* Posts by hplasm

4146 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Lethal 4-hour-erection-causing spiders spill out of bunch of ASDA bananas

hplasm
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Happy

Re: What A Way To Go....

"That would be pronounced "My-co--za-flow--pin"."

You you really think so? Here?

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Wow, RIP hackers ... It's Cyber-Lord Blunkett to the rescue for UK big biz

hplasm
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Cyber Force!

It's like the Blin... oh never mind...

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We live in a world where a 'Hamdog' burger hybrid is patented

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Quick...

Poke a hole in the burger and push the hotdog into it.

The Blackholedogger.

Bun may need to be 4 Dimensional...

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hplasm
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Holmes

Hamdogs-

10000000% * better patent than any software patent.

* I know, I know...

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Are you sure you want to outsource IT? Yes/No. Check this box to accept Ts&Cs

hplasm
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Happy

Re: The Cloud...

"They all float up here..." q.v. Clown Computing... "Other peoples computers you have no control over... Hahahaha! "

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Greybeards beware: Hair dye for blokes outfit Just For Men served trojan

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Fancy that!

Just for Men has a website.

But why... "Hey! Guess what? I'm secretly grey!" ?? I can't see it being popular.

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Microsoft sues Wisconsin man (again) for copyright infringement (again)

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Maybe he can...

Ah, but RedHat is turning into Windows Lite*, so that would be different.

(* You know I was going to say SystemD** here, so I won't bother...)

** Or whatever. Pile of shit.by any other name...

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Will US border officials demand social network handles from visitors?

hplasm
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Facepalm

Stupid questions...

Answered by stupid people.

What will they do if you don't have or use SM? Not let you in?

'Don't go' would be the answer- but see above...

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Margaret Hodge's book outlines 'mind boggling' UK public sector waste

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Sheep shall safely graze

Maybe, but if a company screws up too many times it gets more Government procurement contacts.

FTFY...

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Target lost, Cruz missile misses: Ted's ICANN crusade is basically over

hplasm
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Pint

Re: The Bill, and Ted's excellent adventure

Excellent!

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CSC straps another 100 jobs to redundo cannon, lights fuse, walks off

hplasm
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Go

Re: “over-capacity” in the sales force and within the “delivery organisations”

Sounds like time for all to jump ship!

Remember how Bugs Bunny used to step out of the falling elevator just as it hit the ground? Just like that...

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Fanbois iVaporate: Smallest Apple iPhone queues ever

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Hmm

Have an Internet! COTW!

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: <Shrug>

"I use, and prefer, iPhones.."

So you already look like a fool? Saves time I suppose.

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Hardly Scientific

"iPhone doesn't have a target market...."

Probably the same as Coca Cola's, McD's, Disney etc.

Bored twits with too much spare cash.

BTW- you have spittle on your iPhone 7. Best to queue up for a new one...

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hplasm
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Gimp

Fanboys who only dream of innovation

Can't wait for the next iInnovation- the no-Screen iPhone.

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National Cyber Security Centre to shift UK to 'active' defence

hplasm
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WTF?

Active Defence?

DDos the class A address space, proactively...

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Audi works with Chinese technology companies to develop intelligent cars

hplasm
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Joke

Will they do one for Rap music?

In collaboration with 50Cent?

Spinners optional...

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hplasm
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Re: We'll need self diving cars

"...self diving cars..."

Another use for MS Surface tech?

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hplasm
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Devil

Audi Intelligent cars.

Lock their drivers out*. Film at 11.

*After monitoring whether indicators have ever been used or not.

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Remote hacker nabs Win10 logins in 'won't-fix' Safe Mode* attack

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Parable: The Return of the Prodical Son.

Protological?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: The fun* never ends

* Other fun may be available.

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Lauri Love extradition A-OK

hplasm
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Meh

Cue gloating-

-by the usual suspect(s).

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Rise of the Machines at Sea: The British firm building robot boats

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Submarine tracker

"...drop a small roboat..."

Well done Efros- Roboat is now a thing!

Have a beer!

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hplasm
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Re: "do things in a very responsible way"

But- it is a Surface Craft...

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Two Sundays wrecked by boss who couldn't use a calendar

hplasm
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Devil

Re: "Have you been forced to do utterly pointless work?"

"pointless filling-in of time sheets"

tha's the first thing that goes down on them- every day.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: At least make sure your contract include TOIL

Maybe you interpret this differently "and, worst of all, his contract didn't include overtime"

Indeed- it also didn't say that he worked on weekends for nothing.

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hplasm
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Boffin

Re: Powering up in the right order

"Is it possible to design a network that will..."

The 'network' would probably be fine. The convoluted jenga stack that passes for 'modern' servers, not so much.

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hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: At least make sure your contract include TOIL

To be accurate- it doesn't say he wasn't paid, but he wasn't paid Extra for the overtime.

ie The US model...

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Azure is on fire, your DNS is terrified

hplasm
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Windows

"I know which one I'll take."

In house MS button pushers or Azure MS button pushers? Why choose- just close your eyes and toss a coin.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: The cloud strikes again

3Jane finds your lack of faith disturbing, young Tessier-Ashpool...

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hplasm
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Holmes

Blimey!

Who would ever think such a thing could happen?

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Microsoft: Our AI speech recognition mangles your words the least

hplasm
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Re: So effing what.

"all that sort of information to the likes of Microsoft, Goole and the rest."

It's not Goole you need to worry about, it's Scunthorpe.

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hplasm
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Happy

"I'm sorry Dave," said Cortana, sadly.

"I haven't a clue what you're on about. And your nose wobbles when you speak, did you know that? It's very distracting. Now what were you saying again? Eh? What? "

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Microsoft Desktop Bridge opens, Win32 apps can now cross into Windows Store

hplasm
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Re: Too late for me

That's a good start, at least!

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Ted Cruz channels Senator McCarthy in wrongheaded internet power grab crusade

hplasm
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Holmes

I don't know much about Cruz.

But I do know now that he's an idiot.

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Google's become an obsessive stalker and you can't get a restraining order

hplasm
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Holmes

Danger!

"Security researcher... "almost had a heart attack" when he walked into a McDonald's "

Tip: Stay away from McD's to avoid cardiovascular problems.

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Using a thing made by Microsoft, Apple or Adobe? It probably needs a patch today

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Obviously

Nah- DevOps, shurely?!?

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Microsoft's Service Fabric for Linux hits public preview

hplasm
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Linux

Re: Can't you already do all this stuff in Linux

True, but without the Emperor's New Clothes*.

Far too simple.

*Fabric, eh?

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Luxe cable crimper

hplasm
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Meh

Aha-

While it looks nice, it's another expensive (capex, so acceptable) way to replace expensive skilled cablemonkeys (opex, so unacceptable) with cheap unskilled cablemonkeys.

Beancounter's delight.

More cash freed up for the yacht fund! trebles all round!

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Microsoft leads group pelting 'heavy duty' robot maker with $10.5m

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Fundamentally transform them into what?

BSOD

Big Sack 'o' Dung?

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hplasm
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Terminator

MS exosuit!

This --->

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Jeff Bezos' thrusting cylinder makes Elon Musk's look minuscule

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: Paper rocket

"I've seen a LOT of rockets never make it out of Powerpoint."

Any rocket designed in Powerpoint should never get out.

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Microsoft thinks time crystals may be viable after all

hplasm
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Thumb Down

Re: Dr. WHO?

A Microsoft TARDIS?

Oh, just No.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: My. Brain. Hurts.

"How long until science enters the realm of 'indistinguishable from magic' for most people?"

At least 15-20 years...ago.

Sad, isn't it.

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hplasm
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Devil

In other news-

Microsoft thinks Timecube is also viable.

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'Oi! El Reg! Stop pretending Microsoft has a BSOD monopoly!'

hplasm
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Devil

Re: A lot of these time....

"...bottom of the range windows PC's"

As opposed to -??? windows PCs?

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Airbag bug forces GM to recall 4.3m vehicles – but eh, how about those self-driving cars, huh?

hplasm
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Re: What about an OTA update??

"Do any cars attempt to rely on wifi?"

Er, Google street view?

*goes darknet*

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hplasm
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Pint

Re: The recall does not extend to Bulgaria

Sir!

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hplasm
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Re: And the 'Sentence of the Year' award goes to...

"Nowadays, everything suffers from systemd syndrome. "

I prefer this. With big brass knobs on.

The epitaph of the early 2000s.

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hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Checking online might be difficult if...

"One would think the high end vehicles would get the "better" systems."

But not the better drivers, eh? Think about it.

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