Act 1, Scene 4
Senators Claire McCaskill (D-MO) and Rob Portman (R-OH) said that they have requested that executives from Comcast, Time Warner Cable, Charter, DirecTV and Dish come to Washington, DC, and explain the consistently poor reviews their organizations receive every year from customers.
Ahh, yes...I can see it now:
Congresscritter: Awright now, Mr. Head Cable Weenie, explain yerself:
Head Cable Weenie: Well, Guv'ner, we wuz just mindin' our own bizzness, 'ere, just tryin' to increase share'older value we wuz...an' doin' a-right good job of it, too, if we do say so ourselves. But then these damn customers started gettin' in our wayz, you see...an' well, we couldn't 'ave that, now could, we, Guv? So we tol' them all to bugger off. And they got all 'uffy 'n started comploi-nin!. That's all it is, Guv'ner.
Congresscritter: Comploi-nin' about raisin' share'older value, eh? Is that all it is? Well, then...carry on. Nothin' more to see 'here. Time for a brandy!