* Posts by hplasm

3803 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

BOFH: Thermo-electric funeral

hplasm
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I need a cooling hammer!

To go with the server mallet and network mace.

And the LART...

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'Impossible' EmDrive flying saucer thruster may herald new theory of inertia

hplasm
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WTF?

garbage. this is BUNK.

There are kids on your lawn- did you know?

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hplasm
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Boffin

Re: question

I don't believe this has an exhaust. That's what all the excitement is about.

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Stalled cloud growth, software flatlining, hated Lumias unsold... It's all fine, says Microsoft CEO

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: And in other news

"...You folks should study investing rather than sit around hating Microsoft..."

How much for your Grandmother?

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Official: EU goes after Google, alleges it uses Android to kill competition

hplasm
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Stop

Why don't the EU

Bing off?

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Intel literally decimates workforce: 12,000 will be axed, CFO shifts to sales

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Food for thought?

"'food for thought' for the Linux crowd. As in: What are they still doing wrong?"

Nothing. The Wintards, however...

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Utah declares 'war on smut'

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Foolishness

" But what will happen when they grow breasts?"

they can work for porn sites!

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Obama London visit prompts drone no-fly zone

hplasm
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Happy

Re: any small balloon ... banned from large swathes of airspace below 2,500ft

" Coat, because it doubles as a glidey suit thing."

You are Vector, and I claim my Great Pyramid!

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: any small balloon ... banned from large swathes of airspace below 2,500ft

"So large balloons are ok?"

Motorcade in sight. Deploy the Kill-o-Cat weapon!

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Snafu! BT funnels all customers' sent email into one poor sod's inbox

hplasm
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Happy

That's my BT!

Don't expect sympathy around here...

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Clucking hell! Farcical free-range egg standard pecked apart by app

hplasm
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Meh

I'll trust farmers-

When the egg box advertises 'Free Range Rover'.

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Idiot millennials are saving credit card PINs on their mobile phones

hplasm
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Happy

Re: How would they ever unlock it?

They keep the phone PIN on the nearest ATM...

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HMRC Verify is '2nd class'

hplasm
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Big Brother

"...Also concidering the govenment will not pay for good security."

Soon, the Govt will get rid of good security, encryption etc.

Job done!

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Embrace, extend – and kill. Microsoft discontinues RoboVM

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Spot on

" if The Register didn't bash Microsoft for no reason..."

The Internet's not big enough to list the reasons to bash Microsoft.

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Windows 10 Mobile races to summer with useful facelift

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Yes, we get it. MSFT BAAAD!

Mindless drivel from a MS OneCore ,er, evangelist.

And I don't mean the article.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: emoji

Win 10- Windows for 10 yr olds... yay!

Also, woo!

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You won't believe this, but… nothing useful found on Farook iPhone

hplasm
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Pirate

Re: On the "stupiidity" of people

" Most humans are born with a brain that prefers conformity to society."

Not all of them...

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This headline will, in part, cost pepper-spraying University of California, Davis $175k

hplasm
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Re: UC Davis Lieutenant John Pike pepper spray

So basically, what you are saying is:

Presumably the SEO campaign by UC Davis (where Lieutenant John Pike pepper sprayed a peaceful student demo) was designed to put other search results above any containing the terms, "UC Davis", "Lieutenant John Pike" and "pepper spray". This will be quite difficult if there are many other pages with those terms ( "UC Davis", "Lieutenant John Pike" and "pepper spray"). Perhaps it would have been better if UC Davis had never entrusted Lieutenant John Pike wth such harmful weapons as pepper spray. Then they wouldn't find themselves having to try and beat the search rankings for "UC Davis", "Lieutenant John Pike" and "pepper spray". That's, "UC Davis", "Lieutenant John Pike" and "pepper spray".

I see.

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BT hauled into Old Bailey after engineer's 7-metre fall broke both his ankles

hplasm
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WTF?

Re: More than reported here?

"Frankly, yes. Natural selection's a bitch."

And frankly, should your number come up, I imagine you won't be missed.

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Hey, Atlantis Computing. What the heck is this in your EULA?

hplasm
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Devil

Pity-

that this doesn't stop them from advertising the kit too...

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Vaizey: Legal right to internet access, sure. But I'm NOT gonna die on the 10Mbps hill

hplasm
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Coat

Whut??

"... but really when you put a satellite on the house you are going to get nearer 10Mbps if not more."

Depending on the size of the satellite on your house, you will either:-

a. Have a satellite on your house.

b) Have a house that has been crushed by a satellite.

Don't see where internet access comes into it...

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Line by line, how the US anti-encryption bill will kill our privacy, security

hplasm
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Joke

" (With the CP standing for Cat Pictures, or possibly Chincillas,"

Chia Pets?

Phwoarr!

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hplasm
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Happy

Digital pitchfork...

1. Encrypt nasty PC virus.

2. Punch a Fed.

3.Get PC confiscated and decrypted.

4.BZZZZZKKKTT!!!

5.Profit!

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Microsoft: We have a bullet ready for 12 competencies

hplasm
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Devil

Re: "...take advantage of the unprecedented demand we’re seeing for Windows 10..."

"It's unprecedented for the demand for anything to be so low!"

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Ofcom promises to have details on duct and pole access by summer

hplasm
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Meh

BAU

"So all the other ISP's will hire the cheapest guys they can to take as many shortcuts as they can to stick cables in BT's ducts"

Taking on BT at their own game, eh?

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Prof Hawking to mail postage-stamp space craft to Alpha Centauri using frickin' lasers

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: IKEAShot 1

"You will have to keep that lazer on-target for more than a few minutes..."

Or wake him up and tell him to turn the LASER on.

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hplasm
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Re: Douglas Adams

"A goat"

eats stars.

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Windows 10 debuts Blue QR Code of Death – and why malware will love it

hplasm
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Meh

"...the OS will complete a crash dump before rebooting"

And when it doesn't reboot?

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hplasm
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Devil

The QR code will lead to the fault diagnosis:-

"Windows 10 installation detected!"

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Saturn spacecraft immune to mysterious Planet 9's charms

hplasm
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Headmaster

Planet 9???

It's still bloody Planet 10.

Proof? DwarfPlanet still has the word 'planet' in it.

danm Pluto haters... I'm triggered!!!1111 eleventy

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Field technicians want to grab my tool and probe my things

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: An innocent explanation

"...Best to wear long sleeved rubber gauntlets..."

Don't you wear these at all times? I do...

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How Remix's Android will eat the world

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: "Remix OS with...

"Indeed - I can't do shit with Android that I can do with Windows..." and Windows is where the shit is.

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Want a job in security? Lock down US military's supermarkets

hplasm
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Meh

Looking at the past few months POS scams-

It might be better to secure all US supermarkets from hacking...

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Look who's here to solve the Internet of Things' security nightmare – hey, it's Uncle Sam

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Power Grab by Bureaucrats

'First question for the ferals is: "Do you know what you are talking about?" '

"Sure! IoT! Internet of Tubes!"

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Read America's insane draft crypto-borking law that no one's willing to admit they wrote

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Not a chance.

"Maybe what is necessary is an actual, personal cost to any Senator or administrative official trying for these anti-People measures."

But- but- isn't that what the 2nd amendment is all about?

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hplasm
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Re: Senators with Disabilities Act

On the bright side- 10 minutes after banking encryption is outlawed, all IT people have a chance to get very, very rich indeed!

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Watch: SpaceX finally lands Falcon rocket on robo-barge in one piece

hplasm
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Re: It's an impressive *technical* achievement

Because if it doesn't lower their prices a lot, so what?

It can increase the number of launches possible in a set period as well?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: meeces to pieces

"The mice, of course, were furious..."

Slartibartfast.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: Congratulations etc.

Sadly, due to the spread of American culture to the World...

"Hey all you rocket techies, stop sounding like a bunch of Homer Simpsons."

There, FTFY.

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Microsoft rethinks the Windows application platform one more time

hplasm
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Devil

"You can tell MS is in dire straits when the Distinguished Engineer can't even afford a shaver."

He's trying to grow a 'neckbeard'- MS types think they let you understand complex softwares, apparently.

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hplasm
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Windows

Re: Learning or just trying a different push??

"Very nice, but there are 99 Windows customers for every Linux customer."

Linux has users. Windows has customers, and one is born every minute.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Win10 Snakes and Ladders

And....down the backwards-compatibility snake we go. Into a nest of vipers.

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That naked picture on my PC? Not mine. The IT guy put it there

This post has been deleted by a moderator

London to Dover 'smart' road could help make driverless cars mainstream – expert

hplasm
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Happy

Re: better start

The M25 would be a great start - get rid of all of the drivers!

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Ubuntu plugs code exec, DoS Linux kernel holes

hplasm
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Devil

Re: The only constant is change

"...improvements to systemd..."

You mean- it's gone?

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There's oil in that thar … Chinese space probe?

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Another idea.

You want a rain of shit?

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Florida weed suspect cuffed after hoverboard pursuit

hplasm
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Flame

Go faster!

Or just burst into flames!! Go on!!! Oh, sod it...

<jumps off, runs> Lack of ---->

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Humans get 'aroused' fondling robots in their private areas – study

hplasm
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Happy

Robophiles?

Cyberpaedos.

Now to get the Trrrrrrsts on board for the set!

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Microsoft lures top Linux exec from Oracle to Redmond

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Actually, not quite the case

"So if those central servers went down, then it would very quickly become impossible to bring up a new Windows computer."

Karma. Not pretty.

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Microsoft smells Musk, splashes on 'Mune' space program

hplasm
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WTF?

MS enters orbit-

- Time for a much thicker tinfoil hat!

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