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* Posts by DJV

437 posts • joined 4 Aug 2009

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Astronomers scramble for obs on new comet

DJV
FAIL

Re: Java

And, double yuck, you need to jump through several hoops to get the damn thing to display its non-aliased blocky mess! Having done so, I assure you it's not worth the effort!

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Multiple user accounts coming to Android phones 'n' slabs

DJV
Thumb Down

Maybe you should learn to use the "Tips and Corrections" link under the article, instead! Anyway, that typo is in a quote from another source over which the Register has no control.

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Khronos unveils OpenGL 4.5, broadens OpenCL 2.0 language support

DJV
Unhappy

Re: Silicon Graphics

They did try to ring them but couldn't get through as, apparently, their phone bill hasn't been paid since 2009.

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IBM boffins stuff 16 million-neuron chips into binary 'frog' brain

DJV

@psyq

He did model a cat brain - as soon as it was turned on it did what cats normally do, and went to sleep.

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Why do Reg readers deserve the big bucks? Here's why...

DJV
Facepalm

Agreed! It's even worse than the redecoration of a video rental room at a place I once worked. The room was redone in bright red and orange colours - the 2 lads running it had headaches after a couple of hours.

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Brit kids match 45-year-old fogies' tech skill level by the age of 6

DJV

@ Swarthy

Yeah, but suppose you don't like it and want to change your mind?

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DJV

Re: Brain Overload

Regarding number 1 - you are Homer Simpson!

Homer: Oh... and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?

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Kiwi satellite earth station recycled – as radio telescope

DJV
Thumb Up

Excellent!

I'm now waiting for Jodrell Bank to come up for offer on Freecycle!

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Microsoft: IE11 for Windows Phone 8.1 is TOO GOOD. So we'll cripple it like Safari

DJV
Facepalm

MS crippling IE

Well, they're certainly experts at that - been doing it for years!

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Brits STUNG for up to £625 when they try to cancel broadband

DJV

Please

Name and shame!

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What's that? A PHP SPECIFICATION? Surely you're joking, Facebook

DJV
Facepalm

@Robert Long 1

"creating a fucking file"

Er yes, Java - millions of ways of creating and accessing files, not one of which does exactly what you need it to do!

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YES, iPhones ARE getting slower with each new release of iOS

DJV
Alert

"No one does, in fact, optimise code."

Speak fer yerself!

My personal code library (used on the web sites I build) has been refined many times over the years to cut unnecessary code, and to make it faster and more efficient!

Maybe I'm just weird!

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Just TWO climate committee MPs contradict IPCC: The two with SCIENCE degrees

DJV
Unhappy

@Pete 2

"What is really happening is that the government has identified a "thing" that the general public believe in and that they believe it is a bad thing -- one that should be stopped."

I have identified a "thing". It is called the government and, over recent studies, I have determined that it is definitely a bad thing. Question is - can it be stopped?

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Hi-tech Fagin couple used Apple scam cash to fly pickpockets to UK

DJV
Thumb Up

Suitable punishment:

Off with the goolies!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04clpd7h0b0

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Child diagnosed as allergic to iPad

DJV
Devil

Re: RE: Stainless Steel watch backs

Sounds a bit like a guy I once worked with in a piano repair workshop. Any tool (screwdriver, pliers etc.) he used would be covered in something resembling rust within a few days!

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ISPs 'blindsided' by UK.gov's 'emergency' data retention and investigation powers law

DJV
Thumb Down

So what is the point?

Of Cameron and his cronies?

Not a damn jot!

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Get ready for LAYOFFS: Nadella's coma-inducing memo, with subtitles

DJV

"We help people get stuff done."

"We hinder people when they're trying to get stuff done."

FTFY

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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

DJV
Meh

Re: But these are actually intelligent people ....

At one place I worked we (the programmers) instigated the use of fault sheets where other members of staff could report problems with the programs we were writing. The fault sheets contained boxes to specify which program it was, which screen/page of that program and a large box to describe what the fault was. I remember one coming in with neither of the first 2 filled in and, in the third large box, was written "Funny on screen" - magic!

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Farewell Felix Dennis, deal-maker supreme of tech publishing

DJV
Thumb Up

Anybody remember Soft?

Yes, and I still possess the copies that I managed to buy! Not quite the full run as I'm missing the Feb 1984 edition and anything that appeared after the March 84 edition.

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Daddy, what will you do in the new security wars?

DJV

Re: HELP

Didn't you write it down on a post-it note? Yeah, it's probably that one stuck to the side of the monitor with your other passwords and bank details. You know, the one in plain sight from the window.

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Verizon threatens Netflix in video lag blame game

DJV
Thumb Up

Fantastic...

Must buy popcorn and get a good ringside seat for the fight!

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TrueCrypt hooked to life support in Switzerland: 'It must not die' say pair

DJV
Meh

Re: CryptTrue

Or chuck it through an anagram generator and get:

Crept Yurt

Cry Putter

Pretty Urk

Ok, so maybe not!

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Microsoft's NEW OS now runs on HALF of ALL desktop PCs

DJV
Meh

A direct link to the stats would have been nice...

Here you go

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Gee thanks, Ofcom! BT 'pleased' to hang onto pricing 'freedom' for Openreach fibre product

DJV
Unhappy

Sigh

Ofcom = gutless, roll-over-and-die weed

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Job for IT generalist ...

DJV
Happy

Interesting...

It's interesting how things have changed.

In 1998 I applied for a Java programming job at a "sunrise" company who were building a subscription-based educational web site. In addition to Java (which I had only been playing with for a week or so) my CV mentioned my other skills in C, Pascal, HTML, JavaScript, assembler (on several CPUs), Unix, BTOS/CTOS (yeah, go look them up!), Windows NT and several others. I didn't get the Java job as they looked at what I could do, and instead created and offered me a "Senior Programmer" post instead!

Maybe I was just in the right place at the right time.

DJV

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Cloud computing is FAIL and here’s why

DJV
Thumb Up

Agree

"Cloud computing is shite. It takes over everything you’ve got, then farts in your face and runs away giggling."

Couldn't have put it better! I wouldn't trust any of them with my data. I am paranoid when it comes to backups (having been bitten in the past). The irreplaceable stuff is backed up in 6 different places, one of which is not under my roof!

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Quick Q: How many FLOPPIES do I need for 16 MILLION image files?

DJV

Re: 16-page document I was working on last night won’t fit onto a floppy

Still got some 5.25" floppies around somewhere along with some PetSoft Commodore PET programs on CASSETTE - Lunar Lander, Star Trek 3D amongst others! Not got any punched cards, though...

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Vinyl-fetish hipsters might just have a point

DJV
Thumb Up

Re: But, but...

Dunno about DRM, but back in the 70s I almost convinced a (hard of thinking) work colleague that if you looked extremely closely at the grooves you could see the lyrics. Well, how else would the singer know which words to sing?

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NHS patient data storm: Govt lords SLAP DOWN privacy protections

DJV
Facepalm

Twats!

That is all

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Google Glass teardown puts rock-bottom price on hardware

DJV

I'm waiting...

...for the ifixit.com breakdown for a comparison!

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10 PRINT "Happy 50th Birthday, BASIC" : GOTO 10

DJV
Happy

Re: My first program

Some tricks for shop computers I used to employ were:

1) A POKE to the VIC-20 video chip to change the screen width from 22 columns to 23 or 21. This would cause anything on the subsequent lines to be offset left or right by one extra character each line. Really annoying for the shop assistants who couldn't figure out why their program listings were going diagonally down the screen.

2) Running a simple loop to copy the CBM-64 ROM into the underlying RAM, a POKE or two to keep it there, then a few more POKEs to change the SYNTAX ERROR text (now in RAM) to something far less pleasant. Then I'd stand back to watch kids (usually) cause an error and ask their unsuspecting parent what that meant!

3) Enter a short program into a Spectrum that changed the screen to 2 shades of blue, print "COMMODORE 64 BASIC V2", "64K RAM SYSTEM 38911 BYTES FREE" and "READY" with a loop to flash a cursor. That got lots of people confused! I once even convinced someone that a Spectrum had had a CBM-64 ROM installed in it by mistake!

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Google adds a sense of history to Street View with archive footage

DJV
Meh

Fuzz!

They've also re-run the algorithm that fuzzes out car number plates and faces. It's managed to completely obscure my number plate on the 2008 photo (originally one letter could just be made out), several bricks on the wall beside my front door (nowhere near the house number) and a bit of the tree in the neighbour across the road's garden! It HASN'T however, fuzzed out the face of one my cats sitting on the doorstep - maybe it decided the cat's face was fuzzy enough!

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Murdoch says Microsoft needs 'big clean out'

DJV
Happy
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BuzzGasm: 9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About PLIERS!

DJV

Learn about Microsoft Cloud OS

DJV
Thumb Down

Learn about Microsoft Cloud OS

I'd rather not!

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Worlds that could support LIFE found among 715 new planets

DJV
Facepalm

Re: Gravity?

Nurse, the tablets, QUICKLY!

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Samsung flings sueball at Dyson for 'intolerable' IP copycat claim

DJV

Yeah, but if it had been £ or $ then el Reg would have spelt it BEEELLION!

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Steelie Neelie: ICANN think of more 'credible' rules for internet. (Cough *NSA* cough)

DJV
FAIL

Re: Old Neelie is good for a laugh!

There, there Matt

You go and have a nice lie down and leave the rest of us to read the article properly and come to more logical conclusions.

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Jean Michel Jarre: Je voudrais un MUSIC TAX sur VOTRE MOBE

DJV
Facepalm

a gadget that doesn’t play music isn’t worth very much

Hmm, many of my gadgets - e.g. printer, screens, electric drill, multimeter, kettle - don't play music. As they are now almost completely worthless, I'd better throw them away. Thanks for the advice, JMJ!

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Do you wear specs? Google Glass offers YOU amazing live HD video

DJV
Thumb Down

We want as many people as possible to wear it

Yeah, I bet they bloody do!

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Android VPN redirect vuln now spotted lurking in Kitkat 4.4

DJV
Mushroom

Indeed, and it's why many programmers like me were shitting themselves in the 1980s when Ronald Reagan's "Star Wars" system was proposed. That's the one that was going to require millions of lines of computer code that had to work properly the first time an invading missile was detected coming over the horizon (and not go bananas when a pigeon shat on a detector).

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Sony on the ropes after Moody's downgrade to junk

DJV

@ CaptainHook

Agreed. I deliberately haven't bought anything Sony-related since then. Yes, they should learn that customers have long memories.

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NASA's Opportunity rover celebrates 10 years on Mars with a FILTHY selfie

DJV
Happy

Re: Where's the obligatory post to 695?

Here you go: http://xkcd.com/695/

You could have done it yourself, you know!

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Walking while texting can – OUCH! – end badly, say boffins

DJV

Less often nowadays. I think the WWF has put them on the endangered list.

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UK.gov recruiting 400 crack CompSci experts to go into teaching

DJV
Thumb Down

Re: By Gove! I think he's got it!

Yeah, but, remember, this is Michael Gove you are talking about. Most teachers hate him and the crap he normally spits out. He just got lucky this time around when pulling random ideas out of a hat (though I'm sure he'll find some way of cocking the whole thing up before too long).

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Bing Maps COCKUP: Oracle UK HQ is 'Elvis Impersonators' joint

DJV
Joke

Mislabelling

They also mislabelled Windows 8 as an operating system...

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And the winner of the most reliable disk drive award is ...

DJV
FAIL

Seagate

I knew I'd been right to avoid their crap for years!

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Amazon patents caches for physical goods

DJV
Happy

Prior art

See any Road Runner cartoon where Wile E Coyote orders something from the Acme company and has it delivered within 10 seconds.

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Tales from an expert witness: Prior art and patent trolls

DJV
Facepalm

Patient Trolls

Are those the ones that hide under hospital beds?

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Virgin Media spanked by ad watchdog over 'in your neighbourhood' fibs

DJV
Facepalm

@NightFox

Ah, they'd probably been using Apple's Map app!

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