* Posts by hplasm

3770 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Is the world ready for a Raspberry Pi-powered Lego Babbage Engine?

hplasm
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Alien

Re: Working model ?

"A non-working model would be a lump of plastic."

Her name is Casey!

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WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

hplasm
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Happy

Oculus Rift-

For when you can't see the wood for the trees.

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CIOs: Tell us about your biggest disaster and how you survived it

hplasm
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Meh

CIO response in a nutshell.

It all went bang! I jumped, and floated away on my golden parachute.

The End.

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Three mobile data network GOES TITSUP across Blighty

hplasm
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Coat

Storm

in a Threecup?

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Mars water discovery is a liberal-muslim plot, cry moist conspiracy theorists

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Ak

"Ak, ak, ak ak AK!"

Akbar? Are you trying to say akbar? Aha!

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Ow!

I read that Limbaugh thing, and now my brain is sore.

I see now why any 'dissent' (reasonable skepticism, not GOP-style shouting) about global warming is jumped on so strongly...

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Slander-as-a-service: Peeple app wants people to rate and review you – whether you like it or not

hplasm
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Flame

Re: Things...

"introduce bullet points. Or a powerpoint upload."

With regard to Powerpoint, you really need to use hollow-nosed bullets. And then cleansing fire.

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Weird garbled Windows 7 update baffles world – now Microsoft reveals the truth

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Not taking the bait

"Microsoft is the Volkswagen of software."

no, MS is the White Audi of software..

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: About that Intergalactic Bypass........

Where is The Vogon when he is actually needed to comment...??

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hplasm
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Alert

Ia

Ballmer fhtagn..

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: Ha!

"give Windows 10 users pause"

Would't that make them unable to type?

/furry

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AF-FIR-MAT-IVE: Second suspension for robot-voice helldesker

hplasm
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Angel

Boredom-

is a terrible thing. It can lead to all sorts of weird behaviour...

And 'professional' as a word, is highly overrated.

Wibble.

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Lies from VW: 'Our staff acted criminally but board didn't know'

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Dieselgate

Wastegategate. It is turbodiesel after all...

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Massive global cooling process discovered as Paris climate deal looms

hplasm
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Boffin

So-

A model is just a model. It's not actually the real thing, in a little box (other containers are available), and if you look closely, you can see the differences.

Well blow me down...

Will anyone listen to this, or is the carreering gravy train too loud?

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Fiorina: I rushed out HP servers to power NSA snooping. Mwahahaha!

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: She's a PATRIOT

As in PATRIOT missile defence? Expensive, and doesn't work, but makes a lot of noise.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Destroyed All Braincells

"Uh, he's actually describing excessive criticism as ranting."

You wouldn't be ranting about Obama, then?

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: So-

"You talking about Obama?"

No. Now you look like a dick.

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hplasm
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Big Brother

So-

Not only a piss-poor CEO but a Fascist to boot... no wonder the hard-line Repubs love her.

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WATERPROOF iPhone 6Ss? Old news. Check out the OTHER 7 SECRET FEATURES

hplasm
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Happy

Re: NFZD chip

"Sadly the app is still in development."

It keeps going off every time the user comes near to the iPhone...

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Sky 'fesses up to broken fibre cables as cause of outage woes

hplasm
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Terminator

Skynet is broken!

Regards, John Connor.

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WATER SURPRISE: Liquid found on Mars, says NASA

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Pure water can exist only between zero and 10 degrees centigrade???

" Frozen water can be found anywhere."

Volcanoes?

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hplasm
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Alien

Re: Tasty Morsel

Nobody could have imagined, in the early years of the 21st century...

</DanDanDaaaaan!>

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Overheating iPhone 6S+ BLINDED my cam, cries flashgate fanboy

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

iPhone6S?

That's hot!

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'We can handle politicos, OUR ISSUE IS JUDGES', shout GCHQ docs

hplasm
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Big Brother

GCHQ

Gestapo Central HQ?

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NEW ERA for HUMANITY? NASA says something 'major' FOUND ON MARS

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Come on..

"Actually, the Pope is very open to the possibility of alien life."

Theeeee SpacePope!!

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hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: It'll be a rock

"No, socks are the pupa stage of coat hangers"

Which are in turn the larval stage of shopping carts.

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SAUCY INCEST and brutal VIOLENCE boosts UK space sector

hplasm
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Unhappy

GoT notwithstanding-

Isn't it sad that bloody Sky counts as a major part of the UK's 'space' industry.

It's a bit like claiming Matchbox as one of the world's most prolific car makers.

(Unfair to compare Matchbox to Murdochsat, but it's all I could come up with... which is also sad.)

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VW: Just the tip of the pollution iceberg. Who's to blame? Hippies

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: re: I still don't understand the irrational fear of nuclear power though.

"just bury it in the ground so it poisons our children"

Why are your children underground?

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KARMA POLICE: GCHQ spooks spied on every web user ever

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Hello...

"Come and help figure out how."

Do you have a large box of 'V' masks?

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hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Meanwhile, back in the real world....

Who says who is a crim, and who isn't, eh...

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PETA monkey selfie lawsuit threatens wildlife photography, warns snapper at heart of row

hplasm
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Facepalm

How will PETA-

prove that, should they win, every penny in damages goes to the monkey?

Cupid Stunts.

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Homeland Security in CYBER POPE 'net chatter-check bulk up

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Not to belittle people of faith.. but

OOk!

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Only paying for Microsoft software that you use? It's coming

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Already happening here

"Yep. $0.00 and worth every cent."

So you run everything MS has ever made?

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Microsoft Office 2016 for Windows: The spirit of Clippy lives on

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Not available

"Yeah..."

That's what you get for running OO on a Surface.

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hplasm
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Devil

Overall-

Still the dog's dinner, rather than the dog's bollocks, then?

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It's 2015 and a text file can hack your Apple Watch. IS THIS THE FUTURE YOU WANTED?

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Sounds like previous version was garbage.

"...careful redo from scratch."

Doesn't he live in Ankh-Morpork now? I didn't know he did iStuff development...

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It's alive! Farmer hides neglected, dust-clogged server between walls

hplasm
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Re: H.P. BOFHcraft: "The HP Servers in the Wall"

This does, of course, demand a book...

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China launches 'pollution-free' rocket

hplasm
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Boffin

Pollution free?

Kerosene? Surely LOX and LH are the most pollution free.

Excluding whatever Carbon Boots are used to produce the liquids in the first place, natch.

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Doctor Who storms back in fine form with Season 9 opener The Magician's Apprentice

hplasm
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Meh

Re: UPDATE!

Sheep went to X-factor.

Baaa.

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Microsoft to splurge $75m on computer training for kids

hplasm
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Windows

Re: $75 M? Not so much a donation...

"...so they think they're an important majority and are always shocked it turns out that there are actually only nineteen of them."

Sounds like commentards to me- the ones that are M$ apologists...

(That $ was funny, 20 years ago, when Microsoft were relevant. These days not so much. But still funny enough- it makes foam-flecked spittle marks on Surface screens...)

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SPACED OUT: NASA's manned Orion podule pushed back to 2023

hplasm
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Facepalm

"...you can send an amazeball fuckload (that's a technical term) of machines."

Good idea. You could call them Wall-E or something. No, don't get up...

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hplasm
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Meh

"Astronauts will fly for the first time on EM-2

EM-2 - Elon Musk 2, by SpaceX.

Help us, Elon Musk- you're our only hope... - NASA Astronauts

51 years! Fingers out, NASA!!

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Windows RT gets new Start menu – but no Cortana or Win 10 apps

hplasm
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Personal Touch.

The update was delivered to each RT user in person, together with a fruit basket.

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Ahmed's clock wasn't a bomb, but it blew up the 'net and Zuckerberg, Obama want to meet him

hplasm
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Re: 0iq

"0iq"

I'm having that term, thanks!

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What Reg readers really think will affect IT in the next three years...

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

The meteoric plunge

of Windows?

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Arctic summer ice cover is 31st HIGHEST EVER RECORDED

hplasm
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Happy

Re: This again?

"there's money to be made in poking easily-offended people with a sharp stick."

Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. As long as it doesn't contain noisy ads."

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: This again?

"There's no conceivable evidence..."

That seems to be the problem with all of this AGW stuff.

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Uber is killing off iconic black cabs, warns Zac Goldsmith

hplasm
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Meh

No black cabs?

What will Britain London do?

As a wise man once said:- "Oh dear. How sad. Never mind."

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Wi-Gig signals are bouncing off the walls, can't settle on the sofa

hplasm
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Holmes

Ah but-

It's not about the tech- it's about flogging off the spectum that is freed up.

Follow the £££.

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WARM, WOBBLING MOON believed to hide MOIST CRADLE of life

hplasm
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Happy

Re: no pithy comment.

...raises one eyebrow.

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