* Posts by hplasm

3930 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

NASA dismisses asteroid apocalypse threat

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Show me physical proof god exists

Duh! Look around you. See any gods?

No, but that dogturd looks a bit like a ghost...

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Microsoft will explain only 'significant' Windows 10 updates

hplasm
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Windows

So who are they pandering to then?

Tweens with their first tablet.

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Unholy Hong Kong hackers hit evangelicals with IE 0day

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Hallelujah!

They have a direct fax line to God, don't you know?

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Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank becomes TV reality

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Inner City Sumo

Inner City Sumo - A CCTV camera outside Greggs.

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hplasm
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Meh

Well-

there's actually plenty shittonnes of money in the men's game in several countries and its pro, standard is still poor.

There you go

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Spain triumphs! Fascist anthem hails Spanish badminton champ

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I prefer...

Awake, ye sons of the Motherland!

Woodsmen, grasp your choppers!

Farmers, slaughter the enemies with the tool formerly used for lifting beets!

....Hey Macarena!

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Pirate MEP: Microsoft's walled garden is no consumer pleasure park

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Update?

"What should I do?"

Cheer!

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: RTFM

"What part of "sell your soul to the devil" do you not understand?"

The part where users pay him...

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Apple: Samsung ripped off our phone patent! USPTO: What patent?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: It wasn't just a theoretical design patent...

Siri looks more interesting on the prototype...

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Capita: Listen up redundo staff, we know you're leaving but...

hplasm
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WTF?

Surely-

If there are 'replacements' then the roles are not redundant?

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Hey, folks. Meet the economics 'genius' behind Jeremy Corbyn

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Ignorant git?

Archbishop Carey, Botherer Of god?

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US Air Force reveals what's inside its top-secret space plane, this time

hplasm
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WTF?

Re: The clueless whine...

The clueless whine...

You should consider that as a username. So much better than AC.

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Testing times as NASA rattles Mississippi with mighty motor burn

hplasm
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Coat

Impressive engine-

But who were the daredevils in the gazebo right next to the test stand?

Extreme Marshmallow Toasters?

Deaf People?

Both? ( if a, then probably now c)

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Microsoft replaces Windows 10 patch update, isn't saying why

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Updated 10 machines so far.

You get a few ranting that it didn't work for them whilst the other 99%didn't install it sit back and just shrug.

FTFY

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hplasm
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Big Brother

Bank of America have already announced that they are deploying Windows 10."

That's potentially about 230K spybot hubs.

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Me too

"No Direct-X 12 - or similar option though."

Thank $DEITY for that.

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hplasm
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Meh

Windows 10

Piled higher and deeper.

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Windows 10 growth flattens out to 30 per cent per week

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Only 30% a week?

Just the way the world works, more like. Apple has an unbreakable Reality Distortion Field, and anything MS does, sucks.

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I've seen Kaspersky slap his staff with a walrus penis – and even I doubt the false-positive claims

hplasm
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Coat

Re: ' Walrus Penis'

Oh! The huge manatee!!

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: White hats, Black hats, and Grey hats...

"And yet they can't find any Russian state-sponsored malware."

That;s because the others don't rip your arms off when they lose get detected.

WookiesPutin Some random Russians have been know to do that...

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How many pre-loaded Win 10 PCs did disties have 7 days after release?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Speculation

That just happened- and so did that!

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EU clears UK to give £50m to SABRE space launcher engine

hplasm
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Mushroom

"... but at least, if Skylon takes off, we can try nuke them from orbit..."

FTFY

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BOFH: Why, I LOVE work courses. Please tell me more, o wise one!

hplasm
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Pirate

Re: IR35

"Careful, you're at risk of being considered an employee under IR35 legislation!"

I think you forget just who you are dealing with here...

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Two weeks of Windows 10: Just how is Microsoft doing?

hplasm
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Windows

"So many Linux fanbois hating on MSFT!"

Is that a tiny tear in your eye?

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Reddit caves to Russian fungus censorship demands

hplasm
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FAIL

"On Protecting Children from Information Harmful to Their Health and Development".

There goes all Russian Government propaganda down the tubes then.

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Cheers, Bill Gates. Who wouldn't want drinking water made from POO?

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Turdwater

How about- "Don't shit in the well!"

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: second verse that no-one remembers

Or- "Drink, piss and live!"

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hplasm
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Pint

Re: Not too long ago

Beer is water made WITH poo - Yeast Poo!

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: nice

"...people drinking sludge out of a ditch..."

Since the dawn of time, people have been drinking water from natural sources.

Suddenly they are 'drinking sludge out of a ditch'.

When did Humans become so stupid? It must have been quite recently.

And why?

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Flying Spaghetti Monster spotted off Angolan coast

hplasm
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Unhappy

Monday morning design

Whoever designed Monday mornings wasn't intelligent...

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hplasm
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Happy

"Jones’s colleague Philip Pugh then nailed the creature..."

Blasphemy!

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: BFD.

"We have those in the public pools here."

I think you call them 'churches'...

Also - Yarr!

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Have an iPhone? Mac? Just about anything else Apple flogs? Patch now

hplasm
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Pint

Re: I could bash Apple

It's never too early in the morning to be making cider.

Drinking it, perhaps... just.

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Dell, Google dangle Chromebooks over IT bosses sick of Windows

hplasm
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Meh

Re: It is not Windows

It's starting to look more like 'Out of the smouldering pile of suspiciously petrol soaked rags and dynamite into the frying pan...'

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Want Edward Snowden pardoned? You're in the minority, say pollsters

hplasm
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Devil

Re: If you only watch Faux News and CNN....

"Hah! Fooled them - I don't have any children."

Ha! Fooled you! They don't have any Terrorists!

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It's 2015, and someone can pwn Windows PCs by inserting a USB stick

hplasm
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Devil

"... the same problem may exist in both vehicles, but they are different..."

The problem is the same- in that case 'Ford'.

In this case...

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FAIL: Windows 10 bulk patch produces INFINITE CRASH LOOP

hplasm
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Devil

Film @ 11

Windows 10 -Fifty First Updates.

It's a comedy.

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Pi-eyed: Microsoft ships slimmed-down Windows 10 IoT Core for gizmos

hplasm
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Meh

Look!

A hippopotamus riding a bicycle!

How useful...

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Texas senator Ted Cruz serves up sizzling 'machine gun bacon'

hplasm
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Happy

ITYM...

This genital has beclowned himself.

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Aussie bloaters gorging on junk food 'each and every day'

hplasm
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Holmes

I asked a nice Aussie girl once...

...why there were so many nice Aussie girls in the UK.

She replied- "Have you seen the state of Australian men?"

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Windows 10 climbs to 3.55 per cent market share, Win 8.1 dips

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Hard sell, hardly selling, selling hard

"Windows 10 is a no brainer update"

Got no brain? Then update to Win 10.

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Surprise! Evil-eyed cats MORE LIKELY to be SNEAKY PREDATORS – boffins

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Stop right there !

"The most successful hunter and destroyer of species in Earth history had round pupils, the human race."

Only successful because they made cats small...

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hplasm
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Stop

Re: Yes, but...

The mantis shrimp will destroy you.

Do not taunt mantis shrimp!

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All hail Ikabai-Sital! Destroyer of worlds and mender of toilets

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: I predict

I want one, right now.

With a tentacled silhouette underneath, preferably.

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Windows 10 is FORCING ITSELF onto domain happy Windows 7 PCs

hplasm
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Pirate

Re: YOU WILL HAVE WINDOWS 10 AND LIKE IT.

A:You will be assimilated:

Q:The Reg contacted Microsoft for comment. We will update you with their response.

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How many Win 10 PCs were in distribution the week before launch?

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Belly Button

Win 10, like the belly button, only has a use when connected firmly to the mothership.

If not, it's just a curiosity.

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Microsoft vacates moral high ground for the data slurpers' cesspit

hplasm
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Meh

If you've done nothing wrong, you've nothing to worry about

Where wrong == Installed Windows 10.

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Windows 10 wipes your child safety settings if you upgrade from 7 or 8

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Windows 10 as a service

Windows 10 as Microsoft's Requiem Mass...

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Cop shops mock cop for cop stop flop: He'll cop it for copping it up - top cop

hplasm
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Happy

Re: well cop that for a headline

Wow indeed!

Should be an award for that one.

The headline was also longer than the story...

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OFFICIAL SCIENCE: Men are freezing women out of the workplace

hplasm
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Coat

If it's too hot-

try blowing on it...

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