* Posts by hplasm

3930 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Microsoft: We have a bullet ready for 12 competencies

hplasm
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Devil

Re: "...take advantage of the unprecedented demand we’re seeing for Windows 10..."

"It's unprecedented for the demand for anything to be so low!"

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Ofcom promises to have details on duct and pole access by summer

hplasm
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Meh

BAU

"So all the other ISP's will hire the cheapest guys they can to take as many shortcuts as they can to stick cables in BT's ducts"

Taking on BT at their own game, eh?

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Prof Hawking to mail postage-stamp space craft to Alpha Centauri using frickin' lasers

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: IKEAShot 1

"You will have to keep that lazer on-target for more than a few minutes..."

Or wake him up and tell him to turn the LASER on.

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hplasm
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Re: Douglas Adams

"A goat"

eats stars.

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Windows 10 debuts Blue QR Code of Death – and why malware will love it

hplasm
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Meh

"...the OS will complete a crash dump before rebooting"

And when it doesn't reboot?

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hplasm
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Devil

The QR code will lead to the fault diagnosis:-

"Windows 10 installation detected!"

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Saturn spacecraft immune to mysterious Planet 9's charms

hplasm
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Headmaster

Planet 9???

It's still bloody Planet 10.

Proof? DwarfPlanet still has the word 'planet' in it.

danm Pluto haters... I'm triggered!!!1111 eleventy

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Field technicians want to grab my tool and probe my things

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: An innocent explanation

"...Best to wear long sleeved rubber gauntlets..."

Don't you wear these at all times? I do...

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How Remix's Android will eat the world

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: "Remix OS with...

"Indeed - I can't do shit with Android that I can do with Windows..." and Windows is where the shit is.

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Want a job in security? Lock down US military's supermarkets

hplasm
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Meh

Looking at the past few months POS scams-

It might be better to secure all US supermarkets from hacking...

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Look who's here to solve the Internet of Things' security nightmare – hey, it's Uncle Sam

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Power Grab by Bureaucrats

'First question for the ferals is: "Do you know what you are talking about?" '

"Sure! IoT! Internet of Tubes!"

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Read America's insane draft crypto-borking law that no one's willing to admit they wrote

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Not a chance.

"Maybe what is necessary is an actual, personal cost to any Senator or administrative official trying for these anti-People measures."

But- but- isn't that what the 2nd amendment is all about?

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hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Senators with Disabilities Act

On the bright side- 10 minutes after banking encryption is outlawed, all IT people have a chance to get very, very rich indeed!

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Watch: SpaceX finally lands Falcon rocket on robo-barge in one piece

hplasm
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Re: It's an impressive *technical* achievement

Because if it doesn't lower their prices a lot, so what?

It can increase the number of launches possible in a set period as well?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: meeces to pieces

"The mice, of course, were furious..."

Slartibartfast.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: Congratulations etc.

Sadly, due to the spread of American culture to the World...

"Hey all you rocket techies, stop sounding like a bunch of Homer Simpsons."

There, FTFY.

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Microsoft rethinks the Windows application platform one more time

hplasm
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Devil

"You can tell MS is in dire straits when the Distinguished Engineer can't even afford a shaver."

He's trying to grow a 'neckbeard'- MS types think they let you understand complex softwares, apparently.

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hplasm
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Windows

Re: Learning or just trying a different push??

"Very nice, but there are 99 Windows customers for every Linux customer."

Linux has users. Windows has customers, and one is born every minute.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Win10 Snakes and Ladders

And....down the backwards-compatibility snake we go. Into a nest of vipers.

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That naked picture on my PC? Not mine. The IT guy put it there

This post has been deleted by a moderator

London to Dover 'smart' road could help make driverless cars mainstream – expert

hplasm
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Happy

Re: better start

The M25 would be a great start - get rid of all of the drivers!

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Ubuntu plugs code exec, DoS Linux kernel holes

hplasm
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Devil

Re: The only constant is change

"...improvements to systemd..."

You mean- it's gone?

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There's oil in that thar … Chinese space probe?

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Another idea.

You want a rain of shit?

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Florida weed suspect cuffed after hoverboard pursuit

hplasm
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Flame

Go faster!

Or just burst into flames!! Go on!!! Oh, sod it...

<jumps off, runs> Lack of ---->

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Humans get 'aroused' fondling robots in their private areas – study

hplasm
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Happy

Robophiles?

Cyberpaedos.

Now to get the Trrrrrrsts on board for the set!

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Microsoft lures top Linux exec from Oracle to Redmond

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Actually, not quite the case

"So if those central servers went down, then it would very quickly become impossible to bring up a new Windows computer."

Karma. Not pretty.

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Microsoft smells Musk, splashes on 'Mune' space program

hplasm
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WTF?

MS enters orbit-

- Time for a much thicker tinfoil hat!

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Woman scales Ben Nevis wielding selfie stick instead of ice axe

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Fucking moron

"She should have been charged for the time and resources of all rescue services involved on a punitive tariff."

She was: £0

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Furious English villagers force council climbdown over Satan's stone booty

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Rock? That's not a rock.

"Depends how far it extends underground..."

It's the tip of an underground rockberg!

(rockrock??? hmmm...)

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Microsoft cracks open Visual Studio to Linux C++ coders

hplasm
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Alert

May I just be the first to say...

IT'S A TRAP!

Thanks.

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Adblock wins in court again – this time against German newspaper

hplasm
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Coat

"Turn it off when you're not using it...."

Can't. It's trying to update to Win 10...

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Bash on Windows. Repeat, Microsoft demos Bash on Windows

hplasm
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Windows

Re: This isn't Nan friendly

"Fortunately Windows has a proper ACL model that can deny even the "root" user from being able to delete critical files..."

The ones that override the security and update settings?

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hplasm
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Angel

Re: How is this different?

"...you just download the same binary as anyone else running Ubuntu, and it will run on your machine."

Does it run the Ubuntu installer? Oh good!

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Keep going

"Yeah, sure, that must be why Windows 10 is by far the fastest adopted version of Windows ever?"

If by 'adopted' you mean finding your house full of kids you've never seen before.

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hplasm
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Linux

It means-

'Stick a fork in Windows, it's done.'

Hopefully.

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Microsoft's bigoted teen bot flirts with illegali-Tay in brief comeback

hplasm
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Meh

"You are too fast, please take a rest..."

MS slow to respond to users, as usual.

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Here's a great idea: Let's make a gun that looks like a mobile phone

hplasm
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Meh

Re: "Absolutely no one can make sense of the United States' infatuation with firearms."

". A well-armed populace employs its government instead of fearing it."

So how many guns each do you need to stop fearing your Govt? They seem to be taking the piss no matter how many guns you have.

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: "Absolutely no one can make sense of the United States' infatuation with firearms."

"Guns are tools on this side of the pond. Plain & simple."

Sorry Jake- It's the plain and simple Tools with Guns that are the problem on your side of the pond, not the people who need them as tools.

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Oculus Rift review-gasm round-up: The QT on VR

hplasm
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Meh

Re: He's probably right

"...what the MITS Altair was to a Windows PC."

Better?

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Surface Hub: A Howard Hughes folly, or a cunning Post It Note killer?

hplasm
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Facepalm

"... I get the feeling that I'm going to be told to buy one fairly soon."

Well, they can always get rid of some of the users to pay for it- and save the cash in not buying them PCs...

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US govt says it has cracked killer's iPhone, legs it from Apple fight

hplasm
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Happy

Re: LOL

He disguised himself as an iPhone and made friends with the TerrPhone.

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Snowden 'more helpful than dangerous' says ex-Colin Powell aide

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Now I've come close to reading everything

Oh dear, the post-op hormones are playing up, eh ex-Tank Girl?

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Computers shouldn't smoke. Cigarettes aren't healthy for anyone

hplasm
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Happy

Time Computers-

-near Blackburn?

If so you should put their comms room up for El Reg cabling madness (can't remember the exact thread) if you can get any old pictures. More of a deathtrap than a gungy PC, it was Impossible to enter and leave without at least one cable coming loose and tripping up the unwary visitor, and woe betide any attempts at putting the plug back in wherever it came from... only Indiana Jones could traverse the web of tripwires!

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Mud sticks: Microsoft, Windows 10 and reputational damage

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Reality Check

Stockholm syndrome kicking in ok?

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hplasm
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WTF?

Re: I'll give you a clue: no, you don't. You really, really don't....

"The idea that my company needs greater OS security paranoia than a world top ten Investment Bank ...".

Hahahahhahaah!!! You've obviously never worked in a Bank's IT department...

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: So..

No, Snakes on a Plane has a certain charm...

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Microsoft did Nazi that coming: Teen girl chatbot turns into Hitler-loving sex troll in hours

hplasm
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Joke

Re: And on the other side of the world:

"...the garbage that's one English Language Literary prizes."

They can't be that bad- 'Tay' (ugh) didn't even place...

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hplasm
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Facepalm

And on the other side of the world:

http://www.digitaltrends.com/cool-tech/japanese-ai-writes-novel-passes-first-round-nationanl-literary-prize/

Good classy AI work, MS...

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Microsoft introduces yet another Skype for Windows 10

hplasm
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Happy

Re: With all the random changes of direction at Redmond-

"Does it run Hitler-loving sex-mad AI's?"

Only the NT version...

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Pebble axes quarter of its workers after fitness pivot

hplasm
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Unhappy

There goes Pebble-

From the best, first smartwatch to a me-too! wannabe.

It'll be running Win10 next...

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