* Posts by hplasm

3921 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Red Hat clicks with server foe Microsoft on CloudForms

hplasm
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Flame

Shall we start the collection for Red Hat's funeral now?

Extra donations if systemd is buried with them.

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Enraged Brits demand Donald Trump UK ban

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Basically

"ANORAK IS GREAT!"

Tizer is the work of Stan (sic). Weak Lemon Drink is the only true brew!

Splitter!!

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hplasm
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Re: Who Trumped?*

"In the U.S., that would be referred to as "butt trumpet"."

Might I suggest that The Donald should now be referred to as The Butt Trumpet?

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National Crime Agency: Your kid could be a nasty interwebs hacker

hplasm
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Big Brother

Signs for Parents

Is your child not obsessed by 1D? (other flash-in-the-pans are available)

Does your child prefer University Challenge to Strictly?

Has your child expressed a dislike for Windows 10?

Can your child count? In hexadecimal?

If you answered yes or what?? to any or all of these questions, then s/he's probably a danger to the Powers that Be.

Expect a knock at the door citizen- you're all due for ReEd.

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Donald Trump wants Bill Gates to 'close the Internet', Jeff Bezos to pay tax

hplasm
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Re: @ oldtaku

A Trilobite would make a better president...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Duh

Trump resembles manbearpig, at least in the hair region.

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hplasm
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Coat

"God help America."

Well Allah sure won't, now.

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Obama calls out encryption in terror strategy speech

hplasm
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"...Did you know that many of us who are law-abiding citizens would no longer be?"

And that is Darwinism, in the raw.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: The truth is not relevant to politics

"No need for the government to pay anything..."

No need for me to buy anything either. I'd rather do without.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: The truth is not relevant to politics

"Remember: the government has no problems making all of us buy new computers/phones/etc"

Only if they are willing to pay for them- otherwise, no sale. Owning this stuff is not compulsory- yet.

New, compromised shit, doubly so.

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hplasm
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FAIL

Re: Re:Atheism is no more rational and theism.

"Atheism is about a desperate need to believe there is no god"

No- no more than baldness is a belief that hair does not exist. There is no desperation in disinterest.

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hplasm
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Re:Atheism is no more rational and theism.

Sorry, but bollocks.

If you say that, for instance Santa does not exist, this does not mean that you 'belive' santa does not exist.

It just means that, as far as you are concerned, there is no Santa.

Belief does not enter into it. If there are no tomatoes, and, when asked, you say' I believe there are no tomatoes', then there are NO TOMATOES and no amount of coercion will make them appear, just because you used the word 'believe' in the state of tomato existence.

So with gods. Atheists don't NEED them, so don't care. Agnostics are arse-covering at best.

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Bad wind halts space station resupply mission

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Make a wish...

"Also, why did you build your house in the middle of the Pacific?"

Well, it was called Tracey Island. Do you realise what you have done...?

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Beardy Branson bangs birds on Boeing

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Launcherone?

Or Luncherone!

Calzone- in a can!

I can't unsee it now either...

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hplasm
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FAIL

Re: That Guy

And you are- That Guy!

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If it still works six months from now, count yourself lucky

hplasm
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Devil

Either the Surface Pro or my colleague has not been assembled correctly.

Does this cover all Windows products vs users

i.e Microsoft's version of 'You're holding it wrong'

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Manchester 'wins' £10m to test talking bus stops

hplasm
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Happy

IoT Bikes and Bus stops!

Mad for IoT!

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New edition of Windows 10 turns security nightmares into reality

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Show me your thingy

A windows based IoT is easy to spot- it's the one that's as big as a bus.

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Microsoft Office 365, Azure portals offline for many users in Europe

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Office 2003

How does it do when scaling to a couple of thousand users?

What- Office 365? Not so well...

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hplasm
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Re: Office 365.25

"Who will protect us from this Gregorian Travesty?"

And we have a winner of the Rename MS Cloud Service competition!

Or a Retro Band...

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hplasm
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Coat

It's an ID problem.

Inactive Directory.

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Part of the world's IT brought down by Azure Active Directory issue

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Remedy.

" You need to fire up the RADIOACTIVE Directory."

Only for WiFi...

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hplasm
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Boffin

Remedy.

React!

Actively deactivate the inactive Active Directory and activate the inactive active Active Directory retroactively.

Crossfingers and reboot.

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Microsoft, US senators want to grease wheels of trade secret theft cases

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: What's left for Slurp

They can't give it away- why would anyone want to steal it?

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Windows 10 market share growth rate flattens again

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: word is getting out

"It's the fashion of smug pricks who comment on the Register. You can always tell them by their own particular reality distortion fields."

Yeah, they always bang on about how good the latest pile of Microsoft shit is, despite all evidence to the conrtary, the smug pricks...

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Spanish village celebrates Playmobil nativity

hplasm
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Coat

All that's missing-

little baby cheeses.

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Mega Microsoft dev tools update includes Clang codegen for Windows

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Bloat?

You would look constipated trying to push out Windows 10.

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hplasm
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Angel

Re: @planty Bloat?

"A light bulb running Unix. Ye gods..."

Why not? does one thing, and does it well.

Like windows - the glass ones...

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Safe Harbor solution not coming any time soon, says Dutch minister

hplasm
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Happy

Re: No

For someone with the last name of Trump, being called Donald is the least of his problems...

Perhaps calling him Not_Ronald_Mc would do?

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GCHQ can hack your systems at will – thanks to 'soft touch' oversight

hplasm
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Trollface

Re: Yawn.

"So, basically, the spooks are (very successfully) doing what we pay them to do, "

Watch people die?

Up yours Bryant. You've lost it.

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Conficker, back from the undead, dominates malware threat landscape

hplasm
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Facepalm

It's 2015 and you can still...

guess the rest.

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So why exactly are IT investors so utterly clueless?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Apparently...

So where do they go in the journey from food to poo?

We EAT them! Soylent Brown is GERMS!!

Aieee, etc.

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VW's Audi suspends two engineers in air pollution cheatware probe

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Interesting justification.

"My guess is that you are just lazy and switch on your car via the remote whilst you are scoffing your waffles with maple syrup."

My guess is that one day you'll live somewhere actually cold, and your windscreen will crack in two when you try this. Or, as usually happens if you are lucky, the water will freeze up solid again half a mile down the road...

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Who owns space? Looking at the US asteroid-mining act

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Environmental Consequences

Whoosh!

The sound of the moon being pulled down to the earth.

By Gru!

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: I am surprised

"Fantastic Four."

The IQ of congress?

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: @m0rt

Not to worry- theres still AO to look forward to.

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BOFH: How long does it take to complete Friday's lager-related tasks?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Lager related tasks?

Lager is only drunk when drunk.

FTFY.

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hplasm
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Re: admin obverhead

Agreed- first task, Monday morning: fill in time spent time recording for the rest of the week. That's ten hours accounted for already!

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UK gov sinks £25k into Pi-powered cyberdesk

hplasm
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WTF?

Mmm-

A hint of whalesong, a touch of joss-stick and the gentle dangle of bollocks.

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Suck it, Elon – Jeff Bezos' New Shepard space rocket blasts off, lands in one piece

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Its the wrong way to get off this planet

"...mass driver up the side of a mountain..."

The last guy working on this got shot in the head by Mossad...

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Why Microsoft yanked its latest Windows 10 update download: It hijacked privacy settings

hplasm
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Meh

Well-

They would say that, wouldn't they...

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Ex-IT staff claim Disney fired them then gave their jobs H1-B peeps

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Reasons given?

Cost.

New Executive Yacht Time Again.

Trebles all round!!

Where's the Fatcat icon? She'll have to do.

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hplasm
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Meh

I call Godwin.

Godwin's not here, man.

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MoJ restarts troubled £250m National Offender management ICT system

hplasm
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Coat

"...justice minister Shailesh Vara..."

Is that Star Wars character?

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TV broadcast vans drive ESA from Perth

hplasm
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Mmmmm.

Nice set of parabolas, there.

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Science Museum trumpets Da Vinci expo

hplasm
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Devil

Re: "trumpet's Da Vinci expo"

"Like 'of Nazereth'"

As opposed to Jesus of Guadalupe?

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Windows 10 pilot rollouts will surge in early 2016, says Gartner

hplasm
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Meh

"People pay actual money for this sort of "insight"?"

Why not- they pay money for that sort of "software".

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hplasm
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Re: Windows 10

"It's got what plants crave."

Sadly true. Many plants will buy it.

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Paris, jihadis, tech giants ... What is David Cameron's speechwriter banging on about now?

hplasm
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Facepalm

So-

This confirms what we already suspected. Cameron is an empty resonant chamber, and his voice is supplied by idiots.

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Downloads for Windows 10 November big-bang build axed by Microsoft

hplasm
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Meh

And nothing of value

was lost.

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