Feeds

* Posts by Tanuki

332 posts • joined 8 Sep 2006

Page:

Four caged in UK after cyber-heist swipes €7m in EU carbon credits

Tanuki

The only real heist is the one perpetrated against the-rest-of-us who are expected to fund this whole racket in 'carbon credits' through higher prices and higher taxes.

The very idea is akin to the Papal Indulgences that were traded in the middle-ages: someone in power invents a sin, while at the same time selling doctrinally-approved permits-to-sin and pocketing the cash.

What we have with 'carbon credits' is, so to speak, a "Sin of Emission".

16
1

Heatmiser digital thermostat users: For pity's sake, DON'T SWITCH ON the WI-FI

Tanuki

Re: Not just once @Stoneshop

Agreed: there's a lot to be said for thermal-inertia once you get your house temperature up to the desired set-point: even if I let the woodstove go out there's still enough heat stored in a couple of hundred Kg of cast-iron-and-firebrick to keep the house warm for a day or so. [foot-thick internal masonry-walls help a bit too].

I defy anyone to successfully hack my stove via WiFi.

2
0

Quit drooling, fanbois - haven't you SEEN what the iPhone 6 costs?

Tanuki

Re: OnePlus One

The FM radio uses the headphone-wire as the antenna.

11
0

Video: Dyson unveils ROBOTIC TANK that hoovers while you're out

Tanuki

Re: Still missing critical feature

Here at Scrotum Towers cleaning duties are performed by a German-made "Sebo". It was bought after a quick chat with my machine-room contract-cleaning provider-of-the-month. I weorked on the basis that if you're paid a fixed amount to do a job you'll want tools that let you complete it in the shortest-possible time so you can pay your minimum-wage cleandroids the least-possible.

So far the Sebo's been brilliant.

[His other cleaner suggestion was a Nilfisk-Advance - which I have to admit looked truly impressive in a kind of Android-brothel-meets-LEXX-shiny-stainless-steel-machine-porn-fantasy-sense but I just couldn't justify spending £1500 on something that would spend 99% of its life unseen and shut away in the cellar].

3
0
Tanuki

I wonder if it's smart enough to survive an attack from a sexually-frustrated Jack Russell Terrier?

26
1

Don't buy that phone! It ATTRACTS CRIMINALS, UK.gov will tell people

Tanuki

Re: nokia carriers...

And with a Nokia it'll still be working well enough to let you call the Fuzz to report the crime after you've used it to beat the mugger unconscious.

8
0

We need less U.S. in our WWW – Euro digital chief Steelie Neelie

Tanuki

Re: Get your own toys

Aren't the EU trying to do it with their "Galileo" GPS-alike, which project seems to be going oh-so-well?

[I guess their satellites just want to break free?]

0
0

LOHAN tunes into ultra long range radio

Tanuki

ISM band allocation.

I do hope that Ozzie 900MHz radio is actually type-approved for use in ITU "Region 1" [Europe, Africa, the Middle East west of the Persian Gulf including Iraq, the former Soviet Union and Mongolia].

0
0

Gartner's Special Report: Should you believe the hype?

Tanuki

Hype-cycles.

I remember some years ago being at a Gartner presentation where the guy said, in essence " any business that doesn't have a high-profile presence on Second Life is doomed to irrelevance in the next year "

I think we can all name a few businesses who took this advice to little benefit, and likewise plenty of businesses who didn't hear the message but for whom the Gartner-predicted doom is somehow taking longer to materialise than first predicted.

12
0

World's only flyable WWII Lancaster bombers meet in Lincs

Tanuki

Re: Not only on planes

And there was the Meteor - basically a poorer-production-quality version of the Merlin, minus the superchargers and with a lower compression-ratio so it would run OK on commercial-grade petrol rather than AVGAS - which was used in quite a few WWII-era tanks.

2
0

Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE

Tanuki
Thumb Up

Civilisation.

One of the benefits of living somewhere distinctly non-Inner-City is the ease-of-access to a rather conveniently civilised place calling itself 'Waitrose', and their free-coffee-for-regular-customers.

[Claims that their car-parking spaces are also larger than Lidl's/Aldi's - to better accomodate clients' Range-Rovers - are unsubstantiated].

4
0

Adam Afriyie MP: Smart meters are NOT so smart

Tanuki
Thumb Down

Why bother?

At the beginning of this year I borrowed a set of energy-meters from a client for a weekend. Stuck them on pretty much every appliance in the house, gathered the data into a spreadsheet... and discovered that I was spending something like £3 a day on electricity. Part of which was a standing-charge.

Remember - this was in winter. In summer it's probably half that (though the dehumidifier occasionally gets intensive use).

Honestly, even if through the use of a 'smart' meter I cut my electricity utilisation to *zero* then the saving is well down in the noise - there's at least three times that amount of daily variance in the cost of my wine-consumption.

Fretting about whether your fridge is costing you 20p or 22p a day to run - well, get over it and get a life.

24
2

Stick a 4K in them: Super high-res TVs are DONE

Tanuki
FAIL

Forget this whole idea of a "TV" whether 'smart' or dumb - what I would love is a decently-priced mid-size (28-inch max) 4K *monitor* that I could then connect to the local content-source of my choice (which will rarely-if-ever include 'broadcast media').

Personally, I don't want big screens - they're obtrusive and take up space which some of us would rather have occupied by that rather-more-traditional viewing technology known as "windows" - through which I can watch the outdoor-wildlife in real-time without any cheesy soundtack or narration.

[Last night there were three fox-cubs playing who-dares-get-closest-to-the-hose].

22
1

Jurassic squawk: Dinos were Earth's early FEATHERED friends

Tanuki
Thumb Up

Bet you could have made some serious chicken-nuggets out of that !

[I, for one, welcome our new feathery-lizard overlords.]

2
0

Who has your credit card data? 1 million HOLIDAY-MAKERS' RECORDS exposed

Tanuki
Thumb Down

I'm continually narked by travel-companies who seem to want a whole slew of irrelevant data about you (name, address, date-of-birth, height, weight, brother's inside-leg measurement, pet's star-sign and the colour of the last car you bought) before they will even *try* to give you a price for a flight/ticket/holiday.

[I've taken to giving them the cat's name, age, inside-leg measurement and height/weight just to confuse them]

2
0

Bad back? Show some spine and stop popping paracetamol

Tanuki
Thumb Up

Double-strength Placebo™

Essentially, Paracetamol _is_ being used as a placebo in this case. Same goes for that other dish-it-out-to-get-the-patient-out-of-the-surgery-when-you-dont-know-whats-wrong-with-them offering, Ibuprofen.

Given the state of the pharmaceutical industry I wonder how long it will be before someone brings out "Placebo Extra™" - the proven power of Placebo™ you know and trust, now in a new double-strength formula. Available in easy-to-swallow caplets, suppositories*, or soluble formula.

*For all the good they'll do you you might as well shove them up your...

Placebo™ - so effective all other drugs are tested against it!

3
0

Barclays Bank counter staff to become iPad-toting 'community bankers'

Tanuki
Thumb Down

They moved to this in the Swindon branch a few months back. Allegedly.

It must be about a year since I went into a physical bank-branch of any flavour. IMHO the whole idea of high-street-type bank branches is today dead on its feet - they're never open when you need them for a start. Let them - along with post-offices - go the same way as yellow-pages, fax-machines and red telephone-kiosks: quaint reminders of slower, kinder, gentler times but totally irrelevant to the current millennium.

1
2

Beer in SPAAAACE! London Pride soars to 28,000m

Tanuki
Thumb Up

Ferrets In Spaaaaaace!

There's a part of me who's now pondering the extent to which the reduced-atmospheric-pressure-induced 'boiling' would have selectively distilled-off the alcohol from the beer, and what effect the lower temperature would have had on the relative vapour-pressures of alcohol vs water.

Hmmmm.. I would suugest that your research-team seeks liquid sponsorship from breweries for a future re-run or twenty, if only to ensure that the experimental results are repeatable and statistically-significant.

My suggestion would be to send aloft some Fursty Ferret or maybe some Dog's Bollocks.

0
0

Say goodbye to the noughties: Yesterday’s hi-fi biz is BUSTED, bro

Tanuki
Thumb Down

They sell this as an improvement?

I think I'll be sticking with my late-1970s homebrewed four push-pull ultralinear KT66s feeding similar-era battered-but-heavy homebrewed speakers made from inch-thick MDF [I hand-wound the coils in the crossovers, measuring and matching the resultant inductances and capacitances to within 0.1% in the University physics lab], and my mid-1990s Philips CD-player, if you don't mind.

No "oxygen-free copper, directioonal" speaker-cables for me either - I find 4mm twin&earth mains-cable works just fine.

[Now, if someone could find me a pair of Quad electrostatics at a sane price....]

5
0

Home automation while it's hot: Winter warmth for lazy technophiles

Tanuki

I wonder how these things will deal with a "call-for-heat" being issued somewhere but the stove's already consumed all the last fill of logs?

0
0

Who needs a ride-on mower when a ROBOT will cut your grass

Tanuki
Devil

What we need is for someone to develop a Robotic Allen-Scythe!

1
0
Tanuki
Thumb Down

Sheep?

It sounds horribly expensive and over-complicated: I have a vision of it toppling over and rolling down one of my 45-degree grassy slopes, to lie distressed at the bottom like an upturned turtle - or it fighting a losing battle with a coil of garden hose, or drowning itself in the pond.

Far better (and cheaper) to get an orphan spring lamb from the local farmer to crop your grass - this also has the advantage that at the end of the season you have something to go in the freezer.

10
0

Internet of Things fridges? Pfft. So how does my milk carton know when it's empty?

Tanuki
Thumb Down

Tags?

So, this "Smart Fridge" will expect me to attach a food-specific tag to the unused bits of the lettuce I plucked from the kitchen-garden, the fresh haunch of Venison acquired from a friend, the wedge of Stilton or the Gloucester-Old-Spots-and-Bramley-Apple Sausages from the farmer's market before I put them in the aforementioned sapient appliance?

Sounds a hell of a lot of trouble to go to if you ask me.

And even if said fridge were to become conscious of the fact that I'm running dangerously low on Cucumbers, how will it know whether there are any available in the market (whether for ready money or not)? I guess I'll just have to risk offending Lady Bracknell.

5
0

Remember Control Data? The Living Computer Museum wants YOU

Tanuki

Memories...

First serious computer I ever programmed (batch FORTRAN) was the UMRCC CDC7600, with an ICL1906 (under GEORGE3) as the RJE terminal. As others have mentioned, it used 60-bit words - meaning if you used BCD encoding you could store ten characters per word and then do some evil masking/bit-shuffling.

I developed a hate/hate relationship with the method the thing used to request tape-mounts: often it took rather longer for the ops to retrieve and mount a tape than the OS was prepared to wait before timing out and killing the requesting job. I got used to programming save/restore points throughout large runs.

0
0

I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

Tanuki
FAIL

I find it useful to deploy phrases like:

"Tell me the contract details of your support-partner and I'll raise a service-call with them for you"

or

"You need to speak to one of my consultants - let me have your phone number and I'll get them to call you to arrange an appointment. You *are* VAT-registered, aren't you?"

or

"Would you ask the chief-executive of British Aerospace to book you a package-holiday? No - so why are you asking me about your iToy?"

4
0

Readers' choice: What every small-business sysadmin needs

Tanuki

Cattle-prods, rubber hoses and Etherkillers are occasionally useful but when called in to do things at short notice I also like the magic piece of paper bearing the text which reads:

" I [legal owner of business X] hereby absolve [Y] from all legal liability for actions he/she undertakes while working on computer hardware/software located at premises [Z] and operated or owned by business [X]".

You get the business-owner to sign this before you start work, in order to prevent subsequent nastiness.

Only once have I needed to use my other line: "If we do this the way you want and we're caught then both of us could go to jail; do it my way and if caught only you go to jail. I think we're going to do it my way".

There is, alas, no convenient piece of paper that can get a small [or large for that matter] business out of an Anton Piller order at short notice.

4
0

BuzzGasm: Cloud Internet Of Stuff As-A-Service!

Tanuki
Thumb Up

I think you need a "Made from Badger's Paws and Silly String" in there somewhere.

0
0

Urinating teen polluted 57 Olympic-sized swimming pools - cops

Tanuki
Go

W.C.Fields.

W.C. Fields got it right:

"I never drink water: Fish fornicate in it".

2
0

Feature-phones aren't dead, Moto – oldsters still need them

Tanuki
Thumb Up

It's not just the oldies who like this sort of thing.

A feature-phone with seriously-long battery-life coupled with buttons that are large enough to still let you use the thing while wearing gloves is just what some of us outdoorsy-types like.

Ever tried using a touchscreen outdoors in the middle of a hailstorm, or while riding a horse?

7
0

The weird and wonderful mind of H.R Giger is no more

Tanuki

Re: So sad.

Sad indeed.

Thankfully we still have Jan Švankmajer.

0
0

Apple, Beats and fools with money who trust celeb endorsements

Tanuki
Devil

Re: Delicately put

What happens with "Directional" speaker cables if you wire them *the wrong way round* ??

3
1
Tanuki
Happy

Re: I am sticking with Sennheiser and Walkman

You will only get your hands on my Clement-Clarke Airlite-62s over my cold, dead body.

0
0
Tanuki
Meh

A fool and his money are easily parted.

You only have to look at some of the rank stupidities sold to the audiophool community - gold-plated 13-amp mains plugs, oxygen-free-copper 'directional' speaker-cables, cryogenically-treated valves - to understand the gullibility of that sector.

Looks like Apple have been taken for the fools in this case, just as they've been taking their customers for fools for a while.

<sarcasm>

I wonder how much Apple would have to pay to buy Bose?

</sarcasm>

39
6

Traffic light vulns leave doors wide open to Italian Job-style hacks

Tanuki
Thumb Up

Re: Traffic lights should be *more* vulnerable as the system benefits from central control.

In some parts of South Africa, the traffic-lights are remotely managed using embedded cellphone-data terminals: thieves targeted them for the SIM-cards and then ran up large bills !

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/01/06/joburg_traffic_light_theft/

So long as they only use this to report faults to "head office" it seems OK, but if these things can also be reprogrammed over a 3G data-link it becomes more interesting.

0
0
Tanuki
Thumb Up

Hmmm

I wonder how long it'll be before someone works out how to display their Twitter timeline onthe big motorway matrix-signs?

Speaking of which, I recall the first appearance of the rear-window-mounted LED message-panels in police-cars a couple of decdes back. Though issued with the messages pre-programmed from 'head office' it wasn't long before the local DTELS guys discovered that these things had essentially no security and the text could be reprogrammed via a 9-pin RS232 cable and a suitably-equipped Psion organiser.

Which led to at least one big white Vauxhall Senator patrolling the motorways where instead of the message panel displaying "STOP POLICE" when activated, it flashed up "HELLO SAILOR".

6
0

A real pot-boiler kicks off Reg man's quid-a-day nosh challenge

Tanuki

Re: Free food...

Ther urban types will just have to eat each-other then. Perhaps we could rekindle the idea behind "A Modest Proposal" ?

1
0
Tanuki
Happy

Free food...

Learn to scavenge: on my drive to/from work each day there's always casserole-tastic roadkill pheasants and rabbits on offer - sometimes a Hare or even a Deer. [I draw the line at stopping for Badgers].

The River Cottage website has recipes for Grey Tree-Rats: it's entirely legal to trap them.. There's also wild garlic available in the woods right now; soon the riverbanks will be bursting with watercress, and a few weeks back I harvested a good crop of "Jew's Ear" fungi which though looking - well, like a withered human ear - do add body and flavour to a stew.

It's also the season for harvesting both dandelion-flowers and nettle-tops: flash fry them in a pan with a bit of oil and they make an excellent, nutritious Spinach-substitute.

4
0

Hackers attempt to BLACKMAIL plastic surgeons

Tanuki
Thumb Up

Re: I'm disappointed

I was more thinking of a quick shot of Ether followed by 'cashing in' the blackmailers' bodies at Nurse Nightingale's Body-Bank.

Does anyone remember the horror movie "The Hands of Orlac"?

1
0

Reg LOHAN spaceplane: Punch and Judy show in comedy non-explosive climax

Tanuki
Stop

Could have been worse - it could have undergone an "Uncontrolled hyper-energetic disassembly" - better known as an 'explosion'.

1
0

Homeopathic remedies contaminated with REAL medicine get recalled

Tanuki
WTF?

Ironic...

I always used to taunt a homeophile [is that the correct term for a devotee of homeopathy?] by asking her what the homeopathic treatment for multiple gunshot-wounds would be.

23
2

It's EE vs Vodafone: 'How good is my signal' study descends into network bunfight

Tanuki

Re: Am I the only one when they see EE

If I could get a Lightning from EE then I'd be happy - though I think the cellular-tower-handoff issues might be a bit tricky at Mach.2

0
0

Morrisons supermarket hit by MASSIVE staff payroll data robbery

Tanuki
WTF?

Re: A little thing that bugs me...

A semi-relative spent the summer uni-vacations working at a local store as a member of their "Out-of-Hours Ambient Replenishment team" - better known as a night-time shelf-stacker in the tinned/dried food aisles..

[Seems that in the world of food "ambient" is used as the opposite of chilled or refrigerated].

0
1

Why can’t I walk past Maplin without buying stuff I don’t need?

Tanuki
Thumb Down

Alternative electronics retailers are available.

I only ever use Maplin for 'distress purchases' - like when it's 15:00 on a Sunday, you're miles from home, and the ferret's just played tug-of-war with the TOSLink cable.

Thankfully for most things there are other proper components/goodies providers available via that new thing called "The Interwebs" - allegedly made from string and Badger's paws - that I hear talked about.

Farnell, CPC, Digi-Key, Mouser... the first two of them even do free shipping to UK addresses if your order's valued at anything more than trivial.

Alas the *proper* electronics surplus stores - A.H. Supplies, GWM Radio down in Hove, Thacker's in Cheslyn Hay - where you bought stuff by weight and needed a sack-truck to move it - are no more.

3
0

Can you smell bacon? Yes! And it's coming from your iPhone!

Tanuki
Thumb Down

I live in fear of the widespread deployment of olfactorily-enabled computing/communications devices.

t's bad enough being in a closed space and so forced to overhear other peoples' phone-calls or seeing them silently mouthing their SMS/Twitbook messages as they're reading them without the overpowering and lingering aroma of... who knows what? being inflicted on you as well.

0
0

IBM to shutter Greenock x86 line after sale to Lenovo - reports

Tanuki
Thumb Up

Re: Fact of the day

IBM Halt? Surely "IBM ABEND" would be a better designator?

4
0

Cheap'n'cheerful Chinese mobesters ZTE launch Firefox phones

Tanuki

Re: Telefonica’s strategy

Or for those of us who want a cheap-n-cheerful phone because we treat the things as boring domestic appliances on a par with kettles or toasters rather than as a flamboyant extension of our personality?

11
0

Birds Eye releases 'mashtags' social spud snacks

Tanuki
Thumb Up

"Then he ate the evidence"

How long before some kid gets taken to court for spelling-out something on his/her dinner-plate which a third-party finds threatening harrassing or offensive?

2
0

'Please don't make me spend more time with my family...'

Tanuki
Thumb Down

The devil can be in the detail

You can get away with much obfuscation if it's expressed graphically: due to a file-naming error in a script one business I worked with used the same dataset for some trend graphs in a major part of its published quarterly financials for a year and nobody noticed. It was only failure of the script when the year rolled-over that highlighted the issue.

Disclosure rules meant that their next quarterly made glib mention of "rendering inconsistencies".

3
0

Spam, a lot of it: Bubble tea is the Seoul of wit

Tanuki
Thumb Up

Thanks for the Mammaries.

The most bizarre Korean spams I ever got were a series promoting - it would appear - a range of breast-enhancement prostheses under the brand-name "Nipple-up!"

1
0

Page: