* Posts by hplasm

3775 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

China 'evacuates' 9,000 around monster radio 'scope

hplasm
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improbable units calculator

Can we get these added to the Reg Store?

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Microsoft Office 365: You don't need 27 floppies, but there is desktop friction

hplasm
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Re: 2013 / 2016 / 365 for small businesses

" its about as relevant as that giraffe over there."

That's no giraffe...it's a pie chart.

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hplasm
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Re: 2013 / 2016 / 365 for small businesses

You seem to be experiencing some friction- do you want help with that?

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Good news ... and bad news for Skype-using Apple fans and small biz

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Muppets

" MS get it in the rear regardless of what they do..."

And how they do it.

They should try not being shit.

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Patch ASAP: Tons of Linux apps can be hijacked by evil DNS servers, man-in-the-middle miscreants

hplasm
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WTF?

Re: I'll bet...

You can tell it's half-term at Donkey Molesting School...

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UK to stop children looking at online porn. How?

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Stupid or lying?

2They aren't stupid. You don't get to be in the top 0.1% by being stupid." <Citation Needed>

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hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: Whuh?

"...on a on a secure server so that the goverment ..."

Sorry, you cannot conflate the phrase 'secure server' and 'government' in the same sentence.

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'Hobbit' heads aren't human says bone boffin

hplasm
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Holmes

Not Hobbits!?!?!

Must be Orcs, then.

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Is this the last ever Lumia?

hplasm
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Re: Epic Fail

Sinn Fail?

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Ofcom must tackle 'monopolistic' provider BT, says shadow digital minister Chi Onwurah

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: Is the issue Openreach

BT have been paid a shitload of public cash to do what they are reluctant to. VM etc are still in debt for their fibre rollouts.

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Coding is more important than Shakespeare, says VC living in self-contained universe

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: He's right

"...learning a trade is more important than being well read."

Or you could become a VC.

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hplasm
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Re: Excellent article

"...drill teeth, remove spleens, diagnose common diseases of the kitten, weld two-inch-thick copper plate, cut three pieces of wood so that they fit together into a beautiful corner, write C++, read Danish, design an injection-mould ejector which actually ejects the pieces..."

That's what I do in my spare time... and read the odd bit of bard at work.

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Brit spies can legally hack PCs and phones, say Brit spies' overseers

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Think about this

"Job for life, good pension :-)"

Retire as a dead body in a holdall...

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Send tortuous stand-up ‘nine-thirty’ meetings back to the dark ages

hplasm
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Re: Morning Prayers

"...the early meetings were "Come to Jesus meetings""

There's a meeting!

There is? When...Oh Jesus!

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hplasm
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"TL: You weren't at the town hall this morning."

Yes I was.

No- I didn't see you there.

I was- by the Civic Hall steps...

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hplasm
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Happy

Those humans-

You're in league with them, aren't you?

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Boffins show Ed Vaizey what superfast means: 50,000x faster than UK broadband

hplasm
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Stop

"...the average speed of a UK broadband connection of 24 megabits per second (Mb/s)"

Hahahahahaha!!

Funny! Tell us another one!

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Heart Internet in 22-hour TITSUP after data centre power stuffup

hplasm
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Sites seem to be back up-

But a bit sloooooow...

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Putin's internet guru says 'nyet' to Windows, 'da' to desktop Linux

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Next....

"MS no longer have a viable business product.""

MS never had a viable business product.

Smoke and mirrors and shitty code.

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hplasm
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Windows

Clonk.

Another one bites the dust. (Or several hundreds of thousands...)

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Bluetooth direct to the internet: What could possibly go wrong?

hplasm
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Facepalm

Bluetooth to Internet...

A giant catflap in the blast doors.

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Carly Fiorina makes like HP and splits – ex-CEO quits White House race

hplasm
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Mushroom

Foff Fiorina!

" I will continue to travel this country and fight for those Americans who refuse to settle for cheap ink."

HP used to be great.

Cnut.

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SCO's last arguments in 'Who owns Linux?' case vs. IBM knocked out

hplasm
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Happy

Re: "The end [..] looks to be near"

Also:-

http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20040207

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Drone-busting eagles to darken Blighty's skies?

hplasm
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WTF?

Glad to see that -

all other crime has been solved, so now plod has to manufacture some.

Oh- that's not new, is it?

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Norks uses ballistic missile to launch silent 'satellite'

hplasm
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" If you want a loitering anything, you need to include the necessary fuel and exhaust ports, ..."

If it has exhaust ports, it is vulnerable. Say to a small squadron of x-wing fighters...

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Remember Netbooks? Windows 10 makes them good again!

hplasm
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Devil

Re: The facts!

Sometimes you can be right, even if you don't want to be.

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Bats and badgers hold up Apple’s Irish data centre plans

hplasm
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Happy

Re: On another note....

"I just noticed I got a bronze badgey....."

Now you are a Bronze Badger!

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hplasm
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Pint

Badger ham

Used to be a thing- who knew? It was often a bar snack...

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Cisco's purple princesses gush workplace joy

hplasm
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Finally-

The decline of 'The Suit'.

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What's it like to work for a genius and Olympic archer who's mates with Richard Branson?

hplasm
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Devil

Re: I would post

Ol' Prune face the Sid James Impersonator?

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re:For one awkward moment...

As did I...

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Boffins smear circuitry onto contact lenses

hplasm
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Happy

BTW: "Chemists have solutions."

If you're not part of the problem, you're part of the precipitate...

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hplasm
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Re: Application?

"Is this more than a solution looking for a problem?"

A contact-lens solution? Naw- we already have that...

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Microsoft showers Office 365 sellers with gold in Google snub

hplasm
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Meh

Re: M$ doesn't need to compete with Google on price...

"g-mail which uses the browser spell checker."

IE by any chance?

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: M$ doesn't need to compete with Google on price...

When they can rely on bribery.

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13 CubeSats to ride mighty US lifter

hplasm
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Black Helicopters

Re: Cube sat not so cubic

Rectangular PRISM sats?

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hplasm
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Re: Launch cost

"Do they really know what this will be used for?"

Dozens of small cube-shaped astronauts. Or pork.

Or square pigs?

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Microsoft buys SwiftKey, Britain's 'stealthiest software startup'

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Hmm, the usual comments.

"Holovision looks like the dogs bollocks too..."

Hairy and dangly and make you look odd if fastened to your face?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Counting the days

"Any hints?"

Go to app, long press- go to play store- press menu- untick auto update.

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hplasm
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Windows

By contrast, SwiftKey is world class.

For now. So was Skype...

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Pentagon can't check F-35 maintenance thanks to insecure database

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Where is the beard?

Shouldn't the guy in the picture get a new beard as he no longer has a beard?

FTFY

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Windows 10 will now automatically download and install on PCs

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: I upgraded back in November, and Windows 10 is working great.

" Windows 10 is working great. UI is almost exactly the same as Windows 10."

That's a giant leap for OS kind.

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Microsoft: Yes, we are going to kill off Enterprise Agreements

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Then again...

"I would willingly sell my house and all its contents to help Microsoft."

Click here to accept this new EULA.

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Sure, encrypt your email – while your shiny IoT toothbrush spies on you

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Orwell

" I don' t see that happening in Western countries."

Emphasis.

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Most of the world still dependent on cash

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Eh?

"...then ordering up some beer."

This is the part that you don't want to take time.

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Feds slap Rentboy.com boss with further charges

hplasm
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Meh

"...so *why* was this one singled out?"

There's an election brewing in the good ol' US... 'morality' rears it's sleepy head.

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UK.gov plans to unveil a new Digital Bill

hplasm
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Meh

May I be the first-

to raise a Digit or two to this bill.

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Apple’s retail chief: ‘Touching customers’ key to retail success

hplasm
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Meh

What a big pile.

Of Corporate Bobbins.

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Met Police: Yes, outsourcing IT to Steria has 'risks'

hplasm
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Holmes

YAGIF

Yet Another Govt IT Foulup.

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Lincolnshire council shuts down all IT after alleged 0-day breach

hplasm
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Facepalm

Do I smell-

- MS security? Makes G4S look fabulous.

Where's the 'Bowl of Petunias' icon?

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