* Posts by hplasm

3077 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Milking cow shot dead by police 'while trying to escape'

hplasm
Silver badge
FAIL

They had to shoot it-

before it outwitted them.

100
1

The yummy mummies' likeable wagon: Nissan Qashqai Tekna

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: Kumquat

"...classify people according to the cars they drive..."

But it does save time, and is wierdly accurate...

4
0

Jeb Bush: Repeal Obamacare and replace it with APPLE WATCHES

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

After a slightly promising start...

Meet the new Bush, just like the old Bush(es).

8
2

BOFH: Getting to the brown, nutty heart of the water cooler matter

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

BOFH-

I feel a brownout coming on...

12
0

Windows 10 to MELT YOUR BRAIN and TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: No no no no no no

But finally! A Win10 USP!!

3
0

Look out, law abiding folk: UK’s Counter-Extremism Bill slithers into view

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: RE:Well I'm still trying to get my head around what is wrong with this idea anyway.

"I think you misunderstood, me."

Indeed I did- your omission of the first part made things cloudy.

The omission of the bit I put in (in brackets) by Our Leader makes it all sound a little more sinister...

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Headmaster

RE:Well I'm still trying to get my head around what is wrong with this idea anyway.

"For too long we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens: as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone,” ( This will now stop)

That- is what is wrong with the idea- the parts you missed out and the parts he left out.

1
0

World of the strange: There will be NINE KINDS of Windows 10

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: how many? @Mr. Coward

"You wouldn't want to manage your server with a phone interface, would you?"

Have you seen Windows Servers recently?

10
2
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

"...Windows 10 to be delivered as a service, this milestone..."

Milestone or millstone, this 'service'?

23
3

'Nokia store? I dunno no Nokia store. This here's a Microsoft Reseller'

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

"...showcase a range of Microsoft experiences..."

Let's see- Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt, Confusion and Loathing?

Not a bad start...

4
1

BARMY bio-boffins are growing DINOSAUR SNOUTS on CHICKENS

hplasm
Silver badge
Pint

Re: Geese Speculating....

Sounds like you need more of these to stimulate your research...

0
0

Attack of the possibly-Nazi clone parakeet invaders

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Time for biocontrol

"The invading hordes are clones"

They're not true clones, they just have their Parroty bit set...

28
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Can't we just track them all

using Awk...?

8
0

UK safety app keeping lorries on the right side of cyclists

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

100M£

To stop stupid* cyclists from getting squashed?

*Trying to squeeze between a 20tonne truck and anything is stupid.

80
43

SHOCK! Robot cars do CRASH. Because other cars have human drivers

hplasm
Silver badge
WTF?

Re: For Sport.

"Drink/drug/sleep driving will rise unless the car tests occupants before setting of an monitors them during the journey."

Isn't that the point of these things?

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Privacy and data storage

"Not enough storage in the world for that lot."

But if each camera has enough storage, then by definition, there is...

0
1

Forced sale of Openreach division would put BT broadband investment at risk, says CEO

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Down

Re: Et Tu, Virgin

That's because it was built by many small private companies, most of which went under and were bought out.

6
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Well-

they would say that, wouldn't they?

16
0

Mildly successful flying car crashes - in mildly successful test flight

hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

"Since when did a total write off classify as "seemingly limited damage"?"

No Crater.

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

I would think-

that such an ' unexpected diversion from controlled flight' would cause spontaneous 'explosive blots' in the passenger cabin...

2
0

DEEPENING MYSTERY of BRIGHT LIGHTS on dwarf world Ceres

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: A new world - new puzzles

"no rays from carters..."

Carter's still on Mars...

8
0

Microsoft springs for new undersea cables to link US, UK, Asia

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

The more cables, the more submarine tap points.

Do not open the submarine tap.

Water gets in.

4
0

Facebook echo chamber: Or, the British media and the election

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: Utopias?

"And i know most right-thinking people would agree with me that Oz is much better than the old country."

Wait. Just a little while...

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

@vimes

This. 100%

El Reg has permission to scrape the barrel, of course...

(but not to thump it)

0
1

NSA spying is illegal? Then let's make it law, say Republicans

hplasm
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Re: Discount Cards

"My grocery store won't throw me in jail for anything I buy in the store."

The NSA might after looking at the purchase records on the card showing Chemicals that Might be Used in the Pursuit of TURRR!! Eg, Peroxide, bleach, steel wool, iodine etc.

er, I might have said too much...

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

So-

"They are the same threat to us as the communists were..."

Mostly imaginary and a means to trough-up the military-industrial pigs then?

I'm surprised you can leave the house.

1
0

ALIEN HUNT: Water similar to life-bearing Earth lakes FOUND ON MOON of Saturn

hplasm
Silver badge
FAIL

Re: Good lord, you are hitting new lows

"Way to sound like a condescending fool."

Is that your expert opinion?

Tut tut.

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

Re: Serpentinization

Exogorth- might be suitable...

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Exogorth

0
0

Theresa May: Right, THIS time we're getting the Snoopers' Charter in

hplasm
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Re: That MP...

Funny how you never see her and Palpatine in the same room...

7
1

FOUND: NASA's stray balloon located in the middle of nowhere

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Hmmm

Jawas!

Oh- same thing...

0
0

SpaceX Dragon crew capsule in 'CHUTE ABORT drama – don't panic, no one died

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Not on Shuttle-

That what happens when the Black Budget gets its way.

2
1

French MPs say Oui to Le Charteur des Snoopeurs

hplasm
Silver badge
WTF?

If you tolerate this...

...then perhaps you are cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

Zut!

10
1

Round Two in Sky vs Skype trademark scrap goes to Murdoch's men

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

You mean

You know, the guy who can't tell the difference between the comms interception company (skype) and the comms interception company (the one that's linked to news international)

FTFY

0
0

Relax, it's just Ubuntu 15.04. AARGH! IT'S FULL OF SYSTEMD!!!

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: "now that it's well into Debian, Ubuntu really has no choice"

"Your argument falls on its face with the fact that systemd isn't "shite"."

You say shite, I say shit.

Let's call the whole Systemd thing off.

10
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: No thanks

"thats your best argument."

Well, the fact that you need a 'ini-style' set of startup files shows that your linux knowledge is wriiten in large type on the back of your MCSE...

1
2
hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: No thanks

"I suggest you read up about systemd and its capabilities before you spout of complete crap otherwise it makes you look stupid or like a troll."

read it.

Sytemd is still shit.

36
7

Windows 10 bombshell: Microsoft to KILL OFF Patch Tuesday

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

"How the heck do you manage to need a reinstall every month?"

"Overwrite system files with random garbage? "

Well it is about installing MS patches, so draw your own conclusions...

4
9
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Microsoft will release security updates to PCs, tablets and phones 24/7

...leaving not a lot of time to use the things

1
1

Shields up! Shields up! ASTRONAUTS flying to MARS will arrive BRAIN DAMAGED, boffins claim

hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

Plastic better than aluminium?

Less secondary radiation emission from fast cosmic rays- the hydrogen tends to absorb them better, IIRC. Also why lead is not a good candidate for this.

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Voyage of Discovery

"Perhaps a pack of lemons would help?"

"We are working on pharmacologic strategies involving compounds that scavenge free radicals and protect neurotransmission," Limoli said. "But these remain to be optimised and are under development."

So limes, then?

6
0

Who thinks Microsoft Edge SUCKS? Erm, Microsoft

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: thisnewsarticlesucks.com

It would be cheaper for MS to rename themselves as "Our Software Sucks Co.

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: too much to buy

What of the TXT generation?

MSEDJSUX.com

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Hatters Will Hate!

And so we see the wisdom of Men Without Hats - Safety Dance.

It means to be safe, don't use edgy products from MS.

0
0

Boeing 787 software bug can shut down planes' generators IN FLIGHT

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

"The fly-by-wire systems will be fine-

... because the RAT will pop out and leave the sinking plane."

FTFY

7
0

Strange alien-like life zones found beneath Antarctic glacier

hplasm
Silver badge
Terminator

"... then detour to Mars"

Shurely we should take our asses, no?

Arnie Icon...

4
0

Windows 10 hands on: Build 10074 is for the brave - but it's pretty snazzy

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Edge

Doing!

The Win10 version of Bing!

0
0

Ha! Win 10 preview for Raspberry Pi 2 pops out of the Microsoft oven

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Look!

A fish riding a bicycle. How rare!

8
2

This is Sparta? No - it's Microsoft Edge, Son of Internet Explorer

hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Close, but still no cigar

"Why can't MS do this?"

Why would anyone want it?

3
1

Microsoft: It's TRUE, you'll get Android and iOS apps in WINDOWS

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

First Android apps on Windows-

Now iOS apps on Windows.

Whatever happened to Baby Jane...?

1
0

Visual Studio running on OS X and Linux for free? SO close

hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Yeh-but, no-but...

If Windows goes down, what will they have to develop for...?

1
3

Forums