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* Posts by hplasm

2637 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

END your Macbook SHAME: Convert it into a Microsoft SURFACE

hplasm
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WTF?

Re: Cheaper still

"A 4 notepad and a Parker pen?"

Or throw your macbook under a bus...

YOYOY?

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SOULLESS machine-intelligence ROBOT cars to hit Blighty in 2015

hplasm
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Devil

Re: I want both

"I wonder how automated cars will handle..."

Better than most drivers, probably- certainly better than most RWD drivers in ice...

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Warm, perhaps ALIEN LIFE-bearing water gushers FOUND ON MOON of Saturn

hplasm
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WTF?

Re: Think electricity....are we allowed to in public ? ? ?

"Basically everything we know is baloney."

that seems apparent.

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Bitcoin on ATM? Pfft! We play DOOM on ours

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Kinda neat...

Or NatWest Bank...

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Microsoft bakes a bigger Pi to cook Windows slabs

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Huh?

"Comes with a windows license"

Included in boxes of cereals (serials?) next...

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'Blow it up': Plods pop round for chat with Commonwealth Games tweeter

hplasm
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FAIL

Perhaps-

some of them are practicing to jump ship to the Met if Scotland goes it alone?

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Sysadmin Day 2014: Quick, there's still time to get the beers in

hplasm
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Pint

This-

For all.

Hapopy SysAdminDay!

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FRIKKIN' LASERS could REPLACE fibre-optic comms cables

hplasm
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Re: Why?

Misdirection.

This is prototype 'confinement beam' tech.

It's Transporter trans-physics 101,Cap'n!

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Microsoft: We're making ONE TRUE WINDOWS to rule us all

hplasm
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Meh

Re: The Plan

"The future does not look to bright."

Not for MS it doesn't...

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Captain Kirk sets phaser to SLAUGHTER after trying new Facebook app

hplasm
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Coat

"Khaaaaaan-

-'t see a use for this app!"

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Nadella: Apps must run on ALL WINDOWS – PCs, slabs and mobes

hplasm
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Meh

"...developers are targeting not just Windows Phone customers..."

"... with their apps, but the entire Windows installed base of 3.2 billion users."

How many of which run the crappy app UI?

I don't think so...

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UK government officially adopts Open Document Format

hplasm
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Re: Better but still a bit of a pigs ear

"...ditch paper shaped shit altogether."

But it's self-wiping!

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hplasm
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Thumb Up

And so begins-

The Enlightenment.

About bloody time too.

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Report: American tech firms charge Britons a thumping nationality tax

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: I think...

Many moons ago on a trip to the US, a friend of mine was outraged by the $ price of trainers being half of what he had just paid in £.

The trainers were made in the UK (those were the days) just around the corner from his house.

Not impressed- considering they had to be sent over the pond...

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Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

hplasm
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Happy

"No if only I could use that just once in our call logging system!"

You can- but only once...

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CERN data explains how Higgs heavies other matter

hplasm
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Boffin

"...the outcomes of 20.3 inverse femtobarns"

Marvelous banter!

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Microsoft: OK, Office 365 sellers – you can be customers' 'first contact'

hplasm
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Devil

In other news-

Microsoft aquires a bargepole.

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Space geeks' resurrected NASA Sun probe ISEE-3 now on collision course with THE MOON

hplasm
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Happy

Scotty?

His ashes are in space- possibly clogging up satellite thrusters...

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Read the proposed US ASTEROIDS Act to green-light mining IN SPAAAACE

hplasm
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Pirate

Space Pirates?

I'm in!

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Royal Navy parks 470 double-decker buses on Queen Elizabeth

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Exact Change

Mary Whitehouse. Experience.

possibly both...

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hplasm
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Pint

Re: Exact Change

Trojan Buses.

That will keep them guessing.

But- a bottle of Islay Malt!

Sacrilege!

</You Poured it On a Fish?>

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UK Xmas 2014: Go to shops a normal human, walk out a glasshole

hplasm
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Devil

What to get?

Violence magnet Glasses or Blue Expensive Doorwedge?

Tricky...

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Windows users: You get a patch! And you get a patch! And you get a patch! Everybody gets...

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Virgin Media better warn their users then..

Sounds more like BT...

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ANGRY ALIENS hit by BEBO SPAMGASM probably don't exist

hplasm
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Coat

They did exist-

But the Bebo Blast blew then up!

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When PR backfires: Google 'forgets' BBC TV man's banker blog post

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Get a grip!!!

"I use Yahoo! and am very happy."

I imagine you will be applying to have that comment forgotten, eventually...

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hplasm
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Facepalm

"Do No Harm"

Google are doctors now?

Derp.

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Use Tor or 'extremist' Tails Linux? Congrats, you're on an NSA list

hplasm
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Happy

Re: The Stasi

They only had three? Ah, good old fashioned E German efficiency!

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Microsoft confirms Office 365 price rise

hplasm
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Windows

Re: TCO

Prices go up. Qualty goes down. Trolls keep buying MS shit.

Nothing to see here but gullible brown-nosed fools with too much (other people's) money and very little sense.

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Lindsay Lohan sues Grand Theft Auto V makers for 'using her image'

hplasm
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Happy

Well then-

El Reg's SPB better watch out...

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NSA man says agency can track you through POWER LINES

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: New York or Los Angeles

Simple- 50Hz- not US. Record away and pile doom upon your enemies!

60Hz Probably US- Take more care- then record away. Pile doom carefully and with plausible deniability upon your enemies!

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SUPER EARTH possibly home to life FOUND in our 'solar backyard'

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Solar backyard

Perhaps a greenhouse?

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We got behind the wheel of a Tesla S electric car. We didn't hate it

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Wait, the screen is used for what?

"you get in one morning and it tells you there's been a software update and that new features are now available."

Hello- I wonder what this new stalk does...?

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Rockall pod-dweller braces for stormy weather

hplasm
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Happy

Re: 60 days of learning the harmonica

Rockall is surely the best place to send trainee harmonica players?

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Power BI: Office 365 just got more intelligent

hplasm
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Windows

Re: When M$ inevitably pulls the standard non-recurring licence desktop version of Office ...

Idiots generally rely on large numbers of Addins and Macros.

FTFY

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Microsoft to shutter security email feed on July 1

hplasm
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Coat

I'm tempted to enter the draw.

I'd like to win a $500 hat.

probably runs Win8 though.

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Maplin Electronics sold for £85m to Rutland Partners

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Vouchers

Maplin still hold the record for my fastest delivery I have ever experienced -

ordered something or other online at 2am (not much beer involved either) and it was on the doorstep by 9am The Same Morning...it was about 10 years ago though....

I was impressed.

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You need a list of specific unknowns we may encounter? Huh?

hplasm
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Thumb Up

This might just be-

the most truthiful article of all time.

Including the bit about the shouty bosses...

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Microsoft's Online Exchange fixed after going titsup for NINE HOURS

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Microsoft 101

Network Problem? Microsoft Networking (sic)? NetBIOS or NetBEUI?

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Warrantless snooping on American man was LEGAL in terrorism case, rules US judge

hplasm
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Re: Special Needs

A Jammy Dodger would be nice.

As would a Nice.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Special Needs

"c.) Bourbon."

That way lies trouble. Other biscuits are available. Try a HobNob?

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Study of Brit students finds TXTING doesn't ruin your writing

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Human Brain in ability to separate formal and informal communications shocker!

As any fule kno...

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EXPOSED: Massive mobile malware network used by cops globally

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Nokia 3310

If you have to but the battery into the phone, it's probably in the wrong way......

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Microsoft gets the hang of funky devices: Xbox magic for enterprise

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Quite.

" a piece of piss, on Windows"

FTFY- Obviously is describing Win8...

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Brit bank Barclays rolls out voice recog for telephone banking

hplasm
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Meh

Which system will Barclays run this on?

The Win2k or NT4Server farm?

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Google Nest slurps your life into the Matrix? The TRUTH

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I think I'm going to move to hidden cave in the mountains and become a hermit...

"I think my next project will ..."

Attract people looking for an illegal rave?

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9 Dark Social Truths That Will Totally Blow Your Bowels!

hplasm
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Coat

Re: oh ... ISIS!!!!

Pah! Splitters!!!

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hplasm
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Pint

Excellent!

Good Friday stuff!

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DON’T add me to your social network, I have NO IDEA who you are

hplasm
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Happy

Re: hmph!

'Connect with me on ButtPlugg!'

Now I have a new sig...

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Microsoft to let customers know where Office 365 is going

hplasm
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Meh

In a word-

Nowhere.

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Facebook goes TITSUP across WORLD! Who will look at your cousin's baby NOW?

hplasm
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Happy

Big plug fell out-

of the NSA rack.

Needs a kick back in. Sorted soon...

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