* Posts by hplasm

3459 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Boffins show Ed Vaizey what superfast means: 50,000x faster than UK broadband

hplasm
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Stop

"...the average speed of a UK broadband connection of 24 megabits per second (Mb/s)"

Hahahahahaha!!

Funny! Tell us another one!

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Heart Internet in 22-hour TITSUP after data centre power stuffup

hplasm
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Sites seem to be back up-

But a bit sloooooow...

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Putin's internet guru says 'nyet' to Windows, 'da' to desktop Linux

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Next....

"MS no longer have a viable business product.""

MS never had a viable business product.

Smoke and mirrors and shitty code.

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hplasm
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Windows

Clonk.

Another one bites the dust. (Or several hundreds of thousands...)

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Bluetooth direct to the internet: What could possibly go wrong?

hplasm
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Facepalm

Bluetooth to Internet...

A giant catflap in the blast doors.

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Carly Fiorina makes like HP and splits – ex-CEO quits White House race

hplasm
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Mushroom

Foff Fiorina!

" I will continue to travel this country and fight for those Americans who refuse to settle for cheap ink."

HP used to be great.

Cnut.

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SCO's last arguments in 'Who owns Linux?' case vs. IBM knocked out

hplasm
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Happy

Re: "The end [..] looks to be near"

Also:-

http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20040207

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Drone-busting eagles to darken Blighty's skies?

hplasm
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WTF?

Glad to see that -

all other crime has been solved, so now plod has to manufacture some.

Oh- that's not new, is it?

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Norks uses ballistic missile to launch silent 'satellite'

hplasm
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" If you want a loitering anything, you need to include the necessary fuel and exhaust ports, ..."

If it has exhaust ports, it is vulnerable. Say to a small squadron of x-wing fighters...

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Remember Netbooks? Windows 10 makes them good again!

hplasm
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Devil

Re: The facts!

Sometimes you can be right, even if you don't want to be.

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Bats and badgers hold up Apple’s Irish data centre plans

hplasm
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Happy

Re: On another note....

"I just noticed I got a bronze badgey....."

Now you are a Bronze Badger!

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hplasm
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Pint

Badger ham

Used to be a thing- who knew? It was often a bar snack...

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Cisco's purple princesses gush workplace joy

hplasm
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Finally-

The decline of 'The Suit'.

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What's it like to work for a genius and Olympic archer who's mates with Richard Branson?

hplasm
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Devil

Re: I would post

Ol' Prune face the Sid James Impersonator?

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re:For one awkward moment...

As did I...

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Boffins smear circuitry onto contact lenses

hplasm
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Happy

BTW: "Chemists have solutions."

If you're not part of the problem, you're part of the precipitate...

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hplasm
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Re: Application?

"Is this more than a solution looking for a problem?"

A contact-lens solution? Naw- we already have that...

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Microsoft showers Office 365 sellers with gold in Google snub

hplasm
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Meh

Re: M$ doesn't need to compete with Google on price...

"g-mail which uses the browser spell checker."

IE by any chance?

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: M$ doesn't need to compete with Google on price...

When they can rely on bribery.

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13 CubeSats to ride mighty US lifter

hplasm
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Black Helicopters

Re: Cube sat not so cubic

Rectangular PRISM sats?

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hplasm
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Re: Launch cost

"Do they really know what this will be used for?"

Dozens of small cube-shaped astronauts. Or pork.

Or square pigs?

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Microsoft buys SwiftKey, Britain's 'stealthiest software startup'

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Hmm, the usual comments.

"Holovision looks like the dogs bollocks too..."

Hairy and dangly and make you look odd if fastened to your face?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Counting the days

"Any hints?"

Go to app, long press- go to play store- press menu- untick auto update.

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hplasm
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Windows

By contrast, SwiftKey is world class.

For now. So was Skype...

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Pentagon can't check F-35 maintenance thanks to insecure database

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Where is the beard?

Shouldn't the guy in the picture get a new beard as he no longer has a beard?

FTFY

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Windows 10 will now automatically download and install on PCs

hplasm
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Re: I upgraded back in November, and Windows 10 is working great.

" Windows 10 is working great. UI is almost exactly the same as Windows 10."

That's a giant leap for OS kind.

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Microsoft: Yes, we are going to kill off Enterprise Agreements

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Then again...

"I would willingly sell my house and all its contents to help Microsoft."

Click here to accept this new EULA.

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Sure, encrypt your email – while your shiny IoT toothbrush spies on you

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Orwell

" I don' t see that happening in Western countries."

Emphasis.

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Most of the world still dependent on cash

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Eh?

"...then ordering up some beer."

This is the part that you don't want to take time.

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Feds slap Rentboy.com boss with further charges

hplasm
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Meh

"...so *why* was this one singled out?"

There's an election brewing in the good ol' US... 'morality' rears it's sleepy head.

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UK.gov plans to unveil a new Digital Bill

hplasm
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Meh

May I be the first-

to raise a Digit or two to this bill.

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Apple’s retail chief: ‘Touching customers’ key to retail success

hplasm
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Meh

What a big pile.

Of Corporate Bobbins.

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Met Police: Yes, outsourcing IT to Steria has 'risks'

hplasm
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Holmes

YAGIF

Yet Another Govt IT Foulup.

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Lincolnshire council shuts down all IT after alleged 0-day breach

hplasm
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Facepalm

Do I smell-

- MS security? Makes G4S look fabulous.

Where's the 'Bowl of Petunias' icon?

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Retailers urged to create 'CCTV-like' symbol to inform customers of mobile tracking

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: How about...

... a big picture of T May.

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Squeeze the banana to log into this office Wi-Fi

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Unfunny Hunic stuff

This is better- Banana && Raspberry PI!

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How to help a user who can't find the Start button or the keyboard?

hplasm
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Some people....

Really need to be put out to pasture.

With prejudice.

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Blighty's Parliament prescribed tablets to cope with future votes

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Flying The Flag

"I'm fairly sure that:

A. Some one did a cost benefit analysis."

I'm fairly sure you are wrong on that count.

"PS. It says its a surface the OS isn't specified... it could be running Linux for all you know."

I would stake the GNP of the UK on it not.

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hplasm
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Stop

Another waste of cash.

What's wrong with paper, or ebony and ivory balls?

More £££ bleeding to MS by TPTB.

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The last time Earth was this hot hippos lived in Britain (that’s 130,000 years ago)

hplasm
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Re: So it's not

hippopotamaux...

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hplasm
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It's true!

Looking at the High Street, the hippos are still living here...

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Forget infrasound, now it's ultrasound that's making you ill (allegedly)

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Project MKUltra

MKUltra- Don't they make 13A plugs...?

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hplasm
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Re: What next?

"Any mysterious and invisible energy or substance in our environment..."

Damn Midichlorians!!

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Boffins: There's a ninth planet out there – now we just need to find it

hplasm
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re:Maybe call it Real Pluto and make everyone happy.

That makes me sad.

How about Pluto Zero?

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hplasm
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"You know, I really like just plain "Planet Nine"."

No, no, no no,no!

It must be Planet Ten- else what of Planet X?

Also, no matter how large it is, it will probably be classed as a 'Dwarf, Elf or Gnome World.

Pluto is a bloody planet. Get over it. Planet #9.

s/Ninth/Tenth

grr!

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Europe's satellite laser comms system set to shine

hplasm
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Happy

You forgot-

"It should be dubbed SkyNet tho"

...to start that sentence with "chan-"

Who? Me?

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Space podule outfit inks Arizona launch deal

hplasm
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Meh

Good luck with the FAA...

"US space flight firm World View has announced it'll be launching the balloon-lofted passenger podule from a new facility in its home state of Arizona, dubbed "Spaceport Tucson"."

just like LOHAN...

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Dell drops next network OS on the waiting world

hplasm
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Not another-

'OS' X, 10 , 1010 release.

It's this decade's 'Turbo'. Bloody lazy marketeers!

(Never mind anything '2000' either!!)

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The planets really will be in alignment for the next month

hplasm
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" But what's that massive glowing red cloud thing?"

It's a cloud- but it's leaving rapidly...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: I see ...

""Jupiter's gone into Orion, and come into conjunction with Mars,

Saturn is wheeling across infinite space to its preordained place in the stars,

And I gaze at the planets in wonder, at the trouble and time they expend,

All to warn me to be careful, in dealings involving a friend"

so in short, you may want to take an umbrella with you tomorrow. Summary- Rain of Fire.

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