* Posts by hplasm

4036 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Microsoft Office 2016 for Windows: The spirit of Clippy lives on

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Overall-

Still the dog's dinner, rather than the dog's bollocks, then?

20
12

It's 2015 and a text file can hack your Apple Watch. IS THIS THE FUTURE YOU WANTED?

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Sounds like previous version was garbage.

"...careful redo from scratch."

Doesn't he live in Ankh-Morpork now? I didn't know he did iStuff development...

0
0

It's alive! Farmer hides neglected, dust-clogged server between walls

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: H.P. BOFHcraft: "The HP Servers in the Wall"

This does, of course, demand a book...

1
0

China launches 'pollution-free' rocket

hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

Pollution free?

Kerosene? Surely LOX and LH are the most pollution free.

Excluding whatever Carbon Boots are used to produce the liquids in the first place, natch.

15
0

Doctor Who storms back in fine form with Season 9 opener The Magician's Apprentice

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: UPDATE!

Sheep went to X-factor.

Baaa.

1
2

Microsoft to splurge $75m on computer training for kids

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: $75 M? Not so much a donation...

"...so they think they're an important majority and are always shocked it turns out that there are actually only nineteen of them."

Sounds like commentards to me- the ones that are M$ apologists...

(That $ was funny, 20 years ago, when Microsoft were relevant. These days not so much. But still funny enough- it makes foam-flecked spittle marks on Surface screens...)

1
3

SPACED OUT: NASA's manned Orion podule pushed back to 2023

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

"...you can send an amazeball fuckload (that's a technical term) of machines."

Good idea. You could call them Wall-E or something. No, don't get up...

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

"Astronauts will fly for the first time on EM-2

EM-2 - Elon Musk 2, by SpaceX.

Help us, Elon Musk- you're our only hope... - NASA Astronauts

51 years! Fingers out, NASA!!

14
0

Windows RT gets new Start menu – but no Cortana or Win 10 apps

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Personal Touch.

The update was delivered to each RT user in person, together with a fruit basket.

12
1

Ahmed's clock wasn't a bomb, but it blew up the 'net and Zuckerberg, Obama want to meet him

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: 0iq

"0iq"

I'm having that term, thanks!

2
0

What Reg readers really think will affect IT in the next three years...

hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

The meteoric plunge

of Windows?

8
3

Arctic summer ice cover is 31st HIGHEST EVER RECORDED

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: This again?

"there's money to be made in poking easily-offended people with a sharp stick."

Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. As long as it doesn't contain noisy ads."

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: This again?

"There's no conceivable evidence..."

That seems to be the problem with all of this AGW stuff.

16
1

Uber is killing off iconic black cabs, warns Zac Goldsmith

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

No black cabs?

What will Britain London do?

As a wise man once said:- "Oh dear. How sad. Never mind."

11
0

Wi-Gig signals are bouncing off the walls, can't settle on the sofa

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Ah but-

It's not about the tech- it's about flogging off the spectum that is freed up.

Follow the £££.

8
0

WARM, WOBBLING MOON believed to hide MOIST CRADLE of life

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: no pithy comment.

...raises one eyebrow.

3
0

Microsoft's 'anti-malware Device Guard' in Windows 10: How it works, what you need

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: @AC - WTF, Mark!

"Why have the software there and maintain it, then?"

Lazy coding- it is MS after all.

1
4

The ONE WEIRD TRICK which could END OBESITY

hplasm
Silver badge
Childcatcher

Personal anti-favourite-

Adding a bag of crisps to a hydrogenated-oil snadwitch and a can of fizzy sugar does not make it a "meal".

Making portions smaller means that fatties will buy two.

15
1

Brown kid with Arab name arrested for bringing home-made clock to school

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Time-

to take all modern technology from these cops.They don't understand it. Let them live in the dark ages that they so fear.

14
2

Viper sinks fangs into unwary Indian farmer's todger

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Milder hazards in England

You must have missed the educational video...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wW6rENTfaU

1
0

Disney's light-bulb moment: build TCP into LEDs for IoT comms

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

What make you think-

a) The flicker is due to the lightning? *

b) The flicker is not due to the 'kill all humans with lightning' signal?

* That's what they want you to think...

7
0

Don't want to upgrade to Windows 10? You'll download it WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

SYN packets?

You would need to do it ANONYMOUSly...

Where's the BatSignal icon when you need it?

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: we need a class action lawsuit ...

"Were did 7-10GB come from?"

Microsoft. Do try and keep up, 007!

1
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: All praise the glorious prophet Eadon!

RegStuff T-Shirt!!

Eadon Was Right!

on the front!

16
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Don't ya just hate it when...

"Utter irrationality is not a good start for IT."

true- it ends up with people 'never get fired for buying MS'

2
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: oh nos!

Now you know it doesn't have good mouse drivers yet, don't you?

2
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Pirate

Re: Something Missing

A 3Gb unwanted use of your bandwidth? People should consider billing MS for stealing their connectivity. It's like 'piracy' - Win10 is 'like a cancer'... (ooo deja vu!)

29
1

WinPhone community descends into CANNIBALISM and WOE

hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: Should be a new build of Windows 10 mobile today

You forgot to mention the free packet of unicorn farts!

2
1

Let's NUKE MARS to make it more like home says Elon Musk

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: The chances of anything coming from earth are a million to one he said.

"... it's better done using a critical pile releasing a lot of heat continuously..."

There's a documentary about this very thing-http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100802/

0
0

Microsoft names September 22nd as the date for Office party

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Bilbo Baggins

The start of a long arduous trip into a land of dark evil?

4
0

iPhone 6 gives bloke 'painful, lumpy' skin condition in trouser storage

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

It's forming a battery!

He's one electrode, the fruitmobe the other, and the sweaty pocket cloth is the electrolyte.

He should find a way to us it to charge the phone- with the battery life of iThings as it is, they'll be queueing up to get a rashy leg if it doesn't mean they have to carry a charger around...

Or is this a case of iBalls?

0
0

End mass snooping and protect whistleblowers, MEPs yell at EU

hplasm
Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Reality theater

"Snowden will be held accountable for his damage to society."

And Anonymous Cowards will be rounded up and sent to gulags for their re-education.

Your point, again?

8
0

Ubuntu Wily gaggle builds 15.10 beta beachhead

hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: "No Dibble or Grub"

"Trumpton...."

whoosh?

2
0

It's still 2015, and your Windows PC can still be pwned by a webpage

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: It's 2015...

"...and I still haven't seen any time-travelling DeLoreans flying around our skies."

Doc Brown did insist on trying Win 10 to control the flux-capacitor. He was wrong about the Libyans, and he was wrong about that.

2
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Hmm

"Long gone are the days of blindly trusting MS..."

Just after DOS 6 then?

5
0

Windows 10 to grow up, turn extra enterprise-y beginning this month

hplasm
Silver badge
Joke

Re: I'm linking rollout to a h/w refresh

"But all (I hope) of the "telemetry" can be disabled via registry changes,..."

Hope is always good on your CV...

3
4
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: I'm linking rollout to a h/w refresh

"I've pencilled in 2,000 users in my organisation..."

Jeez- do you even need to pay extra for Notepad in Win 10?

Still - remember what they did to Mussolini...

0
5

NASA wants to send HEDGEHOGS to Mars

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Damn...

"...eyethankewe"

Hence resistant to alien 'probing'...

2
0

French woman gets €800 a month for electromagnetic-field 'disability'

hplasm
Silver badge
Stop

Well-

If they feel they must award money for this, then there should be a condition; it must be spent on psychiatric treatment.

31
2

Windows 10 now on 75 million devices, says Microsoft

hplasm
Silver badge
FAIL

Are you the replacement anti-eadon?

You're not very good, are you?

26
4

Prof Hawking cracks riddle of black holes – which may be portals to other universes

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Yea but

"...and you end up WHERE YOU NEED NO EYES"

Grimsby?

9
1

BYOD? More like CYOD as companies still set the parameters

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Why?

Why do people insist on letting their company use their kit for nothing - and then dictate how they can use their own kit??

14
0

Twenty years since Windows 95, and we still love our Start buttons

hplasm
Silver badge
Alert

".....your product is not a choice, it's a necessity."

That's what MS want people to believe- and it's worked up to now... until-

1
0

What's Russia smoking? Kremlin bans Wikipedia for dopey article

hplasm
Silver badge
Pint

Re: Crowd Control

Crowd Control - Vodka Cannons on the street!

1
0

FBI probed SciFi author Ray Bradbury for plot to glum-down America

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: What does liberal mean

"What does "liberal" actually mean when used by Americans?"

Someone who isn't shackled by my hangups- the bastards!

6
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: America

"if you still believe in the planet Vulcan..."

True, but it was just a toss-up between Venus and Mars as to where to put the US.

Venus seemed like a better fit, climate-wise.

2
0

Manhattan-sized iceberg splits from glacier – and spotted FROM SPACE

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Just where do ...

"For the record, I've opted out of procreation..."

But who will stand against the Borg then?

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Big enough to bury New York City borough under 300m of ice.

Is this a serious proposal? Could be a movie in it...

0
0

Microsoft issues first SharePoint 2016 preview

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Sharepoint 2016

Now you can lose your files- in the Cloud!!

10
1

Cortana Android beta goes public

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

I got no place to keep her-

Can you give my Creepy Ho a home?

4
3

Forums