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* Posts by DJV

452 posts • joined 4 Aug 2009

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Scottish rats scoff optic fibre, take down broadband

DJV
Holmes

Small mammals!

Well, that makes a change from larger, human sized mammals mistaking fibre-optic for copper...

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Ads watchdog slaps down Sony smartphone battery life claim

DJV
Devil

Sony caught doing something bad?

How unusual!

</sarcasm>

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Hard-up OpenOffice whips out begging-cap website

DJV
Headmaster

Your users can fly? Amazing!

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/whinging

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Ellison: 'There'll be nothing left of IBM once I'm done'

DJV
FAIL

Betcha feeling sorry for that comment now...

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DJV
Megaphone

What do you mean "sometimes"?

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DJV
Mushroom

Sigh... if only we could lock both Ellison and Ballmer into an escape-proof (and soundproof) room and throw away the key.

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Chrome browser 'is becoming Number Two'

DJV
Flame

Ah, the Opera mobile/mini user

One question. Are you the same person as the Opera (desktop) user that's always getting downvoted on here?

Well, whatever, I'm downvoting you just in case...

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Google OUTBID on g.co.uk at auction

DJV
Joke

I wonder...

If this goes on then I wonder if it will be possible to buy *.co.uk where * is null? Should be fun attempting to type that in!

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Apple TV owners lost legal movie playback this weekend

DJV
Headmaster

What?

Oh, you mean "oar". I was trying to figure out what was relevant about being chained to a rock (or even "chaned to a roc").

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Boffins prove Queen ballad 'world's most catchy song'

DJV
Devil

@truly disappointed

You bastard! I followed that link and, spotting the title, just managed to close the browser tab down before it played the second note!!

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Pierre Cardin reckons it can out-bling the iPad

DJV
Coat

Only if...

...it supports border-radius.

Coat, get, leave...

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Ex-Microsofties' IE6 kill squad hits UK

DJV
Coat

Unibrows

Do the sweet natured and loving siblings, the Gallager brothers know about this?

Mine's the one with a wonderwall in the pocket...

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Acid3 browser test drops DOM tripper-upper

DJV

You should not see this at all?

First time I've run Acid 3 in months. Funny, but I saw that message on one run using the Comodo browser (Webkit based) - a second run had it appear for a split second and then it disappeared. Other browsers sometimes show it momentarily.

All the browsers I tested* got 100%, including IE9 (and I tested the latest versions of FF, Comodo, Chrome, Safari and Opera.

*except Lynx - :)

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Apollo 17 Moon landing: Shock revelations

DJV
Happy

Yay!

It's Friday and we have Playmobile! What more can a commentard ask for! (well, ok, maybe some more BOFH, please)

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Hey Commentards! [This title is optional]

DJV
Flame

Opera

No, that is probably just to annoy the Opera user that everyone down votes.

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Scientists devise 260GB CD-size glass disc storage tech

DJV
Alert

Powerful laser

Just how powerful is that laser? If I dismantle the drive can I use the laser to knock planes out the sky?

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Ridley Scott confirmed for Blade Runner pre/sequel

DJV
Coat

3D.. pah!

Colo(u)r... talkies...

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?

Mines the one with a grump in the pocket.

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HP murders webOS tablets, phones

DJV

Hmmm...

Wonder if it's going to be worthwhile picking one of these up for the peanuts they are now worth just in case they become collectors items later on!

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IBM PC daddy: 'The PC era is over'

DJV
Thumb Up

Agreed

And, while we're at it, have a similar law apply to politicians and their so called 'promises' with the exception that if they don't keep their promises they don't wear a dunce cap but have their entire head removed instead.

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LOHAN team buried under ballockets

DJV
Joke

Blimey

Looking through all that lot I think it would be simpler to forget about any balloons, launchers, toruses (tori?) etc and leave LOHAN where it is and just move the Earth out of the way instead!

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Google failing to pay Android developers

DJV
Pirate

Developers' Union?

A developers' union could be a good thing. Well, it is about time Google became accountable to the rest of the world+dog. They do lots of good stuff but seem to think they can live in an ivory tower ignoring those knocking on the door with legitimate issues.

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Apple vanishes MySQL from Mac OS X Lion Server

DJV
Devil

@Don Mitchell

Go wash your mouth out with soap and water!

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Jesus Phone saved from being man-in-the-middled

DJV
Alert

Same here

I'm just wondering why some idiot downvoted you just for stating that something happened. There are some complete twonks around here, aren't there!

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Toyota tech to steer cars round jaywalkers

DJV
Facepalm

I wonder...

Ok, so imagine one of these is driving along a narrow mountain road with a sheer drop on one side and solid rock on the other. Now stick a jaywalker (or a goat) in the middle of the road around the next corner. Does the car plough into the rock and kill the driver or throw itself down the mountainside and ditto ditto? Or can the driver override the system and just impale the jaywalker/goat on the front grill?

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Phone-hack backlash BBC in embarrassing headline gaffes

DJV
Joke

Surely knot?

But, surely, that should of bin "Shirley knot?"

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Sony insurer says it's not liable for costs of data breach

DJV
Happy

I feel...

How sad, I feel a Nelson Muntz moment coming on.

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Drunken bust-up woman sprays cops with breast milk

DJV
Happy

Don't bother Sarah

Here's one I made earlier:

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2010/01/18/avatar_names/

Scroll down just past half way or Ctrl-F for "bootnotes"

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Microsoft pounces as Mozilla shuns enterprise

DJV
Unhappy

2020?

We've got to make our web sites support IE8 until 2020? Oh bugger...

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Captain Cyborg: Computers are alive, like bats or cows

DJV
Alert

@AC 16:13 Geri

"He then got his nervous system wired up to his wife's (and, I think, a robot arm controller). That is really, really cool and fuck anyone who disagrees. Nervous system control over a robot arm and inter-nervous system communications are awesome"

The most surprising bit about that is the fact that some woman was mental enough to become his wife - what WAS she thinking?

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Reg hack cast adrift as Illuminati Online goes off-line

DJV
Happy

Domain

Bill - I see that, although billray.com has been taken, both billrayhack.com and billrayreghack.com are still up for grabs!

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FARTING DEATH CAMELS MUST DIE to save the world!

DJV
Happy

He should...

He should pop over here and bag a few of those in Westminster whose main aim in life seems to be to produce hot air...

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Pirate-bothering ACS:Law lawyer goes bankrupt

DJV
Devil

My heart bleeds.... meh!

Couldn't happened to a nicer guy - hmm, could do with an icon depicting a hangman's scaffold here... ah well, the Satan one will have to do instead.

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Chinese teen flogs kidney to buy iPad

DJV
Facepalm

Now that's dedication...

I vote that we honour him with the title "Fanboi Supreme" (well, until someone donates their heart in exchange for an iPad, anyway).

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Nokia gives up predicting sales

DJV
Joke

Nokia Sales Forecast

A spokesman for Nokia said, "We might (or might not) sell something next quarter. But don't quote me."

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Official: Apple to float iCloud on 6 June

DJV
Joke

But Shirley that should be...

...an iRoar or an iWhimper!

Both have probably been trademarked by now as Apple have, no doubt, employed someone and given them the sole task of going through a large dictionary putting an 'i' in front of every word in it and registering most of them - hmm, wonder if they've registered iCunt yet....

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BT, TalkTalk seek leave to appeal DEA ruling

DJV
Devil

Go BT!

Bloody hell - can't believe I actually said that about the useless, Phorm-loving, money-grabbing bastards. But between BT and the DEA it's definitely a case of the "lesser of two weasels" (or something like that).

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Unpatched IE bug exposes sensitive Facebook creds

DJV
Alert

A flaw in IE!!! Shock Horror!

SNAFU

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White Space competitors fight dirty

DJV
Coat

Microsoft can't be trusted! Shock horror!

Well, that really comes as a surprise to me....

Mine's the one with the <sarcasm> tags in the pocket.

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Sony's Thai website pwned by phisher scoundrels

DJV
WTF?

"a phishing site running on Sony's servers"

And it WASN'T the PlayStation Network?

Shock horror!

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Planet with British weather found 20 light years away

DJV
Happy

@Monkey Bob

Since when do politicians and tabloid journalists count as "life" (well, maybe, but certainly not life as we know it, Jim)

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Apple seeks patent for keyboard that sucks

DJV
Joke

Yeah, but...

...will they ever get this technology working on holographically projected keyboards?

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Peugeot compo cam aids amateur espionage

DJV
Thumb Up

OMG - woman with no legs!

Pan left and down until you see a disgusting looking building covered with lime green, yellow and orange. Next zoom in to the left of the building and onto the bus coming towards you. On the pavement just in front of the bus is a woman in a pink jacket who appears to have no legs and is floating above the pavement! Fantastic!

Who cares about some shitty French car, Iooking for the bad photo joins is much more fun!

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Glass aeroplanes and iPads on the way, say boffins

DJV
Coat

@z0mbee

No, if it had been it would have been called "Transparent Aluminum"

Ok, I'll get me coat...

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DIY kit computer goes Forth against Braben's RaspberryPi

DJV
Happy

@Steve Button

You could really confuse them with REBOL!

www.rebol.com

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Google offers to pop round and take some piccies

DJV
Thumb Up

DIY

Nah, do it yourself and upload them here:

www.panoramicearth.com

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Boffins develop method of driving computers insane

DJV
Happy

But Shirley...

...this should have been posted under ROTM, not biology?

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China sets out space-station plan, asks public to name it

DJV
Alert

I suggest...

I suggest they call it SONY - it will then install a rootkit on the ISS as it passes, accidentally broadcast all the addresses and credit card details of the entire 1.3 billion Chinese population before hitting a satellite and crashing into a Japanese nuclear power station after failing to burn up in the atmosphere.

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Calling all commentards: Want some new icons?

DJV

Or even better

Use some nifty HTML5 (or Web2.0rhea if you prefer) code to implement icon drag and drop properly.

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DJV

POPCORN...

Also known as a ZDNet icon </sarcasm>

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DJV

V for Vendetta icon

Please please pretty please. Ah go on you know you want to...

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