* Posts by hplasm

4146 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Bill Gates cooks up poultry recipe for Africans' paltry existence

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Teching self-help

Maxim 21. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow.

<linky> http://schlockmercenary.wikia.com/wiki/The_Seventy_Maxims_of_Maximally_Effective_Mercenaries

Thanks, Howard!

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Microsoft has created its own FreeBSD image. Repeat. Microsoft has created its own FreeBSD image

hplasm
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Devil

Microsoft announce -

No charge for Windows 10.

Free Blue Screen of Death!

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EU referendum frenzy bazookas online voter registration. It's another #GovtDigiShambles

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Hire Amazon*

"Umm hmmm and how do you get around the government rules that prohibit off-shoring of personal data?"

Same way the Govt usually gets away with it.

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Why everyone* hates Salesforce's Marc Benioff

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Why is Hillary election propaganda being posted here?

"...a more communard approach..."

Jimmy Somerville for President?

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hplasm
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Devil

More Baron Frankensteins-

Fewer robber barons!

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Marauding monkey blacks out Kenya

hplasm
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FAIL

Electric fence?

To keep out a monkey that can trip out a whole hydro plant AND ESCAPE UNSCATHED?

Hahah!!

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Belgian brewery lays 3.2km beer pipeline

hplasm
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Pint

There is a vinegar factory-

next to the JW Lees brewery in Manchester oop North.

There is probably a pipeline between them, but as a non-fan of JWL beer*, I hesitate to say which way the flow goes...

*The bitter is good on chips.

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Welcome to the jumbo: Axl Rose tries to take a bite out of 'Fat Axl' internet meme

hplasm
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Happy

Re: "Having your cake and eating it, Register?"

I think it would be more appropriate to say Axl was having their cake and eating several other people's cakes.

FTFY

Curses- too slow...

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US military tests massive GPS jamming weapon over California

hplasm
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Big Brother

I'm sure the authorities here will blame.. "ya' know.. terrorists".

And they would be right- If they owned up...

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Capitalize 'Internet'? AP says no – Vint Cerf says yes

hplasm
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Coat

Travelling Wave Amplifier Tube was changed to Travelling Wave Tube Amplifier for some reason.

Which TWTA decided to do that?

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Computerised stock management? Nah, let’s use walkie-talkies

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Feet like flippers?

+1 For longest post ever.

Did read.

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UK Home Office is creating mega database by stitching together ALL its gov records

hplasm
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Big Brother

"I wonder how many degrees of separation there are between any of us and a known terrorist ?"

If this goes ahead, expect the number to steadily decrease down to civil unrest.

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UK Home Sec makes concessions to please Snoopers' Charter opposition

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Why would anyone ...

trust this obnoxious Berkshire from Hurst, Berkshire?

FTFY

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FAA to test Brit drone-busting kit

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: Phalanx

"No, I don't believe you can have overkill, why do you ask?"

Maxim 37: There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload'.

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'Windows 10 nagware: You can't click X. Make a date OR ELSE'

hplasm
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Linux

Re: Then again...

"Why NOT just reject the upgrade and get all the manifest benefits of a modern OS? Install Linux now!"

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Samsung: Don't install Windows 10. REALLY

hplasm
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Gimp

But surely it's easier to whinge on forums than spend 20 dollars to fix the issue.

Even 'free' Windows needs even more money throwing at it to make it work, then?

Sad.

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Jaxa's litany of errors spun Hitomi to pieces

hplasm
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FAIL

So-

Even if it hadn't broken up, it was already broken?

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Microsoft warns of worm ransomware, finds fix in Windows 10 upgrade

hplasm
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Meh

How very...

...convenient.

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Systemd kills Deb processes

hplasm
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Holmes

I haven't noticed this yet-

Oh wait, I moved to Devuan...

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Surface Book nightmare: Microsoft won't fix 'Sleep of Death' bug

hplasm
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Devil

Re: BIOS

Do MS do the BIOS, too?

Oh yes...

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Feds raid dental flaws dad

hplasm
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Big Brother

FBI

Federal Bureau of Intimidation.

Bloody Stasi wannabes.

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Microsoft won't back down from Windows 10 nagware 'trick'

hplasm
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Joke

Re: the craziest thing about it is

"We would be praising them."

Who you calling 'we' paleface? </Tonto>

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: From Microsoft dialog boxes UI guidelines....

"It can't be an enjoyable department to work in."

Why shouldn't they suffer too?

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Upgrade losses

"I've moved several ex-friends to Win10 on purpose..."

FTFY...

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hplasm
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Facepalm

MS couldn't even jump the shark properly-

without getting eaten.

And people still give them money.

Enablers.

I know winX is free. So is the clap- but easier to avoid.

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US nuke arsenal runs on 1970s IBM 'puter waving 8-inch floppies

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: well...

Don't forget the half-dozen or so HP(?) programmable calculators velcro'ed onto the dashboard to show the next AOS* for the approaching ground stations when orbiting.

* Aquisition of Signal- when the next Big Dish comes up over the horizon and can be used.

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Microsoft's Windows Phone folly costs it another billion dollars

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Surely some sort of confusion?

Non-working props? I suppose they count as 'market share'.

And have more apps...

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hplasm
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FAIL

Re: It's a shame

"Yep. Windows 10 Mobile is Betamax to Android's VHS."

Haha. Betamax was good. And people bought it.

Try again- oh, no, don't bother...

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hplasm
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Meh

" He decided to jump."

Then, eventually, sank without trace.

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Former Sun CEO Scott McNealy has data on 1/14th of humanity

hplasm
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Devil

Let's all send Scott-

lots of Golf Sale ads! Gotta check them all out!

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G4S call centre staff made 'test' 999 calls to hit performance targets

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Criminals can go straight-

Read the post- 'ex-cops' is a clue to the clueless.

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Criminals can go straight-

Why can't bent ex-cops? (rental or otherwise).

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The ‘Vaping Crackdown’ starts today. This is what you need to know

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: About time

I'm tired of seeing AC trolls flaunt their filthy addiction in public. It's a disgusting habit as is smoking.

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'Acts of war in a combat zone are not covered by your laptop warranty'

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Bullshit.

Bullshit happens all the time.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: It's not "Help Desk"

It's not "ITIL"

It's PHB Wank.

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hplasm
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Happy

The user was unnamed...

A Mr Stark, would have been priceless.

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A UK digital driving licence: What could possibly go wrong?

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: "People are living increasingly social lives"

"As for the plastic driving license, I have actually seen one though it was not mine. I only have a pink and green paper job that I got for free and have never had to pay to renew it."

Wait. Once it next expires, they will charge, and it will be a plastic one.

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hplasm
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Big Brother

What could possible go wrong with a fully digital government database?...

Citizen- your licence to drive has been (suddenly) revoked. You are now a criminal. Step away from the car and kneel.

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Airbus to build plane that's even uglier than the A380

hplasm
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Coat

Re: A380 ugly?

That 'Beluga' pic would look better with a number '2' on the tails- and a dark green with yellow piping paintjob.

Mine has the keys to Fab 1 in it...

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Theranos bins two years of test results

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Theranos Breakthrough: Corrected Results From Even Smaller Blood Samples

"How do you supply corrected results after two years without a new blood sample?"

New data: Sample donor is dead.

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hplasm
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Devil

There ain't no justice, else.

Theranos, meet Thanatos.

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The Sons of Kahn and the Witch of Wookey

hplasm
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Coat

Thus spake-

the Oracle! (TM)

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Would we want to regenerate brains of patients who are clinically dead?

hplasm
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Alert

Re: No Thanks

The answer is of course 'Scream and Leap'.

Then eat their brain.

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Manchester cops to strap on 3K bodycams

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Secure?

"I wonder if these "police bosses" are confident enough to put their bank details in the same place?"

Probably. Worrying, isn't it?

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: In Manchester??

Should be ok as long as they stay out of Salford.

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Queen’s Speech: Digital Bill to tackle radicalisation, pirates

hplasm
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Pirate

Queen voice:

"You do realise, Dread Pirate Man,that if you do make a lot of copies of Steamboat Willie, you will go to jail, and One will probably be dead when you come out. Stop smirking, Charles!"

"Yarr!"

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The Windows 10 future: Imagine a boot stamping on an upgrade treadmill forever

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: If there's one thing...

"We have already been through this numerous times, and on each occasion you have been shown how each example can get an Enterprise license."

Well, put your cash where your mouth is, and offer to pay the SMBs for it.

Thought not.

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Art heist 'pranksters' sent down for six months

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Only in England

+1 Internet for 'Excited States'

Have a pint.

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Microsoft phone support contractors told to hang up after 15 minutes

hplasm
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Devil

Re: rubbish

*ring ring*

"Hello, Microsoft Tech Support- how may I help you today?"

"My computer has just upgraded itself to Windows 10 and ..."

*click*

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We're calling it: World hits peak Namey McNameface

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: bollocks-filter

"Don''t forget 'methinks'."

Nothing wrong with 'methinks' as such. However, almost every comment post on any forum that starts or contains the phrase "I think..." usually proves the opposite to be true in very short order, methinks.

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