* Posts by hplasm

3148 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Dell, Google dangle Chromebooks over IT bosses sick of Windows

hplasm
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Meh

Re: It is not Windows

It's starting to look more like 'Out of the smouldering pile of suspiciously petrol soaked rags and dynamite into the frying pan...'

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Flying Spaghetti Monster spotted off Angolan coast

hplasm
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Happy

Re: BFD.

"We have those in the public pools here."

I think you call them 'churches'...

Also - Yarr!

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Want Edward Snowden pardoned? You're in the minority, say pollsters

hplasm
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Devil

Re: If you only watch Faux News and CNN....

"Hah! Fooled them - I don't have any children."

Ha! Fooled you! They don't have any Terrorists!

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It's 2015, and someone can pwn Windows PCs by inserting a USB stick

hplasm
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Devil

"... the same problem may exist in both vehicles, but they are different..."

The problem is the same- in that case 'Ford'.

In this case...

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FAIL: Windows 10 bulk patch produces INFINITE CRASH LOOP

hplasm
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Devil

Film @ 11

Windows 10 -Fifty First Updates.

It's a comedy.

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Pi-eyed: Microsoft ships slimmed-down Windows 10 IoT Core for gizmos

hplasm
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Meh

Look!

A hippopotamus riding a bicycle!

How useful...

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Texas senator Ted Cruz serves up sizzling 'machine gun bacon'

hplasm
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Happy

ITYM...

This genital has beclowned himself.

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Aussie bloaters gorging on junk food 'each and every day'

hplasm
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Holmes

I asked a nice Aussie girl once...

...why there were so many nice Aussie girls in the UK.

She replied- "Have you seen the state of Australian men?"

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Windows 10 climbs to 3.55 per cent market share, Win 8.1 dips

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Hard sell, hardly selling, selling hard

"Windows 10 is a no brainer update"

Got no brain? Then update to Win 10.

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Surprise! Evil-eyed cats MORE LIKELY to be SNEAKY PREDATORS – boffins

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Stop right there !

"The most successful hunter and destroyer of species in Earth history had round pupils, the human race."

Only successful because they made cats small...

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hplasm
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Stop

Re: Yes, but...

The mantis shrimp will destroy you.

Do not taunt mantis shrimp!

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All hail Ikabai-Sital! Destroyer of worlds and mender of toilets

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: I predict

I want one, right now.

With a tentacled silhouette underneath, preferably.

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Windows 10 is FORCING ITSELF onto domain happy Windows 7 PCs

hplasm
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Pirate

Re: YOU WILL HAVE WINDOWS 10 AND LIKE IT.

A:You will be assimilated:

Q:The Reg contacted Microsoft for comment. We will update you with their response.

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How many Win 10 PCs were in distribution the week before launch?

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Belly Button

Win 10, like the belly button, only has a use when connected firmly to the mothership.

If not, it's just a curiosity.

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Microsoft vacates moral high ground for the data slurpers' cesspit

hplasm
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Meh

If you've done nothing wrong, you've nothing to worry about

Where wrong == Installed Windows 10.

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Windows 10 wipes your child safety settings if you upgrade from 7 or 8

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Windows 10 as a service

Windows 10 as Microsoft's Requiem Mass...

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Cop shops mock cop for cop stop flop: He'll cop it for copping it up - top cop

hplasm
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Happy

Re: well cop that for a headline

Wow indeed!

Should be an award for that one.

The headline was also longer than the story...

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OFFICIAL SCIENCE: Men are freezing women out of the workplace

hplasm
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Coat

If it's too hot-

try blowing on it...

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If you installed Windows 10 and like privacy, you checked the defaults, right? Oh dear

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: I wonder....

Just because they can is no reason for you to roll over.

When you are on your knees, they can ask to to do other things...

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Guess I'll stick to 7 until 2020...

"Oh, Another Systemd dig..."

Yep- keep digging until the hole is big enough to bury the bastard* like an old white dogshit.

*systemd or it's 'creator' - you choose.

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Windows 10: Buy cheap, buy twice, right? Buy FREE ... buy FOREVER

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Wheezer

"Does Windows 10 come with a nice song?"

One Direction?

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BAD things happen to GOOD robots in America: hitchBot DECAPITATED

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Looking at the picture...

Or the Yankees...

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'White hats don't want to work for us' moans understaffed FBI

hplasm
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Big Brother

Don't they just-

present 'grey'hats with a job offer they can't refuse?

That's what TV tells us...

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Sun? In Blighty? Nah, just build that rooftop data centre, it’ll be fine

hplasm
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Flame

Re: Little-league stuff

On a larger scale- a VAX 11/730 ( IIRC) test machine in a little office.

When the aircon failed over the weekend, the disk drive (huge box the size of a washing machine, about 50Mb...) started to squeal. Eventually the disk stopped rotatating, just as we came in.

Fearing the worst, a quick shutdown was in order.

After the AC was fixed, the VAX started up without any complaint and kept running thereafter.

Servers? Wimpy little tin boxes... :)

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Magnet-wobble wireless charging system dishes out a respectable 10 kW

hplasm
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Coat

"...a way to use this technology while the vehicle was moving,..."

Magnets in the road, coil on the vehicle!

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Google sneaks out new clip-on tech goggles for saddo Glassholes

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Oh that's just great Google!

"Any chance of getting the functionality into a tie pin?"

Or clipped to a ring, or cufflinks... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069125/

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German spooks want to charge journalists with TREASON for publishing spy plans

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Oh Barbara ...

"What are you two on about?"

Roshambo...

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Edge out rivals? No! Firefox boss BLASTS Microsoft's Windows 10 browser brouhaha

hplasm
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Devil

Re: And when you've find your browser has changed...

"For users, it's a minor irritation."

Sounds like a good Win 10 description!

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'Fix these Windows 10 Horrors': Readers turn their guns on Redmond

hplasm
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Happy

"Home users, who are dumb and stupid...

..and Enterprise users, who can pay volume licensing fees and can be treated like cash-cows."

FTFY

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hplasm
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Windows

" Are you feeling self-doubt? Or are you just a dick?"

Are you still posting on your Surface, dogged? Does the touch screen actually work when covered in flecks of foamy spittle?

Where's the poodle icon?

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hplasm
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Happy

Posts by Comic Book Guy

Worst Update EVAR!!!

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Close but no cigar

"It was shit."

Cortina Mk2 or Cortana Mk1?

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hplasm
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Welcome to the World of Windows 10-

a world of "endless, pointless knobbing around..."

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UK.gov wants to stop teenagers looking at tits online. No, really

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Hang on

"Or just a street come to think of it) where they can mingle with each others and leave the filthy heretics and their sinful ways alone."

Downing St?

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hplasm
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Holmes

Re: I wish politicians would learn...

"Think I'll go smoke some more crack now."

Go and ask foir some at 10 Downing St- I think they have loads.

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This is TRUE science: Harvard boffins fire up sizzling BACON LASER

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: standard comment in laser physics:

You could have used the Paris icon!

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hplasm
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Happy

Everyone's been concentrating on the 'Fricking Sharks'...

Is the pigs they should have beenwatching.

Now we'll need to nuke them from catapults, with mutant Birds, that are artificially stimulated to Angryness...

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Microsoft Edge web browser: A well-presented mea culpa

hplasm
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Coat

Why the long face?

Surely it's evident- an apology for an OS would be accompanied by an apology for a browser...

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Bloke cuffed for blowing low-flying camera drone to bits with shotgun

hplasm
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Go

Re: It's time

Begun, these Drone Wars have...

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Windows 10: A SYSADMIN speaks his brains – and says MEH

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Cortana-

"Microsoft's creepy doll."

Excellent.

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Windows 10: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE to Microsoft's long apology for Windows 8

hplasm
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Meh

Re: All your kids are belong to us

" Every single teenager in the (XBOX) world..."

FTFY

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: I'm disgusted!

Seems a lot of bother.

Why not just wait, and hate it for what it is?

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Anyone know 100% that it's not a one way trip to windows 10???

As in '"Express elevator to Hell- going down!" ?

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Windows 10 in head-on crash with Nvidia drivers as world watches launch

hplasm
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Happy

"The pain will pass."

Are you suggesting Win 10 as a suppository?

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hplasm
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Joke

"There is a tool released by Microsoft..."

Come on- you can't pin this one on Ballmer!

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Desperate Microsoft PAYS Win Server 2003 laggards to jump ship

hplasm
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Devil

Loss leader...

As practiced by supermarkets and drug dealers worldwide

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Email apparently from Home Office warns of emails apparently from Home Office

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Aiiee!

Beat me to it!

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hplasm
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Alert

Aiiee!

Recursive spam!

Spam spam spam spam, etc.

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Hole in (Number) Two: MYSTERY golf-course pooper strikes again

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: "an application to put up surveillance cameras has been denied."

You say that like it is a bad thing, Jake.

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BONK! BONK! Windows 10 whack-a-mole – Microsoft still fixing bugs

hplasm
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Devil

Bring it- bugs and all...

It's all grist to the The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

From the FructiferousBugwriter Beast of Redmond!

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