* Posts by hplasm

3803 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

California cops pull over Google car for driving too SLOWLY

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: This made me laugh

"If you drive a forklift truck you have to have a retest every three years."

Probably because of repetitive driving at 5mph in a 30 zone...

0
0

MS Future Decoded conference, or The Empire Strikes Back

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Chief Storytelling Officer...

That begins to explain some of the problems at MS.

3
0

Microsoft creates its own movie moment with fancy privacy manifesto

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

"O Captain, My Captain!"

Come up -the ship is sinking.

0
1

Microsoft is about to launch a UK store within a store

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Obvious choice!

Poundland!

13
1

Pause Patch Tuesday downloads, buggy code can kill Outlook

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Move fast and break things

"Someone wrote a poem about it once. It starts:"

Ha Fleeg, Har Fleeg- shurley, as any fule kno...

2
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

"Your abacus is not affected.."

Windows 10 is an abacus.

2
2

TalkTalk boss: 'Customers think we're doing right thing after attack'

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Customers think TalkTalk is doing the right thing

"Virgin - not available"

Virgin do ADSL just like the rest. Did you ask?

2
2
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Talk Talk

Hack Hack.

Nasty cough you have there, Dido.

2
0

Anything AWS can do: Microsoft announces UK data centre region for Azure cloud

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Office 365 Delve

If that's not a snoop-sounding name...

1
4

One Bitcoin or lose your data, hacked Linux sysadmins told

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: because GCHQ et al

"Since when is Law Enforcement an intelligence agency's job?"

If not that then what?

Oh, of course- keeping themselves in a job.

3
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Linux

3-2-1...

And fixed.

Sod Off HaxxOrs- because backups.

7
0

Flying drug mule crashes in Manchester prison

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Perhaps-

It's time for a bit of chickenwire over the clink?

15
0

Trident test-shot startles West Coast Americans

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

If they think that was bad-

Imagine the surprise they would have felt if the warhead(s) had gone off next.

1
0

New Horizons makes last burn for Kuiper Belt target

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: Funding...

It's a shame that ALL country's governments have so many idiots running things.

12
0

Doctor Who's good/bad duality, war futility tale in The Zygon Inversion fails to fizz

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: William Hartnell

Nope!

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Im just wondering

Just wait until it goes on late-night Dave or UK Gold... you'll be lucky to get the same Doctor each episode.

1
0

TPP: 'Scary' US-Pacific trade deal published – you're going to freak out when you read it

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Where we're going, we don't need roads!

Just a handbasket...

8
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: Source code

Rather than excluding Open Source it is more like:-

A Govt Dept: Hey MS, we think your Win10 may have a backdoor, and we won't buy it until you let us look at the source code.

Microsoft: You agreed to buy it. TPP says we don't have to show you the source anymore. Pony up.

10
0

No C&C server needed: Russia menaced by offline ransomware

hplasm
Silver badge
Headmaster

Eek!

"Check Point reached out..."

Don't. Just stop.

17
0

Red Hat Enterprise Linux lands on Microsoft Azure cloud – no, we're not pulling your leg

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: avoid proprietary BS.

GNUshit!

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Typical MSFT!

"Give people supported, functional software to run businesses with!"

Leopards, spots, etc.

1
1

Music lovers move to block Phil Collins' rebirth

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: I'm not a fan but

They aren't on in every jukebox in every pub every night ever...

Arg! for the 80's!

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Please God!

Bob Marley version?

2
0

Microsoft's OneDrive price hike has wrecked its cloud strategy

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: @Krillin reality check

"The important question here is, why would anyone keep a zombie in the garage?."

The smell?

3
0

Microsoft Windows 7 Pro: Halloween Horror for PC makers next year

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Where are the Gates and Balmers of yesteryear?

Living it up on the loot of millions.

6
0

Windows 10 growth stalls during October

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: A pedant writes...

"Since we're doing pedantry, ..."

Famous last words... "...the wings stop producing life..."

I'm sure there's a word for this.

1
0

Next year's Windows 10 auto-upgrade is MSFT's worst idea since Vista

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Then why use Windows at all?

"And if your software is designed for controlling low-level hardware and therefore requires direct hardware access (which neither WINE nor a VM can provide) AND requires Internet access?"

Then the hardware will probably fail the Win 10 test (ie is more than 2-3 yrs old...)

3
0

Use Skype if you want to report a crime, say cops

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Not everyone has Skype

Face to face.

So now they have your details and your face to put in the database.

3
0

The only GOOD DRONE is a DEAD DRONE. Y'hear me, scumbags?!

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: Down A Drone Today

I hate to say it, but this is why we can't have nice things flying cars.

2
0

Think Fortran, assembly language programming is boring and useless? Tell that to the NASA Voyager team

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: No room at

If it's not a Z80, it's just a petrol-pump controller chip.

2
2

Get 'em out for the... readers: The Sun scraps its online paywall

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Reached Out

Reminds me of the Depeche Mode hit - 'Reach out and Punch Face'

2
0

Chrome OS is not dead, insists Google veep in charge of Chrome OS

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Bah!

"Er, it's one of Wilde's!"

2
0

How Microsoft will cram Windows 10 even harder down your PC's throat early next year

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: wsusoffline - win

"If I were your customer, I'd be looking to get shot of you with a snotty attitude like that."

Said millions of ex-Windows users, to Microsoft as WinX is forced on more and more unsuspecting machines.

11
0

Seagate unveils enlarged spy drive with support for 64 spycams

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: The difference between a Surveillance Drive and a Hard Drive is..

I'm surprised they din't go the whole hog* and make the model #1984...

* 4 legs good...

2
0

Cops use terror powers to lift BBC man's laptop after ISIS interview

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Works for me

Easily scared, aren't you.

27
1

Raspberry Pi grows the pie with new deal allowing custom recipes

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Careful!

"What would one of the ports be for?"

A moisture sensor to keep an eye on the levee...

- saves a drive, and Chevys drink gas.

16
0

Microsoft's 'Arrow' Android launcher flies into Play store

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: tsk tsk.

"...what photos exactly would end up on my phone"

Every day, bing(e) would deliver a picture of TIKFAM as your desktop.

One day....

2
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Way t o go...

"...rather than from the top down as you would in Android. "

Another 'Steering wheel now on floor, we know best' moment from Redmond.

5
6

Caption this: WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

hplasm
Silver badge

Oh my...

I really hope the networks are ready for my 16k television - Ol' Gil really needs this job...

0
0

Bacon as deadly as cigarettes and asbestos

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: what's the point in pigs?

Ask Cameron...

8
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Sea change in "allowed" foods

— Deuteronomy & Leviticus

The best Big Books of Things to Do on Opposite Day. Vol I & II

Praise Calvin!

(and Hobbes!)

4
0

Sales down, profit up, 1,000 bods chopped: Your one-minute guide to Planet Microsoft

hplasm
Silver badge
Angel

Re: We are making strong progress across each of our three ambitions...

"Well, I did write this ages ago, in the fist week after I took over..." - 'Nad.

0
0

Laid-off IT workers: You want free on-demand service for what now?

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: They don't call El Reg a redtop for nothing...

"They don't call El Reg a redtop for nothing..."

I prefer the term 'Red-headed Stepchild' myself...

5
0

Windows 10 out, users happy, PCs upgraded, my work here is done – says Microsoft OS chief

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: After a Project That Size

"Windows 10 out, users happy, PCs upgraded..."

Pick any one.

1
0

Wait a minute, Doc! Are you telling me that you built a self-driving car ... out of a DeLorean!?

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

How long does the battery last?

1.21 GW is quite a heavy drain...

4
0

GCHQ to pore over blueprints of Chinese built Brit nuke plants

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: "selling property overseas to invest in its own future."

"Bollocks to London."

T-shirt please!

4
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: Maybe a stupid question...

Because the asylum is run by accountants and lawyers.

3
0

Elderly? Disabled? You clearly need a .38" Palm Pistol

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Oops

They could call it the 'Pistorius'.

edit- AC in before me!

4
1

Steve Ballmer praises Twitter job cuts after buying 4% stake in ailing micro-blab site

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Balmer-

Do enlighten us - and don't forget to add value to the thread...

0
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Balmer-

Noun: Long for twat.

3
1

Forums