* Posts by hplasm

3049 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Radio 4 and Dr K on programming languages: Full of Java Kool-Aid

hplasm
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In C

About 5%... judging by his discography.

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What would have stopped TV5Monde hack? Yup, MOAR LAWS

hplasm
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Re: So easy to protect, not

"Digital Commissioner" - on the BatTablet under the cake-dome?

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Rand Paul puts Hillary Clinton's hard drive on sale

hplasm
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Re: Email servers

" enormous databases of the ravings of lunatics."

Or political manifestos, as they are commonly known.

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Urine for a treat this Monday, ISS 'nauts: SpaceX to launch pee-powered coffee pot

hplasm
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Re: You do know that ...

Well personally, I only drink water specially imported from the Oort cloud.

In all fairness, I do try to only inhale oxygen that has passed through at least one historical figure.

I did a fart once that smelled of Hitler- it must have gone down the wrong way.

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Microsoft, Getty settle image snatch 'suit

hplasm
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Alien

Re: Eddor meets Ploor

True, true- but they had to meet up at one time...then it was game on.

The Delgonians did indeed know how to party though.

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hplasm
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Eddor meets Ploor

Treaties signed.

Hilarity ensures.

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Microsoft uses Windows Update to force Windows 10 ads onto older PCs

hplasm
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There may be-

trouble ahead...

la la la

Do sing along!

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ISIS: You bomb us, we’ll interrupt your TV transmissions

hplasm
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"Yves Bigot, "

"...the network director,.."

Ah- they are the target of the cyberclowns, right there...

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Instead of public sector non-jobbery, Martha, how about creating REAL entrepreneurs?

hplasm
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Meh

Re: @hplasm: Just remember, in the 1980s

"Thatcher did not crucify the British car industry."

No need to.

She did make sure that cross and nail manufacturing shares were available to all though. And then sold off the companies that made them.

Trebles all round!

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hplasm
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Re: Just remember, in the 1980s

for a sneeze of time, the UK was regarded as the world leader in IT education. US policymakers would visit, and return back to Uncle Sam broken men.

Can't imagine what happened.

Thatcher.

FTFY

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Microsoft sounds 100-day DOOM KLAXON for Windows Server 2003

hplasm
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Meh

"As someone who's worked for schools with little money to spend on IT ..."

...(including one that could not afford textbooks one year)

Microsoft's licencing costs will do that.

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Astronomers battle plague of BLADE-WIELDING ROBOTS

hplasm
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Re: The simple solution

How about drones that are attracted to the beacons and crop-spray the area with Agent Orange ( Tartrazine Free, of course). All problems solved and an extra head for free.

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Boffins: Large Hadron Collider NOW movin', we're getting down and crush groovin'

hplasm
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Happy

Pffzt!

Pop. Bip.

Bzzert!

Tentacles everywhere.

Excellent!

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EU Commission looking for ways to DECLARE WAR on Google

hplasm
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Meh

To effectively 'compete' -

in search

with Google, all the rest need is a simple slogan:

"Don't be shit."

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hplasm
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Meh

The future...

Harrison Bergeron: (On Bing) "Google? What was that?"

Bing: Here is a picture of a camel, two bars of Hail to the Chief and an article about ants. Thank you for u-u-u-using Mi-mi-mi-crosoft Bing. Please insert Two Hundred Eurodollars. Bzzt!"

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SPY FRY: Smart meters EXPLODE in Californian power surge

hplasm
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Mushroom

Oooh Matron!

Me receptacles! They're all blackened!!

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Power, internet access knackered in London after exploding kit burps fire into capital's streets

hplasm
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Black Helicopters

"...there is still a strong aura of secrecy about these citadel sites,"

Battle beneath The Earth...

tell no-one.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: O2

Brain cells?

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Is this what Windows XP's death throes look like?

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Oh wow...

"Give me strenght."

And a decent spellchecker.

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Apple is like HITLER says Chinese billionaire

hplasm
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Re: Hitler is a bit extreme.

How about Mao, then?

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UN inflicts 10,000 flat pack IKEA shelters on Iraq - WITHOUT TOOLS

hplasm
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Re: Nice one IKEA

SHELTUUR

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Dino-boffins discover ancient, TOOTHY-CLAWED, four-eyed MONSTER LOBSTER

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Weird thought

I was hoping for something about 1 to 20m long...

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Building a better society from the Czechs' version of Meccano

hplasm
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Alert

"I still to this day want to know just what the hell they where medicated for?"

To prevent mould from the damp seats growing in the raw arse-scratches the crinkled shiny loo-paper would inflict...

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Microsoft and Oracle are 'not your trusted friends', public sector bods

hplasm
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Windows

Re: So give them the boot - use open source

"99.9% of trading floors with vast values at risk seem to not have any issues in using Excel...Do tell us more?"

So that's the cause of recessions pinned down then.

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: So, give them the boot - use open source.

Oh, it's you. Again.

"When will you lot realise Linux/OSS/LibreOffice is of very little interest to anyone other than a very special kind of person."

When will you and your whiny cohorts realise that MS 'products' are of no interest to anyone at all; like the shiny toilet paper of old- nobody wanted it, but it was foisted upon all. A few fetishists still buy it for the pain, but to everyone else it is an increasingly unnecessary pain in the arse.

So take your MS crapware and use it in the same way- there are alternatives now, and they are quilted.

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Bye bye, booth babes. IT security catwalk RSA nixes sexy outfits

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Give the feminism a rest

"Check your privilege."

Fuck off.

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hplasm
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Trollface

Re: Christ on a fucking BIKE!

I bet you look great in a thong...

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hplasm
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Meh

"If they judge people for what they wear...?"

Hence the use of the cringeworthy Business or Business Casual Wear.

As seen in used Car Salesrooms and The Dock in courts around the land.

Wheres the tech kudos in looking like that?

Dronewear.

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Not worth going then

"Everything is things."

Except when they are Objects. Where do Containers fit into this?

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Marathon race ace FOUND ON MARS – NASA boffins overjoyed

hplasm
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Re: JPL Marathon relay??

_The Big Bank Theory_

Isn't that a documentary about the birth of the Monopolyverse?

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Treat us like the utilities we believe ourselves to be, say UK operators

hplasm
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Meh

Re: I don't understand.

I can see more landowners turning them away for 1/10th of the rent they get now for the nasty towers.

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What horrors lurk in the future: Networks without sysadmins

hplasm
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Re: Networks without sysadmins?

Yup.

Networks have Netadmins...

/ducks

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Microsoft gets data centres powered up for big UPS turn-off

hplasm
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Re: not enough runtime

Simple.

Give all IT staff a free Tesla Roadster and a charging point at work.

UPS and happy staff.

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Millions of voters are missing: It’s another #GovtDigiShambles

hplasm
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Holmes

I predict-

grumbling amongst the disenfranchised...

How convenient. Gerrymandering is such an unpleasant word...

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Web geeks grant immortality to Sir Terry Pratchett – using smuggled web code

hplasm
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Meh

Re: I guess you parents failed your first 7 years

"They're dead. What we do makes no difference to them."

A bit like your servers (if you have any) now that you have effectively cut them off from anyone who isn't you.

Stupid twat.

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hplasm
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Re: Join The Rev's RFC campaign.

Brilliant.

Let's make this happen!

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Internet Explorer LIVES ON, cackle sneaky Microsoft engineers

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Windows, your reign is over ....

"Nope - you still can't run Halo or Titan Fall on Linux...."

Because it's an OS not a games platform with a dodgy office suite?

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Flying cars will take to the skies in 2017, if government allows

hplasm
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Don't worry-

In the Uk they will soon be limited to 20MPH (10 in cities) so won't be able to get off of the ground - if the LibDems get in, of course... pfft.

I'll get my cape-

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BBC: We'll give FREE subpar-Raspberry-Pis to a million Brit schoolkids

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Re: Ha

"Why does the brain dead approach have to be trotted out every time. "

I don't know. Why do you do it?

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Google gives spit n' polish to world's most expensive Chromebook

hplasm
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Trollface

Re: built....

Sorry, the Apple page is elsewhere...

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Going on holiday? Mexico wants your personal data

hplasm
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Terminator

Re: PNR Data

Email:[email protected]

Phone number :+441625 545 745

They work for us...so why not?

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$17,000 Apple Watch: Pointless bling, right? HA! You're WRONG

hplasm
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Christometer-

Hehhe - First the Jesusphone, now this.

I hope Apple get into kitchen gadgets. I can't wait for the coming of the Holy Toast...

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'Roly poly' soft, wobbly robot BANGS EXPLOSIVELY, leaps 0.5m in air

hplasm
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Where

Are the Pictures? (oh, in the linky... a bit dry though... /edit)

Video, preferably.

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Nothing says 'Taliban' quite like net neutrality, eh, EU Digi Commish?

hplasm
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Facepalm

Oetti?

Wetty?

Idoitti? What is he on?

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Boffins probe mystery of ANTARCTIC BLOOD GLACIER

hplasm
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Alien

Juices-

of the Elder Things.

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Hated smart meters likely to be 'a costly failure' – MPs

hplasm
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Devil

Re "How can this possibly cost so much?"

The price of Yachts goes ever upwards.

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Boffins find Earth's earliest Homo in Ethiopian hilltop

hplasm
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Re: Cool!

Amen to that!

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Storm in a K-Cup: My SHAME over the eco-monster I created, says coffee pod inventor

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: Too good to last

"Is that what we want, a future filled with crappy products, made so for the sake of recycling?"

Better than the present, where we have crappy products that are almost unrecyclable.

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Mummy, what's the point of Evgeny Morozov's tedious columns?

hplasm
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Headmaster

Shurely shome mishtake?

Nobody called it "The Grauniad"...

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Microsoft working on 'Nano' version of Windows Server for web-scale ops

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Wow

" modularising Windows and allowing you to ditch the crap you don't need and don't want."

Or you could just buy a blank disk.

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