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* Posts by hplasm

2569 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Upturned boat sails to Shed of the Year title

hplasm
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Re: Old news

Don't they have houses there yet?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Jealous

Nah-not so popular, he's Jamie Oliver!

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hplasm
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Great shed!

Lovely stove!

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Microsoft offloads heap of critical fixes in 'ugly' Patch Tuesday

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Tiresome

Don't like shitty smells?

Don't try to cover them up- stop making shit in the first place!

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INVASION of the UNDEAD ANDROIDS: Hackers can pwn 'nearly all' devices

hplasm
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Devil

" I bet we'd all be hearing a different tune if that was windows 8 in the title..."

But only 2 people would be affected, so why bother?

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Win 8 man Sinofsky's 'retirement' deal: $14m shares, oath of silence

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Why are you suprised?

Except people might like to buy a Honda Civic with tractor tyres- that would be awesome!

Unlike DoggedOS, which is not.

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hplasm
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Windows

Re: I'll believe in a conspiracy...

" You rarely if ever hear the phrase "ew, the new orange on this hammer is so yucky, what a horror. I'm going back to bashing nails in with my head", do you?"

You do when it turns out that the 'hammer' you thought you were buying turns out to be an orange on a stick.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Eadon hols?

Eadon is Sinofsky - he had to go as the terms of his golden parachute kicked in.

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: the difference between them and a mere mortal

Did they let you kiss their awesome behind?

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Rest your head against a train window, hear VOICES in your SKULL

hplasm
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Happy

Re: What is Sky Go?

SkyGo, SkyDrive, SkyTrain.

Next? SkyDive.... (we can hope...)

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: WTF is a train conductor

It's like a Bus Conductor, but on a train, see?

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hplasm
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Re: More subtle than an axe

I see this as a public service, and a new way to enjoy boring train journeys!

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AMD joins LibreOffice, adds GPU grunt to free software suite

hplasm
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Linux

Another nail in the MS Office Coffin...

Excellent! Full speed ahead, guys!

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Vulcan? Not on our tiny balls. Pluto moons named Kerberos, Styx

hplasm
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Happy

Re: So the "Vulcan" name was a bad candidate to begin with?

They must be out of their Vulcan minds!

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Windows 8 apps pass 100K, Windows 8 passes Vista

hplasm
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Windows

Do Apple-toting baristas work in these 'Linux bistros'?

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Modern-day Frankenstein invents CURE for BEHEADING

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I'll make the obvious comment.

Jarheads?

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Cloud computers are like bananas, says Deutsche Börse

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Yup. Just like bananas.

Bananas don't roll very well because they are bent and faceted. Clouds are bumpy and nebulous so they probably don't roll too well either.

You may well have a good point there!

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Surface Pro for enterprise: We name the dates and the lucky partners

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Having just spent today using one...

There will always be cheap laptops- not necessarily MS ones.

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Microsoft's murder most foul: TechNet is dead

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Peoples simply have a mistaken definition of testing

No need to test- MS products are becoming increasingly unsuitable.

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'The Apprentice' is a load of old codswallop, says biz prof

hplasm
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Happy

No Jihad on the moon with less than 8 D size though.

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Snowden speaks from Moscow: 'Obama lies'

hplasm
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Big Brother

"...but in the end they will be held accountable for their crimes..."

Who? The US Govt? Fat Chance.

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Windows 8.1: Here at last, but is it good enough?

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: "Why would 'Professionals' want to deal with such an amateurish OS"

" it is part of their job..."

No, it isn't.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: Well...

"My 14 year old loves Windows 8..."

I rest my case.

The target demographic.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: I see that some at least of the....

Why would 'Professionals' want to deal with such an amateurish OS?

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Microsoft's MoodScope app predicts smartphones users' feelings

hplasm
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Windows

User is...

Using Windows- yes

Predicted mood- Unhappy/Angry.

Not rocket surgery, is it?

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Idaho patriots tool up to battle Jihad with pork bullets

hplasm
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Boffin

Rather-

Where the fireball touches the ground- used to determine possible fallout.

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hplasm
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Alert

In an emergency-

will they just use a pork sausage as a silencer?

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Flippin' Equus! Unfeasibly old horse bone DNA triumph

hplasm
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Happy

Re: How

In the beginning was the Horse...

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Home Office launches £4m cyber security awareness scheme

hplasm
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Re: Might like to start with the House of Commons

Which strain? Red, Blue or Yellow.

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Spaniards deploy self-propelled ROBOT BALLS

hplasm
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Re: Two hundred years from now.....

The carnage was awful. "we have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks" said Kissinger's Head,

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Cuba bound? Edward Snowden leaves Hong Kong

hplasm
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Meh

@fibbles

TSA: "What is this Commie bullshit!?"

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Sadly

They did go away when I answered holding an inflated rubber glove, and said I was a little busy...

(a pretend udder if you must know... That doesn't help, does it...?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Sadly

Wear a t-shirt with a picture of a gun on it, or Osama, or some Arabic; or as suggested, put 'yes' in all the boxes that no-one in their right mids would ever pick- "Are you or have you ever been a Communist/ Terrorist/Democrat/ Member of New Model Army?"

They have no sense of humo(u)r and will boot you right back out.

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hplasm
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Big Brother

Mikeyt

We are all persons of interest to them. But some are of more interest than others...

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Using encryption? That means the US spooks have you on file

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: All of 'em

"As a society we demand almost absolute security..."

Who are you calling 'we', Kemosabe?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Large files

Download the Internet, encrypt it and use it as an email signature.

That should keep them busy,

Might need a bigger processor, possibly won't work on a Tablet.

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Cultivated dope-smoking Welshman barred from own shed

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Jazz cigarettes

Niiice!

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El Reg rocket squad poised to select Ultimate Cuppa teabag

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Just wondering

Tea eggs! Little mesh ball things, great for loose tea.

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Can Jonny Ive's new 'iOS Vista' SAVE the BBC's £100m BRAIN? Yes!

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Is it just me...

Look at it as real- like Yes, Minister.

Then everything makes perfect sense.

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AXE-WAVING BIKER GANG SMASHES into swanky Apple UK store

hplasm
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Happy

Re: @Symon

Run. It's Dibble!

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Latest NASA ASTRONAUT class is HALF FEMALE

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Careers 'Advisor'

I tried that at school- the careers advisor looked blank for a while, then advised me to 'go to college'.

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Microsoft lures buy-curious vixens, corduroys with a cheap fondle

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Does this heavy discounting

4. Price it so the Gleetard demographic in the adverts might just buy it.

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Oracle's Ellison outlines plans for Hawaiian Electriclarryland

hplasm
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Happy

Larry wants to be Tony Stark

Pity Elon Musk has already beaten him to that!

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Fifty, fired and fretful: Three chaps stare down CAREER MORTALITY

hplasm
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Re: Options...

There always seem to be jobs for fork-lift drivers. The training is cheap, and it looks like fun...

Nearly went there when the contract market went a bit dry, once upon a time.

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New material enables 1,000-meter super-skyscrapers

hplasm
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Happy

Re: A note on elevator safety

"Those springs at the bottom of the shaft really do work."

Yes, but it did take an hour for him to finally come to a stop.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Before you read on, see if you can guess how the new stuff will be used

An extra 500m might be useful- somehow...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Uri

As in Gagarin, or Geller?

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Boffins find evidence Atlantic Ocean has started closing

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: new series of Preppers...

This will, no doubt, be seized upon by the UK 'No-Nukes' lobby to prove that the UK is unsuitable for both Atom Furnaces and deep storage of Nuclear Bric-a-Brac, due to being Geologically Unstable, Like Japan.

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Reg hack prepares to live off wondergloop Soylent

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Defication

I imagine they would more likely resemble breezeblocks, and be more worthy of the name 'bench' than

'stool'

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: keen.

Non-nomnomnom.

Will your teeth fall out in protest if you eat just this?

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