* Posts by hplasm

3798 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

US taxman slammed: Half of the IRS's servers still run doomed Windows Server 2003

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Sympathy where it is due, after all...

Not here, I imagine.

1
0

Ring Chime: Needy wireless doorbell or $30 bling t'ing?

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Will it at least still work...

""On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog."

Now you do; I'll have to sniff you out and bite you.

0
0

On its way: A Google-free, NSA-free IT infrastructure for Europe

hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

Re: It was only a matter of time...

"See "The History of the Decline and Fall of the US Empire"."

It peaked in 1969 and has gone downhill since.

5
1

Microsoft offers sneak peak of Hyper-V containers with Win 10 nested virtualisation

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Leonardo de Caprio!

How to tell if it's a dream or not?

Spin up Windows. If it keeps going, it's a dream. If it falls over, it's reality...

11
6

In 2015, your Windows PC can be owned by opening a spreadsheet

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Remove all Adobe products

Windows and Office are guaranteed to get your PC hacked. Get rid!

/oblig

4
2

Facebook's UK wing paid just £4k in corporation tax last year

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Has anyone set up a just giving site

I might give a shit...

2
0

LOHAN chews the fat with US TV station over Spaceport's FAA-ilure

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

"...agree on units first..."

What are these 'feet' of which you speak?

3
1

A thousand mile Atom merci mission: Driving from Monaco to London in an open-topped motor

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Not So Clever

This was a public information broadcast, on behalf of the H&S party.

5
5

NASA boffins on Pluto: We see skies of BLUE and... RED water ice

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Silvia Protopapa?

What of Barbapapa?

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Alien

Re: Red.

"Fronds of red weed, more like."

Ooo-Lar!

/notscouse

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Vast seas of crude oil?

But the Plutocrats would feel right at home, surely?

7
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: Blue sky at night-

Black sky at night...no, no-

Black sky in the morning...

.....they keep me in the DARK AND FEED ME ON PINS!!!

Aieee....!

4
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

Blue sky at night-

You may be on Pluto.

Red sky at night-

You may be upside down, on Pluto.

8
0

Webcam spyware voyeur sentenced to community service

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

"Ummm, you bought it so it's your problem???"

But...Win10 is free...

0
0

World's oldest person scoffs daily ration of bacon

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

It's-

the preservatives...

/run away

14
0

Understand 'Safe Harbor', Schrems v Facebook in under 300 words

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Better renamed?

Pearl Harbour. (Too soon?)

1
1

Microsoft, the VW family sedan of IT, wants to be tech's new Rolls-Royce

hplasm
Silver badge
Angel

Re: Microsoft have turned into Goople!

Goople! Do no Weebl!

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: May they get their wish

"... not as good as they are hyped. And relative to the competition, long since surpassed by many rivals in all but brand cachet and marketing."

So just like MS- I stand corrected.

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Reality check?

Waiting for Windows is always boring. Never gets old, just boring.

Apple is as Apple does; but they do seem to do, rather than fart about.

1
2
hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: Reality check?

Windows doesn't run, it sort of staggers about drunkenly. And then falls over.

13
7
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: May they get their wish

"Microsoft, the VW family sedan of IT"

Except VW do make good cars.

Microsoft, the gold-flashed Trabant of IT.

FTFY

4
2

Team Microsoft: Device Police... 'Are you pumped? I'm pumped'

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

See icon

See title.

6
2

Apollo 15 commander's lunar timepiece goes under the hammer

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: It would've been better if ..

It does- it's round!

2
0

Surface Book: Microsoft to turn unsuccessful tab into unsuccessful laptop

hplasm
Silver badge
WTF?

Re: You know you can

Make a really heavy macbookoid?

0
0

Microsoft, Tesla, build battery that knows how much (energy) you suck

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Now

even MS batteries spy on you!

10
5

Miss Brittany dethroned for posting 'nude' Facebook pics

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Double standards?

"Only we, ze judges, may see ze big boobies!"

29
0

GENUINE STARSHIP as used by PRINCESS LEIA sold for just $450k

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Maybe not just SW...

Battle Beyond The Stars

yes... that was a bit of a copypastafest, for sure.

0
0

Microsoft gobbles Chipzilla's Havok 3D physics unit in cloud gaming play

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Microsoft play well with others?

Play (Well) for Sure.

0
0

Is the world ready for a Raspberry Pi-powered Lego Babbage Engine?

hplasm
Silver badge
Alien

Re: Working model ?

"A non-working model would be a lump of plastic."

Her name is Casey!

6
0

WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Oculus Rift-

For when you can't see the wood for the trees.

2
0

CIOs: Tell us about your biggest disaster and how you survived it

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

CIO response in a nutshell.

It all went bang! I jumped, and floated away on my golden parachute.

The End.

16
0

Three mobile data network GOES TITSUP across Blighty

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Storm

in a Threecup?

1
1

Mars water discovery is a liberal-muslim plot, cry moist conspiracy theorists

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Ak

"Ak, ak, ak ak AK!"

Akbar? Are you trying to say akbar? Aha!

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Ow!

I read that Limbaugh thing, and now my brain is sore.

I see now why any 'dissent' (reasonable skepticism, not GOP-style shouting) about global warming is jumped on so strongly...

3
0

Slander-as-a-service: Peeple app wants people to rate and review you – whether you like it or not

hplasm
Silver badge
Flame

Re: Things...

"introduce bullet points. Or a powerpoint upload."

With regard to Powerpoint, you really need to use hollow-nosed bullets. And then cleansing fire.

10
0

Weird garbled Windows 7 update baffles world – now Microsoft reveals the truth

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Not taking the bait

"Microsoft is the Volkswagen of software."

no, MS is the White Audi of software..

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: About that Intergalactic Bypass........

Where is The Vogon when he is actually needed to comment...??

2
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Alert

Ia

Ballmer fhtagn..

4
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Ha!

"give Windows 10 users pause"

Would't that make them unable to type?

/furry

7
0

AF-FIR-MAT-IVE: Second suspension for robot-voice helldesker

hplasm
Silver badge
Angel

Boredom-

is a terrible thing. It can lead to all sorts of weird behaviour...

And 'professional' as a word, is highly overrated.

Wibble.

16
0

Lies from VW: 'Our staff acted criminally but board didn't know'

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Dieselgate

Wastegategate. It is turbodiesel after all...

19
0

Massive global cooling process discovered as Paris climate deal looms

hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

So-

A model is just a model. It's not actually the real thing, in a little box (other containers are available), and if you look closely, you can see the differences.

Well blow me down...

Will anyone listen to this, or is the carreering gravy train too loud?

28
2

Fiorina: I rushed out HP servers to power NSA snooping. Mwahahaha!

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: She's a PATRIOT

As in PATRIOT missile defence? Expensive, and doesn't work, but makes a lot of noise.

2
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Destroyed All Braincells

"Uh, he's actually describing excessive criticism as ranting."

You wouldn't be ranting about Obama, then?

0
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: So-

"You talking about Obama?"

No. Now you look like a dick.

8
4
hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

So-

Not only a piss-poor CEO but a Fascist to boot... no wonder the hard-line Repubs love her.

39
3

WATERPROOF iPhone 6Ss? Old news. Check out the OTHER 7 SECRET FEATURES

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: NFZD chip

"Sadly the app is still in development."

It keeps going off every time the user comes near to the iPhone...

3
0

Sky 'fesses up to broken fibre cables as cause of outage woes

hplasm
Silver badge
Terminator

Skynet is broken!

Regards, John Connor.

0
0

WATER SURPRISE: Liquid found on Mars, says NASA

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Pure water can exist only between zero and 10 degrees centigrade???

" Frozen water can be found anywhere."

Volcanoes?

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Alien

Re: Tasty Morsel

Nobody could have imagined, in the early years of the 21st century...

</DanDanDaaaaan!>

1
0

Forums