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* Posts by hplasm

2576 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Apple hires streaming vid bloke: Nurse, the corpse of Apple monster telly is twitching again

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: An "open plane" would just crash.

Which one; X, Y or Z?

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A £30,000, 295bhp 4G MODEM?!? Must be the Audi S3 Quattro, then

hplasm
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Devil

How about a voice alert to remind Audi drivers-

To use their fucking indicators!

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Sysadmins fail to fix NHS IT snafu, HUNDREDS of appointments cancelled

hplasm
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Meh

"network problems"

Ah- that old chestnut.

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Former Microsoftie in AUTOMATIC BEER MAKER funding plea

hplasm
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Happy

Re: A few other ingredients

"Shtop! This Ex-M$ beer is not ready!"

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Hackers just POURING through unpatched Internet Explorer zero-day hole

hplasm
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Windows

Re: It doesn't matter what browser you use.. @hplasm

"...do you realise that trotting out the same old crap here is likely to have zero effect..."

Indeed- see Microsoft sales.

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hplasm
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Holmes

It doesn't matter what browser you use..

If it is as shitty and unpatched as IE,that is.

No matter how much it is "improved", using it is like Groundhog Day.

Time after time, the same headline... you could use a rubber stamp.

Don't use it.

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Windows Phone market share hits double digits in UK and France

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Here we go again

"There are plenty of Nokias to be seen about on public transport in the City of London, and around the square mile..."

Which proves something- but I don't think it's as good as you might imagine...

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WHY didn't Microsoft buy RIM? Us business blokes would have queued for THAT phone

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: WTF indeed.

Get back in Marketing.

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Douglas Adams was RIGHT! TINY ALIENS are invading Earth, say boffins

hplasm
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Alien

Eek!

I know that photo...

Andromeda.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066769/

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Fanbois shun 'crappy plastic' iPhone 5C

hplasm
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WTF?

" the tech savvy who formed the queues"

Whaaat?

A new spin on the words 'tech' and 'savvy' perhaps?

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Boffins: Earth will be habitable for only 1.75 BEEELLION more years

hplasm
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Alien

Re: Gliese 581d, getting there

"creatures that make velicoraptors look like koala bears by comparison."

I take it you're not aquainted with the Ob'enn, then?

Velocirapters, pah.

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Ex-CEO Elop's plunder to total $25m in voyage from Nokia to Microsoft

hplasm
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Meh

It's always

Make Out Like a Pirate Day, in the US

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One year to go: Can Scotland really declare gov IT independence?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Will they want their own super-duper computer/

No need- the bit of seaweed works well!

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Windows Phone overtakes Apple's market share ... in India

hplasm
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Windows

I love the smell-

of PR spin in the morning.

It smells like....desperation.

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IBM proffers $1bn for Linux development on Power

hplasm
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Linux

Re: Nice

Enough to see it as a threat?

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THE TRUTH about beaver arse milk in your cakes: There's nothing vanilla about vanilla

hplasm
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Happy

Re: @Robin: financially viable ?

It's not like real vanilla grows on trees...

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hplasm
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Coat

Beaver juice-

Not fishy?

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Microsoft relents: 'Go ahead, install Windows 8.1 on clean PCs'

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Generating a lot of "EH"

8H8 !

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hplasm
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Gimp

Why cut MS some slack?

Just give them enough rope.

And a gag for the fanbois.

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hplasm
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Re: Insane

Where do you want to go today? WRONG ANSWER!

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Microsoft puts something hard and sensitive in your pocket

hplasm
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Headmaster

Surely-

"Bring success to our company, this will not .."

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Bill Gates again world's richest, tops in US for 20th straight year

hplasm
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Happy

Re: If it makes you feel any better

What if you just hide it under the bed?

You would need to buy a ladder...

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London Underground cleaners to refuse fingerprint clock-on

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Irony.

'...staff felt "brutalised" by the system, which made them feel like "iPhone users"'

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Happy Friday the 13th! It's Programmers' Day

hplasm
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Joke

So-

Seeing as the most arsey Programmers refer to themselves as "Developers", dos that mean we can ignore them on this most auspicious day?

They can get their own "Developers' Day" if they want one!

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Apple's no-news Beijing event leaves it adrift in China

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Pay more for a plasticky inferior product?

So is my hovercraft. And my wombat has constipation.

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Startup claims 1W wireless charging at 10 metres

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Schmokin'

Farmer contested that his cattle became delicious.

FTFY...

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Swiss space plane to launch robotic orbital debris destroyer

hplasm
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Alien

Yes-

Things hide among it...

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Microsoft to unveil new Surface slabs at September 23 event

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Polish polish

It matches the two-position stand in the queue to buy them...

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Microsoft says axed certificates were FAILING its software biz

hplasm
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Meh

Re: I understand your point but........

A bit like that shitty "Extreme Makeover- Home edition" where 'Makeover' means Demolish and build a New One...

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Penguins, prepare to get SPACED OUT: Ubuntu 13.10's Mir has docked

hplasm
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Devil

Re: How much does it cost?

And when he gets to "Tutting Turtle" ?

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'Peeping while you're sleeping' NSA parody T-shirt ban BACKFIRES

hplasm
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Big Brother

As people say about "First World Problems"

"You couldn't get away with "X" in $Country..."

Well things like this show just how far down the road to becoming $Country things are getting.

A Fasciometer, if you like.

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Google chap reverse engineers Sinclair Scientific Calculator

hplasm
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Meh

Shutit-

Sir Sugar.

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Selfie twerks its way into the dictionary

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Twerking

Only if a Twunt is doing it.

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BALLMER TO RETIRE FROM MICROSOFT

hplasm
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Linux

Re: Anyone excited to see Balmer go

That's not my idea of a nightmare.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Donor Facing Position

He's the guy that slices the greasy spinning meat-log.

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hplasm
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Happy

Who's the replacement?

"Elop is, Elop is, Elop is."

Perhaps.

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Tat bazaar eBay takes a rest for 'scheduled maintenance', goes offline

hplasm
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Angel

Oh no-

it isn't!

We may need a Panto icon if this carries on...

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UK mulls ban on tiny mobiles to block prison smugglers

hplasm
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Coat

Re: crippling the signal

Bars on the windows?

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: And in other news...

Cakes are now being detained at Heathrow.

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Jolla's first Sailfish phone preorders 'fully booked'

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Nokia submarines

You forgot your icon...

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New use for old iPhones: Watch your house get robbed in REAL-TIME

hplasm
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Happy

Er-

If you want it to shout expletives, you could always just phone it up...

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Reg hack battles Margaret Thatcher's ghost to bring broadband to the Highlands

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Take care

That's what the Unregulated Hi-power mode is for.

Crank it up. point and *click*

bzzert!

/BOFH Mode

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Microsoft fights Google for kids' attention with ad-free Bing for Schools

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Patients needed I see.

They have a Start Button again?

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NSA admits slurping thousands of domestic emails with no terror connection

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: sooo...

At least 'Lessons' have not 'been learned'.

FFS.

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Bradley Manning sentenced to 35 years in prison

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Poor guy

But Spartacus- you were the main course...

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hplasm
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Thumb Down

Sacked from the Army

AND demoted- that's harsh.

Seriously- tough time, but it could have been much worse...

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iWatch rumours grow as Apple hires Nike fitness guru Jay Blahnik

hplasm
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Happy

I see your rat's ass-

And raise you a ferret's donkey.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Image problems

Convince a self-driving car to do it.

Google might lend you one...

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: @ Steve Davies 3 Expensive watch

You did remember to wind it up?

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Space-walker nearly OPENED HELMET to avoid DROWNING

hplasm
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Happy

“Better not to forget.”

"Keep helmet closed when outside."

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