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* Posts by DJV

437 posts • joined 4 Aug 2009

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Scientists devise 260GB CD-size glass disc storage tech

DJV
Alert

Powerful laser

Just how powerful is that laser? If I dismantle the drive can I use the laser to knock planes out the sky?

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Ridley Scott confirmed for Blade Runner pre/sequel

DJV
Coat

3D.. pah!

Colo(u)r... talkies...

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?

Mines the one with a grump in the pocket.

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HP murders webOS tablets, phones

DJV

Hmmm...

Wonder if it's going to be worthwhile picking one of these up for the peanuts they are now worth just in case they become collectors items later on!

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IBM PC daddy: 'The PC era is over'

DJV
Thumb Up

Agreed

And, while we're at it, have a similar law apply to politicians and their so called 'promises' with the exception that if they don't keep their promises they don't wear a dunce cap but have their entire head removed instead.

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LOHAN team buried under ballockets

DJV
Joke

Blimey

Looking through all that lot I think it would be simpler to forget about any balloons, launchers, toruses (tori?) etc and leave LOHAN where it is and just move the Earth out of the way instead!

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Google failing to pay Android developers

DJV
Pirate

Developers' Union?

A developers' union could be a good thing. Well, it is about time Google became accountable to the rest of the world+dog. They do lots of good stuff but seem to think they can live in an ivory tower ignoring those knocking on the door with legitimate issues.

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Apple vanishes MySQL from Mac OS X Lion Server

DJV
Devil

@Don Mitchell

Go wash your mouth out with soap and water!

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Jesus Phone saved from being man-in-the-middled

DJV
Alert

Same here

I'm just wondering why some idiot downvoted you just for stating that something happened. There are some complete twonks around here, aren't there!

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Toyota tech to steer cars round jaywalkers

DJV
Facepalm

I wonder...

Ok, so imagine one of these is driving along a narrow mountain road with a sheer drop on one side and solid rock on the other. Now stick a jaywalker (or a goat) in the middle of the road around the next corner. Does the car plough into the rock and kill the driver or throw itself down the mountainside and ditto ditto? Or can the driver override the system and just impale the jaywalker/goat on the front grill?

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Phone-hack backlash BBC in embarrassing headline gaffes

DJV
Joke

Surely knot?

But, surely, that should of bin "Shirley knot?"

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Sony insurer says it's not liable for costs of data breach

DJV
Happy

I feel...

How sad, I feel a Nelson Muntz moment coming on.

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Drunken bust-up woman sprays cops with breast milk

DJV
Happy

Don't bother Sarah

Here's one I made earlier:

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2010/01/18/avatar_names/

Scroll down just past half way or Ctrl-F for "bootnotes"

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Microsoft pounces as Mozilla shuns enterprise

DJV
Unhappy

2020?

We've got to make our web sites support IE8 until 2020? Oh bugger...

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Captain Cyborg: Computers are alive, like bats or cows

DJV
Alert

@AC 16:13 Geri

"He then got his nervous system wired up to his wife's (and, I think, a robot arm controller). That is really, really cool and fuck anyone who disagrees. Nervous system control over a robot arm and inter-nervous system communications are awesome"

The most surprising bit about that is the fact that some woman was mental enough to become his wife - what WAS she thinking?

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Reg hack cast adrift as Illuminati Online goes off-line

DJV
Happy

Domain

Bill - I see that, although billray.com has been taken, both billrayhack.com and billrayreghack.com are still up for grabs!

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FARTING DEATH CAMELS MUST DIE to save the world!

DJV
Happy

He should...

He should pop over here and bag a few of those in Westminster whose main aim in life seems to be to produce hot air...

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Pirate-bothering ACS:Law lawyer goes bankrupt

DJV
Devil

My heart bleeds.... meh!

Couldn't happened to a nicer guy - hmm, could do with an icon depicting a hangman's scaffold here... ah well, the Satan one will have to do instead.

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Chinese teen flogs kidney to buy iPad

DJV
Facepalm

Now that's dedication...

I vote that we honour him with the title "Fanboi Supreme" (well, until someone donates their heart in exchange for an iPad, anyway).

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Nokia gives up predicting sales

DJV
Joke

Nokia Sales Forecast

A spokesman for Nokia said, "We might (or might not) sell something next quarter. But don't quote me."

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Official: Apple to float iCloud on 6 June

DJV
Joke

But Shirley that should be...

...an iRoar or an iWhimper!

Both have probably been trademarked by now as Apple have, no doubt, employed someone and given them the sole task of going through a large dictionary putting an 'i' in front of every word in it and registering most of them - hmm, wonder if they've registered iCunt yet....

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BT, TalkTalk seek leave to appeal DEA ruling

DJV
Devil

Go BT!

Bloody hell - can't believe I actually said that about the useless, Phorm-loving, money-grabbing bastards. But between BT and the DEA it's definitely a case of the "lesser of two weasels" (or something like that).

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Unpatched IE bug exposes sensitive Facebook creds

DJV
Alert

A flaw in IE!!! Shock Horror!

SNAFU

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White Space competitors fight dirty

DJV
Coat

Microsoft can't be trusted! Shock horror!

Well, that really comes as a surprise to me....

Mine's the one with the <sarcasm> tags in the pocket.

3
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Sony's Thai website pwned by phisher scoundrels

DJV
WTF?

"a phishing site running on Sony's servers"

And it WASN'T the PlayStation Network?

Shock horror!

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Planet with British weather found 20 light years away

DJV
Happy

@Monkey Bob

Since when do politicians and tabloid journalists count as "life" (well, maybe, but certainly not life as we know it, Jim)

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Apple seeks patent for keyboard that sucks

DJV
Joke

Yeah, but...

...will they ever get this technology working on holographically projected keyboards?

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Peugeot compo cam aids amateur espionage

DJV
Thumb Up

OMG - woman with no legs!

Pan left and down until you see a disgusting looking building covered with lime green, yellow and orange. Next zoom in to the left of the building and onto the bus coming towards you. On the pavement just in front of the bus is a woman in a pink jacket who appears to have no legs and is floating above the pavement! Fantastic!

Who cares about some shitty French car, Iooking for the bad photo joins is much more fun!

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Glass aeroplanes and iPads on the way, say boffins

DJV
Coat

@z0mbee

No, if it had been it would have been called "Transparent Aluminum"

Ok, I'll get me coat...

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DIY kit computer goes Forth against Braben's RaspberryPi

DJV
Happy

@Steve Button

You could really confuse them with REBOL!

www.rebol.com

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Google offers to pop round and take some piccies

DJV
Thumb Up

DIY

Nah, do it yourself and upload them here:

www.panoramicearth.com

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Boffins develop method of driving computers insane

DJV
Happy

But Shirley...

...this should have been posted under ROTM, not biology?

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China sets out space-station plan, asks public to name it

DJV
Alert

I suggest...

I suggest they call it SONY - it will then install a rootkit on the ISS as it passes, accidentally broadcast all the addresses and credit card details of the entire 1.3 billion Chinese population before hitting a satellite and crashing into a Japanese nuclear power station after failing to burn up in the atmosphere.

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Calling all commentards: Want some new icons?

DJV

Or even better

Use some nifty HTML5 (or Web2.0rhea if you prefer) code to implement icon drag and drop properly.

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DJV

POPCORN...

Also known as a ZDNet icon </sarcasm>

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DJV

V for Vendetta icon

Please please pretty please. Ah go on you know you want to...

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Pope says gravity proves technology can't supplant God

DJV
Happy

The downvoter

I'm just amusing myself trying to imagine what colour of 'beetroot' the down-voter's face was going as he/she/it down-voted the list of anti-Pope comments above...

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Police head-cam TV show debuts in US

DJV
Alert

Pity...

Pity they didn't arrest the annoying git bashing a drum all the way through it...

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Got a buck to send M Night Shyamalan to film school?

DJV
Joke

direct descendent?

No no no. That's not a problem - see the Futurama episode "Roswell That Ends Well" for an explanation (of sorts).

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Judge hits police with massive bill over false Operation Ore charges

DJV
Grenade

BASTARDS!

See title.

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Pre-release Windows 8 code hits PC makers

DJV
Grenade

System Reset

Wow, what a wonderful idea! Instead of actually FIXING the problems which cause Windows to slow down let's add yet another BODGE to the system which just makes it appear like we've fixed it! Pretty much the same mindset in use when they "fixed" the corrupted DLLs that plagued earlier versions by storing backups that would get copied back over the in-use versions when they became corrupted, INSTEAD of actually fixing the things that were causing the DLLs to become corrupted in the first place. Pathetic!

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Microsoft cofounder Allen unloads on Gates

DJV
FAIL

Early Microsoft Coding

If you want to see how "good" some of the early Microsoft coding was, then go and read "Barbarians Led by Bill Gates" by Jennifer Edstrom and Marlin Eller - especially pages 27/8 about the "Brain dead bit of code" that just happened to have been written by a certain Mr Gates!

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PHP.net breach: Concern over safety of source code

DJV
Happy

Actually...

I think the OP is failing to grasp <insert anything you like here>

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Moving to Windows 7: Is it worth it?

DJV
Thumb Up

Classic Shell

Aha, I think Classic Shell is what you are talking about. It's a free download from Sourceforge - I'm playing with it now... Hmm, seems good so far and all the settings are customisable. Neat!

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DJV

6GB RAM

32-bit systems (by the very nature of using 32-bit addresses) can only access 4GB max. 32-bit Windows (XP and 7) usually only accesses 3 of those 4. 64-bit systems can access more. 2^32 = 4,294,967,296 bytes (= 4GB). 64-bit systems can, in theory, access 18,446,744,073,709,551,616 bytes though MS restrict maximum memory access depending on which version of Win7-64 you have - they even limit the Starter version to 2GB! See:

http://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/aa366778%28v=vs.85%29.aspx#physical_memory_limits_windows_7

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Mozilla confirms Firefox 4 beta 12 is FINAL test build

DJV
Thumb Down

I regret to say...

...that, unfortunately, you are wrong. There are plenty of the clueless still using it.

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Phone seller pre-peddles white iPhone 4 for UNDER A GRAND!

DJV
Alert

Wow!

I'm off to buy a shed load of black ones and a tin of white paint!

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HTML5 kicked into 2014

DJV

@Trib

"Didn't IE9 top the current HTML 5 compatibility tests from W3C?"

Maybe, but it certainly falls way down the list on www.html5test.com - the RC scores 116 (+ 5 bonus points) whilst the FF4 beta 11 scores 197+9 (though an earlier beta scored 207+9!), Chrome 9 scores 242+13 (but STILL can't print background colours and images - aargh!), Opera 11.01 scores 177+7 and Safari scores 207+7.

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HP gives Lou Reed a right shoeing

DJV
FAIL

One word....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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Single complaint sparks police raid and total ban on rental movie

DJV

And, if not that...

...then maybe fined for wasting police time (and therefore taxpayers money).

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Gates, Woz, and the last 2,000 years of computing

DJV

@Lord Lien

Sinclair BASIC was arguably better when compared to the C64 (I have to POKE WHAT to get hi-res graphics?!?!) but reliability-wise they were far inferior. I should know, at the time I was working in an electronics repair shop and the number of dead Spectrums being returned around Christmas 1983 was astounding.

I also bought a Sinclair Cambridge calculator in the early 1970s (the prebuilt version, not the kit). It lasted less than 2 years before it popped its clogs, however I've still got a Commodore SR-1800 scientific calculator from a year or two later (1975, if memory serves) - I stuck some batteries in it just yesterday (first time in about 5 years) to see if it still worked - it did!

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