* Posts by hplasm

4034 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Californian tycoons stole my sharing economy, says Lily Cole

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Lily!

How about paying the grants back?

That's Impossible- dot com.

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Yelp-for-people app Peeple is back – so we rated Julia, its cofounder

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: What? Shaddup!

" Idiots don't get to be worth 12.4 BILLION dollars."

Bollocks. Reality proves you are very wrong. Sad but true.

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Microsoft has made SQL Server for Linux. Repeat, Microsoft has made SQL Server 2016 for Linux

hplasm
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Happy

Re:With sufficient thrust pigs fly just fine

"Don't they tend to fall apart in mid-air?"

Like Clouds...

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Imagine my joy

~"Clippy grew a vagina??"

Clippy always was one...

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Bill Clinton killed off internet taxes, says Australian politician

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Dufus

"How do people as dumb as this guy get anywhere?"

There's millions of the bastards, scratching each others stupid backs and egos.

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Microsoft: Ditch your phone biz and do crazy hardware experiments

hplasm
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Devil

Universal apps will run over *all devices !!

Like a car runs over tortoises...

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Blah Blah blah ... I don't care! To hell with your tech marketing bull

hplasm
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Unhappy

Promethius RIP

My condolences for the loss of your friend.

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Greybeard monobrow baldies rejoice! Boffins comb out hairy genes

hplasm
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Re: Monobrow revisited

Are normal eyebrows a stereobrow?

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Backup bods at Microsoft lose CA audit data after server crash

hplasm
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Devil

What sort of system is setup so that a CRM system is capable of overwriting a backup?

Begins with A_____. Sold to chumps by M________.

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Windows 10 Mobile bug fixes come thick and fast as official upgrade nears

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: @Clive S -- Windows Phone - Every day, in every way, getting more and more meh [...]

"MS Word ... hmmmm ... is that the one that everyone uses and that makes Libre Office look like an early 90s shareware application?"

No, it's the shit one you have to pay to lose access to your historical files.

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More and more Brits are using ad-blockers, says survey

hplasm
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Meh

caffeine addict-

Either an Advertising wonk, or Stef from UserFriendly.

Same thing, really...

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Bill Gates can’t give it away... Still crazy rich after all these years

hplasm
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Re: You could argue..

And you could pay someone to piss into Trumps coffee.

Or they could pay to jump the queue.

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hplasm
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"I say put an A.I in charge of America."

Artificial Intelligence, or American Idiot?

The second is getting a bit old now...

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NSA boss reveals top 3 security nightmares that keep him awake at night

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Eh?

Arrg! Cyber!!

Kill it with fire!!

What is wrong with these people...?

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SpaceX Falcon 9 set for fourth launch attempt

hplasm
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Re: The last one landed vertically

And if the vertical landing legs work as planned.

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SCO vs. IBM looks like it's over for good

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I'll believe it when ...

I can take a dump on SCO's gravestone, and then piss on the grave."

Are you ready to queue?

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Barking spider prompts Spanish clan shoot-out

hplasm
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Happy

Roma aroma!

It inflames the gypsy blood.

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Don't take a Leaf out of this book: Nissan electric car app has ZERO authentication

hplasm
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Re: Don't put microcomputers into cars...

"A very, very, small horse?"

Have ypu seen the size of the flagella on that...!

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Gosh, what a huge shock: Ofcom shies away from BT Openreach split, calls for reform

hplasm
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Meh

BT had better get ready-

for a savage gumming!

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Reminder: How to get a grip on your files, data that Windows 10 phones home to Microsoft

hplasm
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Devil

"." They're beta testers. Everything is necessary."

Windows 10 has reached beta?

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Lonely bloke in chem suit fuels Mars orbiter

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I never painted a boat but my looks ain't so good ...

Perhaps a nice coat of paint...?

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Cameron co-opts UK mobile industry for EU Remain campaign

hplasm
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Happy

Re: David Cameron...

Have you been away? On the moon?

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Bill Gates denies iPhone crack demand would set precedent

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Bill Gates.

Knows little about phones, and even less about security.

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NASA's Orion: 100,000 parts riding 8 million pounds of thrust

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: The march of technology...

"thrust... comparable to that of the Saturn V"

And that only with strapping those dangerous fireworks to it as well.

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Intel shows budget Android phone powering big-screen Linux

hplasm
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Happy

"The concept is broadly similar to Microsoft's Continuum for Windows 10 Mobile..."

Except it exists, and apparently works.

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'Kalamazoo killer' gave Uber rides in between shooting six dead

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: @Alister

"It would seem he is a man with mental health problems..."

Sounds like a terrist to me!

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: @Alister

"The reason why he's not a terrorist is that..."

the media haven't called him one.

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NASA boffin wants FRIKKIN LASERS to propel lightsails

hplasm
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Re: Would them there lasers be shark mounted ?

"...what happens when they unionise ?"

They lose their overall charge.

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Black Monday: Office 365 down and out in Europe

hplasm
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Office 365 outage?

Not really news any more, is it?

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HP Inc Elite X3: Windows 10 phablet for enterprise-y types

hplasm
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Meh

Greybeards be waitin' 'cos Windows be rollin'...

...downhill fast!

FTFY

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Linux Mint forums hacked: All users urged to reset passwords

hplasm
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Re:Surely Mint is nubs standing on the ghost of Windows?

Windows is dead?

Rejoice!

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What we all really need is an SD card for our cars. Thanks, SanDisk

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Monster cables for cars

"But hey, if people *think*..."

Aye, there's the rub!

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Facebook sniffs at slow telcos, launches own Telecom Infrastructure Project

hplasm
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Happy

Facebook saves the world!

1. Zuck buys BT

2. Zuck closes BT down

3. Zuck unrolls fibre everywhere

4. PROFIT!

He has lots of cash, but few friends...

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Linux Mint hacked: Malware-infected ISOs linked from official site

hplasm
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Gimp

And yet you'd doubtless have laughed your tackle off if this had been Windows...

Jokes are for laughing at.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: compromised

"'Tis a Shame Keith, that you don't know a compromised website from your compromised MS Windows PC."

Duh- Is that the big 'e'?

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: With success, comes malware..

"IIRC it took a week for a search for Code Red on microsoft.com to return anything relevant."

Be fair- it takes more than a week to find anything on microsoft.com. Longer if you use Bing(e).

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hplasm
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Windows

Re: Or...

Windowlickers are restless tonight, sir...

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hplasm
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Meh

The ghost of SCO

Bursts forth one last time just before the credits roll for a final stab at linux...

Smells of a large co, or the adherents thereof, or their acolytes- or some dicks.

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Solution to tech bros' disgust of SF homeless people launched

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Yes, but HOW exactly?

" I would hate to visit the new Apple Campus, only to be greeted by a talking shrub."

That would be a reason (only reason?) to visit!

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hplasm
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FAIL

re:a few bullets would be far cheaper and more permanent

That would make a mess of the board room. Motion Carried!

Oh- you meant for the poor?

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US DoJ files motion to compel Apple to obey FBI iPhone crack order

hplasm
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Devil

Re: AC Here's what you do tim...

And the matt came back, the very next...year.

Must have been an eclipse or something...

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Microsoft patent filing confirms existence of 3D Jedi gesture phone

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: petalium@gmail.com

You have too many phones...

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hplasm
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Meh

Jedi Phone from MS

A Lumia, with a Kinect bolted on top.

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Q: How many guns to arm nine coachloads of terrorists?

hplasm
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"Okay, tonight's movie will be Hot Fuzz."

Oo- I'll have a cornetto, then.

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hplasm
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Re: So why ...

"Hunters? Given the nature of some the weapons, (an anti-tank missile, and an uzi with a bayonette) that concept brings the Monty Python sketch Mosquito Hunting to mind:"

American squirrel hunters, then.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re:Does this mean there would also be 72 coachloads of virgins?

Only when the first eight sets of 9 coaches arrive at the destination...

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hplasm
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Re: Standard measure

Rubberdinghy Sithole, the founder of ZANU in Rhodesia?

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The paperless office? Don’t talk sheet

hplasm
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Happy

"I applied for some stuff at the US Embassy a few years ago."

I'm surprised they could scan A4 paper!

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Aussie bloaters gorging on junk food 'each and every day'

hplasm
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Re: 'religious stretching'

Long Pope is Looonnngggg!!

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Your anger is our energy, says Microsoft as it fixes Surface

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: I have Surface Pro 4 and lots of problems

Xrist, what a palaver. Isn't it easier to get a refund and buy something that works out of the box?

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