* Posts by hplasm

2844 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Google gives Maps a lick of paint, smears it over screens worldwide

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Rejoice at that news

^^^ beer for this ^^^^

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Elon Musk ADMITS he met Apple: iCar 'great idea', keeps schtum on Tesla hookup

hplasm
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Angel

Who would want one?

Apart from iCarly.

(whoever that is...)

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Chihuahua TERROR: Packs of TINY hounds menace Arizona

hplasm
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Devil

Hah.

"The ability to form a pack of Chihauahas is insignificant next to the power of the ride-on lawnmower."

Yip-yip-yip-EEEeee-kayay.

Splut.

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Microsoft claims x86 hypervisor market lead

hplasm
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Meh

Ah, I see..

Just as Mr Creosote was the world's largest man, just before exploding.

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Google warns Glass wearers: Quit being 'CREEPY GLASSHOLES'

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Sound

And then they could film you getting run over by the reversing truck behind you...

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: argh

"people are allowed opinions that differ from yours, you know, and shouldn't be shouted down, bullied or made to feel vain for wanting to..."

Wear GoogleGlass?

Sauce. Goose. Gander.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: don't get it

Indeed.

in the future, the lines will be drawn. Glasshole or just plain Arsehole.

Most people won't give a shit.

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HP 'KNEW' about Autonomy's hardware sales BEFORE the whistle blew: report

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: HP knew...

No banana for you...

Unsurprised

1.not feeling or showing surprise at something unexpected.

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Google's paid link settlement plan will lead to fresh wave of abuses, claims Euro rival

hplasm
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Meh

"UK-based price comparison site Foundem"

Who?

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Microsoft's new CEO: The technology isn't his problem

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Simple advice for Nadella

If Microsoft made cars, they would have a horse in the engine compartment.

MS - a one trick pony.

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IT'S ALIVE! China's Jade Rabbit rover RETURNS from the DEAD

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Now That's what you get-

Oh, please yourselves...

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hplasm
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Linux

Now That's what you get-

When you run (Red Flag) Linux!

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The UNTOLD SUCCESS of Microsoft: Yes, it's Windows 7

hplasm
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Linux

Re: What the hell did they expect?

How do the more popular Linux setups approach this?

They let you choose what you want.

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Microsoft throws open Excel-based biz data tools to world+dog

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Worst product name ever?

Bill's Income?

Ballmer's Insanity?

Bad Investment?

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Microsoft gets with the times, builds two-factor authentication into Office 365

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: It's rapidly getting so that you can't do anything without a phone

If vendor lock-in is your thing.

Diversity is good.

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RISE of the MACHINES and Bitcoin: Bill Gates' Reddit tech predictions

hplasm
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Angel

Re: Bitcoin IS tracable

Now now, you are talking tech here- it should be clear that it's not Billg's strong point, so you should cut him some slack here...

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Nokia to launch low-cost Android phone this month – report

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Too late

"anyone who knows anything about the mobile phone industry is currently laughing at your naivety."

Not MS then?

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Inside Microsoft's Autopilot: Nadella's secret cloud weapon

hplasm
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Go

Microsoft Autopilot

As fitted to Hotblack Desiato's stuntship.

Full speed ahead!

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New Microsoft CEO Nadella could earn FOURTEEN TIMES what Ballmer banked in 2013

hplasm
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Meh

Re: What's all this 'compensation' shite.

I agree! It seems that even dragging your arse out of bed in the morning is worthy of 'compensation' now.

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BT scratches its head over MYSTERY Home Hub disconnections

hplasm
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Happy

In fact-

Can you recommend anything that runs windows?

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ISS astronauts to grow tomatoes and rice …. IN SPAAAAACE

hplasm
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Happy

Re: BOVINES IN SPACE!!!!

Use square pigs instead!

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Cameron: UK public is fine with domestic spying

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: I'm On A Rant!

" if caught they would face a very substantial custodial sentence......"

And Hell would host the Winter Olympics.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: If there was any doubt

"it is a dangerous world and there are bad people that want to do terrible things to us, and we should keep voting them into power." said the out-of-touch Prime Minister today from his constituency on Neptune.

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Volunteers slam plans to turn Bletchley Park into 'geeky Disneyland'

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: We are the only people that care because ...

Rather-

The management just walk in and say "Ah, that looks untidy. Can't you move it somewhere else or get rid of it and get something modern?!"

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Tunguska object came from Mars say Russian boffins

hplasm
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Alien

It's BUGS!

That did it- Buenos Aires is next!!

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US govt watchdog slams NSA snooping as illegal, useless against terrorism

hplasm
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Trollface

Re: Loopy Wankinmasta Martin Gregorie Anon Cluetard Boston Marathon Bombing

"unlike you - I have a clue."

"unlike you - I have froth on my chin."

FTFY.

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Microsoft seeks patent for blade server chassis

hplasm
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Gimp

"the wonderful gadgets filling our lives."

I thought you were droning on about Surface?

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CERN boffins fire ANTI-HYDROGEN BEAM

hplasm
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Pint

Anti matter...

Stuff that doesn't matter?

Celebs are made of antimatter!

Seriously though, Death Rays!

Bzzt!

(Sorry, I read That Post, above. I think it's catching...)

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Mystery 'doughnut' materializes in front of Mars rover: 'OH MY GOD! It wasn't there before!'

hplasm
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Holmes

Horta Droppings

That is all.

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Surface Pro 2 dim screen of death snafu STILL happening after patch

hplasm
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Meh

Re:It's okay, they make a nice skateboard.

Until the wheels come off...

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Microsoft has a tablet out?

No, that would be ridiculous!

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Your squirty insecticides make bumblebees SHRINK, warn boffins

hplasm
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Happy

Re: OY You lot, over here.

They mustn't use it around here- not on the sheep anyway- as some of the bumblebees are as big as buses.

Cargo bees, I reckon.

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EE BrightBox routers can be hacked 'by simple copy/paste operation'

hplasm
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Re: Telecom Italia had such junk before...

Telecom Italia- they make BT look good.

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Put down that airbrush, now you can touch up hot models in REAL LIFE

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: > now you can touch up hot models in REAL LIFE

Or 'inappropriate behaviour',,,

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Modern spying 101: How NSA bugs Chinese PCs with tiny USB radios - NYT

hplasm
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Re: I've heard .....

Not sure about the magnet feet, but I'm certain it has many more arses than that, working for it.

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Alien SUPER-EARTH: If there is LIFE up there, it'll be moaning about the weather

hplasm
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WTF?

@zmodem

You do know you sound like the meaningless half of a loud guy's phone call we can all hear, no?

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Coming in 2014: Scary super-soldier exoskeleton suits from the US military

hplasm
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Meh

The next war- 2018?

The suit will just need to be good enough to withstand a "well regulated militia"... if the survivalists can be bothered.

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How the NSA hacks PCs, phones, routers, hard disks 'at speed of light': Spy tech catalog leaks

hplasm
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Happy

"Because if someone leaks Chinese secrets..."

Won't they be totally different by the time the info gets back to base?

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BT tweaks WORDING of sex-ed web block after complaints

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: @MrXavia

"K9 protection."

Why? Because on the Internet, nobody knows you are a dog.

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It's the dream: Bill Gates chucks cash at WEE-IN-YOUR-PHONE project

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Wee in your phone

What a U turn! Makes a change from taking the piss out of Gate's products...

Tramp smells of latent energy ---

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Asteroid-hunting beauty AWAKENS, takes cheeky snaps of neighbours

hplasm
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Alien

Oh-

I can see his sprunger!

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James Bond's 'shaken not stirred': Down to trembling boozer's hands, claim boffins

hplasm
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Meh

Re: You're allowed more booze than that.

As the physician who was asked to provide the maximum *allowed number of alcohol units for consumption freely admits to pulling the number out of his arse, then it follows that any critique of a subject's drinking that relies on these units is by definition , bollocks; when applied to a fictional character, doubly so.

*All hail Nanny!

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Jupiter moon Europa spotted spraying WATER into SPAAACCCEE

hplasm
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Pirate

Re: "I truly would love to know what's under that ice crust..."

Tentacles, that's what. great bolshy big ones, too, I reckon.

They'll have yer, mark my words...

Also, Yarr.

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Munich signs off on Open Source project

hplasm
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Re: Wow.

Compatibility testing is anathema to MS and their adherents these days.

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Big goolies-grabbing black snake nips unlucky bloke's trouser snake

hplasm
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Coat

Re: high end porta-johns...

Imagine that!

Buzzer goes off, punter pulls up pants and looks down into hole, only to see a small child splashing there below.

"Funny," he thinks, "I don't remember eating that..."

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Spoilsport though I know I'm being...

The message is obvious.

Watch IT!

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Microsoft rallies channel troops: Sell, sell, sell our spanking new 'Cloud OS'

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Watch yer backs

"companies are already swarming round it like flies to shit..."

Because it's already dead?

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Fisher-Price in hot seat: iPad bouncy chair lets APPLE BABYSIT tots – parents

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: iPad vs plastic trinkets

One is a garish plastic toy and the other one is a stimulating infant bauble....

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I KNOW how to SAVE Microsoft. Give Windows 8 away for FREE – analyst

hplasm
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Meh

Windows is only free-

If your time is worth the square root of fuck-all.

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It's true, the START MENU is coming BACK to Windows 8, hiss sources

hplasm
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Meh

Re: I had to Google how to find the Control Panel...

"Right click the start button (bottom left hotcorner if 8.0)..."

With a finger ??

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