* Posts by hplasm

3803 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Russian Pastafarian wins right to bear colander

hplasm
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FAIL

Fighting talk!

" "Pastafarian is not actually a religion. Rather it is a philosophy that mocks religion.""

Replace Pastafarian with any other religion and see what happens.

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No escape: Microsoft injects 'Get Windows 10' nagware into biz PCs

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Perfectly understandable

"Digital interface would be fingers poked in eyes surely"

Not if the digits are tightly packed...

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: Perfectly understandable

"My I make make my fist available to your face?"

Digital Interface!

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: I am not a fucking product.

"but id much rather be blowing stuff up on Just Cause 3."

Cause Windows is a toy OS.

Where's the whiny manchild icon?

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2015 was the Year of the Linux Phone ... Nah, we're messing with you

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: every year is the year of the moped.

You can pull a caravan with your moped?

wow.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Moving on up!

"At the very least we'll be ready for a big push when Microsoft follows Digital into self-inflicted oblivion."

And people mourn Digital going.

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Microsoft wants you, yes you, to write bits of Windows 10. For free

hplasm
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Devil

Re: An opportunity

you mean- ook ook ook ook ook ?

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Learn you Func Prog on five minute quick!

hplasm
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Happy

May I just be the first to say-

EEK!

Thanks.

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NASA photos: Dawn's December deep-dive haul arrives on Earth

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Hmmmm

Dantooine?

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Boozing is unsafe at ‘any level’, thunders chief UK.gov quack

hplasm
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Pint

Aiee!

"it is approximately the same risk that someone has when they do an every day task such as driving a car."

Well, if it ain't safe to have a drink, it ain't safe to go to work. I quit!

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Smartphone hard, dudes, like it’s the end of the world!

hplasm
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"the M25" Definitely one to avoid.

That, according to pterry* IS a particle accelerator- and seeing as it is chock full of knobs, could be called a Large Hardon Collider...

*Good Omens, + Neil Gaiman

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Chinese unleash autonomous airborne taxi

hplasm
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Happy

There we go-

The Future is here, and it is Chinese.

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Apple buys mood sniffer AI firm Emotient. Stop rolling your eyes at me, user

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Just wait... Until your iPhone gets fecal recognition...

"Siri- what is Windows 10?"

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Did North Korea really just detonate a hydrogen bomb? Probably not

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Of course there is the possibility...

Perhaps the Heavy water was damp?

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ISPs: UK.gov should pay full costs of Snooper's Charter hardware

hplasm
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Meh

Perhaps-

Terrrrrsa May could pay for it, and claim it back on expenses?

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GCHQ mass spying will 'cost lives in Britain,' warns ex-NSA tech chief

hplasm
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Big Brother

Looking for Terrorists?

Check your Government.

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Thinking of buying a Surface? Try a modular OLED Thinkpad first

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Has Lenovo given up their spy/adware?

It seems that it does have Win 10.

Make of that what you may.

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SpaceX makes rocket science look easy: Falcon 9 passes tests

hplasm
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Happy

Re: How many times?

" me vomiting whilst a crewmate (or rather, flight attendant) pulls down my trousers and injects a syringe of anti-nausea medication into my buttock."

And people think a vegetarian option on air flights is progress.

How much extra would you pay for this service?

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Aroused Lycra-clad cyclist prompts Manchester cop dragnet

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Perhaps the commentard meant

Tucking into waistband after passing over collar and tying a good old Windsor knot.

Stops the tip curling up, like Dilbert's... tie.

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hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Nips?

To the Moralist, all the human body is disgusting.

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What did we learn today? Microsoft has patented the slider bar

hplasm
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Windows

Re: MSFT Baaaad!

"So MSFT aren't allowed intellectual property rights?"

No, MSFT aren't allowed to own others intellectual property rights. Nor dictate them.

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US Marines kill noisy BigDog robo-mule for blowing their cover

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: mental disconnect

See! Who said the US never won anything?

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After Death Star II blew: Dissecting the tech of Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens

hplasm
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Alien

Technology

Any decent tech capable of interstellar flight should have a usable lifetime measured in thousands of years- alien tech doubly so. Anything less, probably MoD spec'ced...

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Windows 10: What's coming in 2016?

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Onwards to 1B

2016 should see 250 million devices running away from Windows 10

FTFY

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hplasm
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Re: Penguin elite

"There's no argument to be had. systemd is a pile of shit, end of."

No,no,no,no!!!!

systemd is a GIANT pile of shit, end of.

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UK ISP Sky to make smut an opt-in service from 2016

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Whats the problem

Apart from anything else- you are paying the same for half the service- if that.

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Facepalm time: MS Office update wipes custom Word autotext

hplasm
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Coat

Gone!

The last feeble excuse for using Word over OO or LO!

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EU reforms could pave way for smells and noises to be trade-mark protected – expert

hplasm
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Facepalm

Is it too late/early-

- to trademark a grimace for the forthcoming TV series 'Ow! My balls!' ?

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Bigger than Higgs? Boffins see hints of bulbous new Boson

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Bigger than the HIggs:

"The Biggs?"

Red Three standing by!

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Windows' authentication 'flaw' exposed in detail

hplasm
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Devil

"Would now be the correct time to mention Hitler?"

Only if it's Adolf the Red Nosed Reindeer.

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France says 'non' to Wi-Fi and Tor restrictions after terror attack

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Bon!

That is all!

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Rupert Murdoch wants Google and chums to be g-men's backdoor men

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: Dear Rupert ...

DO fuck off in fact.

If you're not part of the solution, then the acid bath is not strong enough.

Please die off and free the press.

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Red Hat clicks with server foe Microsoft on CloudForms

hplasm
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Flame

Shall we start the collection for Red Hat's funeral now?

Extra donations if systemd is buried with them.

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Enraged Brits demand Donald Trump UK ban

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Basically

"ANORAK IS GREAT!"

Tizer is the work of Stan (sic). Weak Lemon Drink is the only true brew!

Splitter!!

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hplasm
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Re: Who Trumped?*

"In the U.S., that would be referred to as "butt trumpet"."

Might I suggest that The Donald should now be referred to as The Butt Trumpet?

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National Crime Agency: Your kid could be a nasty interwebs hacker

hplasm
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Big Brother

Signs for Parents

Is your child not obsessed by 1D? (other flash-in-the-pans are available)

Does your child prefer University Challenge to Strictly?

Has your child expressed a dislike for Windows 10?

Can your child count? In hexadecimal?

If you answered yes or what?? to any or all of these questions, then s/he's probably a danger to the Powers that Be.

Expect a knock at the door citizen- you're all due for ReEd.

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Donald Trump wants Bill Gates to 'close the Internet', Jeff Bezos to pay tax

hplasm
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Re: @ oldtaku

A Trilobite would make a better president...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Duh

Trump resembles manbearpig, at least in the hair region.

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hplasm
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Coat

"God help America."

Well Allah sure won't, now.

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Obama calls out encryption in terror strategy speech

hplasm
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"...Did you know that many of us who are law-abiding citizens would no longer be?"

And that is Darwinism, in the raw.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: The truth is not relevant to politics

"No need for the government to pay anything..."

No need for me to buy anything either. I'd rather do without.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: The truth is not relevant to politics

"Remember: the government has no problems making all of us buy new computers/phones/etc"

Only if they are willing to pay for them- otherwise, no sale. Owning this stuff is not compulsory- yet.

New, compromised shit, doubly so.

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hplasm
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FAIL

Re: Re:Atheism is no more rational and theism.

"Atheism is about a desperate need to believe there is no god"

No- no more than baldness is a belief that hair does not exist. There is no desperation in disinterest.

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hplasm
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Re:Atheism is no more rational and theism.

Sorry, but bollocks.

If you say that, for instance Santa does not exist, this does not mean that you 'belive' santa does not exist.

It just means that, as far as you are concerned, there is no Santa.

Belief does not enter into it. If there are no tomatoes, and, when asked, you say' I believe there are no tomatoes', then there are NO TOMATOES and no amount of coercion will make them appear, just because you used the word 'believe' in the state of tomato existence.

So with gods. Atheists don't NEED them, so don't care. Agnostics are arse-covering at best.

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Bad wind halts space station resupply mission

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Make a wish...

"Also, why did you build your house in the middle of the Pacific?"

Well, it was called Tracey Island. Do you realise what you have done...?

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Beardy Branson bangs birds on Boeing

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Launcherone?

Or Luncherone!

Calzone- in a can!

I can't unsee it now either...

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hplasm
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FAIL

Re: That Guy

And you are- That Guy!

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If it still works six months from now, count yourself lucky

hplasm
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Devil

Either the Surface Pro or my colleague has not been assembled correctly.

Does this cover all Windows products vs users

i.e Microsoft's version of 'You're holding it wrong'

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Manchester 'wins' £10m to test talking bus stops

hplasm
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Happy

IoT Bikes and Bus stops!

Mad for IoT!

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New edition of Windows 10 turns security nightmares into reality

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Show me your thingy

A windows based IoT is easy to spot- it's the one that's as big as a bus.

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