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* Posts by ForthIsNotDead

361 posts • joined 4 Sep 2009

Page:

Swell. Apple buys 'Pandora-for-talk-radio' app... for $30 meeellion

ForthIsNotDead
Flame

Here's a suggestion:

“Swell is great, because, like Pandora, you don’t have to make decisions about what to listen to. Swell figures it out for you.”

Just fuck off, okay?

Thanks.

7
0

Sit back down, Julian Assange™, you're not going anywhere just yet

ForthIsNotDead

Simple solution

All Mr. Assange has to do is become an MP and declare himself (privately) to have a penchant for young choir boys.

He'll then enjoy the complete protection of the British establishment as one of their own.

4
2

Siri, did we just take a hit in that voice-recog patent fight?

ForthIsNotDead
WTF?

Irony overload...

"Apple was arguing that the patent was invalid for a number of reasons, including the novelty of the claim and lack of necessary technical features."

Hello? Cough. Rectangles. Cough. Rounded corners. Cough.

29
2

DATA-SWAP SHOCK: A YES to bill that lets big biz, govt share user info

ForthIsNotDead
FAIL

Irony overload...

"“Every week we hear about the theft of personal information from retailers and trade secrets from innovative businesses, as well as ongoing efforts by foreign nations to hack government networks.".

1
0

Brit celebs' homes VANISH from Google's Street View

ForthIsNotDead
Facepalm

Hilarious!

I just looked at Connaught Square in London on Google Maps... Hmmm.... I wonder which one is our Tony's?

http://goo.gl/maps/9B63I

LOL!

0
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Austrian Tor exit relay operator guilty of ferrying child porn

ForthIsNotDead

So...

...if I order something illegal by mail order, why is the Post Office not charged with a crime?

2
1

iPhone user SHAMEGASM: 'I beg of you', delete sex app from my purchase list

ForthIsNotDead

Hmmm....

"Hey, Laura, could I borrow your 'phone for a minute? My battery is dead and I need to make a quick call."

"Sure, no problem - here you go."

"Er, on second thoughts, I think I'll pass. Looks a little crusty. I'll wait 'till I get home."

0
0

NSA man says agency can track you through POWER LINES

ForthIsNotDead
Black Helicopters

Turn the detection problem around...

I think it could be done, and quite easily. I think the issue is that they're not telling us the whole story. All you have to do is *inject* noise at the substation level. A known, cyclic pattern that can later be extracted from a recording. Et voila, you'll know which sub-station the recording equipment was getting its power from, and from there you can make a deduction, or, in the case of the Americans, carpet-bomb the entire fucking neighbourhood.

If they're doing it, *that's* how they're doing it.

I don't work for the NSA. Honest.

3
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We need to talk about SPEAKERS: Sorry, 'audiophiles', only IT will break the sound barrier

ForthIsNotDead

Re: Clearly there's an need for intelligently designed speakers

What, Eric Clapton?

2
0

Anti-snoop Android 'Blackphone' sees the light of day

ForthIsNotDead
Facepalm

Watch the owners of these new 'phones...

...install Facebook on it!

3
1

Firefighters deliver trapped student from GIANT GERMAN LADYPARTS

ForthIsNotDead
Facepalm

Hmmm...

Looking at the second photo, I note a distinct lack of a clitoris, thus confirming the oft held belief among women that men really don't know where to find it!

1
0

Microsoft ups OneDrive storage, slashes prices to match Google Drive

ForthIsNotDead
Happy

Watch the lawsuites fly...

...when Microsoft properly integrate their cloud drives into the Windows OS.

Seriously, mapping your own personal cloud storage to a drive letter would be feckin' ace. And Google, Amazon and chums won't like it at all if that functionality is built in as the OS level.

Go Microsoft! Take their lunch!

0
2

Oracle shares pummeled after giant reports glacial growth

ForthIsNotDead

Not surprised.

IMO I would say that unless you are dealing with absolutely ginormous databases, there are (now) plenty of other alternative systems out there that are *good enough to get the job done*.

A lot of them are free.

Open source gonna eat your lunch, Oracle.

2
0

Auditors blast Blighty cops over binned multi-million pound IT project

ForthIsNotDead
Stop

Translation

"My decision to withdraw from the SIREN project has not been taken lightly, but I believe that this course of action will ultimately be in the best interests of both Surrey Police and the Surrey public,” Hurley said at the time.

Translation: "This is fucked. See ya!"

4
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Code Spaces goes titsup FOREVER after attacker NUKES its Amazon-hosted data

ForthIsNotDead

What about Amazon?

How did the attacker gain access? If the credentials weren't leaked from inside the company, then Amazon has some questions to answer. This has to reflect badly on Amazon, too.

0
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The rise of the humans: How to outsmart the digital deluge

ForthIsNotDead

Sorry...

...I stopped reading when I read "chief envisioning officer".

It's probably me. I'm having a bad day!

6
0

UK govt preps World War 2 energy rationing to keep the lights on

ForthIsNotDead

Failure? No. Complete success.

One would imagine that both the previous and current government(s) have completely failed to grasp the scale and enormity of the problem at hand. However, that is not the case. If one familarises oneself with the objective and requirements under UN Agenda 21 then it is quite easy to see that the Government have followed the script to the letter. This is nothing more than the managed 'run-down' of the economy, as planned under Agenda 21.

5
5

Zuckerberg and other directors sued over GIGANTIC PACKAGES

ForthIsNotDead

@Don Jefe

I'm inclined to agree. If you don't like the way the board is doing things, then you're free to sell your shares and get the hell out.

I can only imagine he's trapped after the Great-Facebook-Pump-And-Dump-Swindle and so selling his shares would mean taking a loss.

2
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UK govt 'tearing up road laws' for Google's self-driving cars: THE TRUTH

ForthIsNotDead

Is there any truth in the rumour that...

...the UK version is a Sinclair C5 with a Raspberry Pi strapped to it?

5
0

The British are coming! The British are coming! And they're buying Surface fondleslabs

ForthIsNotDead

Acer

Wow... What happened to Acer? I've always thought that Acer has knocked out perfectly good (in fact, i'd go as far as to say very good) hardware at reasonable prices. Always been pleased with Acer laptops etc. Is it just that laptops are no longer the must-have, and they haven't managed to penetrate into the fondle-slab market?

0
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For your next privacy panic, look no further than vending machines

ForthIsNotDead

I can see it now...

Please allow me to re-post my comment to the Coca Cola Slurps Millions of MAC addresses thread (which is here: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/01/03/coca_cola_slurps_millions_of_mac_addresses/ )

I can see it now...

A camera on the vending machine will use face recognition matching your face with your facebook profile. Then it will say out loud "Hey Sarah! It's hot today, looks like you could use a coke!"

There'll be a picture of Sarah and her mates, (the picture having come from facebook) looking happy and carefree.

Sarah will say "Oh wow, that's so cool" and immediately start recording it with her Google glasses, and bleeting ^M ^M tweeting the fact that the Coke machine knew who she was. "It's so cool!".

She'll buy a coke. A cherry one. Because they're nice. She doesn't carry cash, because, you know, that's so, like, analogue, man. She only carries a credit card. She pays for the coke with her credit card.

The coke machine will say "Gee, thanks Sarah! You have a great day now!". It simultaneously updates her Facebook profile, posting a message on her wall (or whatever the fuck they're called) saying "Hi, I just bought a Cherry Coke at Edmontons on Vine Street and 3rd, 'cause Coke is IT!". It also simultaneously posts a "like" to the Coke corporation.

The purchase by credit card causes an automatic run of her ID against a known terrorist database. Her name is not on the database. She is not a terrorist.

However, it is noticed that she has an outstanding parking ticket from 6 months ago that she has not paid.

An alert is automatically routed to a patrol car in the area, along with her driving licence details, photograph, and pictures of her from her facebook account, for indentification purposes.

Since they have their phone ID, and she's in a Mall, it's relatively easy to track her location within the mall and the police officer spots her quite quickly. She's talking to some friends and tweeting furiously on her phone.

The officer approaches, and in a friendly manner (it's only a parking ticket, afterall, it's not like she's a terrorist or anything) says "Hi, Sarah, I'm Officer Jenkins from 3rd precint. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm afraid I need to take you down-town to deal with an outstanding parki..."

Sarah hears "I need to take you downtown" and thinks "Shit! My parking ticket". Panic overtakes her. She runs for it.

Officer Jenkins stands for a moment in amazement, before giving chase. He shouts after her "Sarah! Stop! It's okay! It's just a parking ticket!".

An officer approaching from the other direction sees what's going on, and notes that the young woman is running towards him. Probably a theif - stolen someone's handbag or wallet. He draws his side-arm and shouts "Police! Stop!". He notices she has something in her hand. It might be a weapon. He fires one shot and hits Sarah in the chest. Sarah hits the ground.

Her iPhone smashes on the floor.

"Shit" says the officer.

Officer Jenkins arrives. "What the fuck man? What did you shoot her for? She's just a kid"

"I thought she had a weapon. She was running man. I told her to stop!"

"She's just a kid. Get an ambulance"

Officer Jenkins goes to help her while the other officer radios for an ambulance. And backup.

Sarah's friends arrive, and begin recording the incident with their smart phones, and uploading to facebook, YouTube, twitter et al. Hash tag #OMGSarahOwnedLOL.

Officer Jenkins kneels down next to Sarah. "Sarah, are you okay? Don't worry, we're gonna get you some help. You're gonna be fine."

"I... can't... breathe.... I... feel... cold...."

"It's okay Sarah, everything's gonna be fine. You hold on. You hear me? You hang in there. Sarah. Sarah!"

Sarah's eyes stare lifelessly into the void, as she draws her final breath.

"Oh no!" cries officer Jenkins. Tears welling up in his eyes, he begins mouth-to-mouth.

"Come on Sarah! Stay with me!"

How do we know this?

Because the entire incident was recorded, and uploaded by her Google glass.

Meanwhile, the dead girls' profile reads "I just bought a Cherry Coke at Edmonton's and 3rd, 'cause Coke is IT!".

11
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Google's driverless car: It'll just block our roads. It's the WORST

ForthIsNotDead

Agenda 21

The whole thing is Google pedalling Agenda 21. Agenda 21 is a plan to control (i.e. restrict) the freedoms of the human population, in an effort to save the earth. Just google (ha irony!) UN Agenda 21.

Freedom of movement, one of the central tenets of Agenda 21, will be restricted when "communities" own cars, not individuals.

0
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It's Google's NO-WHEEL car. OMG... there aren't any BRAKES

ForthIsNotDead
Terminator

Worrying

I tell you what worries me about this... The young age of the engineers. I know I sound ageist and all that, but do you think they followed some kind of approved design process for:

a) the overall system

b) the hardware (fault tolerance etc)

c) the software (fault tolerance etc)

I'd love to see the code and apply it to a ISO-61508 review. I mean, seriously, if you are designing a train that can semi-autonomously pilot itself, then you'd have to design it to SIL 2 standards at a minimum (I believe). An under-sea pipeline, SIL3. A nuclear reactor, SIL4. What reassurance do we have that any proper design process was followed such the system can be certified with a certain level of safety?

If the guys in the video were in their 40's and 50's and were all ex transport industry (rail, flight avionics etc) then okay, you'd know that those guys were well versed in their subject and had very probably followed a certifiable design process.

I don't get that feeling from these guys.

6
3

Carry On YouView Regardless, BBC Trust tells the BBC

ForthIsNotDead

YouView. Meh.

I have a YouView box. It's pretty Meh, to be honest. As a BT Vision subscriber (yes, I'm *the* one!) I preferred their older silver box. The YouView box has an impressive looking UI with lots of shiny graphics, but you soon realise that it's effing slow and just wish you could turn it all off. The older BT box had a much more stripped GUI (which was just fine, actually) and was much better to navigate.

In terms of the performance of the YouView box, it's fine. Not noticed any problems with it. It's just a bit "meh" to be honest. If it was taken away I don't think I'd miss it - with the exception of recording the Grand Prix on the BBC on Saturdays and Sundays - the *only* thing Dad (i.e. me) uses it for.

Meh.

1
2

GSMA: There are more mobile connections than PEOPLE... but WHO'S HOGGING them all?

ForthIsNotDead

Meh.

I lost my beloved Samsung SIII last Thursday in Stavanger, Norway.

It's Tuesday and I haven't missed it at all.

I'm seriously thinking of getting my old (and pristine) Nokia 6310i (all hail) out and going all retro!

1
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Creepy Facebook urges users to pester friends about their SEX LIVES

ForthIsNotDead

Ha!

So glad to *not* be one of those 1.25 billion people.

23
2

Welcome to Heathrow Terminal, er, Samsung Galaxy S5

ForthIsNotDead

If you don't like Heathrow T5...

...then Inverness has a lovely little airport.

It's not exactly local though...

1
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'Executed ex' of Norkers' bonkers Kim Jong-un rises FROM THE GRAVE

ForthIsNotDead

Yum.

She's very attractive.

0
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GM reveals how much you'll pay to turn your car into a rolling 4G LTE Wi-Fi hotspot

ForthIsNotDead

I'm not getting it

a) the kids probably already have their own data plans so can use that for their FB/Twitter

b) Most phones can run a mobile hotspot. I ran a hotspot on my Galaxy SIII just yesterday for 7 hours. Worked perfectly.

c) Why should GM get to spy/monitor/mine my web activity in addition to Google and every fucker else on planet earth?

Next thing you know, GM will be sending you adverts from "carefully chosen affiliates" based on your browsing habits. Better hope the boys aren't watching grumble flicks in the back seat with the headphones on.

Seems that soon the car will be a loss-leader. You will be the product, not the car.

0
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Twitter jitters: Investors turn into quitters as shares hit the sh...

ForthIsNotDead

Common Sense

If they're not making a profit, then they HAVE to go back to the market for another round of share issuing, since that's the only place they can get their money from. Thus if you own shares from the original IPO, they are going to be de-valued as more shares hit the market.

This seems to be de rigueur these days. The people at the top enrich themselves via the IPO, rather than by selling stuff and making a profit. Eventually, when the share price heads south, the board will fire them, and they can feign disappointment whilst accepting a huge golden-handshake cheque and they're done. Then all they have to do is wait for the share sell ban period to elapse, and they can then start quietly selling their millions of privately held shares (assuming another member of the board hasn't approached them and made an offer for them at a pre-agreed price).

They've got balls. Gotta give 'em at least that much.

0
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ForthIsNotDead

Er...

Simple, if you OWN shares at market cap of 25B (even though they don't generate profit) then you can get loans from the bank...

Or you could have kept the cash to begin with, rather than, you know, "investing" in a company that doesn't make any money.

0
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10 PRINT "Happy 50th Birthday, BASIC" : GOTO 10

ForthIsNotDead

Bad memories...

10 PRINT "EMMA'S SWEET JOY JUICE ";

20 GOTO 10

That got me into a lot of trouble at the age of 14 in WH Smiths.

0
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Gnome Foundation runs out of cash

ForthIsNotDead

Re: Socialism in Software Development...

In other words: Your glib bullshit betrays a profound ignorance of what the difference is between "donations" and "reallocations"

Re-allocations, eh? Wow. Spoken like a true Marxist. You, comrade, are a credit to your kind. The duma will be proud of you.

1
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ForthIsNotDead

Socialism in Software Development...

The same thing always happens when you use a Socialist/Communist "model" to get your work done: You run out of other people's money.

6
19

So you invent a wireless network using LEDs, what do you do next? Add solar panels. Boom

ForthIsNotDead
FAIL

Erm...

"a few days ago the Li-Fi team announced it can transfer data at 1.1Gbps using light from micro LEDs over a distance of 10 metres, all while using less than 0.5W power – which is low enough for a solar panel to drive"

Or you could, you know, use a LAN cable...

1
2

The Reg's guide to cursing in Mongolian

ForthIsNotDead

INGSOC

Wow. They actually banned the word Bad.

They'll be eradicating the orgasm next.

0
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BLUE BIRD DOWN: Turkey wipes out Twitter 'scourge'

ForthIsNotDead

Wow

I worked in Turkey about six or seven years ago. Mostly in the Adana area, but went right up to the North and the border with Georgia, too. Did Erzerum and all those places. Lovely, friendly hospitable people. Beautiful, raw scenery, great weather.

Shame their government seems to have gone completely fucking bonkers.

12
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NSA spies recorded an entire COUNTRY'S phone calls for a MONTH: Report

ForthIsNotDead

Quick...

...let's all 'phone the speaking clock and leave the 'phone off the hook! That'll teach 'em!

0
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IBM: We gave NOTHING to the NSA, stateside or elsewhere

ForthIsNotDead

It's not that we don't trust *you*, IBM...

...the problem is, planet earth doesn't trust *your* government. As we know, your government permits the NSA to come to you and order you to hand over just whatever the hell it wants. Further more, we all know that the NSA has the legal powers to prevent you, IBM, from disclosing the fact that you have:

a) been approached by the NSA

b) actually handed over any data

In fact, the NSA could have requested data, and you may have indeed declined, and you would still be legally prevented from disclosing that fact.

And for all those reasons, dear, beloved, IBM, it's a "thanks, but no thanks".

2
1

Fanbois SQUEAL as DNS snafu knocks out iTunes website

ForthIsNotDead

Meh

"Apple suffered a rare outage last night which knocked iCloud, iTunes and several other fruity websites off the internet."

Oh.

1
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Steve Ballmer: Thanks to me, Microsoft screwed up a decade in phones

ForthIsNotDead

@csmac3144 Re: Twat

@csmac3144: You're right. On both counts! :-)

2
0
ForthIsNotDead

Twat

I didn't bother to read the article. I don't even trust the guy to understand what he actually got wrong, he's that stupid. Just sayin'.

12
3

Anti-snoop Blackphone hits shelves in June: NOW we'll see how much you value privacy

ForthIsNotDead
FAIL

Er, I'll pass...

It's a USA company, so thanks, but no thanks....

17
0

Chrome lets websites secretly record you?! Google says no, but...

ForthIsNotDead

Spies

Given that Google is the public-facing arm of the NSA, I think their reluctance to deal with this issue is quite understandable. *They* probably see it as a *good thing*.

22
15

Now THAT'S a sunroof: Solar-powered family car emerges from Ford labs

ForthIsNotDead

Re: Would like to see this tried on a train

I wouldn't recommend that. Without something to secure the car to the roof of train it would almost certainly fall off. And even if you could secure it, you're going to be on a sticky wicket as soon as you encounter a tunnel of any kind.

I'd leave it if I were you.

6
0
ForthIsNotDead

Winter in Aberdeen...

...might be a challenge. You go to work... In the dark. You go home... In the dark. It's no exaggeration, but in the depths of winter it can still be pitch black at 8:00am.

0
0

Coca Cola slurps millions of MAC addresses

ForthIsNotDead

I can see it now...

A camera on the vending machine will use face recognition matching your face with your facebook profile. Then it will say out loud "Hey Sarah! It's hot today, looks like you could use a coke!"

There'll be a picture of Sarah and her mates, (the picture having come from facebook) looking happy and carefree.

Sarah will say "Oh wow, that's so cool" and immediately start recording it with her Google glasses, and bleeting ^M ^M tweeting the fact that the Coke machine knew who she was. "It's so cool!".

She'll buy a coke. A cherry one. Because they're nice. She doesn't carry cash, because, you know, that's so, like, analogue, man. She only carries a credit card. She pays for the coke with her credit card.

The coke machine will say "Gee, thanks Sarah! You have a great day now!". It simultaneously updates her Facebook profile, posting a message on her wall (or whatever the fuck they're called) saying "Hi, I just bought a Cherry Coke at Edmontons on Vine Street and 3rd, 'cause Coke is IT!". It also simultaneously posts a "like" to the Coke corporation.

The purchase by credit card causes an automatic run of her ID against a known terrorist database. Her name is not on the database. She is not a terrorist.

However, it is noticed that she has an outstanding parking ticket from 6 months ago that she has not paid.

An alert is automatically routed to a patrol car in the area, along with her driving licence details, photograph, and pictures of her from her facebook account, for indentification purposes.

Since they have their phone ID, and she's in a Mall, it's relatively easy to track her location within the mall and the police officer spots her quite quickly. She's talking to some friends and tweeting furiously on her phone.

The officer approaches, and in a friendly manner (it's only a parking ticket, afterall, it's not like she's a terrorist or anything) says "Hi, Sarah, I'm Officer Jenkins from 3rd precint. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm afraid I need to take you down-town to deal with an outstanding parki..."

Sarah hears "I need to take you downtown" and thinks "Shit! My parking ticket". Panic overtakes her. She runs for it.

Officer Jenkins stands for a moment in amazement, before giving chase. He shouts after her "Sarah! Stop! It's okay! It's just a parking ticket!".

An officer approaching from the other direction sees what's going on, and notes that the young woman is running towards him. Probably a theif - stolen someone's handbag or wallet. He draws his side-arm and shouts "Police! Stop!". He notices she has something in her hand. It might be a weapon. He fires one shot and hits Sarah in the chest. Sarah hits the ground.

Her iPhone smashes on the floor.

"Shit" says the officer.

Officer Jenkins arrives. "What the fuck man? What did you shoot her for? She's just a kid"

"I thought she had a weapon. She was running man. I told her to stop!"

"She's just a kid. Get an ambulance"

Officer Jenkins goes to help her while the other officer radios for an ambulance. And backup.

Sarah's friends arrive, and begin recording the incident with their smart phones, and uploading to facebook, YouTube, twitter et al. Hash tag #OMGSarahOwnedLOL.

Officer Jenkins kneels down next to Sarah. "Sarah, are you okay? Don't worry, we're gonna get you some help. You're gonna be fine."

"I... can't... breathe.... I... feel... cold...."

"It's okay Sarah, everything's gonna be fine. You hold on. You hear me? You hang in there. Sarah. Sarah!"

Sarah's eyes stare lifelessly into the void, as she draws her final breath.

"Oh no!" cries officer Jenkins. Tears welling up in his eyes, he begins mouth-to-mouth.

"Come on Sarah! Stay with me!"

How do we know this?

Because the entire incident was recorded, and uploaded by her Google glass.

Meanwhile, the dead girls' profile reads "I just bought a Cherry Coke at Edmonton's and 3rd, 'cause Coke is IT!".

44
1

Beauty firm Avon sticks spike heel into $125m SAP-based sales project

ForthIsNotDead

SAP=[S]tops [A]ll [P]rogress

"Avon selected SAP technology on the back-end engine for its order entry solution. Avon did not use a SAP UI for the web front end."

Good. We do use the SAP GUI. If the year was 1970, it (the SAP GUI) would be awesome.

It is not 1970.

And it's shit.

12
0

Is Google prepping an ARMY of WALKING ROBOTS?

ForthIsNotDead
Terminator

Transhumanists

The top people at Google are a transhumanist cult. Their God's are the machines they plan to invent to rule us.

http://www.infowars.com/eric-schmidt-google-ai-indistinguishable-from-humans-within-a-decade/

Eric Schmidt plans to swallow robots in the future: http://www.bizjournals.com/sanjose/blog/2012/10/eric-schmidt-plans-to-swallow-robots.html

Eric Schmidt Will Soon Send Robots To Parties To Represent Him: http://www.webpronews.com/eric-schmidt-will-soon-send-robots-to-parties-to-represent-him-2012-10

I'd be cool with it if they wanted to use, say, nano-robots to swim through a persons body and actively kill cancer cells. But they don't. Their plan for our future is a lot more dystopian than utopian, I think.

I am genuinely scared of Google. They really genuinely put the shits up me.

Schmidt attended Bilderberg earlier this year.

Regarding Google's "Do no evil" mantra, I believe it has been widely mis-interpreted. It's actually an instruction from Google, to us. Google is watching you. And don't you forget it. Peons.

0
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Twitterers rally round #CensoredUK - to demand MORE PORN

ForthIsNotDead

Meh.

Got my VPN - check

Got my Andrex tissues - check

I'll be fine.

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