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* Posts by DJV

424 posts • joined 4 Aug 2009

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Captain Cyborg: Computers are alive, like bats or cows

DJV
Alert

@AC 16:13 Geri

"He then got his nervous system wired up to his wife's (and, I think, a robot arm controller). That is really, really cool and fuck anyone who disagrees. Nervous system control over a robot arm and inter-nervous system communications are awesome"

The most surprising bit about that is the fact that some woman was mental enough to become his wife - what WAS she thinking?

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Reg hack cast adrift as Illuminati Online goes off-line

DJV
Happy

Domain

Bill - I see that, although billray.com has been taken, both billrayhack.com and billrayreghack.com are still up for grabs!

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FARTING DEATH CAMELS MUST DIE to save the world!

DJV
Happy

He should...

He should pop over here and bag a few of those in Westminster whose main aim in life seems to be to produce hot air...

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Pirate-bothering ACS:Law lawyer goes bankrupt

DJV
Devil

My heart bleeds.... meh!

Couldn't happened to a nicer guy - hmm, could do with an icon depicting a hangman's scaffold here... ah well, the Satan one will have to do instead.

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Chinese teen flogs kidney to buy iPad

DJV
Facepalm

Now that's dedication...

I vote that we honour him with the title "Fanboi Supreme" (well, until someone donates their heart in exchange for an iPad, anyway).

5
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Nokia gives up predicting sales

DJV
Joke

Nokia Sales Forecast

A spokesman for Nokia said, "We might (or might not) sell something next quarter. But don't quote me."

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Official: Apple to float iCloud on 6 June

DJV
Joke

But Shirley that should be...

...an iRoar or an iWhimper!

Both have probably been trademarked by now as Apple have, no doubt, employed someone and given them the sole task of going through a large dictionary putting an 'i' in front of every word in it and registering most of them - hmm, wonder if they've registered iCunt yet....

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1

BT, TalkTalk seek leave to appeal DEA ruling

DJV
Devil

Go BT!

Bloody hell - can't believe I actually said that about the useless, Phorm-loving, money-grabbing bastards. But between BT and the DEA it's definitely a case of the "lesser of two weasels" (or something like that).

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Unpatched IE bug exposes sensitive Facebook creds

DJV
Alert

A flaw in IE!!! Shock Horror!

SNAFU

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White Space competitors fight dirty

DJV
Coat

Microsoft can't be trusted! Shock horror!

Well, that really comes as a surprise to me....

Mine's the one with the <sarcasm> tags in the pocket.

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Sony's Thai website pwned by phisher scoundrels

DJV
WTF?

"a phishing site running on Sony's servers"

And it WASN'T the PlayStation Network?

Shock horror!

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Planet with British weather found 20 light years away

DJV
Happy

@Monkey Bob

Since when do politicians and tabloid journalists count as "life" (well, maybe, but certainly not life as we know it, Jim)

3
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Apple seeks patent for keyboard that sucks

DJV
Joke

Yeah, but...

...will they ever get this technology working on holographically projected keyboards?

1
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Peugeot compo cam aids amateur espionage

DJV
Thumb Up

OMG - woman with no legs!

Pan left and down until you see a disgusting looking building covered with lime green, yellow and orange. Next zoom in to the left of the building and onto the bus coming towards you. On the pavement just in front of the bus is a woman in a pink jacket who appears to have no legs and is floating above the pavement! Fantastic!

Who cares about some shitty French car, Iooking for the bad photo joins is much more fun!

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Glass aeroplanes and iPads on the way, say boffins

DJV
Coat

@z0mbee

No, if it had been it would have been called "Transparent Aluminum"

Ok, I'll get me coat...

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DIY kit computer goes Forth against Braben's RaspberryPi

DJV
Happy

@Steve Button

You could really confuse them with REBOL!

www.rebol.com

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Google offers to pop round and take some piccies

DJV
Thumb Up

DIY

Nah, do it yourself and upload them here:

www.panoramicearth.com

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Boffins develop method of driving computers insane

DJV
Happy

But Shirley...

...this should have been posted under ROTM, not biology?

0
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China sets out space-station plan, asks public to name it

DJV
Alert

I suggest...

I suggest they call it SONY - it will then install a rootkit on the ISS as it passes, accidentally broadcast all the addresses and credit card details of the entire 1.3 billion Chinese population before hitting a satellite and crashing into a Japanese nuclear power station after failing to burn up in the atmosphere.

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Calling all commentards: Want some new icons?

DJV

Or even better

Use some nifty HTML5 (or Web2.0rhea if you prefer) code to implement icon drag and drop properly.

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DJV

POPCORN...

Also known as a ZDNet icon </sarcasm>

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DJV

V for Vendetta icon

Please please pretty please. Ah go on you know you want to...

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Pope says gravity proves technology can't supplant God

DJV
Happy

The downvoter

I'm just amusing myself trying to imagine what colour of 'beetroot' the down-voter's face was going as he/she/it down-voted the list of anti-Pope comments above...

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Police head-cam TV show debuts in US

DJV
Alert

Pity...

Pity they didn't arrest the annoying git bashing a drum all the way through it...

1
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Got a buck to send M Night Shyamalan to film school?

DJV
Joke

direct descendent?

No no no. That's not a problem - see the Futurama episode "Roswell That Ends Well" for an explanation (of sorts).

1
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Judge hits police with massive bill over false Operation Ore charges

DJV
Grenade

BASTARDS!

See title.

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1

Pre-release Windows 8 code hits PC makers

DJV
Grenade

System Reset

Wow, what a wonderful idea! Instead of actually FIXING the problems which cause Windows to slow down let's add yet another BODGE to the system which just makes it appear like we've fixed it! Pretty much the same mindset in use when they "fixed" the corrupted DLLs that plagued earlier versions by storing backups that would get copied back over the in-use versions when they became corrupted, INSTEAD of actually fixing the things that were causing the DLLs to become corrupted in the first place. Pathetic!

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Microsoft cofounder Allen unloads on Gates

DJV
FAIL

Early Microsoft Coding

If you want to see how "good" some of the early Microsoft coding was, then go and read "Barbarians Led by Bill Gates" by Jennifer Edstrom and Marlin Eller - especially pages 27/8 about the "Brain dead bit of code" that just happened to have been written by a certain Mr Gates!

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PHP.net breach: Concern over safety of source code

DJV
Happy

Actually...

I think the OP is failing to grasp <insert anything you like here>

5
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Moving to Windows 7: Is it worth it?

DJV
Thumb Up

Classic Shell

Aha, I think Classic Shell is what you are talking about. It's a free download from Sourceforge - I'm playing with it now... Hmm, seems good so far and all the settings are customisable. Neat!

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DJV

6GB RAM

32-bit systems (by the very nature of using 32-bit addresses) can only access 4GB max. 32-bit Windows (XP and 7) usually only accesses 3 of those 4. 64-bit systems can access more. 2^32 = 4,294,967,296 bytes (= 4GB). 64-bit systems can, in theory, access 18,446,744,073,709,551,616 bytes though MS restrict maximum memory access depending on which version of Win7-64 you have - they even limit the Starter version to 2GB! See:

http://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/aa366778%28v=vs.85%29.aspx#physical_memory_limits_windows_7

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Mozilla confirms Firefox 4 beta 12 is FINAL test build

DJV
Thumb Down

I regret to say...

...that, unfortunately, you are wrong. There are plenty of the clueless still using it.

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Phone seller pre-peddles white iPhone 4 for UNDER A GRAND!

DJV
Alert

Wow!

I'm off to buy a shed load of black ones and a tin of white paint!

5
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HTML5 kicked into 2014

DJV

@Trib

"Didn't IE9 top the current HTML 5 compatibility tests from W3C?"

Maybe, but it certainly falls way down the list on www.html5test.com - the RC scores 116 (+ 5 bonus points) whilst the FF4 beta 11 scores 197+9 (though an earlier beta scored 207+9!), Chrome 9 scores 242+13 (but STILL can't print background colours and images - aargh!), Opera 11.01 scores 177+7 and Safari scores 207+7.

0
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HP gives Lou Reed a right shoeing

DJV
FAIL

One word....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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Single complaint sparks police raid and total ban on rental movie

DJV

And, if not that...

...then maybe fined for wasting police time (and therefore taxpayers money).

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Gates, Woz, and the last 2,000 years of computing

DJV

@Lord Lien

Sinclair BASIC was arguably better when compared to the C64 (I have to POKE WHAT to get hi-res graphics?!?!) but reliability-wise they were far inferior. I should know, at the time I was working in an electronics repair shop and the number of dead Spectrums being returned around Christmas 1983 was astounding.

I also bought a Sinclair Cambridge calculator in the early 1970s (the prebuilt version, not the kit). It lasted less than 2 years before it popped its clogs, however I've still got a Commodore SR-1800 scientific calculator from a year or two later (1975, if memory serves) - I stuck some batteries in it just yesterday (first time in about 5 years) to see if it still worked - it did!

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Shaun the Sheep shorts to lure kids to Nintendo 3DS

DJV
Coat

dip in, dip out appeal?

Shirley, that's SHEEP dip in.....

.

.

Anyway, Shaun the Sheep is wasted on kids - the number of in-jokes and references to films (e,g, Psycho, Close Encounters, Saturday Night Fever, Airplane) and other TV programmes (e.g. Fawlty Towers, Futurama) are way above most kids' comprehension!

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Gov will spend £400k to destroy ID card data

DJV
Happy

£400,000?

Blimey - I'd do it for half that!

4
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Europe bites Hungary over media and internet censorship

DJV

Competent Minister?

But, Shirley, that's an oxymoron?

0
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Sony Ericsson sues over Clearwire swirl

DJV
Happy

That's marbleous!

My cats occasionally chase marbles around my house - I'm sure some of the marbles look EXACTLY like both of those logos. Does that mean I (or possibly my cats or maybe even the marble manufacturer) can sue both Sony Ericsson AND Clearwire over this?

I off to phone my lawyer...

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Sarko to use G8 presidency to promote net regulation

DJV
Grenade

Does not compute!

"How do you respond to the problem of terrorism, of paedophilia, to subjects such as the right to be forgotten?"

Just asking... but what happens when the terrorists and paedophiles ask for their right to be forgotten? Will Sarky's brain throw a "does not compute" wobbly and explode? Now THAT would probably be a good result!

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Instant storage cloud: just add Atmos

DJV
Alert

Sontar-HAH

cough cough

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White iPhone inbound for spring of 2011

DJV
Joke

About time!

All those ceiling cats have been jealous of their basement buddies!!

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'ALIEN' LIFE FOUND in California

DJV
Happy

XKCD joke about it...

http://xkcd.com/829/

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Ballmer pitches PC as smartest device on planet

DJV
Megaphone

Smartest? Which planet?

Well, if the only 2 things on a planet were a PC and Ballmer then I'd definitely agree that the PC would be the smartest out of the two.

Megaphone because that's what Ballmer reminds me of...

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Microsoft's IE9 'nearly finished'

DJV
Joke

March?

Blimey, Google will have issued at least 7 new versions of Chrome before then!

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Verizon: we like Microsoft, but not Windows Phone 7

DJV

Breaking News...

...Lowell McAdam injured in mysterious accident involving a chair.

2
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POD giveth: Is factory-built HPC the future?

DJV
Alert

POD?

Are Apple aware of this?

1
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Verizon courts Star Wars set with Droid R2-D2

DJV

R2D2?

Look more like R2D2 vs Steam Roller and the droid lost...

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