Feeds

* Posts by hplasm

2638 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

UK mulls ban on tiny mobiles to block prison smugglers

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: And in other news...

Cakes are now being detained at Heathrow.

1
0

Jolla's first Sailfish phone preorders 'fully booked'

hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: Nokia submarines

You forgot your icon...

0
0

New use for old iPhones: Watch your house get robbed in REAL-TIME

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Er-

If you want it to shout expletives, you could always just phone it up...

0
0

Reg hack battles Margaret Thatcher's ghost to bring broadband to the Highlands

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Take care

That's what the Unregulated Hi-power mode is for.

Crank it up. point and *click*

bzzert!

/BOFH Mode

6
0

Microsoft fights Google for kids' attention with ad-free Bing for Schools

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Patients needed I see.

They have a Start Button again?

0
0

NSA admits slurping thousands of domestic emails with no terror connection

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: sooo...

At least 'Lessons' have not 'been learned'.

FFS.

1
0

Bradley Manning sentenced to 35 years in prison

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Poor guy

But Spartacus- you were the main course...

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Down

Sacked from the Army

AND demoted- that's harsh.

Seriously- tough time, but it could have been much worse...

2
1

iWatch rumours grow as Apple hires Nike fitness guru Jay Blahnik

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

I see your rat's ass-

And raise you a ferret's donkey.

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Image problems

Convince a self-driving car to do it.

Google might lend you one...

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: @ Steve Davies 3 Expensive watch

You did remember to wind it up?

0
0

Space-walker nearly OPENED HELMET to avoid DROWNING

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

“Better not to forget.”

"Keep helmet closed when outside."

4
0

Oz sawbones extract fork from old boy's todger: Gents, start your wincing

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Fork me!

Ow. What a forkin dick...

0
0

Japan's unwanted IT workers dumped in 'forcing-out rooms'

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

How odd-

The tasks these employees are forced to take on sound like a normal day in the office for a lot of UK staff.

54
0

Windows NT: Remember Microsoft's almost perfect 20-year-old?

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Windows NT device drivers

Or lack of.

Tried it, it complained about 60% of the hardware.

Uninstalled NT.

Not Tested.

0
0

Apple sucking triple the phone switchers as Samsung – report

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: slightly retarded flamebait article penned by Gollum after loosing his ring?

It's a loose ring...

0
0

Snowden journalist's partner gave Brit spooks passwords to seized files

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re:...to become a terrorist

Just act normally, and wait for the 'Law' to catch up.

6
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Really?

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it's probably a GCHQ or NSA decoy.

25
2

Mind-reading MRI reads letters in the brain

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

May I be the first to say...

MWHAHAHAH!

1
0

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak disses Ashton Kutcher's Steve Jobs

hplasm
Silver badge
WTF?

"...another upcoming Steve Jobs movie"

O gods, why?

8
0

Wikileaks Party scrambles to explain election decisions

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: At least we get it over with relatively quickly

"wannabes casting jealous glances at my local member."

Now I see Wallabies casting jealous glances at the member of a Mutated Wombat.

Mind is boggled.

4
0

Kiwi jetpack gets all-clear for manned tests

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

I also

want one.

I wonder if I could land on the roof at work?

1
0

Microsoft warns of post-April zero day hack bonanza on Windows XP

hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: MS is getting desperate on Windows 8x

"And boy oh boy, are those XP users ever in for a treat."

No, unless they like wearing the mask....

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Angel

Re: Rely on M$ for my security??

But- it's holy! ^H^H^H^ holey.

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: In what reality is 37.2% a monopoly?

The one the Vogsphere is in.

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Be a M$ apologist!

it's the universal indicator of an idiot who believes himself knowledgeable.

5
7
hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Wait, hear that?

Cheeky Fuckers.

Upgrade or we'll tell people how to break your stuff and steal things.

Blackmail.

Common sense? Bollocks.

27
8

SQUEEEEE! Microsoft goes retro with pay-by-squawk NFC tech

hplasm
Silver badge
WTF?

Re: Got to hand it to Microsoft Research

"Radio is an electromagnetic emission..."

Unless, oddly, it's Hospital Radio.

2
0

Microsoft: That $900m Surface write-down is smarting

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Maybe when Pro 2 is available..

Ha. *Car Analogies?*

If MS made a car there would be a horse on a treadmill under the bonnet (hood for left-pondians) to make it go.

0
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Maybe when Pro 2 is available..

The Trabant is cool and the Ford is boring?

0
0

Auntie touts e-babysitting ... and no £15,000 in-app purchase shocks

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Like amazing

มาลัย (which means "Garland of Flowers" in Thai)

1
0

Make or break: Microsoft sets date for CRUCIAL Win 8.1 launch

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Windows you have a full capabel browser

Funny, I thought it came with IE.

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Question

You can put facets on a polished turd...

1
2

Volvo V60 Plug-in Hybrid: Eco, economy and diesel power

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: don't buy a grey or silver car

But if you do- put your fucking lights on when it's foggy out!!!

7
0

Microsoft DMCA takedown requests targeting OpenOffice

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Could it be ....

Oh oh-

The writing's on the wall.

As MS sinks slowly beneath the waves...

3
0

Microsoft SkyDrive, Outlook stricken by cloud outage

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Wait...

PING microsoft.com (65.55.58.201) 56(84) bytes of data.

--- microsoft.com ping statistics ---

16 packets transmitted, 0 received, 100% packet loss

1
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: nothing to see here

Renaming... SkyDrive Clown Services.

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Down, down

Deeper and down.

Do do do...

The theme tune for the SkyDrive adverts?

(Except in UK, where it's BSBDrive)

4
0

Bradley Manning: 'I'm sorry my actions hurt the United States'

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: There is something sad about this

First they came for Assange

And I said nothing, for he is a bit creepy.

Then they came for Manning

And I said nothing

For he was denounced as a traitor

Then they came for Snowdon

And I said nothing

For he was condemned to eternal exile

Now they will come for us

And there is no one left to hear.

Apart from the Ear of the State.

With all due respects, Herr Niemöller.

30
1

Microsoft to fund Blake's 7 return as Xbox Live exclusive

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Nooooooo

Nobody in the UK, or the non-US world will see it, don't fret.

1
1

Boffins harvest TV, mobile signals for BATTERY-FREE comms

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Also-

What happens when broadcast TV and radio goes away... WiFi and Cell Towers won't power much.

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: And is illegal in the UK

There was a case* of someone in a house under a powerline using a coil in the loft to get free power. It caused a noticeable effect in the Power Co monitoring systems, and also in an overhead thundercloud that blew his house up before TPTB could tack him down...

* May be a bit Urban Legendy...

However the Power Co systems are quite able to spot unexpected drain and standing wave anomalies etc, so who knows?

0
1

NORKS prepping glorious People's Smartmobe

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: ”Their camera function has high pixels”

"This is not just a high pixel camera- It's a Nexus Un."

0
0

No distro diva drama here: Penguinista favourite Debian turns 20

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: 20 years old...

Why do we need to know about your sex-life?

2
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: I picked this as my first distro.

I'm happier now I've seen all those exclamation marks you've made...

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Linux

I picked this as my first distro.

I've tried others but never been happier!

3
1

Torvalds frustrated at missing simultaneous release

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Ironically

"...UI is not considered functionality."

Especially with Windows 8.

6
0

PEAK Apple: Cupertino's hopes died with Steve Jobs, says Larry Ellison

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: It's all gone a bit Princess Di

Edison stole quite a lot of his 'inventions' and Picasso may have seen people in a very strange way...

So perhaps he is right, in a manner of speaking.

6
0

Violent Hamlet 'bard' by British Library Wi-Fi filters

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: The Law of Unintended Consequences.

blocked Microsoft Technet!

Not all filtering is bad then...

2
0

Elon Musk unveils Hyperloop – the subsonic tube of tomorrow

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: 35 minute trip with no bathroom?

I can go 35 minutes without having a bath.

6
1