* Posts by DJV

512 posts • joined 4 Aug 2009

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Cloud computing is FAIL and here’s why

DJV
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Agree

"Cloud computing is shite. It takes over everything you’ve got, then farts in your face and runs away giggling."

Couldn't have put it better! I wouldn't trust any of them with my data. I am paranoid when it comes to backups (having been bitten in the past). The irreplaceable stuff is backed up in 6 different places, one of which is not under my roof!

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Quick Q: How many FLOPPIES do I need for 16 MILLION image files?

DJV
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Re: 16-page document I was working on last night won’t fit onto a floppy

Still got some 5.25" floppies around somewhere along with some PetSoft Commodore PET programs on CASSETTE - Lunar Lander, Star Trek 3D amongst others! Not got any punched cards, though...

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Vinyl-fetish hipsters might just have a point

DJV
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Re: But, but...

Dunno about DRM, but back in the 70s I almost convinced a (hard of thinking) work colleague that if you looked extremely closely at the grooves you could see the lyrics. Well, how else would the singer know which words to sing?

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NHS patient data storm: Govt lords SLAP DOWN privacy protections

DJV
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Facepalm

Twats!

That is all

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Google Glass teardown puts rock-bottom price on hardware

DJV
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I'm waiting...

...for the ifixit.com breakdown for a comparison!

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10 PRINT "Happy 50th Birthday, BASIC" : GOTO 10

DJV
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Happy

Re: My first program

Some tricks for shop computers I used to employ were:

1) A POKE to the VIC-20 video chip to change the screen width from 22 columns to 23 or 21. This would cause anything on the subsequent lines to be offset left or right by one extra character each line. Really annoying for the shop assistants who couldn't figure out why their program listings were going diagonally down the screen.

2) Running a simple loop to copy the CBM-64 ROM into the underlying RAM, a POKE or two to keep it there, then a few more POKEs to change the SYNTAX ERROR text (now in RAM) to something far less pleasant. Then I'd stand back to watch kids (usually) cause an error and ask their unsuspecting parent what that meant!

3) Enter a short program into a Spectrum that changed the screen to 2 shades of blue, print "COMMODORE 64 BASIC V2", "64K RAM SYSTEM 38911 BYTES FREE" and "READY" with a loop to flash a cursor. That got lots of people confused! I once even convinced someone that a Spectrum had had a CBM-64 ROM installed in it by mistake!

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Google adds a sense of history to Street View with archive footage

DJV
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Meh

Fuzz!

They've also re-run the algorithm that fuzzes out car number plates and faces. It's managed to completely obscure my number plate on the 2008 photo (originally one letter could just be made out), several bricks on the wall beside my front door (nowhere near the house number) and a bit of the tree in the neighbour across the road's garden! It HASN'T however, fuzzed out the face of one my cats sitting on the doorstep - maybe it decided the cat's face was fuzzy enough!

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Murdoch says Microsoft needs 'big clean out'

DJV
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Happy
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BuzzGasm: 9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About PLIERS!

DJV
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Learn about Microsoft Cloud OS

DJV
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Learn about Microsoft Cloud OS

I'd rather not!

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Worlds that could support LIFE found among 715 new planets

DJV
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Facepalm

Re: Gravity?

Nurse, the tablets, QUICKLY!

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Samsung flings sueball at Dyson for 'intolerable' IP copycat claim

DJV
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Yeah, but if it had been £ or $ then el Reg would have spelt it BEEELLION!

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Steelie Neelie: ICANN think of more 'credible' rules for internet. (Cough *NSA* cough)

DJV
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FAIL

Re: Old Neelie is good for a laugh!

There, there Matt

You go and have a nice lie down and leave the rest of us to read the article properly and come to more logical conclusions.

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Jean Michel Jarre: Je voudrais un MUSIC TAX sur VOTRE MOBE

DJV
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Facepalm

a gadget that doesn’t play music isn’t worth very much

Hmm, many of my gadgets - e.g. printer, screens, electric drill, multimeter, kettle - don't play music. As they are now almost completely worthless, I'd better throw them away. Thanks for the advice, JMJ!

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Do you wear specs? Google Glass offers YOU amazing live HD video

DJV
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We want as many people as possible to wear it

Yeah, I bet they bloody do!

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Android VPN redirect vuln now spotted lurking in Kitkat 4.4

DJV
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Mushroom

Indeed, and it's why many programmers like me were shitting themselves in the 1980s when Ronald Reagan's "Star Wars" system was proposed. That's the one that was going to require millions of lines of computer code that had to work properly the first time an invading missile was detected coming over the horizon (and not go bananas when a pigeon shat on a detector).

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Sony on the ropes after Moody's downgrade to junk

DJV
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@ CaptainHook

Agreed. I deliberately haven't bought anything Sony-related since then. Yes, they should learn that customers have long memories.

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NASA's Opportunity rover celebrates 10 years on Mars with a FILTHY selfie

DJV
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Happy

Re: Where's the obligatory post to 695?

Here you go: http://xkcd.com/695/

You could have done it yourself, you know!

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Walking while texting can – OUCH! – end badly, say boffins

DJV
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Less often nowadays. I think the WWF has put them on the endangered list.

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UK.gov recruiting 400 crack CompSci experts to go into teaching

DJV
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Re: By Gove! I think he's got it!

Yeah, but, remember, this is Michael Gove you are talking about. Most teachers hate him and the crap he normally spits out. He just got lucky this time around when pulling random ideas out of a hat (though I'm sure he'll find some way of cocking the whole thing up before too long).

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Bing Maps COCKUP: Oracle UK HQ is 'Elvis Impersonators' joint

DJV
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Joke

Mislabelling

They also mislabelled Windows 8 as an operating system...

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And the winner of the most reliable disk drive award is ...

DJV
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FAIL

Seagate

I knew I'd been right to avoid their crap for years!

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Amazon patents caches for physical goods

DJV
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Happy

Prior art

See any Road Runner cartoon where Wile E Coyote orders something from the Acme company and has it delivered within 10 seconds.

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Tales from an expert witness: Prior art and patent trolls

DJV
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Facepalm

Patient Trolls

Are those the ones that hide under hospital beds?

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Virgin Media spanked by ad watchdog over 'in your neighbourhood' fibs

DJV
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Facepalm

@NightFox

Ah, they'd probably been using Apple's Map app!

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Murdoch EYEBALLS Twitter with $25m buyout of news aggregator Storyful

DJV
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Agreed! One can only hope!

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Microsoft yanks Surface 2 DIM SCREEN of DEATH fix in update snafu

DJV
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Re: And....

I'm still using a Microsoft Internet Keyboard Pro (about 13 years old). The hand rest is now almost completely smooth. It usually gets ripped to pieces once every 3 or 4 years to extract the shite* that's accumulated under the keys ;)

* Well, not exactly shite, probably more like bits of sandwich, biscuit crumbs and half a ton of cat fur...

That keyboard was obviously one of the few decent things they ever made (unlike Vista, Win 8, ME and a host of other old truck).

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IT bods: Windows XP, we WON'T leave you. Migrate? Chuh! As if...

DJV
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Indeed...

I've still got a Windows 98 PC around just for playing Myst! ;)

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Apple's iPhone plant didn't kill UNDERAGE TEEN factory worker

DJV
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@Oninoshiko

Well, I hope that was the mostly decent 1981 BBC TV version and not the awful 1960s film or the dire 2009 TV remake.

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Firefox reveals new look: rounded rectangles

DJV
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Re: Tabs on bottom...

Classic Theme Restorer

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/classicthemerestorer/

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DJV
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Facepalm

Phew!

It's about time someone took a large mallet and started hitting the Firefox developers around the head with it until they get the message to "STOP FUCKING UP OUR BROWSER!"

However, good news, there's an add-on called Classic Theme Restorer which can restore various "deleted" options including the add-on bar and "Tabs not on top" amongst others.

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/classicthemerestorer/

And, yes, it works fine on Australis!

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BT jabbed by ad watchdog AGAIN over fibre deployment fibs

DJV
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Facepalm

@ Chris Church

Yes, it's a lie. 50% truth ISN'T the truth! Jeez!

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DJV
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Mushroom

Basically...

...sorry we lied today. We won't do it again (until tomorrow).

Bastards.

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Buggy software in need of patching? Hey, we got that right here – Adobe

DJV
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FAIL

Totally agree

They sent me an email the other day telling me to change my password (hadn't realised I still had an account with them - I think I once downloaded Adobe Air to see what it was all about).

I went to their web site and looked for the option to cancel/delete my account - no such thing, of course! You have to speak (well, chat) to someone online who had to put a case through for deleting the account. When he asked why I wanted to delete my account I reminded them of their crap security + the fact that (apart from the occasional use of Flash on some web site - though its usage is on the way out, thank goodness) I don't actually use any of their junk software. Finally, they reluctantly agreed to delete the account.

Tossers!

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KRAKOOM! iPad Air EXPLODES in FIREBALL, terrified fanbois FLEE Apple store

DJV
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Happy

Maybe...

Maybe they should name the next one the iPad Water - it will be able to put its own fires out then.

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How my batch process nightmare was solved by a Wombat

DJV
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OMG!

So many truths in that post. Wish I could upvote you more than just the once.

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The 10 most INHUMAN bosses you'll encounter: A Reg reader's guide

DJV
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Happy

Re: Keep it simple

Know what you mean! However, I am now glad that I am in a very small "company" with a brilliant (ahem) boss - it consists of:

1) Me

End of list.

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DJV
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@Crisp

Ah, thanks - reminds me of this.

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Bucket? Check. Toilet plunger? Check. El Reg's 50 years of Doctor Who

DJV
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FAIL

"So worried were the Beeb by its viewers’ potential inability to process more than one televisual event they re-broadcast the pilot."

I was always under the impression the BBC had been deluged by requests to repeat it as so many people had missed it.

"Then the BBC ended the Doctor’s run in 1996"

Nope, they ended it in 1989 - 1996 was the "movie" that they hoped would result in a new series.

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ROBOT PODS to INVADE Milton Keynes in frenzied automatic MAYHEM

DJV
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I can't wait for Jeremy Clarkson to test drive one on Top Gear!

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How to spot a coders comment

DJV
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Unhappy

Most informative comment

The "most informative" comment I ever saw was on a non-trivial piece of Perl. Most of the code was undecipherable in the first place, but the most complex part was blessed with a single comment (the only one in the whole script) that simply read:

# This is a skanky hack!

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Oracle brass past and present tapped for Microsoft CEO - report

DJV
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Happy

I wonder...

Did their chair throwing abilities get tested?

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Best Buy: Bring us your cowering, unwanted Microsoft Surface masses

DJV
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Joke

"unwanted first-edition Surface RT"

That will be all of them, then.

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Microsoft: We're nearly OUT OF STOCK of Surface 2 and Pro 2

DJV
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Happy

So...

How many did they actually make then? Did it reach as far as double figures?

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Snowden's email provider gave crypto keys to FBI – on paper printouts

DJV
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Black Helicopters

Rand Paul

Blimey, I didn't think an intelligent Republican actually existed! Good for him (though I suspect he accidentally joined the wrong party).

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French data cops to Google: RIGHT, you had your chance. PUNISHMENT time

DJV
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Well, at least the popcorn sellers should do well out of all this!

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Fondling slabs during takeoff WON'T end in a fireball of death - report

DJV
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Happy

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1997-09-10/

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Google's latest PRIVACY MELTDOWN: Web chats sent to WRONG people

DJV
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Re: Not Surprised

Ah, I see what you did there - upvoted - pretty good as the DAB article was the one I'd just read prior to this.

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Shopping list for Tesco: Eggs, milk, bread, tablets (the £60 7in Android kind)

DJV
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Meh

I just wonder...

...if the OS will be stuck at 4.2 forever or if it will actually get updates to 4.3, 4.4 etc.

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Douglas Adams was RIGHT! TINY ALIENS are invading Earth, say boffins

DJV
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Alien

Now...

...if they can be found at 42km above the earth then the boffins would definitely be right.

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