* Posts by hplasm

3063 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

This is TRUE science: Harvard boffins fire up sizzling BACON LASER

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Everyone's been concentrating on the 'Fricking Sharks'...

Is the pigs they should have beenwatching.

Now we'll need to nuke them from catapults, with mutant Birds, that are artificially stimulated to Angryness...

0
0

UK.gov wants to stop teenage boys looking at tits online. No, really

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: I wish politicians would learn...

"Think I'll go smoke some more crack now."

Go and ask foir some at 10 Downing St- I think they have loads.

1
0

'Fix these Windows 10 Horrors': Readers turn their guns on Redmond

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Welcome to the World of Windows 10-

a world of "endless, pointless knobbing around..."

5
1

Bloke cuffed for blasting low-flying drone with shotgun

hplasm
Silver badge
Go

Re: It's time

Begun, these Drone Wars have...

15
0

Windows 10: A SYSADMIN speaks his brains – and says MEH

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Cortana-

"Microsoft's creepy doll."

Excellent.

60
0

Windows 10: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE to Microsoft's long apology for Windows 8

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: All your kids are belong to us

" Every single teenager in the (XBOX) world..."

FTFY

1
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: I'm disgusted!

Seems a lot of bother.

Why not just wait, and hate it for what it is?

3
3
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Anyone know 100% that it's not a one way trip to windows 10???

As in '"Express elevator to Hell- going down!" ?

5
5

Windows 10 in head-on crash with Nvidia drivers as world watches launch

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

"The pain will pass."

Are you suggesting Win 10 as a suppository?

5
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Joke

"There is a tool released by Microsoft..."

Come on- you can't pin this one on Ballmer!

17
0

Desperate Microsoft PAYS Win Server 2003 laggards to jump ship

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Loss leader...

As practiced by supermarkets and drug dealers worldwide

17
2

Email apparently from Home Office warns of emails apparently from Home Office

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Aiiee!

Beat me to it!

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Alert

Aiiee!

Recursive spam!

Spam spam spam spam, etc.

3
0

Hole in (Number) Two: MYSTERY golf-course pooper strikes again

hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: "an application to put up surveillance cameras has been denied."

You say that like it is a bad thing, Jake.

13
0

BONK! BONK! Windows 10 whack-a-mole – Microsoft still fixing bugs

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Bring it- bugs and all...

It's all grist to the The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

From the FructiferousBugwriter Beast of Redmond!

4
1

Unhinged Linux backdoor still poses a nuisance, if not a threat

hplasm
Silver badge
FAIL

This-

is demeaning to Igors (Ygors too).

4
0

YOU! DEGRASSE! It's time to make Pluto a proper planet again, says NASA boffin

hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

Re: It's no big deal

Well, to shut up the debate, we could agree that the 'dwarf' bit is silent, and just call Pluto a ... planet.

Or we could invoke Stallman and call it GNU/Pluto - that would certainly lead to it being called a planet by most people, just like now.

After all, to paraphrase a wise elephant- "A planet's a planet, no matter how small..."

3
1

NASA: 'Closest thing yet to ANOTHER EARTH' - FOUND

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Welcome to Majipoor.

"My god- It's full of jugglers!"

2
0

Microsoft delivers Exchange 2016 Preview

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Share point

"Often people get sharepoint out of the box and install it in a single server....yada yada yada..."

So it needs immense resources to even just work- why not stick it in The Cloud where we can all ignore it and get on with some work?

3
5

HP slaps dress code on R&D geeks: Bin that T-shirt, put on this tie

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Suits are for 'The Accused'

...or those who should probably appear in the dock at some point.

7
0

Windows 10 on Mobile under the scope: Flaws, confusion, and going nowhere fast

hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: What should Microsoft's enterprise clients do now?

what to do if you want to make life hell for all your employees...

Lock them into MS 'products'.

3
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

"Windows Mobile 10 is already well polished"

You mean 'well rolled in glitter.'

1
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Or perhaps-

unfinished mobile OS is Finished?

5
3

NASA briefing in HOURS: 'We are upon the CUSP of finding ANOTHER EARTH'

hplasm
Silver badge
Alien

Well-

It's bigger than, older than and 1000 lightyears away from Earth... so not quite what was speculated above.

http://www.nasa.gov/press-release/nasa-kepler-mission-discovers-bigger-older-cousin-to-earth

0
0

Arctic ice EMBIGGENS, returns to 1980s levels of cap cover

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Good News

Don't forget to take the wrapper off first...

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Good news for Polar Bears

The ice is MOLTEN!!! eleventy-one!

Dooooooomed, we are all!

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: No

"Germany?"

Belgium!

1
0

German police ARREST SQUIRREL for stalking woman

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Releasing Grey Squirrels

"...whack it in the head with a priest."

Naw- give the squirrel and the priest an axe, and let them fight it out!

2
0

Your gadget batteries endanger planes, says Boeing

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Fuck this...

And the only time planes are in the news is when they are in bits/on fire/missing.

Horses for courses? (They can carry batteries safely, so that's a possibility...)

4
0

WHOA! Windows 10 to be sold on USB drives – what a time to be alive

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Excellent marketing opportunity!

Not just a dvd in a cereal box, but now it can be a usb stick in a Kinder egg *

*Not available in US...

11
1

Google robo-car in rear-end smash – but cack-handed human blamed

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: What do the statistics tell us?

"What is different about the behaviour of these vehicles which contradicts the following drivers' expectations?"

They unexpectedly follow the rules of the road?

47
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: "and they never get tired, irritable or distracted".

Let's hope they never run Windows, then.

7
3

Microsoft to Windows 10 consumers: You'll get updates LIKE IT or NOT

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: It's so easy

"All of my MS installed computers have one thing in common, they haven't a clue what a Lan cable is or the first idea of how to get on the internet."

Sounds like a trip down memory lane- Trumpet Winsock anyone?

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: THE SKY IS FALLING!

"And the answer is because you don't actually do anything productive with play games on a computer."

FTFY

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: THE SKY IS FALLING!

"...fucktards like hplasm to flick one off over."

And here we see the wit of the windows supporter.

Sad, knowing his toys are becoming obsolete.

Fanboi, thy name is Dogged. (The anti-Eadon)

7
2
hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: THE SKY IS FALLING!

"... the amount of weapons-grade numpties in the comments..."

Don't be harsh- someone has to defend Windows.

27
5
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Seems reasonable

"IT illiterate children...where are they?..."

In schools only teaching from the MS bible.

9
5

TalkTalk deactivates hundreds of email accounts after legacy spam scare

hplasm
Silver badge
Joke

Well...

They are called Talk Talk, not Mail Mail...

4
0

Happy NukeDay to you! 70 years in the shadow of the bomb post-Trinity

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Whatever happenned to the good old says?

"At Los Alamos no one discriminated on the ground of where you came from, or if you were a Christian or a non-believer," Brownlee explained. "The only thing they discriminated against was to be dumb – and it was a top priority to show you weren't."

If only some things stayed the same- where would we be now?

14
0

Feel like you're being herded onto Windows 10? Well, you should

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

"Architecturally there's not any major changes since Vista, so why not?"

Ah, the self-answering question!

12
2

Run Windows 10 on your existing PC you say, Microsoft? Hmmm.

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Ha

"How are the screen drivers for Linux? Drivers for obscure peripherals?"

Better than the MS non-provided ones, I'll wager.

32
11

Microsoft nixes A-V updates for XP, exposes 180 MEEELLION luddites

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: "We strongly recommend that you complete your migration to a supported operating system"

"Not sure why "Apple or Linux" provoke the frown - I regularly use both and find both to be very good."

They're not blackmailware. People who have paid the protection money already are bitter.

7
3

HP won't ship PCs with Windows 10 preinstalled until mid-August

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Fragmented

"Don't forget the gamers."

Don't worry, they'll remind us themselves.

0
0

Microsoft's Surface Hub mega-slab DELAYED 'cause you demanded it

hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: They're mad

"All I know is, the board are impressed by the level of after-sales service."

'The Board' are probably impressed by shiny powerpoints.

Nobody gives a fuck, how many fucks you give.

Just keep on buying the bloatware.

2
3
hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

Re: They're mad

Lenovo and Dell probably throw away more laptops for quality control failures than there are Surface customers, or ever will be.

Probably not what you wanted to hear.

1
7
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: They're mad

"I didn't even get started on after sales and service."

Neither do MS.

10
5

Sixty-five THOUSAND Range Rovers recalled over DOOR software glitch

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Door software...

See icon.

1
0

On yer bike: Hammerhead satnav for cyclists – just don't look down

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Idea!

"I'd love to have one of these hammerhead gadgets for my motorcycle..."

Drop them a line- it sounds like a good idea for v1.1

3
0

Microsoft starts switching on paid Wi-Fi service with latest Windows 10 preview

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Feaping Creaturitus

"I installed Win10 on a touchscreen AIO once, it was deeply unstable with a development environment on it, I rolled back to Win8.1."

I rest my case.

Win 10 definitely must be much worse than everyone is saying...

1
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Feaping Creaturitus

"Wrongly pointing out shitness in a thing that's not what you like..."

Ah- so you admit the shitness? Even your Fanboiness is slipping. Win 10 must be much worse than everyone is saying...

2
5

Forums