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* Posts by hplasm

2638 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Cuba bound? Edward Snowden leaves Hong Kong

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Sadly

They did go away when I answered holding an inflated rubber glove, and said I was a little busy...

(a pretend udder if you must know... That doesn't help, does it...?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Sadly

Wear a t-shirt with a picture of a gun on it, or Osama, or some Arabic; or as suggested, put 'yes' in all the boxes that no-one in their right mids would ever pick- "Are you or have you ever been a Communist/ Terrorist/Democrat/ Member of New Model Army?"

They have no sense of humo(u)r and will boot you right back out.

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hplasm
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Big Brother

Mikeyt

We are all persons of interest to them. But some are of more interest than others...

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Using encryption? That means the US spooks have you on file

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: All of 'em

"As a society we demand almost absolute security..."

Who are you calling 'we', Kemosabe?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Large files

Download the Internet, encrypt it and use it as an email signature.

That should keep them busy,

Might need a bigger processor, possibly won't work on a Tablet.

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Cultivated dope-smoking Welshman barred from own shed

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Jazz cigarettes

Niiice!

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El Reg rocket squad poised to select Ultimate Cuppa teabag

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Just wondering

Tea eggs! Little mesh ball things, great for loose tea.

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Can Jonny Ive's new 'iOS Vista' SAVE the BBC's £100m BRAIN? Yes!

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Is it just me...

Look at it as real- like Yes, Minister.

Then everything makes perfect sense.

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AXE-WAVING BIKER GANG SMASHES into swanky Apple UK store

hplasm
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Happy

Re: @Symon

Run. It's Dibble!

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Latest NASA ASTRONAUT class is HALF FEMALE

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Careers 'Advisor'

I tried that at school- the careers advisor looked blank for a while, then advised me to 'go to college'.

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Microsoft lures buy-curious vixens, corduroys with a cheap fondle

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Does this heavy discounting

4. Price it so the Gleetard demographic in the adverts might just buy it.

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Oracle's Ellison outlines plans for Hawaiian Electriclarryland

hplasm
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Happy

Larry wants to be Tony Stark

Pity Elon Musk has already beaten him to that!

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Fifty, fired and fretful: Three chaps stare down CAREER MORTALITY

hplasm
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Re: Options...

There always seem to be jobs for fork-lift drivers. The training is cheap, and it looks like fun...

Nearly went there when the contract market went a bit dry, once upon a time.

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New material enables 1,000-meter super-skyscrapers

hplasm
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Happy

Re: A note on elevator safety

"Those springs at the bottom of the shaft really do work."

Yes, but it did take an hour for him to finally come to a stop.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Before you read on, see if you can guess how the new stuff will be used

An extra 500m might be useful- somehow...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Uri

As in Gagarin, or Geller?

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Boffins find evidence Atlantic Ocean has started closing

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: new series of Preppers...

This will, no doubt, be seized upon by the UK 'No-Nukes' lobby to prove that the UK is unsuitable for both Atom Furnaces and deep storage of Nuclear Bric-a-Brac, due to being Geologically Unstable, Like Japan.

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Reg hack prepares to live off wondergloop Soylent

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Defication

I imagine they would more likely resemble breezeblocks, and be more worthy of the name 'bench' than

'stool'

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: keen.

Non-nomnomnom.

Will your teeth fall out in protest if you eat just this?

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Microsoft Office 365 on iPhone NOW: No, we're not making this up

hplasm
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Big Brother

Get used to it?

No.

NSA! NSA! NSA!

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Microsoft botnet smackdown 'caused collateral damage, failed to kill target'

hplasm
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Meh

Microsoft's Digital Crimes Unit

Like watching kittens swimming in treacle.

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Boffins fire up old dish to send interstellar SMS

hplasm
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Happy

Hello-

Food speaking.

Come and take our women..

Thx.

Sol III.

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You've seen the Large Hadron Collider. Now comes the HUGE Hadron Collider

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Is that the best site?

True, but it's the only known location of the Godzilla Quark.

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Patch Tuesday: And EVERY version of IE needs fixing AGAIN

hplasm
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Meh

Re: So...

....what would you prefer? MS to not patch bugs?

Not at all- just wondering how the older versions in particular managed to work in the first place, as they musy have been about 10% good code and 90% bugs.

Just another regular occurrence. like Halley's comet coming around, although that may stop one day.

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hplasm
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Windows

IE patches

Plus ça change...

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ROBOT COW teaches Saudi kids where milk comes from

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Having

Geese- They're in your blood- but wouldn't it be your Gandfather, and Goosmother?

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NSA PRISM deepthroat VANISHES as pole-dance lover cries into keyboard

hplasm
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Alien

Re: Curious

But- the US can get you on the moon.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Booz Allen

Booz Allen - Isn't he a Republican senator?

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Ex-CIA techie Edward Snowden: I am the NSA PRISM deepthroat

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Don Jefe Courageous and principled

Matt Bryant.

You are talking out of your rectum.

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Microsoft borks botnet takedown in Citadel snafu

hplasm
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Meh

Re: You had one job microsoft

Hard to tell if this is inept lack of expertise, or a case of clod-hopper MS World Police.

Bigfoot strikes - again.

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NSA Prism: Why I'm boycotting US cloud tech - and you should too

hplasm
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Meh

Re: @Matt Bryant

When has MB ever had a point?

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hplasm
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Devil

What?

"The best answer, of course, is to utterly destroy terrorism at its source."

Are you threatening the whole US Government?

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BEYOND Marxism: What Google learned from staring Glassily at Norks

hplasm
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Re: Summer is nearly here

Or busily manning a burning Bong?

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Google accused of hypocrisy over Glass ban at shareholder shindig

hplasm
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Meh

Better not get the kids

To sit in front of Kinect then, eh?

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Obama weighs in on NSA surveillance imbroglio

hplasm
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Pirate

Then...

once you have nothing to fear, you have nothing to lose.

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YES, Xbox One DOES need internet, DOES restrict game trading

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Xbox One already broke Pre-Order records...

True. Never has so much apathy been generated by a console launch.

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hplasm
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Re: Microsoft: "We're always listening to our customers"

"- it's a sort of indistinct muttering, an annoying sort of buzz; we tend to try and ignore it."

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IT staff clamouring to pay for their own BYOD kit, says survey

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: Get over it

Waaa! the network's slow!!

*clickety* No. It's your piece of shit BYOD. Get it off my network.

Or bring your own.

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'I can’t believe Jobs made the statement … Incredibly stupid'

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Trivia

Perhaps the spelling would be kaki ?

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Google's Schmidt calls climate-change deniers 'liars'

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: @hplasm

I make no case. You make a claim, the onus is on you to prove it.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: What's his angle?

It does if you get paid to tell people to stop them. and then sit back and watch .

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: But there sure is OVERWHELMING evidence.

Present it.

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Whitehall grants freetards safe haven until 2015

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: "Fair and Balanced"

Like Paris on 8in heels. Not very.

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hplasm
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Pirate

Me too-

Busy filling my shed with usb drives.

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Study: US iPhone owners tend to be rich, educated, white

hplasm
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Happy

Re: iPhone owners are rich

Well, they did claim to be Barristers...

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Al Gore: Stop using the atmosphere as 'AN OPEN SEWER'

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re:Al Gore is a tool.

Yes he is. But whose tool is he...?

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Obama administration defends mass call-data slurping

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Terror vs. Crime ... Which is the greatest threat to you or me...?

USAF- United States of Animal Farm.

It has a certain ring to it...

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hplasm
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Re: Hopey Changey the Community Organizer lands another one

Possibly with posterior anal pouches for heads? More likely.

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Reg readers tumesce as they get their tongues round 'podule'

hplasm
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Re: Translator podule

Schzlogadadit!

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Microsoft parades Windows 8.1, the version you may actually want

hplasm
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Windows

Re: the average punter just returned their purchase as the wanted Windows

Just like Win 8 then?

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