* Posts by hplasm

4033 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Microsoft warns Windows security fix may break network shares

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Hiding things for "security reasons" is called security by obscurity

Windows gets slagged off for failing open. Looks like they're changing this to fail.

FTFY.

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UK will buy 138 F-35s

hplasm
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Alert

Well then.

Expect the UK to be successfully invaded by Dastardly and Muttley & Co when these are in place.

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Sage advice: Avoid the Windows 10 Anniversary Update – it knackers our accounting app

hplasm
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Meh

Re: "operating system updates end up disabling the framework"

"Windows is not some play platform..."

Citation needed.

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Microsoft preps defence against the dark arts for enterprise customers

hplasm
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Childcatcher

Microsoft preps defence against the dark arts...

I've seen this before...

Look under the turban.

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The wait is over: MoD releases latest issue of Ship Paint Monthly

hplasm
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Happy

Dezincification

But I'm 40% zinc!!

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UK.gov is doing sod all to break £20bn of locked-in IT contracts

hplasm
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Devil

Re: UK.gov is doing sod all

Not completely- remember every pocket has a silver lining...

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Elon Musk: I'm gonna turn Mars into a $10bn death-dealing interplanetary gas station

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: Has to be said

"Great show of American design talent and persistence right there."

Lack of super profitability, also, sadly.

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hplasm
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FAIL

Re: Musk seems to be losing it

"Let me guess, Brexiteer?"

Seems more like a Remainer- as in "Don't leave the cave!"

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Official: Windows 10 has hit the 400 million device mark

hplasm
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Gimp

"...I do use Microsoft applications to make a living."

So you perpetuate the misery for millions. Well done you.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

"...W10, its far superior to 7."

No Dougal. The WinX pile of shit is bigger than Win 7, but Win 7 is far away. Bigger, far away...

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hplasm
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Holmes

How many

reversions in those 400 Million?

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Ordinary punters will get squat from smart meters, reckons report

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Wrong location for smart meters

You get your power via poles?

Our supplier is french...

(Capitals removed for comedic continuity)

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

" Competition makes them consumer savings."

Hahaha! Welcome to Earth. You must be new here.

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Oh Snap! How intelligent people make themselves stupid for Snapchat

hplasm
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Happy

Snap!

It's the new *Bollocks*.

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Narcissist Heidi Powell wants her dot-com and she wants it now, now, NOW!

hplasm
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Devil

Re: "do you know who I am?"

No, do you know who I am?

"Of course not!"

Good. (Hangs up).

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Ohhhhh

No, not that one- she's married to Colon.

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Swiss vote for spy powers

hplasm
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Holmes

Switzerland.

Becoming oddly adverse to strangers...

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Fax machines' custom Linux allows dial-up hack

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Malicious firmware exploit

"In what form is the malicious firmware delivered to the victim."

It's a malicious source code listing fax. Available on tape* or Hollerith punch cards...

*punched paper and magnetic, yes.

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Microsoft inserts 'new kind of computer ... into our cloud' for speedier Azure services

hplasm
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Devil

The benefit though is huge speed-up for certain specialist tasks.

Deep Packet Inspection?

Targeted Advertising?

Something to hack at when Azure is down...again?

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Smelly toilets, smokers and the Kardashians. Virgin Media staff grill top brass

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: VM/LibGlob

"Check out the TP."

Word.

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Plusnet outage leaves customers unable to stream Netflix. Horrors!

hplasm
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Re: They are communicating fine...

"Plusnet = shambles."

Plusnet= BT in a hat.

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I want to remotely disable Londoners' cars, says Met's top cop

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Helicopter & Electromagnet

"One word: UNDERPASSES."

Don't you mean UNDERPANTS? Like the ones he* has on his head, with the pencils up his nose? Wibble!

* Metropolitan Police commissioner Sir Bernard Barking-and--Howe

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Cops blasted for relying on IP addresses to hunt down suspects

hplasm
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Holmes

Dear Fuzz- here's how it goes.

1. Get a clue *

2.Get evidence

3.get a warrant.

* yes, in both senses of the word.

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Pretending to be a badger wins Oxford Don 10 TRILLION DOLLARS

hplasm
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Coat

Re: From Junior to Senior Pinocchio

Q: How do you know a politician is lying?

A: He's Tony Blair.

Thanks, all week, veal etc.

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Korean cargo line bailout saves Christmas for tech companies

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Aha-

So the stranded student(s) on board can also go home?

https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2016/sep/14/artist-stranded-container-ship-rebecca-moss-hanjin

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BT Openreach boss wants you to know that deep down, they care

hplasm
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Devil

Re: and in other news

Opencrotch- for obvious reasons once you have dealt with them via BT central...

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Windows Server 2016: Leg up or lock in?

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: There are other servers?

Does anyone sane run windows Server?

0/10 must troll harder...

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Windows 10 backlash: Which? demands compo for forced upgrades

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: Am I been too technical, in saying the 3P&3Bs: prepare, prepare, prepare + backup,backup,backup.

"The Grammer Police are out in full today."

Grammar. You knew this was coming, didn't you?

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My God, I've got nothing on! Microsoft's $200m Wunderlist is down

hplasm
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Coat

Newsflash!

13 million people don't know what to do!

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Just use Google Keep.

"...info about one and one's conversations etc on it."

Is that the Posh Rastafarian Facebook page?

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hplasm
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FAIL

Quotation without content...

“Commitment to delivering market leading mobile apps across the platforms and devices our customers use..."

Delivering them to where? /dev/null?

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Microsoft deletes Windows 10 nagware from Windows 7 and 8

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: so difficult in fact that Debian have been doing it

"I think..."

Ah- MS also fail hard on servers; you were saying...

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: how badly they fuck up something so simple

"... robustly updating ..."

HAHAHAHAHA!!

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MI6 to hire another 1,000 bods 'cos of private surveillance tech

hplasm
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Happy

re: Why not get everyone to wear burkas?

How about Guy Fawkes masks...?

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: Dangerous work

"The people we face today would kill us as soon as look at us."

What, at work? That's harsh!

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Lenovo denies claims it plotted with Microsoft to block Linux installs

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Microsoft will be paying vendors to deploy their malware os Windows 10....

And do we give one about what Microsoft think?

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We live in a world where a 'Hamdog' burger hybrid is patented

hplasm
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Coat

Can't spell?

Tip:

Don't eat the Bogburger.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Quick...

Poke a hole in the burger and push the hotdog into it.

The Blackholedogger.

Bun may need to be 4 Dimensional...

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hplasm
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Holmes

Hamdogs-

10000000% * better patent than any software patent.

* I know, I know...

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Lethal 4-hour-erection-causing spiders spill out of bunch of ASDA bananas

hplasm
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Happy

Re: What A Way To Go....

"That would be pronounced "My-co--za-flow--pin"."

You you really think so? Here?

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Wow, RIP hackers ... It's Cyber-Lord Blunkett to the rescue for UK big biz

hplasm
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Coat

Cyber Force!

It's like the Blin... oh never mind...

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Are you sure you want to outsource IT? Yes/No. Check this box to accept Ts&Cs

hplasm
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Happy

Re: The Cloud...

"They all float up here..." q.v. Clown Computing... "Other peoples computers you have no control over... Hahahaha! "

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Greybeards beware: Hair dye for blokes outfit Just For Men served trojan

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Fancy that!

Just for Men has a website.

But why... "Hey! Guess what? I'm secretly grey!" ?? I can't see it being popular.

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Microsoft sues Wisconsin man (again) for copyright infringement (again)

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Maybe he can...

Ah, but RedHat is turning into Windows Lite*, so that would be different.

(* You know I was going to say SystemD** here, so I won't bother...)

** Or whatever. Pile of shit.by any other name...

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Will US border officials demand social network handles from visitors?

hplasm
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Facepalm

Stupid questions...

Answered by stupid people.

What will they do if you don't have or use SM? Not let you in?

'Don't go' would be the answer- but see above...

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Margaret Hodge's book outlines 'mind boggling' UK public sector waste

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Sheep shall safely graze

Maybe, but if a company screws up too many times it gets more Government procurement contacts.

FTFY...

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Target lost, Cruz missile misses: Ted's ICANN crusade is basically over

hplasm
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Pint

Re: The Bill, and Ted's excellent adventure

Excellent!

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CSC straps another 100 jobs to redundo cannon, lights fuse, walks off

hplasm
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Go

Re: “over-capacity” in the sales force and within the “delivery organisations”

Sounds like time for all to jump ship!

Remember how Bugs Bunny used to step out of the falling elevator just as it hit the ground? Just like that...

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Fanbois iVaporate: Smallest Apple iPhone queues ever

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Hmm

Have an Internet! COTW!

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National Cyber Security Centre to shift UK to 'active' defence

hplasm
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WTF?

Active Defence?

DDos the class A address space, proactively...

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