* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Milk IN the teapot: Innovation or abomination?

hplasm
Happy

No milk-?

That is fine (and good) for those forrinn teas! Not for a proppa cuppa.

Apply the teats!

New US spy satellite in orbit

hplasm
Happy

Re: Geostationary?

Trumpwatch- just in case...

Cyberpunks might not be crooks but they're really very rude

hplasm
Happy

El Eg

The larval form of El Regg?

Microsoft axes 2,850 more Windows Phone, sales staff – a week after Justin Timberlake sang on stage for them

hplasm
Linux

Re: Also a name change-

For many, but a decreasing number, Linux is an unknown option.

For many, but an increasing number, MS is a known -to be getting worse- option.

hplasm
Facepalm

Also a name change-

From 'WinPho' to 'LosePho'.

Cortana expelled from Windows 10's new school editions

hplasm
Devil

Re: Welcome to the brave new world of SAAS

"That already happens..." if you have a VW.

hplasm
Happy

Re: Bah!

I'd go with Umbongo- they use it in the Congo....

Church organist nabbed for playing glory hole in excelsis

hplasm
Happy

Need I say anything...?

"...my love of playing organ music and giving my gift back to God"

Ohhh God!!

fnarr!!

Microsoft stops to smell the roses, creates the Shazam of flowers

hplasm
Devil

Worth it-

To hear Cortana sing- "Daisy, Daiiisyyy...give...mee...youuurrr..aaaannnsseerrrr,,doooooo....."

The very latest on the DNC email conspiracy. Which conspiracy? All of them, of course!

hplasm
Happy

Re: Enjoyed it

Also +1 Intenet for the term 'goat rodeo'.

Alleged hacker Lauri Love will learn his fate in September, says judge

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: WTF?

"So, a "medical" history in which he admits he is just completely unable to act in a sociably-acceptable manner? Great, let him plead insanity and lock him in a padded room for the rest of his life"

So Mr Pot- you want a cellmate? Meet Mr Kettle.

Free Windows 10 upgrade: Time is running out – should you do it?

hplasm
Devil

Oh and where has safe mode gone ?

It's not safe- not secure.

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: yes i saw the icon, but still

"I think you need to recalibrate your notions of slavery."

When MS recalibrate their notions of 'upgrading'...

hplasm
Devil

Re: Why has there never been a reasonably priced upgrade path from Home to Pro?

Or get a pimp?

hplasm
Happy

Re: Just like to say . . . .

"You're not supposed to eat it!"

A million bluebottles can't be wrong...

I don't like Mondays, Pokemon, Twitter or Facebook – Sir Bob Geldof

hplasm
Meh

Angry young man

becomes moaning old fart.

Microsoft ordered to fix 'excessively intrusive, insecure' Windows 10

hplasm
Devil

"...it's the tools part which isn't working as well."

That's because the tools are in charge.

Microsoft tweaks TCP stack in Windows Server and Windows 10

hplasm
Meh

Re: Took their time

Microsoft Networking. Two words that do not ever belong together.

Web meltdown: BT feels heat from angry punters

hplasm
Unhappy

That was the dream...

Profit!!

That's the reality...

Africa's MeerKAT looks at the sky, surprises boffins with 1,300 galaxies

hplasm
Happy

Re: Universe, life and everything

"I don't need drugs to enjoy this- just to enhance it!"

Otto.

Hackers steal millions from ATMs using 'just their smartphones'

hplasm
Happy

Was it a cellphone-

- or an Atari Portfolio...?

Debian: s/Chairman/Chair/g

hplasm
Unhappy

Re: Debinane

Sadly, Ian has already been chopped.

Pity Systemd can't be chopped.

One in five consumers upgraded to Win10 for free instead of buying a PC

hplasm
Devil

Re: Why would they have bought a new PC?

Only a masochist would have installed Windows 8.

FTFY

It's not our fault we don't hire black people, says Facebook

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Numbers games, surely?

10e6 Internets for you, Sir!

Graphene is actually self-folding origami, proclaim physicists

hplasm
Happy

I've seen that picture before-

In the Andromeda Strain.

We are all going to die!

It's 2016 and Windows lets crims poison your printer drivers

hplasm
Devil

Re: Software contains bugs

What Microsoft actually said was "This new Windows must be built from the ground-up for a mobile-first, cloud-first world.”

Followed by-

"Ah, sod it. Release!"

hplasm
Meh

The headline-

-is not a surprise...

You can buy Windows 10 Enterprise E3 access for the price of a coffee

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Cash shortage ?

Masochists will always find the money to get themselves abused. See the fanboi posts above...

hplasm
Gimp

Re: you pay 7 bucks for a coffee?

"Why is it not possible to have a single article...waaaaa."

Said a windows moron.

Tesla whacks guardrail in Montana, driver blames autopilot

hplasm
Happy

Easy solution-

"And what makes you think that a radar will see a wooden stake?"

Tie a vampire to the front bumper.

hplasm
Happy

Re: Idiots!

Warning: Do not taunt Traffic-aware cruise control!!

Microsoft's cringey 'Hey bae <3' recruiter email translated by El Reg

hplasm
Happy

Re: Every time I see "<3"...

"Yeah, it always looks like a cock and balls to me too. So what *does* it mean?"

Asshat?

Physicists confirm X(4140)

hplasm

It's colourful...

Wannabe Prime Minister Andrea Leadsom thinks all websites should be rated – just like movies

hplasm
Devil

Re: Andrea Leadsom...

She always said "I am proud to be Britain's first Prime Minister who is a ...chemist."

(Jack) Boots?

hplasm
Happy

Re: Andrea Leadsom...

"Which she put to good use in helping to invent "Mr Whippy"."

Douglas Hurd?

Wannabe West Midlands gun smuggler jailed for ten months

hplasm
Angel

Re: Serf's up

Sure he does- he's in jail for having (bits of ) one.

Lauri Love at risk of suicide if extradited to US, Brit court hears

hplasm
Childcatcher

Re: After Gary McKinnon...

Don't shout, you teat.

No means no: Windows 10 nagware's red X will stop update – Microsoft

hplasm
Gimp

Love Windows-

Or it will stalk you.

And rape your computer if you don't give in.

Nice.

Those Xbox Fitness vids you 'bought'? Look up the meaning of the word 'rent'

hplasm
Devil

Re: There's an old saying

How about a new saying?

Stop giving Microsoft money

then the problem will solve itself.

My plan to heal this BROKEN, BREXITED BRITAIN

hplasm
Pirate

Re: Missed a trick.

And then tow Britain outsideof its Territorial Waters* and run it as Pirate Britain!

* Possibly mooted by The Goodies?

'I urge everyone to fight back' – woman wins $10k from Microsoft over Windows 10 misery

hplasm
Gimp

Re: GOOD FOR HER!

"I think this person should have ANYTHING pertaining to Microsoft taken from any device he/she uses, and be banned from using it again, EVER"

She should be so lucky!

You have flecks of spittle on your screen. Did you know?

Special delivery: Activists drop 100,000 net neutrality complaints on FCC

hplasm
Happy

Re: What if our minds are more infinite than the Universe?

What if they are smaller than a pi meson? what then, eh?

Holy Crap! Bloke finishes hand-built CPU project!

hplasm
Coat

So-

It's von Newman architecture...?

Beer for you also, Sir!

Utah sheriffs blow $10,000 on smut-sniffing Labrador

hplasm
Coat

Re: Divine idea

Most guys have a porn divining rod...

hplasm
Happy

"How does one sniff out porn exactly ?"

Check the hedgerows...

Netflix picks fight with internet exchange industry

hplasm
Paris Hilton

$22,000 a year – a "pretty good hourly rate,"

Depends on how many hours they work, shurley?

Microsoft joins battery-saving browser bandwagon with Edge claims

hplasm
Devil

Re: Blegh

But it will save you battery- you won't want to use the device at all!

Major Tim Peake comes home to a gastronaut's Sunday roast

hplasm
Happy

Re: Ethnocentric reporting

Are you saying we have reached peak Peake?

Official: Microsoft goes to pot, gives weed growers fix they need

hplasm
Holmes

Hey buddy- try a puff of this-

Well?- what do you think of Windows 10 now...?

Lester Haines: RIP

hplasm
Unhappy

Damn!!

RIP.

What else can I say. Condolences to all who knew him.