1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009
"You should fix your internal sensor soon. If unsure what to do, try putting your laptop near hot steam for several minutes to clean the sensor."
Now if that happened to me, and let's suppose I was someone who who knew nowt about computers and thought it was genuine even if a little weird - I wouldn't be taking the laptop into the bathroom with me, my first thought would be to head to the kitchen and brew up a cup of Twinnings!
And little nerdy perv boy, instead of seeing my lovely naked body all steamy and covered in soap, would instead be pulling his pud to images of my lime-scale coated kettle heating element and if he's lucky he might catch a glimpse of lip-on-porcelaine teacup slurping action but nothing more stimulating than that!
Windows using Idiot here...
I sometimes type things such as search queries and passwords using the on screen keyboard - I consider myself fully bi-mousual in this respect rather than to lazy to reach forward ten inches and use the keyboard! I don't need to use command lines for work related stuff or anything and I certainly have not memorised any commands but have been known to go native under special circumstances. Maybe next time the need arises I will be mousing my commands into the console window rather than fingering my way in using the keyboard, who knows, might give it a whirl!
I actually started using the on screen keyboard because for a while I shared a computer with a disabled person who could not type and his keyboard was literally, underneath his desk as he never used it!
"This may see amenities post ads to punters in the local area to promote discounted restaurant offers or last minute theatre deals, which might be just the ticket or annoying overkill. Time will tell. ®"
Finally, the Soho 'Tart Card' goes web 2.0!
Re: Big Brother's Fabian deception strategy
I never said it was trolling. I was expressing my freedom of speech in saying it males you a pussy ass bitch.
Yes I am posting under a fake name - I conduct all online "business" under a fake name and actually have two names I use "in real life" too plus a few other names I use as aliases for musical works I produce.
In all I have probably twenty to thirty names! It comes in handy for avoiding cross contamination, it means I can talk shit here unscathed too!
Here's a idea for those worried their government will arrest them for posting youtube comments - if google asks for your real name, lie! Or is that too hard?
Where's the "I'm a cowardly troll who lives in my mums basement and despite my racist and homophobic commenting past I actually jack off to inter-racial gay porn on a daily basis" option?
LOL This is just like the "good old days" of ITV with Trevor What's his face talking absolute shit on News At Ten.
Oh dude, I would so totally love to own an Amspad!
I just used MS Paint to draw a rounded rectangle and then suddenly, iTunes popped up a dialogue box titled cease and desist telling me to erase the rounded rectangle immediately or they would, to use their exact words "sue my fucking Windows using scum, ass off!"
I am of course joking, I don't really have iTunes installed *shudders*
I know I am rather late in this comment but it needs to be said...
Dear Esther? Seriously? Is this game where you take pictures of vegetables shaped like penises and send them into That's Life? If not it should be, and may I say it would be a better fit on iPhone and andriod, you could use the in built camera and send your knob pics directly to Esther Rantzen's inbox. She'd like that...
Re: I am not a Prawn
Whoever downvoted me is a prawn and the sort of person who would describe a DSL circuit as mission critical.
I am not a Prawn
"You're precisely the sort of people that use the phrase "mission critical" to describe a DSL circuit."
No I'm not. LOL I would upvote you actually as you do make me laugh but I cant be bothered, doing so isint mission critical enough!
Ha, that's arssing ironic
I was on an important call using skype the other day and the bloody thing updated itself and sodding cut us off! It's possible I accidentaly clicked on something to allow it do so as it was bugging me earlier that day to update and maybe I misclicked during one of those moments when windows slows the F down and the screen does not repaint correctly but even so, you'd think they'd bloody wait until you've finished your call!
The effing cheek! Thanks Microsoft! I would literally offer out Steve Ballmer to a pub carpark fight if it ever happens again - so annoying!
Paris because I can imagine her standing on sidelines outside the pub saying "he aint worth it Steve!"
Re: In One Sentence [sic}
David's monthly check-up at the clinic was rather unsettling. When he returned home he fired off emails to Jude Law, Brad Pitt, Angelie Jolie, Charles Clark and Delia Smith to give them the bad news...
I wonder if Rebecca Brooks will do that thing where you have a blue towel put over your head as you're led from the back door of the court to the G4S prisoner transportation van?
G4S in association with ATOS and Foxconn brings you...
...the twenty-first century British workhouse! Those of you too disabled to actually get out of bed (literally) can now relive the days of yore by being forced to work, and work hard, for your daily gruel! However, things sadly are not totally the same as the good old days - instead of smashing rocks to make railway ballast, you'll be tied to a work bench glueing batteries into Apple iPhones twelve hours a day!
Re: This is not a joke
Yo, that's my bitch bro - back off!
Re: This is not a joke
Dude you're so dead
This is not a joke
Someone paid me to kill you. You have 48 hours to upvote me. Do not call the police or someone promise to get killed. Upvote me now!
Hollywood law, Bollywood law
What about Colliers Wood law, should they follow that one too?
Siemens are normally the result of ATOS not the other way around!
I am a comedy genius!
Hmm, something emerged from under a bridge?
So that's where they founded the company! Makes a change from the old Apple cliché of starting from a garage. It kind of explains a lot actually with regards company culture, thanks for this little nugget - someone update the wiki page!
Make your own pick!
Should that not be "make your own prick!"?
You could make one out of a used toilet roll tube and three ping pong balls, one for the crown and two the for the supporting act but it will go soggy if you suck it
Amazon's UK headquarters remain in Slough.
All these global companies headquartered there... I love to think of American business people coming to the UK on business and heading to "Slug, Berk-Shire" from the airport.
This is a joke...
I really wish you guys would stay on topic ffs - this thread was supposed to be all about bowel movements! I see absolutely no reason to bring up computer hardware! Jeeze!
Re: '"new message" pings from webmail services'
Re: Olympic Brands
It's in East London but yet McD's can't even be arsed to invent a "Jellied Eel Quarter Pounder With Mash" yet have the cheek to demand only they make chips, which they do not even make anyway. The bloody cheek of it!
These games should have been run by traditional oldschool East-End gangsters. You infringe the five rings trademark - you get five fingers broken! Security is provided by proper east end thugs - they love their mums but will chuck you off the top of a council tower block as soon as looking at you if you take liberties or don't cough up for protection!
I can't Adam and Eve it sometimes!
Good ol' Group Four
They're guna have to rebrand again soon at this rate - may I suggest this time you call yourselves "Incompetas"
Re: Or maybe
I managed to go half a day without checking my upvotes - thanks to my trusty elastic-band worn on the wrist aversion therapy! As used by people giving up smoking and released into the community convicted sex offenders! On the other hand being forced to listen to steps for a whole afternoon made me want to vomit - I'm dubious about this 42 steps program but the Nigerian bloke who emailed me details says to stick with it and keep sending of the cheques (well wire transfers)!!
The thing about this site is that, all those little news stories about Apple and the goventards destroying our freedoms, they're like little morish rich tea biscuits - laced with crack - you're boss aint guna mind you having a brew and a nibble now and then, it increases productivity - but because of the highly addictive crack ingredient, you start living a double life of minimised firefox windows, refreshing the homepage and active forums every 15 minuets, checking to see if today's lame jokes taking the piss out of Linux fanbois choice of alcoholic beverage has gained any downvotes or not - no not this time, they aint as vindictive as the apple guys, they are proud of their real ale habbit!.........
You get the idea... Therapy starts next week, its the 42 steps program, involves a mixture of the ten steps, the band Steps, and that Hitchcok film.
Blimey I think I have now lost it.
Mines the straight jacket!
That should be their new slogan...
The Register - just enough IT news to get it past YOUR Internet blocks! Now with added Paris and 50% extra free Foxconn re-branding! Because your IT department is worth it!
Windowlene of course! <--upvoted
Now Linux... hmmm, the juice of four freshly squeezed penguins me think? The birds not the chocolate bar!
Re: Foxconn-marketing biz
Yeah cider - 'cus it's Apples aint it!
Not sure what drink you'd have to play the Microsoft version of this game - probably the nearest liquid would be raw untreated sewage! Or Grolsch!
We need to invent a drinking game, where every time Foxconn is mentioned on this website in an Apple story, we have to down a pint a pint of cider!
They'll be a few IT people sacked for being sozzoled on the job within a week for sure! Better make sure that park bench has wifi!
Re: Oh noes 0xDEADBEEF
Not just 8 but how about 4+4 =8
the 'equals eight' looks like a double mini roundabout with a dual carriageway poking out the said and that is well naughty!
Re: Coloured boxes.
Its's not quite the amstrad look - for that you have to make randomly selected buttons primary colours and use really bad fonts!
Re: 80's black on black hifi
What year was it that all the people on my council estate who lacked taste started painting their internal doors black and buying one of everything from the Argos black-ash living room set range?
Re: Wood Jerry, Wood
Swan vestas are cooler than flame-throwers then are they?
BBC, remake Breaking Bad - replace crystal-meth with processed catnip products, get the bloke from Finger Mouse to make some finger puppets of Jesse and Walter to play the main characters, cast Dale Winton as a Mexican drug lord, swap the New Mexico desert for the post-apocalyptic Kent village that is Dungeness and get Rolf Harris to rerecord the theme tune using a musical instrument made of out a tampon and a piece of tracing paper - and I GUARANTEE you'll be on to a winner!
I want my consultants fee now, bitch!
I feel sorry for anyone who lives there - not because of the mess - because you are being internationally bitchslapped by the Olympic whatsit-called committee and various corporate arses. All your regeneration are belong to us! Few weeks time it won't just be old buildings laying derelict either! Bitch, prepare for an Olympic legacy!
Re: Saving Face
In light of this, instead of buying him a pint, he's only getting a half now. And I'm not bringing it to him either he can come up to the bar and carry it back himself!
Dude, that aint normal. You might have a serious medical condition! And probably a serious dry cleaning bill too if this happens often!
Saw this on BBC News almost twelve hours ago and have been waiting for the Reg Story...
...Just so I could post - hahahahahahaha this is effing hilarious! I want to buy the judge a pint - coolest judge ever, totally bitch slapped both Apple and Samsung!
China, Thailand, Pakistan and elsewhere
China, Thailand, Pakistan and The United Kingdom - fixed it for you.
Man, with these dumb-arse draconian Nineteen-eighty-four style laws coming in maybe a lolcat based defence league is actually not such an effing stupid thing after-all. Ceiling cat to the rescue!
Imagine if this happened here...
"Cousin John liked Jeremy Hunt"
"Your mum liked David Mlliband"
"Uncle Jim liked Boris Johnson"
"Aunty Mabel liked the BNP!" lol
BGL Group, you're discriminating....
...against people with an unusual fetish for town centre market places! Yes it may be rare, even less common than that thing that German bird who married the Berlin wall (and then had an affair with a wooden fence) had, but that is no excuses guys!
That dude who owns comparethemarket.xxx is probably setting up a porno site for people with this fetish who want to do comparisons to see which market they find most attractive! It saves on train fares/petrol for those afflicted and eliminates the obvious embarrassment factor of being overwhelmed with lust in a public place! (Remember folks, google streetview doesn't often show pedestrianised streets and therefore lacks detailed pics of most British markets!) People with this particular sexual preference probably feel like they are being targeted and may want to sue for human rights abuses! I suggest they organise a Marketphilia awareness day and a Facebook campaign!
- +Comment 'Private Facebook' Ello: There's a REASON we're still in beta. SPAMGASM!
- NASA rover Curiosity drills HOLE in MARS 'GOLF COURSE'
- WHY did Sunday Mirror stoop to slurping selfies for smut sting?
- Business is back, baby! Hasta la VISTA, Win 8... Oh, yeah, Windows 9
- Shellshock: 'Larger scale attack' on its way, warn securo-bods