* Posts by hplasm

2657 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

V. R. R. Stob's magnificent saga A Game Of Dog-and-Bones

hplasm
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There should be a Prize

For this work alone!!

Brilliant!

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ESA: Venus probe doomed to fiery death on weird planet's surface

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Crazy ideas...

"Or could the slowdown be a countdown to another resurfacing event?"

Easy to check - look for cones...

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Microsoft says to expect AWESOME things of Windows 10 in January

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: High school adjectives for business solutions

$50 for another version of the Horse-Drawn Aeroplane?

Don't make me laugh...

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NASA asks world+dog to name Mercury's craters (back off, 4chan)

hplasm
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Happy

Banks?

I or I.M

or both?

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30,000 people buy a box of BOVINE EXCREMENT

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Ronseal -

"Non-UK readers might not get that reference."

True, but they can Bing it...

(ack! Sorry...)

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hplasm
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Happy

Ronseal -

The Next Generation...

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FATTIES: Boffins say their miracle sunshine skin cream 'prevents obesity'

hplasm
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Happy

Re: dammit

Death of Rats? It is you- It IS you! Oh bless the maker...!

What's that you have? Looks like a Polytron to me...a really BIG one.

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Bong Ventures LLC: We've been cyberhacked

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Pandora's box

I have a strange, heavy feeling, that all this is based on truth...

Like 'Yes, Minister' was a 'just' comedy show.

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US Navy's LASER CANNON WARSHIP: USS Ponce sent to Gulf

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: It was named after the explorer Juan Ponce de León

"I wonder how many lasers can be powered with 1.21 jigawatts"

Just one. But it's a big bastard.

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Microsoft opens Azure cloud to US govt for vid surveillance, etc

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Hypocrisy?

It's only fair- now World + Dog has open access to USG files...

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Parliament face-sit-in to spark mass debate on UK's stiff smut stance

hplasm
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Happy

Celebrity Deathmatch

John Holmes vs Mary Whitehouse.

Mary Millington vs Mary Poppins.

Weapons optional.

Discuss...

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Keep your court orders to YOURSELF – human rights chief slaps US

hplasm
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Megaphone

Re: @lucki bstard Gottalottaballs here...

I'm Brian, and so is my wife!

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NASA prods sleeping New Horizons spacecraft: Wakey, wakey, Pluto's calling

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: PLUTO.......Planet, planetoid, Celestial Body or what?

It is and always will be, a FUCKING PLANET.

There, was that so hard?

IAU thought so, and were summary demoted to non-boffins

Harvard think not...eager to gain the boffin badge:-

http://www.theguardian.com/science/shortcuts/2014/oct/05/galaxys-guardians-make-the-case-upgrade-pluto-back-to-planet-size

suck on it, Plutoists!

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Parliament: All's well with RIPA snooping, no problem here

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: UK Politics

We'll need to borrow the great wall of China, assuming all Five-Eyes countries are involved.

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Quantum computing is so powerful it takes two years to understand what happened

hplasm
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Re: Bitcoin?

Mine one- mine them all at the same time.

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ESA finds FOURTH comet touchdown for Philae lander

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Was Philae able to stabilize itself in any way?

"...how the hell did it happen to land shiny side up? Pure luck? Alien intervention?"

Buttered Cat module....

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E-cigarettes fingered as source of NASTY VIRUS

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Let's sum it up

Completely OT-

A personal vaporizer. If no flying cars, then zap guns!

If you can charge them via USB, even better!

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systemd row ends with Debian getting forked

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: What is systemd

"Poettering complained that the "Open source community is full of assholes, and I probably more than most others am one.""

There. Fixed.

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Holy sh*t! Amsterdam man in pop-up public toilet shock horror

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: Daft design

As I understand it, the loos rise from their underground lairs as the sun sets, ready for the onslaught of the nocturnal pissants, and return to their stinky pits in the morning.

They were considered for the UK, but the concept was presumably too complicated for the average UK bladder-wielder.

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I'll be back (and forward): Hollywood's time travel tribulations

hplasm
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Devil

Re: The glaring philosophical issues of time travel

"And if I ask Alice+7 for her personal perspective..."

But Alice+7 would say- "You asked me about this last week!" And Alice +14 would say "Oh not again!" and hit you with a pan.

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Bond villains lament as Wicked Lasers withdraw death ray

hplasm
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Coat

Re: 5 mW?

He no drunk, he Il.

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Let's vote on breaking up Google, say MEPs with NO power to do any such thing

hplasm
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Megaphone

How about-

Let's vote on breaking up the EU gravy train?

(NOT a Kipper)

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'Snoopers' Charter IS DEAD', Lib Dems claim as party waves through IP address-matching

hplasm
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Childcatcher

Re: Blind leading the blind

"Never mind that she also appears to be the daughter of Wurzel Gummidge."

Ms May IS Emperor Palpatine. The photo in the article proves it.

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I need a password to BRAKE? What? No! STOP! Aaaargh!

hplasm
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Re: If you want real brand-name-association,

Achtung!

Untrained

Driver

Inside

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Windows Phone will snatch biz No 2 spot from Android – analyst

hplasm
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Meh

I can smell something...

Has somebody opened a cow?

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Roll up, roll up, Microsoft's rolled up dozens of OS fixes

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Microsoft's just released its November rollup

"odd...I got it a few days ago."

That's due to a bug...

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FORGET the CLIMATE: FATTIES are a MUCH BIGGER problem - study

hplasm
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Happy

Re: NBA - National Butty Association

"...but ye cannae tak' our fried goods!"

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Webcam hacker pervs in MASS HOME INVASION

hplasm
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Happy

"4. The cupboard under the stairs."

Why- Are you keeping a young wizard in there?

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Hackers seize Detroit's database, demand $800k. Motor City shrugs: OK, take it

hplasm
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Joke

Re: Anyone seen "Burn After Reading" ?

Burn after Reading - label on festival tents.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

FTA...

"...the state's Cyber Civilian Corp (IT experts trained in security incident response) would be expanded to a dozen teams..."

From no teams, at present.

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CERN's 2014 Xmas gift from the Large Hadron Collider: Two new baryons

hplasm
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Happy

Re: What do they do?

You mean, of course- can they power a flying car?

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London police chief: City bankers, prepare for a terrorist cyber attack. Again

hplasm
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Coat

Simple-

Dont use ISIS- move to OSPF or EIGRP...

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Microsoft: Your Linux Docker containers are now OURS to command

hplasm
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Meh

Coming soon-

How to control your multi-colour newspaper printing plant with a Petite typewriter.

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MYSTERY Russian satellite: ORBITAL WEAPON? Sat GOBBLER? What?

hplasm
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Alert

Re: Not a new idea...

...just waiting for Sandra Bullock...

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European Commission decides it won't have a science advisor after Greenpeace pressure

hplasm
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Facepalm

Not to worry-

Her post will be replaced with Multi-faith Spiritual Advisor.

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Sky: We're no longer calling ourselves British. Yep. And Broadcasting can do one, too

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Does this mean

"So, you dont use Windows, MS office or anything MS created legally then...."

or At All.

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Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title

hplasm
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Bureaucrats And How To Annoy Them-

By R.T.Fishall

(Actually by Patrick Moore OBE, RIP)

A sterling work.

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WATCH: Rosetta astroboffin TATTOOED with PHILAE from the FUTURE!

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Your article is in bad taste, Jasper

Not so much bad taste- but it does make you sound like you have a Brylcreemed side parting...

Hehehe...

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'Tech giants who encrypt comms are unwittingly aiding terrorists', claims ex-Home Sec Blunkett

hplasm
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FAIL

Braille is encryption

Perhaps he would like to start there?

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: SPOTTED THE DELIBERATE MISTAKE

9/11 or 11/9- let us not forget the terrible day.

Manchester dogs home was torched.

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Elon Musk and ex-Google man mull flinging 700 internet satellites into orbit

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Not a lard arse

Hmm. Hundreds of satellites, or parts of some sort of metallic suits...?

(No, not bloody cybermen Mk 2...)

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Doctor Who trashing the TARDIS, Clara alone, useless UNIT – Death in Heaven

hplasm
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Meh

Re: The Doctor, poised to kill the Master.

But!- at least The Doctor now is free of the mawkish Doctor Cult that was starting to weigh him down about 'Am I good or not?'; thanks David Tennant for keeping that one one going...

Also- bloody Rose Tyler didn't stick her nose in at the last minute.

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Lindsay Lohan ignores El Reg's tender twitterly advances

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Really?

"When you think of another way, let us know.2

how about ----- >

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3D PRINTED GUNS: THIS time it's for REAL! Oh, wait – no, still crap

hplasm
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WTF?

Has WiRED

Had their coffee supply cut off recently, or have they just started spouting weird crap?

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Russians hear Tim Cook is gay, pull dead Steve Jobs' enormous erection

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: Something lost in the translation?

@Abacus-

I can see why you're worried about sodomy.

You're an arsehole.

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Hold onto your hats and follow the BYOD generation

hplasm
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WTF?

You want me-

-to bring in my own kit, to use for work. And you want to pay me less...?

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New GCHQ spymaster: US tech giants are 'command and control networks for TERROR'

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Surveil?!?

How about Stalk.

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European SPACEMAN exposes EERIE snaps of ISS in Twitter feed

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Up-side-down

"...map of earth with north at the top is a man-man view of the world ..."

But if North isn't at the top, the writing is upside-down...

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Cockneys don't stick to either...

Teflon or...?

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Microsoft: How to run Internet Explorer 11 on ANDROID, iOS, OS X

hplasm
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Devil

"you can expect RemoteIE to hang or crash randomly."

Wow. It is an accurate test-bed then?

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