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* Posts by hplasm

2534 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Friday is Pi Day

hplasm
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Re: I prefer to celebrate Pie day.

Pi day? e! (by gum)

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SATANIC 'HELL DIAMOND' tells of sunless subterranean sea

hplasm
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Angel

Re: Satanic??

It's come up from beneath- where Satan lives.

With Saddam.

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BuzzGasm: 9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About PLIERS!

hplasm
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Re: needle nose mole grips

Nothing better for those tricky star-nosed moles...

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hplasm
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Coat

A lot of moaning about this article...

Must be from software 'engineers'...

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Brawling neighbours challenge 'quiet' cul-de-sac myth

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Uh ...

"Cul-de-sacs are legendarily considered peaceful havens of tranquility"

...until you try to dare to park in one...

curtain twitching begins...

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Five unbelievable headlines that claim Tim Berners-Lee 'INVENTED the INTERNET'

hplasm
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Pirate

Re: Protocol breakdown by traffic

nmap

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Macs ARE PCs.

Most 'users' call it 'The hard drive'... grr.

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Satisfy my scroll: El Reg gets claws on Windows 8.1 spring update

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Windows 9?

Unless Win 9 is tomorrow's Vista.

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NASA to programmers: Save the Earth and fatten your wallet

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: If my algorithm finds a solid gold asteroid...

Certainly- just as the price of gold crashes...

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X marks the... They SAID there was a mystery planet there – NASA

hplasm
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Alien

Of course it's not there-

It swanned off to Alderaan...

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Why can’t I walk past Maplin without buying stuff I don’t need?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Matrix Broad?

Veroboard, you insensitive clod!

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hplasm
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Re: Arrghgghghghg MAAPLIIIIIIIIIIIN

I think that was Arthur C Clarke, Tales of the White Hart - but I could be wrong.

If I am, just read that anyway- it's well worth it!

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Two way adapters

"...if you ask her where she's put it, wherever she says, it will not be there."

What- you don't get "I haven't touched it." Even if if you saw her with it?

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Blighty teen boffin builds nuclear reactor INSIDE CLASSROOM

hplasm
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Re:Molesworth/Peason atom smasher

Apply the boost! Flog the reactor!

Why did i not marry a mekanic, etc?

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hplasm
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Boffin

"...will any of those do?"

No, they are mine. I have dibs.

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Steve Ballmer: Thanks to me, Microsoft screwed up a decade in phones

hplasm
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Happy

Re: The guy

So- Fester or Vector? Don't make me choose!

Better shoot them both to be sure...

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Confirmed: New Microsoft strategy boss advised President Clinton, ex-UK PM Blair

hplasm
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Facepalm

Rather-

"We need to drive across all our work"

Which explains the smell of roadkilll.

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Satya Nadella shakes up Microsoft, appoints 'Scroogled' man Mark Penn as strategy chief

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: The shape of things to come?

...you're not going to have a good time in corporate strategy discussions."

How true; familiarity with MBA bullshit notwithstanding.

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: Holy Cow...

The SWAT team is to keep the flies off the products...

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hplasm
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Meh

The shape of things to come?

"...a range of projects involving marketing, media and compete"

'compete' is not a thing.

Not a good start.

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Microsoft Research co-develops cloud data scrambler

hplasm
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Devil

Microsoft Research co-develops cloud data scrambler -

Calls it 'Azure'.

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UK man Lauri Love accused of hacking US Federal Reserve

hplasm
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Re: Sigh.

"Three Person Fallibility Constant"

That has always proved to be true, in every group I've been involved in of three persons or fewer.

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Frenchman eyes ocean domination with floating, mobile Bond villain lair

hplasm
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Happy

Ah-

The shark is lurking in the bath; last place you would expect one.

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Insecure hipsters with BEARD ENVY spur facial hair transplant craze

hplasm
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Devil

Heheh.

'Merkins face merkins.

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Pine trees' scent 'could prevent climate change really being a problem'

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Warming Occurring Rapidly Despite Pine Forests

We REALLY need a Zealot icon.

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hplasm
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WTF?

Scented bleach-

can't be very good at bleaching. The same goes double for coloured bleach, pink or blue etc.

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Fukushima radioactivity a complete non-issue on West Coast: Also for Fukushima locals, in fact

hplasm
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Facepalm

Facts-

Carry a warning label in California.

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MtGox has VANISHED. So where have all the Bitcoins gone?

hplasm
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Joke

Re: It's a Buyout.

It's a deposit of 744,408 BTC- unfortunately they were faulty when mined and had a -ve sign...

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Prez Obama cyber-guru: Think your data is safe in an EU cloud? The NSA will raid your servers

hplasm
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Alert

Sauce for the goose.-

Legalise hacking USA servers.

If that doesn't work, invalidate US patents in EU.

If that fails, invalidate US copyright in EU.

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Sony enlists Michael Jackson's GHOST to flog Xperia Z2

hplasm
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Angel

Re: Shamone, motherfucker!

"No, that's ignorant! Woo-hooo!!"

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Muslim clerics issue fatwa banning the devout from Mars One 'suicide' mission

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Not always true

Isn't that because they are mostly displaced Scousers?

/coat

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hplasm
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Happy

Shwing!

be excellent to each other!

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hplasm
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Re: @ jake

There are dozens, if not hundreds of disorganised religions out there- but nobody knows where they meet, or when...

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Magnets to stick stuff to tablets: Yup, there's an Apple patent application for that

hplasm
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Gimp

@ Steve Todd

I think you dropped this...

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hplasm
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Ah, but-

It's a subtle fix for Apple maps...

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Antarctic glacier 'melted JUST as fast LONG before human carbon emissions'

hplasm
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Heretics-

Can't burn them any more. What is a true believer to do?

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Years of AWOL Windows Phone features finally show up in video leaks

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: Missed an actual selling point there, Andrew

Windows Phone toting nerds?

Nah.

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Just like Elvis, dead Steve Jobs to appear all over America in 2015

hplasm
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Coat

It's a first-

The first rectangular stamp with rounded corners!

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Bosses to be banned from forcing new hires to pull personal records

hplasm
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Devil

Re: I'd pass that test @PyLETS

Perfect case for wearing a GoogleGlass!

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MEPs demand answers from EU antitrust chief about planned Google search biz deal

hplasm
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Holmes

"Get back here and explain your actions to us"

That is something We should be saying to all of the MEPs and the unelected lot as well.

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Google gives Maps a lick of paint, smears it over screens worldwide

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Rejoice at that news

^^^ beer for this ^^^^

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Elon Musk ADMITS he met Apple: iCar 'great idea', keeps schtum on Tesla hookup

hplasm
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Angel

Who would want one?

Apart from iCarly.

(whoever that is...)

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Chihuahua TERROR: Packs of TINY hounds menace Arizona

hplasm
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Devil

Hah.

"The ability to form a pack of Chihauahas is insignificant next to the power of the ride-on lawnmower."

Yip-yip-yip-EEEeee-kayay.

Splut.

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Microsoft claims x86 hypervisor market lead

hplasm
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Meh

Ah, I see..

Just as Mr Creosote was the world's largest man, just before exploding.

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Google warns Glass wearers: Quit being 'CREEPY GLASSHOLES'

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Sound

And then they could film you getting run over by the reversing truck behind you...

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: argh

"people are allowed opinions that differ from yours, you know, and shouldn't be shouted down, bullied or made to feel vain for wanting to..."

Wear GoogleGlass?

Sauce. Goose. Gander.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: don't get it

Indeed.

in the future, the lines will be drawn. Glasshole or just plain Arsehole.

Most people won't give a shit.

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HP 'KNEW' about Autonomy's hardware sales BEFORE the whistle blew: report

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: HP knew...

No banana for you...

Unsurprised

1.not feeling or showing surprise at something unexpected.

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Google's paid link settlement plan will lead to fresh wave of abuses, claims Euro rival

hplasm
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Meh

"UK-based price comparison site Foundem"

Who?

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Microsoft's new CEO: The technology isn't his problem

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Simple advice for Nadella

If Microsoft made cars, they would have a horse in the engine compartment.

MS - a one trick pony.

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