Tube Station cleared after Hackers release nasty smells

Westminster Tube Station was cleared today after hackers broke into thousands of peoples iPhones and caused their ChatPerf to emit the cloying stench of failure.

Puppet time

Jeff Dunham needs to get a new Puppet called Henry the Dead Lawyer.

Catch phrase would of course be "......... I SUE YOU!"

You pays yer money,...

I currently prefer Android, even the messy Samsung/HTC/Sony crapped on versions. I've tried a Nokia WinPho and yes it's slick but really limiting in how to do things. The Apples are overpriced and too locked down for me and also suffer from an image problem (and no, there isn't an app for that!). Android I can customise to my hearts content, I can root and CM it, or I can just remove the dross and add the apps/widgets that I want. I can run WiFi Analysers and other stuff that Apple won't permit for whatever reason, and if I want to run something that isn't Google approved, then I flick a switch, install an APK file and then flick it back. (Yes I check the App security first). Most of my friends are Droid users and we don't laugh too loud at the iOS users,... unless they are out of earshot. I've yet to use BB10 but I have an open mind and will try anything once. When the next big thing comes along, I'll wait for the marketing hype to die and then choose the one that best suits me. I currently have an S2 (work phone), a rooted/CM'ed HTC Desire, and a Note 10.1".

Hole, money, pour

Nobody wants a flying car except a few rich gullible Americans who are too fat and lazy to get out of their air-conditioned car and hump their carcass the 20 feet to their PPL, Helicopter or business jet. Until somebody invents cheap gravity neutralisation we will just have to get along with normal cars. As for flying the plane/car you will still need a pilots license so not likely to get too many untrained pilots up there. 4D manoeuvres are those where you aim to be at a certain 3D point at a particular time. It's not easy at all. Most car drivers struggle to remember to KEEP LEFT on motorways, let alone keep track of traffic around them in 3 dimensions. Even if they do come up with aircars for the masses, they will HAVE to be computer controlled. No way in hell I would get in one otherwise.

I'm a MUTANT!

If I don't shave for 10 days then I have a beard. Not stubble, a measurable, grab-able beard. Am I a even more of a Mutant than the rest of you? As I get older it gets easier and easier to not shave for 1 day mid week as the grey stubble just doesn't show that well. No I'm not a beardy but one day I may well be.

Guesswork

How on earth can anybody predict future phone purchases up to 2017? Four years ago Android was crap, Apple was stupidly expensive and everybody owned Blackberrys & Nokias. In 4 years time I predict that we the market will be a 4 way split between iOS9, Android 8, Windows 11 and Phonety 2.3. Phonety will be the new kid on the block that can predict your desires by reading your body language and will be the new "Big Thing" that everyone has to have. Apple will be for old, sales & marketing people. Android for the middle aged, middle management & unimaginative. Windows for the gullible,.... and Phonety will be for for techies and anyone under 30. Yes, it probably won't be called Phonety, more likely to be "Dazzle" or "Bling" if the marketing types get hold of it.

Ybox?

Y buy one? I've always hated console controllers. Y design a controller that uses the LEAST dexterous of our five digits as the primary controller? It's nearly as bad as the controls in a car. Motorcycles have a much more sensible layout. I'd far rather have a keyboard and mouse any day of the week. As for Kinect,... watching my neighbour dance, twitch and fall over is moderately entertaining, until he notices me laughing at his epileptic spasms and closes the curtains.

Cost reduction

The only reason any banks & retailers ever considered NFC Bonking is that they hoped it would reduce their cash handling costs and/or credit card costs. As it turns out it will cost about the same, so most of them really cannot be bothered with YET ANOTHER payment method. So, we will almost certainly stay with cash and card. Most of them were relieved when cheques were finally phased out last year.

As for the north American credit card security panics, that is because they have yet to implement Chip&Pin (EMV) so all in person transactions require a signature (like that ever prevented fraud) and all remote transactions require the CVC. As a consequence card fraud over there is rife and increasing but they are starting to implement EMV this year. Canada has less than half the Card Fraud rate of the USA or Mexico but it is still double that of the western EU countries.

Password management

I use the open-source KeePass to manage my passwords and a quick count reveals 79 accounts which require passwords. Am I supposed to remember 79 different complex passwords to keep Ofcom happy? Yes, I use the same password many times over in different circumstances but all my important accounts use complex passwords and some use other methods of identification. I have several webmail accounts that use similar passwords and all these forums & shopping sites that want you to login all get the same password as they are way less critical. Looks to me like someone at Ofcom has too much time on their hands. No surprise there as it is a "government" body and therefore by definition inefficient and full of seat warmers and appointees who constantly feel the need to justify their employment. People reuse passwords. Live with it. Better yet, come up with a better way rather than bitching at people,.... for being people.

Google Convert sux

I have used Josh Madisons Convert for years. It's freeware, works and is accurate. http://joshmadison.com/convert-for-windows/ . Concerning the WIMPs, we need to consult with the Council before the Dark Side takes control. I tried to do just that but the security guard at the local Council threw me out. They seem to discriminate against people wearing aluminium foil hats. ;-)

TOO MANY ******* PEOPLE

I keep repeating this and for some of you it may get through one day. The problem isn't one of which energy source to use, or which is "cleanest". The problem is that the average person (WORLD average) uses 7.5Kwh every day and there are over 7 BILLION of us on the planet. The ONLY way we will ever get global warming under control is by reducing our population. Even if we manage to get around the CO2 issue, what about the HEAT generated by 25 Billion people and their 7.5Kwh/day. Where is all that heat going to go? Earth is surrounded by vacuum and vacuum is one of THE best insulators there is. So, how do we get rid of that heat? Magic? Or do we just cook in our own sweat?

Android, but not sure which

I like HTCs best. Samsungs UI isn't as good, but these change with nearly every release so I will wait until I decide I need a new phone and then look around and make my choice. I laughed at a fanboi friend recently after showing him a really useful Android app called WiFi Analyzer. He spent nearly 30 mins in iTunes trying to find something even close in capabilities. Turns out Apple have banned WiFi scanners from iTunes. Walled garden phones and tablets are find for non-it savvy end users but useless for us techs. El Reg is gonna have to add a FanDroid icon soon.

What a waste

God knows what effect those cheap lights will have on the Aventadors aerodynamics. I hereby offer my services as test driver :-) In the UK we don't need fast police cars. Helicopters are faster and Radio travels at the speed of light which is a tad faster than any car, motorcycle or anything else man-made for that matter. Soon the Police will go back to bicycles as they will become the fastest thing on the roads.

How much?

I'd buy a Win8 tablet/slab if they weren't so damned expensive. I bought a Galaxy Note 10.1 just after Xmas for £320 and wasn't going to pay nearly double that for 2" more and way less apps. iOS was right out of the question due to Apple lock downs on WiFi Analyzing apps and similar restrictions, as well as the price. Apps and price is where it's at. Fiddling with yer inches just gets you arrested. :-)

Rip off

I have always hated all of these "add-on" fees. Be they booking fees, surcharges, cost recovery, or any other form of fee that the company will have to pay. So, here is a message to all companies that charge such fees:

Why not just include the "fee" in the price of your item? I have no objection to paying a slightly more to have tickets emailed/posted to me rather than having to travel to the theatre myself to buy them. I feel the same about the ISP con-artists who sell broadband at £3 a month (Plus £15pm Line Rental). Why not just say £18pm Including Line Rental? Be INCLUSIVE! And the first person to ban the practice of selling items at £189.99 or £199.95 gets my vote too. What a waste of space that is. Just sell it for £190 or £200. Nobody cares about the 1p saving.

KISS

Keep It Simple Stupid! 2 wires that run from the battery (via a fuse!) to 2 separate connectors at the rear of spaceplane. When the rocket fire the thrust will blast them out way before the spaceplane starts to move. You could even tape the bare ends of the wires to the plane with conductive tape as you only need the connection functional up to launch.

This week....

...I are mostly be watching BDSM.

@ Arachnoid - Only if you pee'd on them.

Farcebook

What is worst about the App is that you cannot uninstall it even on current phones without rooting them. It's a resource hog and I don't want it installed, let alone running. No I wouldn't buy any smartphone that was based on Farcebook, and if they keep this up I may well do what several of my friends (real friends) have done and shutdown their account. Have a website and an app by all means but don't try and force it on people who don't want it. All you do is alienate them.

Hog-Napped

She was Hog-Napped by our Alien Masters as during her ascent she witnessed that which must not be witnessed and now the MIB have her and are in the process of brain-washing her. She will be found on Wednesday with no memory of where she has been and what happened. All cameras will be broken and all memory wiped.

Yer not strange

I also find most site Apps a waste of time and most "mobile" website are irritating shite. I prefer the whole "desktop" website experience.

One of the things that the designers of mobile browsers might want to add is the Option to ALWAYS present itself as a "desktop" browser. I can do it in Chrome for Android but have to select it for every damned page,... after loading the page <Grrrrr>. On my 10" tablet I do not want to ever see a mobile website or be asked to download their App. If I think their App might be useful I can get it from Google Play. On my 4.5" phone I may use some Apps but even there I don't want them thrust at me like some company phallus begging to be fondled.

Now if it's something you access and use regularly then an App makes sense but the whole point of a web browser is it's versatility to display a wide variety of sites.

XP is DEAD

Anyone who wants to continue running XP, go for it. Just don't expect Microsoft to help you out of a hole. And please don't come whining on here about how unfair it all is. Companies have had plenty of warning that XP is a dead duck. Any IT bod with any sense would leave a company that insists on staying with XP.

Remember, when threatened by a wild animal, you don't have to run faster than the animal, just faster than the other people around you.

EUtards

Some EUtard has just cobbled this together as a "negotiating" tool. When they are trying to get through something that they really care about, they will offer to "scrap" this pile of garbage for some other concession. Time wasting on an epic scale, much like the rest of the Commission. I have no problems with the Common Market but some of the more recent European Government shite is really starting to alienate people all over the EU. We don't want a European Government, and we probably never will. I grew up abroad and speak several languages and even I am starting to think that UKIP may have a point or 2.

BOOM!

Ahhh, my favourite word. :-) The volatiles that SS would add to Mars atmosphere are a drop in the ocean. It won't make any appreciable difference. You would need 10 of those a year for 50 years to make it marginally habitable, and even then the atmosphere would just bleed off again due to Mars low mass. Remember that Mars has a surface pressure of 0.087psi which from our point of view (14.69psi) might as well be a vacuum. Give up on terraforming Mars and other planets and learn to live in space itself. Cheaper, easier, and there is a LOT more of it.

TOO MANY ******* PEOPLE

is the problem. Whether they are driving or cycling or sitting at home watching TV. People = CO2 emissions, not to mention methane and other nasties. So, if the world wishes to sort out Global Warming and related issues, then POPULATION control/reduction is the only way forward. Even if we reduce greenhouse gas emissions to a certain level per person, if there are more people there are more gasses. Long term, ONLY population reduction will work. Either that or we will all eventually cook in our own juices from our own waste heat.

Perhaps that is what our Alien Masters are waiting for. A whole planet covered with 20+ Billion joints of slow- roast long-pig.

Jellyfish

Oooohh, look at the nice Space Jellyfish. Obviously this was created by the Creator as nothing this complex could happen unless it was planned and pre-ordained. Perhaps that is the problem all these Creationists have with the world,... they can't handle the fact that some things are not and probably never will be controllable, so they invent a "higher power" who can control it. Religion as a psychosis?

Paranoia

Since the collapse of eastern european communism, the new "Evil" is far eastern communism, even though not ONE of them is or ever has been communist. China is now nearly as capitalist as the USA. What the US is afraid of is Chinas economic might taking control of the world economy away from the USA. As for the spying, everybody is spying on everybody anyways, so what difference will it make? I'd finish the cable, then swap it's use at the last minute with an existing cable so the financial cheating and double-dealing can be secure and the Chinese can spy on Silverburns Black Ops 2 sessions. ;-)

Screwed?

They paid to be screwed by Apple and are upset because Google slipped one in there. I'm not arguing that they shouldn't prosecute, but is it really news that some Brits are doing what some Yanks did?

What's next? Frontpage news that Cameron stubs his toe just hours after Obama?

So, all that hype,...

and then nothing happened?

Ah who cares, I'm still running Office 2003 at home and when it comes time that I need to replace it will be using LibreOffice,... on Windows.

As for work we'll stick with Office 2010 until we see a good reason to change.

Twatbookin

I am on Farcebook & LinkedOut but am considering trying to get shot of both. They don't add anything for me, don't help me with anything and are a constant drain on my time. I never bothered with Twatter as I hate the "cult of celebrity" and outside of a very small group of friends & collegues I don't give a **** what anyone else thinks. I do read postings on forums like this one and some of it is useful and some is entertaining, but this forum doesn't email me every 2 days to ask why I haven't been on the forum. Yes, it does seem as if there is such a thing as too connected.

Me, I'm going for Privacy now. I may be gone some time!

Doctors & Nurses

My personal experiences of both during my better half's recent surgeries were extremely varied. One of the Doctors I found to be human and responsive and warm. The other was cold and remote but an amazing surgeon and top of his field (I checked!)

A couple of the nurses in ICU were superb. Efficient and fully in control, yet warm and understanding. Others were cold and uninterested.

Once on the main ward most of the nurses were Ok but she did nickname one of them Hirohito and another one Hitler.

I consider myself pretty empathic and am one of the few men I know who can always see the other persons point of view, even if I disagree with it. However, I am rarely "passionate" about anything and before switching to IT I was an Electronics Engineer. Sounds to me like somebody already knew what results he wanted.

Who cares what the form factor is?

I want an intelligent smart-gadget. One that when I say "I am thirsty" finds the nearest pub that serves Hopback Summer Lightning and shows me the easiest route there. It needs to anticipate my every move and facilitate my every wish. Lets just call it a Genie and be done with it.

Cables?

When are BT and the other "providers" out there going to realise that relying on a 50+ year old pair of corroding wires is no basis for a modern communications system? Are their sales people asleep? Start offering re-cabling to people out in the sticks. Charge a one off fee plus higher monthly charges on say a 2 year contract and many people (Drew included I am sure) would LEAP at the chance to get a high quality fibre phone/data connection. BT keep banging on about FTTC and their Infinity Broadband which is fine for towns and cities, but what they should be offering outside those areas is FTTH (Fibre To The Home). Finally, why do they try to charge extortionate "install" costs when more often than not they just clip the new cable (or fibre) to the side of the old cable.

Why?

For £800 I can get a good quality laptop AND a good quality 10" tablet (Galaxy Note, iPad).

Last Post

I do hope that NASA get a bugler in to play the last post for the demise of these valiant probes.

They will know how much fuel is left by firing 2 opposing motors thereby not imparting any delta-v to the device. C'mon, that's basic Physics!!

Stoopid

Are these Politicians and Lawyers really as stupid as that? I guess they must be to expect such a law to get through. Might as well draft a law banning breathing. Would this post be illegal? I did call certain Politicians & Lawyers stupid. What with this and the Mrs Mays attempts to snoop the Interwebs it seems to be submit a stupid law week. Of course the defence against this pointless law would be to P2P the "defamation". Good luck in tracing that.

Une sabotage méchant droite dans les sphères de mariage

Whoever wrote that obviously doesn't speak much French as it is grammatically and culturally incorrect. Come on El Reg, try just a little harder to NOT be 2nd rate Clarkson.

Now if you'd said "Les sales Anglais ont saboté nos couilles,.. fils de putes et salauds" you may have been closer to the mark. ;-)

Concerning the comments above about Nuke Power Stations and their effect on sperm count,.... do us all a favour and speak up when you actually do know what you are talking about. Strange that all the monitoring programmes (and there have been a LOT) on Nuclear Power workers health have not shown any noticeable decrease in sperm count over the last 50 years. Besides, the French produce the radioactive waste and then send it by train to Sellafield for processing so we should be just as affected. Oh wait, X-Factor/Celebrity/BigBrother PROVES that we have been affected. <LOL>

DOOMED!

We are all doomed. Repent and confess your sins to your one True God. My God is a glass of Rochefort 8, yumYUM! Is anyone else having a party on the 22nd Dec to celebrate that the Mayan Calendar doom-merchants were wrong? One of these days we may even get to have a "kick the environmentalists" party. <LOL>

Nasty people

Most of these are politicians and the scum that feed them or feed off them. So, I'm guessing that Mrs May and her cronies will be exempted from being spied on by Big Brother? Otherwise we would all learn even more about just how much certain people make from their various interests.

When will the state stop trying to be my Mum? I left home 31 years ago f.f.s and even when I was living with my parents then my Mum didn't spy on me anywhere near as much as the state does now.

Big Brother will never work as way before the state ever manages to implement it, even by dribs & drabs, we will reconstitute the state first. Note to all politicians, we pay your wages, we elect you, you are a PUBLIC SERVANT.

Objectivity?

"We would like to object to the registration of the domains .object and .crookedbastards. These domains will obviously be used to point out what your incompetent governments/companies/organisations are up to and thus will reduce our ability to keep the rest of you in the dark for as long as possible, hopefully long enough that we can empty the coffers and get somewhere that doesn't have an extradition treaty."

Sounds to me like the AUS government thinks it is the worlds "conscience". Either that or else their "bent" politicians are a bit more open about their bent-ness than elsewhere.

Anyways, who cares about TLDs these days? As JG says almost all of us go to a website via either a bookmark or search engine results lists these days. I'm old school and even I only type in an address if it's quicker than searching for it.

Perhaps we should apply for the TLD ".crafwan" and then AFTER it's approved and in place we run a mass campaign to popularise the use of crafwan to mean "abuses others". Then we could register Cameron.crafwan, Saville.crafwan, and ICANN.crafwan. Why did I choose crafwan??? Short for Crafty Wankers obviously.

Twatter

Used by people who want to follow someone/something. The rest of us call them sheep and use them to provide meat, clothing and sexual partners. ;-) Like everyone else said, use Filters, and if that doesn't work, then use lawyers. (Ewwww, must go wash my mouth now!)

Ribbon?

Does 2013 still have the "I'm a dumbfuck, show me pretty pictures coz I can't read" Ribbon? If so MS ain't getting my money. Office 2003 was about as good as it got.

I use 2010 every day at work and have done for over a year and I still can never find functionality when i need it without resorting to a Google search. If they don't deliver what I need soon then I'll get LibreOffice, or one of the other OpenSource office packages. Who the hell needs an "Office" suite that can edit web pages, login to Twatbook, have your babies, and arrange WORLD PEACE. I just want one that will let me write a letter, run a spreadsheet and check my emails.

And so the bastardisation of the English language continues

I am all for new words and the natural evolution of language but I believe that any addition to the OED should have been in regular use for at least 5 years before inclusion. Omnishambles is just the "word of the year". Nobody will remember it at this time next year. Clusterfuck has been around since the 70s and ranks up there with the 1940's military favourite SNAFU. Words like omnishambles are spawned by management types desperate to sound intelligent when in fact they end up sounding just as stupid as your local yoof wiv 'iz gangspeek init. They think that adding -ise to anything makes it a verb, so to follow their example I would like to propose the word "Mangleise" - to change or invent a word such as to make yourself seem trendy and with it.

DesPlaines

would be a better example. The planet that Edward Elmer Smiths "Family D'Alembert" came from. They are all short and stocky and very strong. Not EE's best works but fun nonetheless. His best works are probably "The Galaxy Primes" and the later "Lensman" books.

@Cowslayer, cheer up mate. They might invent warp-drive next week. Then again the Aztec Calendar Doom Merchants may be right and we may all be dead come the 21st December. I'm having a party on the 22nd to celebrate that we didn't all die and that they were all wrong,... AGAIN!