* Posts by Rich 11

245 posts • joined 8 Jul 2009

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700,000 beautiful women do the bidding of one Twitter-scamming man

Rich 11
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Start a religion

I wonder which religion your downvoter follows?

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Bongfire of Inanity: Jakarta rozzers enforce mass chill-out

Rich 11
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Smoky delight

This reminds me of a report in an Australian newspaper from about 20 years ago, of an incident where the cops got the local fire brigade to help them safely burn a huge stash of weed. Three firefighters were later disciplined for "inhaling through the sides of their respirators".

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Amazon cloud threatens to SMASH the fundamental laws of PHYSICS

Rich 11
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Infinite?

Maybe Amazon have developed C-space, the cloudy equivalent of L-space.

Still prefer L-space.

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Make up your mind: Microsoft puts a bullet in Internet Explorer after all

Rich 11
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It's probably the civil service's fault as much as the politicians. I rather suspect they make all the real decisions, no matter what party is in power.

Well, of course. The Civil Service wouldn't want to leave anything important up to the amateurs, would they?

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SCARESTEROID of the week to miss Earth on Friday

Rich 11
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If we get really lucky...

...an asteroid just large enough to destroy a building will strike the Daily Express and spare us all from their inanity.

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Woman caught on CCTV performing drunken BJ blew right to privacy

Rich 11
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Re: I feel sorry for her unborn kid

"Hello, little darling. Mummy wants to tell you all about her 15 minutes of fame."

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UK.gov crackpots: Let's build vapourware-based sharing economy CITIES

Rich 11
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Subversive

Mark Field, Conservative MP for Cities of London & Westminster, said in a Parliamentary debate last week that it was "essentially a front for a commercial campaign".

He said: "Frankly, it is akin to setting up a trade body of payday lenders to dictate financial services policy. I am sorry that the wool is being pulled over the minister’s eyes as these self-professed independent voices dictate a commercially advantageous landscape.”

He sounds far too sensible to be in the Tories. That or his City constituency backers are running scared.

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Rich 11
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Share this!

Whitehall should also "lead by example" by getting civil servants "to use sharing economy solutions to book accommodation and transport when travelling on official business".

Never mind Whitehall, let's start with Downing Street. Next time Call Me Dave wants to visit the far-flung corners of his empire, he can cadge a lift up the M1 and sit in the back of Stanislaw's white van, sharing a bottle of kupnik and a joint with Stan's chippies.

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Not in the Budget: Spooks beg UK.gov for £111m brown envelope

Rich 11
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Budget-smugglers

I wish my budget worked in a way which allowed for the addition of 'supplementary estimates'.

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Atomic keyrings: Just how bright are they?

Rich 11
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As much as I'd like a gadget powered by evil radiation (at least that's what I'd tell people, just to see how many freak out), I cancelled my purchase when I got to the checkout and saw the shipping cost. It made me feel like I was being ripped off. Shame on you, El Reg.

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Internet Explorer LIVES ON, cackle sneaky Microsoft engineers

Rich 11
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Browser warts

Microsoft has to keep IE going because so many enterprise customers still use it, with version six still being run internally for some processes, but it's a pain in the backside for Redmond because there's so much legacy code in there that the browser is sluggish and patching problematic.

That's what you get for winning the browser war and then sitting on your hands, muttering 'La-la-la! Can't hear you' for too long. I have no sympathy for them -- I'll reserve that for those of us who've had to live with their dull complacency and arrogance.

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Aged 18-24? Don't care about voting? Got a phone? Oh dear...

Rich 11
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There are any number of fun ways to spoil your ballot

Including the application of warm, fresh urine.

Makes a change from all of them pissing on the rest of us.

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Bride legs it from wedding after groom proves unable to add up

Rich 11
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Re: Arithmetic

How long to fill a bath? I remember that as a calculus problem: "First, assume a parabolic bathtub..."

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Universal Credit could take 10 YEARS to finish, says Labour MP

Rich 11
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Trackless waste

“Our current plan is on track"

As was the previous plan, until it wasn't.

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Kaspersky claims to have found NSA's 'space station malware'

Rich 11
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Late starts?

Executable timestamps reveal NSA developers likely work hardest on the platform on Tuesdays to Fridays, perhaps having late starts to Monday.

Or a brain-sapping number of Monday morning meetings leading to an essential liquid-lunch recovery session.

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Forget 1,000 lashes for Facebook posts, Saudis now want to behead blogger Raif Badawi

Rich 11
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Re: Trouble , nothing but trouble

She wasn't even a nice person.

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Is light a wave or a particle? Beaming boffins prove it's BOTH

Rich 11
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All perfectly clear/unclear now

I both understood it and didn't understand it. I assume that at some point I will collapse.

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Spotty Ceres baffles boffins with bright patches

Rich 11
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using its ion drive

I can't really describe just how much pleasure these words give me.

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Who uses the Universal Credit system? ALMOST NOBODY, says report

Rich 11
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Minor flaw

"...and for in-coming government to have a credible plan."

What are the odds of one of those ever getting elected?

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Microsoft: You want on-prem wares, UK.gov? We'll make you pay

Rich 11
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Are we talking about GCHQ?

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BBC: SOD the scientific consensus! Look OUT! MEGA TSUNAMI is coming

Rich 11
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Re: Horizon no more...

Every time Horizon shows a gas fireball against a black background to represent the Big Bang, I cringe.

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Your hard drives were RIDDLED with NSA SPYWARE for YEARS

Rich 11
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Re: And of course

Typewriters? Too easy to compromise. I'm going back to a clay cylinder and a cuneus.

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£100 MILLION poured down drain on failed UK.gov IT projects - in just ONE YEAR

Rich 11
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Re: Better than expected

You reckon £350 billion is wasted? Let me guess: you only want money to be spent on the roads you drive on, the schools your children use, the hospitals you attend, and maybe -- just maybe -- the people you like. OK, got it.

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Cortana to form CIRCLE OF LIFE in Windows 10

Rich 11
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Little charm, but much strangeness.

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Mad Frankie Maude hangs up his axe

Rich 11
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Blearghh

our brilliant chancellor

That tells you everything you need to know about Maude's judgement.

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Care.data refuseniks will be DENIED CANCER SCREENING invites

Rich 11
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Re: How about ...

I don't know if that was a twat but it might have been a Hunt.

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Rich 11
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Re: "Anyone care to define the word "direct" in this context?

ThieveDirect.

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Rich 11
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Re: Nothing wrong here

I'd like to register my vote for daft apoths. Prior to my next opportunity on 9th May, of course.

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Snoopers' Charter amendments withdrawn – FOR NOW ...

Rich 11
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Re: Yuk, not again

It was the House of Lords, nobody voted for them.

Not quite. Ninety-two of the once-hereditary peers were voted to stay on by the rest of the Lords. Once they've all died off, though, we'll finally have an upper chamber appointed entirely by politicians.

Yuk, indeed!

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Is it humanly possible to watch Gigli and Battlefield Earth back-to-back?

Rich 11
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Re: Mine...

Robocop 2

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Increased gov spy powers are NOT the way to stay safe against terrorism

Rich 11
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Re: Maybe the only way to prevent this

I rarely have anything good to say about Labour, but to say they drove the economy off a cliff is utter rubbish. The greed and recklessness of the investment banks drove the economy off a cliff. This is why so many other countries also have trashed economies, or are you going to blame Labour for that too?

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David Cameron: I'm off to the US to get my bro Barack to ban crypto – report

Rich 11
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Re: Terrorist are naughty

> We need a government that isn't blind to the fucking obvious

But governments are made up of politicians, whose entire agenda revolves around hiding the fucking obvious.

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Preserve the concinnity of English, caterwauls American university

Rich 11
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Re: Liff's too short

My preference is to use words with the fewest least letters.

Except, presumably, when your choice of shortest word introduces ambiguity. 'Least' is used with mass nouns, not countable nouns where 'fewest' is more accurate and unambiguous. 'Least letters' suggests that set of letters which are held in the lowest regard or have the least importance.

</pedantry>

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No, the Linux leap second bug WON'T crash the web

Rich 11
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Pint

Re: Well, I don't know what you lot are going to do, but i'm....

I'm going to spend it in the pub. There's no time to waste.

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Is there ANOTHER UNIVERSE headed BACKWARDS IN TIME?

Rich 11
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Re: Keep up El Reg

If you've already seen this next week then you can also be assured that your current hangover is going to fade into a period of oblivion, followed by a session of merry jubilation. Sadly, though, you'll soon have no memory of the pleasure you gained from catching that STD.

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Car-crash IT: HUGE write-off for Universal Credit - PAC

Rich 11
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Re: I was watching Yes Minister last night

I wonder how high we will need to make the gallows for this one?

A seven-foot drop is enough to snap the neck of an adult human; fourteen feet or more often ends in decapitation. Your choice.

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Brit boffins debunk 'magnetic field and cancer' link

Rich 11
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Re: Mood changers

For our senses to detect this there must be some sort of interaction.

That might be something to do with spotting big, dark clouds in the sky.

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By the Rivers of Babylon, where the Antikythera Mechanism laid down

Rich 11
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Optional

There is a real need for someone to invent the chronoscope.

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It's space WAR: Comet launches fireballs at space-invading EARTH

Rich 11
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Your cat can levitate?

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Rare Stegosaurus skeleton moves into plush London pad

Rich 11
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Re: " ... weighed as much as a 4x4 vehicle"

Does El Reg need a standard for refrigerator sizes now? Maybe one that will one sheep or two?

How about standardising on a fridge capable of holding enough beer for four people for a weekend? To get the beer per person value, divide the volume of beer drunk in the UK each weekend by the number of adults in the population, round it up to crates or firkins, then double it and add three*.

*Standard project task resource/duration modifer.

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Are MPs smarter than 5-year-olds? We'll soon find out at coding school – Berners-Lee

Rich 11
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Re: Engineers in Parliament

And British Rail used to be run by engineers. Look at what the railway netowrk is like now that it's run by beancounters.

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FALL of the MACHINES: How to KILL the Google KARATE BOT, by our expert

Rich 11
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Weka point

That big tube hanging out of its arse is clearly a weak point

It'd be fair to say that of anyone.

How long before they armour-plate its arsetube?

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GOD particle MAY NOT BE GOD particle: Scientists in shock claim

Rich 11
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Re: Science marches on then stubs its TOE

We still knew where the (known) planets, stars and comets were and could predict their paths very precisely.

Epicycles weren't exactly known for their precision. That's why people had to keep adding ever more of them.

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Rich 11
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By the way, the world may end on Friday, because there is no absolute guarantee that Saturday will happen. We could actually encounter a day that resembles a Saturday.

As long as pseudo-Saturday starts with a bacon sandwich and a large mug of tea, I don't care.

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FUTURE ROBOTS will EXTERMINATE UK jobs – study

Rich 11
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Re: Fine by me...

The robots will just learn to use the hoverboards.

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Rich techbro CEOs told to SLEEP ROUGH before slamming the poor

Rich 11
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Re: New depths of stupid plumbed by ... the above

Income inequality is not a problem? I expect you'll be perfectly happy to be homeless and living out of dustbins, then.

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UK.gov set to burn half a BEELLLION POUNDS on one-dole-to-rule-em-all IT, claims PAC chair

Rich 11
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The Civil Service has been sacking experienced staff for decades, in successive rounds of departmental cuts, outsourcings and desperate attempts to meet whatever 'waste' cuts ministers of all hues have demanded out of ideological ignorance. Few government departments have enough expert specialists left to determine how to avoid a project going off the rails or to tell when it is likely to do so, so they bring in consultants whose focus isn't necessarily that of the best interests of their client.

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BONFIRE of the MEGA-BUCKS: $200m+ BURNED in SECONDS in Antares launch blast

Rich 11
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It might help to recall the tragedies which struck the Mercury and Apollo programmes.

Regardless, it's the first hundred miles which is the hardest bit (followed closely by the final hundred miles).

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China lunar mission readies for return to Earth

Rich 11
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Sunlight

Comparing the two images, my first impression is that they were taken about five days apart (going by the portion of the moon in sunlight and trying to match up features on each). That assumes that neither image has been doctored, of course.

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MEN: For pity's sake SLEEP with LOTS of WOMEN - and avoid Prostate Cancer

Rich 11
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Re: a study from Canadian health researchers

It would appear on the surface that they asked a statistically quite small group of people some questions and then inferred some "results".

It could indeed appear so to someone with little knowledge of statistics or of the concept of prior plausibility.

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