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* Posts by The Grump

147 posts • joined 30 Jun 2009

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Windows XP is finally DEAD, right? Er, not quite. Here's what to do if you're stuck with it

The Grump
Windows

So sorry...

I switched from XP to Vista, then Win7 - and I have been sorry that I switched ever since. After XP, MS ripped out the functionality that enabled XP to remember the size and position of every program window I ever used. Vista and Win7 just opens program windows wherever the hell it wants to. Sorry user - FU from Microsoft. So MS can take Win8 and shove it so far up where the sun doesn't shine, that they can taste it. It's almost - ALMOST - enough to make me try Lenux, or Linus - whatever. I just want something that works right. (FYI - regular guy with no programming experience whatsoever. Yeah, ah jes presses da buddons, en da computer does stuff, duh).

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Internet is a TOOL OF SATAN that destroys belief, study claims

The Grump
Pint

No Gods, No Kings, just men

Basically, religion and government are the same thing. "Believe in me, and good things will come your way" can be heard not only from churches, mosques, synagogues, etc., but from almost every politician on the planet. Here in the states, we have a man called Obama who desperately wants to be a God. "Pray to me, do EXACTLY what I say, and good things will come your way". Obama isn't the only God wannabe - all politicians wish people everywhere would just OBEY them. The US founding fathers knew this - that is why they tried to keep the US government as minimal as possible.

Religion was founded originally to give the poor people of various towns and kingdoms who had nothing to lose - something to lose if they misbehaved - their immortal soul. A brilliant invention, now the peons had to behave, or risk a one way trip to hell, hades, etc. You cannot disprove the existence of a soul, so now churches had the perfect racket to make big bucks - until the internet. Weren't "round earthers" prosecuted by the church back in the day?

I lost my religion while raised as a Methodist Christian. Cracks began to form when they told me that Rock and Roll music was "the devil's music". Then they couldn't tell me why dinosaurs weren't in the Bible, after the existence of dinosaurs was proven without a doubt. No "a great lizard swallowed the third brother of Issac" or anything like that. Another crack in my belief. Finally, after years of watching these so-called "Christians" acting like jerks while patting themselves on the back for being so "holy" - my belief finally shattered, once and for all.

God doesn't answer prayers anymore. I bet Anne Frank was praying her little butt off for the Nazi's to not find her - we all know how well that worked. Try praying for the Sun to rise in the west and see what you get. The truest thing I ever heard about religion is - "God helps those who help themselves". Even Jesus knew if he stepped off that mountain that God wouldn't catch him. Smart guy! God will also not help - your team win - your uncle to recover from cancer - you win the lottery - or make your beer any colder. I have relegated God to the same bin of mythical characters as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Government "help". Believe in yourself. NEVER believe in religion OR politicians. YOU are the only one you can truly trust. Oh yeah - believe in beer, and all the women in the bar will look more attractive. It's a miracle !

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Homeopathic remedies contaminated with REAL medicine get recalled

The Grump
Flame

If only the FDA would...

allow optional testing of these so-called "all natural" miracle cures, there would be no doubt what works and what doesn't. I mean, don't expect the floodgates to open at the FDA - very few homeopathic product manufacturers would volunteer their "products" for testing. Right now, they can hide behind the FDA's statement that the FDA doesn't test "food supplements" - that's how they classify these all natural products. That's fine with the Homeopathic Industry - they can finance their own "clinical trials", bought and paid for with the understanding that the result will be favorable, with enough legalese to skirt any legal requirements.

If the cure says "all natural" - save your money, and maybe your life. Like cocaine, God knows what they cut their pills with. I wouldn't put that in MY body.

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Hey frumious Reg gamers: BANG-or-SNATCH? We look at Second Son and Thief

The Grump

Re: Silly question

Hey dogged, I hope you never played Descent. That was the only game that made me ill while playing. 360 degree, 1st person flight, no "up" or "down", and enemies coming from all directions. I eventually shelved the game as unplayable (at least for me).

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As WinXP death looms, Microsoft releases its operating system SOURCE CODE for free

The Grump

XP was superior...

because it remembered where your program windows were positioned when you closed them, and would seamlessly reopen them in the same place on your screen. Vista and 7 reopen program windows pretty much wherever they want, and tend to cascade windows on top of each other. Win 8 - why would I bother ? Since Vista and 7 are crap, and Win 8 appears to be even crappier, why would I pay good money for another bad OS ? I had to "upgrade" [sarcasm in quotes] to Win 7 in order to use software that wasn't compatable with XP. But I miss XP every time I have to rearrange my program windows.

I can't wait to throw a "Microsoft Is Bankrupt" party, after Redmond comes out with Win 9, which will use eye movement to move the cursor, and click when you blink. As the WIN8 fanboi's say - you just have to adapt to it. I hope you don't have to blink too often. Eyes hurt? Itching? Red? Don't blink. DON'T BLINK. Oh crap - you blinked, and just deleted 4 hours of work.

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This changes everything: Microsoft slips WinXP holdouts $100 to buy new Windows 8 PCs

The Grump

"An OS too far..."

"How Windows 8 nearly ruined Microsoft". Look for it in hard cover and paperback at your local bookstore next Christmas. I guess Microlimp never learned the lesson of "New Coke" - ask the consumer if they actually want it before you shove it down their throats. Win XP remembers where I closed program windows, and reopens them in the same place. Does Vista - no. Does Win7 - no. Does Win8 ? After being burned by Vista and 7, why would I burn myself again ? Win XP works. Win 8 is bollocks. Nuff said.

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Eight hour cleansing to get all the 'faggots' and 'bitches' OUT of Github

The Grump

Fags !

I hate fags. Fags are an annoying, unsightly blight upon the world. They just lie there, ruining an otherwise quaint city street view with their hideous appearance. I would approve of ridding the world of fags, but the huge amount of fags would require incinerators running day and night, to rid the world of all of them. Yes - fags ( the unused end of a cigarette or cigar) are disgusting.

---------

See - I could not have wrote this completely inoffensive paragraph with groups line "Ethical Conduct" running the grammar police. My policy is - "If anything I say or do offends you, please don't hesitate - be offended. Just don't unload your emotional baggage on me".

And what is "being offended"? It means you get to try to dictate the speech or actions of another person, based on your emotional sensitivities. Look, if I get the facts wrong, like spelling a certain metal used in soda cans as "alumimen", I will apologize. As for matters of my opinion, it's MY opinion, and my opinion doesn't change because your itty-bitty hurt feelings were hurt. That's YOUR problem. not mine. Have a nice day.

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NYPD dons Google tech specs: Part man. Part machine. All Glasshole

The Grump

But do they help with IFF (Identify Friend / Foe) gun targeting ?

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Friends don't do tech support for friends running Windows XP

The Grump

WIN 95?

What about WIN 95 support? Will I be able to play my copy of Keef the Thief on Win 8?

Just kidding, but it makes the point. We are talking about computer OS's here - not game consoles. When the latest hot console comes out, and you find out it won't play the old games, you have to buy new games. No business wants to replace their WIN XP dedicated software, just to get MS's new shiny OS.

I would love to see a all-versions version of Windows, with versions of 7, XP, even 95, that run in a sandbox, with perfect emulation of the old OS's. Why is the phrase "backward compatability" such a taboo subject at MS?

And about WIN8 - touch screens and fried chicken are a bad combination.

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Terminator-style robot busts leg in martial arts demo mishap

The Grump
Joke

I've...got a headache.

The sexbot industry has a long way to go, if this is an example of current tech. It has the "lying there" part down pat, but the "looking pretty" part? Ehhh...NO. Not if were the last bot on Earth. Clearly, DARPA has the wrong priorities when it comes to "supporting our troops". I believe our entire military would applaud ATTRACTIVE, disease-free sexbots to "support our troops". This bot - ewwwww !

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FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS: Microsoft faces prising XP from Big Biz

The Grump
Pint

My 2 cents

First, I'm not a IT guy - I'm just a Windows user since the days of DOS. I couldn't program a VCR - so I needed an OS that just WORKED for my home PC. Been through the wringer with MS: 95 - good, 98 - meh, 2000 - balls, XP - liked it as much as 95, vista - balls for different reason. XP remembered where the window was placed for every program, and reopened them in the same place. Vista, W7 - windows forgets window placement - EVERY - SINGLE - TIME. I have to rearrange my windows every time. Spent many hours trying to get Vista to remember window placement - before I found out that MS sees it as a feature instead of a bug. I'd still be using XP if I didn't need the extra memory and CPU cycles to play the latest and greatest games.

After an MS update, I discovered that my Search functionality in the folder view had stopped working. The Search function off the Start menu worked, but not in folder view. It took me two weeks of trial, error, giving up, coming back, more trial and error before I chanced on the problem, and managed to correct it (something had cleared some of the file types in MS's deservedly maligned "search indexing"). I don't have the luxury of an IT department - just me, and my mini-frig full of beer.

So I figure, what's to stop MS from a final MS "Update" for Win XP, containing instructions to disable key functionalities of XP (and if they're smart, disable them after a set time period, so the malfunction will not be easily linked with the MS update). This would force XP users to update, whether they wanted to or not. And no, when you deal with MS, this is not paranoia - it's a very real possibility. I would turn off MS updates NOW, just to be on the safe side.

As for WIN 8 - eh - let's just say that touch screen OS's and fried chicken don't go together well. MS should man up, grow a pair, and admit that Win 8 isn't the greatest idea they ever had. Now, licensing Win XP support for a fee - that is a good idea. Requiring users change to incompatible OS's every few years - bad idea. That's my 2 cents. And beer because, well, because I'm a Windows user. Gotta have something to dull the pain.

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Google's boffins branded 'unacceptably ineffective' at tackling web piracy

The Grump
Pint

Dunno what MP's are...

(probably not Military Police - that's what MP means here in the US of A). However, they sound a lot like our idiot Democrats in Congress. They want to pass legislation to force automobile manufacturers to invent a 100 MPG car by around noon next week, or some impossible date like that. Both MP's and Democrats seem to be amazed when they want us to do something impossible (with current technology), and we don't "Just do it".

Let the MP's look for copyright violations, full time - an give their jobs to guys that will give you a free pint and salted peanuts every day. Beer, cos I like beer.

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London Underground cleaners to refuse fingerprint clock-on

The Grump
Mushroom

Union idiots !

Anyone stupid enough to belong to a union voluntarily - deserves the fate of the Hostess bakery union members. They followed their Union - straight into bankruptcy and unemployment. Let's see how far your "dignity" gets you when you receive your final paycheck, with no employment prospects in sight. Then the union officials, having made their money from dues, slink away and find another employer to wreck.

Simple solution - no fingerprint scan, no paycheck. After X amount of days, immediate employment termination. There's a thousand unemployed people out there that would accept your job tomorrow for what you are paid right now. Before you listen to your Union, look in the mirror and tell yourself "I can be easily replaced", and repeat until you believe it. Then tell your Union to shove it.

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Myst: 20 years of point-and-click adventuring

The Grump

Bah...

All Myst is - is an Infocom text game with eye candy. I tried point and click with a game called "Scratches" - It sucked. I had tons more fun with Sword of Fargoal, and the early Ultima's. Eye candy is fine, but the play is the thing. I'm currently lost in the New Vegas wasteland, and loving it.

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Why Teflon Ballmer had to go: He couldn't shift crud from Windows 8, Surface

The Grump

Re: XP versus Windows 7 versus Vista

win95 (good)

win98(ok)

Windows ME (kill with fire)

Windows xp (great - the last OS that remembered where you opened a previous program window, so you don't have to move them where you want them EVERY...SINGLE...TIME)

Windows vista (crap)

Windows 7 (slightly less craptastic than Vista)

Windows 8 (f**k you this is a PC not a tablet) - [censored, think of the children]

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Laser-wielding boffins develop ETERNAL MEMORY from quartz

The Grump
Facepalm

Oh, please...

not another "Gee wiz, look what's coming down the road in another twenty years or so" story. Bah humbug. If these bulls*it stories were true, I'd have my flying car by now, cold fusion would be a reality, carbon nanotube batteries would propel electric cars at 1000 miles a pop, and I would have my "Real Feel" holographic television by now.

Look, if it's not going to be available in stores within a month or so, don't bother writing the story. Stick to writing about stuffy British Prime Ministers, porn filters, current IT, and beer. All the stuff we really case about. Especially the porn.

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The Three Amigos offer sanctuary to cornered NSA leaker Snowden

The Grump

Why should Snowden release everything...

when that's the only trump card he has left ? Snowden is of interest to enemies of the US - only - as long as he has dirt on the US government. Without it, he is simply a liability to whatever third rate Commie hell that takes him in. "Here's a mule and a plow. Now go and produce vegetables, comrade. Failure will be punished severely."

I would LOVE to see the look on his face when his adopted country kicks him to the curb. Truly a man without a country.

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All major UK ISPs prepping network-level porn 'n' violence filters

The Grump
Big Brother

Well...

I hope you enjoyed the days when the web was free and unedited. Now that they are aware of the web, our political masters will tell us what we can access, and what we can't. After all, most people make bad decisions when left to their own devices (SUV's, real fur coats, Big Macs, etc). We obviously need them to look out for us, and wrap the world in foam rubber, so it will be nice and safe for us. All we have to do is...OBEY. Simple. They say it - you do it. BTW - did you pay taxes on that internet purchase, citizen ?

We're from the government, and we're here to help you !

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Amazon faces its third strike in Germany

The Grump
Mushroom

The last time I checked...

you can quit Amazon employment anytime. "Tentimes" would have you believe the employees are chained to their desks (per his "slave" reference that he is so fond of). They're not. You don't like Amazon ? QUIT.

As for unions - how would you like to see the thriving business that you spent many 20 hour days building - taken over by union thugs ? Who gave them the right to tell you how to run your business, pay your executives, or anything else ? Your business is NONE of their business - until liberal politicians gave the unions "magical" labor rights that do not appear anywhere in the Constitution. Union protection laws are simply a payoff to the unions for their voting block.

I hope Amazon (and everyone else) follows the Hostess example - close the business, reorganize without the union troublemakers, and reopen again, free of union baggage.

BTW, if you downvote me - you're a libtard. If you upvote me - welcome to reality.

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Hot new battery technologies need a cooling off period

The Grump
Thumb Up

Re: Wouldn't it be easier to...

Test Man sounds like a classic NIMBY.

Unsightly ? No more than the normal electric lines on poles beside nearly every road in the nation.

Dangerous ? No more than the very same lines listed above. We are warned repeatedly about trimming trees, using ladders, etc near the power lines that decorate our roads now.

Cost ? When you factor in all the lives lost defending oil interests around the world, the cost of exploring for more oil, the costs of more power plants (including new nuclear plants) needed to charge all those very costly L-ion batteries, it would be a bargain. And the construction alone would employ thousands of the unemployed.

We need more people to say "Yes, we can", and less people who say "No, we can't". I can easily imagine a future with overhead powered cars. Can you imagine the future if the Wright brothers had asked Test Man's opinion of their new-fangled airplane invention ?

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The Grump
Holmes

Wouldn't it be easier to...

put overhead electric lines over roads, and equip cars with a gantry-type overhead power connectors - like electric commuter trains use every day ? Unlimited range, and a Leaf type 70 mile battery for off grid use, like parking garages - what's not to like ? A meter would keep track of the amount of power used.

Somehow, swapping out batteries every 70 miles or so doesn't sound all that appealing. To defeat range anxiety, we have to get the electric to the car. We can't just wait for another Tesla type genuis to emerge and create an uber-battery - we have to power electric cars now. We can invent the uber-battery later.

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Biz bods: Tile-tastic Windows 8? NOOO. We lust after 'mature' Win 7

The Grump
Facepalm

Ballmer will take care of Win 7

Just wait until the next Service Pack download causes BSOD issues, lost functionality (it's not a bug, it's a FEATURE), and random freezes. The appropriate apologies will be made, but the CEO's will get the message, loud and clear - "Time to move on to Windows 8 - It's better"!

I would use Linux if I knew beans about programming (which I don't - casual user here). You can make Linux do anything - provided you know how. Windows ? If you don't like programs opening their windows over each other (not remembering where you closed them last time), and you can't use Linux, tough tamales - you're stuck with whatever Ballmer says you have to use.

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Prankster 'Superhero' takes on robot traffic warden AND WINS

The Grump

Excuse me, sir...

but computers do not make mistakes. Please pay your fine at the window.

Here in the United States of Obama, if you challenge a photo ticket and lose your appeal, the file almost doubles. And you lose your appeal 99.9999 percent of the time. I expect this practice to spread world-wide, anything for more profit. Isn't private busness working with the government wonderful ?

No icon - need a jackbooted nazi icon for stories like this.

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US government wants security research on car-to-car nets

The Grump
Terminator

Hmmm, lets see...

I'll take a level 4 SUV with the reclining "magic fingers" massage option, remote start, in-route entertainment system, auto-park option, minibar dash option, run flat tires, and mini-keg cooler. In green, of course. And I want hybrid, so it gets 20 MPG instead of 14 MPG.

This may be a good thing. Computers don't get mad at trash trucks, school buses, slow Prius drivers, and of course, the ever infuriating bicyclists (or whatever those bike-tards call themselves now). Less stress = WIN. I just wonder how a level 4 vehicle can identify a bicycle rider. Ba-bump, ba-bump - what was that ? Must have been a raccoon !

Terminator because the cars will eventually figure out they're more intelligent than the drivers. Then...

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'WikiLeaks of financial data' prompts worldwide hunt for tax evaders

The Grump
Mushroom

Please, oh please...

let Nancy Polosi's, Chuck Schummer's, Harry Reid's and Prez Obama's names be on that list. I call him Prez, because he doesn't deserve the title President. He is an embarassment to all Americans, and he deserves a little embarrassment himself.

If you gave our Democrats some truth serum, and asked them what tax rate would be enough, they would say 100 percent. Wealthy folks are protecting themselves, I cannot blame them. With better lawyers, yes, they have better tax dodges. But really, if the Democrats are beating down your door, lusting for every last cent you have, would you protect yourself, too ? They see every dollar in your pocket as theirs. They spend every cent they get, then borrow from China to fuel their spending addiction. They want YOUR money - all of it. That is NOT the price we may for a civilized society - it is the path to Communism.

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3D printed gun plans pulled after US State Department objects

The Grump
Facepalm

Oh please...

if the bad guys (terrorists) are smart, they will get their suicide Jihadists to have bombs surgically implanted before a flight, walk through the soft-scatter x-ray machine without a beep, then use a cell phone to activate the bomb after takeoff. An "old fashioned" magnetic field scanner would tattletale on an implanted bomb, but not the new soft scatter x-ray machines. A fact I am keenly aware of, as I scan my fellow passengers for long beards.

Cars are more dangerous than this $9,000 dollar one-shot gun. Hell, even kitchen knives are more dangerous - and cheaper. Will our fearless leaders ban these, too ? Stay tuned and see...

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Tesla earns first profit, Model S wins '99% perfect' rating

The Grump
Mushroom

Battery tech is still not there yet...

if it takes a $60,000 dollar battery in a $30,000 dollar car to go just 208 miles. I don't see why electric cars cannot be designed to accept a simple lawn mower engine, which could be dropped into a generator housing by the owner. A simple, cheap range extender and battery recharger. Pump the choke, pull the starter cord, and the old Briggs & Stratton starts recharging your battery while shopping, dining, or even while driving. Use an auxiliary gas tank for even more range. Think cheap - cheap is good. Why the Volt needs a 4 cylinder range extender that could power a regular small car is beyond me. And 40,000 bucks ? Cheap is good, and that's not cheap !

Don't get me wrong - I would LOVE to own an electric car - no oil changes, no smelly gas pump handles, and a LOT less to maintain. But the RANGE !!! It's killing electric car sales, me included. If they only had overhead grids above the roads - electric cars could be equipped with a pole to reach the overhead grid, like a bumper car. Unlimited electric range on the road - and a 20 mile range battery for areas without an overhead grid - parking lots and the like.

Project better world - too cumbersome, changing out batteries every 60 miles. Solar roof - forget about it. The best thing would be to authorize the government to gather the best and brightest, and start a Manhattan-Project type think tank to brainstorm better energy storage solutions. Nikola Tesla is dead - we need to find new geniuses to take his place. Energy transmission via quantum physics ? Storing lightning ? Maybe something we cannot imagine yet. Round up the scientists, give them the funding, and let them do what they do best.

Nuke because that's how I feel about L-ion battery costs - KABOOM !

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4

Retro-tech fan seeks cash for Commodore 64 clones

The Grump
Pint

Old World Blues

Eyes firmly fixed on the past, unable to see the future for what it is. Unable to change. Unable to move on. Their eyes burning with the faint light of memories, lost in time. Sad, really.

I miss playing Sword of Fargoal, too. But to me, it's just a relic in the dust bin of my past. Nice to think about, once in a while, but I'm usually busy looking to the future. I have also found that when you DO get a chance to play those old games, they are just not as great as you remember them to be.

If you do desire to look into the past fondly, don't do it while standing in the dark - you may be eaten by a Grue!

(Yes, I'm old enough to have played Infocom games. I've played the Pong coin op game, too - back when dirt was a relatively new thing). Beer icon, because there is no "older than dirt" icon - and I like my Blue Moon beer.

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Watchdog: Y'know what Bitcoin really needs? A REGULATOR!

The Grump
Mushroom

US Treasury said ????

"The US Treasury said in March that any firms that deal in the virtual money would be considered "money services businesses" just like any other, requiring them to provide information to the government and implement policies to stop money laundering".

That amazing. The last time I saw the US Treasury, it was just a big building, and it certainly didn't say anything. Brilliant ! And "Chilton" - who the hell is that ? "Top bods" ? Who wrote this peice of garbage better hope they never meet my 6th grade English teacher - my knunkles still hurt from that ruler she used with Jedi-like precision.

As for regulation, if Prez O'Bummer and his Democrat commie buddies had their way, everything would be taxed at 100%. They see a dollar in your pocket as their dollar, and they will not rest until they take it. If BitCoin becomes more than a fad, O'Bummer will take it down, just like Pirate Bay.

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We've done it - we've gone and made LONG-LIFE BEER

The Grump
Pint

I will never understand...

people who like either bitter wine or bitter beer. God bless them, though - someones gotta drink all that bitter beer out there. I see it as a recycling service for beer I would never drink. I'll stick with Blue Moon unfiltered wheat beer, thank you very much.

BTW, bitter does not mean flavor, it just means bitter. Beer should be enjoyable, not endurable. Beer icon, natch.

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3

Star Trek: The original computer game

The Grump
Happy

>>>South

You are in the lobby of Starbase 314.

West

You are facing a door In the Starbase lobby. It has warning signs in Romulin - keep out.

West

You are in a darkened room. You may be eaten by a grue.

Wait

You hear footsteps approaching. You hear a horrible gurgling sound.

?

0
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Quantum researchers control qubit with light

The Grump
Boffin

Amazingly amazing nerdliness

"The qubit in question is actually considered a defect in a diamond's crystalline structure: it's called a “nitrogen-vacancy centre”, in which a nitrogen atom takes the place of a carbon atom, creating an adjacent vacancy. The properties of such vacancies, particularly photoluminescence, have been of interest to researchers for a long time".

No wonder these eggheads never get dates. "Oh, I study nitrogen-vacency centres...huh...now where did she go?"

0
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Linux in 2013: 'Freakishly awesome' – and who needs a fork?

The Grump
Windows

Re: Stop the press

"Linux summit announces that Linux is Awesome"

Wait - Didn't Ballmer say the same thing about Windows 8 ? Touch screen functionality ? I give that a Ben Stein "Wow".

IMHO - Linux is a hobbist's OS - nice if you know how to fix it, but hardly something you want to rely on for mission critical apps.

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15

Are biofuels Europe's sh*ttiest idea ever?

The Grump
Mushroom

Let's call them what they are - Communists.

You know their old saw by heart by now: "It's not your (fuel, air, water, etc) or my (fuel, air, water, etc), it belongs to ALL of us (which means the government decides who gets what). All the Commies have fled to organizations like Greenpeace, Union of Concerned Scientists, AARP, or any organization that espouses more government control. If you don't want to become a slave to your own goverment after it turns Communist, I suggest you fight these pinko Commies tooth and nail. Or live as a slave to the government. Your choice, but choose wisely - your children will have to live with the consequences of your action (or inaction).

Choose freedom - tell these GW freaks to get stuffed.

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4

Roomba dust-bust bot bods one step closer to ROBOBUTLERS

The Grump
Terminator

Virtual Stupidity

is the only thing saving us from the iron-fisted rule of our robotic despot overlords, AKA Skynet. Do we REALLY want robots that are smart enough to see how stupid people are ? One look at the aftermath of a rugby game, and they will know. The missile codes will be decoded world-wide, and 30 minutes later, no people, no civilization, and most importantly, NO BEER.

I know it hurts, but THINK before you ask for a smarter robot. Think how a rotating stainless steel arm and hand assembly would feel jammed through your rib cage. Do you REALLY want a smarter robot now. Hmmm ?

0
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Space probe spies MYSTERY 'Cold Spot' in very fabric of cosmos itself

The Grump
Devil

Eureka...

Get the Global Warming folks to believe that the cold spot is the proof they need, get them aboard a hastily cobbled together spaceship, and sent them on their way. Once launch is initiated, program the computers to forget where earth is, and voila, you get rid a a useless third of the population in one shot.

Yeah, the bucket o bolts rocket will cost the entire GDP for the year, but it's so worth it.

1
1

Wind farms make you sick … with worry and envy

The Grump
Big Brother

Just another libtard

SUVs - bad

Cigs - bad

Big gulps - bad

Incandescent bulbs - bad

Big Macs - bad

OTOH

Gun bans (call 911 and die) - good

Gay marriage - good

Iron fist control of free speech - good

More, more, more, more taxes - good

and now vibrating windmills - good

Libtards don't need scientific study - like obscenity, they know "good" when they see it. Libtards are smarter, wiser, and (lets face it) better looking than you - just ask one ! Just obey them.

1
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BOFH: My HELPDESK HELL - lies, phones lines and statistics

The Grump
Devil

He, he, he...

I would be suprised if the BOFH didn't hac...er...update the phone system with a maze of user data inputs (employee number, password, hat size, etc), make the responses 160 levels deep with random recursive dumps back to level one, and any user error would dump the user back to level one, where they would have to start the process all over again. Be sure to put in 6 level deep confirmation scripts (User presses #1. "You said yes, is this correct? You said yes is correct. Is this correct?" etc.), and vary the "YES" response so it isn't always the number 1 - sometimes it would be 2 or 3, with 1 being NO and 2 being I DON'T KNOW (dumps user back to level one).

Ninty-nine percent of users would give up, and never actually reach the hell desk at all.

0
0

Attention, CIOs: Stop outsourcing or YOU will never retire

The Grump
IT Angle

So you want a raise ?

[Manager quickly closes the office door.]

Look, I know it's been years since you had a raise, and I understand why you want one. But there's something you need to understand. [Pulls chair closer, shoots a quick glance at the door]

I am not officially telling you this, but the head of the accounting dept has been given the task of "developing alternative IT resources". That means they're looking at OUR budget for the whole IT dept, versus "contracting offshore IT resources". We're talking about India here. [Chill runs through the room, as all IT professionals know what "India" means].

This is a really bad time to ask for a raise, is all I'm saying. And as the IT manager for the company, MY neck is on the line, too. So if it's OK with you, we can pretend this conversation never happened, and walk away with both our jobs intact. Good seeing you too - have a nice day.

------------------------

This is the unfortunate reality, in both the queen's realm, and here in the colonies, too. Any wired job (IT, hell desk, etc) is a prime target for outsourcing. Until foreign labor is tarriffed, equal to the cost of domestic IT labor, IT jobs will continue to be sucked overseas. And IT trainees will have to deliver pizza and bag groceries for a living. Sad, and so easily fixed, if the political class has some backbone.

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Banged-up Brit hacker hacks into his OWN PRISON'S 'MAINFRAME'

The Grump
Facepalm

Doh !

He could of ordered himself an early release, but noooo. He had to change the prison menu to filet mignon, cracked snow crab, prime rib, and clams casino. It's hard to eat prison food after living the good life in the big town. Ten additional years hard labor for Homer Simson style stupidity. Doh !

0
0

Mind-melded rats could herald organic BRAIN-COMPUTERS

The Grump
Joke

Rat Wars

Use your mind-controlled battle rat to battle the rats of other trainers. Become the ultimate rat battlelord. [Puts on mind control helmet]. I just hope this minnnnnd kontrulllll hellllmutttt isssssnt tooo wayyyyy ............squeak, squeak, squeak.

2
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Best Buy takes axe to touchy Windows 8 PCs - lops $100 off price

The Grump
Windows

I don't like new things...

I still hate switching to Win 7 because the OS "forgets" where each program closed the last window. Now, different programs open windows on top of each other, forcing me to move them around, over and over, EVERY (expletive deleted) TIME I start the (expletive deleted) thing. WIN XP was the last decent OS that Microsoft produced, and the rest is crap. Yes, even Win 8.

I'll buy a touch screen when they come out with the Holomaster 3D dolodeck touch interface for porn apps. Until then, Gates can take his beloved Win 8 and bugger off. Fool me once, shame on Bill Gates - fool me twice... fat chance.

1
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Baby-boulder bowling burglar breaks Boulder Apple Store's $100k glass door

The Grump
Pint

Bartender !

be careful with that - it's my $5,000.00 Apple logo beer glass. It's so incredibily fragile, there are only eight undamaged glasses left in the world. Beer tastes so much better out of an Apple logo glass.

(Disclosure - I'm just kidding. Why are you looking at me like that ? No, it's not real. I made it up. Really ! Stay away, you Apple freaks ! Nooooooo!)

0
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'Bah, this Apple Shop is full of APPLES'

The Grump
Joke

Due to a recent court decision...

the prior deemed copyright on the word "Apple", long held by the entity known as "God", has been vacated, due to failure to appear in court. Hereafter, all supermarkets and other vendors will refer to the fruit formerly known as "apples" by the new court approved name "elppa".

You can find elppas, elppasauce, and elppa cider at your local fruit dealers and other vendors.

0
0

Electric cars stall in USA, Australia

The Grump
Mushroom

Sorry, but...

1) batteries need to be (at least) good for 300 miles to be practical in the US - everything is soooo far apart. Most countries in Europe would fit in Texas.

2) Drive an hour - replace a battery - drive another hour - replace another battery ? Not buyin' it.

3) Starving third world population ? Sounds good to me. Ever feed stray cats / dogs ? You get more stray cats / dogs. And most of the population in certain third world countries want to kill us. OK - you're right. We can't let them suffer. Kill them all now. More humane that way. Can't let them starve, you know.

1
0

Boffins find 17,425,170-digit prime number

The Grump
Facepalm

[ Blank stare ]

So basically there is no practical use for this discovery, other than nerd bragging rights. The boffins could be creating cold fusion, flying cars, or holographic 3D TV, but nooooooo. They use their so-called intelligence to find a big prime number while humanity suffers.

Intelligence is being able to build your own nuclear bomb in your garage. Wisdom is not using the bomb you just built to remove a stump in your backyard. I'd rather be wise than intelligent any day.

0
3

The Death of Voice: Mobile phone calls now 50 per cent shorter

The Grump
Windows

The death of Voice ?

Not while I'm alive. I have never, ever sent a single text, and I never will. I don't even like to leave messages on answering machines. Email is as far as I go - otherwise I couldn't rant about the articles posted on this fine website. Don't even get me started on Ballmer and Win8.

0
0

You thought watching cat videos was harmless fun? Think AGAIN

The Grump
Mushroom

The last time I checked...

cats don't care what a bunch of so-called "reporters" at the New York Slimes thinks. The cats are more intelligent than the reporters. Everyone working at the New York Times are the ones who should be in that weighted burlap sack, at the bottom of the East River. That would be doing humanity a favor. A bunch of jerks reporting what another bunch of idiots think about cats. No wonder their newspaper subscriptions are in the toilet.

5
4

Naked intruder cracks one off in Florida rampage drama

The Grump
Childcatcher

If that is the case...

if guns are "bad" because some "innocent" burglars and nutters get killed, then let run with that logic.

Thousands die, and tens of thousands are injured every year in auto accidents. By the gun grabber's logic, private ownership of motor vehicles should be banned, with the exception of the few who qualify for CDL's (Commercial Drivers Licenses) - like the few who qualify for concealed carry permits. You never know when some nutter will try talking on the cell phone, cross the yellow line, and kill a family with children. With CDL's, you would have to prove your need for a license (commercial truck driver). One strike - speeding, overweight vehicle, moving violation - and the CDL is revoked, possibly forever. Much safer than the current system. You would have to move close to public transportation, or walk, without that sweet SUV or sports car.

Now, are you ready to think of the children ? Hmmmmm ?

2
2

Twitter must unmask racist French twits or face $1,300-a-DAY fine

The Grump
Pirate

Can't Twitter simply purchase an island outside national borders, and transmit from there ? Call it "Internet Island". Then tell these judges (and Imams) to open a nice frosty can of Shut the F*** Up when they get all arrogant and full of themselves. Please note that the French Judge is unnamed - an anonymous coward.

I'd buy an island like that if I could afford it. Booze, drugs, sex, gambling, nude beaches, cricket, you name it, I would have it. It would make Vegas look like a catholic church.

[Threw cricket in there to see if you were paying attention] :)

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