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* Posts by CaptainBlue

56 posts • joined 30 Jun 2009

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'Leaked' iPhone 6 pics will make cool fanbois WEEP - it's a PHABLET

CaptainBlue
FAIL

I hope not

A Fanboi writes:

Jeez I hope it is faked: the 5S is about as large a phone as I want: it still fits in one of the inside pockets on my suits and also fits in my jeans pockets.

If I want a larger screen, there's my iPad Mini. Anything larger and there's the iPad or the MacBook and any real work can be done on the iMac.

Phablets? No: they're for those female types or the impoverished*...

*that's a joke, BTW

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Firms fined $350,000 after yogurt sting uncovers review rigging

CaptainBlue
Trollface

Not Showing in Web Searches

So how did you find me?

Durr!

Still, while the Internet is full of stupid people who'll believe that they're removing the word 'gullible' from the dictionary, these spammers and scammers will make a fast buck.

Maybe that's a storyline for GTA VI? </finger on the pulse>

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One of last few iPhone 5Ss STOLEN from within MASSIVE POLICE CORDON at Apple Store

CaptainBlue

Planning

I love the way they already had the signs printed and waiting

42
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Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it ... Win Phone 8? No, it's APPLE'S iOS 7

CaptainBlue
FAIL

Windroid

I'm not a fan of the new look: like the bastard lovechild of Windows 8 and Android. It's as though we are all children and need to have pretty icons with easy to understand letters.

More irritating is IOS7's inability to use your own wallpapers as they did on IOS6, so they're zoomed in which means that my lovely photographs are cropped on my personal iPhone 5 and our corporate logo has lost the left bank of shapes and the last letter of the company name.

Why?

Also there's an irritating delay from trying to do anything from a blank screen whilst the lock screen slowly comes into sight. I want the screen to come on immediately thanks.

0
0

Child porn hidden in legit hacked websites: 100s redirected to sick images

CaptainBlue

Wordpress Hacks

I'm amazed at the number of attempts to hack my WP blogs to endeavour to either add malicious script to the PHP files or to add completely new scripts/files to spread the spam/malware/KP/whatever.

And it's not just Eastern European IP addresses either - that's cyclical.

5
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Posh potty owners flushed by dodgy Bluetooth password

CaptainBlue

Why do they call you "donkey"?

"the toilet seat bite you in the ass"

Why would you have your donkey with you in the toilet? You can lead a horse to water, but this is ridiculous ... or is the journo a Merkin?

1
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BT earmarks super-speedy 300Mbit/s broadband for 50 exchanges

CaptainBlue
FAIL

"I'll save you some time, it's London."

I sincerely hope so: I live in Rotherhithe, SE16 on the Thames overlooking Canary Wharf (and Telehouse).

The best I can get is 370kbps from any provider as all I have is a skinny bit of copper and an exchange miles away as the cable lies. For this reason, I've now given up on wired broadband and gone to tethering over 3G for my connectivity.

I would willingly pay for fast broadband - cable, fibre or unicorn drool - but no-one offers the service.

0
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Windows 8.1: So it's, er, half-speed ahead for Microsoft's Plan A

CaptainBlue
FAIL

Charms Bar

What the hell is a charms bar? Some sort of dreary singles club?

Jeez...

3
0

Setanta, ESPN couldn't make UK footie TV work. How will BT Sport?

CaptainBlue
FAIL

Broadband? If only...

I'm a tad peeved about the MotoGP, especially as BT can't be bothered to:

a) install fibre in SE16 where I am (overlooking Canary Wharf and Telehouse); and

b) provide decent wired alternatives.

Yes, I'm only able to get around 400kbps at best with any ISP due to BT's crappy infrastructure.

0
0

Next from Microsoft: 'Blue', the Windows 8 they hope you don't hate

CaptainBlue
Stop

Blue?

What's my IP lawyer's number?

0
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Movie, TV ads annoying? You ain't seen nothin' yet

CaptainBlue
FAIL

Refreshing the parts other beers cannot reach

Like my eyes. I wasn't aware of any Heineken product placement in Skyfoal so it must have failed the memorable test. Unlike Audi in I, Robot.

0
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Official: Sky to buy O2 and BE's home broadband product in £200m deal

CaptainBlue
FAIL

3

Yes, I am now relying on a Personal Hotspot and 3 as I am in the wilderness that is Rotherhithe - directly opposite Canary Wharf - with a quaint 387kbps broadband offering from O2.

Given that we can't get fibre-optic or other cable service here, I'm reliant upon the BT line and the crap line speed. With O2 at least I'm not paying much for it.

Sky will no doubt offer more and deliver less whilst charging more...

0
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‘That’s not art’ says Apple as it pulls nudes from AppStore

CaptainBlue
WTF?

It Depends On How Big You Are...

So Tumblr and Flickr apps are absolutely fine then, but 500px isn't?

I see...

http://500px.com/RHMPhotographic

0
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Grinchy Google to shut down another batch of services

CaptainBlue
FAIL

Sigh

I rely on Google Calendar and ActiveSync to combine my work diary and private diary in one place. Nothing else seems to do the trick properly.

And I too like iGoogle as my default home page. I think they're shooting themselves in the foot with lost ad revenues as I will have to use a different portal from now on.

10
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Harley allows Apple to use 'Lightning' brand on 'playthings'

CaptainBlue
FAIL

Re: "is Apple thinking of making iPod docks for hogs?"

Acksherly, the acronym "HOG" was only used when H-D decided to work on their lifestyle offerings, setting up an official entity for lawyers, stockbrokers and accountants rather than actual patch wearers. The moniker dates back to the 20s: see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harley-Davidson#Origin_of_.22Hog.22_nickname

0
1

Woz labels Apple 'arrogant' over iPhone size inadequacy

CaptainBlue
Gimp

Size Isn't Everything

As I keep telling girlfriends.

If the iPhone 5 was as big as that Samsung Galaxy S III I wouldn't have bought one. The 5 is as big as I want my mobile phone, thanks. If I want more screen size I can go for an iPad, Netbook or laptop, thanks. The 5 fits in my jeans and suit pockets and is lightweight and thin so it wins.

Any larger and I wouldn't buy one.

0
2

Apple iOS 6 review

CaptainBlue
Thumb Up

Bluetooth

Finally they've moved Bluetooth on/off to the main Settings list rather than yet another touch below.

1
0

Google acts against prostitution app after complaints from Congress

CaptainBlue
Joke

Mail-Order Brides

My wife doesn't understand me: one of the drawbacks of mail-order brides.

My previous one got lost in the post and the one before that was broken when it arrived, having suffocated on the bubble wrap.

1
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Apple 'hasn't really run out of iPhone 5s AT ALL'

CaptainBlue
Facepalm

Re: I feel used...

I just feel dirty at the thought of fondling mine ... which has slipped two weeks...

0
0

Apple admits iCloud 'unacceptable', vows to not go titsup again

CaptainBlue
WTF?

Synchronicity

"The release of iOS 6, which powers Apple's handheld stuff, will spark a significant increase to iCloud traffic: the fruity devices will synchronise photos, music and other files automatically with the online storage system."

Erm, that's already the case?

3
0

Apple threatens to ruin peace worldwide with voice-controlled iMacs

CaptainBlue
FAIL

"I don't understand 'danger'"

That's what Siri says when I say "change it", usually after texting my girlfriend to suggest she should "Call hot Debby xxx" instead of whatever innocuous message I'd actually dictated. Sadly, I don't even know a hot Debby...

0
0

Apple's first batch of iPhone 5 preorders sold out in an hour

CaptainBlue
FAIL

ORLY?

I pre-ordered mine this morning. Apple Store reported delivery date of 21 September. Order acknowledgement simply says "October"...

0
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The world's first Windows Phone 8 hands on – what's it like?

CaptainBlue
Meh

Phone?

But would it actually fit on your pocket? How does it compare to a Jesusphone?

5
2

Asus CEO sounds netbook death knell

CaptainBlue
Unhappy

Pity

I bought a Samsung NC10 at the airport once when I realised my gf wouldn't be able to use my lappy whilst I was in meetings (durr) and it was one of the best purchases I made. Compact and lightweight with lots of battery life and fine for Facebook, e-mail and web stuff of an evening with the occasional leap into work documents. And without the drawbacks of an iPad (before anyone says "iPad").

1
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Office 2013 to offer one-off apps on demand

CaptainBlue
FAIL

Internet Streaming

...excellent if you have a decent connection. I'm in the sticks - er, Rotherhithe, SE16, actually - with a massive 400kbps connection. Downloading Office components every time I want to work on a document doesn't exactly make me moist...

0
1

Facebook shares hit all-time low

CaptainBlue
Thumb Up

You like this

I obviously had to click the Like button...

0
0

iPhone 4 incapable of handling Siri, says chip chap

CaptainBlue
FAIL

http://www.richardhmorris.com/2011/12/22/siri-arse-lee/ for my take on the actual benefit of Siri

0
0

'Apple's iPhone 4S ate our SIM cards'

CaptainBlue
FAIL

Confirmed

I have had this happen a few times since mine arrived last week.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again" does indeed temporarily restore connectivity.

1
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The Great Smartphone OS Shoot-out

CaptainBlue
FAIL

iTunes Match

...doesn't look like it'll be available in the UK:

http://www.crass-stupidity.com/2011/11/08/apple-itunes-match-and-icloud/

0
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Half of Virgin Media broadband ads are wrong, says ASA

CaptainBlue
FAIL

2Mbps? I should be so lucky!

I'm in London - Rotherhithe overlooking Canary Wharf - and can only get 400kbps. No cable option, no fibre optic option. Rubbish!

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'Lion' Apple Mac OS X 10.7: Sneak Preview

CaptainBlue
Gimp

"...known informally as Lion..."

Given that Apple call it "OS X Lion" on their website, I'd think that was pretty formal...

0
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Dear Mr Beefy ex-soldier: Your BT needs you

CaptainBlue
Joke

Pay Per View?

So we'll soon be seeing lots of streaming content of beefy blokes "laying pipe"?

Oh and:

"BT Infinity is not currently due to be rolled out in your area."

My area is London, opposite Canary Wharf!

2
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Google intros video chat on Android

CaptainBlue
FAIL

@Mouse

No charge/bundle usage?

I just wish Apple would change FaceTime to support 3G/4G as my 3G connection at home is far faster than my crappy 400kbps "broadband" connection. This is London, by the way...

0
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Australians can’t read or count

CaptainBlue
Coat

Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, Please

Don't worry, Aussies, the till at the pub you're working in will do the maths for you.

1
0

Apple plays cloud catch-up

CaptainBlue
FAIL

One Cloud on the Horizon

I live in central London but have at beast a measly 500kbps "broadband" connection. In Epsom and in Norfolk - where I spend a lot of time - my 3 and previously Vodafone connections were laughable: about enough for a conversation and not really anything else.

So as others have commented, why would I want to rely on flaky 3G and/or a piss-poor cabled connection to play content I've built up over the years from various sources? And pay for the 'privilege' too?

0
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Spaniards bemoan 'joke' speed limit cut

CaptainBlue
Go

Relaxing? {Snore}

That's why rumble strips were introduced in the US to coincide with the 55mph limits: motorists were falling asleep. My attention is much better exceeding the limit than it is in lower/reduced limit areas. Not stressed, just more alert and therefore safer.

3
2

Steve Jobs unveils iPad 2

CaptainBlue
Go

iOS4.3

I agree with my learned friend: it looks as though they're talking about tethering iPads to iPhones?

http://www.apple.com/uk/ios/

0
0

US Secret Service tabletop training toytown goes virtual

CaptainBlue
Pint

Release Date?

When is it coming out on Xbox?

0
0

iPhone alarm bug: now it's the UK's turn

CaptainBlue
FAIL

You're Doing It Wrong

Apparently. Yes, I still have a recurring weekday alarm that's going off one hour later than it should. I want my iPhone to adjust automatically so the "workaround" is pants. As is setting one every day before I go to bed. As is having to set the alarm to the wrong time for recurring ones and the right time for individual alarms. I would have thought Apple could afford to pay for decent coders...

0
0

Apple to lead fanbois 'Back to the Mac'

CaptainBlue
Heart

Languid or Languishing?

"the rumored upgrade to the languishing MacBook Air"

Perhaps it was fortunate that I didn't proceed to checkout with the 'accidental' MacBook Air purchase yesterday then?

0
0

Apple kills browse-and-get-hacked bugs in iOS

CaptainBlue
Alert

How big?

According to iTunes presently, the download for my iPhone 4 is 579.3MB

0
0

iPhone 4: And now we are 3 (Mobile)

CaptainBlue
Paris Hilton

How Long?

The reason I went for their (micro)SIM-only deal for the iPhoney 4 was that it's a 12 month contract rather than 18 or 24 month offering they're doing. It meant buying direct from Apple so I got my Doris one too so we could See The Light with Facetime - hers is on their 1 month rolling contract - it's also here that the 3 to 3 bundle comes into its own.

Paris, because of what we'll use Facetime for

0
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Apple Store shut to add updated desktops

CaptainBlue
Stop

Damned Inconsiderate

It means I can't check order status on my two Judasphones and peripherals, not price up a MiniMac and peripherals to see if it's viable.

0
0

UK.gov abandons 2012 rural broadband pledge

CaptainBlue
FAIL

I live in Rotherhithe...

...and my broadband speed is a heady 700kbps. w00t

0
0

Vodafone sticks universal mail in shredder

CaptainBlue
WTF?

What important message?

I got the same text message, logged into my vodafone.net account and saw ... the one and only message I'd had in there for a year and a half...

0
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Middle-aged sex is crap: Official

CaptainBlue
Coat

Your Mileage May Vary

I shall join the smug mode: I left my wife when I was 47 and for the past year or so, having met and moved in with a woman who models part-time, I can honestly say my sex life is incredible.

0
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Hands on with Nokia's flagship N8

CaptainBlue
FAIL

ORLY?

"Since almost everyone has had a bad experience of unprotected lenses..."

Does anyone actually own an original N97 which *doesn't* have scratches across the lens from the so-called protective cover?

1
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New wave of superphones poised to challenge iPhone 4

CaptainBlue
FAIL

Hands-free?

Do Android phones actually work with Bluetooth hands-free car kits yet?

0
0

Web2.0rhea eclipses search in UK

CaptainBlue
Paris Hilton

Is it just me...

...or does that graph look like a profile of an erect penis?

Paris, because she could probably tell

0
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Apple sells 2m iPads to hungry fanbois

CaptainBlue
Thumb Up

Take it back. No, *you* take it back

I mustard mitt to having been distinctly underwhelmed by the concept of the iPad, being a Tablet PC and netbook user by day and an iMac user by night.

At a photoshoot over the weekend, the tog showed me his (fnarr) and was waxing lyrical about being able to whip it out (fnarr) and fire up a portfolio instantly before handing it to the punter to let them view it in an animated book sort of way.

I may be wrong after all.

With long battery life and apps that can create a daily newspaper from your RSS feeds before you set out, checking your e-mail on the way, etc. and being able to do shite with images when you're out and about, there may well be a lot going for these things...

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