Cheap discs

Presumably they can just use old copies of Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer

Go home

Well the penalty for getting it wrong was having your balls cut off.

Actually that would make the Catholic Church a much safer place for our children, we should test them all on their Latin.

Certainly

Mcafee : man my neighbour is annoying, wish he was dead

Passing Columbian drug seller : anything for our best customer

lukewarmdog

Well I signed. Sure I'm a non-American but there will be jobs for all. You can't rule space without a supply of Storm Troopers and I really, really, really want to wipe out Jar Jar Banks planet.

If only

A judge would just tell them all to grow up, deny the opportunity to appeal and let the consumer decide which phone they actually want.

Love / hate of a brand is more powerful than design, patents, apps.

Tennis Elbow

"Doctors also complained of suffering from tennis elbow after carrying around a tablet computer."

Erm tennis elbow according to my quick glance at wiki is caused by elbow movement. Carrying something around would not cause this.

I'd also maybe point out that some kind of bag or satchel to put the (obviously extremely heavy) tablet in might help the (obviously extremely weak) doctors alleviate this condition.

Did Alan Hedge hurt himself in any way during the creation of this report?

New ergonomic keyboard icon. Obviously.

Double Standards

Totally agree. I have an intense dislike for shorting and given the nature of the gamble I feel that anyone involved should be locked up irrespective of the outcome.

Population Expansion

Wonder if they'll move from the one child policy to an enforced ten child policy to allow them to colonise everywhere first.

Mounsey

“You may feel that it is trivial, but with 740 employees in my business then if my management team were just to overlook such incidents then quickly it would become a free for all."

So, all of the employees are criminals and the only way to keep them in check is to scapegoat the odd one, now and then? Classism, racism, stereotyping, work place bullying.. won't somebody think about the children?

black hole engineer

I believe someone from British Gas phoned ahead to fix it but they wont hear back about whether anyone is in for quite some time..

When in roam

Was he using Apple Maps to locate Aryanism?

Also I see no proof it was carved from a meteorite and didn't just arrive on our planet this way, looks to me like it was just about to get its coat.

still not big

Look it's not like the Government buildings are situated on opposite galactic arms or that there's some incredibly dense, incredibly hot thing between the guy who has the data and the guy who wants the data. We're not talking about dog and pony operations here. Someone somewhere made the decision to mail - and promptly lose - all that data when they could have cosied up over drinks and nibbles somewhere posh and handed it over.

I had a quick look where both contractors are based. I accept that Australia is large but the contractors are actually relatively close together geographically which makes the actual size of Australia a moot point. Google Maps suggests 1700 - 1800 km between Melbourne (Ladoo) and Brisbane (AUSCert). That isn't so impossibly huge to imagine.20 hours if you like driving or 2 if you get a plane, $90 for an economy ticket.

who?

I once worked in the industry therefore I am immensely qualified to comment on it.

.. not really.. No idea who Lowery is but he has such a vested interest in music making him money that the whole article is pointless. Is he secretly Fergal Sharkey?

There are lots of issues with bands making money, maybe if you're not doing as well as you wanted you should figure out if that's because you're a bit shit and maybe sell your soul to the Kylie-sampled discobeat that will make you oodles of cash.

And for the record I've seen many bands that toured to make money. Senseless Things, Mega City 4, PWEI, Stuffies. The trick is not to have hundreds of techies sucking out all the profits from any given show. And have your own van. Turn up, play, get paid. With the corporate branding of venues of course this may change, in which case the megacorps are the nemesis of "real bands", not downloaders.

Shopping

Unless it's a UFO-sized and shaped mall, you should not be tracked whilst perusing items as diverse as flowers for the wife, flowers for the secret girlfriend, childrens clothes for your kids, adult diapers for when you work away. And you really don't want your phone to tell your wife that your mistresseses inflatable dungeon in a box kit is available from the adult shop just down the hall.

What is needed

Well if the idea is to make each router responsible for what passes through it, on the basis that it is publishing rather than just transmitting on, then content will need to include permission and rules for its retransmission. That's going to be a nightmare for content uploaders.

Freeturd Supporters Rally

Nobody wants to hurt the small software companies or local musicians so, in order to protect them, if we all pledge to <only> watch, listen, read, play and use content from the big providers then the argument becomes moot. Unknown album by never heard of artist that refuses to be allowed to be pigeonholed? Don't download it. Problem solved.

why didn't they take it seriously?

We all know they didn't, and are glad because it wasn't, after all, a real bomb threat. However.. who's call was that? Did they lookup his twitter name, find out his real name, punch it in to get his passport details and find out he was just a white, middle class guy with Christian down as his religion? Cos that's racial profiling.

Or did they just think "you know what, anyone who makes a comment like that publicly doesn't carry it out"

Or is it policy that if it doesn't come to the secret desk, via the secret phone and using the secret identifying phrase, they aren't allowed to take it seriously?

"bomb threat!"

"where?"

"twitter"

"oh nm then"

Lottery

My quantum lottery card is purchased, I will be checking my numbers to make them win come weekend.

fantastic

A fantastic Reg article with the appropriate amount of fantastic Reg Readers Responses.

Big digital thumbs up.

Sunken treasure

But, just think of all the still working watches our future generations will be able to retrieve from the depths thanks to these advancements. These may well go on to become the future time pieces of choice for a generation of poseur space explorers.

For the more budget conscious, the same effect can be achieved by filling a submarine full of watches for future generations to find.

The point

Unsure what the point of this is. Symantec were forced to admit they were hacked and hadn't realised it so +1 for hacking skills. Symantec were blackmailed and brought in the feds. -1 for extortion. Software posted up on mirrors so it couldn't be taken down.. proving the Internet needs the kind of control SOPA/PIPA advocate and the opposite of what we should all be aiming for.

I like Virgin Media

Ever since I took an arrow to the knee and had to spend more time at home, Virgin has been good to me.

Hmm

Were they really the two best examples?

I find it hard to summon any kind of empathy or sympathy for either of those people.

broadband

Don't let BT hear about firing broadband through rock, it would be the ideal traffic shaping. Downloaded too many torrents this month? Granite for you! Been relatively good? Switch to limestone.

The worst thing about bad reporting on science is how smug all the headlines look. Einstein wrong in 6 inch letters? Must be true then. Off to read the Daily Fail to see how they explain it to the common people.

@Ashley Adams

"Facebook really is disgusting"

/signed

NOBODY DIED

He doesn't appear to be being prosecuted for attempted manslaughter or any other made up charge. Thought police do not exist yet.

"two felony counts of transmitting a malicious code"

For which 20 years seems a bit high. Didn't a mobile phone seller release a batch with a virus recently?

Tip for the day

Problem is you ask Apple and they say yes and then change their mind and pull your app.

As for anti-trust, Apple are going to get done at some point. It's America.

um

"competitors should create their own original technology, not steal ours."

Doesn't the article say he didn't create it?

Prior art should include witch doctors and shrunken heads.

@big business

"It means, at the least, hundreds of millions of dollars in lost profits to Apple."

The announcement of a new iPhone early is *such* a shock.. because they don't update it every year.

The idea someone might now put together a better iPhone is also ridiculous. You don't have to be some kind of spy to figure out the roadmap for the iPhone, you don't need access to the latest prototype. The fact is nobody has managed so far, this fiasco hasn't changed anything.

Mard

Why not take their fingerprints? The more biometric data stored nationally, the more chance of catching the guy who burgles your house, stabs your mother and poos in a policemans helmet.

On a more serious note, data on missing persons would be handy to have before they go missing or after you find them but they have amnesia.

Yet Again

A car that allows an MP3 player to be plugged in? RLY?

We have a cassette player and a convertor. About £2.50 for the fake tape / mic jack. What's the premium for your dashboard?

I see some value in typing in "nearest McDonalds" and getting directions to it, with Street View providing the images. However ads for every bloody business as you pass them would be annoying.

Well

How cynical are we that we see this as a non-story? Those were real people with clearly quite shit lives working for a company building Western luxury items. Just because their employer clearly doesn't believe in duty of care shouldn't make us dismiss a real human tragedy. That person can now never own an iProduct. You are all very horrible human beings.

My worry

As a consumer I have no way to check whether my "secured" hardware actually does contain these features or whether those features are in fact secure and don't actually add a backdoor where previously there wasn't one. The concern is with a rogue design team adding microcode but what is to stop it being added by the TN/DW team under Government or other influence?

how..

How can it travel the wrong way? Doesn't it start from one end of a track and just go forwards? There isn't any sideways and there certainly shouldn't be a high speed reverse down open track that ends / starts at important equipment for it to crash into.

"Oops, instead of launching the plane off the ship, we reversed it at launch speeds into the conning tower. How the boys back home will laugh at us."

Kids eh

Makes you wonder why they bother teaching anything really. I mean History - c'mon, it's in the past, who cares. Geography - well there's an app for that. Politics - they're all as bad as each other. English - pfft that's my first language so what do I need to learn? Other languages - pfft let other people learn English.

Of course it could be argued that learning to learn and learning to think are important and that this is what is actually being taught. But then where would that leave commentards eh.

Dooom

No more Brown, no more Mandy, no more Balls, no more Smith.

I for one am glad the witch and his evil monkeys are dead and I didn't even need to drop a house on them.

So that's all of them then

"Windows folks daft enough to follow advice contained in unsolicited email messages"

Hey they already followed advice in unsolicited tv and youtube videos and magazines and on the Internet and installed Windows in the first place.

"The key is .. sticking them all in the bin." Fixt.

actually

Any decent risk management would have determined he just said something stupid. We don't lock people up for saying stupid things under normal circumstances.

But you know what? If I had said something stupid on Twitter and had the police round and was looking at a fine and job loss etc... the first thing to go would be my Twiter account, lesson learned. Apparently not in this case.

Still, at least it got the police out and about and whilst they were dealing with this guy they weren't harrassing any photograhers or performing a stop and search on Mark Thomas just for smiling.

Australian

Everyone knows Australia is upside down being on the opposite side of the world, of course their water works differently.

And apparently the only thing keeping them from drifting off into space is alcohol.

Teh Children!

"We certainly have to consider the environment for our children," adds Jevremovic.

Well thank some higher power that someone is FINALLY thinking about the children.

Let me be the first to welcome our nuclear powered iGods.

Hilarious

This is going to offend so many people. Wonder if the middle East will do another Theo Van Gogh.

Well

I don't see this as a bad thing. Appreciate it doesn't achieve anything per se but it's also not harming anybody, no harm no foul. I'm all for not smoking in films and on tv as well. *shrug*

science is not..

I love fancy dress. Ergo I must love science. However I do not love science.

Ergo Frank Skinner is wrong. Which I've always thought was the case, ever since he claimed to be a comedian which I believe implies you should be funny.

On a side note, just wait til the gate at the Watergate hotel is involved in a scandal.

Watergategategate

well it was

International free comic day.