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* Posts by hplasm

2600 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

DEATH by PowerPoint: Microsoft warns of 0-day attack hidden in slides

hplasm
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Meh

Ha!

All Powerpoint docs should be treated as somewhat malicious...

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Trips to Mars may be OFF: The SUN has changed in a way we've NEVER SEEN

hplasm
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Devil

Space!

it's a seething radioactive hell - you can't take nuclear power out there and pollute it!

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MARS NEEDS WOMEN, claims NASA pseudo 'naut: They eat less

hplasm
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Happy

Re: It definitely makes sense

"breed some squid...They are smaller than us..."

Jesus- how big are you?

q.v...Architeuthis....

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ISPs handbagged: BLOCK knock-off sites, rules beak

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Blocking the Pirate Bay Worked So Well...

"Who advises the idiots in charge, more idiots?"

Yes.

It seems that it is idiots all the way down.

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Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: That had me worried

"...a fleet of small drone aircraft moving closer and then tightening nuts and lubing aileron actuators, as they flew along."

Now that would be cool!

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Doctor Who and the Dalek: 10-year-old tests BBC programming game

hplasm
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Devil

Re: hold on...

"... or why crayons couldn't be used to design something that changes the world."

You always manage to get Windows Metro in somehow...

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STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants

hplasm
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Happy

In other news-

Sheep eat grass.

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Microsoft pulls another dodgy patch

hplasm
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Devil

Tuesday

Is dustbin day...

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French 'terror law' declares WAR on the INTERNET itself, say digi-rights folks

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: Who defines terrorist ?

"Actually there is a very clear and well defined line."

Thanks for that. Now will someone please inform these fuckers in charge? Ta.

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hplasm
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Happy

In other words-

France declares war on Internet for not being all in French.

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It's even GRIMMER up North after MEGA SKY BROADBAND OUTAGE

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Manchester is not northen

You do know what they say about Edinburghers in Aberdeen, don't you?

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hplasm
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Flame

Re: Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

"Nope, no British cakes are subject to laws restricting where they can be made."

It's an outrage, I tell you! What good is the EU then?

/rant

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hplasm
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Meh

North?

Meh- Mostly Cheshire. Southern softies, hardly grim at all.

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Martha Lane Fox: YEUCH! The Internet is MADE by MEN?!?

hplasm
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Facepalm

Words fail me...

Wait- AAAARG!!

That's better...

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Sway: Microsoft's new Office app doesn't have an Undo function

hplasm
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Windows

Re: continuing the trend

But if you use "Windows" they sic the DMCA on you.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/10/15/microsoft_dmca_innocents_hit/

So Winblows, Microsucks etc seem to be legitimate alternatives...

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hplasm
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Stop

Sway.

What you do when pissed.

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Bono apologises for iTunes album dump

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Have to laugh

"What's a lepricorn?"

One of the new Astrological signs for left handed people.

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ONE MILLION people already running Windows 10

hplasm
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Devil

Or a side door?

“Insiders” have delivered “over 200,000” pieces of feedback.

A lot of keystrokes, there.

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Return of the Jedi – Apache reclaims web server crown

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Active Sites versus All Sites

"Microsoft have over a third of reported on web sites on the planet running IIS."

Just what is the colour of the sky on your planet, anyway? Most of the IIS servers that aren't just linkfarms are probably needed to host the 'help' files for the atrocious ribbon based Windows applications.

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I've got a new Linux box, how does it work... WOAH, only asking :-/

hplasm
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Coat

Or is it -

A GNU Herd thing?

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Microsoft confirms Surface NOT DEAD YET, next-gen version coming

hplasm
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Devil

Re: We've all been there

MS can't stop producing the Surface because of the 'tiles' concept.

Ballmer needs enough units to tile the roof of his stadium.

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Hey, non-US websites – FBI don't have to show you any stinkin' warrant

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Team America!

We are at war with the USA government. We have always been at war with the USA government.

Nice of them to finally tell us.

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HOT BABES! Worried you won't get that JOB in IT? MENTION how hot you are

hplasm
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Mushroom

Rather-

"I know that always working 16 hours a day without receiving overtime pay has taken its toll on my looks, but... if that's what is on offer, you can stick your job up your bum. I don't work for nothing. I'm an engineer, not an idiot."

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Linux systemd dev says open source is 'SICK', kernel community 'awful'

hplasm
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FAIL

Yeah-

Funny how you never see them both together...

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Microsoft on the Threshold of a new name for Windows next week

hplasm
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Windows

Re: They should play to their real strengths...

and call it Microsoft Zero.

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Man's future in space ... Barack Obama: Mars. Narendra Modi: Mars. Vladimir Putin: Er, Moon

hplasm
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Happy

Re: speaking as a member of the cow-herd fraternity

And the lunar jumping over...

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Patch Bash NOW: 'Shellshock' bug blasts OS X, Linux systems wide open

hplasm
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Meh

Can you hear that sound?

It's Windroids salivating and Fisher-Price Programmers rushing to comment.

Will they get here before the exploit is patched...

Probably not.

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TOR users become FBI's No.1 hacking target after legal power grab

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: And here we go again...

I suggest TOR honeypots filled with Stuxnet derivatives.

Let the FBI eat cake.

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It's a pain in the ASCII, so what can be done to make patching easier?

hplasm
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Linux

Windows.

Still not ready for the desktop.

Discuss.

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IT jargon is absolutely REAMED with sexual double-entendres

hplasm
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Happy

Re: ok then

IIRC there was once a ceratin type of high speed line printer that did tend to catch fire in the event of a paper jam.

Also, 8008 an early microprcessor, fnar fnar. ( only funny on a 7 segment display)

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Warrantless phone snooping HAPPENS ALL THE TIME in Blighty

hplasm
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Big Brother

s there no end to this?

What can we do, apart to refuse to be part of it.

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DNS cockup locks Virgin Media customers out of ntlworld.com email

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: dig ntlworld.com mx

" the Virgin problem is managerial rather than technical."

Sounds like another round of Technical Redundancies.

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Pedals and wheel in that Google robo-car or it's off the road – Cali DMV

hplasm
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Windows

Re: From the archives, 1999

As if anyone would run an autonmous car on windows,nevermind Google.

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SpaceX prototype rocket EXPLODES over Texas. 'Tricky' biz, says Elon Musk

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Just one question

Rockets are tall?

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Claim: Microsoft Alt-F4'd Chilean government open-source install bid

hplasm
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Gimp

Re:fanboys. We should strangle them all and improve the species.

Er, that's you dead then.

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Stand clear! Will HTC's One act as a defibrillator for Windows Phone?

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Great looking phone...

Thanks for using thw not used by command term 'metro ux.'

Really adds weight and credibility to your opinion...

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Hello, police, El Reg here. Are we a bunch of terrorists now?

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Collective Delusion.

Bald is a bona fide hair colour, too.

Oh wait...

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Intel's Raspberry Pi rival Galileo can now run Windows

hplasm
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Angel

Re: Its no Rasberry Pi

Chalk and Cheese.

One is a fully fledged computer with myriad uses and millions (?) of users.

The other is a Windows SBC...

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Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

hplasm
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Go

Re: Easy pezee

Thanks- here is your £143,000 retainer fee.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re:same major incident plan

..."- they would put in place the same major incident plan that they use for natural disasters, terrorism or civil unrest."

Hide until the peasants are all dead.

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Microsoft: Azure isn't ready for biz-critical apps … yet

hplasm
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Gimp

Hmmm...

85% of the City of London runs on claret.

As for what GCHQ runs on- who's bullshitting now?

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Microsoft Azure goes TITSUP (Total Inability To Support Usual Performance)

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Total Inability To Support Usual Performance (TITSUP)

Absolutely! Best Heading and Acronym Evar!

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hplasm
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Windows

Re: 512K Day?

640k is enough day for anyone!

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hplasm
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Devil

Well-

That's what happens when you run a cloud on millions of Surfaces...

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TV transport tech, part 1: From server to sofa at the touch of a button

hplasm
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Joke

Re: Very interesting

Openreach? Twinned with Mos Eisley (q.v.)

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Germany 'accidentally' snooped on John Kerry and Hillary Clinton

hplasm
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Unhappy

Without coffee?

But...it's Turkish coffee!!

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Take the shame: Microsofties ADMIT to playing Internet Explorer name-change game

hplasm
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Happy

Re: How about

AIEEEEEEEEE!

Just like using it.

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Top Gun display for your CAR: Heads-up fighter pilot tech

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Why?

"Why does this need to connect with the car systems?...The basic idea of a HUD is good, just cut out all the other crap."

This my HUD...

Oo- cool! What does it display?

Er, nothing...

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Rupert Murdoch says Google is worse than the NSA

hplasm
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Mushroom

Anyone can play!

Murdoch is worse than ebola.

See- easy.

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What happens in Europe, doesn't stay in Europe: US giants accused of breaking EU privacy pact

hplasm
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Coat

AOL, Adobe, Salesforce, Datalogix, Marketo, BlueKai, Criteo, Merkle and others

Are Merkle spying on Merkel?

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