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* Posts by hplasm

2531 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

HP boffin: Honey! I shrank the PC. To nanometre size, dammit

hplasm
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Happy

But-

Cache is £, surely?

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Microsoft claims Windows Phone sales up 300%

hplasm
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Devil

Re: So they sold...

"I said- you buy one, get three free!"

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Windows 8 launch outdoes Windows 7's, says Microsoft bigwig

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Oh dear

"No, they just needed a new machine."

Not quite- they just were told they needed one.

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Annual reviews: It's high time we rid the world of this insanity

hplasm
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Happy

Re: And this is why I'm an IT contractor

Nearly-

if the firm was making any money after the Chief's Bonuses are paid out they wouldn't have had to have the redundancies.

FTFY.

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Hotel blames burglaries on hacked Onity card locks

hplasm
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Happy

And

cougars behind the rest...

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Antarctic discovery: ALIEN LIFE may be FOUND ON MOON of Jupiter

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Everything is relative

But that means they exist at the temperature of molten ice! Outrageous!

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Bash Street bytes: Do UK schools really need the Raspberry Pi?

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Seriously!?

“So we’re going to spend five to ten minutes at the start of every lesson, and the same again at the end,getting out tools, sweeping up and putting things away again?"

Glad he wasn't my Woodwork teacher at school. Lazy git.

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Their One Year Mission: To boldly find the effects of null G on humans

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Couple

Re:PS Sounds like the plot of Saturn 3...

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Galapagos tortoise 'Lonesome George' might NOT be last of his kind

hplasm
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Happy

Re: What they really need...

No, No, the hard part is teaching them to climb ladders with a stiffy.

there you go.

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Girlfriend 'tried to MURDER ME with her AMPLE BREASTS'

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Death!

By boobie!

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Sandy Island does exist - on a 1908 chart

hplasm
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Happy

Gone, it be!

Global warming has melted it!

Or the ACID OCEAN has dissolved it!

Noes!!11

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Asteroid miners hunt for platinum, leave all common sense in glovebox

hplasm
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Pirate

Re: But there is no concept of private property.

Thus: SPACE PIRATES!!

Yarr! *beep*

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Pirate cops bust LITTLE GIRL, take her Winnie-the-Pooh laptop

hplasm
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Pirate

Re: demanded that to avoid prosecution he fork over €600…

...demanded that to avoid prosecution he fork over €600…

Sound like PIRATES to me.

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BlackBerry 10: AWESOME. If the hardware matches it, RIM jobs are safe

hplasm
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Happy

Looks good.

Android, Apple and Blackberry. Plenty of competition there.

Oh and that other one. Never mind.

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Mint Linux gifts Unity haters with 'Nadia' ... plus her Mate

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: How quaint

How quaint- it lives under a bridge, look!

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Barclays Bank buys 8,500 Apple iPads in one go

hplasm
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Meh

Re: capable of doing what the bank needs.

Ego polishing, pure and simple.

It's bloody Barclays.

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WIMP-seeking detector flooded

hplasm
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Happy

Re: How are they going to find dark matter underground?

Nightvision- that explains the photomultipliers.

The xenon is there to inhale and do Darth Vader impressions while they wait.

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Lawrence 'Empire Strikes Back' Kasdan to pen future Star Wars script

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Annoying bear thingies

Invented in Yorkshire...

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Italians deploy fearsome SPY MANNEQUINS to win Fashion Wars

hplasm
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Terminator

Do they

have drop-down hands with guns in the wrists?

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AARGH! We're ALL DOOMED, bellows UN - right on schedule

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Sorry, third world, you need to STAY POOR

But- you are neglecting the contribution of... Hippo farts.

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Sam Sung found in Apple Store SHOCKER

hplasm
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Happy

Re: "Somec Unt"

Isn't there one of those high up in Nokia?

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Beeb rights swapper swaps shop to swap-shop for red-tops

hplasm
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Angel

Wow

The sub header made my head spin.

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NASA admits hiding 'really good' news from Martian soil

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Don't get excited

It'll be one for the AREOLOGISTS history books.

You're welcome.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: April the 4th of September

A complex date indeed.

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Oprah Winfrey too late to save Microsoft's Windows 8

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Is the nursery closed today?

It's like having a picture book with furry pages.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re:Windows 7 was a life boat

'Surface' is a submarine.

Dive dive dive.

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Glorious silicon globes could hold key to elusive PERFECT kilogram

hplasm
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Joke

Re: What Puzzles Me

It's compared to a bag of sugar.

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Design guru: Windows 8 is 'a monster' and 'a tortured soul'

hplasm
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Windows

Re: What's all the fuss about?

*Car Analogy Alert!*

Say you bought a car.

Would you be happy having to Pay Extra for a windcreen that was more than 10% transparent, ot a decent sized steering wheel before you could drive it as easily as your previous cars?

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Can't wait for Nvidia? Try these Italian baby ARM clusters with GPU options

hplasm
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Coat

Baby ARM

Holding an Apple?

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Woz: Microsoft's innovation lead 'worries me greatly'

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Roger Irrelevant Writes...

You mean "My Very First Smartphone"

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Author of '80s classic The Hobbit didn't know game was a hit

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Bugs...

I got stuck in the barrel room ;You got imprisoned in there, and to escape you had to get into a barrel and then dump it though the trap door into the river- do it without and you would drown. i threw the barrel out first one time, and could not proceed, so quit and reloaded from tape. This time when I was thrown into the room, there was no barrel, and it was never there ever after - this was without doing a game save- I have no idea what happened...

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Survey: Win8 only HALF as popular as Win7 among IT bosses

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Ignorant users

I think what you are saying is:-

Win 8. Windows for Monkeys.

Hmm.

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Boss wrong to demote man over anti-gay-marriage Facebook post

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Outrageous

Leave Igors out of this!

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Sydney Uni boffin wants database to track smokers

hplasm
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Happy

"Oz boffin"

Is he called Bruce?

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hplasm
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Joke

Re: Hey you, citizen! You really suck.

Roy would have been ok if he hadn't gone to Skaro.

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Fart-buster underpants selling well among Japanese salarymen

hplasm
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Happy

The graphic-

looks like it will turn into Mr Sparkle at any moment.

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Samsung readies bendy smarties for 2013

hplasm
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Happy

Rounded corners-

Are so 2D...

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Automatic Facebook couple pages: Nauseating sign of desperation

hplasm
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Happy

So

Is the Cake true now or not? I forget...

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hplasm
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Coat

It depends-

which end of the gut they go in...

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Microsoft flings free Xboxes to long-term Live lovers

hplasm
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Devil

Increased sales figures!

Every little helps...

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hplasm
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Devil

What a cruel,

and unusual punishment.

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Humans becoming steadily STUPIDER, says brainiac boffin

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Is he married?

Or Stepford grade. more like.

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Word wonks insist GIFs are really JIFs

hplasm
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Holmes

Choosy Mothers choose Jiff

'Cause it starts with a 'J'.

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: Was the vulture logo created by a jiffics artist on jiff paper?

No, Giraffic Artists on Giraffe paper.

In Giraffic Park.

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ROGUE PLANET WITHOUT A SUN spotted in interstellar space

hplasm
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Coat

Re: could be a small Dyson Sphere

Aha - A Dyson Ball. In a vacuum...

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hplasm
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Happy

Yes.

Try again on Tuesday. About 2ish.

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hplasm
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Happy

Geez-

It's put on a bit of mass...

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: Perhaps...

That's no Moon...

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Mobile phone sales slump bites Nokia

hplasm
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Windows

Microsoft don't make phones-

But if they did, they'd be shit. Probably.

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Cawing retail vultures circle dying Comet, might rip some chunks off

hplasm
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Happy

Hi

De Hi.

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