* Posts by Peter Clarke 1

193 posts • joined 30 Jun 2009

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Camera-carrying DOLPHIN SPY caught off Gaza

Peter Clarke 1

Arms (Flipper ?) Race

Having honed their tactics by using the Red Alert training simulator, Hamas are now ready to deploy their giant squid against the Israeli Navy.

We will annihilate them!

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Donald Trump dumps on Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg

Peter Clarke 1

Re: Trump's entire campaign...

Don't forget to throw in a pinch of Machete

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All hail Ikabai-Sital! Destroyer of worlds and mender of toilets

Peter Clarke 1
Facepalm

Piddling In The Sink

One would hope you have enough class and breeding to remove the crockery first

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How much of ONE YEAR's Californian energy use would WIPE OUT the DROUGHT?

Peter Clarke 1

Cadillac Desert

Having just read Cadillac Desert by Marc Reisner I can tell you the problem would be less severe if they hadn't badly drained the aquifer. It would've made a great emergency resource. They already have to desalinate (due to over-extraction) the Colorado before it leaves the US and heads into Mexico. All major rivers in S California have at least one dam for reservoirs, some causing major environmental change including nearly killing the salmon fishing industry. Some hare brained schemes have been put forward for water from the Columbia River or even Canada's rivers.

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Reg top tip: Don't have the same name as someone else if you use Facebook's Instagram

Peter Clarke 1

Simple Test

Surely for the Snr Iniesta to have a 'simple' username with no digit attached it must have been set up a while ago. The footballer has an 8 suffix so his must have been set up later. A simple check of account dates should've raised questions. Have accounts 1-7 been similarly grabbed??

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Self/Less: Crap science, eyebrow acting, and immortality for the 1%

Peter Clarke 1

Mix'n'Match

Robocop (and others) for the flashbacks

Dolls House (Joss Whedon TV) for the brain transfer

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Houston Astros 'hack' row: St Louis Cardinals fire their chief scout

Peter Clarke 1

Standard National IT Practice

The Astros have several ex-OPM employees and used their security protocols. I mean, its not as if a government department would be lax about security. Oh, wait ....

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US police to throw big balls in criminals' faces

Peter Clarke 1
Mushroom

Unlisted Add On

A small explosive device triggered by an accelerometer when the bad guy kicks it out of his way

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OPM data breach: Looking at you, China! National Intelligence head stares out Beijing

Peter Clarke 1

Re: Look for major outsourcing real soon now

In a department somewhere in the US Civil Service.

When I told you to cut costs in the Employee Administration Budget I didn't mean use overseas contractors. Now go and get that DVD back from the guys you sent it to before anyone notices.

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Hey Apple - what's the $178bn for? Are you down with OTT?

Peter Clarke 1

Old TV Show

If OTT is making a comeback from the 80s will Chris Tarrant still be hosting it??

Betcha doing the full body poses- Google/youtube if you don't remember it

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Jaguar F-Type: A beautiful British thoroughbred

Peter Clarke 1

Paint Contract

I want to be in with the supplier for British Racing Green paint. At £700 extra it must be good stuff

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Antarctic boffins hope stratospheric gravity wave hunter returns to Earth

Peter Clarke 1
Alien

Obligatory Film Referenece

Searching for some THING buried in the Antarctic- what could possibly go wrong?

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Sneaky Russian hackers slurped $15 MILLION from banks

Peter Clarke 1
Alert

New Targets

With the Rouble taking a tumble in value I think they might be avoiding Russian banks

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Don't panic, US Navy has only deployed a ROBOT SHARK (but where are the lasers?)

Peter Clarke 1
Mushroom

Re: Does it need more guns?

If it deploys limpet mines then they could only be named Ramoras.

Obvious icon

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What a pity: Rollout of hated UK smart meters delayed again

Peter Clarke 1

Re: they say £200

You got the 2028 currency wrong- it will be in Yuan

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TalkTalk email goes titsup FOR DAYS. Cheapo telco warns: Changing password WON'T fix it

Peter Clarke 1

I had noticed the Home page was slow to load or falling over on Fri/Sat. Strangely, my legacy email with LineOne and Tiscacli domains have worked faultlessly. I'm dreading the day they stop supporting them

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Webcam hacker pervs in MASS HOME INVASION

Peter Clarke 1

Anti-spying Device

Two extremely effective anti-spying devices are available. One comes in 10m lengths in various colours, the other only comes in blue or white.

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Bendy, but hangs loose too: Lenovo Yoga Tablet 2 10-inch Android tab

Peter Clarke 1

One Omission

As someone who uses a Playbook for catch up TV on the smaller bedroom TV, the lack of HDMI means no sale. It might also be the same for anyone showing presentations in the workplace

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Sway: Microsoft's new Office app doesn't have an Undo function

Peter Clarke 1

Demographic

So which Demographic is it aimed at? Adult? Teen? Pre-teen? Brain Dead? I'm-driving-but-I-have-this-great-idea?

When will The Register be adopting this in the Comments???

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Xbox hackers snared US ARMY APACHE GUNSHIP ware - Feds

Peter Clarke 1

Re: Good Stuff

A bit harsh if you don't want a delivery by Amazon in Arizona

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Apple, FBI: YES we're, er, looking into the NAKED CELEBRITY PICS. Aren't you?

Peter Clarke 1
Paris Hilton

My Misunderstanding

This is a NEWS story? I thought it was publicity for the Cameron Diaz film Sex Tape???

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Anonymous wifi the latest casualty of Russia net neurosis

Peter Clarke 1

Re: Not just Russia

Is that the British way? Make a series of 'security' recommendations until most large companies follow them, then 'We'll just tidy this up with a new law'

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Manhattan drone pair cuffed for NYPD chopper near miss

Peter Clarke 1
Black Helicopters

Appropriate Action

If it really was a threat then why didn't they take it out with the chin mounted mini-gun??

You mean Blue Thunder isn't a documentary???

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Is there too much sex and violence on TV?

Peter Clarke 1

New Category Needed

Where do we complain for programmes that insult our intelligence???

Replies linking intelligence and telly watching following in 5 - 4 - 3 ........

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British and European data cops probe Facebook user-manipulation scandal

Peter Clarke 1
Alert

Never Forget

On Facebook YOU are the product and the advertisers are the customers

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How practical is an electric car in London?

Peter Clarke 1
Coat

Re: On Street Parking

I know some people put extremely loud systems in their car but to ban In Car Entertainment is a bit draconian.

Oh, wait ...

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Scott McNealy to caddie for 18-year-old son at US Golf Open

Peter Clarke 1

Re: Maverick?

Maybe a friend of Senor Vinales. He openly admits to being a fan of the film. His son is going great guns in Moto 2

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James Bond producers sign on for Edward Snowden movie

Peter Clarke 1

Plot Line

He's a computer nerd who gets the content of the NSA computer into his head. He's protected by two agents, one a very sexy blonde. He spends his time foiling dastardly plots by the evil organisation inside the CIA/NSA.

Oh, wait, the writers want the script for Chuck back!!

Mmmmm, Yvonne Strahovski on the big screen- I'd pay to see that

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$180,000 buys you lunch with Tim Cook as charity auction ending

Peter Clarke 1

Surprise For Tim

If Tim thinks he's heard the last from Carl Ichan then he's mistaken. There won't be any making faces to the flunkies when they have to meet face to face instead of on the phone.

Now, Tim, about that deal I proposed .........

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Yosemite National Park bans drones

Peter Clarke 1
Coat

Future Bans

Do plans for the future include a ban on jet boots and shuttle craft????

Oh, wait.....

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Monkey steals iPod touch, loses interest in minutes

Peter Clarke 1
Happy

Further News ....

The keepers are puzzled by an unexpected delivery of bananas and other exotic fruit by the local supermarkets on-line division

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Apple to grieving sons: NO, you cannot have access to your dead mum's iPad

Peter Clarke 1

Re: Worse to come...

Wasn't that the nub of the false Bruce Willis story a year or two ago??

I would've thought Apple would be able to tally the iPad serial number to the iTunes account in a few clicks. Never mind the courts, go straight to BBC Watchdog and have it plastered across prime time TV then see just how quick it gets sorted

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NYPD dons Google tech specs: Part man. Part machine. All Glasshole

Peter Clarke 1

Obligatory Robocop quote

Who care if it works? Think of the spares and maintenance contracts!

Never a truer word spoken by Dick Jones, VP Omni Consumer Products

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NASA probe orbiting Moon sights ANOTHER SPACECRAFT

Peter Clarke 1
Coat

Picture Enhancement

In the early CSI episodes they used the phrase 'I have a friend at NASA with an algorithm that will clean this up'

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Good news: 'password' is no longer the #1 sesame opener, now it's '123456'

Peter Clarke 1
Coat

Password Length

On one site I tried to use PENIS.

It told me it wasn't long enough

I like to get these old jokes back out into the community

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Snowden docs: NSA building encryption-cracking quantum computer

Peter Clarke 1
Big Brother

Who'll be using it

It will be all right unless all this computing power falls in to the hands of people we can't trust.

Oh, hang on a minute .........

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Aussie boffins can detect orbiting SPACE JUNK using rock gods' radiation

Peter Clarke 1
Mushroom

Not Possible in the UK

...... when (if?) we go over to DAB! Who would have thought the dross that passes for the majority of UK radio could be the savior of space tavel

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Facebook makes Adobe fans change their horrible, horrible passwords

Peter Clarke 1
Coat

Go All The Way

Facebook might as well go all the way and insist on changing your password every month. Just think of the amount of work that will get done when people can't remember their new password and can't log in to FB :)

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The TRUTH about mystery Trojan found in SPAAACE

Peter Clarke 1

Re: Bah!

I would have thought anyone clever enough to go to the ISS would voluntarily have all their data storage scanned. Knowing you've just borked the atmosphere scrubber whilst sorting your mp3s should focus the mind.

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Obama to Merkel: No Americans are listening to you on this call

Peter Clarke 1
Big Brother

Equal Opportunities

Did the German spooks find out their leader was compromised when they sifted through the data provided to them by the NSA???

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You thought slinging Photoshop into the cloud would fail? Look who's laughing NOW

Peter Clarke 1

Turn the Dial

When will they do a Google and turn up the dial on the machine to generate a higher return per customer to compensate for this drop in revenue??

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Doctors face tribunal over claims of plagiarism in iPhone app

Peter Clarke 1
Mushroom

Biggest Worry

They're not bothered about being struck off by the BMI, they're most worried about the punishment Apple will dish out for a false review!!!

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Obama proposes four-point plan to investigate US data spooks

Peter Clarke 1

Another Yes Minister Quote

What;s the point in having an inquiry if you don't already know the outcome?

Same old, same old ...

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BYOD for our staff? 'Career limiting' move, says Dell exec

Peter Clarke 1
Big Brother

BYOD desire

I thought biggest proponentsof BYOD were the senior managers who had brought their son/daughter to work and had an ESSENTIAL need to access Facebook/Twitter/Youtube/BBM

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Apple can't dump Samsung, it needs those iPad displays – report

Peter Clarke 1
Coat

Re: new format

Samsung or LG ?????

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Silicon Valley Cisco reseller charged with $37 million fraud

Peter Clarke 1

My Fair Share

Looks like an (ex?)employee wasn't getting what they considered their cut. A bit hard on the employees who weren't in on the shceme

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Star Wars missile intercept fails for fifth year running

Peter Clarke 1

OCP

Who cares if it works? Think of the spares and maintenance contracts for years to come

Dick Jones, VP Omni Consumer Products

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Intel rumored to plunk $10bn down for Israeli fab expansion

Peter Clarke 1
Facepalm

Re: they deserve it

Fairly sure that non-kosher bacon was not involved

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REVEALED: Google's GINORMOUS £650m London Choc Factory

Peter Clarke 1
Facepalm

Retro Look

Looks like 9 60s/70s TV sets on end. Not even widescreen

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Reseller Computacenter LITERALLY smokes out squatters from offices

Peter Clarke 1
Flame

Re: That trick could be dangerous

No mention is made of whether the Fire Brigade attended. I hope Computacenter were charged (monetarily and legally) if they did

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