* Posts by hplasm

3071 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Bureaucrats And How To Annoy Them-

By R.T.Fishall

(Actually by Patrick Moore OBE, RIP)

A sterling work.

1
0

WATCH: Rosetta astroboffin TATTOOED with PHILAE from the FUTURE!

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Your article is in bad taste, Jasper

Not so much bad taste- but it does make you sound like you have a Brylcreemed side parting...

Hehehe...

2
0

'Tech giants who encrypt comms are unwittingly aiding terrorists', claims ex-Home Sec Blunkett

hplasm
Silver badge
FAIL

Braille is encryption

Perhaps he would like to start there?

2
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: SPOTTED THE DELIBERATE MISTAKE

9/11 or 11/9- let us not forget the terrible day.

Manchester dogs home was torched.

2
0

Elon Musk and ex-Google man mull flinging 700 internet satellites into orbit

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Not a lard arse

Hmm. Hundreds of satellites, or parts of some sort of metallic suits...?

(No, not bloody cybermen Mk 2...)

0
0

Doctor Who trashing the TARDIS, Clara alone, useless UNIT – Death in Heaven

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: The Doctor, poised to kill the Master.

But!- at least The Doctor now is free of the mawkish Doctor Cult that was starting to weigh him down about 'Am I good or not?'; thanks David Tennant for keeping that one one going...

Also- bloody Rose Tyler didn't stick her nose in at the last minute.

5
0

Lindsay Lohan ignores El Reg's tender twitterly advances

hplasm
Silver badge
Pint

Re: Really?

"When you think of another way, let us know.2

how about ----- >

0
0

3D PRINTED GUNS: THIS time it's for REAL! Oh, wait – no, still crap

hplasm
Silver badge
WTF?

Has WiRED

Had their coffee supply cut off recently, or have they just started spouting weird crap?

6
0

Russians hear Tim Cook is gay, pull dead Steve Jobs' enormous erection

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Something lost in the translation?

@Abacus-

I can see why you're worried about sodomy.

You're an arsehole.

5
0

Hold onto your hats and follow the BYOD generation

hplasm
Silver badge
WTF?

You want me-

-to bring in my own kit, to use for work. And you want to pay me less...?

12
0

New GCHQ spymaster: US tech giants are 'command and control networks for TERROR'

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Surveil?!?

How about Stalk.

6
0

European SPACEMAN exposes EERIE snaps of ISS in Twitter feed

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Up-side-down

"...map of earth with north at the top is a man-man view of the world ..."

But if North isn't at the top, the writing is upside-down...

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Cockneys don't stick to either...

Teflon or...?

2
0

Microsoft: How to run Internet Explorer 11 on ANDROID, iOS, OS X

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

"you can expect RemoteIE to hang or crash randomly."

Wow. It is an accurate test-bed then?

12
4

BOFH: Stop your tiers – when it comes to storage, LESS is MORE

hplasm
Silver badge

FTFY-

"Simon is my hero. He says and does all of the things we wish we could say and do."

-more than just once...

0
0

Virgin's SpaceShipTwo crashes in Mojave Desert during test flight

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

A sad day.

Following on from the loss of Antares, the very sad loss of a test pilot for Virgin.

My thoughts are with his family, the survivor and his kin, and with Mr Branson, and his staff who I know will feel this deeply.

Honour goes to those who put themselves forward to see what lies over the horizon.

The list of the brave has sadly gained another name on the Wall of remembrance.

Ad astra per ardua.

No-one ever said it would be easy. Sometimes it can be very hard indeed.

8
0

Facebook OCP crowd to ogle MICROSOFT'S server-room SECRETS

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: I'll save you some time...

True...yes, you may well be...neither would I.

3
4

Apple to PROTECT YOU from dreaded TROUSER EXPLOSIONS

hplasm
Silver badge
Flame

So-

Flame retardant polyester slacks?

Aieee!

/ Fire

0
0

Happy 2nd birthday, Windows 8 and Surface: Anatomy of a disaster

hplasm
Silver badge
FAIL

Re: Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory...

"Last time I tried Linux and attempted to install Firefox..."

Meanwhile, in the 21st Century...

25
3

Nokia STORMS back into profit, FREE from phones and Windows

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Sounds familiar-

Sindbad ditches Old Man of the Sea, escapes to a Prosperous Future Life.

0
0

In the next four weeks, 100 people will decide the future of the web

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: a thought

"It is because a large segment of the population isn't Christian."

But neither are they related to Pilgrims...

4
3

DEATH by PowerPoint: Microsoft warns of 0-day attack hidden in slides

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Ha!

All Powerpoint docs should be treated as somewhat malicious...

17
1

Trips to Mars may be OFF: The SUN has changed in a way we've NEVER SEEN

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Space!

it's a seething radioactive hell - you can't take nuclear power out there and pollute it!

15
0

MARS NEEDS WOMEN, claims NASA pseudo 'naut: They eat less

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: It definitely makes sense

"breed some squid...They are smaller than us..."

Jesus- how big are you?

q.v...Architeuthis....

0
0

ISPs handbagged: BLOCK knock-off sites, rules beak

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: Blocking the Pirate Bay Worked So Well...

"Who advises the idiots in charge, more idiots?"

Yes.

It seems that it is idiots all the way down.

2
0

Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: That had me worried

"...a fleet of small drone aircraft moving closer and then tightening nuts and lubing aileron actuators, as they flew along."

Now that would be cool!

1
0

Doctor Who and the Dalek: 10-year-old tests BBC programming game

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: hold on...

"... or why crayons couldn't be used to design something that changes the world."

You always manage to get Windows Metro in somehow...

4
2

STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

In other news-

Sheep eat grass.

22
0

Microsoft pulls another dodgy patch

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Tuesday

Is dustbin day...

7
0

French 'terror law' declares WAR on the INTERNET itself, say digi-rights folks

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Who defines terrorist ?

"Actually there is a very clear and well defined line."

Thanks for that. Now will someone please inform these fuckers in charge? Ta.

0
3
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

In other words-

France declares war on Internet for not being all in French.

8
0

It's even GRIMMER up North after MEGA SKY BROADBAND OUTAGE

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Manchester is not northen

You do know what they say about Edinburghers in Aberdeen, don't you?

2
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Flame

Re: Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

"Nope, no British cakes are subject to laws restricting where they can be made."

It's an outrage, I tell you! What good is the EU then?

/rant

2
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

North?

Meh- Mostly Cheshire. Southern softies, hardly grim at all.

9
2

Martha Lane Fox: YEUCH! The Internet is MADE by MEN?!?

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Words fail me...

Wait- AAAARG!!

That's better...

0
0

Sway: Microsoft's new Office app doesn't have an Undo function

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: continuing the trend

But if you use "Windows" they sic the DMCA on you.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/10/15/microsoft_dmca_innocents_hit/

So Winblows, Microsucks etc seem to be legitimate alternatives...

6
9
hplasm
Silver badge
Stop

Sway.

What you do when pissed.

24
0

Bono apologises for iTunes album dump

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Have to laugh

"What's a lepricorn?"

One of the new Astrological signs for left handed people.

5
0

ONE MILLION people already running Windows 10

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Or a side door?

“Insiders” have delivered “over 200,000” pieces of feedback.

A lot of keystrokes, there.

3
2

Return of the Jedi – Apache reclaims web server crown

hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: Active Sites versus All Sites

"Microsoft have over a third of reported on web sites on the planet running IIS."

Just what is the colour of the sky on your planet, anyway? Most of the IIS servers that aren't just linkfarms are probably needed to host the 'help' files for the atrocious ribbon based Windows applications.

4
1

I've got a new Linux box, how does it work... WOAH, only asking :-/

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Or is it -

A GNU Herd thing?

8
2

Microsoft confirms Surface NOT DEAD YET, next-gen version coming

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: We've all been there

MS can't stop producing the Surface because of the 'tiles' concept.

Ballmer needs enough units to tile the roof of his stadium.

2
0

Hey, non-US websites – FBI don't have to show you any stinkin' warrant

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Team America!

We are at war with the USA government. We have always been at war with the USA government.

Nice of them to finally tell us.

13
0

HOT BABES! Worried you won't get that JOB in IT? MENTION how hot you are

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

Rather-

"I know that always working 16 hours a day without receiving overtime pay has taken its toll on my looks, but... if that's what is on offer, you can stick your job up your bum. I don't work for nothing. I'm an engineer, not an idiot."

3
0

Linux systemd dev says open source is 'SICK', kernel community 'awful'

hplasm
Silver badge
FAIL

Yeah-

Funny how you never see them both together...

1
0

Microsoft on the Threshold of a new name for Windows next week

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: They should play to their real strengths...

and call it Microsoft Zero.

2
0

Man's future in space ... Barack Obama: Mars. Narendra Modi: Mars. Vladimir Putin: Er, Moon

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: speaking as a member of the cow-herd fraternity

And the lunar jumping over...

1
0

Patch Bash NOW: 'Shellshock' bug blasts OS X, Linux systems wide open

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Can you hear that sound?

It's Windroids salivating and Fisher-Price Programmers rushing to comment.

Will they get here before the exploit is patched...

Probably not.

11
25

TOR users become FBI's No.1 hacking target after legal power grab

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: And here we go again...

I suggest TOR honeypots filled with Stuxnet derivatives.

Let the FBI eat cake.

1
0

It's a pain in the ASCII, so what can be done to make patching easier?

hplasm
Silver badge
Linux

Windows.

Still not ready for the desktop.

Discuss.

10
4

Forums