Shhh. Don't tell let on about Malmesbury. Nobody mention the lovely pubs, the friendly locals, the beautiful ancient abbey, the easy access to the M4, the local Michelin two-starred restaurant (recommend the tasting menu... Mmm!), Westonbirt Arboretum, the Abbey House gardens, riverside walks, the carnival, Boondocks festival, Womad festival, Outstanding rated Secondary school, Outstanding rated primary school... Nothing to see here. Move on, move on.