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* Posts by Dan 7

15 posts • joined 26 Aug 2009

BOFH: Pain fear games

Dan 7
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Reballs/A-balls

Ooh yes, good point. And don't bother dropping the marker from 280FPS to 200FPS as is recommended when using reballs. MWUHA HA HA reballs at 280FPS hurt like hell, as I know from experience !!

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New drug spray 'makes men as soppy as girls'

Dan 7
Grenade

Us Brits were there first

Accordingly to Lee Evans us Brits have a better military deterrrant. A line of pregant women to face charging enemy troops who will tell them to "F*CK OFF !!!!" What man is gonna mess with a homicidal pregnant woman ?? :)

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Baying mob turns on miniskirted Brazilian uni student

Dan 7
Pint

Huh ?

Who were the students protesting ? Probably some religious group with funny idea's on clothing at a rough guess. Her dress is short yes, but no worse than many other girls wear there.

Its either nutters, or they all asked her out and she told them to take a hike !!

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Government to protect children from zombie paedophiles

Dan 7
Joke

Bu dum dum tish !!

So would a Zombie paedophile not call out "Brains !!!" but instead call out "Bairns !!!" ;)

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PC World punts Windows 7 £100 trade-in promotion

Dan 7

UP TO £100

I went in and bought a new laptop 3 weeks ago. I asked about the trade in and they told me its UP TO £100 off depending on the laptop, and its current state. So don't expect to get £100 off.

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Cornish separatists take aim at pasty students

Dan 7
Grenade

Sad muppets

Sorry but the Ooh-Arr-Aayy quite obviously are a bunch of sad whiners with nothing better to do.

They can't even maintain a cohesive group, constantly restarting/renaming themselves every 5 minutes.

These are not the IRA or ETA, who are proper terrorist organisations (they might like to claim that they are freedom fighters, but freedom fighters don't oppress the very people they are supposed to be fighting for.) The Ooh-Arr-Aay should just grow up, and sod off down the pub and grumble in to their beer

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Helpdesk Heroes or unappreciated geeks?

Dan 7
Paris Hilton

All information is required

When I used to work on the frontline for IBM we had a lot of wierd phonecalls. Such as:

The gentleman ringing demanding to know where his Giro cheque was, and could not be persuaded that we were not the DSS. He was utterly convinced I was lying to him.

The many many many customers who rang irate that their Aptiva PC or Server wasn't working, and getting more and more huffy that I was asking them such an obvious question as "is it plugged in and turned on".......only made better by the quiet swearing and scuffling as they finally checked after several minutes of assuring me it was.......and then the mumbled "err its not plugged in" :)

My favourite though is the woman who rang to log a faulty server. Their companies main server and her MD was standing right next to her (said obviously to try and impress upon me the importance of the situation.) She huffily gave over the company name, address, and her name. She almost didn't give over the machine type number but she flat out refused to give me the serial number. I had to politely tell her that we needed the serial number so as to check her maintenance status. She refused angrily and rudely again and again. Eventually she said she was putting her MD on. The MD gruffly said "Right, can we stop all this buggering about and just get this fixed." To which I assured him that we would however we needed the serial number. He asked why ?? I told him that we needed it to check his maintenance contract status otherwise he would be charged, and I told him I had told his employee this several times but she refused to give it to me. Silence.........then a lot of muffled shouting in the background at the employee. I couldn't help but smile when the now sheepish woman came back on and gave me the serial number :D

Paris coz.......well clearly she was one !! :)

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Society bible lectures students on etiquette

Dan 7
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Socialable Skills !!

Go to pub......get drunk.......come back to dorms and have hilarious idea of setting off fire alarms.

Make sure no one see's you as everyone is dragged out of their beds.....or other peoples beds....to traipse outside for the third time that night. Definitely make sure the Fire Brigade don't find out who you are !!!!

Important instructions for certain (still never discovered) muppets at Southampton Institute (now called Solent University I believe) grrrrrrrrrr

Or my favourite......

Don't bother buying food. Spend it on booze. Then when you are hungry steal everyone elses. Especially their milk.........until they put loads of laxative in the carton (with a note saying there is laxative in their mind) and learn an important lesson...............remember to buy new underwear !!! :D

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Cruises on ex-Soviet space warships offered

Dan 7
Alien

@RainForestGuppy

"If the gun fired wouldn't there be a equal an opposite force in the opposite direction, sending the spacecraft spiralling off? Even a recoilless gun requires some bracing to hold it firm."

Depends on the amount of force/momentum created by the cannon in relation to the mass of the spacecraft. Sat in an inflatable dingy-esque spacecraft and fire a howitzer and sure you'd be half way to the moon in one shot. With an anti-aircraft gun (similar to a flak cannon I presume) onboard a several ton sizeable spacecraft then no it wouldn't go flying off in to the ether as the manouvering jets would be able to keep it in place.

But there is a viable inertia-less alternative Im happy to have an excuse to say.....

PEW PEW WTF LASERS :) hehe

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Good Housekeeping readers play hunt the G-spot

Dan 7
Paris Hilton

@AC

"I worked in France with a French woman of about 30 years of age a few years ago. Now, in fairness, she had lived most of her life in a very rural, rather sheltered village in the middle of nowhere and wasn't exactly worldly-wise.

But when we informed her that most British girls (meaning, about 16-25 years old) owned a vibrator she collapsed in a fit of giggles and remained in that state for some hours...

Who said the British were sexually repressed (or that the French were otherwise!)?

Paris. Guess why."

Maybe she was just amused that British girls feel the need to have aids in the first place, whereas the French just get on down and Le Shag :D

Although I hope that most girls clean theirs after use unlike one of my female friends. (Long story short......"Ooh a candle.....EEWWWWWW" Nuff said really)

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Custard Creams can kill: Official

Dan 7
Pint

@Sarah

"Moderatrix wonders if it's too early to start on the bourbon."

Well as my Argentine wife keeps calling them Burbon's I guess you might be ok for a quick single......oh hell make it a double and do me one too ;)

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Army's £114m battle-comms net not up to Afghan demands

Dan 7
Grenade

Buy Blitish !!!

So once again the British Armed Forces have been made to buy British products that are quite frankly inferior, when the non-British alternatives available to them have been far superior. We've seen this with all sorts of equipment the UK Forces use, the SA80 being the most well known and infamous one. The alternative to the SA80 at the time was an Italian made rifle that was excellent and precisely what the Army wanted but they were told they HAD TO have the SA80 as it was British made. Whilst the SA80 has many fine qualities, the rifles themselves were utter pants until Heckler and Koch (the famed GERMAN weapons manufacturers) got hold of them and fixed them in the SA80 A2.

Thing is that its the Politicians who tied the Armed Forces hands with inferior products, and lacking equipment. Probably so there's plenty of cash so they can get their overly inflated expenses paid.

And this isn't a new thing......I used to date the daughter of one of our Admiral's, and his job was to procure what the Navy needed. He was basically told to STEAL fuel and munitions from the Army and RAF so as to equip our warships which couldn't leave Portsmouth as they had empty fuel tanks, and nothing to shoot.

Im not saying that we should not use British items, just that if they are not the best then we shouldn't use them. Maybe that will force the British firms to buck their idea's up and improve the products so that they are the best again. Because this isn't causing downtime or delays, this is our boys LIVES that are on the line because of these crap items !!!!

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Arms biz: Your taxes mainly go on our fat salaries! Ha ha!

Dan 7
Grenade

Defence industry sinkhole

Its well known that the defence industry in the UK is supported by the UK Government as without the UKG the defence industry would go belly up.

Why ?? Simple really.

Company A makes a product. They sell it to African Warlord B. Who doesn't pay. Defence Company A goes to the Government and demands the UKG pay them. Which it does. Company A then goes back to African Warlord B and asks him if he'd like more stuff.

And so it goes on. Its where the budget is disappearing to. Defence companies are happy as they get paid one way or another. The Government is happy as its "protecting" British businesses and jobs. And of course African Warlord is happy as he's go loads of new stuff for free (or he may have paid a 20% deposit up front) to use to continue his personal little war.

And this isn't going to change until the Government grows a set of balls and tells these Defence companies to act like all the other businesses !!

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Legal ruling may hit outsourcing claims

Dan 7

Ermm

Surely they mean that people would be better able to claim Constructive Dismissal, not Unfair Dismissal. Unfair Dismissal is if you are dismissed and disagree with the reasons for your dismissal. Constructive Dismissal is where you effectively dismiss yourself because of various reasons. Normally that your employer has made your continuing with them unacceptable for some reason. (Your job has changed, things you've complained about have not been rectified, etc.)

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Teen kidnapped over Sony PSP

Dan 7

In a video game ?

Why would the 17 year old think he was in a video game ??

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