* Posts by Kane

438 posts • joined 17 May 2007

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Clucking hell! Farcical free-range egg standard pecked apart by app

Kane
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Re: Simple App

"a) They'll be lying under their breath

b) They'll be lying by omission"

Additionally:

c) They'll be thinking about lying.

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One million patients have opted out of Care.data

Kane
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Boffin

"You find correlations in seeming unrelated data through proper analysis"

I have a website that'll be right up your back alley.

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This headline will, in part, cost pepper-spraying University of California, Davis $175k

Kane
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Does anyone know if hyperlinks are indexed with their associated content?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-36053673

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Kane
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Re: UC Davis Lieutenant John Pike pepper spray

Presumably the SEO campaign by UC Davis (where Lieutenant John Pike pepper sprayed a peaceful student demo) was designed to put other search results above any containing the terms, "UC Davis", "Lieutenant John Pike" and "pepper spray". This will be quite difficult if there are many other pages with those terms ( "UC Davis", "Lieutenant John Pike" and "pepper spray"). Perhaps it would have been better if UC Davis had never entrusted Lieutenant John Pike wth such harmful weapons as pepper spray. Then they wouldn't find themselves having to try and beat the search rankings for "UC Davis", "Lieutenant John Pike" and "pepper spray". That's, "UC Davis", "Lieutenant John Pike" and "pepper spray".

Really? I never would have guessed!

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South Korea to upgrade national stereo defence system for US$16m

Kane
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Joke

Re: I seem to recall seeing Black Sadbbath with a PA consisting only of...

"my ears are still ringing..."

What? PARDON?

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

*As someone with Tinnitus all my life, I'm allowed to make these jokes. Also you have permission to laugh.

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US bus passenger cracks one off for three hours

Kane
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"Sometimes, I wonder why I even still come here."

That's a good point, maybe you should leave?

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Kane
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Re: 3 hours?

"Chafe."

Lubricant.

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Astroboffin discovers exoplanet by accident ... in 1917

Kane
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Joke

Re: Grey Dwarf?

"May I suggest "Grey Dwarf"?"

Nah, I think "Dirty Dwarf" sounds better.

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Daily! Mail! eyes! up! Yahoo!'s news! arm!

Kane
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WTF?

"yahoo's google search bar"

wut?

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Kane
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Website no-one uses to be acquired by newspaper everyone hates

Excellent, made my day!

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GDS has no real strategy for £450m budget pot, internal plan reveals

Kane
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Re: Also...

I think you'll find that was about publishing documents to the public, not about software being used "in-house" as it were.

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Dropping 1,000 cats from 32km: How practical is that?

Kane
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Boffin

Re: @Kane

"They were talking about 1,000 cats. What kind of meat do you think they had an excess of?"

Well, if dropping 1,000 cats from 32km, I reckon they would have an excess of about...1,000? Including splashy bits?

However, I'm assuming you're commenting on the "Fido" reference. Here you go.

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Kane
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"A meat and potato pie contains approx 430kcal"

Do you mean a named meat?*

*And by named, I don't mean "Fido".

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Illegal drugs and dodgy pics? Nah. Half the dark web is perfectly legal

Kane
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Re: Small world

"Hmm. If I move to the dark side could I expect a lot less spam?"

I don't know, but you could expect a lot more cookies.

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PayPal freezes 400-job expansion in North Carolina over bonkers religious freedom law

Kane
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Re: America

3) Glastonbury many years ago; I'm still in therapy.

Understandable really, the olfactory senses tend to shutdown after about 48 hours of exposure to the, uh, ahem, "shit-pits".

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Barbie-brained Mattel exec phell for phishing, sent $3m to China

Kane
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Childcatcher

Hypocritical

So, when the company experiences an embarrassing loss of monies, they get the heavies in to recoup, but when they release a product that has so many security holes you can wash and drain your vegetables in it, no one gets involved?

Fuck them, I'll be telling all my friends that have kids to boycott their products, and I'll make sure they tell their friends and associates to do the same.

Won't somebody think of the children?

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Waiting for your Oculus to arrive? Yeah, it's going to be some time

Kane
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Re: Two thoughts.

"1) Just attach the headset to your dog when you aren't using it. That should make a hash of Facebook's ad-serving and tracking. :)"

That's fine right up until you start getting Winalot Prime/Pedigree Chum adverts appearing in your farcebook feed.

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Kane
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shutupandtakeallmyupvotes.jpg

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Tired of Windows 10 phoning home? Maybe the special Chinese govt version is for you

Kane
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Joke

@MrTuk

"It's faster, doesn't need even 25% of the 16gb of ram I have installed and usually only utilizes 2-3gb only !"

Yes, but can it run Crysis?

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Police create mega crime database to rule them all. Is your numberplate in it? Could be

Kane
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Re: Peasants! It's all your fault

"History being mostly cyclical, what did we do last time?"

I'm sure axes were involved...

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UN rapporteur: 'Bad example' UK should bin the Snoopers' Charter

Kane
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Re: Clarification:

"From orbit, it is, yes."

It's the only way to be sure.

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$17 smartwatch sends something to random Chinese IP address

Kane
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Re: Optional@Electron Shepherd

handclap.gif

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We're doing SETI the wrong and long way around, say boffins

Kane
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Re: Smarter than us

@Magani

And you forgot the 'Da-Da-Dum, Da-Da-Dum' afterwards

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Kane
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Mushroom

Re: Smarter than us@Tessier-Ashpool

"...or something like that."

.

.

"Amazing-looking ship though. Looks like a fish, moves like a fish, steers like a cow."

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Investigatory Powers Bill lands in Parliament amid howls over breadth of spying powers

Kane
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Big Brother

Re: Double taxation

"When we encounter non-crazy terrorists be very afraid because we're screwed."

There is no when, we already do, they're called "Elected Representatives".

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Investigatory Powers Bill to be rushed into Parliament on Tuesday

Kane
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Black Helicopters

Re: Excuse me?

"You see the same pattern with every Home Secretary, whatever party they belong to. Start off reasonable (or as reasonable as a Laura Norder loving politician can be) but a year or two later they turn into Judge Dredd, after a constant feeding process - "look at these crime statistics, Home Secretary", "look at these terrorism statistics, Home Secretary", "look at how many plots MI5/6 have thwarted, Home Secretary", "you wouldn't want an atrocity to happen on your watch, Home Secretary". Basically, it's Stockholm Syndrome. the Farr Effect."

There, FTFY.

Icon relevant, because I know they're watching.

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Ukraine has a Eurovision pop at Russia

Kane
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Joke

Re: WTF?

"The Eurovison Song Contest still exists!? People still watch it!?!? And not as some form of forced torture!?!?!??!"

-

-

-

"'Multiple exclamation marks,' he went on, shaking his head, 'are a sure sign of a diseased mind.'"

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Secret UN report finds against controversial WIPO chief

Kane
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Re: If I may say

"I speak without specific knowledge of this particular case."

Nudge nudge, wink wink!

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National Pupil Database engorged to 20 million individual kids' records

Kane
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Go

Re: Mental note

Obligatory!

https://xkcd.com/327/

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Kane
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Childcatcher

Re: tick, tick, tick ...

"Individual schools only have access to data on their own pupils on their own local database. This data is submitted to DfE three times a year."

You seem to have an insightful knowledge of the inner workings of local/central government practices.

Please, do tell more!

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Joint Committee on UK Snoopers' Charter: Make like a dictionary and give a definition

Kane
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Big Brother

"One could almost be forgiven for thinking that this whole charter was written by spooks Charles Farr and dumped on her desk to sell to the sheep."

FTFY.

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We're going to use your toothbrush to snoop on you, says US spy boss

Kane
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Re: Tough call

"Actually, the toilet bowl is the cleanest place in the average bathroom."

Not after it's just been used...

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Danish Sith Lord fined in Galactic Republic rumpus

Kane
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Joke

"Using "saddometer" is also a little bit ironic coming from The Register, who's main audience is probably considered by the general pubic to be disctinctly nerdish. Pot calling kettle black there I think :P"

Biting the hand that feeds IT

It's right there, in the title!

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Kane
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Alien

Damn you!

Now I can't get it out of my head!

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Thousands fled TalkTalk after gigantic hack, confirm researchers

Kane
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Go

Response

"TalkTalk kept stumm stumm when asked by The Register for comment."

Shouldn't that be StummStumm instead? You know, in the flavour of things...

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Nude tribute to Manet's Olympia ends in cuffing

Kane
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Coat

"She's only in it for the Manet"

It's all about the Manet, Manet, Manet...

I'll just grab my coat...

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Twitter goes titsup

Kane
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Trollface

"Today, worldwide productivity increases 100%."

Except for around here, yes?

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Comet halo theory for flickering 'alien megastructure' star fails

Kane
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Alien

Re: We'll have it done by next Thursday

"The thing about building a star-encircling megastructure, is that it requires a civilisation capable of building a star-encircling megastructure."

So, what you're saying is that until you've tried to build a star-encircling megastructure, you won't know if you can build a star-encircling megastructure?

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Murderous necrophiliac kangaroo briefly wins nation's heart

Kane
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Re: Natural behaviour

Colon drew himself up to attention again. "Not natural, in my view, sah. Not in favour of unnatural things".

Vetinari looked perplexed. "You mean, you eat your meat raw and sleep in a tree?"

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We know this isn't about PRISM, Matt Warman MP. But do you?

Kane
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Re: I wish I could remember names

I do wonder what ol' Charlie boy has on Mr Warman...

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Robotic exoskeleton market to grow 40 per cent a year until 2025

Kane
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Re: We all know what happens next.

"And quite possibly just before that, it uninstalls Flash."

So, something useful then?

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Cyber security buck stops with me, says Dido Harding

Kane
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Devil

Misplaced recruitment opportunities

"What the criminals effectively did was successfully find a needle in a haystack of haystacks."

Well, then maybe they should be hired to work on PRESTON, the intelligence services may have a better chance of finding the terropedoists.

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Big Brother is born. And we find out 15 years too late to stop him

Kane
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Black Helicopters

"Privacy = 'we are not currently looking at what we hold on you'"

There's your key word, right there.

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NZ unfurls proposed new flag

Kane
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Boffin

In This Thread?

Fun With Flags!

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Spending Review: GDS gets £450m, Cabinet Office budget slashed

Kane
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Re: Quick somebody point out to 'em

Beat me to it Esme, have an upvote!

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Tech firms fight anti-encryption demands after Paris murders

Kane
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Facepalm

A "bunch" is the collective noun for Arseholes

"If you create a product that allows evil monsters to communicate in this way, to behead children, to strike innocents – whether it's at a game in a stadium, in a small restaurant in Paris, take down an airline – that is a big problem.”

List of Products used by Evil Monsters™ to enable communication:

  • Shoes - enables them to walk to other Evil Monsters™ to initiate verbal communication
  • Pens/Pencils and Paper - enables them to write down messages to pass on to other Evil Monsters™, after walking to them
  • Maps - enables them to find the location of other Evil Monsters™, so that they can walk to them and hand over their written messages
  • Rucksacks/Backpacks - enables them to carry all of the above items
  • Paper Money - enables them to buy all of the above items

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eBay scammer steals identity of special agent investigating him

Kane
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Happy

Re: Should have talked to Uncle Owen

He'd have told them never to trust a Jawa

Utinni!

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Coffee fixes the damage booze did to your liver, study finds

Kane
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Pint

Re: Short on the key metrics.

Don't keep it in a metal container...

Mostly Apples, yes?

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French Playmobil heist: El Reg denies involvement

Kane
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Happy

In related news....

...a Lego delivery truck was seen speeding away from the scene of the crime.

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Yes, GCHQ is hiring 1,900 staffers. It's not a snap decision

Kane
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Re: Proud to be part of a Country where ...

Careful with that (tinfoil) hat, Eugene....

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