* Posts by hplasm

4013 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

'Hacked by China? Hack them back!' rages US Congress report

hplasm
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Devil

FTFY

It would appear that the US politicians are at last admitting the the government are absolutely useless at computer security in all departments.

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Brit cops accused of abusing anti-terror laws to hunt colleague

hplasm
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Re: Police whistle blower?

shurely l0l0l0 Letsbe Avenue?

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Edgy online shoppers face Dyre Christmas as malware mutates

hplasm
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Devil

Win 10 and Edge, eh.

So much for 'Viruses attack Windows because of it's popularity'...

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Coffee fixes the damage booze did to your liver, study finds

hplasm
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Happy

I probably have the liver of a ninja!

...But you can't find it, right?

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hplasm
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Boffin

Re: Bacon

"Now we just need a bacon angle..."

You should always have one in a well-stocked toolbox.

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hplasm
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Happy

I think I'll do a one-man test...

Coffee with bacon in it? Oh dear...

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Microsoft working hard to unify its code base, all the way down to the IoT

hplasm
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Xmas ham trade

Don't worry about the hackers- it's the Crackers that are important here...

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Openreach boss quits BT in midst of split uncertainty

hplasm
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Devil

Openreacharound

Opencrotch.

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iPad data entry errors caused plane to strike runway during takeoff

hplasm
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Re: Using toys as tools...

"Windows is not suitable for any application where trust in the operating system or the company supplying that operating system is required."

Even MS themselves say this in the quasilegal blurb of the EULA...

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Using toys as tools...

" Metro is a steaming turd bolted on to something that was reasonably stable."

That is unfair and inaccurate.

Metro is the steam bolted on to something that was a reasonably unstable turd .

FTFY

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California cops pull over Google car for driving too SLOWLY

hplasm
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Re: This made me laugh

"If you drive a forklift truck you have to have a retest every three years."

Probably because of repetitive driving at 5mph in a 30 zone...

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MS Future Decoded conference, or The Empire Strikes Back

hplasm
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Facepalm

Chief Storytelling Officer...

That begins to explain some of the problems at MS.

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Microsoft creates its own movie moment with fancy privacy manifesto

hplasm
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Devil

"O Captain, My Captain!"

Come up -the ship is sinking.

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Microsoft is about to launch a UK store within a store

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Obvious choice!

Poundland!

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Pause Patch Tuesday downloads, buggy code can kill Outlook

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Move fast and break things

"Someone wrote a poem about it once. It starts:"

Ha Fleeg, Har Fleeg- shurley, as any fule kno...

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hplasm
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Gimp

"Your abacus is not affected.."

Windows 10 is an abacus.

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TalkTalk boss: 'Customers think we're doing right thing after attack'

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Customers think TalkTalk is doing the right thing

"Virgin - not available"

Virgin do ADSL just like the rest. Did you ask?

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Talk Talk

Hack Hack.

Nasty cough you have there, Dido.

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Anything AWS can do: Microsoft announces UK data centre region for Azure cloud

hplasm
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Big Brother

Office 365 Delve

If that's not a snoop-sounding name...

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One Bitcoin or lose your data, hacked Linux sysadmins told

hplasm
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Meh

Re: because GCHQ et al

"Since when is Law Enforcement an intelligence agency's job?"

If not that then what?

Oh, of course- keeping themselves in a job.

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hplasm
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Linux

3-2-1...

And fixed.

Sod Off HaxxOrs- because backups.

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Flying drug mule crashes in Manchester prison

hplasm
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Holmes

Perhaps-

It's time for a bit of chickenwire over the clink?

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Trident test-shot startles West Coast Americans

hplasm
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Mushroom

If they think that was bad-

Imagine the surprise they would have felt if the warhead(s) had gone off next.

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New Horizons makes last burn for Kuiper Belt target

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Funding...

It's a shame that ALL country's governments have so many idiots running things.

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Doctor Who's good/bad duality, war futility tale in The Zygon Inversion fails to fizz

hplasm
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Re: William Hartnell

Nope!

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hplasm
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Re: Im just wondering

Just wait until it goes on late-night Dave or UK Gold... you'll be lucky to get the same Doctor each episode.

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TPP: 'Scary' US-Pacific trade deal published – you're going to freak out when you read it

hplasm
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Devil

Where we're going, we don't need roads!

Just a handbasket...

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Source code

Rather than excluding Open Source it is more like:-

A Govt Dept: Hey MS, we think your Win10 may have a backdoor, and we won't buy it until you let us look at the source code.

Microsoft: You agreed to buy it. TPP says we don't have to show you the source anymore. Pony up.

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No C&C server needed: Russia menaced by offline ransomware

hplasm
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Headmaster

Eek!

"Check Point reached out..."

Don't. Just stop.

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Red Hat Enterprise Linux lands on Microsoft Azure cloud – no, we're not pulling your leg

hplasm
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Happy

Re: avoid proprietary BS.

GNUshit!

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Typical MSFT!

"Give people supported, functional software to run businesses with!"

Leopards, spots, etc.

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Music lovers move to block Phil Collins' rebirth

hplasm
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Re: I'm not a fan but

They aren't on in every jukebox in every pub every night ever...

Arg! for the 80's!

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Please God!

Bob Marley version?

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Microsoft's OneDrive price hike has wrecked its cloud strategy

hplasm
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Devil

Re: @Krillin reality check

"The important question here is, why would anyone keep a zombie in the garage?."

The smell?

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Microsoft Windows 7 Pro: Halloween Horror for PC makers next year

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Where are the Gates and Balmers of yesteryear?

Living it up on the loot of millions.

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Windows 10 growth stalls during October

hplasm
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Happy

Re: A pedant writes...

"Since we're doing pedantry, ..."

Famous last words... "...the wings stop producing life..."

I'm sure there's a word for this.

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Next year's Windows 10 auto-upgrade is MSFT's worst idea since Vista

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Then why use Windows at all?

"And if your software is designed for controlling low-level hardware and therefore requires direct hardware access (which neither WINE nor a VM can provide) AND requires Internet access?"

Then the hardware will probably fail the Win 10 test (ie is more than 2-3 yrs old...)

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Use Skype if you want to report a crime, say cops

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Not everyone has Skype

Face to face.

So now they have your details and your face to put in the database.

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The only GOOD DRONE is a DEAD DRONE. Y'hear me, scumbags?!

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Down A Drone Today

I hate to say it, but this is why we can't have nice things flying cars.

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Think Fortran, assembly language programming is boring and useless? Tell that to the NASA Voyager team

hplasm
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Re: No room at

If it's not a Z80, it's just a petrol-pump controller chip.

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Get 'em out for the... readers: The Sun scraps its online paywall

hplasm
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Re: Reached Out

Reminds me of the Depeche Mode hit - 'Reach out and Punch Face'

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Chrome OS is not dead, insists Google veep in charge of Chrome OS

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Bah!

"Er, it's one of Wilde's!"

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How Microsoft will cram Windows 10 even harder down your PC's throat early next year

hplasm
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Devil

Re: wsusoffline - win

"If I were your customer, I'd be looking to get shot of you with a snotty attitude like that."

Said millions of ex-Windows users, to Microsoft as WinX is forced on more and more unsuspecting machines.

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Seagate unveils enlarged spy drive with support for 64 spycams

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: The difference between a Surveillance Drive and a Hard Drive is..

I'm surprised they din't go the whole hog* and make the model #1984...

* 4 legs good...

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Cops use terror powers to lift BBC man's laptop after ISIS interview

hplasm
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Re: Works for me

Easily scared, aren't you.

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Raspberry Pi grows the pie with new deal allowing custom recipes

hplasm
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Re: Careful!

"What would one of the ports be for?"

A moisture sensor to keep an eye on the levee...

- saves a drive, and Chevys drink gas.

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Microsoft's 'Arrow' Android launcher flies into Play store

hplasm
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Devil

Re: tsk tsk.

"...what photos exactly would end up on my phone"

Every day, bing(e) would deliver a picture of TIKFAM as your desktop.

One day....

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Way t o go...

"...rather than from the top down as you would in Android. "

Another 'Steering wheel now on floor, we know best' moment from Redmond.

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Caption this: WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

hplasm
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Oh my...

I really hope the networks are ready for my 16k television - Ol' Gil really needs this job...

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Bacon as deadly as cigarettes and asbestos

hplasm
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Re: what's the point in pigs?

Ask Cameron...

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