* Posts by yoinkster

184 posts • joined 26 Nov 2009

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Peak Apple: First 'profit slip' in a decade - and, boy, it's gonna be BIG

yoinkster
Thumb Up

I've been watching apple's share price drop over the last months and have enjoyed every minute of it. And yes I am therefore a sad bastard.

However, I cannot think of a more deserving company to have a massive crash and burn. I look forward every day to hearing about how they are falling apart at the seams, even with people like the BBC running über hype pro-apple articles today. I hope they fail, fizz and die, I'd consider throwing a party actually.

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Perfect sex minx calculated from 'deep' probe of X-rated flicks

yoinkster
Trollface

"men get a third of the pay women get"

WHAT!!! HOW DARE THEY!!! MEN, WE MUST MARCH!!! EQUALITY FOR ALL, EQUAL PAY FOR ALL. PORN IS TOO FULL OF WOMEN AND WE DEMAND A 50/50 QUOTA GUARANTEED BY SOME POORLY WRITTEN NEW LAW (let's stick in something about extra time off for men to recover too while we're are making demands). IT'S OUR HUMAN RIGHT!!! THIS ILLEGAL IMBALANCE HAS GONE ON FOR TOO LONG!!!!111ONEONE

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Twitter row goes to court, beak says man must cough £17,500

yoinkster

so who is Toby Pedley? Some schmo or some bigwig in the racing industry who got upset that Harris called him a nitwit?

Or is he some grease monkey trying to climb the ladder to make it to head engineer on a racing team who happened to call Harris something like a wife-beating, marriage cheating homo? (Guessing here on the contents based on what the judge told him he couldn't say any more)

Either way, sounds to me like it would be great if he lost his appeal and was bankrupted by the judgement. He's obviously flung his own mud and deserves whatever comes back from it.

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Apple may debut low-cost iPhone for emerging markets in 2013

yoinkster
Trollface

great idea

I think this will be a great idea, has anybody seen how the apple hipsters operate? If apple came out with a cheap, small, cut down version of an iphone the hipsters will undoubtedly drop their expensive one and buy the cheap one.

Hopefully then they'll hate it because it's not as good as their old iphone and start to ditch apple.

More likely though is that they'll just wait for the new iphone and buy that when it comes out, remember these people upgrade for no reason other than "it's a new thing from apple". Let's just pray the mini is so much worse than an iphone that their minds and eyes are truly opened!

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That square QR barcode on the poster? Check it's not a sticker

yoinkster

"I scanned a QR code on an advertising poster and it was really useful"

-- No-one ever.

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Major £30m cyberheist pulled off using MOBILE malware

yoinkster

I must be heartless

because I don't really have all that much sympathy for people who fall for this?

They were duped into handing over their details by a fake "upgrade the banking software" box. If this sort of thing doesn't set alarm bells ringing then you are not 'qualified' enough to use internet banking. I'm sick of people with no clue getting in a flap because they thought they were magically safe on the internet. Why do these people never learn? It's not like it's a new thing any more!

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UK climate expert warns of 3-5 degree warmer world by 2100

yoinkster

"We screwed up the planet by not understanding it"

Actually, I'm pretty certain that the planet is doing just fine thanks. It would be fine if we put all the carbons we have out there! It would equally be quite happy if we set off all the nukes we have. Sure, it would be catastrophic for us but the planet will be perfectly happy.

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yoinkster
Joke

yes but will we still have football 4/5 nights a week?!

will they still be able to play cricket?!

these are the important questions we need answers to ASAP before committing down either path!!!!111

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Russian iTunes offers smut video links

yoinkster
WTF?

Since when has there been pornography on the internet?!

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Court ruling means Kim Dotcom can sue NZ spooks

yoinkster

I look forward to the day that we can have a genuine nice bloke nail the spooks, as much as I support this geezer in his case he's kind of annoying. Same with julian and mcafee. It would be nice to have someone likable getting their boot in. Say, a Samsung type person, one that everyone agrees with, likes and wants to win!

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Copying Wikipedia's lies is not just for hacks, right Lord Leveson?

yoinkster
Happy

It's what I'd do when needing to write a long report. No-one needs to check the filler as it's not important, he just needs to make sure that when he says "someone should be in jail for doing X,Y,Z" that he's got those bits correct.

Still, brought a smile to my face. I remember reading Bob Hoskins wiki page just after Bob Holness died and it had been recently edited to say he was part of the Bob duo who had hosted Blockbusters at some point. More chuckling.

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Start the clock! Public sector web MUST be disabled-friendly by 2015

yoinkster
WTF?

100 meeeeellion?

So they are saying that like 1 in 5 or 6 are disabled? That seems like a high number to me :/

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Hero Playmonaut lost at sea as SPEARS ditches in Channel

yoinkster

well that news just ruined my day :(

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Man facing rare refusal-to-unlock-encryption charge: Court date set

yoinkster

@The BigYin

When arrested in England and Wales, the arresting officer will read you your rights and (s)he will say something like:

"You have the right to remain silent, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence."

This I'd imagine then gets superseded by further laws that I presume state things like "You must provide decryption keys when requested for the collection of evidence" (which I don't agree with personally).

So yes, we do roughly speaking have the right to remain silent until that is removed by another law depending on your case. I don't think a court will convict anyone who stays silent when asked "did you kill Testy McTest?" for example.

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Gangnam Style beats Bieber Baby, becomes biggest timewaste EVER

yoinkster
Happy

Well to be fair, every generation has to have their silly dance craze. We had the macarena, they've got gangnam style. Personally, I think we came out better off!

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Just bought an Apple product? Need support NOW? Drop an F-BOMB

yoinkster
Joke

I was hoping it would work by saying "maybe I'll buy an Android" but I think the headline might draw a bit too much attention

"JUST BOUGHT AN APPLE PRODUCT? NEED SUPPORT NOW? DROP AN A-BOMB"

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NSW Information Commissioner sends email to wrong list

yoinkster
Happy

Out of interest I'd love to know the page impressions stats for this vs other similar gubbermint e-mail cock-ups because, as stated above, I absolutely read that as NSFW and very nearly didn't read it!

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Reader input required: review our reviews

yoinkster

Only one request

.... Single site sign on!!!!!111oneoneone

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Apple tries to add Galaxy Note, Jelly Bean to patent slapfest

yoinkster

I know I'm late...

I know I'm a bit late to this party but I find the wording of the two statements the most eye catching.

apple say "we have decided their products infringe"

Samsung say "we allege they infringe"

says it all.

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British judge: Say you're sorry Apple... this time like you MEAN it

yoinkster
Happy

"Judge Jacob said:

I’m at a loss that a company such as Apple would do this."

I'll tell you why Mr Judge. It's because apple are arrogant bellends and wanted to stick two fingers up at your authority. You should've had them executed there and then.

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Google data center spies on ITSELF: 'Like a boring version of Doom'

yoinkster
Thumb Up

you've missed many of the other cool easter eggs.

That computer screen you see (not the one's rickrolling us) has a graph for the SUPER SECRET PUE PLAN.

There's a caged, waving Android. There's a notice on a notice board saying "WARNING THIS NOTICE HAS SHARP EDGES DO NOT TOUCH". They've got those kids foot scooter things and a parking bay for them next to the caged Android. Can't remember the rest but there's so much hilarity in it, thoroughly recommend anyone having a quick walk through.

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Google updates Street View with 250,000 miles of footage

yoinkster
Pint

Re: Let's try again @Peter 39

I'm not sure I agree but then, I'm not sure I'd be right.

The application is called iOS Maps, so substituting that in we get

"Presumably if the application was better than Google's offering"

which sounds fine to me. Isn't it a bit like "a group of players was crying" because there's only one group of many players and here there's only one application of many maps? But then you've got "iOS maps" indicating you are referring to the maps on iOS so then yours could be argued as correct too...

Beer because who cares, it's Friday!

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Man City drags Big Data into Big Football

yoinkster
Thumb Up

Ooohhhh please make this the norm on el reg. A bit of footy banter is all that's missing from the experience. Some people call it bitterness, people in the know cal it banter.

I am a bit gutted you didn't get a dig in a theo, that talentless overpaid schlub needs a good kicking (verbally), don't miss your chance!

Up The Arse!

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Myspace mutates Windows 8 with new look

yoinkster
FAIL

Is it me or did that promo video look decidedly aimed at hipsters? Photos of food, pointless black and white and poorly filtered photos ... urgh, looks like a terrible place to visit.

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Ulster Bank waves £100 at punters pummelled by RBS IT fiasco

yoinkster
FAIL

Re: AC just above ...

RTFA. Now, after you've read it again, RTFYA.

It clearly states that they will pay an additional 20% on top of these expenses up to a maximum of £100. So they cover your totally made up costs of £135 and then they'll give you an extra £27 for the heartache. But then again, they'd totally reject your demand of £15/hr for being on the phone and they'll also reject that it took 3 hours cos I can bet you it wouldn't have taken that long.

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Wireless Power breakthrough: Iron Man can lose the chest reactor

yoinkster

hehehe, Poon.

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Behold: First look at Office 2013, with screenshots

yoinkster
FAIL

I'm probably in the minority here but I'm not overly fussed about the UI changes, having got used to the ribbon I now quite like it. So I'm upset about the screenshots (but the ALL CAPS does look annoying).

I don't like it when things are designed for tablets and then forced on desktop users. Metro and the BBC homepage spring to mind. Fortunately here they seem to have paid attention to both sides so maybe credit where it's due there?

But what absolutely kills it for me is this cloud rubbish and the privacy concerns. I might work with sensitive data (whether that's govt sensitive or industry sensitive is by the by) and as such the attempted social integration is a deal breaker. I work on my work, I save it, I print it, I file it. It's mine. I don't want to post to SharePoint or linkedin saying "Updated Production Schedule, last saved at 14.32". Just ... fuck off. Honestly. This social and cloud junk really grinds my gears. I hate what the business world has become because of it, makes me want to punch people in the face repeatedly (:

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French court: YouTube has done 'enough' to avoid copyright liability

yoinkster
WTF?

"EU law protects service providers from liability for material that they neither create nor monitor but simply store or pass on to users of their service."

Remind me again, what does The Pirate Bay do exactly?

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Special Projects Burro pops his hooves

yoinkster
Unhappy

Gutted, I remember saying to you in Sept '10 that that was one nice ass.

Terrible loss :(

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Vodafone's cash mountain rocked by eurozone emergency

yoinkster
FAIL

Re: Nice to see....

Dear ukgnome,

we were unable to process your letter as it, firstly, is not addressed to us and secondly, we are yet to translate what you meant around "of".

Rgds,

Vodafone.

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Txt-speak is a sign of humanity 4 U

yoinkster
Thumb Up

Re: LNK CR B82REZ 2g4

je mapel Ali eh ja beet in STAINES.

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Kelvin MacKenzie blasts 'footie rights warehouse' BSkyB

yoinkster
FAIL

Brilliant idea! Let's spread it over 5 different operators that each charge their own subscription fees! Give the consumer better choice! Who cares if it costs them an extra £20 a month to view the same amount of football they used to get with Sky!

I'm no murdoch lover but you have to hand it to Sky, they single handedly made football worth billions and now they aren't allowed to have the rights to the football any more so the consumer can have "a choice". But it's a fake choice because the matches aren't broadcast by two different channels, the two different channels just have different games. What sort of choice is that?

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Microsoft makes carbon neutrality pledge

yoinkster

I really hope this is just a press release to appease the green crackpots. No-one who matters gives a shit about your carbon footprint, MS, you carry on doing what you're ... well not what you're good as that's a short list but you just carry on regardless (:

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Intergalactic speed demon stars bid Milky Way farewell

yoinkster
Thumb Up

How big are these bad boys? Sun-sized? Supermegamassive? Pea-sized?

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Eddie Murphy heading for worst movie ever glory

yoinkster

There are many bad films, but most of the bad films are bad because they either star nobodies or have the budget of a pub session.

The worst film that was a real film that I've ever seen is 2012. Apart from the flying giraffe (or was it a rhino?) 2012 is abysmal.

Maybe though the people involved in this film wanted it to be bad so they could get the press coverage and get people to buy it "to see how bad it is"? Can't say that's all that bad a marketing strategy if you ask me.

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Samsung and LG hit with MASSIVE price fixing fine

yoinkster
FAIL

"incentivise"

Bad Register! Very bad. Go and sit in the corner and think about what you just said.

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Readers suggest LOHAN mount single mighty rod

yoinkster

Do you need an extra rod? Can you not fit a curly clip thingy (technical term that) to the top of LOHAN and attach her to the truss itself?

Or carve a groove into the bottom of the truss and attach LOHAN to a pin of some sort that'll then plough through the groove on ignition?

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No 10 develops Terminator iPad app 'to fire ministers'

yoinkster

An iPad app? That will therefore have to be made available in the appstore?

What's to stop me (apart from the lack of apple hardware in my life) from using the app when it gets released in 5 years time? (Genuine question)

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Brits trapped in confusing council website labyrinths - survey

yoinkster
FAIL

Re: con-cil @Jan 0

Errr Jan 0, direct debits do put you in control.

Someone somewhere makes a mistake and the wrong amount gets removed from your account? Tell your bank and they are obliged to credit the money (and charges if applicable iirc) back in and investigate the problem at their expense.

Are you perhaps too moronic to be able to check your statements either regularly online or when they come through the post?

It's your money, so save it by using direct debits and spend less time each month checking your statements than you would paying each bill manually. What's not to like?

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It never ends: TV exposé tags new Android privacy howler

yoinkster
Thumb Up

awesome

"This app requires no special permissions to run"

There's a good app!

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Apple snags blockbuster multi-touch patent

yoinkster
Coat

Re: Give me strength...

Anyone else read that as Samuel L Jackson? ... no-one? :/

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EC: 'Friends-only' natter not subject to 'right to be forgotten'

yoinkster

I don't see why one does not have the right to say to facebook "I would like to leave facebook and as such I politely request that everything you have on me/my e-mail address/etc is removed from your databases."

What's so complicated about that? Sure, facebook ain't gonna like it but I think that simple right is what we should all have.

None of this "some of my posts can stay", just simply "I want to close my account, *delete* it and everything related to it please."

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Proview parks IPAD battle tanks on Apple's US lawn

yoinkster

Like it. Like it a lot.

Tell China that they still own the ipad trademark. Tell the US that apple bought the trademark off them and it wasn't fair. That's some seriously good joined up thinking there.

Anyway, no matter how bad these bottom feeders are, they still have my full, unwavering support throughout their fight with apple. I'd support anyone against apple because apple are the problem with their stupid "design patents" and their attempts to patent keyboards from the 70s. Hell I'm even happy for *lawyers* to benefit from all this stupidity!

GO PROVIEW! GO SAMSUNG!

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Hey Commentards! This pre-populated 'reply to' is for you

yoinkster
Thumb Up

My super more awesome way that the reply button should work.

No-one cares about titles, titles are for writers. We are all simple trolls!

Would it not be better to have the reply button populate the reply title with the user's handle and an @? And if we get some clown posting as a coward it could come up with @AC $post_time$ in the reply title. In fact, you could put the time in anyway in case someone posts multiple times in a thread.

It's much easier to see a convo develop when people are referring back to nicks instead of titles because as we've seen here, we can end up with bajillions of "Re:"s and it gets messy.

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Ten... Valentine's Day gifts for him

yoinkster
FAIL

I think you'll find the male version of valentine's day is much cheaper and is much easier for the other half to figure out what has to be done to "pass the test". None of the "omg, is this the right gift" or "have I spent enough this year?!" worries that males have to deal with (and get wrong regardless of success). Anyway:

March 14th - Steak and Blowjob Day. http://www.officialsteakandblowjobday.com/

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Shark versus shark in Barrier Reef DEATH MATCH

yoinkster
Thumb Up

Heh, reminds me of the (very old) "Snake eats Gator then explodes" story on the BBC that I'm sure everyone has seen:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4313978.stm

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Apple Stores getting petitions on ethical conduct for breakfast

yoinkster
FAIL

so basically apple customers are complaining, in essence, that their igadgets are too cheap and more money should be spent on employee wages. Yup, I can see apple accepting lower profits for the good of the chinese worker!

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Apple's Hong Kong store rolls out iPhone 'reservation' system

yoinkster
Thumb Down

But what difference does it make? Sell one to a scalper who sells it to a user or sell one to a user. All that means is that apple have still sold ... one unit at its retail price.

Sure it stops other people making money (how dare other people try to make money as well the dastards!) who you could argue don't deserve it but I don't see apple keeping stock levels high enough in china to keep up with demand so I'm not surprised people are out to make a quick LEGAL buck.

Ford would easily have let me buy a new Focus RS for ~30k for me to then sell it for ~40k (back when they were really new and in demand), so why should apple get in the way of legitimate trading?

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Heathrow facial recognition tech stalled by borders fiasco

yoinkster
Black Helicopters

"improve queuing times for passengers"

well how about you just open more desks and put more people behind said desks to check the passports?

I'd rather they properly checked people coming in to the country than try to make the experience frictionless, bitch!

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Kelihos botnet BACK FROM THE DEAD

yoinkster

The fact that people fall for this sort of trick is exactly the reason why it should have been used to clean the machines. Remember these people have got their machines infected (probably by following a dodgy popup instruction) so it is absolutely correct to aim a legitimate popup at them as they obviously follow these sorts of instructions.

Yes, we tell them every day that it's a ruse and should never be trusted but have they listened?

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