* Posts by hplasm

3776 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Microsoft's new mission statement: It's all about doing MAGICAL THINGS

hplasm
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Devil

Re: We came in peace for all mankind.....

"We stand in awe of what humans dare to achieve"

We have the gall to charge you for this pile of glittercaque, and we dare you to buy it!

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Microsoft's magic hurts: Nadella signals 'tough choices' on the way

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Old rant...

"Microsoft: Do One Thing Well."

Yes they do. Take money for old rope.

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BOFH: Don't go changing on Friday evenings, I don't wanna work that hard

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Reach out...

Reach out and punch face...

/D-mode

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Its a small change!

"I don't understand...."

Simple - no changes on a Friday, because you have to deal with the fallout on Monday.

Pre-booked *annual-leave somewhere inacessable, on the other hand...

* it pays to keep up with the Change Management schedule, well in advance :)

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SpaceX to blast Microsoft's HoloLens visors into SPAAAAACE

hplasm
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Meh

Hmpf!

""Remote Expert Mode" will link the astronauts via Skype to technicians on the ground, who will then be able to see what's going on in the ISS and draw annotative notes that can be used to guide repairs (for example)."

"Remote Expert Mode" will sometimes link the astronauts via Skype to technicians on the ground, when the stars are right, who will then occasionally be able to see what's going on in the ISS, but sometimes just hear noises accompanied by what seems to be a slowly changing picture from the lunar surface circa Apollo 11, and then draw annotative notes that could be used to guide repairs if they were not strangely locked in sharepoint, and have to be retrieved from the Russian or Chinese (or Brazillian) space scientists whose governments got them from the NSA backup (for example).

FTFT...

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Samsung caught disabling Windows Update to run its own bloatware

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Solution

What!? And let all the Winfans get their grubby mitts all over it!!!???!! 1111tyone!

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Surprise, surprise, surprise

"good, and for the 99.99% of the rest of the world who are not Techies?"

They won't be reading this...

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hplasm
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Pint

Re: solution?

You READ the EULA ?

Have another pint!

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Killer ChAraCter HOSES almost all versions of Reader, Windows

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Quote from Wikipedia:

"I like the way you think but actually it's "straw"."

Mostly horseshit then?

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Compared to this...

"Good try but ..."

I think you need to read it again, perhaps?

Compared to this, Heartbleed IS but a fleshwound...

/whoosh

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hplasm
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Devil

Compared to this...

Heartbleed? Tis but a fleshwound.

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Wake up, sheeple! If you ask Siri about 9/11 it will rat you out to the police!

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I clicked on the article. You won't believe what happened next!

Did he shit bricks?

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Amazon enrages authors as it switches to 'pay-per-page' model

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: Use Large Fonts.

The original 'word count' used by publishers was 1 page per 250 words of 10pt Courier.

Many other 'standards' now exist...

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This whopping 16-bit computer processor is being built by hand, transistor by transistor

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Really?

"Some people have far too much spare time and money on their hands!"

Yes, and spend them on Sky TV and paying for footy millionaire's cars.

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hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Yes!

I seem to remember a ladybird book ( I think) with a computer made from wood and OC71 germanium transistors, and some dairy/milk Co series* of many-how to booklets that did the same sort of thing.

Where are these sort of things now...?

*can't find them on Goog - they were thin, square and white, with blue titles etc.

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SpaceX gets ready to crash barge-land ANOTHER rocket

hplasm
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Coat

"... hole in the middle of the Round House."

TB3...

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hplasm
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Happy

"...WITHOUT BURNING ANY OF THE DECK CHAIRS."

Version 3...

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hplasm
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Joke

re:Thunderbirds Are GO

That's version 2.

(Not V2, that lands much harder on the house)

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RBS sticks it to customers once again as IT woes continue

hplasm
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Black Helicopters

Won't all of these cock-ups

drop the share price to a suspiciously low level.

Just before the Govt sells them off...

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Microsoft sez soz over Windows 10 'freebie' balls-up

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Free for a year

Then turns (back) into a pumpkin.

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Anakin Skywalker chased by cops, crashes podracer into tree

hplasm
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Meh

Whilst driving-

was the defendant heard to say "Wheee!" ?

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hplasm
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Happy

"...Jar jar binks was shot and killed in a 7-11 robbery."

Nothing to see here, move along. Move along."

/waves hand.

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Police robot duo storm Colorado house, end four-day siege

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Why did they want to re-arrest him?

Beacuse nobody was home to look after him???

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Microsoft U-turns on 'free' Windows 10 upgrade promise for ALL previewers

hplasm
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Happy

"You can happily use Windows"

Citation needed.

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Sun like it hot: Philae comet probe wakes up, phones home again

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Not Necking Celery

just hope they DO find a black obelisk.....

FTFY

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Open-source Linux doesn't pay, said no one ever at Red Hat

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Even if it doesn't pay.

"...If you can't deal with change...waahhh"

SystemD is like paying in Euro and getting your change in Peso.

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Raspberry Pi guys want you to go topless in the heat

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Why the long decision process?

yum toast, or yum dead-badger?

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hplasm
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Linux

Why the long decision process?

Surely it can't be hard to choose between a gutted toaster and a hollowed out dead badger?

apt-get coat...

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Sharing Economy latest: Women's BREAST MILK is the new 'liquid GOLD' of the internet

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Mmm...

Pull the udder one...

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hplasm
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Coat

"...wouldn't the milk have to be pasteurised?"

Pasteurised is best- but I don't care if it just comes up to my chest!

/Ernie

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Microsoft unzips $120,000 in FREE gizzits for cloudy upstarts

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Getting 'free' stuff from Microsoft...

You get stuffed -for free!

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NatWest IT cock-up sees 600,000 transactions go 'missing'

hplasm
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Meh

Re: It'll keep happening....

Because to fix it costs money, and Exec Yachts must get forever bigger. ^H^H^H^H^H show growth year on year...

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hplasm
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Happy

"...I have been there wearing a Morticia wig a couple of times, for no particular reason."

I saw you there. Nice legs.

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The insidious danger of the lone wolf control freak sysadmin

hplasm
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Devil

Re: It happens

Pour petrol on it.

"That xxx? Oh Tim's dealing with it. Project Y? Tim's dealing with it. Bog's blocked?- go and see Tim."

Watch the burnout.

Mwahahaha!!

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Apple seeks fawning 'journalists' for in-house 'news' self pluggery

hplasm
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Happy

R C-J

Darn - beat me to it!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/correspondents/rorycellanjones

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POD RACING: SpaceX will build the Hyperloop railgun tube-way – you bring the ride

hplasm
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Happy

Re: No human will ride

Each pod must contain 1 (one) cheese.

Also: This ain't no train- it's a test-bed magneti-gun spaceship launcher!

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Bing to encrypt search traffic by default

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Bing

Bing has search traffic?

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OPEN WIDE: Microsoft Live Writer authoring tool going open source

hplasm
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Meh

Re: What licence?

"So you go straight to 'Trap' without waiting to see what occurs rather than actually looking at the direction Microsoft do seem to be taking now-a-days?"

Safest bet.

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Microsoft says its latest, dodgy Windows 10 build is good for (almost) everyone

hplasm
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Devil

"my car makes a really terrible boat..."

Mi Crosoft makes a really terrible Operating System.

FTFY

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In memoriam: Christopher Lee, Hammer's Count Dracula

hplasm
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Unhappy

R.I.P Prince of Darkness

And all your other excellent characters. We shall miss you.

(Insert garlic coment here after respectful pause)

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Indie review of UK surveillance laws: As you were, GCHQ

hplasm
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Stop

Re: "strong and vital powers"

"...a nice uniform with dangling runes,"

Hey- I want one of those- let the bad guys use swastikas or something that's already ruined!

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Condoleezza to China: 'The rules' mean cyber-spying isn't allowed

hplasm
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Happy

Re:WTF ?

"Sorry man - your 'Semper Fi' tat should be on your arm..."

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hplasm
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Meh

Sorry Leezzzeee

You soured your goodwill by your time with big W.

Nobody cares what you think anymore, particularly in the Civilised World.

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Gonna RUB MYSELF against the WALL: Microsoft's Surface Hub 84" monster-slab

hplasm
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Joke

Only in America...

"...the size of the screens is so unusual in today's market that Microsoft couldn't find an existing assembly line in Asia that could handle them."

Because they are specified in inches, rather than metric...

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Top Eurocop: People are OK with us snooping on their phone calls

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: He seems to have forgotten to include

"In his mind: May == Always"

also In his mind: May == His Snooping Ally in the UK

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Life in plastic, it's fantastic: Playmobil supremo dies at 81

hplasm
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Trollface

Re: Big fucking deal

Meh - you're not anywhere close to the icon here.

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Let's kill off the meaningless concept of SW-defined storage

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: Please kill "Layer 3 Switch" as well

To be fair, Layer 3 switches understand routing (to a certain degree) whereas just Data Switches don't.

And Layer Cake switches will shoot you in the face if you try to make them route packets, whether they have a mockney accent bit set or not.

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Brit plods' post-TETRA radio omnishambles comes home to roost

hplasm
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Joke

Re: Jamming.

"And you think the Home Office aren't able to find jammers and send the operators to jail?"

I think you forgot this icon...

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Google: Our self-driving cars would be tip-top if you meatheads didn’t crash into them

hplasm
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Meh

Re: To those here hailing the arrival of Google cars

"I'm confident I can drive myself a car ..."

Nothing personal, but that right there is the heart of the problem.

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ESA shortlists three medium-sized missions for 2025 launch

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Arial

"As its a bit more 'sexy' "

That sounds a little ...fishy...

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