* Posts by hplasm

3921 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

NSA boss reveals top 3 security nightmares that keep him awake at night

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Eh?

Arrg! Cyber!!

Kill it with fire!!

What is wrong with these people...?

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SpaceX Falcon 9 set for fourth launch attempt

hplasm
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Coat

Re: The last one landed vertically

And if the vertical landing legs work as planned.

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SCO vs. IBM looks like it's over for good

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I'll believe it when ...

I can take a dump on SCO's gravestone, and then piss on the grave."

Are you ready to queue?

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Barking spider prompts Spanish clan shoot-out

hplasm
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Happy

Roma aroma!

It inflames the gypsy blood.

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Don't take a Leaf out of this book: Nissan electric car app has ZERO authentication

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Don't put microcomputers into cars...

"A very, very, small horse?"

Have ypu seen the size of the flagella on that...!

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Gosh, what a huge shock: Ofcom shies away from BT Openreach split, calls for reform

hplasm
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Meh

BT had better get ready-

for a savage gumming!

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Reminder: How to get a grip on your files, data that Windows 10 phones home to Microsoft

hplasm
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Devil

"." They're beta testers. Everything is necessary."

Windows 10 has reached beta?

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Lonely bloke in chem suit fuels Mars orbiter

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I never painted a boat but my looks ain't so good ...

Perhaps a nice coat of paint...?

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Cameron co-opts UK mobile industry for EU Remain campaign

hplasm
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Happy

Re: David Cameron...

Have you been away? On the moon?

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Bill Gates denies iPhone crack demand would set precedent

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Bill Gates.

Knows little about phones, and even less about security.

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NASA's Orion: 100,000 parts riding 8 million pounds of thrust

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: The march of technology...

"thrust... comparable to that of the Saturn V"

And that only with strapping those dangerous fireworks to it as well.

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Intel shows budget Android phone powering big-screen Linux

hplasm
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Happy

"The concept is broadly similar to Microsoft's Continuum for Windows 10 Mobile..."

Except it exists, and apparently works.

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'Kalamazoo killer' gave Uber rides in between shooting six dead

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: @Alister

"It would seem he is a man with mental health problems..."

Sounds like a terrist to me!

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: @Alister

"The reason why he's not a terrorist is that..."

the media haven't called him one.

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NASA boffin wants FRIKKIN LASERS to propel lightsails

hplasm
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Re: Would them there lasers be shark mounted ?

"...what happens when they unionise ?"

They lose their overall charge.

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Black Monday: Office 365 down and out in Europe

hplasm
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Facepalm

Office 365 outage?

Not really news any more, is it?

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HP Inc Elite X3: Windows 10 phablet for enterprise-y types

hplasm
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Meh

Greybeards be waitin' 'cos Windows be rollin'...

...downhill fast!

FTFY

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Linux Mint forums hacked: All users urged to reset passwords

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re:Surely Mint is nubs standing on the ghost of Windows?

Windows is dead?

Rejoice!

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What we all really need is an SD card for our cars. Thanks, SanDisk

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Monster cables for cars

"But hey, if people *think*..."

Aye, there's the rub!

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Facebook sniffs at slow telcos, launches own Telecom Infrastructure Project

hplasm
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Happy

Facebook saves the world!

1. Zuck buys BT

2. Zuck closes BT down

3. Zuck unrolls fibre everywhere

4. PROFIT!

He has lots of cash, but few friends...

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Linux Mint hacked: Malware-infected ISOs linked from official site

hplasm
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Gimp

And yet you'd doubtless have laughed your tackle off if this had been Windows...

Jokes are for laughing at.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: compromised

"'Tis a Shame Keith, that you don't know a compromised website from your compromised MS Windows PC."

Duh- Is that the big 'e'?

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: With success, comes malware..

"IIRC it took a week for a search for Code Red on microsoft.com to return anything relevant."

Be fair- it takes more than a week to find anything on microsoft.com. Longer if you use Bing(e).

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hplasm
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Windows

Re: Or...

Windowlickers are restless tonight, sir...

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hplasm
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Meh

The ghost of SCO

Bursts forth one last time just before the credits roll for a final stab at linux...

Smells of a large co, or the adherents thereof, or their acolytes- or some dicks.

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Solution to tech bros' disgust of SF homeless people launched

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Yes, but HOW exactly?

" I would hate to visit the new Apple Campus, only to be greeted by a talking shrub."

That would be a reason (only reason?) to visit!

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hplasm
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FAIL

re:a few bullets would be far cheaper and more permanent

That would make a mess of the board room. Motion Carried!

Oh- you meant for the poor?

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US DoJ files motion to compel Apple to obey FBI iPhone crack order

hplasm
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Devil

Re: AC Here's what you do tim...

And the matt came back, the very next...year.

Must have been an eclipse or something...

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Microsoft patent filing confirms existence of 3D Jedi gesture phone

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: petalium@gmail.com

You have too many phones...

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hplasm
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Meh

Jedi Phone from MS

A Lumia, with a Kinect bolted on top.

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Q: How many guns to arm nine coachloads of terrorists?

hplasm
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"Okay, tonight's movie will be Hot Fuzz."

Oo- I'll have a cornetto, then.

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: So why ...

"Hunters? Given the nature of some the weapons, (an anti-tank missile, and an uzi with a bayonette) that concept brings the Monty Python sketch Mosquito Hunting to mind:"

American squirrel hunters, then.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re:Does this mean there would also be 72 coachloads of virgins?

Only when the first eight sets of 9 coaches arrive at the destination...

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: Standard measure

Rubberdinghy Sithole, the founder of ZANU in Rhodesia?

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The paperless office? Don’t talk sheet

hplasm
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Happy

"I applied for some stuff at the US Embassy a few years ago."

I'm surprised they could scan A4 paper!

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Aussie bloaters gorging on junk food 'each and every day'

hplasm
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Re: 'religious stretching'

Long Pope is Looonnngggg!!

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Your anger is our energy, says Microsoft as it fixes Surface

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: I have Surface Pro 4 and lots of problems

Xrist, what a palaver. Isn't it easier to get a refund and buy something that works out of the box?

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hplasm
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Happy

Windows 10 must be like red bull...

Or a red rag to a bull.

Or a bit of rag.

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hplasm
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Stop

Re: Early adopters ....

"...this once fine organisation...."

Steady on now.

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Brits unveil 'revolutionary' hydrogen-powered car

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but...

It looks a bit futury- in a '70s way.

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Oz town suffers hairy panic attack

hplasm
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Happy

"...Donald Trump intends to expel Salsola tragus from the United States..."

He wants to get rid of weed. Check.

It's Russian, hence foreign. Check.

Is this the part of Russia Sarah Palin can see from her house, or is the tumbleweed the one in her head?

</slightlyTenuousConnections>

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China wants to bring home moon rocks in moon vacuum

hplasm
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Happy

Re: How do they get the vacuum in there?

"...What will be a bit more difficult is preparing the vacuum examination chamber, "

Naw- fill an extra bag with moon vacuum...

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hplasm
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Joke

So-

Dad, what happens if I try to breathe in a vacuum?

You'll Dyson.

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Gigabit duplex DOCSIS 3.1 passes feasibility study, kind of

hplasm
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Happy

The Y axis is time?

Sometimes...

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Azure lost some virtual machine backups for eleven hours

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: 99.99% Availibility.

Send money to: Clown Computing Inc. Now!!! Save $.

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US Dept of Defense to shift 4 million devices onto Windows 10

hplasm
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Terminator

On August 4, 2016, Skynet was launched

At 2:14 a.m., EDT, on August 29, it failed to become self-aware, as it was still running Windows 10.

Batteries not included.

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China 'evacuates' 9,000 around monster radio 'scope

hplasm
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Thumb Up

improbable units calculator

Can we get these added to the Reg Store?

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Microsoft Office 365: You don't need 27 floppies, but there is desktop friction

hplasm
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Re: 2013 / 2016 / 365 for small businesses

" its about as relevant as that giraffe over there."

That's no giraffe...it's a pie chart.

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hplasm
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Re: 2013 / 2016 / 365 for small businesses

You seem to be experiencing some friction- do you want help with that?

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Good news ... and bad news for Skype-using Apple fans and small biz

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Muppets

" MS get it in the rear regardless of what they do..."

And how they do it.

They should try not being shit.

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