* Posts by hplasm

2824 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

REVEALED: The 19 firms whose complaints form EU's antitrust case against Google

hplasm
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Meh

Microsoft-

Oozing desperation from every pore, every passing day.

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Celebrated Pakistani female online activist Sabeen Mahmud dies in shooting

hplasm
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Re: Religion - the source of all evil

"Really? What about The Quakers."

Changed their name from Earthquakers...

(Apologies to all affected by Nepal and surrounding areas.)

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Microsoft to offer special Surface 3 for schools

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Not shiny enough

"MS will have a hard time cutting it with this. Even with the 10% discount it doesn't approach shiny territory."

Pricewise it does.

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Microsoft: Profit DECIMATED because you people aren't buying PCs

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Death March

But at least their kit was good...

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What's broken in this week's Windows 10 build? Try the Start Menu, for one

hplasm
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Devil

Context is important...

They do not sound like "it's almost finished" type bugs!

Windows- it's almost finished. (For good). {Hopefully}

/flame on

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Fukushima nuke plant owner told to upgrade from Windows XP

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Please come visit Fukushima. Seriously.

Nature. If it goes wrong, it really goes wrong.

FTFY

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FBI alert: Get these motherf'king hackers off this motherf'king plane

hplasm
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Happy

Re: To be fair...

"Two rules to live by:"

What if there IS a virus on the network?

Or do you mean 'Don't say it 3 times' sort of thing?

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Re-light my diode: Trio of boffins scoop physics Nobel for BLUE LEDs

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Reducing Electricity Consumption???

"What about the bulb in your oven?"

I have a gas lamp in my oven...

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It's official: David Brents are the weakest link in phishing attacks

hplasm
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Angel

Re: Senior management super powers widely misunderstood

Jebus. What a boring way to live.

I'm not surprised they have to get paid so much.

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Yay, we're all European (Irish) now on Twitter (except Americans)

hplasm
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Re: You're damned either way

"Sorry children, the family trip to Disney World is indefinitely postponed …"

You say that like it's a bad thing. Have you seen the size of the mouse problem they have there?

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KABOOM! Billionaire fingers dud valve in ROCKET WIBBLE PRANG BLAST

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: Hey Elon

Put your computer in the bin The Internet rejects you.

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Digital killed the radio star: Norway names FM switchoff date

hplasm
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Unhappy

Oh noe

This will only encourage the DAB-pushing clowns over here.

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Microsoft absorbs open-source internal startup MS Open Technology

hplasm
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Boffin

Spawn...

"Microsoft has decided it can get into bed with open source technology without needing a chaperone."

Imagine the offspring...

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RADIOACTIVE WWII aircraft carrier FOUND OFF CALIFORNIA

hplasm
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"Where does the investigation go from here?"

Underwater?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: As Lady Bracknell never quite said...

Tell that to Tsutomu Yamaguchi...

Aha- as !Spartacus has noted above.

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hplasm
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Mushroom

"This aircraft carrier-

may contain substances known to the state of California to cause cancer..."

No need to worry about Fukashima juices drifting over then, really...

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You! GOOGLE! HAND OVER the special SAUCE, says Senate (of France)

hplasm
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Happy

"AND put links to three competitors on your homepage"

Why? Can't they just Google for them?

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What's that THUD sound? It's your Lumia's best feature after unflashing Windows 10

hplasm
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Devil

The Red* Brick of Death

* other fancy colours are available!

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NASA probe sent to faraway planet finds DWARF world instead: Pics

hplasm
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Happy

"...ground features on Pluto.."

"Your advert could be here!"

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Google’s plan for WORLD DOMINATION takes shape. And it begins with a patent

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: Clearly, we need a clone army, to counter the robot army

Tut tut.

"Clearly, the robot army to counter , a clone army we need.

Hmmm."

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WHAT did GOOGLE do SO WRONG to get a slapping from the EU?

hplasm
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Meh

Sometimes, just sometimes

The competition just isn't up to much.

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Android lands on Microsoft's money-machine island fortress

hplasm
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Devil

Excellent!

No more ATM BSOD.

Wait- I hear torches and pitchforks and drooling approaching!

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Easy ... easy ... Aw CRAP! SpaceX rocket ALMOST lands on ocean hoverbase

hplasm
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Happy

Re: - "Dang it!"

"But the third one stayed up! One day, Elon, all this will be yours"

"What? The curtains?"

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Which is it?

Next: Spacex deliver to the ISS a machine to make a substance almost entirely but not quite unlike tea... unrest is born and spreads throughout the galaxy.

Inhabitants warned "Not to Panic"...

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Radio 4 and Dr K on programming languages: Full of Java Kool-Aid

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Algol you fools!

"""""""""""""""""""""""Sane! """""""""""""""""""""""

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hplasm
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Happy

In C

About 5%... judging by his discography.

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What would have stopped TV5Monde hack? Yup, MOAR LAWS

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: So easy to protect, not

"Digital Commissioner" - on the BatTablet under the cake-dome?

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Rand Paul puts Hillary Clinton's hard drive on sale

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Email servers

" enormous databases of the ravings of lunatics."

Or political manifestos, as they are commonly known.

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Urine for a treat this Monday, ISS 'nauts: SpaceX to launch pee-powered coffee pot

hplasm
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Happy

Re: You do know that ...

Well personally, I only drink water specially imported from the Oort cloud.

In all fairness, I do try to only inhale oxygen that has passed through at least one historical figure.

I did a fart once that smelled of Hitler- it must have gone down the wrong way.

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Microsoft, Getty settle image snatch 'suit

hplasm
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Alien

Re: Eddor meets Ploor

True, true- but they had to meet up at one time...then it was game on.

The Delgonians did indeed know how to party though.

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hplasm
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Happy

Eddor meets Ploor

Treaties signed.

Hilarity ensures.

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Microsoft uses Windows Update to force Windows 10 ads onto older PCs

hplasm
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Happy

There may be-

trouble ahead...

la la la

Do sing along!

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ISIS: You bomb us, we’ll interrupt your TV transmissions

hplasm
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Coat

"Yves Bigot, "

"...the network director,.."

Ah- they are the target of the cyberclowns, right there...

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Instead of public sector non-jobbery, Martha, how about creating REAL entrepreneurs?

hplasm
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Meh

Re: @hplasm: Just remember, in the 1980s

"Thatcher did not crucify the British car industry."

No need to.

She did make sure that cross and nail manufacturing shares were available to all though. And then sold off the companies that made them.

Trebles all round!

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Just remember, in the 1980s

for a sneeze of time, the UK was regarded as the world leader in IT education. US policymakers would visit, and return back to Uncle Sam broken men.

Can't imagine what happened.

Thatcher.

FTFY

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Microsoft sounds 100-day DOOM KLAXON for Windows Server 2003

hplasm
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Meh

"As someone who's worked for schools with little money to spend on IT ..."

...(including one that could not afford textbooks one year)

Microsoft's licencing costs will do that.

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Astronomers battle plague of BLADE-WIELDING ROBOTS

hplasm
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Happy

Re: The simple solution

How about drones that are attracted to the beacons and crop-spray the area with Agent Orange ( Tartrazine Free, of course). All problems solved and an extra head for free.

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Boffins: Large Hadron Collider NOW movin', we're getting down and crush groovin'

hplasm
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Happy

Pffzt!

Pop. Bip.

Bzzert!

Tentacles everywhere.

Excellent!

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EU Commission looking for ways to DECLARE WAR on Google

hplasm
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Meh

To effectively 'compete' -

in search

with Google, all the rest need is a simple slogan:

"Don't be shit."

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hplasm
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Meh

The future...

Harrison Bergeron: (On Bing) "Google? What was that?"

Bing: Here is a picture of a camel, two bars of Hail to the Chief and an article about ants. Thank you for u-u-u-using Mi-mi-mi-crosoft Bing. Please insert Two Hundred Eurodollars. Bzzt!"

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SPY FRY: Smart meters EXPLODE in Californian power surge

hplasm
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Mushroom

Oooh Matron!

Me receptacles! They're all blackened!!

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Power, internet access knackered in London after exploding kit burps fire into capital's streets

hplasm
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Black Helicopters

"...there is still a strong aura of secrecy about these citadel sites,"

Battle beneath The Earth...

tell no-one.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: O2

Brain cells?

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Is this what Windows XP's death throes look like?

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Oh wow...

"Give me strenght."

And a decent spellchecker.

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Apple is like HITLER says Chinese billionaire

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Hitler is a bit extreme.

How about Mao, then?

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UN inflicts 10,000 flat pack IKEA shelters on Iraq - WITHOUT TOOLS

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Nice one IKEA

SHELTUUR

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Dino-boffins discover ancient, TOOTHY-CLAWED, four-eyed MONSTER LOBSTER

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Weird thought

I was hoping for something about 1 to 20m long...

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Building a better society from the Czechs' version of Meccano

hplasm
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Alert

"I still to this day want to know just what the hell they where medicated for?"

To prevent mould from the damp seats growing in the raw arse-scratches the crinkled shiny loo-paper would inflict...

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Microsoft and Oracle are 'not your trusted friends', public sector bods

hplasm
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Windows

Re: So give them the boot - use open source

"99.9% of trading floors with vast values at risk seem to not have any issues in using Excel...Do tell us more?"

So that's the cause of recessions pinned down then.

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: So, give them the boot - use open source.

Oh, it's you. Again.

"When will you lot realise Linux/OSS/LibreOffice is of very little interest to anyone other than a very special kind of person."

When will you and your whiny cohorts realise that MS 'products' are of no interest to anyone at all; like the shiny toilet paper of old- nobody wanted it, but it was foisted upon all. A few fetishists still buy it for the pain, but to everyone else it is an increasingly unnecessary pain in the arse.

So take your MS crapware and use it in the same way- there are alternatives now, and they are quilted.

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