Well, it's somebody's tongue, certainly.
El Reg really needs a joke icon for jokes that should remain silent.
541 posts • joined 11 May 2007
Well, it's somebody's tongue, certainly.
El Reg really needs a joke icon for jokes that should remain silent.
Ah, brings back memories of the old Halsingborg to Helsingor (sorry- no accents on this stupid tablet!) ferry. We'd pile on around 7 in the morning and spend the whole day on a single ticket bouncing between Sweden and Denmark, drinking that lethal clear Swedish(?) beer at ferry bar prices (about a fifth of bar prices) until the last ferry run docked around 11PM.
On at least a couple of occasions we finished on the wrong side of the water, piling into taxis and drunkenly demanding we be taken to addresses the drivers had never heard of, and, on one occasion, being unceremoniously dumped outside a Danish police station where they ordered us all foid, bunged us, 6 to a cell, into custody for the night, and woke us up with a fabulous breakfast. All before giving us a stern talking to about alcohol (and ferry ticket!) abuse, then presenting us with an eyewatering bill fir their services.
Probably made me the man I am today.
Can't spill your coffee from one of those ridiculous bloody sippy cups. What with those, the fisher price furniture, adult ball pools in the 'breakout area' and glitter laced hipster beards, the infantilism of society is foing gret guns.
Oh please! Some people don't recognise innovative and disruptive new business paradigms when it runs up the flagpole right in front of them!
I've ordered 6, but requested additional manacles so the minions don't get any funny ideas. The addition of commode chairs is of course simply a courtesy they provide to all their more discerning suckers^W customers.
Is plywood the new black?
Ah, so you think the goods might be going out the back door via the <ahem> back door, as it were?
" A superficial review of our procedures has been launched and.." will provide us with the perfect pretext to fire anyone on the IT team who's been annoying us by repeatedly pointing out our email deficiencies.
That were luxury. The first TV I remember had a turret control like early automatic washing machines. CLICK!! THUD!!! Instant RSI.
And out of the doG knows how many positions you found, only one worked. No BBC2 and for my formative years, no ITV either.
Bah! Kids today, etc.
"Countries that attempt to 'protect his own shore from fracking' need protecting from themselves."
Well, in our (certainly far from special) home:
10 second fadeout - all our light switches, tap once to fade on/off, twice for immediate on/off, hold to manually dim, same for the remotes.
Porch light - comes on when it detects movement, stays on 30 seconds after movementhas stopped.
Garage lights - come on when the door rolls up. Admittedly, there's a transponder in each car which opens the door as you approach, but hey, if you heve to open a double roller door manually once, you never want to do it again!
Smokealarms - built in lights which come on when the alarm sounds, one at each end of the house and one in the middle.
Doorbell - bloody loud, intercom screen turns on to ahow you who's there
And all of this with technology built into the house in 2004, probably at a cost no higher than the $1,000 or so it would cost to put a 'smart' light bulb in every room, and not an internet connection to be seen.
"If it means we lose the silly '9.99' or '2.49' thing in the supermarkets, "
Unfortunately it doesn't. We've had this in Stralya longer than I've been here and stuff is still priced at X.99. Hell, we even have sofas marked at $2,999.99!
Pretty much every Australian house is advertised as having a rumpus room. Now I know why they're so popular!
"they pixelate the genitalia. Even some manga has now been outlawed - presumably following the corrosive pressure from the USA's prudes who see sex everywhere"
What? SEX?.In MANGA??
"the days of desperate schoolboys hoping to find a trucker's discarded jazz mag, and failing that having to resort to the corset pages of the mail order catalogue"
Ah, you went to the wrong school matey. At my school we had Bosse Bengtsson, who could be relied on to bring his summer stash of Color Climax and Rodox mags and 16mm films at the start of each term.
As a result we boys never saw any attraction in Playboy, Penthouse or any of the Great British pretenders.
Of course, it gave us a bizarre idea of what was involved in relationships. Hell, I went round with a vacuum cleaner over my shoulder for years, expecting some scantily clad housewife to offer me a blow job in return for giving her carpets a once over!
She was only the rear admiral's daughter,
But her naval base was always full of discharged seamen.
Ah, many thanks to ISIHAC! I think this may have been one of Mr Cryer's
+1 for taking it down the pub.
I'm just taking these patent applications for opinion, love. See you later.
With apologies to Douglas Adams:
"Here are the internet people. They're happy, healthy, prosperous. They learn and share together, they band together to get their message out, despite censorship and government restrictions.
In fact, there's only one major problem with them. They're not making money for our business"
In my experience, every new doctor who has been the worst ever, at least for the first series. The writers are still doing scripts for his predecessor, and the audience is still thinking 'Oh, he's not as good as x, is he?'
I think the exception was Eccleston. We'd been waiting so long, we'd have been happyif he was played by a one legged kezbian midget with a cleft palate.
I think the selection process will comprise a couple of old political crusties in the Commons smoking room and will be along the lines od:
"Well, y'know, my youngest gel is looking for something. She was running the PR company I set up - you know, the one we awarded the contract for raising Call me Dave's profile? Well now I've got her this flat in Shoreditch and she's really grasped this IT business. Last week she synced my iPhone for me and only lost half my contacts, so she's a bit of a tech wizard. And £162,000 would be handy for holidays and things. I think she'd be perfect. Another sherry, minister?"
There's a (possibly apocryphal) story about that. Something along the lines of "Glasgow? That's near London, isn't it? I have a friend in London, his name's John. I guess you know each other, huh?"
Re 16Gb is plenty, I was in that camp until I developed my Cardboard addiction. Those files are HUGE. Which, added to the fact I look a dork with the thing strapped to my head, makes me all the sadder.
Still, it's still the coolest (and cheapest) VR around rught now.
I had one of those in the 80s & 90s when I was with a (now defunct) Merchant Bank. When the tube strike was on I used it for taxis, a chartered plane and hotel rooms for our team of 9 people in Amsterdam for weeks, and nobody even raised an eyebrow.
Before you ask, we were all based in Cardiff but working in London Mon-Fri.
It also came in handy when lunching with the currency traders (also now mostly defunct).
Especially since they cut the last two lines of the song in that video.
Kind of like the Photoshopping that removed the cigarette from Paul McCartney's fingers on the Abbey Road picture, but even clumsier.
What was it again? 'Makes a grown man cry, it's making Bill Gates.....' something or other.
A guy I work with wears his on the train with no input apart from the noise cancelling. He says it cuts out the background noise enough for him to read in peace.
Horses for courses I suppose.
I got finished off with a self service once.
If you want to ensure a 'random' check EVERY time you shop, take a tip from my woman.
In a very busy Sainsbury, in the days when you picked up a scanner on the way in, and scanned stuff as you put it in the trolley, she got a little irritated that there were only 2 (of 8) checkouts manned, while a dozen supervisors stood around discussing hairstyles or TV or whatever, and suggestes they could reduce the long lines by getting off their fat arses and manning the tills.
Four 'random' bag checks in a row later (and this was everything out, reche ked and left for us to pack again), we took t using Safeway down the road.
I have no idea what 'contraventional charging' is, but it sounds so awesomely cool I feel an overwhelming desire to give ut a go.
Where do I sign up? And do I need to supply my own rubber boots?
Delighted as we all are to see you back, applying your incisive wit and cogent objectivity to the issues which so vex those of us possessed of mere mortal abilities, really!
Snowjob? Runcible Loon? Describing HopeX as a Whacktivist convention?
This is not the sort of mindless grandstanding we expect from you.
Oh hang on, THAT Matt Bryant?
As you were.
Actually, a trial wouldn't help. Snowden is guilty of misappropriating and making public confidential data. As the law stands, that is what he would be tried for, and the inevitable verdict would be 'Guilty, throw away the key'
Defendants are not allowed defences in terms of Public Good, or even that the documents revealed unlawful or criminal behaviour. The only evidence the court would consider is whether or not he took the data and whether or not he made it available to unauthorised persons (that's me and thee, basically). It would be a star chamber, and at the end Snowden would be locked away for the rest of his natural.
Yes, it stinks, yes it's a legal process specifically dezigned not only to protect, but to validate and enable the guilty.
Those interested in the subject should seek out a copy of Daniel Ellsberg's excellent HopeX talk on the subject of whistleblowing.
I'm waiting for the 'Leather is Murder' campaign where groups of hippies in floral dresses and tie dye T shirts throw red paint over motorcycle gangs. Now THAT will be a news story!
Reminiscent too of a well known petroleum company (can't say who, but does the phrase 'Flora margarine logo' ring a bell?).
in 1999, the establishment of a Y2K Task Force was seen as a good way to second your dead wood to the Force and then dedicate your time to making sure they didn't have a post millenial job to come back to.
@Vector, you make a very cogent and reasonable point, but let's face it, who wants to turn a graphics setting DOWN?
Also, where do you put the illuminated case fans and rope lights?
Can't have a gaming rig without cold cathode and blue lights, you know.
"once the gamers have their "certified" kit, they've blown their allowances and won't be buying again for a couple of years."
Speaking for myself, and most of the gamers I know, laptops, certified or no, are pretty damn useless for gaming. Also, once you have your workstation (workstation! Hah!) set up, it's time to start upgrading components, just to get a little bit of extra grunt.
Serious gamers don't have an allowance, we have disposable income. And absolute bloody tunnel vision when it comes to spending it.
2 out of 3 sons have developed the same outlook as me. I don't know whether to be proud or terribly afraid. As for Nathan, we don't talk about Nathan. Or his bloody Playstation.
Huh! I thought I was the dogs bollocks with my 28" Trinitron monitor.
Until it took 3 of us to get it down the steps to the skip. My suggestion we put it on a coaster board, wheel it to the top of the steps, let go and hope for the best was met with rather less enthusiasm than I'd hoped.
Bog knows how they got it there in the first place. I suspect they just trucked it in and built the place around it.
I very much doubt that MS has any interest in taking market share from either Apple or Linux, at least in the desktop market. Let's face it - if MS took 100% of Apple's share, it would be a drop in the ocean comared to the current MS share.
Maybe they're counting on taking a bigger slice of the mobile market, but even there people are already pretty entrenched in their existing choice. Perhaps the idea of being able to take their desktop game of Angry Birds with them on their phone might persuade people to get a phone that matches their new desktop, but I rather doubt it.
Let's face it, so do those of us wot wears em!
"...we didn't have them recorded for all time and for all the world to see"
You've never met my mum, have you?
Not much to add, except my entire collection of Science Fiction Monthly, evry issue plus the loathsome and thankfully short lived SF Digest.
When I attempted to recreate it some time later, I was in over 500 quid before discovering there were many issues not available at any price.
It didn't help when, some years afterwarda, my mum said I should have got binders for them rather than keeping them in A3 boxes.
Still, at least I still have my Omnis.
Bloody predictive typing. Actually put the spurious apostrophe in Australians to save me the trouble of fucking the sentence up on my own!
Aa opposed to the LNP's incompetent installation, of course. It really is time Australian's realised that it simply doesn't matter what colour rosette a weasel is wearing. It's still a weasel. And in most cases, a self serving, incompetent weasel.
Australia has postcodes,but they're next to bloody useless. My postcode is 2125. My mate, who lives several k away, in a different suburb, also has the postcode 2125.
The whole of the Sydney CBD and quite a few inner suburbs are all covered by 2000.
It's like someone in Australia Post came back from holiday and said ".. and they have these things called postcodes. Not sure what they're all about, but we'll give em a go, eh?"
"When I jump into the comments I expect it to be rant free and on topic"
You're new around here, aren't you?
There are plenty of plans online. Well worth the effort. Or you can follow the cheap plastic knockoff route like I did.
Cardboard plus a decent bluetooth headset is a great intro to VR. Once you're set upgive VRSE or Sisters a try.
TBH once you try it, you wonder why you'd need to spend €100s on an Oculus or Gear VR. Maybe it's a gimmick and will disappear like 3d TV, but it's still a mind blowing experience and incredibly cheap to try.
"he'll be facing a decade or two in jail if he ever stands trial"
No he won't! There is NO custodial sentence relating to sex by surprise, only a fine if the complaints are proven.
Assange is going to have a hard time avoiding jail time for skipping bail, but he doesn't risk any custodial sentence in Sweden.
Jesus, sometimes it feels like shouting down a wee and waiting for the bloody splash.
Been ther, feel your pain. I did 6 months at a leading US bank, there to improve and (far more importantly) document their investment management 'systems'. I kid you not, multiple billion dollar investments with the fees calculated in Excel because their mainframe couldn't handle non standard fee structures.
It took 2 weeks to fast track a user account, so I couldn't access anything I was supposed to be working on. My manager's solution? "Try to look busy when the BUM is around, otherwise she'll reassign you"
Played a lot of Angry Birds with the sound off.
Well our trajectory .. thingie .. calls for us to errr crash on it, you see. There was a jolly good reason for it at the time. Can't seem to remember what it was now though....
Actually, it's beginning to look like mass extinctions DO occur 'in the blink of an eye'. At least the evidence we'renow unearthing leans towards a series of catastrophic events, sometimes as a combined result of small changes over time, sometimes from an unprecedented and violent 'one off' event (the catastrophic draining of the north american inland sea for example).
That said, even with hindsight it'snot always (or even often!) possible to piece together preceding events to correlate with the later catastrophe.
So we might as well all pick a randome date and yell "We're DOOOOOOOMED!!!". Hell, SOME of us might be right, just by the law of averages, but it doesn't mean any one of us has much in the way of credibility.