* Posts by Ian 31

42 publicly visible posts • joined 29 Jun 2009

Dev's code manages to topple Microsoft's mighty SharePoint

Ian 31

Re: It's still going on

Had a similar problem with a social services application I used to support. Database was Oracle, ASCII (I think) character set. Users would copy and paste from various other applications, Word, Excel, whatever. Application would happily swallow whatever was copy pasted in, and then throw an unhandled error when you tried to retrieve that particular form because it contained what ASCII considered as control characters. Took a while to work out what was going on but earned me a lot of brownie points when I twigged and could fix the offending form generally within 30 minutes of being aware of the problem. Honestly, it was frequently a 5 minute job but never let the end users know it's easy. Supplier took 24 hours to fix such issues, their long term fix was to suggest we upgraded, at considerable expense, to their latest and greatest rewrite of the application. We did consider that, but it went nowhere, partly because their 'expert' didn't understand that their application when running on a Solaris box, pointing at a database on another Solaris box, didn't need, and in fact probably couldn't, map to the C:\ drive.

You need to RTFM, but feel free to use your brain too

Ian 31

Look at your keyboard, I is next to O. Fat fingers, nothing Freudian.

The perfect crime – undone by the perfect email backups

Ian 31

Used to look after a purchasing system for a major UK council back in the days when they had council houses and needed to maintain them. Mainframe system that just worked, raise the order, process the goods received notes, pay the supplier, off the lads go to fix what needed fixing. System was how all their tools, materials etc were sourced. However you could circumvent the system by buying something, up to the value of £100, from any available source, and then raising a local purchasing order afterwards. Idea was if the lads were, for example, fitting a new bathroom and halfway through the job dropped and broke the toilet cistern they could just grab a new one from the nearest DIY place and do the paperwork later.

Turns out someone was using local purchase orders to buy electric showers which they then fitted as a cash in hand weekend job. Easy money. Until the business asked 'can you identify who has raised a local purchase order?'. Answer was yes, shortly after that someone was at best looking for a new job, at worst explaining themselves to the Plod. Never new exactly what course of action was taken, but I did get a very nice half case of assorted single malt whisky for Christmas that year. Apparently the local suppliers liked to drop gifts off with the purchasing manager when chasing contracts, and he wasn't a drinker. Lucky me.

Who knew that hosing a table with copious amounts of cubic metres would trip adult filters?

Ian 31

Re: Medical dictionaries

For the last few years we've used G-Suite which allows the use of organisational word filters for email. Some genius in senior management decided that this would be a good idea and paid for a 3rd party supplied 'block list' to ensure bad words wouldn't be allowed. Brilliant. I work supporting social services case management systems in local government. Blocking an email that contains the phrase 'he said he wanted me to suck his <male chicken> in an attachment to an email titled 'Urgent, required for court proceedings tomorrow morning' regarding a potential child sexual exploitation situation is really not a good idea.

Ian 31

Re: Over sensitive company intranet

Sales position probably paid better.

Ian 31

Re: Inside joke?

Working in local goverment was involved in developing an application to handle the ordering, despatch, invoicing etc for the sort of large bins you'll see behind many small to medium sized businesses. Application developed, tested and accepted. Then came the vitally important question, what is it to be called? We pushed for Commercial Refuse Application, CRApp. I was surprised how far that got before someone in senior management said no.

Ian 31

Re: Inside joke?

Shiny new change control system was implemented where I work. Part of what was required was that every single stage had to have the initials of the person who would do it, whether in the business or IT, entered in the relevant column. First one I submitted was rejected with a snotty 'generic use of IT for whoever will do a piece of work in a change control document is not allowed'.

I politely replied that if the sender cared to look at my full name at the top of the submitted form s/he would see that my initials were, in fact, IT, and that I had conformed to the data entry format specified in the documentation provided for the shiny new change control system. That change request went through.

This issue popped up again though as the change control team staff changed. I'd send the same answer, rinse and repeat. Eventually the change control manager emailed to ask did I have a middle initial and could I use that as well? Technically against the documentation, but who was I to argue. I replied saying that I was happy to do so, but as my middle name is Christopher it probably wouldn't help.

[Checks meeting agenda...] Where does it say 'Talk cr*p and waste everyone's time'?

Ian 31

My 'should I switch the camera on' routine is basically do I have pants on.

What a Hancock-up: Excel spreadsheet blunder blamed after England under-reports 16,000 COVID-19 cases

Ian 31

Re: CSV?

That's not a problem with csv, that's a problem with Excel. More accurately, it's a problem with the sort of idiot who thinks Excel is the answer to all their IT issues.

Roses are #f00, violets are #00f. This witty code is a boffinry breakthrough

Ian 31

Mainframe programmer joke.

Why do programmers confuse Christmas and Halloween?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

When I started on DMIV hierarchical databases running on GCOS 8 the above was considered extremely funny.

British armed forces get first new pistol since World War II

Ian 31
WTF?

Re: Enjoy it while it lasts

Tommy Jenkins? It's Tommy Atkins you're looking for.

iPhone 5 Lightning cables sticking in USB ports

Ian 31
FAIL

Re: It's no really an issue is it?

You didn't read to the end of that post, did you?

"Apple makes you go to the shop and get one from their drawer."

Natwest, RBS: When will bank glitch be fixed? Probably not today

Ian 31
Happy

Re: Out-sourcing is bad

Of course he's joking, he used the term "project manager".

Eyes on stalks: ancient predator a real monster

Ian 31

Fireball the bastard

Then tuck in.

Mythbusters cannonball ‘myth-fires’

Ian 31
Happy

Bang On

Woohoo! Want one for Christmas

Boffins prove Queen ballad 'world's most catchy song'

Ian 31
Thumb Up

Good Omens

Sir Terry and Neil Gaiman in one reference, good work

Ecstasy doesn't make rave-goers any stupider - official

Ian 31
Happy

That'll be the sleep deprivation.

It can really fuck you up.

Crematorium to heat council swimming pool

Ian 31
FAIL

Hypocrite

"I'm not comfortable with it at all and I think trying to save money due to the death of someone's family member or friend is a bit sick."

Said the funeral director. But making a living off the death of someone's family member or friend is fine?

Gov depts to cut back office, IT spending

Ian 31
Thumb Down

Deep Joy.

Outsourcing, lovely, 'sorry that's not in the contract, mm, yes we can do it but that will be £5000 please.'

Margaret Thatcher celebrates 85 years

Ian 31

Seconded.

Other than that, just go Margaret. Please.

Turkish groom accidentally sprays wedding guests with bullets

Ian 31
Coat

Still, 11 hits from a what, 30 round magazine?

That's pretty good shooting with an automatic.

Sorry, coat, thanks, the one with 'tasteless bastard' written on the back.

Exciting company seeks Linux engineer

Ian 31

Sort Of Makes Sense...

If you read the add,

The Engineer will also be responsible for Supporting maintaining and troubleshooting the clients hosting environment, network, IP traffic and sewers

As to why they'd want a combined Linux admin and sanitation engineer I've no idea.

Salacious smut soaks 12% of web

Ian 31
Happy

Boobies!!

Need I say more.

Alt rock diva's nude snap 'leaked' to tweetosphere

Ian 31
Thumb Up

Boobies!!

Always liked lady bumps.

NFC will help you find your car - if you're next to it

Ian 31
Thumb Down

Just because you can do something....

Doesn't make it a good idea.

Boobquake fails to destroy planet

Ian 31
Thumb Up

Respect the jubs.

Well done that woman.

Brit astrophysical model scoops £1.1m at poker

Ian 31
Pint

We Are Not Worthy.

'Scuse me while I go cry in my beer.

The iPad will doom humanity to painful bog-roll horror

Ian 31
Thumb Up

I tip my hat to you....

bumwad tech supremo, ecologically sound cleftwipe products.

Class. Absolute class. Was it Lewis?

'al-Qaeda suicide cat' sends US Iraq war robots out of control

Ian 31

None of that tinned crap thank you.

If ours are anything to go by it would have to be chicken, prawns, mince beef or melon.

Yes melon.

We worry about Lenny sometimes.

Administrator access: Right or privilege?

Ian 31

Pride Comes Before A Fall......

I quote,

'is also very easily worked around for those of us who neither make mistokes'

Damn fine work Pete, you can take your foot out of your mouth now.

Cash-strapped trolley dollies in nude calendar protest

Ian 31
Thumb Up

Boobies!!!

Title says it all. I'm a simple soul, easily pleased.

Corduroy cuffed, banged up for teaching while drunk

Ian 31
Pint

Slightly Off Topic.

My A level maths teacher was a tall thin scottish nun who always made me, Mark, Robin and John sit at the back during double maths on a Friday afternoon. We finally asked her why she did this on a week long retreat at a monastery called Kintbury in the South of England. Her answer was, 'If you're all sat at the back I can't smell your breath so i don't have to raise your drinking as a disciplinary issue'.

Always had a lot of respect for Sister *** after that, especially when she demonstrated she could drink us all under the table while we were at the retreat.

God bless you Sister, wherever you are now.

Computer glitch prompts 50 raids on elderly couple's home

Ian 31
FAIL

Workaround <> Fix

They don't know what's going on do they? So instead of fixing the problem they bodge it. FFS they've had 4 years to work out what's going on. Numpties. And God help Mr and Mrs Martin if they ever ring the police because they need them.

Wanders off muttering to self in search of more beer......

Manchester's on fire for ID cards, claims ID minister

Ian 31
FAIL

Manchester On Fire for ID Cards?

ROFLMAO.

Seriously, I live and work in Manchester and I haven't come across anybody saying they're going to get an ID card. The usual response when you ask people about ID cards is either:

a) No thanks, I know who I am

b) What, you need a passport to get an ID card? Then WTF do I need an ID card for?

This government is a bunch of fucking not rights if you ask me.

Scots unleash world's strongest beer

Ian 31
FAIL

Pah.

'just as you would struggle with more than a dram or 2 or bog standard 12 year old malt.'

Amateur.

US sorority girls in booze-fuelled orgy of violence

Ian 31
Boffin

New here?

This is a Register article written by Lewis Page, there might have been a touch of sarcasm involved in the violent games/movies -> violent behaviour link.

Just possibly, Ok?

Brit kids failing to fall out of trees

Ian 31
Boffin

Nettles

Always climb the tree on the opposite side to where the nettles are growing. Trust me on this.

Pants bombs vs America: The infernal conflict

Ian 31

Re Euro-Whine

To quote from the article,

'Having said all this, the possibility exists that it will work some day.'

I also think you'll find the George Smith in question is an American.

Oz anti-censorship site is censored

Ian 31
Stop

@Neal 5

Umm, that would be the famous quote where the U-Boat captain demands

'Your name will also go on the list! What is it?'

of the singer of

'Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, he's half-barmy, so's his army, whistle while you work!'

and Mainwaring shouts 'Don't tell him Pike'

yes?

You can look it up on the internets you know.

Conservatives promise 'lights on, lights off' IT policy

Ian 31
WTF?

Ok, who's playing silly buggers?

This sounds positively sensible.

From a politician.

And I haven't been drinking.

??

Ralph Lauren DMCAs thin Photoshop skills

Ian 31

Soup and Sandwiches?

Pointless in her case. Steak and kidney pudding, mushy peas, chips and gravy twice a day for a month and there may be some hope.

@Yorkshirepudding,

Stay away from my missus.

Chaps: Give up, you'll never understand women

Ian 31
Thumb Up

Thin?

No thanks, bring on the chubby birds!