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* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

UK judge hands Samsung win for being 'not as cool' as iPad

LinkOfHyrule

Depeche Mode > Human League

CASIO Keyboard present samba rhythm backing track > Human League

Corrected it for you - they really do suck harder than you initially suggested.

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LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

LMAO

Bitch, you got told!

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Facebook shuts down face recognition APIs after all

LinkOfHyrule

Re: This facial tech aint up to much anyway...

Dude, you should see one that looks like a 1982 publicity shot for Bucksfizz!

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LinkOfHyrule

Re: This facial tech aint up to much anyway...

No not at all, this was a circumcised one, and it was a dead ringer for Jasper Carrot - uncanny!

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

This facial tech aint up to much anyway...

I used it on a picture of a willy and it ID'd as David Cameron.

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Microsoft sets October date for Windows 8 release

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

I hope as well as apps...

...they sell porn too - they could call it - Metro-Sexual - boom boom!

I'll get me coat, I can hear booing or is it groans...

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Is it just me or are they releasing new versions of this thing more regularly thee days? Seems like only yesterday 7 came out. Bloody windows salespeople always trying to flog you cheap crap that dosnt last! Give me a good old quality sash any day!

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British Gas bets you'll pay £150 for heating remote control

LinkOfHyrule
Flame

My heating is already automated

I have this thing called a 'thermostat' - its rather clever, inside it are like two different types of metal or some shit and it like expands and contacts and that causes the heating system to switch itself on and off to regulate temperature. I also have this other gizmo called a 'timer' - it enables me to completely automate my heating requirements and only requires minimal human intervention mainly when the seasons change - and all this came FREE with my house!

British Gas, you are silly sometimes expecting people pay actual money to turn a switch on and off, what are you like!

Flame because as a kid I loved those adverts you did where people clicked their fingers and flames spouted from their hands, I must say that was a good way for kids to be encourage to play with lighters imitating them, we had lots of fun doing mild arson thanks to your marketing genius!

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Google plants rainbow flag in anti-gay countries

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I'm a MILF curious gay man

Please google, introduce MILF pride day, plus you could have some right fun with you custom homepage images....

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Door creaks and girl farts: computing in the real world

LinkOfHyrule
Pint

Windows XP - you make me laugh.

I use windows XP on a 6 or 7 year old PC daily - you must be pissing your pants. I bet your desk chair stinks, the amount of urine that must pass through it on a daily basis when you laugh so hard at all your co-workers using their laughable computer systems.

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

WD40

This stuff works on hinges, minges, ir sensors, optial drives, rusty parallel ports, dongles and baristas. It cures ALL problems! Get with the programme and squirt some will ya!

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Ten budget inkjet printers

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

Brown????? WTF

If I brought one of those brown ones, i'd have to spend a fortune redecorating my house to look like the 1970s so that it wouldn't look out of place. I think I will give 'em a miss.

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UK is first class for train Wi-Fi in Europe

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Re: F***

That's a really good point - this dude could seriously code anywhere, I can imagine him poking at some APIs while on the bog with that thing! He might as well stay in bed and write his apps. Maybe he's got a fetish for being squished up in a railway carriage though...

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

How much work can you do on a train

I once saw bloke coding on a Macbook, whist standing up waiting for the train at Clapham Junction, then continue his coding in the middle of a packed South West Trains "Blue Train" still standing up using his "lap" top, and this train was rammed, it being the evening rush hour! He was still at it when I left the train at Woking and I think the next stop was Winchester so you can clearly do about 50 minuets work no probs lol

These bloody fanbois are committed, you gotta give them some credit! I bet Windows laptops just aint got what it takes to knock up a bit of the old C whilst on the move, standing up, with a stockbroker's sweaty armpit in your face!

Paris, because she is big fan of commuter rolling stock obviously.

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Brit anti-terror hotline hacker teen pleads guilty

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Cornish electro-geek

He's a House DJ aint he? Or does he play Dubstep now?

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: ..said to have prevented legitimate callers..

I forgot to ad me Joke Alert icon - heaven forbid someone takes it seriously, such as a Daily Mail journalist!

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LinkOfHyrule

Re: ..said to have prevented legitimate callers..

It aint actually run by the feds - its the NHS - it's an automatic six month sectioning for dialling with a non prank call - it works too. I mean seriously, you'd have to be bat-shit crazy to call it. Meanwhile, if someone who isn't a complete menace to society happens to sport a bit of the old terrorism in action, they'd be sensible enough to call 999.

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Facebook phone app attempts to seize ALL YOUR MAIL

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Re: vaseline?

Vaseline? This aint the 70s mate - lube technology has come a long way since then - pardon the pun.

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Mozilla's 'Boot to Gecko' morphs into Firefox OS

LinkOfHyrule

Fox hunt

I have a feeling this project will find itself being attacked by google in various shapes and forms. Surely this will step on a few android toes - can't see them being happy about it.

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Microsoft silently kills silent, automatic Skype install via Updates

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

she had a lute

It was obviously Folk music night then!

Talk about derailing my joke guys! You bunch of cyber bullies - we need one of those CEOP buttons on here!

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LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: So desperate

I knew some smart Alec would say that! I can't bothered to check if I have spelt stuff right any more, I am no Shakespeare you know!

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LinkOfHyrule
Pint

So desperate

Imagine being sat in the pub, minding your own, having a pint or two when suddenly...

This drunk slapper troddles up to you "heeelloo daaarling, gis us a leg over will ya! Ooohhllll you're making me go all funny, lets go to the bogs and have a bunk up, you sexy sort you!"

You reply - "look love, sod off, you're just showing yourself up!" Then you hear the barman (sys admin but deals with beer related stuff) the other side of the room shout "Right love, that's enough!! You're bard! Get outta here will ya!"

That drunk slapper - her name is Skype!

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The Grundy NewBrain is 30

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

The BBC produced a similar programme, The Silicon Factor, later that year.

I think I have seen that, a rerun on Granada Men and Motors - It didn't look like the sort of programme the beeb would make though, what with all those lovely ladies running around on an army assault course in skimpy clothing and then doing IQ test puzzles (badly) - are you sure it wasn't an ITV show?

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Apple makes Cocoa with Porridge

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

They're remaking Porridge for the modern age...

"We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences — you will go to FOXCONN for five years."

Mine's the grey one with arrows on it.

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Google.eggfaced: Chocolate Factory spaffs cash in dot-word bungle

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Re: URLs such as dogs.are/cute or fast.est/swimmer

You're right Lockwood - do these people think it's the 90s again or something! I think google might be stuck in 1999 - if only, they didn't suck back then.

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UK.gov proposes massive copyright land snatch

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

(c) teh interwebz

To big publishing company - "Mate, its cool, just use whatever pictures you find on flickr in your newspaper or book, those pussiehole general public get no protection from us any-more man, you get me!"

To member of the public - "Oi... you, you're taking liberties man, downloading that Justin Bieber song - we're guna fuck you up over this bro!"

The government are running a protection racket. I know Goventards were suspected of banging one of the Kray twins in the 60s but that don't mean you gotta act like them. Blatantly ignoring various copyright treaties is rather gangster-ish if you ask me. And yeah, looks like the publishing industry ha been paying their "rates" for some protection against the public nicking their shit!

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Join the gov consultation on net porn ... and have your identity revealed

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

Firstly - this is a bit of a bitch for those who took part having their details spunked up the internet's walls.

Secondly - fuck yeah - goventards strike again - where's me popcorn, I think this one's going to produce some very entertaining official statements and random officials talking blatent balls.

Sorry about all the swearing, but today's my "Fuck-down Friday" - they dont do them in the public sector, they have to make do with "Fuck-up Friday" instead, or at least it seems that way.

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Google claims Chrome is the world's most popular browser

LinkOfHyrule

The sneaky buggers

It's called doing a Microsoft.

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Ministers consult public on 'opt in for smut' plans

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

You don't need a new keyboard at all

The "OP" is talking sense. Often things of that nature do start early in one's life in the emotional sense.

It's stupid goventards confusing porn with sexuality once more in the same way they often confuse porn with nudity. It's pretty hypocrital consider the fucked up shit a lot of them get up to.

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Microsoft to open UK retail store early next year

LinkOfHyrule
Windows

I have some insider info regarding the shop frontage design...

The shutters outside the store that are pulled down when the joint is closed for the evening, will have a custom paint job...

Painted on will be a large Windows 98 style dialogue box with the text "This store has performed an illegal operation and has been closed by Microsoft. Aborting, Failing and Retrying at 9am (11am Sundays)

I'm not making it up*, It's part of their new marketing drive to become more "cuddly".

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Microsoft's offices gutted in Athens arson attack

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Does a Columbo

and one more thing.... Talk about fanboi-ing the flames of the fire!

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Microsoft's offices gutted in Athens arson attack

Bloody Apple fanbois - you've taken it way too far this time!!!!!!!!!

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Apple users get pricier hotel options from Orbitz

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

@Chemist

hehe a Linux guy called Chemist who makes home brew! I'd expect nothing less with those credentials!

And @the anon coward - it was a joke dude - It sucks and I knew some people would downvote it (probably apple guys or people who are not as childish as me!) I'm just making fun of a few cliches for cheap laughs - I don't know if you noticed but that happens a lot on this website! It's kinda their thing!

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LinkOfHyrule
Pint

<-- pint for the Linux dudes

My company has recently introduced a new promotion for new customers and we give you a different deal depending on your OS....

Linux - discounted real ale

Apple - a free mirror (its shiny)

Windows - free stress balls (this one really pulls the punters in)

Android (or anyone using Chrome browser on any OS) - we don't do a deal but instead up the level of tracking and targeted spam

It's all true I promise I aint making it all up for a cheap (barely funny) gag!

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Be co-founder mows BT's long grass in bid for fibre success

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

If the business goes downhill they could always do a sideline in studio-to-transmitter fibre links for pirate radio stations seeing they want to fibre up a load of high-rises!

Paris, 'cos she used to be a big fan of Kool FM back in the day and would often call in for a shout-out!

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Atari turns 40: Pong, Pac-Man and a $500 gamble

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Being of the Sega/Nintendo/Amiga/PC era meant that I actually got to play a lot of Atari as it was already the retro system by then - it seemed every other kid on our street had one of those "wooden" games machines with the "old fashioned" games with scary sound effects that was a hand me down from an older sibling or had been brought cheap at a carboot sale by their cheap-ass parents. We even had one ourselves and the first game I ever played and enjoyed was Mrs Pacman on the 2600.

You could actually still buy the things new in the mid 90s and people did (probably from catalogue companies) - by that time they were being sold with multicarts with something like 40 games in one I seem to recall. I even remember my next-door neighbour getting a couple of "new" games in about 1991 which I think were actually new releases - cant remember much about them though. I think things like that helped cement its place as classic amongst hardcore gamers though even back then. It was amazing how many people had an Atari in the attic or in the airing cupboard (seriously, these things seem to always end in there where I grew up! I guess wood-grain affect consoles just love snuggling up to immersion heaters or something)

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YouView 'launch event' to take place next week

LinkOfHyrule
Devil

I just checked the weather forecast for Hell next week - heavy frost with possible icing conditions - so it could be launching after-all!

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Ofcom: Here come the UK online copyright rules ... in 2015. Maybe

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

*Ofcom refused to allow The Register into this morning's DEA press briefing "for reasons of space"

Reasons of space?

Next it will be "oh we're washing our hair today". Next it's "Oh we've got a headache". Then "We never seem to make enough time for each other any more" and finally its "You know that other website that looks a bit like yours - well we got talking the other week and one thing led to another..."

Dudes, you're being dumped! Ofcom is breaking up with you!

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Chess algorithm written by Alan Turing goes up against Kasparov

LinkOfHyrule

I reckon Alan Turing is l337

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TechRadar shuts down forums after user database hacked

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

If only they had some sort of "radar" of the "tech" variety to alert them to incoming threats.

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Wheezing Guardian flogs radio biz for quick cash

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

Admittedly I am no publishing expert but WTF? DUDE! I think they're doing it wrong!

As for that hotel, it will be like Fawlty Towers but with lots of cardigans and iPads!

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Ballmer welcomes Yammer to the Microsoft family

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

negative connotations

It sounds like it should be a company from 2005 selling crappy ringtones, with shitty late night TV ads. If you went out surveyed people "Have you heard of Yammer?" and gave them the option of a business social network or a ringtone merchant, its the one most would pick I am sure of it!

Paris because she's into yammering.

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Users still slack about passwords: Trustwave

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

“this brings into question the integrity of the original dump"

“this brings into question the integrity of the original dump and the possibility of modification by the dumper”

Hahaha that made me chuckle - yes I am that juvenile! Come on man, I read the Register, whatcha expect!

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Stephen Hawking to demonstrate speech via brain scan

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

This will be cool, and once it's combined with the ability to control a powered wheelchair that'd be even more awesome. Though a cure for Motor Neurone disease, DMD and other conditions would be even cooler but this is great stuff and should make life a bit better (and cooler) for people with those and other disabilities in the meantime!

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Microsoft buys Yammer in $1.2bn cash deal

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

"enterprise social networking"

WTF is the word "social" doing in the middle of that expression - you're supposed to be bloody working not socialising! Bloody socialists!

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Book-scented perfume gives eReaders whiff of authenticity

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

"damp after having been left under a hedge for a week"

Trade secrete! You'd be surprised who our supplier is though - its Network Rail! I guess there's just something about old jazz mag pages and railway sidings! Talk about leaves on the line!

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Mensch pal Bozier defends Menshn security, dubs critics 'snippy geeks'

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

You can just imagine Malcolm Tucker and his adversary setting up rival social networks.

hehehe - Logs on to Twucker.com to post a "twuck"

The only social network where offensive language is #@£*ing mandatory!

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Geek moments.

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I'm always looking at the clock when its displaying 9:11....

DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUM! It's a conspiracy I tell you! It's the CIA man, their like reprogramming all the crystal oscillators in tune with peoples minds! Just like how everyone who has ever been to Milton Keynes is now part of the MK-ULTRA expeirment! I'm serious dude!

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Eco-fiddling.

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Eco-fiddling.

Maybe the deal was done before they got out of the consumer electronics biz (they did do that recently didn't they or was its a strange dream I had? Must stop dreaming about Dutch electronics companies - urm anyway)... yeah, maybe they didn't buy lunches, maybe they were just all like "hey dude, fancy a big-ass new telly and some free light bulbs?"

We need to inspect politicians living-rooms to see what make their tellies are!

These forums are a bit slow. I know the quality of this reply of mine sucks but at least you got a reply, albeit a week late!

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Google brings HD sneezing pandas to UK: But why?

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

Dose the CAD software used for industrial design have an interpolate models/drawings function?

I assume so, it looks like they just loaded up the design for a Chinese knock-off iPhone, and then the design for "generic stock Sony TV remote number 258" and just pressed the interpolate models button!

Seriously, that's one odd remote - how the frig are you supposed to cover it with electrical tape without messing up the touch-pad when the battery compartment door breaks!?

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