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* Posts by hplasm

2637 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Bond villains lament as Wicked Lasers withdraw death ray

hplasm
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Coat

Re: 5 mW?

He no drunk, he Il.

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Let's vote on breaking up Google, say MEPs with NO power to do any such thing

hplasm
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Megaphone

How about-

Let's vote on breaking up the EU gravy train?

(NOT a Kipper)

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'Snoopers' Charter IS DEAD', Lib Dems claim as party waves through IP address-matching

hplasm
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Childcatcher

Re: Blind leading the blind

"Never mind that she also appears to be the daughter of Wurzel Gummidge."

Ms May IS Emperor Palpatine. The photo in the article proves it.

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I need a password to BRAKE? What? No! STOP! Aaaargh!

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: If you want real brand-name-association,

Achtung!

Untrained

Driver

Inside

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Windows Phone will snatch biz No 2 spot from Android – analyst

hplasm
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Meh

I can smell something...

Has somebody opened a cow?

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Roll up, roll up, Microsoft's rolled up dozens of OS fixes

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Microsoft's just released its November rollup

"odd...I got it a few days ago."

That's due to a bug...

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FORGET the CLIMATE: FATTIES are a MUCH BIGGER problem - study

hplasm
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Happy

Re: NBA - National Butty Association

"...but ye cannae tak' our fried goods!"

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Webcam hacker pervs in MASS HOME INVASION

hplasm
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Happy

"4. The cupboard under the stairs."

Why- Are you keeping a young wizard in there?

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Hackers seize Detroit's database, demand $800k. Motor City shrugs: OK, take it

hplasm
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Joke

Re: Anyone seen "Burn After Reading" ?

Burn after Reading - label on festival tents.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

FTA...

"...the state's Cyber Civilian Corp (IT experts trained in security incident response) would be expanded to a dozen teams..."

From no teams, at present.

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CERN's 2014 Xmas gift from the Large Hadron Collider: Two new baryons

hplasm
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Happy

Re: What do they do?

You mean, of course- can they power a flying car?

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London police chief: City bankers, prepare for a terrorist cyber attack. Again

hplasm
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Coat

Simple-

Dont use ISIS- move to OSPF or EIGRP...

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Microsoft: Your Linux Docker containers are now OURS to command

hplasm
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Meh

Coming soon-

How to control your multi-colour newspaper printing plant with a Petite typewriter.

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MYSTERY Russian satellite: ORBITAL WEAPON? Sat GOBBLER? What?

hplasm
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Alert

Re: Not a new idea...

...just waiting for Sandra Bullock...

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European Commission decides it won't have a science advisor after Greenpeace pressure

hplasm
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Facepalm

Not to worry-

Her post will be replaced with Multi-faith Spiritual Advisor.

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Sky: We're no longer calling ourselves British. Yep. And Broadcasting can do one, too

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Does this mean

"So, you dont use Windows, MS office or anything MS created legally then...."

or At All.

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Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title

hplasm
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Bureaucrats And How To Annoy Them-

By R.T.Fishall

(Actually by Patrick Moore OBE, RIP)

A sterling work.

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WATCH: Rosetta astroboffin TATTOOED with PHILAE from the FUTURE!

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Your article is in bad taste, Jasper

Not so much bad taste- but it does make you sound like you have a Brylcreemed side parting...

Hehehe...

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'Tech giants who encrypt comms are unwittingly aiding terrorists', claims ex-Home Sec Blunkett

hplasm
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FAIL

Braille is encryption

Perhaps he would like to start there?

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: SPOTTED THE DELIBERATE MISTAKE

9/11 or 11/9- let us not forget the terrible day.

Manchester dogs home was torched.

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Elon Musk and ex-Google man mull flinging 700 internet satellites into orbit

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Not a lard arse

Hmm. Hundreds of satellites, or parts of some sort of metallic suits...?

(No, not bloody cybermen Mk 2...)

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Doctor Who trashing the TARDIS, Clara alone, useless UNIT – Death in Heaven

hplasm
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Meh

Re: The Doctor, poised to kill the Master.

But!- at least The Doctor now is free of the mawkish Doctor Cult that was starting to weigh him down about 'Am I good or not?'; thanks David Tennant for keeping that one one going...

Also- bloody Rose Tyler didn't stick her nose in at the last minute.

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Lindsay Lohan ignores El Reg's tender twitterly advances

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Really?

"When you think of another way, let us know.2

how about ----- >

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3D PRINTED GUNS: THIS time it's for REAL! Oh, wait – no, still crap

hplasm
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WTF?

Has WiRED

Had their coffee supply cut off recently, or have they just started spouting weird crap?

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Russians hear Tim Cook is gay, pull dead Steve Jobs' enormous erection

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: Something lost in the translation?

@Abacus-

I can see why you're worried about sodomy.

You're an arsehole.

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Hold onto your hats and follow the BYOD generation

hplasm
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WTF?

You want me-

-to bring in my own kit, to use for work. And you want to pay me less...?

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New GCHQ spymaster: US tech giants are 'command and control networks for TERROR'

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Surveil?!?

How about Stalk.

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European SPACEMAN exposes EERIE snaps of ISS in Twitter feed

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Up-side-down

"...map of earth with north at the top is a man-man view of the world ..."

But if North isn't at the top, the writing is upside-down...

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Cockneys don't stick to either...

Teflon or...?

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Microsoft: How to run Internet Explorer 11 on ANDROID, iOS, OS X

hplasm
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Devil

"you can expect RemoteIE to hang or crash randomly."

Wow. It is an accurate test-bed then?

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BOFH: Stop your tiers – when it comes to storage, LESS is MORE

hplasm
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FTFY-

"Simon is my hero. He says and does all of the things we wish we could say and do."

-more than just once...

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Virgin's SpaceShipTwo crashes in Mojave Desert during test flight

hplasm
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Unhappy

A sad day.

Following on from the loss of Antares, the very sad loss of a test pilot for Virgin.

My thoughts are with his family, the survivor and his kin, and with Mr Branson, and his staff who I know will feel this deeply.

Honour goes to those who put themselves forward to see what lies over the horizon.

The list of the brave has sadly gained another name on the Wall of remembrance.

Ad astra per ardua.

No-one ever said it would be easy. Sometimes it can be very hard indeed.

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Facebook OCP crowd to ogle MICROSOFT'S server-room SECRETS

hplasm
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Meh

Re: I'll save you some time...

True...yes, you may well be...neither would I.

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Apple to PROTECT YOU from dreaded TROUSER EXPLOSIONS

hplasm
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Flame

So-

Flame retardant polyester slacks?

Aieee!

/ Fire

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Happy 2nd birthday, Windows 8 and Surface: Anatomy of a disaster

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory...

"Last time I tried Linux and attempted to install Firefox..."

Meanwhile, in the 21st Century...

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Nokia STORMS back into profit, FREE from phones and Windows

hplasm
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Sounds familiar-

Sindbad ditches Old Man of the Sea, escapes to a Prosperous Future Life.

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In the next four weeks, 100 people will decide the future of the web

hplasm
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Meh

Re: a thought

"It is because a large segment of the population isn't Christian."

But neither are they related to Pilgrims...

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DEATH by PowerPoint: Microsoft warns of 0-day attack hidden in slides

hplasm
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Meh

Ha!

All Powerpoint docs should be treated as somewhat malicious...

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Trips to Mars may be OFF: The SUN has changed in a way we've NEVER SEEN

hplasm
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Devil

Space!

it's a seething radioactive hell - you can't take nuclear power out there and pollute it!

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MARS NEEDS WOMEN, claims NASA pseudo 'naut: They eat less

hplasm
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Happy

Re: It definitely makes sense

"breed some squid...They are smaller than us..."

Jesus- how big are you?

q.v...Architeuthis....

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ISPs handbagged: BLOCK knock-off sites, rules beak

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Blocking the Pirate Bay Worked So Well...

"Who advises the idiots in charge, more idiots?"

Yes.

It seems that it is idiots all the way down.

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Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know

hplasm
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Re: That had me worried

"...a fleet of small drone aircraft moving closer and then tightening nuts and lubing aileron actuators, as they flew along."

Now that would be cool!

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Doctor Who and the Dalek: 10-year-old tests BBC programming game

hplasm
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Devil

Re: hold on...

"... or why crayons couldn't be used to design something that changes the world."

You always manage to get Windows Metro in somehow...

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STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants

hplasm
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Happy

In other news-

Sheep eat grass.

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Microsoft pulls another dodgy patch

hplasm
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Devil

Tuesday

Is dustbin day...

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French 'terror law' declares WAR on the INTERNET itself, say digi-rights folks

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: Who defines terrorist ?

"Actually there is a very clear and well defined line."

Thanks for that. Now will someone please inform these fuckers in charge? Ta.

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hplasm
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Happy

In other words-

France declares war on Internet for not being all in French.

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It's even GRIMMER up North after MEGA SKY BROADBAND OUTAGE

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Manchester is not northen

You do know what they say about Edinburghers in Aberdeen, don't you?

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hplasm
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Flame

Re: Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

"Nope, no British cakes are subject to laws restricting where they can be made."

It's an outrage, I tell you! What good is the EU then?

/rant

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hplasm
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Meh

North?

Meh- Mostly Cheshire. Southern softies, hardly grim at all.

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