Wonder if my GP uses EMIS

He's rarely available anyway - he's too busy moonlighting as consultant gynaecologist, golfer, and circumcisionist (available for weddings, parties, etc). Slots for appointments are only opened a couple of days in advance and then you play telephone lottery with the reception dragons to get a booking. If you succeed in this quest, you next have to arrange time off work to attend the appointment, which will be an hour late. Then he fobs you off with 5 boxes of whatever free samples the drug rep dropped off that week, so you end up singing soprano and growing breasts. Meanwhile, the ingrowing toenail is not getting any better.

It's easier to get an appointment with the queen to pick up an MBE, and at least Liz pretends to be interested in you (well, she'd probably notice if your hand came off when she shook it. I doubt my GP would).

Typical Apple

All they do is take standard PC components, wrap them in a shiny case, and make a package that could be bought much more cheaply from Dell, to sell to fanbois blinded by the reality distortion field of marketing promising a computer that can be used by the kind of idiots who believe it's easy to use, when in fact it isn't, because you end up with a closed system that can't be tweaked in any way, as it is remote-controlled personally by Steve Jobs himself in his Cupertino lair. Some will be fooled by this latest round of marketing fluff disguised as 42 pages of complex schematics and math but those of us who can see beyond the hype know that it's just another rip-off from Xerox. When will the deluded fruit-fanciers recant their delusions and realise that right-thinking computer users must use no other than the same PC that I endorse personally. You're all wrong and I'm right!

Why does nobody listen to me? I'm lonely down in the basement, and I'd like a friend…

I hate the world.

I'll stick with my 2D TV

OK, it disappears completely when you look at it side on, and the cat was sliced in two when it tried to sleep on it, but at least it takes up no space whatsoever.

Weed's mine, not the speed

The enterprising chap is probably leveraging ample spare butt capacity to operate a courier service. Federal Asscrack? DHoLe? United Passholes? So long as he doesn't branch out into pizza delivery...

Hotcake?

Fruitcake, surely?

It should definitely be done

Maybe with Lottery money - do you feel lucky, Steampunk?

It makes me wonder, though. Imagine a parallel historical track where Babbage had built it, and electronic computers hadn't happened. How would the concept have developed, and what would a 21st century analytical engine look like?

Dying to see...

...just what all these sharable applications are, that are applicable across government. Email, file-store, and, erm....

Shortly to be followed...

...by a reassuringly expensive Leica branded phone

Next

So, it will be slightly overpriced, very cheaply made, shiny in the shop but disappointing when you get it home, and will fall apart after a week. You'll be fobbed off when you try and get a refund, and you'll renew your vow to never, ever again shop at Next. Until next time.

Jargon fail

Sorry, 3 blogger Sylvia Chind, but you don't get 'excited', 'massively excited' or 'really excited' about MS products. The official wording is 'super excited', as any perusal of Microsoft communiqués will reveal.

You must be thinking of some other company's trademarked brand of synthetic euphoria.

Note – if launching a British product, it's appropriate to say that you are 'pleased, quite pleased, or you may even ramp it up to 'rather pleased'.

Hosts file

That is all

Tory defence policy

Outsourcing. You pay the enemy to bomb themselves. Much cheaper

Hypocrites

Dear Google -

take your US-centric idea of what constitutes free-expression, marinade in a spoonful of 'do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do', top with a generous helping of free-market capitalism, drizzle with privacy leakage, half-bake it, and then - SHOVE IT IN YOUR FLIPPING CAKEHOLE!

Yours faithfully - The Rest of the World

Maybe...

Maybe he's not a Chelsea supporter

AirPlay

If you have an iOS device, it will wirelessly send any H264 video to the Apple TV. There doesn't need to be a load of intelligence or different apps in the aTV as they're all in the handheld device. The aTV still needs to run apps like iPlayer though, as it would be silly to run this on the handheld and then resend the stream to the TV. I would expect iPlayer for the Apple TV in the next software update

21st century deterrent

We urgently need to deploy an up-to-date 21st century nuclear deterrent along the lines of that used by the Swedes, Swiss, Germans, Japanese, Dutch, Poles, Brazilians, etc.

On the other hand

A UK consortium attempts to set a standard which could result in some business and revenue opportunities in the UK (eg an ARM reference design for the hardware). This could be a good thing

Step by step

Step 1: stir up anti-public sector feelings

Step 2: slash public sector

Step 3: token tax cuts for the voters

Step 4: privatise public services

Step 5: well-paid non-exec sinecure

Result: profit!

In another cost saving inititative ...

... the Government said they would end expensive consultation exercises asking the public for cost-saving ideas, as it had become apparent that all of the feasible proposals had in fact been submitted by civil servants. A further measure of cost-saving has been effected by banning Ministers from having bright ideas that must be rushed into production despite it being obvious that they would fail a 5-minute sanity check. As an added validity test, any Minister mandating an IT initiative costing more than £5 will be thrown from the Houses of Parliament terrace into the Thames. If the Minister sinks, the initiative will be allowed to proceed.

I'm beginning to understand...

... why the machines locked all the dumb humans away in the Matrix. It's well known that you can power a small lightbulb from a potato. One sizable couch-potato ought therefore to be capable of powering a 1U server, most likely using harvested methane. Varying loads on the server could be catered for by adapting the subject's nasty nylon tracksuit trousers into a capacious methane reservoir. Do this on an industrial scale and it should be possible to build self-sustaining battery farms of commentards locked in an infinite loop mutual flame-baiting. The resulting tin-sheds can be hidden away on an industrial park, leaving us more enlightened folk free to wander in Teletubby-style pastoral bliss.

Elitist - moi?

Cut down?

The article implies that Mac users are getting a lite version of the web apps. Microsoft's own Office for Mac website disagrees: 'How might a Mac user work with the Office Web Apps? The short answer is “in basically the same way a Windows user would”.'

I think I'll take Microsoft's word(!) for it over the Reg's in this case, that they haven't written a second set of dumbed-down web apps for Mac users. That would be a bit silly.

Hurrah

Let's depress our way out of the recession. All out for growth, even if it's negative.

Hold on a minute

Identity verification means that, when you first apply to use government services online, they need to find out if you are really who you say you are.

In the old days, they would have sent a form to the address you gave for you to sign and send back, all of which proves - not very much.

Now it's common to use knowledge-based authentication to ask some questions to which only you (and the credit-reference agency providing the service) know the answers (hmm... anyone spot a potential vulnerability there?).

So, though this might mean ID cards via the back door (ouch) or an ID database, it could also mean bog-standard, off-the-shelf KBA as used by financial-service providers et al.

The procurement procedure being followed is long established civil service practice so no brownie points to the new masters there.

Really, this whole announcement is a lot duller and more common-sensical than some of the commenters would like it to be, if only so they can fulminate against it. If it means goodbye to the ludicrously bad Government Gateway and means that government services can speed up and gain economies of scale for identity verification, bring it on.

Next - do away with the stupid DirectGov uber-brand.

Amazing

Samsung's key innovation here is to ask 'does it blend' of a couple of generations MacBook, then decoct the resulting smoothie into a 1st generation iBook mould. Result - a HyundaiBook.

Congestion charging

Road usage charging can, in theory, be smarter than fuel duty: charge trucks less to drive at night; charge cars more for making short rush hour journeys (eg school runs).

So, where road usage actually incurs costs on society, there is a way to levy payback. Imagine something like a taxi-meter on your dashboard displaying the current charging band.

Yes, there will be a big brother element of being able to track cars. On the upside, they'll at least be able to take down all the cameras as they won't be needed anymore. And, no doubt, the police wil be able to detect any unlicensed vehicles.

Yes, drivers will squeal, but they've been mis-sold a dream of limitless freedom to motor. That' dream is literally running out of road.

Here we go

Company submits patent covering specific innovations to an existing technology

Story over-simplifies patent application so that it appears to cover the existing technology

Readers react to the story, without having read the patent

Cue anecdotes about the technology having first been implemented in the head gasket mountings of the 1948 Austin Seven, and in the canibulating flanges of Gutenberg's original printing press

Cries of 'the patent system is broken'

Repeat as necessary.

- Having described the process, can I now patent it?

Dirty Harry moment

Every morning, Google wakes up and says, 'Well, do I feel evil today?'. Most days, the Magic 8 Ball replies in the negative. WebM stays free until Google's goodwill runs out. At which point, Google announce it's still free - so long as they can overlay their ads on your video. Or, you can pay for an ad-free licence.

What? You thought they were a charity?

Apple, Microsoft, and H264

As has to be said every time H264 comes up for discussion, Apple and Microsoft between them hold a tiny minority of the H264 patents. Anyone who thinks they steer the policy on H264, or get special consideration from MPEG-LA, please present your evidence.

And note, I said evidence, not grainy Super-8 film of a grassy knoll.

Ultimate deterrent

Clearly the death penalty works. How else do you explain the complete absence of violent crime in the USA?

The defensive option?

"Downing Street to UK. Incoming nuclear strike detected. Commence evasive action."

Looking for the Lewis dig...

I thought this was alarmingly uncritical till Lewis slipped in the reference to 'landlocked'. Had me worrried for a minute

And having sued Google...

... next will come all the handset and tablet manufacturers ...

I still don't get it. Why do manufacturers sign up to Android? Not only are you relying on the good will of (non-evil) Google to keep supporting the platform, and not turning it into a mobile spam machine - now it turns out it's legally encumbered as well. And how do you differentiate your brand when it's all about who makes the best Android device?

HP made a smart move buying Palm. Let's hope they can execute.

U O Me

I have patented the process of trolling, based on inventing phony outrage points that suit your agenda, rather than the claims actually contained within the patent. James Butler and Anonymous Coward now owe me royalties.

PDF reader?

Why add a PDF reader? I already have one, thanks. Quit the bloat already.

<pointless car analogy>If I install a new car radio, I don't expect it to include a cigarette lighter</pointless car analogy>

Plus point

For some people, a home computer that looks/works different to the one at work is a plus point. In much the same way as a couch looks/works different to a desk - we don't all want homes that are facsimiles of our offices