* Posts by Select * From Handle

192 publicly visible posts • joined 31 Jul 2009

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Drop that can of sweet pop and grab a coffee - for your sanity's sake

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Unhappy

Dammit...

I have been quaffing Canderel sweetener in my tea since el Reg posted an article that coffee/tea in the work place is the main reason for IT staff being fat... i don't want to be FAT! But i don't want to lose my sanity either! :( Rock/Hardplace

The Register Comments Guidelines

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Thumb Up

Re: No trolling

HAHAHA that made my day.

Sony PS3 extends lead over Microsoft's Xbox 360 by a cool million

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Re: Kinnect

sony has iToy and probably a few since that harry potter book of spells thing requires one for augmented reality...

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Megaphone

Dear Microsoft

Announce the 720 make sure it has a Blue Ray drive and Free Internet and i will happily buy one.

- PS3 user that is looking for a change...

Ten affordable mid-sized Full HD monitors

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i have 2 BenQ XL2420T

They are amazing....the title of this post though is balls... Firstly "Full HD" 1920×1080 monitors for a start have been around for ages. . Secondly "AFFORDABLE" ? really? my BenQ monitors Burnt a huge hole in my wallet and social life (as i couldn't spend money for months). "Affordable" should be changed to "desirable". Lastly "MID-SIZED" my two BenQ monitors take up an entire work desk THEY ARE HUGE!

Try this title:

10 big ass desirable monitors to make you wet, but ultimately you should get the BenQ 1's because the colours are so vibrant that they will burn your eyes out! The rest of the extras (2ms, 120hz, hdmi sockets) are just a bonus!

Subtitle:

Your wallet will hurt..!!

Mega-res telly demand to boom, say ball-gazers

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while 79inch 4kx2k screen would be nice if you wanted to view it from across the street...

i would be more interested if they made 42inch screen have a higher DPI for a sharper image tbh...

Google wriggles out of FTC search smackdown. Now to Europe!

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Google biasing search results...

They could bias the results but its probably more like Google know their search algorithms inside out and how Google bots crawl websites giving them a better advantage of showing up in key word search results...

Satnav-murdering Google slips its Maps into car dashboards

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Facepalm

Drove a Hyundai i40 recently...

and i thought the sat nav was really good!

I don't see why they would change it to Google maps. surely loading maps on the fly is going to be a downgrade, what if you lose signal...

The latest tech firm to be accused of tax dodging: Microsoft

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Unhappy

Why has no one posted a "Microsoft Tax" joke yet....

Yes i can't think of one either but its all setup for a "Tax the Microsoft Tax" type joke.

Windows 8 fails to revive world CPU biz

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Vista needed an awesome PC to run it. But now.....

Vista needed an awesome PC to run it I.E... 2-3ghz quad core and at least 2-4gig ram. Now that the OS is fixed so it is fast on older hardware (i.e. Single core 1.8ghz pentium with 1-2gig ram), why would people upgrade the hardware when they can just buy windows 8 upgrade for £40? I can only see gamer's or enthusiasts upgrading hardware...

Design guru: Windows 8 is 'a monster' and 'a tortured soul'

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Devil

Re: .....

45 down votes, Troll complete! :D

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Trollface

.....

"Microsoft's Live Tiles have "backfired" with "hyper-energised" tiles that have far too much going on, according to Nielsen."

Fanboi alert.

Apple said to have let the name of the next OS X cat out of the bag

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Trollface

Inc Lawsuits against the underarm smelly company.

Lawsuits include:

Lynx - Africa

Lynx - 2012 Final Addition

Lynx - Dark Temptations

and 12 other fragrances just for infringing patent 101 - Your name R belongs to us...

Windows Phone 8 reboot woe causes outpouring of forum misery

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Facepalm

Reg Readers these days...

Simbu you post an opinion based on your experiences stating you haven't had this problem at all and your phone has been fine and you get down voted. i think the Fanbois are out in force to discredit all opposition to iOS...

Surface sales 'modest' so far, Ballmer modestly admits

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Surface Sales may be crap because

Like i, People might be waiting for Surface with Windows 8 Pro to come out as that will be a really small table/laptop. But if the Windows 8 Pro version costs more it might be a deal breaker for me.

A bitter spill to swallow, or 'how to smeg up your keyboard'

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Anyone else..?

Now want to wash their keyboard in the dishwasher?

GPU-powered Chrome lets you watch YouTube longer

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FAIL

Re: Power consumption - No its not.... i just ran the tests...

i got the latest version of opera and made sure i had the latest chrome and ran all those tests u linked... these are my results.

http://test262.ecmascript.org - Both passed the ch07 tests fully

http://acid3.acidtests.org - Both got 100/100

http://html5test.com/ - Chrome =434 - Opera= 404 (419 when hardware acceleration enabled)

Hardware acceleration is disabled by default as well, which unless you know about it and can be bothered to Google how to turn it on (as it isn't in settings>prefs) makes it a Fail for me...

are you sure you are looking at Opera when you compare the results...?

Ten... Apple iPad Mini alternatives

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Trollface

No iPod touch?

:D

Slideshow: A History of First-person Shooters in 20 Games

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Alien

What.... no South Park on the N64

It was awesome multiplier, i mean you could throw yellow snow at each other and launch a cow to land on peoples heads. im sure their was some alien probing to... classic...

So you want an office of Apple Macs - here's a survival guide

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I would try Apple in a call center, hot desk environment if...

if... Apple server created its own active directory style environment and group policy which supported centralised roaming profiles which could work side by side a Microsoft Domain. But until then its a flat out no for me...

EE 4G LTE review

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Thumb Down

For 4g those speed suck....

I have a Samsung GS3 on Three network with all you can eat data i just did a speed test 60ms ping 12342kbps (12meg)download and 4203kbs (4meg)upload. i think i was expecting speeds closer to 50meg fiber from 4g...

N00bs vs Windows 8: We lock six people in a room with new OS

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Re: OSX Users vs Windows 8 more like.

But the Windows key in Windows 8 is the main key you will be using... like the single buttons on most smart phones these days, the windows key takes you back the main menu (metro ui). which kinda makes it vital for showing new users how you would expect them to use the new Windows 8. its kinda the same as giving someone a new ipad mini to test but taking away the round button...

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FAIL

OSX Users vs Windows 8 more like.

A. This test was dun on a MAC! with no windows key...

B. Everyone who tested it was from what i can gather, a MAC user...

C. This article was written buy a Mac fanboi...

Conclusion, cant believe how much the word MAC and OSX appeared in an article about First impressions on windows 8...

EC: Microsoft didn't honour browser-choice commitment

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Thumb Up

Re: browser choice?

I personally think this should be forced on all OS's or none at all... that includes iOS(full browsers, not safari re skinned) OSX, android, and all linux distro's.... but i somehow don't think this will happen.

Protestors target Google over that video

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Thumb Up

Re: That attitude, protestors said, mean we have entered an "age of mockery".

Someone needs to teach these religious folk the good old saying of "sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me..."

Samsung shoots Galaxy S III with shrink ray, unveils 4in Mini

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Thumb Up

I love this...

Samsung clearly made the 4inch version just so that they can label the equivalent apple phone "mini". These days size matters! My love length is 4.8" oh yours is only 4" lol it must be mini...

Marketing via products good idea Samsung, we will see how this fairs... *gets popcorn ready*

Facebook's CHAIR sat on by 1 billion people ... bitch

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Thumb Down

Re: 1 trillion "likes" by 1 billion "users"

thats not such a bad statistic... i have over 600 pages liked and i have liked countless articles/posts... i would think i have likes closer to 10k things over the years... But still do i care? no... what exactly can they do with my data of 100 likes of gangnam memes over the last month?... confirm that i like gangnam style?

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From what i read on BBC...

It is 1 billion accounts that logged in, within a month. But their could be a lot of fake account that have logged in also...

Guild Wars 2 game review

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Thumb Down

Re: Hmmm

You obviously haven't played this game... the main content of the game isn't a grind its fun(trying to complete each map) and so is the storyline stuff. But as soon as you get to end game, it IS A GRIND. Want Globs for exotic items? u farm orr... Want the cool looking fire armor you farm COF... They have now made the GRIND worse by putting diminishing returns on grinding events/instances and the magic find skill, to stop people from doing it. Making the grind now last weeks...

The end game is almost as much of a grind as vanilla wow. the only thing that makes the game worth playing is WvWvW...

Facebook's latest brain wave: Flogging REAL fluffy tat

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I might be wrong but

Im sure i read that Facebook was going to become a Netflix/Lovefilm rival like a year or 2 ago... Offering films and music that you can purcase with FB coins... what happend?

Apple weekend iPhone 5 sales miss forecasts

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Re: analysts BS

Search online for SGS3 Pre orders which from what i could google was 9 million. a little more than the 5 million in 72 hours (thats if that figure includes pre orders)

All i see is the usual apple hype (OMG we sold out again, Damn) that makes people go gaga for the iPhone.

Apple iPhone 5 review

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Trollface

Where is the Meme icon for

kill yourself...

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/kill-yourselfkill-yourselves

Ding dong, the Ping is dead! Apple brings in Facebook for iTunes

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Is their going to be an option in FB...

To turn off people iTunes recommendations? (Assuming that their will be a "joe bloggs likes Rihanna on iTunes click here to buy now" crap spamming updates feed.)

Ten iPhone 5 challengers

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Shouldn't the title for this be...

Something along the lines of "10 Samsung GS3 challengers or HTC challengers" (what ever was released first) as Apple is late to the party and the iPhone 5 is a catch up phone as they have almost no innovation (compaired to what has already been released this year) in this model ...

There is life after the death of Microsoft’s Windows 8 Start button

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My main gripe with Metro/Modern UI

Ok the lack of start menu is a bit anoying at first, but i did get used to it and i do love how fast Win 8 is, but.... the modern Ui/metro start menu is horrid. i loved the win7 start menu, not because it was what i am used to but because it didn't in-peed my view of my HD backgrounds... the aero affects also made your own personal backgrounds more erm.. personal as your bars are more see through.. i HATE having to look at the metro when i press the windows key why microsoft only lets u have a few designs and colors i don't know... i think i would like it better if i could customize metro more. Also remove that swipe screen upwards to unlock, it fails for desktops.

First Irish-speaking virus holds bloke's computer to ransom

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Go

Póg mo thóin!

Póg mo thóin! = Kiss my ass. WIN :D

Ballmer predicts 400 MILLION Win 8 Surface and Lumia fumblers

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Maybe.

I for one think that windows 8 on tablet will be great and i will be buying a Surface this year. But after testing windows 8 i will not be buying it for my desktop... EWWWW >_<

You'll be on a list 3 hrs after you start downloading from pirates - study

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Not hard to get around...

"The monitors we detected don't actually collect any parts of the file from the alleged uploader, therefore the evidence of illegal file sharing collected by monitors may not stand up in court,"

Encrypt your storage and then tell them, (i was just downloading legal torrents, distributions of linux and what not)

If they ask you for a password to your storage say "no its got all my personal information in their, like homemade porno's, some sexy pics of my wife and a load of my passwords in files. im not letting you see that.." or "shit i forgot it..."

Apple confirms 'surprise' September 12 event

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FAIL

Re: Ohhhh...

" I hope there's some good updates for iOS and some innovative (rather than incremental) refresh designs for the iMacs and the iPhone."

LOL!

You mean like

1. Sending multiple picture to multiple contacts at the same time?

2. Send to voicemail reply with message like "im driving"?

3. A personal assistant that actually works?

Yeah Samsung already has these features....

Report: Nokia to join Qi party with wireless-charging Lumia 920

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Trollface

So....

Apple just need to add wireless charging to their iPhone 5. Patent it and then sue Samsung and now Nokia...

Troll face for obvious reasons.

Bruce Willis didn't Buy Hard: His girls can't inherit his iTunes

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Trollface

That moment when....

You find out that iTunes has you by the balls and is a money printing machine.

GL Mr Willis...

Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

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Thumb Up

Was playing this last week.

My review is, yes at first it looks all new. But infact after a few maps it still has the same mechanics as source prolly more closer to 1.6. the molotovs are a nice edition. i think its a good game but when i play it i am looking at it thinking "this is just a CS graphics update" no new maps. But my fav quote i heard in game chat is "its worth a tenner though" which it most definitely is!

Ten movies inspired by video games

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No Dead or Alive?

Tbh i was not a fan of the games and the film was shit, but some of my friends rated DOA. would have thought it be on that list tbh.

"With such bad form, it's little surprise Blizzard laughed away Boll's approach to direct the upcoming World of Warcraft film."

Do Blizzard really need to bring in outside directors? Their cut scene work in D3 was mind blowingly good, even though the game sucked. They should be able to make an unbelievably pretty Warcraft film, the story line is already written so surly for them they just need to create the graphics.

YouTube app wrenched from next Apple iPhones, iPads

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Facepalm

Re: i think this will hurt apple alot.

Through safari Lawwwwl... Thats adding aleast 4-5 taps of the screen if they have m.youtube.com bookmarked.... if not enjoy typing youtube into search... :D

Web apps usually appear slower than local apps. As soon as you are in an area where you have poor signal nothing will be on your screen... Genius...

YouTube should put a price tag on their app for iPhone it will change the market considerably.

'One of the main things that first got my attention with iPhones was the fact that it could play Youtube on the move! <---- i forgot to mention this was when the first iPhone came out as most phones these days come with some sort of YouTube app...

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FAIL

i think this will hurt apple alot.

One of the main things that first got my attention with iPhones was the fact that it could play Youtube on the move! i never did buy an iphone and i am now glad. TBH i think all google need to do is slap a £9 price tag on a youtube app for iphone, change the website so if it detects safari browser to turn them to the app store and fanbois may flock to android. how will the cool kids show everyone the latest trending vids? Google may even profit from this...

Star Trek's Wesley Crusher blasts Google+ landgrab

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Thumb Down

Wil Wheaton, Douch...

Not a raging fan of StarTrek and i think Wil Wheaton is a Douch on TBBT.

STUNNING NEW APPLE DEVICES that will follow the iPad 3 HD!

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Thumb Up

lol this maybe a joke article but you mean a laptop right? what happens when people start getting sore fingers from hitting the bottom touch screen all day? maybe a keyboard? that sounds like a great idea!

Quote

"The engineers went back to work, and swiftly came up with a new concept in which part of the touchscreen would be positioned near-vertically in front of the user and another, used primarily for text entry"

/quote

Workers can't escape Windows 8 Metro - Microsoft COO

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FAIL

Erm to all the people like "NOOOOOOOOO! don't take away multiple windows!"

Isn't the article talking about windows 8 in Tablet mode?

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