* Posts by hplasm

3449 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Microsoft Office 365, Azure portals offline for many users in Europe

hplasm
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Coat

It's an ID problem.

Inactive Directory.

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Microsoft, US senators want to grease wheels of trade secret theft cases

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: What's left for Slurp

They can't give it away- why would anyone want to steal it?

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Windows 10 market share growth rate flattens again

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: word is getting out

"It's the fashion of smug pricks who comment on the Register. You can always tell them by their own particular reality distortion fields."

Yeah, they always bang on about how good the latest pile of Microsoft shit is, despite all evidence to the conrtary, the smug pricks...

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Spanish village celebrates Playmobil nativity

hplasm
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All that's missing-

little baby cheeses.

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Mega Microsoft dev tools update includes Clang codegen for Windows

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Bloat?

You would look constipated trying to push out Windows 10.

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hplasm
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Angel

Re: @planty Bloat?

"A light bulb running Unix. Ye gods..."

Why not? does one thing, and does it well.

Like windows - the glass ones...

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Safe Harbor solution not coming any time soon, says Dutch minister

hplasm
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Happy

Re: No

For someone with the last name of Trump, being called Donald is the least of his problems...

Perhaps calling him Not_Ronald_Mc would do?

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GCHQ can hack your systems at will – thanks to 'soft touch' oversight

hplasm
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Trollface

Re: Yawn.

"So, basically, the spooks are (very successfully) doing what we pay them to do, "

Watch people die?

Up yours Bryant. You've lost it.

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Conficker, back from the undead, dominates malware threat landscape

hplasm
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Facepalm

It's 2015 and you can still...

guess the rest.

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So why exactly are IT investors so utterly clueless?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Apparently...

So where do they go in the journey from food to poo?

We EAT them! Soylent Brown is GERMS!!

Aieee, etc.

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VW's Audi suspends two engineers in air pollution cheatware probe

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Interesting justification.

"My guess is that you are just lazy and switch on your car via the remote whilst you are scoffing your waffles with maple syrup."

My guess is that one day you'll live somewhere actually cold, and your windscreen will crack in two when you try this. Or, as usually happens if you are lucky, the water will freeze up solid again half a mile down the road...

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Who owns space? Looking at the US asteroid-mining act

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Environmental Consequences

Whoosh!

The sound of the moon being pulled down to the earth.

By Gru!

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: I am surprised

"Fantastic Four."

The IQ of congress?

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: @m0rt

Not to worry- theres still AO to look forward to.

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BOFH: How long does it take to complete Friday's lager-related tasks?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Lager related tasks?

Lager is only drunk when drunk.

FTFY.

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hplasm
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Re: admin obverhead

Agreed- first task, Monday morning: fill in time spent time recording for the rest of the week. That's ten hours accounted for already!

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UK gov sinks £25k into Pi-powered cyberdesk

hplasm
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WTF?

Mmm-

A hint of whalesong, a touch of joss-stick and the gentle dangle of bollocks.

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Suck it, Elon – Jeff Bezos' New Shepard space rocket blasts off, lands in one piece

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Its the wrong way to get off this planet

"...mass driver up the side of a mountain..."

The last guy working on this got shot in the head by Mossad...

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Why Microsoft yanked its latest Windows 10 update download: It hijacked privacy settings

hplasm
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Meh

Well-

They would say that, wouldn't they...

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Ex-IT staff claim Disney fired them then gave their jobs H1-B peeps

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Reasons given?

Cost.

New Executive Yacht Time Again.

Trebles all round!!

Where's the Fatcat icon? She'll have to do.

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hplasm
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Meh

I call Godwin.

Godwin's not here, man.

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MoJ restarts troubled £250m National Offender management ICT system

hplasm
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"...justice minister Shailesh Vara..."

Is that Star Wars character?

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TV broadcast vans drive ESA from Perth

hplasm
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Mmmmm.

Nice set of parabolas, there.

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Science Museum trumpets Da Vinci expo

hplasm
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Devil

Re: "trumpet's Da Vinci expo"

"Like 'of Nazereth'"

As opposed to Jesus of Guadalupe?

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Windows 10 pilot rollouts will surge in early 2016, says Gartner

hplasm
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Meh

"People pay actual money for this sort of "insight"?"

Why not- they pay money for that sort of "software".

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hplasm
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Re: Windows 10

"It's got what plants crave."

Sadly true. Many plants will buy it.

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Paris, jihadis, tech giants ... What is David Cameron's speechwriter banging on about now?

hplasm
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Facepalm

So-

This confirms what we already suspected. Cameron is an empty resonant chamber, and his voice is supplied by idiots.

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Downloads for Windows 10 November big-bang build axed by Microsoft

hplasm
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Meh

And nothing of value

was lost.

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Irish electricity company threatens to cut off graveyard

hplasm
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Black Helicopters

No Mistake-

The graveyard is a dead-letter drop.

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Brit filmmaker plans 10hr+ Paint Drying epic

hplasm
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Excellent!

Bureaucratic Judo.

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Taxi for NASA! SpaceX to fly astronauts to space station

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Isaac Asimov on the subject of rocket fuel

"Hey, we could use it to fix the glass rain on the exoplanet that's been getting so much attention."

Great- now the glass rain is on fire... I'm not going out.

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Windows 8.1 exams kept alive six more months, Win 7 tests immortal

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Fuck systemd

RINL

RedHat Is Not Linux (Not any more...)

Fuck systemd!

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Why Microsoft's .NET Core is the future of its development platform

hplasm
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Windows

Re: A Little Late to the Party

Drinking and posting again?

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Hillary Clinton: Stop helping terrorists, Silicon Valley – weaken your encryption

hplasm
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Re: It IS an adversarial situation

"Such a genius would have to find a way to execute every politician traitor currently exploiting terrorism to demand weaker encryption and greater surveillance."

Can we vote for this genius?

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Love your IoT gadget but could you keep the noise down?

hplasm
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Stop

Breakout areas!

God I hate that name...

If it doesn't have pickaxes, dynamite, cakes with files in or a pot-bellied stove that conceals a tunnel, then it's just a lounging area.

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How TV ads silently ping commands to phones: Sneaky SilverPush code reverse-engineered

hplasm
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Re: Next up:

That, I would like!

Replace ads with a nice fishtank or perhaps a potter's wheel.

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'Hacked by China? Hack them back!' rages US Congress report

hplasm
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Devil

FTFY

It would appear that the US politicians are at last admitting the the government are absolutely useless at computer security in all departments.

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Brit cops accused of abusing anti-terror laws to hunt colleague

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Police whistle blower?

shurely l0l0l0 Letsbe Avenue?

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Edgy online shoppers face Dyre Christmas as malware mutates

hplasm
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Devil

Win 10 and Edge, eh.

So much for 'Viruses attack Windows because of it's popularity'...

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Coffee fixes the damage booze did to your liver, study finds

hplasm
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Happy

I probably have the liver of a ninja!

...But you can't find it, right?

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hplasm
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Boffin

Re: Bacon

"Now we just need a bacon angle..."

You should always have one in a well-stocked toolbox.

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hplasm
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Happy

I think I'll do a one-man test...

Coffee with bacon in it? Oh dear...

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Microsoft working hard to unify its code base, all the way down to the IoT

hplasm
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Xmas ham trade

Don't worry about the hackers- it's the Crackers that are important here...

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Openreach boss quits BT in midst of split uncertainty

hplasm
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Devil

Openreacharound

Opencrotch.

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iPad data entry errors caused plane to strike runway during takeoff

hplasm
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Re: Using toys as tools...

"Windows is not suitable for any application where trust in the operating system or the company supplying that operating system is required."

Even MS themselves say this in the quasilegal blurb of the EULA...

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Using toys as tools...

" Metro is a steaming turd bolted on to something that was reasonably stable."

That is unfair and inaccurate.

Metro is the steam bolted on to something that was a reasonably unstable turd .

FTFY

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California cops pull over Google car for driving too SLOWLY

hplasm
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Re: This made me laugh

"If you drive a forklift truck you have to have a retest every three years."

Probably because of repetitive driving at 5mph in a 30 zone...

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MS Future Decoded conference, or The Empire Strikes Back

hplasm
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Facepalm

Chief Storytelling Officer...

That begins to explain some of the problems at MS.

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Microsoft creates its own movie moment with fancy privacy manifesto

hplasm
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Devil

"O Captain, My Captain!"

Come up -the ship is sinking.

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Microsoft is about to launch a UK store within a store

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Obvious choice!

Poundland!

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