* Posts by TRT

3700 posts • joined 11 Sep 2009

UK govt to launch a tech creche for military-focused startups

TRT
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Put down the weapon...

You have 10 seconds to comply.

9...

8...

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Avoiding Liverpool was the aim: All aboard the world's ONLY moving aqueduct

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Oh Jesus! I'd forgotten Warburton Bridge. Been over it a few times, quite often on my bike, and once in the car when I was keeping off the motorway (I was running on a space saver after a blowout near Tabley).

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Chips

So THAT'S why they were so good. I never realised. #hungershutters

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And don't forget the tar tunnel and clay pipe museum. Clay pipes are essential boffin material.

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I could have written that!

And a little way further is the bridge at Old Trafford which when crossing, as a 5 year old, I decided to shoulder barge the rotten wooden door at the base of the pier, as 5 year old idiot children are prone to do. The door swung open, taking me with it, opening onto nothing but rusty iron metalwork sticking up out of inky, oily depths of water far below. Hanging onto the door handle for all my life was worth I had no option but to swing out and back. I've been terrified of bridges crossing water ever since. Took all my nerve and several attempts before I could walk on the pier at Brighton.

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Milk IN the teapot: Innovation or abomination?

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Pint

Re: dear god what are we teaching the kids?

Beer glasses are for beers.

How many times do I have to tell you? The right tool for the right job, laddie!

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Re: Easy solution (Black Bush)

Paddy.

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Re: Easy solution

A drop of water helps release the aromas of a good single malt.

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WTF?

That's disgusting. Only acceptable tea that can be poured with milk added already is flask tea.

The best tea is leaf tea, using water drawn from the tender and boiled in a pot on the boilerplate next to the firebox, the leaves having been spun down and out through centrifugal force by swinging the pot on a rope out of the side of the cab on the long stretch between Crewe and Derby where there isn't any lineside to foul the can.

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Re: dear god what are we teaching the kids?

Then pour out the contents, rinse the glass in water, decreasing the water temperature until it is ice cold and then refill with beer.

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Ditch your Macs, Dell tells EMC staff

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Re: Show, don't just tell

I just did a little moonlighting job tidying up the cables behind someone's Home Entertainment system because they were having an argument with the cleaner over them not sweeping under the spaghetti (yeah, he's a bit of an arsehole). Anyway, they'd spent £9k down at the Sony shop back in 2010, DVD player, top-of-the-line 5+1 Home Cinema amp & mahoosive speakers, big plasma screen job.

I had to ask him who he'd pissed off down there, because the amp had never been wired in at all and the speaker cables had not a single clamp or screw mark on them.

"You didn't notice that your £9k surround sound system sounded like an couple of earbuds sat in coffee cans?"

"No, the guy from the shop told me it was all good to go."

"And the fact that the remote volume control didn't move the knob on the amplifier?"

"Is it supposed to do that?"

"And that the scary bits in Aliens you didn't hear the slavering beasties sneaking up on you from behind and breathing down your neck?"

"I don't watch those kinds of films. I just watch the news mainly, and the wife watches the odd Bollywood."

*facepalm*

*realisation... money to burn*

"Well, it's all working now. That'll be £500 please."

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Macs are a great little number for versatility. Unix based OS, runs Virtualbox for Windows or other UNIX flavours, lightweight, good battery life. Pity they cost so much, but it's not as gross as people like to make out.

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Re: Common Sense...

They won't let me have a logo on my company polo shirt. But then I work for City University Network Team.

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Re: apple only? (@Nate Amsden)

Dell do a nice line in penguin based machines...

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Re: Dude!!

Sounds like my place of work.

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Server vendor has special help desk for lying, incompetent sysadmins

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Re: I've just had a document delivered...

It seems our Problem Management manager also reads El Reg.

Defining a problem as being the "underlying cause of an incident" (1) isn't helpful and (2) in the event of the incident being "I can't get my iPhone to connect to Eduroam" defines the End User as the problem.

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I've just had a document delivered...

from our Problem Management manager, who says it's going into the induction pack for new staff. It includes the line "Problem Management is a process within the IT Infrastructure Library (ITIL) Service Operation lifecycle stage."

Which is undoubtably wins the prize for the biggest pile of wank used to mean "This is something we do" ever.

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Cyberpunks might not be crooks but they're really very rude

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King Cnut? Is he the one who tried to tell C++ to rollback?

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So apparently it's System Administrator Appreciation Day...

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So apparently it's System Administrator Appreciation Day...

... and a company called Sophos have made this AMAZING video in honor of all the hard work people in IT do. Enjoy! #justanotherdayinit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPuoDYBBLPQ

Has anyone told BOFH?

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Tesla autopilot driver 'was speeding' moments before death – prelim report

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They can tell the driver didn't see the truck...

because of the lack of skid marks.

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Crumple zone located between front and read bumper. Makes you drive much more safely.

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Re: Mansfield bars

Swinging black and yellow beams on rigid pivots. Obviously not swinging out to the sides...

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Re: Bar none

There are many trucks I've seen on the UK highways disguised as fruit salad, or burgers and fries.

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Church organist nabbed for playing glory hole in excelsis

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IT angle...

something about fat pipes?

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Cats, dogs starve as web-connected chow chute PetNet plays dead

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Re: yet another SciFi plot made real

Yeah, that's one service call I don't want to make.

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Gullible Essex Police are now using junk science lie detectors

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Re: How does...

They love a good gloat, don't they? They say, can we come and have a gloat? and we say No you can't you heartless gloaters.

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How does...

a chart of tropical birds help catch a sex offender? Unless they're peristerophiles.

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Dolly the sheep clones have aged well, say scientists

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Re: I'm Curious

It was a wealthy doner shop owner.

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I don't care too much if they age well or not...

How did they taste?

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Captain Piccard's planet-orbiting solar aircraft in warped drive drama

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Re: Can someone calculate

No seriously. If they can get weight-for-weight equivalent solar cells to aircraft skin, why not make use of them? There's lots of electrics on board a modern aircraft, and there's always the possibility of adding energy into the mix from an alternative source... the turbines on a 787 are started electrically using one of the twin generator sets per engine rather than by a traditional ground based pneumatic system. They're developing electrical alternatives to some of the engine components all the time. So why not do it? It might happen, it might not; that's not to say you shouldn't try.

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Re: Can someone calculate

Yeah, but hybrid... every little helps.

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Harrison Ford's leg, in the Star Wars film, with the Millennium Falcon door

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Re: Good job..

JJ loves to fill his sets with light objects.

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I think the door was exactly the opposite of a "Supporting Actor".

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Re: Good job..

But sir, no-one cares about upsetting JJ Abrams

That's 'cause JJ Abrams's best buddy doesn't rip people's arms out of their sockets when a Health and Safety issue is contested...

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Astro boffs to say bye to Philae lander

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Left alone to travel round the galaxy in silence...

It no longer hears its mother's voice... cast adrift in the cold blackness of space, the only thing keeping it going is to complete its mission; to collect all data possible, to learn all that is learnable and to return that information to its creator.

And in 300 years time...

Ph'lae signals the Creator.

Spock?

A simple binary code transmitted by carrier-wave signal. Radio.

Radio?

Jim, Ph'lae expects an answer.

An answer? I don't know the question.

The Creator has not responded.

All planetary defence systems have just gone inoperative.

Sir, Starfleet says the devices are proceeding to equidistant positions orbiting the planet.

They're the same things that hit us.

They are hundreds of times more powerful, Captain. From those positions they could devastate the entire surface of the planet.

Why?

The Creator has not answered. The carbon-units infestation is to be removed from the Creator's planet.

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Hitchhacker's Guide to RSA clones conference badge with a towel

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I have to admit...

It's easier than throwing it over the security robot, using it to wrestle it to the ground, then flipping open the programming hatch and rewiring the brains so that the robot is happy to do anything you ask of it.

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Seminal adventure game The Hobbit finally ported to the Dragon 64

TRT
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Re: Posh Gits

It was eyewateringly expensive. But as I worked for Tandy, I got to play on them! I was hooked the first time I heard it speak. Yes! It was a game involving robots in the genre of the Alien game (evade the enemy in a maze), and it used the cassette output to generate the sound, but it was a miracle to me.

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BBC will ‘retain your viewing history’

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Why is there no...

El Reg article on the return of Robot Wars?

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Free Windows 10 upgrade: Time is running out – should you do it?

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Re: Windows8.2=10 is a fraud and a scam!

I once lived with a postdoc physicist who ran fluid dynamic simulations on a Cray and did experiments using the cyclotron under the car park. Every day he had boil in the bag cod and a packet of Smash - I tried to teach him how to make a basic parsley sauce to go with his cod. He loved it, but the cooking of it was simply beyond him - I mean, your white sauce is class 101 of cooking.

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Re: +1 for The Resistance here

And a big thumbs down to The Enlightened, amiright?!

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Re: Windows8.2=10 is a fraud and a scam!

I bought a Jamie Oliver stove and pan. And NOW I have to buy his recipe boxes. :(

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BOFH: Free as in free beer or... Oh. 'Free Upgrade'

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They were Canon right? Or Samsung. Yeah, probably Samsung. Or Canon.

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Is this really appropriate...

after the Aimee Spencer tragedy?

*thinks*

Yes.

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Microsoft ordered to fix 'excessively intrusive, insecure' Windows 10

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Government agency you say?......

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Windows 10 is VERY secure, by design...

because Microsoft don't want anyone else cashing in on that lovely, profitable stream of personal information.

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Blighty's Coastguard goes into battle against waterborne Pokemon

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Re: Angry Pokemon?

I'm waiting for Minecraft Go! Virtual pickaxe to hack lumps of stone off the local church...

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Re: New Brighton Marine Lake

They also use the lake for training and demonstrations. The coast guard, that is.

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Re: Art desk?

They need somewhere to stick the macaroni on the piece of card and paint it orange. With gold sprinkles.

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How's this for irony? US Navy hit with $600m software piracy claim

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But the political fallout...

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Boffins unveil 500TB/in2 disk. Yeah, it's made of chlorine. -196˚C, why?

TRT
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Re: Fun only a scientist, eh-hu, bofin could love

Redneck storage...

"Yer sees, if I takes my shotgun and let the tree have it at waist height... that's a binary 0, and if I blasts away at head height... that's a binary 1..."

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