* Posts by DiViDeD

549 posts • joined 11 May 2007

Page:

Software engineer sobers up to deal with 2:00 AM trouble at mill

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: If not on-call, just don't answer

"Strictly-speaking, that's not the Right Way to behave, of course"

Don't know about that. One of the best call logs I ever read was from an engineer at BP who wasn't on call when the <ahem> call came.

Issue: Noise coming from pager

Base cause: Batteries discovered in pager.

Resolution: Removed batteries from pager.

16
0

UK ISP Sky to make smut an opt-in service from 2016

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

ermm, those filtered categories...

Suicide? by all means

Pornography? certainly

Drug Use? a reasonabĺe position

But file sharing? What's next? Unsettling politics? Greenpeace? Al Jazeera?

Of course I realise that, to Rupert's little mind, file sharing is an anagram of 'filthy evil pirates wot are destroying the livelihood of elderly parasites in suits', but think on.

A filter, on by default, which prevents access to stuff somebody else, somebody unaccountable to anyone, has decided you should not be allowed to read. Does that really sound like a good idea to anyone?

Anyone remember GTA San Andreas? 'All the news the government wants you to hear.'

0
0

After Death Star II blew: Dissecting the tech of Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: You gotta think outside earths commerial bubble.

Didn't Niven have a aimilar device in theKnown Space series? General Products hulls were the only ones worth having, and since there were only 4 models, every big ship was a variant on a 3 or 4.

In the Star Wars universe, I'd expect docking facilities to be designed for the triangular Empire model. Change the design of the ship and it gets harder to dock/link up to power, water, waste facilities, so the design becomes standard so that the yokels on Planet Zaarg know which pipes go where.

4
0

Microsoft beats Apple's tablet sales, apologises for Surface 4 flaws

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Mission impossible...@ Timmy B

There you see the sheer fairness of El Reg coomentards. You simply state that 2 users are happy with their SP4s having been unhappy with both Android and Apple, and you get a mess of downvotes.

Blimey! If you'd said the sun was shining you'd have got downvotes from the anti Solaris crew to boot.

1
0

Confirmed: Turnbull's Innovation Agenda recycles old education programs

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Actually, in the new Turnbull era Brave New World, that would be 'world class and prepared to work for a bowl of rice every other day'.

2
0

Adobe: We locked our customers in the cloud and out poured money

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

@moiety. Gif Animators

Wasn't there a gif animator in PSP in the old Jasc days (before Corel got their claws into it and turned it into the lumbering beast it is today) that eventually got hurled out into the FOSS arena? Animation Shop or somesuch. It's been a long time, but I remember hours of fun with it in the early days (you are on day 837 of your 30 day trial).

Of course, it might be too lightweight for your purposes, and I have no idea where you'd get hold of a copy (archive.org maybe?)

In fact I don't know why I brought it up. As you were.

0
0

Australia's smut-shocked senators seek net censorship (again)

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: At this point

I have to agree any 'everyone I know' evidence is anecdotal at best, but I should add that I get more and more reqyests these days for 'something to stop the buggers spying on me' from people who wouldn't know a VPN from a hole in the road, whatever that tells anyone.

5
0

Australian cops rush to stop 2AM murder of … a spider

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Yeah but have you seen Australian spiders?

Ah the thing about your funnel web is not just the size(Hell, they're still smaller than most humans), but the attitude.

When I pulled back a sofa a couple of years ago to find a funnel web underneath, as a Brit I expected it to scuttle away to seek refuge.

What it did instead was turn to face me, rear up and put its dukes up. You could practically hear the little spidey cry of "Come on then, if you think you're hard enough!".

Needless to say I met the challenge by screaming like a girl, hiding behind my woman and sobbing "You're an Aussie, so it's your spider. You deal with it!" before manfully locking myself in the bathroom.

EDIT: This year we have the added excitement that the extension of the M2 motorway has disturbed hundreds of red bellied snakes whch have picked our street as their favoured refugee destination. Australia. Lovely place, but really wants you dead.

3
0

Thin-lipped chancellor tight-lipped on contractor-nudge-onto-payroll plan

DiViDeD
Bronze badge
Joke

Well, it's somebody's tongue, certainly.

El Reg really needs a joke icon for jokes that should remain silent.

0
0

UK gov sinks £25k into Pi-powered cyberdesk

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Booze Cruise

Ah, brings back memories of the old Halsingborg to Helsingor (sorry- no accents on this stupid tablet!) ferry. We'd pile on around 7 in the morning and spend the whole day on a single ticket bouncing between Sweden and Denmark, drinking that lethal clear Swedish(?) beer at ferry bar prices (about a fifth of bar prices) until the last ferry run docked around 11PM.

On at least a couple of occasions we finished on the wrong side of the water, piling into taxis and drunkenly demanding we be taken to addresses the drivers had never heard of, and, on one occasion, being unceremoniously dumped outside a Danish police station where they ordered us all foid, bunged us, 6 to a cell, into custody for the night, and woke us up with a fabulous breakfast. All before giving us a stern talking to about alcohol (and ferry ticket!) abuse, then presenting us with an eyewatering bill fir their services.

Probably made me the man I am today.

Probably.

3
0
DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Yeah...right...

Can't spill your coffee from one of those ridiculous bloody sippy cups. What with those, the fisher price furniture, adult ball pools in the 'breakout area' and glitter laced hipster beards, the infantilism of society is foing gret guns.

1
0
DiViDeD
Bronze badge

@ My Warlord (with requisite boot quaking)

Oh please! Some people don't recognise innovative and disruptive new business paradigms when it runs up the flagpole right in front of them!

I've ordered 6, but requested additional manacles so the minions don't get any funny ideas. The addition of commode chairs is of course simply a courtesy they provide to all their more discerning suckers^W customers.

Is plywood the new black?

1
0

Judge bins Apple Store end-of-shift shakedown lawsuit

DiViDeD
Bronze badge
Coat

Re: According to reports from Brazilian (and other countries) prisons...

Ah, so you think the goods might be going out the back door via the <ahem> back door, as it were?

0
0

Exam board in 'send all' fail: Hands up who knows what the BCC button is for?

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Does anyone else wince when they see this phrase?

" A superficial review of our procedures has been launched and.." will provide us with the perfect pretext to fire anyone on the IT team who's been annoying us by repeatedly pointing out our email deficiencies.

TFTFY

0
0

Let's get to the bottom of in-app purchases that go titsup

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Old TVs

Pushbuttons?PUSHBUTTONS?

That were luxury. The first TV I remember had a turret control like early automatic washing machines. CLICK!! THUD!!! Instant RSI.

And out of the doG knows how many positions you found, only one worked. No BBC2 and for my formative years, no ITV either.

Bah! Kids today, etc.

2
0

TPP: 'Scary' US-Pacific trade deal published – you're going to freak out when you read it

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Old soup.

"Countries that attempt to 'protect his own shore from fracking' need protecting from themselves."

Sorry, wot?

25
2

Joining the illuminati? Just how bright can a smart bulb really be?

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: No

Well, in our (certainly far from special) home:

10 second fadeout - all our light switches, tap once to fade on/off, twice for immediate on/off, hold to manually dim, same for the remotes.

Porch light - comes on when it detects movement, stays on 30 seconds after movementhas stopped.

Garage lights - come on when the door rolls up. Admittedly, there's a transponder in each car which opens the door as you approach, but hey, if you heve to open a double roller door manually once, you never want to do it again!

Smokealarms - built in lights which come on when the alarm sounds, one at each end of the house and one in the middle.

Doorbell - bloody loud, intercom screen turns on to ahow you who's there

And all of this with technology built into the house in 2004, probably at a cost no higher than the $1,000 or so it would cost to put a 'smart' light bulb in every room, and not an internet connection to be seen.

2
0

Ireland moves to scrap 1 and 2 cent coins

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: backdoor inflation

"If it means we lose the silly '9.99' or '2.49' thing in the supermarkets, "

Unfortunately it doesn't. We've had this in Stralya longer than I've been here and stuff is still priced at X.99. Hell, we even have sofas marked at $2,999.99!

4
0

Nippy, palaver and cockwomble: Greatest words in English?

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Ye Olde Rumpus Room

Pretty much every Australian house is advertised as having a rumpus room. Now I know why they're so popular!

1
0

Playboy drops the butt-naked ladies

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: In Japan it's pretty much

"they pixelate the genitalia. Even some manga has now been outlawed - presumably following the corrosive pressure from the USA's prudes who see sex everywhere"

What? SEX?.In MANGA??

Shirley Not!

0
0
DiViDeD
Bronze badge

@Ledswinger

"the days of desperate schoolboys hoping to find a trucker's discarded jazz mag, and failing that having to resort to the corset pages of the mail order catalogue"

Ah, you went to the wrong school matey. At my school we had Bosse Bengtsson, who could be relied on to bring his summer stash of Color Climax and Rodox mags and 16mm films at the start of each term.

As a result we boys never saw any attraction in Playboy, Penthouse or any of the Great British pretenders.

Of course, it gave us a bizarre idea of what was involved in relationships. Hell, I went round with a vacuum cleaner over my shoulder for years, expecting some scantily clad housewife to offer me a blow job in return for giving her carpets a once over!

0
0

Playmobil cops broadside for 'racist' pirate slave

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Isn't that a sex slave?

Or......

She was only the rear admiral's daughter,

But her naval base was always full of discharged seamen.

Ah, many thanks to ISIHAC! I think this may have been one of Mr Cryer's

0
0

Junk patent ditched in EAST TEXAS

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: It all boils down to money

+1 for taking it down the pub.

I'm just taking these patent applications for opinion, love. See you later.

0
0

'To read this page, please turn off your ad blocker...'

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

You're interfering with BUSINESS,Goddammit!!

With apologies to Douglas Adams:

"Here are the internet people. They're happy, healthy, prosperous. They learn and share together, they band together to get their message out, despite censorship and government restrictions.

In fact, there's only one major problem with them. They're not making money for our business"

"So?"

1
0

Doctor Who returns to our screens next week – so, WHO is the worst Time Lord of them all?

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Just my tuppenny spanner, but

In my experience, every new doctor who has been the worst ever, at least for the first series. The writers are still doing scripts for his predecessor, and the audience is still thinking 'Oh, he's not as good as x, is he?'

I think the exception was Eccleston. We'd been waiting so long, we'd have been happyif he was played by a one legged kezbian midget with a cleft palate.

2
0

Just WHO is hiring a 'Cloud Transformation Director' for £162,000? Actually YOU are

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: "politically astute leader..."

I think the selection process will comprise a couple of old political crusties in the Commons smoking room and will be along the lines od:

"Well, y'know, my youngest gel is looking for something. She was running the PR company I set up - you know, the one we awarded the contract for raising Call me Dave's profile? Well now I've got her this flat in Shoreditch and she's really grasped this IT business. Last week she synced my iPhone for me and only lost half my contacts, so she's a bit of a tech wizard. And £162,000 would be handy for holidays and things. I think she'd be perfect. Another sherry, minister?"

3
0

In redneck heaven, internet outages are the American Way

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Er, that's actually a South Dakota/Minnesota billboard

There's a (possibly apocryphal) story about that. Something along the lines of "Glasgow? That's near London, isn't it? I have a friend in London, his name's John. I guess you know each other, huh?"

2
0

Honor 7 – heir apparent to the mid-range Android crown

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: 16 GB is pointless

Re 16Gb is plenty, I was in that camp until I developed my Cardboard addiction. Those files are HUGE. Which, added to the fact I look a dork with the thing strapped to my head, makes me all the sadder.

Still, it's still the coolest (and cheapest) VR around rught now.

0
0

Ex-HP top aide in the clink for racking up $1m on company credit cards

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Spending limit

I had one of those in the 80s & 90s when I was with a (now defunct) Merchant Bank. When the tube strike was on I used it for taxis, a chartered plane and hotel rooms for our team of 9 people in Amsterdam for weeks, and nobody even raised an eyebrow.

Before you ask, we were all based in Cardiff but working in London Mon-Fri.

It also came in handy when lunching with the currency traders (also now mostly defunct).

0
0

Twenty years since Windows 95, and we still love our Start buttons

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re ?NSFW

Especially since they cut the last two lines of the song in that video.

Kind of like the Photoshopping that removed the cigarette from Paul McCartney's fingers on the Abbey Road picture, but even clumsier.

What was it again? 'Makes a grown man cry, it's making Bill Gates.....' something or other.

4
0

Fancy a mile-high EARJOB? We've had five!

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: @AJames

A guy I work with wears his on the train with no input apart from the noise cancelling. He says it cuts out the background noise enough for him to read in peace.

Horses for courses I suppose.

3
0

'Unexpected item in baggage area' assigned to rubbish area

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Self-scan FTW @ Rusty1

I got finished off with a self service once.

Just saying.

13
0
DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: I must be to young - random bag check

If you want to ensure a 'random' check EVERY time you shop, take a tip from my woman.

In a very busy Sainsbury, in the days when you picked up a scanner on the way in, and scanned stuff as you put it in the trolley, she got a little irritated that there were only 2 (of 8) checkouts manned, while a dozen supervisors stood around discussing hairstyles or TV or whatever, and suggestes they could reduce the long lines by getting off their fat arses and manning the tills.

Four 'random' bag checks in a row later (and this was everything out, reche ked and left for us to pack again), we took t using Safeway down the road.

2
0

Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge+: 4K-positive fun for ... vloggers?!

DiViDeD
Bronze badge
Thumb Up

Wow, just WOW!

I have no idea what 'contraventional charging' is, but it sounds so awesomely cool I feel an overwhelming desire to give ut a go.

Where do I sign up? And do I need to supply my own rubber boots?

1
0

Want Edward Snowden pardoned? You're in the minority, say pollsters

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Sir Runcible Loon I'd like to see a trial.

Matt, Matt.

Delighted as we all are to see you back, applying your incisive wit and cogent objectivity to the issues which so vex those of us possessed of mere mortal abilities, really!

Snowjob? Runcible Loon? Describing HopeX as a Whacktivist convention?

This is not the sort of mindless grandstanding we expect from you.

Oh hang on, THAT Matt Bryant?

As you were.

3
1
DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: I'd like to see a trial.

Actually, a trial wouldn't help. Snowden is guilty of misappropriating and making public confidential data. As the law stands, that is what he would be tried for, and the inevitable verdict would be 'Guilty, throw away the key'

Defendants are not allowed defences in terms of Public Good, or even that the documents revealed unlawful or criminal behaviour. The only evidence the court would consider is whether or not he took the data and whether or not he made it available to unauthorised persons (that's me and thee, basically). It would be a star chamber, and at the end Snowden would be locked away for the rest of his natural.

Yes, it stinks, yes it's a legal process specifically dezigned not only to protect, but to validate and enable the guilty.

Those interested in the subject should seek out a copy of Daniel Ellsberg's excellent HopeX talk on the subject of whistleblowing.

8
0

ANIMALS being CUT UP to make Apple Watch straps

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: fur is murder

I'm waiting for the 'Leather is Murder' campaign where groups of hippies in floral dresses and tie dye T shirts throw red paint over motorcycle gangs. Now THAT will be a news story!

4
0

Boffins: The universe is DOOMED and there's nothing to be done

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Hmmm..... Just time for another bath

See title.

5
0

BOFH: Knitting bobble hats on the steps of the guillotine

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: reminiscent

Reminiscent too of a well known petroleum company (can't say who, but does the phrase 'Flora margarine logo' ring a bell?).

in 1999, the establishment of a Y2K Task Force was seen as a good way to second your dead wood to the Force and then dedicate your time to making sure they didn't have a post millenial job to come back to.

3
0

Big, ugly, heavy laptops are surprise PC sales sweet spot

DiViDeD
Bronze badge
Trollface

Re: Why now?

@Vector, you make a very cogent and reasonable point, but let's face it, who wants to turn a graphics setting DOWN?

Also, where do you put the illuminated case fans and rope lights?

Can't have a gaming rig without cold cathode and blue lights, you know.

4
0
DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Why now?

"once the gamers have their "certified" kit, they've blown their allowances and won't be buying again for a couple of years."

Speaking for myself, and most of the gamers I know, laptops, certified or no, are pretty damn useless for gaming. Also, once you have your workstation (workstation! Hah!) set up, it's time to start upgrading components, just to get a little bit of extra grunt.

Serious gamers don't have an allowance, we have disposable income. And absolute bloody tunnel vision when it comes to spending it.

2 out of 3 sons have developed the same outlook as me. I don't know whether to be proud or terribly afraid. As for Nathan, we don't talk about Nathan. Or his bloody Playstation.

20
2

BOFH: My diary is MINE and mine alone, you petty HR gimps

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: CRT Monitors...

21"?

Huh! I thought I was the dogs bollocks with my 28" Trinitron monitor.

Until it took 3 of us to get it down the steps to the skip. My suggestion we put it on a coaster board, wheel it to the top of the steps, let go and hope for the best was met with rather less enthusiasm than I'd hoped.

Bog knows how they got it there in the first place. I suspect they just trucked it in and built the place around it.

5
0

Windows 10: Buy cheap, buy twice, right? Buy FREE ... buy FOREVER

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Free you say?

I very much doubt that MS has any interest in taking market share from either Apple or Linux, at least in the desktop market. Let's face it - if MS took 100% of Apple's share, it would be a drop in the ocean comared to the current MS share.

Maybe they're counting on taking a bigger slice of the mobile market, but even there people are already pretty entrenched in their existing choice. Perhaps the idea of being able to take their desktop game of Angry Birds with them on their phone might persuade people to get a phone that matches their new desktop, but I rather doubt it.

1
0

HP insists 'we don't have a global dress code' – while deleting one from its website

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: Well, they do get wrinkly, but...........

Let's face it, so do those of us wot wears em!

0
0

Let kids delete their online rants, demand campaigners

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: They do have a point though.

"...we didn't have them recorded for all time and for all the world to see"

You've never met my mum, have you?

2
0

Happy 30th anniversary, Tengen! Your anti-DRM NES chip fought the law, and the law won

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re: I've never owned a console…

Not much to add, except my entire collection of Science Fiction Monthly, evry issue plus the loathsome and thankfully short lived SF Digest.

When I attempted to recreate it some time later, I was in over 500 quid before discovering there were many issues not available at any price.

It didn't help when, some years afterwarda, my mum said I should have got binders for them rather than keeping them in A3 boxes.

Still, at least I still have my Omnis.

0
0

Australian Government hopes to untangle NBN migration mess

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

The Errant Apostrophe

Bloody predictive typing. Actually put the spurious apostrophe in Australians to save me the trouble of fucking the sentence up on my own!

0
0
DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Re:we are still discussing Labor's incompetent NBN implementation.

Aa opposed to the LNP's incompetent installation, of course. It really is time Australian's realised that it simply doesn't matter what colour rosette a weasel is wearing. It's still a weasel. And in most cases, a self serving, incompetent weasel.

1
0

Hacking Team hackers questioned over Hacking Team hack

DiViDeD
Bronze badge

Black hat company may have employed black hats

Who'da thunk?

0
0

Page:

Forums