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* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

Sanitary towel firm's 'CEO' sets traumatised man straight

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Bluewater I mean blue water

So WKD is actually the stuff that used to be to used on sanitary towel adverts? I cannot say I am surprised!

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Snoopers Charter is for 'incompetent criminals, accidental anarchists'

LinkOfHyrule
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Mushroom

Re: The logical extension

All those people using VPNs to access the US version of Netflix are scummy terrorists! KILL THEM ALL! drone their arses off!

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Foxconn: THESE child workers were NOT making Apple products

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Maybe there were doing GCSEs in repetitive low paid work - I heard the Tories want to bring that in here under a new name so that school leavers are well trained in stacking pound shop shelves.

Paris because she has both A and O levels!

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Apple pays up for stealing design from Swiss Railways

LinkOfHyrule
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Trollface

"Good artists copy great artists steal"

Con artists do steal that is very true indeed.

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Foxconn: Worker who lost half his brain in accident must leave hospital

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Foxconn in association with ATOS

Your claim for disability payments is now overdue - text HAEMORRHAGE to 88869 now before it's to late!

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Facebook says it's LOSING money in the UK ... pays hardly any tax

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Re: Time for a subsidy?

I think the money would be better spent on just sectioning anyone who relies on facebook as a vital part of their community actually.

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Skype worm chats up victims - then holds PCs to ransom

LinkOfHyrule
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Facepalm

Re: "lol is this your new profile pic?"

I did that on purpose - its traditional round here to always screw up when making a point about someone else's poor language skills.

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

"lol is this your new profile pic?"

There was a time when robbing people was done using proper English such as "Give me you're fucking wallet or I'll superglue you to the inside of a lift!" and none of this "lol" business!

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Teachers get earful of racy XXX chat in Capita IT cock-up

LinkOfHyrule
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Gimp

I just tried phoning up for my regular sesh with Miss Cane, I had my dunces cap on and everything but instead got put through to some bloody teacher's IT help desk!

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Motörheadphönes ears-in review

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

More Ace of Bass than Ace of Spades if you ask me!

If the music has been properly produced and mixed there's no need for a special type of headphone for certain genres of music as the music has already been eqed and mixed to sound good on any average loudspeaker thingy surely? - actually I slightly get the bass thing for dance and rap, but specialist metal headphones? I thought you were supposed to listen to that stuff loud in a dark room dripping with sweat not on your tod sat in an armchair or on the bus!

The only celebrity endorsed headphones I ever want are the Paris ones - apparently they need to be sterilised before use or you could catch ear herpes off them! Or so I'm told!

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Google Wallet: Rub our button, cough 15p for quick read

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

You should put it on this website if the advertising business ever goes titsup - the amount of times I have clicked on to a story with a kinky sounding headline only to find it was boring technology and not hardcore supersex after all, you'd be giving me a lot of refunds!

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Drinking too much coffee can MAKE YOU BLIND

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Re: Ha! The catholic church tried the same trick on me.

I always close my eyes when I do it, so it does kind of make me go blind! It's blinding stuff though!

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Draft UK libel law forces websites to axe mudslinging comments

LinkOfHyrule
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Gimp

Defamation Bill is gay

He's actually bi - I had a threes-up with him and Defamation Gill once - On the 'Heath' we used the old 'looking for badgers' excuse.

Sue me Bill and I'll tweet those pictures of you in your badger fursuit at 'that convention'

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Adobe scrambles to revoke stolen cert

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Malware signed as Adobe software

Adobe - Does exactly what it says on the tin

Paris because she actually comes with a certificate of sorts herself so I am led to believe!

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Smartphones may soon listen in on you while they sleep

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

For the record it was a jeans still on situation - you know what I mean, well I assume you do, and the phone was unlocked and in my pocket and did a last number redial or something and my mums voice started coming out of my crotch :D

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Phone and bedrooms do not mix - like the time I accidentally called my mum while I was in bed with someone.

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OLYMPIC SECRETS to stay locked up for 15 YEARS

LinkOfHyrule
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: This is a really crap forum comment

I'm a bit eccentric so laugh at things that are not funny, dad

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LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

This is a really crap forum comment

But you are not allowed to downvote me for it for 15 years - mahahahaha

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Google acts against prostitution app after complaints from Congress

LinkOfHyrule
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Gimp

This is the whole reason print media still isint dead

...Those classified ads in the back pages for 'massage' and 'executive relief'! We can't have smart phone apps coming along and stealing the very lifeblood of local newspapers can we!

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'Programming on Windows 8 just like playing bingo' - Microsoft VP

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

I played programming Bingo once

It was very confusing - two fat ladies 88, yeah I understand that - but it got very confusing when the bloke plucking the balls out shouted - two fat fucks - FF! - programming Bingo uses hexadecimal in turns out!

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Forty Canadian birds BONKING against windows EVERY MINUTE

LinkOfHyrule
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Stop

Re: The greasiness of birds native to Surrey

Just to note, I am not thick (well not that thick) the first incident with the seagull happened in Kent, I am not so dumb as to think Surrey has a shore line - unless the banks of the river at Staines-upon-the-Thames is considered tidal!?

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

The greasiness of birds native to Surrey

I've actually once seen, and again once heard, bird on glass bonking action myself!

First one was seagull vs seafront sash window - the bird ended up dead in the light-well. The second one was an unidentified bird on a window in an unoccupied room. Judging by the huge smear of grease it left behind, I suspect it was a dirty pigeon as I am led to believe pigeons are greasy birds - do we have any Bill Oddieians here who can confirm the greasiness of birds native to Surrey?

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Twitter to UK.gov: Web super-snoop law will trample twits' rights

LinkOfHyrule
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Ban UK users from using it then

It will have an upside in that the internet will no longer be polluted by Stephen Fry's textual raw sewage.

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Google to axe IE 8 support, cuts off Windows XP lifeline

LinkOfHyrule
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Coat

Re: Silly old google!

I use XP - because frankly as far as I can tell, it does (well soon to be did) pretty much everything I need a computer to do and the more recent versions don't add any thing for me.

So why the f@#k would I upgrade? Because I wish to have less money, because I like wasting time installing apps and pissing about with hard-disks? No!

That would be like buying a Barrett home's one bedroom starter home and burning down your lovely four story Georgian town house because it's a bit old now!

Microsoft's and Google's view seems to be, lets just build a great big f@#king toll motorway through the site of your lovely Georgian town house so you'll be forced to live in a toy town Barrett shit box made of MDF and builders spittle! That'll learn ya!

People are still on XP because it's actually quite good (for a piece of useless shite) you should of made it more like ME if you wanted people to abandon it sooner!

Mine's the one hanging on a beautifully crafted mahogany coat hook in the hallway but which will soon be hanging on an IKEA plastic coat hook on the back of the living room door due to having had my house forcibly 'upgraded'.

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Job-hunting honeybees rely on 'meth' to find work

LinkOfHyrule
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Mushroom

I saw 'meth'

and was expecting a bee version of Breaking Bad - I'm now left thoroughly disappointed!

Icon is of course a meth lab exploding like at the end of season four.

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Apple threatens to ruin peace worldwide with voice-controlled iMacs

LinkOfHyrule
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Windows

intelligent walls

What is one of those?

I have these bits of wall in my house that are quite clever, they are like normal walls but they give you the option of seeing through them, due to them being made from a transparent material. They are also quite smart in that they give you the option of 'opening' them, thus turning them into a wall that is temporarily non-wall like. Quite handy for letting in fresh air I find! And if none of this functionality takes your fancy, simply close it again, and use a special accessory called a curtain to cover the see through area. And there you have it! It becomes a plain old wall once again!

Oh yeah, they're called Windows! So Apple wants us to use their voice tech to control Windows does it!

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Work for beer, Neil Gaiman's wife tells musicians

LinkOfHyrule
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Gimp

"We will feed you beer, hug/high-five you up and down (pick your poison), give you merch and thank you mightily for adding to the big noise we are planning to make,"

Beer, hugs and big noises? What is that, an invitation to an orgy or something?

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The perfect CRIME? New HTTPS web hijack attack explained

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: The 'Thomas Pornin' attack.

I love a Tommy Pornin' in the morning!

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BT gets postcode knickers in twist, plants Shoreditch on Mount Everest

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Re: Failing it's GCSE geography?

Please don't knock geography it is a wonderful subject at school and college, I loved it - it seems to be a soft target for jokes a lot of the time, take the piss out of French instead, a totally useless subject!

As for the topic at hand, I have had this shit from Google maps myself recently - taking me to weird places when entering partial postcodes. As for solving this issue, they need a check box that let's you toggle on or off common sense, that should work!

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Surrey council plans to SAVE money by switching to BT

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

...or just a dickhead ahahaha

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

I live in Surrey but am originally from Berkshire - does that make me a unicorn too?

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Worker dumps council staff's private data in supermarket skip

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

True story

I know someone who as part of his work, was acting on behalf of a client who was a former employee of that council. Anyway, this person I know needed some info on his clients pension, so he called up the council to enquire - they told him to go look in the bins round the back of ASDA and if he couldn't find it there, try the bins outside Lidl!

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New monkey species with massive blue arse found in Africa

LinkOfHyrule
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Re: keyboard please ...

I know, I can't imagine George Alogireahhh (however you spell it) saying "scientist have discovered a new species of monkey and bloody hell its got a huge blue arse!"

I could imagine Paxman saying it, but he is post watershed.

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Australian tabloid decides to fight trolls ... with trolls

LinkOfHyrule
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Trollface

I have the soultion to this

Just ignore the trolls.

You should ignore what I just said I was trolling.

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BT wins £33m Surrey council superfast broadband deal

LinkOfHyrule
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I believe I am right in saying that Surrey is the most populous county in Great Britain so it could actually be true that there are more BT shareholders here than anywhere else (excluding London and other large cities maybe)

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: Takeup Proportions

Waitrose is really popular here in Surrey - I want Waitrose organic locally produced fibre! Shove it directly into my premises please!

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The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

LinkOfHyrule
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Happy

Re: Buy an old N64 just for this? Naah

I've got that disk and a Wii and a Gamcube controller which aint been used for over a year, maybe I should go have a play later - then again I still aint finished Windwaker or Twilight princess - lol and you'd think from my user name I'd be more into it! hahaha

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Microsoft to open 32 pop-up retail stores for the holidays

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

pop-up MS xmas shop

So are they going to be selling Windows 8 branded tinsel, XBox ball-balls and Office themed novelty light-up father Christmas ornaments?

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Chick-lit star snubs Menshn.com password flaw alert

LinkOfHyrule
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FAIL

I've been waiting for this.

"Not true at all" hahahaha, I'm going to need to start wearing Attends pads if you make me laugh any more than this!

OMG el Reg, you are like so totally liars and stuff, cos the Menshster says you are cos they've got SSL and encryption and they know how to google stuff and everything!

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'Immortal cancer' found in Australia

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: Cancer Duct Tape

Apple duct tape is shiny and has rounded corners

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Investor pulls out of Facebook, pumps cash into pork-printing joint

LinkOfHyrule
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Re: Have you ever seen an animal butchered and the meat processed?

Clearly you cannot understand English mate..................

I said I do not find the process involved in making good quality meat to be disgusting. Good quality meat is never made in factory conditions and the animals have a decent life - makes their meat much much more yummier if they aint all stressed out. I actually clearly stated that some of the factory farming process are sick did I not?

Man made meat - what the heck is wrong with you - yes, synthetic, non natural meat however you want to call it. I don't want to eat that shit. Give me some man made replacement organs if I need them but I am not eating that fucking lame shit! You can if you want, I am sure your printed out roast beef will be lovely and full of flavour.............. I'll stick to brutally killing cows and eating their flesh. I am obviously the most evil person in the world for that arnt I!

Fucking most epic fail I ever seen here.. You suck mate.

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LinkOfHyrule
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FAIL

Have you ever seen an animal butchered and the meat processed?

Yes I have thank you. There is nothing I find disgusting about the process actually. Some of the factory framing methods are however pretty sick, but good quality meet, no nothing about it turns my stomach at all. I am well aware where meet comes from thank you. I am not sure why all the downvotes - clearly you lot are happy to eat man made meat - I'm not. It's totally gross like I said. On the other hand, dead animals, blood, guts, organs - yum yum!

Give me tough chunk of offal over printed bacon anyday.

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LinkOfHyrule
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Coffee/keyboard

Oh man, reading that is making me want to throw up, seriously, that is totally gross!

I feel sorry for anyone who's in prison, school or eats fast food in fifteen years time. I would say go veggie but they'll probably be printing out carrots by then too at this rate!

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Foxconn certified as good employer, rights groups disagree

LinkOfHyrule
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Cheap labour is everywhere

I thought for a moment you meant Foxconn were already running Medway Council! lol

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LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Re: Cheap labour is everywhere

They'll be making iPhones here at this rate - Maybe Foxconn should buy up the Medway towns and turn it into a new factory complex - it will make the area more desirable!

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Councils launch eight spying ops on Brits A DAY using RIPA

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Bloody nora!

I just went out, and across the street from the pet shop were a load of Trading Standards Puppy Swat team officers about to do an armed raid!

As I neared the said pet shop, I heard the commanding officer on his radio say "okay guv, were going in, over" and with that - the whole team, all 20 or 30 of them, with riot shields, semi automatic weapons, and small dog cages stormed the tiny animal filled shop unit!

As the officer leading the charge smashed the door down using a battering ram, he shouted through his megaphone "By the power invested in me by RIPA, I am conducting a test purchase of a small puppy on behalf of your local Trading Standards department!". The shop then quickly became filled with thick clouds of tear gas that, along with the terrifying screams and barks of human shop staff and live canine shop produce, spewed out into the midday street!

I thought it was slightly heavy handed to be honest!

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Everything Everywhere to be Nothing Nowhere in rebrand

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

I've brought up another one pardon the pun

Orange Bile

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LinkOfHyrule
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Re: Four

vOda4One

Gets one over on all the competition!

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