1565 posts • joined Friday 11th December 2009 10:15 GMT
How much work can you do on a train
I once saw bloke coding on a Macbook, whist standing up waiting for the train at Clapham Junction, then continue his coding in the middle of a packed South West Trains "Blue Train" still standing up using his "lap" top, and this train was rammed, it being the evening rush hour! He was still at it when I left the train at Woking and I think the next stop was Winchester so you can clearly do about 50 minuets work no probs lol
These bloody fanbois are committed, you gotta give them some credit! I bet Windows laptops just aint got what it takes to knock up a bit of the old C whilst on the move, standing up, with a stockbroker's sweaty armpit in your face!
Paris, because she is big fan of commuter rolling stock obviously.
He's a House DJ aint he? Or does he play Dubstep now?
Re: ..said to have prevented legitimate callers..
I forgot to ad me Joke Alert icon - heaven forbid someone takes it seriously, such as a Daily Mail journalist!
Re: ..said to have prevented legitimate callers..
It aint actually run by the feds - its the NHS - it's an automatic six month sectioning for dialling with a non prank call - it works too. I mean seriously, you'd have to be bat-shit crazy to call it. Meanwhile, if someone who isn't a complete menace to society happens to sport a bit of the old terrorism in action, they'd be sensible enough to call 999.
Vaseline? This aint the 70s mate - lube technology has come a long way since then - pardon the pun.
she had a lute
It was obviously Folk music night then!
Talk about derailing my joke guys! You bunch of cyber bullies - we need one of those CEOP buttons on here!
Re: So desperate
I knew some smart Alec would say that! I can't bothered to check if I have spelt stuff right any more, I am no Shakespeare you know!
The BBC produced a similar programme, The Silicon Factor, later that year.
I think I have seen that, a rerun on Granada Men and Motors - It didn't look like the sort of programme the beeb would make though, what with all those lovely ladies running around on an army assault course in skimpy clothing and then doing IQ test puzzles (badly) - are you sure it wasn't an ITV show?
Imagine being sat in the pub, minding your own, having a pint or two when suddenly...
This drunk slapper troddles up to you "heeelloo daaarling, gis us a leg over will ya! Ooohhllll you're making me go all funny, lets go to the bogs and have a bunk up, you sexy sort you!"
You reply - "look love, sod off, you're just showing yourself up!" Then you hear the barman (sys admin but deals with beer related stuff) the other side of the room shout "Right love, that's enough!! You're bard! Get outta here will ya!"
That drunk slapper - her name is Skype!
They're remaking Porridge for the modern age...
"We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences — you will go to FOXCONN for five years."
Mine's the grey one with arrows on it.
Re: URLs such as dogs.are/cute or fast.est/swimmer
You're right Lockwood - do these people think it's the 90s again or something! I think google might be stuck in 1999 - if only, they didn't suck back then.
(c) teh interwebz
To big publishing company - "Mate, its cool, just use whatever pictures you find on flickr in your newspaper or book, those pussiehole general public get no protection from us any-more man, you get me!"
To member of the public - "Oi... you, you're taking liberties man, downloading that Justin Bieber song - we're guna fuck you up over this bro!"
The government are running a protection racket. I know Goventards were suspected of banging one of the Kray twins in the 60s but that don't mean you gotta act like them. Blatantly ignoring various copyright treaties is rather gangster-ish if you ask me. And yeah, looks like the publishing industry ha been paying their "rates" for some protection against the public nicking their shit!
Firstly - this is a bit of a bitch for those who took part having their details spunked up the internet's walls.
Secondly - fuck yeah - goventards strike again - where's me popcorn, I think this one's going to produce some very entertaining official statements and random officials talking blatent balls.
Sorry about all the swearing, but today's my "Fuck-down Friday" - they dont do them in the public sector, they have to make do with "Fuck-up Friday" instead, or at least it seems that way.
The sneaky buggers
It's called doing a Microsoft.
You don't need a new keyboard at all
The "OP" is talking sense. Often things of that nature do start early in one's life in the emotional sense.
It's stupid goventards confusing porn with sexuality once more in the same way they often confuse porn with nudity. It's pretty hypocrital consider the fucked up shit a lot of them get up to.
I have some insider info regarding the shop frontage design...
The shutters outside the store that are pulled down when the joint is closed for the evening, will have a custom paint job...
Painted on will be a large Windows 98 style dialogue box with the text "This store has performed an illegal operation and has been closed by Microsoft. Aborting, Failing and Retrying at 9am (11am Sundays)
I'm not making it up*, It's part of their new marketing drive to become more "cuddly".
hehe a Linux guy called Chemist who makes home brew! I'd expect nothing less with those credentials!
And @the anon coward - it was a joke dude - It sucks and I knew some people would downvote it (probably apple guys or people who are not as childish as me!) I'm just making fun of a few cliches for cheap laughs - I don't know if you noticed but that happens a lot on this website! It's kinda their thing!
If the business goes downhill they could always do a sideline in studio-to-transmitter fibre links for pirate radio stations seeing they want to fibre up a load of high-rises!
Paris, 'cos she used to be a big fan of Kool FM back in the day and would often call in for a shout-out!
Being of the Sega/Nintendo/Amiga/PC era meant that I actually got to play a lot of Atari as it was already the retro system by then - it seemed every other kid on our street had one of those "wooden" games machines with the "old fashioned" games with scary sound effects that was a hand me down from an older sibling or had been brought cheap at a carboot sale by their cheap-ass parents. We even had one ourselves and the first game I ever played and enjoyed was Mrs Pacman on the 2600.
You could actually still buy the things new in the mid 90s and people did (probably from catalogue companies) - by that time they were being sold with multicarts with something like 40 games in one I seem to recall. I even remember my next-door neighbour getting a couple of "new" games in about 1991 which I think were actually new releases - cant remember much about them though. I think things like that helped cement its place as classic amongst hardcore gamers though even back then. It was amazing how many people had an Atari in the attic or in the airing cupboard (seriously, these things seem to always end in there where I grew up! I guess wood-grain affect consoles just love snuggling up to immersion heaters or something)
<-- pint for the Linux dudes
My company has recently introduced a new promotion for new customers and we give you a different deal depending on your OS....
Linux - discounted real ale
Apple - a free mirror (its shiny)
Windows - free stress balls (this one really pulls the punters in)
Android (or anyone using Chrome browser on any OS) - we don't do a deal but instead up the level of tracking and targeted spam
It's all true I promise I aint making it all up for a cheap (barely funny) gag!
*Ofcom refused to allow The Register into this morning's DEA press briefing "for reasons of space"
Reasons of space?
Next it will be "oh we're washing our hair today". Next it's "Oh we've got a headache". Then "We never seem to make enough time for each other any more" and finally its "You know that other website that looks a bit like yours - well we got talking the other week and one thing led to another..."
Dudes, you're being dumped! Ofcom is breaking up with you!
I reckon Alan Turing is l337
If only they had some sort of "radar" of the "tech" variety to alert them to incoming threats.
It sounds like it should be a company from 2005 selling crappy ringtones, with shitty late night TV ads. If you went out surveyed people "Have you heard of Yammer?" and gave them the option of a business social network or a ringtone merchant, its the one most would pick I am sure of it!
Paris because she's into yammering.
“this brings into question the integrity of the original dump"
“this brings into question the integrity of the original dump and the possibility of modification by the dumper”
Hahaha that made me chuckle - yes I am that juvenile! Come on man, I read the Register, whatcha expect!
This will be cool, and once it's combined with the ability to control a powered wheelchair that'd be even more awesome. Though a cure for Motor Neurone disease, DMD and other conditions would be even cooler but this is great stuff and should make life a bit better (and cooler) for people with those and other disabilities in the meantime!
"damp after having been left under a hedge for a week"
Trade secrete! You'd be surprised who our supplier is though - its Network Rail! I guess there's just something about old jazz mag pages and railway sidings! Talk about leaves on the line!
You can just imagine Malcolm Tucker and his adversary setting up rival social networks.
hehehe - Logs on to Twucker.com to post a "twuck"
The only social network where offensive language is #@£*ing mandatory!
I'm always looking at the clock when its displaying 9:11....
DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUM! It's a conspiracy I tell you! It's the CIA man, their like reprogramming all the crystal oscillators in tune with peoples minds! Just like how everyone who has ever been to Milton Keynes is now part of the MK-ULTRA expeirment! I'm serious dude!
Maybe the deal was done before they got out of the consumer electronics biz (they did do that recently didn't they or was its a strange dream I had? Must stop dreaming about Dutch electronics companies - urm anyway)... yeah, maybe they didn't buy lunches, maybe they were just all like "hey dude, fancy a big-ass new telly and some free light bulbs?"
We need to inspect politicians living-rooms to see what make their tellies are!
These forums are a bit slow. I know the quality of this reply of mine sucks but at least you got a reply, albeit a week late!
Dose the CAD software used for industrial design have an interpolate models/drawings function?
I assume so, it looks like they just loaded up the design for a Chinese knock-off iPhone, and then the design for "generic stock Sony TV remote number 258" and just pressed the interpolate models button!
Seriously, that's one odd remote - how the frig are you supposed to cover it with electrical tape without messing up the touch-pad when the battery compartment door breaks!?
Re: Stimulates movement?
Good old Daly Mail! A Kindle just don't compare in this situation, TRUST ME!
Re: Do they have a range of fragrances?
My company is bringing out a similar product soon - its a perfume with the fragrance of an old crusty porno mag. The main ingredient instead of water - or aqua as we call it in the trade ;) - is starch!
This is going to bring a whole new dimension to Come Dine With Me! Cant effing wait!
It only took two and half minuets to load the homepage - amazing work guys!
Also, I know finding sensible urls is hard these days but just randomly mashing the keyboard to make up a website name is a bit lame is you ask me!
We need a "puked all over my keyboard / tablet / whatever device we're using" button.
Just thinking about them makes me ill. eeeewwwwww!
but asking for $15k not to publish is certainly blackmail.
Its not blackmail - its hackmail!
BOOM BOOM I'm here all week *cheesy wink*
Our system is currently experiencing an extraordinary level of traffic. Please bear with us.
Okay, I didn't realise I had to please a bear with you guys - how exactly do we please him? Sounds a bit risky if you ask me! I only wanted to look at some old photos not be involved in this weirdness!
It's all gone a bit IE
These guys are dropping the ball a bit here. I know everyone raves about Chrome these days but I am fixated on the fox when it comes to tinkling the interwebz..
They need to up their game and make Firefox better than Chrome for privacy - which aint too difficult thanks to Chrome being made by the worlds largest web advertising and stalking company. Sort it out dudes! I love me some Firefox but this is Microsoft level of common sense fail!
Re: Those in glass houses....
I thought this SITE was bi-Atlantic?
Re: What difference does it make?
This aint malwear, its a productivity app!
Re: So... hang on...
For situations like this its not DRM we want but KDRM - Kitten Distraction and Removal Mechanism. I think Sony are working on a version which involves every Bluray coming with a free medium sized dog.
Re: Possible Hiccup No Oops - But someone Should Have gone to Eye Glass shop*
What has the shop that sells glass eyes got to do with any of this? .......oh...... eye glass not glass eye!
I mis-saw what you typed - should have gone to SPECSAVERS! I love SPECSAVERS - they are so awesome! I will say it again - SPECSAVERS!
Students perform tasks like trimming the edges off a mobile phone
"So what do you do for a living?"
"Well, I'm a iPhone Smoother! And I don't actually make a living from it!"
Mine's the one covered in flakes of iPhone casing,
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