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* Posts by hplasm

2573 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

hplasm
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Happy

"No if only I could use that just once in our call logging system!"

You can- but only once...

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CERN data explains how Higgs heavies other matter

hplasm
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Boffin

"...the outcomes of 20.3 inverse femtobarns"

Marvelous banter!

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Microsoft: OK, Office 365 sellers – you can be customers' 'first contact'

hplasm
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Devil

In other news-

Microsoft aquires a bargepole.

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Space geeks' resurrected NASA Sun probe ISEE-3 now on collision course with THE MOON

hplasm
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Happy

Scotty?

His ashes are in space- possibly clogging up satellite thrusters...

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Read the proposed US ASTEROIDS Act to green-light mining IN SPAAAACE

hplasm
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Pirate

Space Pirates?

I'm in!

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Royal Navy parks 470 double-decker buses on Queen Elizabeth

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Exact Change

Mary Whitehouse. Experience.

possibly both...

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hplasm
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Pint

Re: Exact Change

Trojan Buses.

That will keep them guessing.

But- a bottle of Islay Malt!

Sacrilege!

</You Poured it On a Fish?>

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UK Xmas 2014: Go to shops a normal human, walk out a glasshole

hplasm
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Devil

What to get?

Violence magnet Glasses or Blue Expensive Doorwedge?

Tricky...

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Windows users: You get a patch! And you get a patch! And you get a patch! Everybody gets...

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Virgin Media better warn their users then..

Sounds more like BT...

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ANGRY ALIENS hit by BEBO SPAMGASM probably don't exist

hplasm
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They did exist-

But the Bebo Blast blew then up!

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When PR backfires: Google 'forgets' BBC TV man's banker blog post

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Get a grip!!!

"I use Yahoo! and am very happy."

I imagine you will be applying to have that comment forgotten, eventually...

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hplasm
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Facepalm

"Do No Harm"

Google are doctors now?

Derp.

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Use Tor or 'extremist' Tails Linux? Congrats, you're on an NSA list

hplasm
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Happy

Re: The Stasi

They only had three? Ah, good old fashioned E German efficiency!

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Microsoft confirms Office 365 price rise

hplasm
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Windows

Re: TCO

Prices go up. Qualty goes down. Trolls keep buying MS shit.

Nothing to see here but gullible brown-nosed fools with too much (other people's) money and very little sense.

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Lindsay Lohan sues Grand Theft Auto V makers for 'using her image'

hplasm
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Happy

Well then-

El Reg's SPB better watch out...

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NSA man says agency can track you through POWER LINES

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: New York or Los Angeles

Simple- 50Hz- not US. Record away and pile doom upon your enemies!

60Hz Probably US- Take more care- then record away. Pile doom carefully and with plausible deniability upon your enemies!

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SUPER EARTH possibly home to life FOUND in our 'solar backyard'

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Solar backyard

Perhaps a greenhouse?

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We got behind the wheel of a Tesla S electric car. We didn't hate it

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Wait, the screen is used for what?

"you get in one morning and it tells you there's been a software update and that new features are now available."

Hello- I wonder what this new stalk does...?

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Rockall pod-dweller braces for stormy weather

hplasm
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Happy

Re: 60 days of learning the harmonica

Rockall is surely the best place to send trainee harmonica players?

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Power BI: Office 365 just got more intelligent

hplasm
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Windows

Re: When M$ inevitably pulls the standard non-recurring licence desktop version of Office ...

Idiots generally rely on large numbers of Addins and Macros.

FTFY

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Microsoft to shutter security email feed on July 1

hplasm
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Coat

I'm tempted to enter the draw.

I'd like to win a $500 hat.

probably runs Win8 though.

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Maplin Electronics sold for £85m to Rutland Partners

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Vouchers

Maplin still hold the record for my fastest delivery I have ever experienced -

ordered something or other online at 2am (not much beer involved either) and it was on the doorstep by 9am The Same Morning...it was about 10 years ago though....

I was impressed.

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You need a list of specific unknowns we may encounter? Huh?

hplasm
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This might just be-

the most truthiful article of all time.

Including the bit about the shouty bosses...

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Microsoft's Online Exchange fixed after going titsup for NINE HOURS

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Microsoft 101

Network Problem? Microsoft Networking (sic)? NetBIOS or NetBEUI?

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Warrantless snooping on American man was LEGAL in terrorism case, rules US judge

hplasm
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Re: Special Needs

A Jammy Dodger would be nice.

As would a Nice.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Special Needs

"c.) Bourbon."

That way lies trouble. Other biscuits are available. Try a HobNob?

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Study of Brit students finds TXTING doesn't ruin your writing

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Human Brain in ability to separate formal and informal communications shocker!

As any fule kno...

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EXPOSED: Massive mobile malware network used by cops globally

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Nokia 3310

If you have to but the battery into the phone, it's probably in the wrong way......

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Microsoft gets the hang of funky devices: Xbox magic for enterprise

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Quite.

" a piece of piss, on Windows"

FTFY- Obviously is describing Win8...

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Brit bank Barclays rolls out voice recog for telephone banking

hplasm
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Meh

Which system will Barclays run this on?

The Win2k or NT4Server farm?

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Google Nest slurps your life into the Matrix? The TRUTH

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I think I'm going to move to hidden cave in the mountains and become a hermit...

"I think my next project will ..."

Attract people looking for an illegal rave?

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9 Dark Social Truths That Will Totally Blow Your Bowels!

hplasm
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Re: oh ... ISIS!!!!

Pah! Splitters!!!

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hplasm
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Pint

Excellent!

Good Friday stuff!

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DON’T add me to your social network, I have NO IDEA who you are

hplasm
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Happy

Re: hmph!

'Connect with me on ButtPlugg!'

Now I have a new sig...

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Microsoft to let customers know where Office 365 is going

hplasm
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Meh

In a word-

Nowhere.

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Facebook goes TITSUP across WORLD! Who will look at your cousin's baby NOW?

hplasm
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Happy

Big plug fell out-

of the NSA rack.

Needs a kick back in. Sorted soon...

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Luxembourg patent troll suing world+dog

hplasm
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FAIL

Just say no.

Trolling the big boys- if the big boys say no, what are you gonna do?

Sue?

What if they don't pay? Stop them selling?

Once the customers get riled up, you are toast.

You are in Luxembourg, not China...

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Internet of Things fridges? Pfft. So how does my milk carton know when it's empty?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: The internet of fridges

"...you will find a lever at the top of the fridge which can be operated manually instead of by the door to switch off the light."

Only when the door is open...

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How practical is an electric car in London?

hplasm
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Happy

Re:screw that

I also want a flux capacitor, and I want it six months ago, just before the thunderstorm.

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CIA rendition jet was waiting in Europe to SNATCH SNOWDEN

hplasm
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re:Fotherington-Thomas

utterly...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Needs a jingle.

Battery (to the nipples) included.

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SLOW DOWN: Insecure-by-design software on road

hplasm
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Mushroom

Not to mention-

Bloody "Queue Caution"

it means NOTHING!

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Silent, spacious and... well, insipid: Citroën's electric C-Zero car

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Thoughts

"Legislation is coming in to stipulate that electric cars must make a car-like noise..."

No- electric cars should go quietly 'veep-veep-veep-veep' as they go bu. q.v The Jetsons.

Or have no wheels.

*edit*

EEK- Alan Brown beat me to it... :)

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UK govt 'tearing up road laws' for Google's self-driving cars: THE TRUTH

hplasm
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Happy

Re:we drive on the left in the UK.

Yes. The left side is the right side.

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hplasm
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Alert

Re: Driverless car

"whoever an angry Assyrian deity chose to put close to the accident.."

Tiamat hates trains. Don't fuck with him.

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High power computing and awesome Chinese food? Sign me up!

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Entirely tangential

"You love Chinese food. Why not wait a while and buy more?"

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Japanese finally produce a ROBOT which isn't DEAD INSIDE

hplasm
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Happy

Re: The Daleks are coming!!!

"Can't climb stairs eh. Well that didn't stop the Daleks from ruling over half the galaxy."

They just ruled the bottom half...

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Ukrainian teen created in lab passes Turing Test – famous nutty prof

hplasm
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Happy

Re: From reading the sample above linked by DioDesign

Slightly OT... Is it DioDesign or DiodeSign?

That would thow an AI.

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Redmond is patching Windows 8 but NOT Windows 7, say security bods

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Or could it be...

Perhaps- But "the more they tighten their grip,the more systems will slip though their fingers..."

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Happy Birthday Tetris: It's flipping 30

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I am the man

Tetris: A metaphor for life.

</crushing >

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