* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Intel shows budget Android phone powering big-screen Linux

hplasm
Happy

"The concept is broadly similar to Microsoft's Continuum for Windows 10 Mobile..."

Except it exists, and apparently works.

'Kalamazoo killer' gave Uber rides in between shooting six dead

hplasm
Headmaster

Re: @Alister

"It would seem he is a man with mental health problems..."

Sounds like a terrist to me!

hplasm
Meh

Re: @Alister

"The reason why he's not a terrorist is that..."

the media haven't called him one.

NASA boffin wants FRIKKIN LASERS to propel lightsails

hplasm
Coat

Re: Would them there lasers be shark mounted ?

"...what happens when they unionise ?"

They lose their overall charge.

Black Monday: Office 365 down and out in Europe

hplasm
Facepalm

Office 365 outage?

Not really news any more, is it?

HP Inc Elite X3: Windows 10 phablet for enterprise-y types

hplasm
Meh

Greybeards be waitin' 'cos Windows be rollin'...

...downhill fast!

FTFY

Linux Mint forums hacked: All users urged to reset passwords

hplasm
Facepalm

Re:Surely Mint is nubs standing on the ghost of Windows?

Windows is dead?

Rejoice!

What we all really need is an SD card for our cars. Thanks, SanDisk

hplasm
Devil

Re: Monster cables for cars

"But hey, if people *think*..."

Aye, there's the rub!

Facebook sniffs at slow telcos, launches own Telecom Infrastructure Project

hplasm
Happy

Facebook saves the world!

1. Zuck buys BT

2. Zuck closes BT down

3. Zuck unrolls fibre everywhere

4. PROFIT!

He has lots of cash, but few friends...

Linux Mint hacked: Malware-infected ISOs linked from official site

hplasm
Gimp

And yet you'd doubtless have laughed your tackle off if this had been Windows...

Jokes are for laughing at.

hplasm
Devil

Re: compromised

"'Tis a Shame Keith, that you don't know a compromised website from your compromised MS Windows PC."

Duh- Is that the big 'e'?

hplasm
Meh

Re: With success, comes malware..

"IIRC it took a week for a search for Code Red on microsoft.com to return anything relevant."

Be fair- it takes more than a week to find anything on microsoft.com. Longer if you use Bing(e).

hplasm
Windows

Re: Or...

Windowlickers are restless tonight, sir...

hplasm
Meh

The ghost of SCO

Bursts forth one last time just before the credits roll for a final stab at linux...

Smells of a large co, or the adherents thereof, or their acolytes- or some dicks.

Solution to tech bros' disgust of SF homeless people launched

hplasm
Happy

Re: Yes, but HOW exactly?

" I would hate to visit the new Apple Campus, only to be greeted by a talking shrub."

That would be a reason (only reason?) to visit!

hplasm
FAIL

re:a few bullets would be far cheaper and more permanent

That would make a mess of the board room. Motion Carried!

Oh- you meant for the poor?

US DoJ files motion to compel Apple to obey FBI iPhone crack order

hplasm
Devil

Re: AC Here's what you do tim...

And the matt came back, the very next...year.

Must have been an eclipse or something...

Microsoft patent filing confirms existence of 3D Jedi gesture phone

hplasm
Holmes

Re: petalium@gmail.com

You have too many phones...

hplasm
Meh

Jedi Phone from MS

A Lumia, with a Kinect bolted on top.

Q: How many guns to arm nine coachloads of terrorists?

hplasm

"Okay, tonight's movie will be Hot Fuzz."

Oo- I'll have a cornetto, then.

hplasm
Coat

Re: So why ...

"Hunters? Given the nature of some the weapons, (an anti-tank missile, and an uzi with a bayonette) that concept brings the Monty Python sketch Mosquito Hunting to mind:"

American squirrel hunters, then.

hplasm
Happy

Re:Does this mean there would also be 72 coachloads of virgins?

Only when the first eight sets of 9 coaches arrive at the destination...

hplasm
Coat

Re: Standard measure

Rubberdinghy Sithole, the founder of ZANU in Rhodesia?

The paperless office? Don’t talk sheet

hplasm
Happy

"I applied for some stuff at the US Embassy a few years ago."

I'm surprised they could scan A4 paper!

Aussie bloaters gorging on junk food 'each and every day'

hplasm
Coat

Re: 'religious stretching'

Long Pope is Looonnngggg!!

Your anger is our energy, says Microsoft as it fixes Surface

hplasm
Unhappy

Re: I have Surface Pro 4 and lots of problems

Xrist, what a palaver. Isn't it easier to get a refund and buy something that works out of the box?

hplasm
Happy

Windows 10 must be like red bull...

Or a red rag to a bull.

Or a bit of rag.

hplasm
Stop

Re: Early adopters ....

"...this once fine organisation...."

Steady on now.

Brits unveil 'revolutionary' hydrogen-powered car

hplasm
Happy

Re: I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but...

It looks a bit futury- in a '70s way.

Oz town suffers hairy panic attack

hplasm
Happy

"...Donald Trump intends to expel Salsola tragus from the United States..."

He wants to get rid of weed. Check.

It's Russian, hence foreign. Check.

Is this the part of Russia Sarah Palin can see from her house, or is the tumbleweed the one in her head?

</slightlyTenuousConnections>

China wants to bring home moon rocks in moon vacuum

hplasm
Happy

Re: How do they get the vacuum in there?

"...What will be a bit more difficult is preparing the vacuum examination chamber, "

Naw- fill an extra bag with moon vacuum...

hplasm
Joke

So-

Dad, what happens if I try to breathe in a vacuum?

You'll Dyson.

Gigabit duplex DOCSIS 3.1 passes feasibility study, kind of

hplasm
Happy

The Y axis is time?

Sometimes...

Azure lost some virtual machine backups for eleven hours

hplasm
Holmes

Re: 99.99% Availibility.

Send money to: Clown Computing Inc. Now!!! Save $.

US Dept of Defense to shift 4 million devices onto Windows 10

hplasm
Terminator

On August 4, 2016, Skynet was launched

At 2:14 a.m., EDT, on August 29, it failed to become self-aware, as it was still running Windows 10.

Batteries not included.

China 'evacuates' 9,000 around monster radio 'scope

hplasm
Thumb Up

improbable units calculator

Can we get these added to the Reg Store?

Microsoft Office 365: You don't need 27 floppies, but there is desktop friction

hplasm
Coat

Re: 2013 / 2016 / 365 for small businesses

" its about as relevant as that giraffe over there."

That's no giraffe...it's a pie chart.

hplasm
Coat

Re: 2013 / 2016 / 365 for small businesses

You seem to be experiencing some friction- do you want help with that?

Good news ... and bad news for Skype-using Apple fans and small biz

hplasm
Windows

Re: Muppets

" MS get it in the rear regardless of what they do..."

And how they do it.

They should try not being shit.

Patch ASAP: Tons of Linux apps can be hijacked by evil DNS servers, man-in-the-middle miscreants

hplasm
WTF?

Re: I'll bet...

You can tell it's half-term at Donkey Molesting School...

UK to stop children looking at online porn. How?

hplasm
Meh

Re: Stupid or lying?

2They aren't stupid. You don't get to be in the top 0.1% by being stupid." <Citation Needed>

hplasm
Headmaster

Re: Whuh?

"...on a on a secure server so that the goverment ..."

Sorry, you cannot conflate the phrase 'secure server' and 'government' in the same sentence.

'Hobbit' heads aren't human says bone boffin

hplasm
Holmes

Not Hobbits!?!?!

Must be Orcs, then.

Is this the last ever Lumia?

hplasm
Coat

Re: Epic Fail

Sinn Fail?

Ofcom must tackle 'monopolistic' provider BT, says shadow digital minister Chi Onwurah

hplasm
FAIL

Re: Is the issue Openreach

BT have been paid a shitload of public cash to do what they are reluctant to. VM etc are still in debt for their fibre rollouts.

Coding is more important than Shakespeare, says VC living in self-contained universe

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: He's right

"...learning a trade is more important than being well read."

Or you could become a VC.

hplasm

Re: Excellent article

"...drill teeth, remove spleens, diagnose common diseases of the kitten, weld two-inch-thick copper plate, cut three pieces of wood so that they fit together into a beautiful corner, write C++, read Danish, design an injection-mould ejector which actually ejects the pieces..."

That's what I do in my spare time... and read the odd bit of bard at work.

Brit spies can legally hack PCs and phones, say Brit spies' overseers

hplasm
Big Brother

Re: Think about this

"Job for life, good pension :-)"

Retire as a dead body in a holdall...

Send tortuous stand-up ‘nine-thirty’ meetings back to the dark ages

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Morning Prayers

"...the early meetings were "Come to Jesus meetings""

There's a meeting!

There is? When...Oh Jesus!

hplasm
Coat

"TL: You weren't at the town hall this morning."

Yes I was.

No- I didn't see you there.

I was- by the Civic Hall steps...