* Posts by Paranoid Consultant

16 posts • joined 28 Oct 2009

Angry Bird rockets into spa-a-a-a-ce!

Paranoid Consultant

@2mins 20secs is that a...

Does Anton Shkaplerov use a Fing-Longer to adjust a control?

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Vacuum cleaner set Swedish nuke plant on fire

Paranoid Consultant

Do they mean by "fired up" they are going to find more vacuum cleaners to leave in the other reactors?

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London Olympics shop in Union Jack outrage

Paranoid Consultant
FAIL

At least it is out of stock...

but the miniature Concorde with the wrong Union flag over it isn't.

http://shop.london2012.com/London-2012-die-cast-keyring---Concorde/20006211,default,pd.html?cgid=keyrings

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Spielberg flung Fox from Transformers 3

Paranoid Consultant
FAIL

Oh wait...

the original mistake was copied from the Daily Fail site.

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Paranoid Consultant
FAIL

I think the spellchecker got in there.

Rosie Huntingdon-Whitley? Huntingdon, small Cambridgeshire town, appeared in Crap Towns and the reported birthplace of Oliver Cromwell? I suppose it could do with a little bit of publicity.

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Police just rubber-stamping US data slurp

Paranoid Consultant

Terrorist Finance Tracking Programme (TFTP)

I was wondering why my NAS drive had an option to enable TFTP and now I know. It's to let the US spooks have a poke around my photo collection to see there is any terrorist withdrawing five pound notes.

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Enormous 1km ice-cube machine fashioned at South Pole

Paranoid Consultant
Coat

Not Safe For...

Seeing as they use the URL www.nsf.gov does this mean it is World Wide Web Not Safe For Governments?

Mine's the one which is Not Safe For me to wear.

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Ofcom clears way for iPhone apps for TV voting

Paranoid Consultant
Badgers

Maybe even control when you can vote too...

The app could be written in such away that it would only allow voting during the active show and therefore heading off any repeat of the uncounted vote scandals.

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Navy SEALs to deploy armoured dogs in A'stan

Paranoid Consultant
Happy

But do they poop and scoop?

I hope they remember the poo-bags with all that extra exquipment.

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El Reg PARIS team fires up the GPS tracker

Paranoid Consultant
Go

And on the first flight it all goes wrong...

when the whole kit and kaboolde freezes up and stops working because it freezes up. Some low temperature testing of the gear is needed too.

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Endeavour en route to ISS

Paranoid Consultant

Having been out at the Cape for the launch...

None of the pictures I have seen have done it any justice to how amazing it actually is.

The previous nights atempt had been cancelled due to what they called "Dynamic Weather" by the range officer.

I spent the evening out at KSC on the Causeway waiting for the launch with the cameras ready to get something. As we left the hotel for KSC the sky was clear all the way up but by the time we arrived the clouds were back and looking like they would try and scrub a second launch atempt. The SRB's light up and kick off a great cloud of smoke followed by what looks like the largest explosion in the world as the sky goes from black to white. The shuttle appears from behind the could slowly and rapidly moves way with what looks like flame throwers behind it. The sound hits about thirty seconds later.

ps. would like to apply for elReg's man on the scene for the last four launches.

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Many voice encryption systems easily crackable

Paranoid Consultant
Joke

landmine phone?

is that a fat fingered landline phone? Or a phone you bury in the garden and it rings you when the cat walks over it?

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UK etailer calls self 'the last place you want to go'

Paranoid Consultant
Badgers

And then they see sense.

They have removed the tagline. It was a good giggle while it lasted.

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Ringback tones outselling ring tones

Paranoid Consultant

could I have...

a UK engaged toned?

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X-rays beat computer as best invention ever

Paranoid Consultant

they got it all wrong

Try the number one is the flushing toilet with wide bore plumbing. X-ray machine stops working we'll go back to poking people and saying, "does it hurt there?". If all the toilets back up in the UK there would be a change of government in under a week...

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Turkish filters block Reg commentards

Paranoid Consultant

filter logic?

Looks like the word Web is banned unless it is seen with the word apache, +(-apache,web) , add filter for web where it is not seen with apache, similarly +(-chicken,breast). You can have chicken breast but not +(tour, free, horny) which would crank the inappropriate count up.

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