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* Posts by hplasm

2524 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

ISS astronauts to grow tomatoes and rice …. IN SPAAAAACE

hplasm
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Happy

Re: BOVINES IN SPACE!!!!

Use square pigs instead!

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Cameron: UK public is fine with domestic spying

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: I'm On A Rant!

" if caught they would face a very substantial custodial sentence......"

And Hell would host the Winter Olympics.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: If there was any doubt

"it is a dangerous world and there are bad people that want to do terrible things to us, and we should keep voting them into power." said the out-of-touch Prime Minister today from his constituency on Neptune.

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Volunteers slam plans to turn Bletchley Park into 'geeky Disneyland'

hplasm
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Re: We are the only people that care because ...

Rather-

The management just walk in and say "Ah, that looks untidy. Can't you move it somewhere else or get rid of it and get something modern?!"

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Tunguska object came from Mars say Russian boffins

hplasm
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Alien

It's BUGS!

That did it- Buenos Aires is next!!

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US govt watchdog slams NSA snooping as illegal, useless against terrorism

hplasm
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Trollface

Re: Loopy Wankinmasta Martin Gregorie Anon Cluetard Boston Marathon Bombing

"unlike you - I have a clue."

"unlike you - I have froth on my chin."

FTFY.

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Microsoft seeks patent for blade server chassis

hplasm
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Gimp

"the wonderful gadgets filling our lives."

I thought you were droning on about Surface?

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CERN boffins fire ANTI-HYDROGEN BEAM

hplasm
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Pint

Anti matter...

Stuff that doesn't matter?

Celebs are made of antimatter!

Seriously though, Death Rays!

Bzzt!

(Sorry, I read That Post, above. I think it's catching...)

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Mystery 'doughnut' materializes in front of Mars rover: 'OH MY GOD! It wasn't there before!'

hplasm
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Holmes

Horta Droppings

That is all.

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Surface Pro 2 dim screen of death snafu STILL happening after patch

hplasm
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Meh

Re:It's okay, they make a nice skateboard.

Until the wheels come off...

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Microsoft has a tablet out?

No, that would be ridiculous!

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Your squirty insecticides make bumblebees SHRINK, warn boffins

hplasm
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Happy

Re: OY You lot, over here.

They mustn't use it around here- not on the sheep anyway- as some of the bumblebees are as big as buses.

Cargo bees, I reckon.

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EE BrightBox routers can be hacked 'by simple copy/paste operation'

hplasm
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Re: Telecom Italia had such junk before...

Telecom Italia- they make BT look good.

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Put down that airbrush, now you can touch up hot models in REAL LIFE

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: > now you can touch up hot models in REAL LIFE

Or 'inappropriate behaviour',,,

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Modern spying 101: How NSA bugs Chinese PCs with tiny USB radios - NYT

hplasm
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Re: I've heard .....

Not sure about the magnet feet, but I'm certain it has many more arses than that, working for it.

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Alien SUPER-EARTH: If there is LIFE up there, it'll be moaning about the weather

hplasm
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WTF?

@zmodem

You do know you sound like the meaningless half of a loud guy's phone call we can all hear, no?

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Coming in 2014: Scary super-soldier exoskeleton suits from the US military

hplasm
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Meh

The next war- 2018?

The suit will just need to be good enough to withstand a "well regulated militia"... if the survivalists can be bothered.

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How the NSA hacks PCs, phones, routers, hard disks 'at speed of light': Spy tech catalog leaks

hplasm
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Happy

"Because if someone leaks Chinese secrets..."

Won't they be totally different by the time the info gets back to base?

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BT tweaks WORDING of sex-ed web block after complaints

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: @MrXavia

"K9 protection."

Why? Because on the Internet, nobody knows you are a dog.

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It's the dream: Bill Gates chucks cash at WEE-IN-YOUR-PHONE project

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Wee in your phone

What a U turn! Makes a change from taking the piss out of Gate's products...

Tramp smells of latent energy ---

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Asteroid-hunting beauty AWAKENS, takes cheeky snaps of neighbours

hplasm
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Alien

Oh-

I can see his sprunger!

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James Bond's 'shaken not stirred': Down to trembling boozer's hands, claim boffins

hplasm
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Meh

Re: You're allowed more booze than that.

As the physician who was asked to provide the maximum *allowed number of alcohol units for consumption freely admits to pulling the number out of his arse, then it follows that any critique of a subject's drinking that relies on these units is by definition , bollocks; when applied to a fictional character, doubly so.

*All hail Nanny!

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Jupiter moon Europa spotted spraying WATER into SPAAACCCEE

hplasm
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Pirate

Re: "I truly would love to know what's under that ice crust..."

Tentacles, that's what. great bolshy big ones, too, I reckon.

They'll have yer, mark my words...

Also, Yarr.

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Munich signs off on Open Source project

hplasm
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Re: Wow.

Compatibility testing is anathema to MS and their adherents these days.

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Big goolies-grabbing black snake nips unlucky bloke's trouser snake

hplasm
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Coat

Re: high end porta-johns...

Imagine that!

Buzzer goes off, punter pulls up pants and looks down into hole, only to see a small child splashing there below.

"Funny," he thinks, "I don't remember eating that..."

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Spoilsport though I know I'm being...

The message is obvious.

Watch IT!

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Microsoft rallies channel troops: Sell, sell, sell our spanking new 'Cloud OS'

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Watch yer backs

"companies are already swarming round it like flies to shit..."

Because it's already dead?

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Fisher-Price in hot seat: iPad bouncy chair lets APPLE BABYSIT tots – parents

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: iPad vs plastic trinkets

One is a garish plastic toy and the other one is a stimulating infant bauble....

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I KNOW how to SAVE Microsoft. Give Windows 8 away for FREE – analyst

hplasm
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Meh

Windows is only free-

If your time is worth the square root of fuck-all.

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It's true, the START MENU is coming BACK to Windows 8, hiss sources

hplasm
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Meh

Re: I had to Google how to find the Control Panel...

"Right click the start button (bottom left hotcorner if 8.0)..."

With a finger ??

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Microsoft: Don't listen to 4chan ... especially the bit about bricking Xbox Ones

hplasm
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Happy

Re:Re: It may be harsh...

Send him a bricked XBone.

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hplasm
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Happy

o Dear.

That is all.

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Evil Dexter lurks in card reader, ready to SLASH UP your credit score

hplasm
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Meh

'Windows-based malware'

This common phrase is due for it's own icon.

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Googlers devise DeViSE: A thing-recognising FRANKENBRAIN

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Apple's spamtastic iBeacon retail alerts launch with Frisco FAIL

hplasm
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Devil

Re: On behalf of San Francisco natives everywhere...

Cisco ?

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Inside Steve Ballmer’s fondleslab rear-guard action

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: No, Liam, I won't be using a fondleslab as my primary computer.

Are you six, mmeier?

Jeez.

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Mexican Cobalt-60 robbers are DEAD MEN, say authorities

hplasm
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Alert

The wages of sin, and all that-

But still, a horrible way to go.

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Amazon's non-existent drone delivery army ALREADY P0WNED

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Amazon Skeet

Isn't this a far more elegant solution than blasting away uselessly away at the sky like a drunken redneck?

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On the matter of shooting down Amazon delivery drones with shotguns

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Rednecks

How many failed Amazon deliveries would it take before I was allowed to call in an airstrike on the neighbours?

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hplasm
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FAIL

Re: Weapons

Huh. There are plenty of 'pieces of sporting equipment' that make good weapons;

even the target gun that you seem to despise would bring a new perspective to you if someone wrapped one around your ear.

Some people can kill you with almost anything, it just takes a little imagination.

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Build your OWN Apple iBeacon with a Raspberry Pi

hplasm
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Meh

Re: You CAN'T use it to distribute fake vouchers

Of course you can- it's not like fake money, where it HAS to be accepted, if the idea is to annoy the shop and/or the customer.

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Xbox One site BELLY-UP in GLOBAL Microsoft cloud catastrophe

hplasm
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Windows

Re: "There are plenty of things to accuse MS of..."

"...being clueless about networking really isn't one of them"

Yes it is. As true now as it always has been.

NETBUI, NETBIOS; netbollocks.

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: outlook.com too

Who would notice that? Spammers?

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Hello Warsaw: Greenland ice loss will be OK 'even under extreme scenarios'

hplasm
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Happy

Re: just another conference

"What's not to like?"

What's not to like?? Manbearpig, that's who! You seem to have forgotten the whole point of these conferences- Manbearpig!

I'm super cereal!

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Super-stealth FLYING CAR prototype seen outside GOOGLE HQ

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: these fans ...

As do the bumblebee's wings...

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hplasm
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Happy

"right minded American Redneck"

Where's the Oxymoron icon?

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Vint Cerf: 'Privacy may be an ANOMALY, now over'. And it's no secret I think that

hplasm
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Pirate

Re: Turn the debil off ...

You can't beat them.

But that's no reason to make it easy for them.

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Tiny, invisible EXTRATERRESTRIAL INVADERS appear at South Pole

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Who to truly believe

"To overcome a force one utilises a greater force."

Unfamiliar with the concept of judo then?

As for the rest....

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Sony patents LASER-FIRING Wi-Fi SMARTWIG with sideburn buttons

hplasm
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Pirate

Can I get one-

With a bluetooth Cybertash?

Or better yet- a Bluebeard!

Yarr- because...

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Star Wars exec: These ARE THE DROIDS I was LOOKING FOR

hplasm
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Lucky Barstands!

Talk about dream jobs...

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