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* Posts by hplasm

2403 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Oh no, Joe: WinPhone users already griping over 8.1 mega-update

hplasm
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Devil

Re: RTFM

TFM says This is a Developers Version.

Then- We've done as much as we can with it. See what you can fix for us. Thanks. MS.

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Apple fanbois eat static as Beeb, Sky web stream vids go titsup on iOS

hplasm
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Meh

Re: At the risk of being downvoted

"...just as long as it works for them"

So not at the moment then?

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Microsoft reissues Windows 8.1 Update for enterprise customers

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Windows 8.x is used in the enterprise?

Yes, but only the one with Captain Archer.

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You want an IT course? Welcome to QA Training's Week of Free

hplasm
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Happy

" Microsoft best kept ITPro secret: SCOrch"

Hahahah... Nice one.

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Windows 8.1, which you probably haven't upgraded to yet, ALREADY OBSOLETE

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Waitwhat?

In other news: Win9 ALREADY obsolete!

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You use Office 365, SQL Server or Azure, right? Great, you're invited to Microsoft's data insights

hplasm
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Meh

There are a lot of these MS 'Insights'

Do they all end with "Exit through the bridge shop"?

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Be prepared... for your Scouts-loving sprog to become tiny spin doctor

hplasm
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Facepalm

New motto!

B-Ark Prepared!

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SpaceX Falcon tests HOVERCRAFT tech – despite ISS outage

hplasm
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Happy

Re: At last!

And a checkered band- it needs a checkered band, just below the nose cone!

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Spy-happy Condoleezza Rice joins Dropbox board as privacy adviser

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: What's the big deal?

Got a toilet door, AC?

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USB reversible cables could become standard sooner than you think

hplasm
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Happy

Re: 100W?

I want a USB oven!

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re:the bottom of the port

Which might be on the left, or the right hand side..or the top; which may be underneath.

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Anatomy of OpenSSL's Heartbleed: Just four bytes trigger horror bug

hplasm
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Windows

Re: A bug in a library is always worse, but...

"Who in their right mind is still running web sites on Windows 2000?"

Who in their right mind is still running web sites on Windows ?

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Solar-powered aircraft unveiled for round-the-world flight

hplasm
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Boffin

re:That's why the top speed is limited to 86MPH

To avoid time-travel problems!

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Moody Planes

It's not gravity, it's the ground trying to kill you.

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Ancient Earth asteroid strike that dwarfed dinosaur killer still felt today

hplasm
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Joke

Re: Wiped out species in existence?

"... they would have been clustered around smokers in the deep ocean..."

So after the apocalypse, life will begin again outside offices and in shelters outside of pubs.

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UFO, cosmic ray or flasher? NASA rules on Curiosity curiosity

hplasm
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Alien

Re: "or similar..."

Sadly the other camera fell right in the dark centre of the other of the two luminous rings,which were briefly projected at the rover from a strange rocky projection on the far hilltop.

Together with the luminous circles was a very deep audio signal that was also unfortunately missed by the onboard microphone, apparently wittering on about something concerning 'Mysterons' or some such gibberish... probably just the Martian wind...

Now back to NASA spokesperson, Captain Black, in Mission Control.

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Internet is a TOOL OF SATAN that destroys belief, study claims

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Alleluia, he's Saved!

Repeat after me:- The Web is not The Net.

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Beat it, freetards! Dyn to shut down no-cost dynamic DNS next month

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Meh.

I had the free service- it worked, then stopped.

I started again, and paid. It stopped working. I contacted them.

Nothing happened.

I gave up on Dying DNS.

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NASA's LADEE: A Great Gig in the Sky, now on a death dive to the Dark Side of the Moon

hplasm
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Re: yes, I do know vacuum cleaners don't function in, er, vacuum.

But they do... clean it, right?

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Five-year-old discovers Xbox password bug, hacks dad's Live account

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Good on the kid for figuring this out, but

Isn't that the same technique that gave us TIFKAM?

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Nothing's as SCARY as an overly aggressive SOFTWARE PIMP

hplasm
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WTF?

Re:"Try them both on a 13" retina display..."

You have 13" eyes? Are you a squid?

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In three hours, Microsoft gave the Windows-verse everything it needed

hplasm
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Windows

Re: None of this changes anything

"We are not the modern equivalent of car-fiddling 20 somethings who brag about tiny inconsequential tweaks that took hours to sort out."

So stop installing 3d party fixes for W8's shortcomings and bragging about it.

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BEHOLD the HOLY GRAIL of TECH: The REVERSIBLE USB plug

hplasm
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Happy

Re: We have all experienced Schrödinger's USB stick

All cables have the plug on upside-down. It's a natural law.

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Puking! protester! forces! Yahoo! 'techie! scum!' to! ride! vile! bile! barf! bus! to! work!

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Die Techie Scum

Ha- beat me to it- German techno Band...

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Is this photo PROOF a Windows 7 Start Menu is coming back?

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Please make it optional... some people aren't idiots

Original desktop too hard for some people, it seems; love W8...

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Back off, Siri! Microsoft debuts Halo beauty Cortana

hplasm
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Devil

Re: You MS haters are amusing!

MS- you are just being Siri now.

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hplasm
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Meh

"Cortana is powered by Bing,"

Holly has an IQ of 5000.

We all know how that turned out.

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El Reg's Deep Outback XP upgrade almost foiled by KILLER ARACHNIDS

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Just to be pedantic

So- are the leggy fuckers toxic, or not?

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Hotmail-gate: Windows 8 code leaker pleads guilty to theft of trade secrets

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Russian national?

" Which will look amazingly like Win 8.1 but without the suck."

The look is a major part of the suck. It is tightly integrated...

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How Microsoft can keep Win XP alive – and WHY: A real-world example

hplasm
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Linux

Re: WHY because Why waste that old Hardware, its bad for Planet Earth.

"Can Ubuntu control a lathe?"

Yes, it can.

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HTC One M8: Reg man takes spin in Alfa Romeo of smartphone world

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Windows 8 BREAKS ITSELF after system restores

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Stay with Win7

The Win9 Start Button will probably just be a PayPal button that says "Give cash to Microsoft".

And you'll have to press it on a daily basis.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: breaking news

It's breaking, bad. (ly)

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Apple vows to add racially diverse EMOJIS after MILEY CYRUS TWITTER outrage

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Well-

"We have filed a request with the government in the hope of launching our own petition demanding that British politicians ban the use emojis altogether."

This!

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As WinXP death looms, Microsoft releases its operating system SOURCE CODE for free

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Are you insane?

"Like performance and security features - yeah what a waste of time."

Well it's not like they actually did anything...

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The plot to kill Google cloud: We'll rename Windows Azure to MICROSOFT Azure

hplasm
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Happy

Re: The comments posted here should be on SNL in the US. You Brits ROCK!

You're welcome. Please pass on our complements to your countrymen in Redmond for their comedy stylings also.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: When will the next name change be?

$500,000 would get them the Smart Price or Tesco Value branding- that would be better.

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It's 2014 and you can pwn a PC by opening a .RTF in Word, Outlook

hplasm
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Windows

"... compatibility with previous versions..."

MS Office- Crap yesterday, crap tomorrow. You can rely on it.

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EE...K: Why can't I uninstall carrier's sticky 'Free Games' app?

hplasm
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Happy

Because there is nothing on my Lumia...

apps wise.

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What does people-centric IT mean, anyway?

hplasm
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Windows

People-centric IT

MS version:-

Round up all the users in the centre of a field and put a big chain around them.

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Microsoft exec: I don't know HOW our market share sunk

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Choice versus forced...

"It was pretty obvious that Microsoft software was designed"

Ah- I can see your problem right there...

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Tornado-chasing stealth Batmobile set to invade killer vortices

hplasm
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Happy

Re: What is it with Americans

It'll be fine unless a Trenco or a zwilnik's bomb gets under the leading edge...

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'Arrogant' Snowden putting lives at risk, says NSA's deputy spyboss

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Right...

My list of people who can Fuck Right Off grows daily.

Ledgett is on it.

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Every little helps: Dirty MOLE BANDITS clean out Tesco ATM from BELOW

hplasm
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Happy

There I was...

Diggin' this 'ole

'Ole in the ground,

Big and sort of round it was-

And then I found myself surrounded by the Plod, M'lud.

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QUIDOCALYPSE: Blighty braces for £100 MILLION cost of new £1 coin

hplasm
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Joke

Re: Coin recognition

ISIS will make the machines more expensive, as each one has to hold a copy of the link-state routing table...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: "it has 15 faces (12 bevels, obverse, reverse, outer edge)"

Looks pretty much like a cow to me too- ( NOT Liz...).

Moreso than Tesco milk, anyway...

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Monkey steals iPod touch, loses interest in minutes

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Stormi-Lee

Or a Marvel/ X-men connection?

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Keep your quinoa, hipsters: Boffins back healthy slabs of choc

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Almost daily ...

"Imagine the irony if you were to get run over by a bus tomorrow...."

Lying there, in a pool of dark liquid deliciousness as it seeps from your squashed torso...

/that was odd...

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Bing accused of out-censoring the Great Firewall

hplasm
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Happy

Never confuse malice-

With a crappy search engine.

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