIA World Facebook..... hang on......

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Tesco grabs Peter Gabriel's musical streamer

LinkOfHyrule
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Happy

potentially embarrasing purchases

Are we talking Pot-Noodles, Buckfast and boyband CDs or normal stuff like johnnies, baby oil and whipped cream?

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Stephen Fry's Pushnote goes titsup

LinkOfHyrule
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You're right, I actually missed it and only spotted it after I posted mine. Still I added some colour to my version, well not colour, insult would be the correct word!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Are you the person who writes all the spam about princes in Nigeria needing my help/wanting to marry me even though they don't know what I look like? You are arnt you!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Meh

Re: I like Stephen Fry.

He is nice. Very nice. Does not mean he can't get on my tits though - seriously, being on four TV channels simultaneously of an evening is a bit much! Stephen, maybe turn a few jobs down now and then yeah? I mean seriously, Direct Line insurance - what, were the former cast of the Bill and Casualty not available that day or something - leave something for the shit actors to do too please!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

No longer pushing notes, instead pushing up daisies!

Damn, I should replace that ear eater dude with the strange hair on that show with the ironic name that Stephen does, I am that funny!

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Samsung's projector phone beamed up to Blighty

LinkOfHyrule
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FAIL

This will only be used by chav kids to watch youtube vids of shit pop/urban/dance music on buses in provincial towns - expect to have to have Justin Bieber and random rappers projected on to the back of your head on the way home from work if you use public transport!

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Intel to target TV viewers with facial recognition ad tech

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: Tampons

Mate are you watching daytime talk-shows and soaps or something? Not dissing your viewing choices but I think you're watching shows aimed at birds.

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Twitter bird reborn to the sound of whalesong

LinkOfHyrule
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The Vulture is the Register and the Register is the Vulture. It's composed of 69 overlapping rounded-rectangles - the very embodiment of Zen like simplicity and it represents a connection between people, a network if you will, that our readers are a part of. It's all about bringing peace and love to the masses through the medium of news

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Molyneux chisels away at social experiment

LinkOfHyrule
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woah!

I think my BSometer just exploded!

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O2, Be Broadband axe Pirate Bay access

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

The Pirate Bay should...

...start a UK ISP company! That'd be funny - an ISP told to block its own website!

Paris 'cus she's partial to a Jolly Roger!

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LinkedIn users buried in spam after database leak

LinkOfHyrule
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Re: Idiots

I wonder if you changed your password to that exact same message about blowing up some backwater provincial airport that got that bloke convicted for being a terror-tweeter if you'd be liable for the same offence? After all, you would be sending a disturbing/upsetting* message through a digital communication link every time you logged in.

*them's like law words or something.

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: Moral

Anything with the word "link" in its name sucks..... wait

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MPAA sympathetic to returning legitimate Megaupload files

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: $9000/day storage cost?

If you want a cheap datacentre solution - find a bloke called Dave in a east London pub who's got an empty garage and a old aircon machine - aka Dodgy Dave's Hosting Ltd. They would be a good fit for Megaupload, or Pukkaupaload as Dave would rather call it.

Paris cos she wants her home movies back that the feds stole!

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LinkedIn admits site hack, adds pinch of salt to passwords

LinkOfHyrule
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At least I heard it from them first

It's quite ironic to hear it first from a company called last.

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Police called after Romney's email and Dropbox accounts cracked

LinkOfHyrule
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Re: Time to build more prisons

No, instead we build cyber prisons - it's like your mum's basement but with bars and special non slip soap.

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Leaked Apple inventory list hints at new non-iOS hardware

LinkOfHyrule
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Gimp

Sweat is pouring down fanbois' foreheads today

TMI - I do not wish to know about the bodily fluid emissions of Apple fanbois thank you! No wonder the iPad has a wipe clean surface!

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Sean Parker launches Chatroulette killer: For why?

LinkOfHyrule
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Gimp

Cam 2 Cam?

Sometimes people just invest in things they happen to like even if the business model is shit. Maybe he's into "cyber"?

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Tube bosses: 'Wireless tickets too slow, we think'

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Just make tube travel free and ask for people to donate what they think their journey was worth once they reach their destination! Could have a little collection box in the shape of Boris Johnston's head in which people can fling their change or bonk up against.

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Firm applies for .sucks domain

LinkOfHyrule
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WTF?

This is just too stupid even for me

It's not big and it aint clever. FFS - .sucks? .hiv? .wtf would be more like it! It's the ultimate in trolling, force image conscious companies to have to buy a million different domains to protect their image - either they pay up or the cyber squating trolls move in - its win win either way for the money grabbers and the tosspots! And for the rest of us, we have to put up with stupid fucking websites name now like www.libdem.fail just cos organisations will attempt to be cool and instead look like a bunch of knobcheeses! Aggghhh!

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Apple and Foxconn back under fire for working conditions

LinkOfHyrule
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Students & Scholars Against Corporate Misbehaviour (SACOM)

SACOM sounds a bit like sack 'em if you're sloppy with the pronunciation! I they should re-brand, which brings me to my second point...

Oh my god, an article about Foxconn and Apple on the Register without the word "re-brander" in it - whatever next!

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